Company loyalty is dead. Switch jobs every 18 months to two years. [Career]

I already said this in “Don’t End the Week With Nothing,” but today I read “Employees Who Stay In Companies Longer Than Two Years Get Paid 50% Less.” The headline really is the article.

Always be ready to job hop if you are in most of corporate America. You are unlikely to advance if you keep the same job for too long. Company loyalty may have been a thing when your parents or grandparents were in their employment primes, but it isn’t anymore.

This is also why you need to live in a big city. Big cities have more companies and opportunities in them. The dating advantages of big cities are well known, but the employment advantages are similar. Avoid most jobs that will take you to small or rural places, unless maybe your industry depends on them.

The best book about modern corporate America is The Alliance. Don’t be a complete dirtbag, but do set expectations appropriately on both sides.

Corporate loyalty is dead. Loyalty in marriage is close to dead and is at best an uncertain gamble.

A few big companies are alleged to pay people in ways that reward staying for long periods of time. Some of the name tech companies are supposed to do this. But that’s not the majority of companies, and if you can get a 50 – 100% raise, take that money.

This is a short post because there isn’t much to say. The evidence is in front of you. You are only as good as your next opportunity.

The solution is always, “Sleep with another girl.”

Too many guys focus on trying to get a single girl who won’t sleep with him. Try once, and if it doesn’t work, the solution is simple and always the same: Sleep with another girl. If you can’t do that, start with that problem. When a girl says no, you’re usually done with her and you need to find someone new. You cannot sell a product to a person who is not in the market for that product, no matter how bad you want to make the sale.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

This advice is hard to take at first. I heard variants of it when I was a teenager and didn’t want to take it then. Now it seems so obvious to me that I’ve almost forgotten how hard it is for most guys.

“Sleep with another girl” is also one of the many reasons a man shouldn’t marry. If he marries, he’s likely impeding his ability to sleep with new women. Marriage is no upside and extensive downsides for men. Don’t do that.

Men, game, and social media strategies

As far as I can tell, there are two good, functional social media strategies for guys thinking about the game. Strategy one is the one I follow: no or minimal presence. I have an Instagram account but don’t use it and have never used it, despite my interest in photography. I have a Snapchat account but only use it for 1:1 communication. Facebook is there mostly so I can chat with women, again 1:1. Some women who disappear on text will reappear when contacted through other mediums, and this has led me to some lays. Less is more with any form of communication (which is a form of scarce, valuable attention).

The other strategy is to fully play and invest in the social media game. That means consciously only posting pictures that demonstrate higher value, which usually means action shots, or shots of you with lots of different pretty girls who provide a form of social proof. To me this looks hard to pull off, try-too-hard, and exhausting, but it seems possible to leverage this when it’s combined with other game. I don’t think the cost-benefit is there, but I know a couple guys who seem to work this angle. Don’t know how successful it is because everyone lies about their sex lives, but I suppose it’s possible to generate lays via social media for some guys.

In either case, public interaction with a girl’s statuses or pics should be minimal or nonexistent. You’re a busy guy living in the real world who isn’t here to water thirsty women. We’ve all seen the thirsty “like cascades” any moderately attractive woman gets when she posts a basic pic of herself in a dress or bikini. Those “likes” are obvious demonstrations of lower value. I’d love to omit this paragraph as being bloody obvious but these things happen all the time. I rarely use social media and even I see them. Facebook and Instagram appear to be the worst platforms for attention-seeking girls. When I hear girls talking about them I like to poke fun at their interest in lame guys who are creeping on them online all day. Usually this gets laughs and good engagement. Girls know the validation is shallow but they crave it anyway.

Most guys I know seem to choose neither good strategy. They use social media way too much. They post dumb shit that demonstrates lower value. They toss off thirsty “likes” and compliments. They’re promiscuous, unconscious users who don’t integrate any strategy into what they do, and in the process they waste their effort. Don’t be those guys. Most of the guys I work with, especially the ones who aren’t getting ahead, do this. Guys who give their attention away show that their attention has no value.

Everything you say, write, or post on social media can come back to haunt you. I’ve seen this happen.

Someone just posted about the value stoicism has in their life. I loved that post. Social media is usually the opposite of stoicism. Before you post, stop to ask: 1) will this post help move me toward getting laid? 2) what good thing can happen as a result of this post? 3) what would Marcus Aurelius do this position? 4) what does the man I admire most do on social media (I thought hard about this one… the guys I admire most, who I actually know, don’t have much time for this shit, and they know it’s not going to get them laid).

When you check social media and post there, what are you not doing? You’re not thinking for yourself. You’re not at the gym. You’re not learning new skills, like Shibari or riding a motorcycle or photography. You’re in an intermediate state that is neither being nor doing. The guys who pursue the second strategy I mentioned above are at least consciously pursuintg their goals via social media. I’ve read guys saying social media is poison and while I don’t 100% agree they have a point.

Social media is video games for women. I think guys should not play their game. Most guys have a short window (one month at most, often just a week) between meeting a woman and getting her in bed. Social media interaction is not a good way to spend that time and if anything demonstrates lower value.

Plus: “The only guys who like your pictures are the ones you don’t want to like your pictures.”

Don’t marry unless you’re ready to pay

I mean “pay” literally: “How Did Johnny Depp Find Himself in a Financial Crisis?” includes this gem: “Depp’s fiery, 15-month marriage to the actress Amber Heard cost him another $7 million.”

Depp got literally nothing out of that marriage apart from sex and some bad PR when she accused him of domestic violence. There is no reason for a man to marry today. Marriage is only a transfer of financial and attention assets from a man to a woman, as well as lawyers and whoever else can grab a piece of the action.

You probably won’t lose $7 million, but you may lose a lot more proportionally speaking. These stories should remind you that marriage is a loser for men.

There are no shortcuts. Don’t believe everything you read online.

Do not believe everything you read online and every story you hear. Many stories strike me as implausible at best. Some may have elements of truth but many, I think, lie by omission at the very least.

I was reading one of Krauser’s books and am reminded of why:

You see what I did there, comparing myself to Casanova? That’s what players do. We blow smoke up everybody’s ass. Our relationship to humility is complex; we must fake it with girls to induce them into emotional intimacy, and we must genuinely humble ourselves in private to work on our inner game issues.

Then:

The near misses and sense of falling behind were bad enough. It didn’t help that Steve had been talking about a couple of guys who were doing well at precisely the point I wasn’t. They weren’t really cold approach guys, but they were game-aware. One was a former student in his mid-fifties. Apparently, he played at being an aristocrat. He wasn’t particularly rich, but he fronted the image of it and went on gold-digger websites like SugarDaddy and MissTravel.

(I kind of do the opposite of the mid-fifties guy: I try to downplay work and money, even though I could flaunt both. I have seen guys try and I think basic masculine identity and polarity work better and are truer.)

But it isn’t what it seems:

He’d subsequently dug around and talked to the guy some more, and it turned out he’d been fronting to Steve only marginally less than he did to the girls. While he was indeed getting some decent success, it wasn’t quite as good or free as he’d claimed in the original story. Per the photos, the girls weren’t that hot. Moreover, there weren’t that many of them because a lot of girls turned him down when they discovered he’d lied about himself.

This guy had done a respectable effort at hustling – it’s not easy for a fifty year-old man to bang young hotties for free, after all – but like most people he’d dressed it up into something larger than it was.

Sound familiar to you, if you’ve been reading The Red Pill for a while? It should. It sounds very familiar to me. You can read some of the skepticism about other people’s claims in my past commentary on Reddit.

Especially for guys who say they slay while also achieving many other goals.

Krauser:

There’s a tension between chasing women and accomplishing other things in life. For all their seductive pleasures, women are dream-killers. So long as there’s a sniff of hot pussy wafting along the air, I’m off like a hunting dog chasing a scent. I couldn’t multi-task this area of my life.

Really being a player if you are not already extremely good looking or have some other advantage is extremely hard. Being a player is a part-time job in itself. This is part of the reason I augment regular sex with some paid sex. The former is repeatable but the latter is damned efficient and the quality of the woman can be very high. Throughout my life I’ve had goals other than fucking women and consequently I have never developed really good cold-approach skills. There are no shortcuts but I’ve tried to be efficient and that has also driven me towards the consciously non-monogamous community. Chances are that if there’s a shortcut to sex I’ve tried it.

All have drawbacks. Some fit my personality.

To conclude the Krauser bit:

The lesson of both older men’s hustles was the same lesson I’d been learning for years: consistently banging younger-hotter-tighter is difficult. Every man who is pulling it off has dedication, fortitude, a spark of ingenuity, and above all – a system. I had yet to meet the man who was getting younger-hotter-tigher handed to him on a platter.

Same here. I have seen some stupendously wealthy guys use money to get it (I think there is a kind of rich-guy-hot-younger-girl circuit in most major cities, and I have seen glimpses of it in mine). I have seen some guys with unusual lifestyles pull it. But this is like 1 – 2% of men and I doubt they are reading this.

Adventure_Sex_coverKrauser says that he notices patterns in his game and that some of those patterns were “well-theorised, because I’d discussed it with friends, like Tom or John.” It’s hard, I won’t say impossible but very hard, to become really good at anything without some help, from friends or mentors to help you, and from some rivals to push you. If you are attempting to do something totally alone you will likely never get as good as you could be. This is also a reason I have never gotten as good at game as I could: I have never met anyone truly committed to reaching the top. In my experience most guys who get into game or going out to meet women just want to find a nice, pretty girlfriend, and once they get one they stop. They don’t question the underlying structure of the date-marry-children social script.

While you need to not believe everything everything you read, you should know that progress is possible, that hard work does pay off eventually, and that you can improve yourself from where you are now. Almost everyone around me, including colleagues, and all my normal friends think my total aversion to sugar, indifference towards cars and many other consumer goods, and disinclination towards marriage is weird. I see them putting in average effort and getting average outcomes. Every day you have a choice between picking up the video game controller or the barbell. You have a choice between practicing the skill that will lead you to the beter job or watching TV. You have a choice between stuffing your face with basic carbs or learning how to roast sweet potatoes and beets. The choices you make will impact everything that happens in the course of the rest of your life.

All of us are living in an “unnatural” environment, at least by many metrics. This has bad aspects (gross food, sedentary lifestyles, car-based travel that requires no physical effort) and good aspects (can fuck many hot women if you achieve masculine polarity and learn game, can be better than many other people, can travel the world on airplanes, can read as many books as you have time to read, which is a new phenomenon most of you don’t take advantage of). Once you realize this you should try to take the good parts of the environment and jettison the bad. This is hard to do. If there are two themes in all my writing they are “this is hard” and “achieve masculine identity and the rest will follow.”

I said that you will accomplish more if you choose to do so, and you will, but “more” and “better” are relative. In real life most the player guys and player stories I hear are exaggerated or simply untrue. Not universally and not all the time but most of the time. I read some of the stories here and doubt them. If you improve your life and don’t accomplish some of the things some guys here claim they have, don’t worry about it. Those claims may not be meritorious. Work on yourself every day and positive things will happen, but online anyone can claim anything. Watch real life with your own eyes.

There are no shortcuts, but there are some high-value guys who aren’t any good at delivering that value. For them, a little game and encouragement can create spectacular results. I wouldn’t call that a shortcut, however. I’d call it learning to deliver what you’ve got.

[FR] Slept with a girl I first met eight years ago

About eight years ago I met a young-but-legal girl at a dance class. She went to school out of state. Over the course of the class I ramped up the flirting with her and her friends, and I while I never outright slept with her (not for lack of trying) we did some other things and she eventually went home. Not an interesting story, but last weekend she came to town for work. She’d broken up with her long-term boyfriend of like six or seven years and I invited her to stay with me. She’s nerdier than most girls, which I like because it’s possible to have a real conversation with her.

She came over, I took her out to drink at two favorite bars (if you bring a lot of girls to the same bar or couple bars over and over again interesting things will happen to you…) and then back to my place for sex. No LMR and extremely high levels of connection. In some sense there wasn’t a lot of “game.” She was horny and available and stayed with me for sex. Next time she’s in town I’m going to try bringing her to a sex club or party with me, although she’s apprehensive about that and I’m not sure it’s going to happen. She also told me this time something that I figured: when I first started seeing her she hadn’t had sex before and found me scary, intimidating, and attractive at the same time. In retrospect I think I was acting too aloof around her and didn’t offer enough comfort, or she was just too inexperienced to get where we both wanted to go.

I’ve hung out with her once a year or so and even met her now-ex boyfriend. I’m sure many of you would think this behavior is “beta” or “friendzoned,” but I like her in general and the sexual tension was consistently high. I think that if she’d stayed longer when I first met her I would’ve been her first. At the time I was also pretty deep with someone else, and she knew about the other woman, so that may have dissuaded her. So it goes.

It’s of course true that you shouldn’t be “friends” with a woman who is in your orbit and who you want to fuck and who you stay “friends” with because you’re slavering to fuck her. But if you have good pipeline and are fucking other girls anyway and don’t have oneitis, you should play the long game, and as your game develops it becomes possible to have girls orbit you rather than you orbiting them. The difference is important and as you gain experience you’ll recognize the difference. As I get older more women from the past swing around for a fuck or another fuck. Sometimes age has made me say no but sometimes it’s still very good and low-effort lay.

It is possible to play the long game. More often women I don’t sleep with immediately go away, or I stop replying to their messages. But sometimes old leads come back and the pleasure of this one is intense. In the last decade her body and mind have developed enormously and she’s much better looking and fuller looking now than she was then. The sex was excellent and in that time she’s had one primary boyfriend and, in the last couple months, a FWB. I’m not used to teaching girls her age about fucking, but this one hasn’t had a wide enough range of partners to have really tested all the ways she likes fucking… for example, she responded incredibly well to a buttplug. Having a lot of toys around is as useful as having any other tool around like those special screwdrivers Apple requires to open their laptops.

There are many stories around about guys doing same-day lays or first date lays. Those are great and I’ve done them. But, contrary to what you may read online, there are still many girls who won’t sleep with a guy till she knows him pretty well. Problem is that you can’t tell who those are or those will be in advance.

Sometimes very demure-seeming girls turn out to be ragingly sexual and sometimes forward-seeming girls turn out to be attention whores who don’t have much sex. When I read guys who talk online about their endless SDLs I get skeptical. Some of the things I read and you read seem really unlikely to me, which may be the subject of a future discussions.

When I first met this girl, I’d known her about eight weeks before I even got her properly undressed. Usually I wouldn’t wait that long and most of the time women who won’t accelerate quickly are tooling you. But that isn’t always true. The sexual tension was always there between us, and that enabled last weekend. If you can maintain decent sexual tension over time good things may happen.

There are probably 100 women with whom I have some kind of distant and potentially sexual connection. Guys are overall better off seeking new women than returning to ones we’ve already tried for, but if you cultivate your pool you’ll eventually find a lot of easy lays that drop on top of you. Plus this girl is cool in general.

Consider this a companion to “Snapchat in Game.” If you have good masculine fundamentals and basic game, you can leverage that basic game into a lot of good solid lays later on. You can’t fake masculine fundamentals and if you have them, many other things become much easier / simpler. Many issues that are about “game” or girls “playing games” or about a guy being disrespected are actually issues of the guy not have good masculine fundamentals. Androgynous-seeming guys often get walked over or sexually ignored. Masculine guys rarely have those problems.

I’m also less driven by sex than I used to be, so going longer without doesn’t bother me like it did when I was younger. I wonder if at some point I’m going to take a break, maybe a long break, from the chase.