“Good Men Aren’t Getting Harder to Find”

Good Men Aren’t Getting Harder to Find.

For most women.

The problem comes from the kinds of 35-year-old women who write those articles about how hard it is to find a “good” man, meaning he is over 6′, makes $100K or more per year, looks good, works out, looks good naked, is great socially, is great in bed, and wants to wife up older women.

These women are disproportionately likely to have attended schools that inculcate their own sense of specialness in the world. They live in big cities that favor players not providers.

They are women who think that men think like women… that men are attracted to money, wealth, and status, rather than things like looks, kindness, and caring. Today, smart men looking for a long-term partner should look at a woman’s job situation… a woman out of school who has no work or work history whatever is probably showing that there is something wrong with her… but a woman in a corporate job is not that appealing to most similarly situated men. When I am evaluating women for long term situations, two jobs in particular stand out, teacher and nurse. They are both jobs that are easy to leave at the job (don’t demand 50+ hour weeks) and they are both jobs that make it easy to leave for a year or two to have a family.

There are a lot of women who bring nothing to relationships apart from their p***ies… and then they are surprised… where are the GOOD men?

Her career is not that significant an asset, either.

Top men… are often looking at women in their mid to late 20s for family… not so much women in their mid 30s, who are rapidly approaching infertility.

I think there is a class of delusional women who spent their reproductive time in school and low-level media jobs, who can’t figure out why they’re still on the shelf, who are complaining about the “good men” shortage… I am complaining about the shortage of hot 22 year olds who are height-weight proportionate and want to bend over for me… what a surprise. Women have also not been taught in their bullshit schools that men and women value similar but slightly different things in long-term relationships, so if you don’t bring what men most want… you are going to get what you get.

Delusional women and rejected men also have political ramifications… this is a great work, one that I will say more about later. I think we are really seeing a crisis of delusion, increased by social media, porn, etc. People who raise their value and see past their delusion, they are okay. A lot of women… are not doing this… then they wonder where the “good” men are… the good men are having children with younger women, women who want relationships and families… or the good men are having a wild ride, cause women value sex appeal over stability.

*Sex and the City* and the woman’s age

Spinster Candace Bushnell, the woman who wrote the original *Sex and the City* book and then created the famous TV show, is now in her 50s and has written a book about how being single and childless at that age sucks for chicks… most of you readers already know this, of course, because older women are competing for a pool of guys who would rather date women in their 20s or 30s, if possible.

Let’s not reiterate that again, instead I will observe that I am of the age in which pretty much every high school and college girl I knew watched the show when it came out and watched it again on DVD (before streaming was common, many movies and TV shows shipped on plastic discs that had to be purchased one-by-one, for you young guys reading this). Younger chicks perceived it as very glamorous. I also read the *Sex and the City* book way back when and watched most of the show, here and there, usually w/ chicks. I think the key to a chick’s interpretation of either is how old the chick is. For teen girls and girls up to the late 20s (perhaps 28/29), the show reads as glamorous f**king around in the city and being serenaded/seduced by a wild variety of hot hot men who are going to pick up the tabs for fancy dinners, whisk them around to clubs, etc. The shiny fantasy rules.

For women over age 28/29, *Sex and the City* starts to look like the “cock carousel” much-discussed online by men… older women see the guys in the show are getting copiously laid while offering the women a minimum of commitment, and female-female competition is fierce and relentless. NYC is expensive and, in the real world, it’s very hard for most women to make enough money to have a reasonable standard of living in the city without a guy to subsidize her. But a lot of the guys want to play the field and will not subsidize her. Older women detect underlying sadness in the show, but most younger women don’t detect the underlying sadness until it’s too late.

A lot of women feel like they have to viciously compete in NYC due to male/female ratios that favor men. That’s the thing the city still has most going for it, for players. Many women don’t read enough and don’t understand why NYC is a different market than most cities in the rest of the country.

Older women can accept that NYC is hard, choose a guy she perceives as “lesser,” or go poly, or just fuck around and accept that they’re not going to have kids, which will make them bitter and alone when older. Most women want kids, though, and can’t be happy without a family. Thus the neuroticism and deep unhappiness of single women over age 35. Such women are dangerous as bosses, I want to add.

The *Sex and the City* TV show’s undercurrent of hysteria is because most of the women are over 30 and know time is not on their side. The show is similar except that there is an unrealistic deus ex machina for Carrie at the very end. But if you watch the show carefully, you’ll be aware that most of the women in it are not very happy because they know they are living their lives poorly.

I also think many chicks have a dangerous precedent because they get enormous sexual market power (SMV) very early, as teens (provided they are not fat), and can fairly easily maintain that SMV power for fifteen years just by not being fat. Today, chicks using online dating can feel the incredible SMV power of their youth even more keenly than chicks before online dating. The decline in SMV can be rapid, however, leaving many women psychologically wounded because what was “easy” for them has suddenly become hard. The same thing happens to a few guys, like the high school athletes gone to seed who had high SMV and see it drop. More common is the guy who sees his SMV rise as he works on his body, mind, and income throughout his 20s and 30s.

Candace Bushnell was probably warned about her shelf life but decided that hot short-term sex is better than having a family, particularly a family with a low-status male.

The writer of the article that got me started on this piece is a feminist, yet she also notices, “Then I read some of the original Observer pieces, which were tough and unsentimental, even caustic.” That is also my reading, because even then Bushnell was in her 30s competing for cool guys who really want chicks in their 20s. Bushnell and her friends discover what lots of women do. The feminist writer says of the new Bushnell, “The book captures the buoyancy of the writer’s brand, but it also has a weather-beaten, mellow quality. If the women in ‘Sex and the City’ were living the dream, these characters are trailing after, reminiscing about, sometimes questioning it.” The women in *Sex and the City* were never living their dream, except for promiscuous Samantha, as their true dream is having a wealthy cool guy and having a family with that man. Something none of them were on the path to doing because they were too busy f**king hot guys. Lesson for guys is simple, be the hott guy. This lesson has been well-learned and now many women complain of “players.” Players exist because women prefer hot fun-loving guys to boring reliable provider guys. Even provider guys are figuring out that there is little benefit to being a provider guy and a lot of benefit to hitting the gym and being a party, hot-sex guy. I don’t think every guy has what it takes to be a party hot-sex guy but many do.

Women in many big cities and upper-middle-class households are socialized to chase the job and career, like men. Then women discover as they get older that those things are less satisfying than having a family, but they are not going to drop their socialized acceptance of the lame careers they have as middle managers.

That article has lots of bullshit in it, such as talk of “how our ideas of masculinity and femininity have shifted” between 1997 and today. They haven’t much. Yes, among some gender freaks in Brooklyn there are loser androgenes, but very few hot chicks will deliberately make themselves less hot and very few top guys will deliberately make themselves more feminized. There is more gender confusion, with fat chicks leading the way, but on the whole masculinity remains and guys who want a good sex life cultivate their masculinity, and women who want top guys cultivate their femininity.

Today of course the Internet helps guys learn the game and helps people interested in sexual depravity like myself discover others interested in sexual depravity. So I do believe that weird sex practices are increasingly prevalent, and players who don’t slut-shame women and who lift weights will have much greater access to those practices.

I am thinking about next life steps because I don’t want to be the equivalent of a 35-year-old woman who has f**ked her best years and highest value away and is struggling to set up what she wants to do next… a very common pattern that players age 30+ are familiar with. I wonder how many guys would also be better off moving to the midwest, where family is more valued, when they/we are less excited about chasing random chicks (guys under age 30 can ignore this statement). Many people also see their life priorities change when their parents or other family age or die… that can be a jarring reminder that life is finite and some of our choices preclude us from pursuing particular paths. At age 20 it is easy to think you will be young forever and that your family will be the same forever… you will not and they will not.

I don’t get the sense that lots of younger chicks still watch the show but I have run into a few who have, often at early ages (11, 12, 13… I meet them when they are much older I want to add!).

Overall, *Sex and the City* reaffirms that chicks want to be seduced by hot guys. That is what all their fantasies are about, in TV or in fiction, and men can learn how to seduce and be seductive.

The Coast of Utopia: A lot of women would rather focus on their children

The Coast of Utopia: From the looks of Instagram, Courtney Adamo and the surfing mamas of Byron Bay are living the dream” is like pornography for feminists (semi-forbidden but also deeply attractive), because the story appeals to the bulk of women who realize, after a couple years in the real world, that they’d rather spend time with their children than grind it out in the corporate world, competing against men in a male universe. Women buy into this narrative of corporate / financial achievement… then find that it is contrary to their nature and deeper desires… then are afraid to speak up about this because they get shamed by other women. Then porn-for-women stories like this appear and make the yearning all the more powerful.

A lot of women don’t seem to realize this until they’re approaching age 30… when it’s not too late to change, but it’s perceived as being much harder to change. When you wrap your identity in the corporate-grind thing, it can be difficult to unwrap that identity and wrap it up in something else, like the family a woman really wants in her soul and at the base of her being.

Women also realize this right at the point when younger women are crowding up from behind them… right at the point when guys their age and a little older who are family-oriented have already picked their preferred woman.

Instagram is the god-from-the-sky for the women in this particular story, as Instagram provides income, validation, attention, and it’s easy, all at once. Real world… it’s very rare to get them all together. A lot of women who lives rich fantasy lives think they can try to be rich on Instagram… one in ten thousand succeeds, maybe less. It’s right up there with trying to make it in Hollywood. Like the male equivalent of looking for a guy who is into hotwifing and who also has an attractive girlfriend who is into the guy… is it possible? Yeah. Should a guy really be concentrating on the game, not this bullshit? Also yeah. So this story has some bullshit in it, but it also reflects the very real female desire to have a real family while not having to grind out the two-income trap many women wander right into, by being told that they should grind through the corporate world. A small number of women do really like grinding the corporate world, do make real money at doing it, have a family and a nanny and a fabulous pedicure and whatever else it is chicks like… I have met women like this… they are just in the minority. The deep minority of women. Much more common is women who don’t realize till they’re at or over age 30 that they’ve bought into the bullshit, and it’s very hard to get back out of it. The deep satisfaction of family is infinitely greater than beating out Bob to become assistant regional manager and, one day, God willing, regional manager.

Some women also make the mistake of pretending that they want to focus on their families… but really they want to focus on having a super rich hot successful husband, and also outcompeting other women materially (cars, houses, etc.), and also being the most fabulous woman with the most fabulous job. Very very hard to do them all, and most women who try fail, then they write shit like so and so. Most of them have to decide their core values and stick to those (again, real world… there are a few exceptions out there). Many parameters cannot all be maximized simultaneously. The same is true of guys in the game. It is hard to simultaneously be super fit, get a good education, play in a great band or be a DJ, compete in MMA, have a job, etc. Most guys are going to have to pick one or two things and focus on those. For a guy looking for a long-term thing, it’s also unlikely to be able to maximize super hot, super loyal, super family oriented, super fun, good income, mentally stable, maintains blindness towards your side piece, etc. Most guys have to choose among those traits because they are not usually all found in one woman… and if they are, she is going to have lots and lots of choices herself.

The world runs on delusion… delusion can help improve your game… but if your game is not going well, and you can’t generate your own powerful delusion field (like Steve Jobs’ Reality Distortion Field), then you have to face reality instead. Sorry bro.

Back to the article, most of the women I know in the real world did marry eventually. The ones who didn’t… or who married, didn’t have kids, then divorced… they’re the ones who are worst off. For women, declining sexual market value (SMV) after age 35 is usually brutal without kids and a partner. There are exceptions who do all right with it, or who keep finding new guys… but the average outcome doesn’t look very good. And most people are just too lazy and undisciplined to quit sugar and hit the gym, and that shows in their bodies and their outcomes. Ice cream (a weakness of mine, admittedly) is here and now.

Man-hating feminist spinsters are much scarcer in real life than they are online, or in the conventional media, so a lot of angry guys online are responding to ideas that are bad, but that are also not very common in the real world, where most women like men and most men like women. Someone who really truly hates the opposite sex is sending their genes and culture on a one-way ride off a canyon. Within a hundred years I expect militant feminism to have solved itself. Too late for me.

Boredom = death

Boredom = death, when it comes to chicks that is. This chick is f**king some guy who is nice but boring, “We had sex. He’s always very tender. It’s always slow and nice. I can come easily, so I always orgasm, but I can’t say it’s from his moves, which are pretty green.” Plus, he’s weak, if you translate from chick-speak, “He’s just so kind and thoughtful. Which brings me to my one hesitation about Ben … Sometimes I worry I’m not excited enough by him.”

This guy needs to both up his game and find a chick with slightly lower SMV. The woman just broke up with a doctor she names Drew, “When Drew and I were together, we would go away most weekends. I was always dying to be with him. Like, panting for him. With Ben, it couldn’t be more opposite. I feel Zen. I wouldn’t call it ‘blah’; it’s more like calm.” She knows her SMV is at risk from aging, “He was a resident, and she was one of the nurses. This happened a year ago, when I turned 30. It killed me. It still kills me. Sometimes at work I look at his Instagram page and try to analyze it. Is he with the nurse?”, but she doesn’t act that way. Probably his nurse is a little younger and also more economically functional.

The chick in the story is probably not a good earner, “Work was tedious. I had to present a bunch of new products to the owner of the shop, who is nice but intense. She had a lot of questions. I was not my best self. Get me home to bed!”, and “Drew” knows it. I have said this in various places, but when it comes to long-term relationships, the chick’s qualities aside from “hot” and “willing” become important. The chick in the story doesn’t seem like she has much of anything that contributes to the household apart from her p***y. That’s fine for short-term, but for a lot of guys p***y is, if not a commodity, then available, and character, earning, cooking, etc. are not. Guys look for “full package,” and “Drew” was either bored of her, or looking at a more functional woman, or could be both.

It’s strange to me that more women are not working to move themselves out of the “commodity p***y” and into the “special girl” category.

Lesson for guys is simple, don’t be f**king boring, and if you are, a lot of chicks who are on the younger and hotter side of things will next you.

 

Two points on loneliness, family, and evolutionary biology

I have often banged on about evolutionary biology, it being the theoretical and intellectual core underlying game, as guys have evolved to like young hot chicks and chicks have evolved to like guys with skills, knowledge, resources, height, and status. But we are also an evolutionary puzzle,

Humans are almost unique in having menopause; most animals keep reproducing until they die in late middle-age. Why does evolution want humans to stick around without reproducing?

Because old people have already learned the local culture and can teach it to others. Henrich asks us to throw out any personal experience we have of elders; we live in a rapidly-changing world where an old person is probably “behind the times”. But for most of history, change happened glacially slowly, and old people would have spent their entire lives accumulating relevant knowledge. Imagine a Silicon Valley programmer stumped by a particularly tough bug in his code calling up his grandfather, who has seventy years’ experience in the relevant programming language.

On average, it seems like the people I know who have kids are more satisfied and content. Often they are not happier, if you think of happiness as a giddy joy, but they seem to have more purpose, and purpose can satisfy us.

What we find most satisfying when we’re younger, like status among our peers and f**king younger-hotter-tighter, we might find less satisfying when we’re older. Those thoughts are underlying Kids, the player, and the Red Pill: Comprehensive statement. We focus on the game because, although it may be sad, it’s also true that we need game and to understand women in order to form satisfying relationships, particularly in an age of legal theft via marriage and paternity fraud. It’s necessary both to guard your interests and for most guys to have a family. Many guys don’t do either one effectively. Your stage of life is relevant and I see too few guys discussing stage-of-life points, so I want to change that here.

The other point,

Postwar baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, were Generation Zero for the Second Demographic Transition in the United States. Now shuffling their way into their sixties and seventies, older boomers give a glimpse of the long-term downside of the post-SDT culture. If we had to pick just one word to describe it, “lonely” would do. In widely quoted research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Ashton M. Verdery and Rachel Margolis uncovered a recent surge in the number of “kinless” older adults. Lower fertility translates into fewer siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, whether for hospital visits or emergency contacts.

That article is amazing and please read all of it. I will emphasize that living without kids for your entire life is probably contrary to our psychology and leads many people to bad second halves of their lives. It must be especially hard for guys who fail to be players and learn about chicks in the first half of their lives, then spend the second halves of their lives with no or estranged families. Suicide rates for middle-aged and older guys have been going up for a long time and I bet that’s part of the reason. Younger guys can learn game and get laid (the way is hard but it can be done), while older guys without families don’t have that source of meaning.

I’m still anti-marriage (it’s a bad contract) but I also see the sadness in many of the older people around me, and I see a lot of younger people (mostly chicks but some guys too) who seem to be heading towards that path. Game is important because it can reduce loneliness in some ways. It can also be supremely lonely in other ways, I want to add, as game and Red Pill in general can estrange you from a lot of society when you begin to learn how the real world works. Aging is more painful for women and low-status guys than for top guys, as top guys can keep nailing younger-hotter-tighter for a pretty long time. Not forever and that is where the family aspect becomes more important.

If you are a 31-one-year-old guy do not despair and think you are over the hill. You’re not and still need to learn game and do all the Red Pill things.

“The Key Logger” by Nicholas Jack

A reader sent me a copy of Nicholas Jack‘s book The Key Logger, a set of stories about the author’s spying and privacy violations. It’s akin to The Voyeur’s Motel, which is also relevant to human nature and especially the nature of women… topics much of society works hard to obscure. I myself don’t think I really “got it” until quite far into my life, and if not for some unexpected swerves I might still be in the dark.

This story from The Key Logger is about what a man sees when he leaves a computer with a keylogger installed on it open and available to women he dates. The results show many of them acting duplicitously, courting multiple men simultaneously, etc. To me, this book should remind guys that, when we are in doubt, we should go for it, as we never know when a woman’s situation will change or what she is really doing, as what she does is often very different from what she says she does. I am fond of keeping a list of “maybe” chicks who flame out or whatever and hitting them up every six to nine months. Often, their situation has changed or they are dissatisfied with their boyfriend, etc. I should say that I used to be fond of this practice but have been becoming less excited about it over time. “Snapchat in game” is a part of this kind of thinking/practice.

The bad news: the book is poorly edited and many sections are less developed than they should be. That is the nature of self-published books and for $8.99 on Kindle this one should be better or cheaper. My Secret Garden is probably a more immediately relevant book but this one reinforces what you will read in that one. But you will find much that is useful. The writer also notices things I have noticed:

We did another city tour on her scooter. It made me really understand why people love motorcycles. You are so shielded from the world when you are in a car, but on a motorcycle it feels like you are really there.

Most people excessively shield themselves from the world and live shittier lives as a result. I don’t know if motorcycles cause people to do less of that, or if people who do less of that choose to ride. I get the same feeling on a bike. Girls who don’t like cars are on average better than those who do. I have argued that men should “Ride an electric motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating.” Used Zero Electric Motorcycles are widely available now. Electric Vespas are also now shipping and they are sexy as hell. Americans are too fat and too wrapped up in our big fat cars, then we wonder why we are disconnected from each other and miserable.

When a girl has a lot of options it’s very easy for her to use them if things get a little rough.

That’s simply true.

He also perceives that some women need a lot of attention from men, but that is partially an artifact of the women he’s dating. The women who don’t need constant attention aren’t dating around nearly as much. I do think women (and men) are very good at compartmentalizing when the need arises; women who are really good are probably not caught, or rarely caught.

This author, Nicholas Jack, is casually dating women who are casually dating him. Casually dating people often date multiple people. He seems to travel a lot for work, and that is detrimental to relationships. Men want sex and women want sex. If we can’t get it from one person, we seek it from another. He is discovering that women are human and also like sex. It is strange to me that our society works so hard and effectively to hide this fact.

He also runs into a girl who is cuckolding another guy; my guess is that their arrangement is consensual and she’s not actually trying to get pregnant, and they’re doing some kind of role play scenario. No guarantee that’s true.

This guy also likes normal clubs way more than I do.

The Key Logger could be seen as a long explanation for why I like consensual non-monogamy, as opposed to the de facto non-monogamy many people do. The girls this guy dates are already non-monogamous, so why not turn them into wingmen (wing women?) and go all the way? In my own life, I’ve been caring less about the game but it doesn’t seem to have affected results, at least so far.

There seem to be a lot of books that are okay but not where they should be, and some more effort would improve them. Quantity over quality sells? I was worried that I put too much effort into the sex clubs and players book, but it seems not.

Unfortunately, this book is far too short and poorly executed to highly recommend to most guys, but if you are looking for entertainment you can do worse. In addition, I wonder what would happen if a guy installed a key logger today and left a computer open in a prominent place. Would his results be similar to Nicholas Jack’s? I admire guys who gather data and run experiments, so I will encourage you do this and report back on the outcomes. I also encourage guys to write blogs because blogs are visible to search engines as well as places for a man to develop his own psychology. Twitter is ephemeral and a blog is more easily accessible to a wide array of guys.

“Rom-Coms Were Corny and Retrograde. Why Do I Miss Them so Much?”

Rom-Coms Were Corny and Retrograde. Why Do I Miss Them so Much?” is an article where the title is the article. Rom-coms are porn for chicks because they feature a high-status male eventually committing to one woman, often below his SMV. Despite the feminist dream of a vibrator, cat, ugly pants, and low grooming standards, most chicks still want a guy or two or three and a family. Even chicks who identify as “feminists” want what most chicks want. Just like guys who identify as “feminists” still want to sleep with multiple chicks (if they can, and some can).

It’s funny when feminists admit their desires are pretty conventional.