Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy

Mark Regnerus says, “My central claim in this book is that cheap sex is plentiful—that it’s flooding the market in sex and relationships—and that this has had profound influence on how American men and women relate to each other.” Yeah, he’s right, for the very top guys. Top 20% probably. The other guys are playing videogames and bitching on the Internet. Game is so important because the top guys are getting the sex. If you don’t learn game and you’re not a natural, all the other guys are going to be getting laid and you’re going to be whining instead of learning. It must be dispiriting to be the average guy reading about all the sex other guys are having and not having it himself. The average guy is too lazy to turn his frustration into action,  so he keeps sitting on the couch, while the guys who use frustration to propel themselves into action start getting laid.

The book is based around the myth that there’s this sexual cornucopia out there for guys. There is, yeah, and I’ve had it. I’ve had it in general and I’ve had it through the swinger and open-relationship worlds. But access isn’t free and it isn’t that easy for the vast majority of guys. If it were the game world wouldn’t be blowing up like it is.

Most women are unsatisfied too, because guys have left their masculine identities behind. I used to think women were just lying whiners, but now that I’ve learned enough game to evaluate guys the way women do, I see their point. Sleeping with a fat or skinny fat video game player who is unemployed or underemployed can’t be much fun for most women, even women who are themselves fat or skinny fat. Women are unsatisfied because guys are unsatisfying. Learning game makes women happier too. They want to be seduced but most men are too inept to bother learning how to do it.

Guys who aren’t red pill and getting laid are going to get angry reading the book. One Regnerus interviewee, Sarah, says, “I meet people in strange places. . . . It just happens.” From her perspective I bet she’s being honest, but she means that she takes zero responsibility for her decisions and she also only responds to what men offer her. Only the boldest and most game-trained men open a lot of strangers, so she’s naturally selecting for guys who are in it for sex. Kinda stupid if you think about it, right? But she doesn’t, or doesn’t critically, kind of like how fat guys playing video games wonder why they get no tail.

Individual responsibility is the basis of achievement. Sarah gets around to fucking “David, a musician who seemed more committed to making it in the industry than to making it work with her.” No shit. Musicians don’t want long-term relationships, and music is an almost purely mating call signal with little long-term economic viability.

Guys who do music are specializing in casual sex. I recommend that guys work to specialize in casual sex: hit the gym, don’t eat sugar, learn game, rather than civilization-building: get a job, maximize income via long work hours, etc. Guys need some minimum viable amount of money, but the rest is game.

Regnerus also cites a precursor book, Anthony Giddens’s The Transformation of Intimacy, and in that book Giddens predicts how the

achievement of reciprocal sexual pleasure [becomes] a key element in whether the relationship is sustained or dissolved. The cultivation of sexual skills, the capability of giving and experiencing sexual satisfaction, on the part of both sexes, [has] become organizad reflexively via a multitude of sources of sexual information, advice and training.

Couldn’t agree more. Guys need to develop sexual skills. Women would rather be with an exciting deadbeat who gets them off than a boring office guy who doesn’t. If she keeps getting off she’ll keep coming back. She wants to be taken to a sex shop, pick out some toys, and then have you use them on her. The first time a woman gets off with a plug in the back and a man in her front, she often thinks she’s seen God. Doesn’t matter that it’s a physiological illusion. You want her to think you’re Jesus. Cultivate your sexual skills. Great lovers are made much more than they’re born.

Regnerus says, “Opportunistic men are pressing women to operate more like men by privileging the physical over all other traits, and women—to mate at all—feel like they must play along.” He means, “women, to mate with the highest-value men, feel like they must play along.” Plus, a lot of women bring zero skills to their relationships. I’ve met a million slovenly women with no cooking skills who literally bring no concrete skills to the relationship apart from sex. If all they bring is sex, then yeah, guys are going to evaluate them on looks.

I’ve literally had this conversation with exes who bring up the ultimatum: move in or I’m moving on. And when I say I won’t live with a woman, they want to know why, and I ask, “What skills do you bring to this relationship?” They’re confused and then I point out to them that I’m a better cook, I make more money than they do, and I have better mechanical skills than they do. So what are they going to do to make my life and our household better? What gains from trade are we going to reap?

Then they start crying and I feel bad about making them cry.

We break up anyway.

Women won’t stay in uncommitted relationships for more than two years. Usually much shorter than that. Personally I’m happy to make them my official girlfriend as long as they’re willing to do swinging and non-monogamy, which, as I’ve said before, are underrated for top 20% RP guys.

Women want guys who make more money than they do, but if you’re a guy who makes more money you are also putting a lot of it at risk: “Women are far more likely to want out of their marriages than men. Among divorcees, 55 percent of women said they wanted their marriages to end more than their spouses, while only 29 percent of men reported the same.” So there’s a paradox: guys who want to marry often can’t because women won’t take their broke selves, while guys who don’t want to marry because they have too much to lose are often most sought by women.

Don’t get married. I’ve said it a million times before and will keep saying it till guys wise up. If you absolutely must must must must get married, do it after age 35 and after at least 50+ partners. Otherwise you just don’t know women. You might think you know women, but you don’t. When I was 21 I was like, “I’m such a stud, I’ve banged chicks, I know it all.”

I didn’t know shit.

I still don’t know that much. But from talking to a lot of guys, it’s apparent that I know more than the average guy. Which isn’t very much.

There is much more to this book than I’ve written here and I recommend it to all guys who want a better view of what’s happening. Regnerus doesn’t go all the way RP but he’s damned close.

Don’t get married and make sure you get that DNA test

So. The new Esther Perel book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity ,is out. I read her first book Mating in Captivity and that book solidified to me how dangerous Western marriage is. I’ve been slipping Mating in Captivity to friends, after a couple of beers, for years. I’m sure most of them don’t read it. Then they marry and divorce and cry when their exes take all their money.

You need to read the new book, although I’ve only gotten through a few pages. This is an important part:

Whether we like it or not, philandering is here to stay. And all the ink spilled advising us on how to “affair-proof” our relationships has not managed to curb the number of men and women who wander. Infidelity happens in good marriages, in bad marriages, and even when adultery is punishable by death.

She’s right. So the solution is, do not get married. And if she says that baby is yours, get the DNA test to prove it. RP guys like to say there are guys who are cheated on and guys who are cheated with. Be the latter. Don’t get married. It’s not impossible that a married (not to me) woman had my kid, and I should write that story (she was married, work weekend, she wanted to use a condom…).

Know how to “rethink infidelity?” Rethink marriage. Specifically, guys shouldn’t marry, at least not while the legal system in the United States is stacked against them.

Feminists have been castigating marriage for decades. They’re going to get a world where guys don’t want to subsidize chicks. Which isn’t going to make a lot of women happy. Guys are waking up.

“What are your rules for talking about RP concepts?”

In response to “Warning about falling into the girl’s frame,” on Reddit this guy asked:

What are your rules for dispensing knowledge? (RP and non. RP)…. Who/When/Why. Seems there are a lot of stupid people and thus many opportunities are presented.

While there are no hard and fast rules, most of the time a guy shouldn’t talk about RP stuff at all… to the extent I do, I talk with women I’ve already been sleeping with for a while and who are thus in my frame already. Like that warning post: I’ve been sleeping with Bike Girl for a while. It’s possible to drop RP hints here and there as teases, but I don’t recommend going into full professor mode, probably ever. But there are a few principles for when you do talk…

1) Never use any of the jargon. Many people intuitively understand the ideas, but the jargon will repel them.

2) Must be done in a playful, cheeky way. This goes back to the idea of teasing. In addition, playful and cheeky can be plausibly denied later or as needed.

3) Should be done either 1:1 or in small groups. In large groups you don’t want standard BP conditioning to take over.

4) Less is more. Don’t address someone’s entire worldview or ideology. Don’t be a priest. In the example above, I didn’t shit on feminism or make huge pronouncements on all aspects of men versus women. The point was constrained to one facet of male-female dynamics and centered on the friend.

5) Be ready to back down. This may not read as “alpha” to typical guys online, but social circumstances aren’t an academic debate. You’re chatting with people and it’s not worth blowing up good social vibes for some issue most people don’t give a shit about. This is related to point 2. If someone gets huffy, just say, “Whatever, live your life” and move on. The smile or smirk are key. Amused mastery is better than being “right,” except sometimes at work where being right matters more. Social context matters for everything. If you are an engineer or doctor, then being factually correct is very important. If you are chatting with your friends, being cool is more important than being right (or being seen as being right).

6) The real knowledge comes not from what you say but how you live. Your life is the best example. Pretty much no one cares about what you say (sorry, but it’s true). People admire or dislike you for how you live and what you do. People listen to high-status people they admire, not some blowhard with an average or below-average life, even if that blowhard is technically “right” about whatever. Like I said above, in an engineering meeting, being right matters, and in most other human social endeavors it does not. Many celebrities who you and I are think are dumb have more influence than you or me because they’re widely admired. Socially admired people have influence and weirdo outsiders spouting strange theories of human behavior do not.

I’m sure there are others, but those come to mind. When in doubt, shut up. Seriously. Shutting up is underrated. Most people like to hear themselves talk and talk about themselves. Let them.

I’ve slept with far more girls through shutting up at the right time than I have through talking or being “right.” Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People is still a great book. It’s not clear from the original post I wrote, but in that conversation I talked far less than I listened, and I listened for a long time to the friend. This may read as “beta” to less experienced guys, but, again, most people like to broadcast and don’t care about the objective reality of a situation or how to improve their life. People who really want to improve their lives are the exceptions. Look at the fatties all around you: most would like to not be fat, but they can’t be bothered to improve their lives.

These things are hard to do and require social savvy, and that’s why most RP people say, “Don’t talk about RP.” That’s much easier and less likely to lead to errors. A delicate touch, if any, is necessary. Most online RP people seem to be angry and not very socially savvy, so it is not a surprise that they get burned when they attempt to tell others about the Red Pill without first improving themselves.

Warning about falling into the girl’s frame

I had an educational experience with Bike Girl and one of her friends, who was complaining about the way five of her ex-boyfriends had cheated on her. At first I was quiet and Bike Girl was commiserating with the friend. Finally the friend wanted my view, and I asked the common question, What do all five of those guys have in common?

The obvious answer is, Her. She picked all of them. She’s also a pretty girl so she can pick from a wide range of guys.

Most likely, a girl with a long history of “cheating” exes is more desperate than usual for attention from very high value guys. Those guys have lots of options, which they are only too happy to exercise. The girl eventually finds out and then whines to her girlfriends about how guys are scum, totally ignoring her own role in picking guys who are oriented towards sleeping with lots of women.

I didn’t put it exactly like that, which is too RP, and when the friend began to fight back, I backed off some and said that it’s her life and she should live it however she wants. That is something I do believe, just like I believe most people lived in a world so heavily wrapped in illusion that they can’t discern the outer light.

There was no way I was going to enter this girl’s frame about how men are cheating scum. It is true that most men feel the need to sleep with as many women as possible, but it’s also true that anyone who consistently gets together with consistent, bold cheaters is somewhat complicit in the cheating. Five times means there is something inside the friend, not in the five exes.

After, Bike Girl asked what I thought, and I told her the truth: I think her friend is a fool and is old enough to know something of herself, men, and dating. That she doesn’t, speaks to who she is, mentally and psychologically. In an inexperienced girl of 21 or 22 such ignorance would be reasonable. In a chick older than 25, one who should have the reading and experience to know better, it becomes appalling, or a sign of intellectual deficit or inability to face the interior self.

Most interesting is Bike Girl’s reaction, which was respect for knowledge. Being able to know things and to distribute knowledge in a way that’s not off-putting is a hard balance. Given some of our experiences I also think Bike Girl knows a lot about my dim views on monogamy. I haven’t told her everything in my past and never will, but she gets the main point.

I am not a master PUA but I’m not a beta supplicant either, and I think Bike Girl’s friend wasn’t expecting someone to disagree with her girlish nonsense. Yet disagreeing, amiably yet directly, also I think increased Bike Girl’s attraction to me. So did being able to imply her friend is dumb and misguided without being crude enough to say so.

One of my favorite books is Being Wrong. Read it! And know too that if you are not reading books you are likely much dumber than you would be if you did read regularly. This is a harsh thing to say, but it’s also important and true. Almost all the really smart people I know are heavy readers. You don’t have to be a heavy reader to get the girl, but if you want access to smarter girls and you want the ability to maintain a mental connection in a relationship, get reading and talk about what you’re reading.

Why a guy should never marry, as described by women

I Can’t Afford to Divorce My Rich Husband” is an amazing example of what RP guys like to call “female hamstering.” In this piece, “Eliza, 31, wants a divorce. Both she and her husband, Sam, have changed a lot since they got together in their early 20s.” But, “The problem is Sam makes a lot more money than Eliza. She teaches English at a high school, and she’s dependent on Sam’s income (he’s an investment banker) for a part of their expenses, including the mortgage on their house.”

The advice given to her is simple: take him for everything she can:

Bahn would know. Three years ago, her husband walked out, thrusting her into a financial bind: She had recently decided — with her husband’s encouragement — to quit her job to focus on her dissertation while he supported them. Without him, she couldn’t pay rent, let alone afford legal counsel. But before putting her Ph.D. on hold to frantically search for a job, Bahn discovered that she was entitled to support during divorce proceedings. This is known as pendente lite relief: The less-monied spouse (usually a woman) can petition the court to receive “reasonable” coverage for legal fees and living expenses until a divorce agreement is finalized. This is something you should consider.

So what does this woman, Eliza, bring to the marriage? Nothing. She doesn’t even have kids with her husband. She’s going to get a ton of money for putting nothing whatsoever into the marriage, except perhaps sex, assuming sex is worth anything.

This guy was probably young and dumb when he got married, and he probably didn’t realize how much money he’d end up paying when his wife loses interest in him. He’ll learn the hard way, like so many guys.

Guys should read this and remind themselves: Do not get married. At all. Ever.

 

“Memoir of Growing Up Fat Forces France to Look in the Mirror,” yeah, no kidding

Memoir of Growing Up Fat Forces France to Look in the Mirror.”  That’s because fatties are gross. Not only are they gross, but they demonstrate a lack of some combination of intelligence, conscientiousness, and knowledge. Intelligence, because they might not understand why the sugar they stuff in their faces makes them fat; conscientiousness, because they may understand but lack the willpower to change; or knowledge, because they may simply not know or never have been told.

Do you want to hire a stupid, lazy, or ignorant person? Neither do I. Unless they work cheap.

This is total nonsense:

Unlike in the United States, where TV regularly features programs urging viewers to take a positive view of their bodies

It is true that TV features fat acceptance, but in the real world of dating markets and employment markets things are quite different. Even if someone will try to virtue-signal about fat acceptance, in reality no one who can avoid dating such people will date them.

Every loser guy who hits the Internet gets the same advice: hit the gym, quit sugar, quit video games, develop hobbies that bring you into contact with other people, and learn how to dress yourself. TV, video games, and social media suck up insane amounts of time, and quitting them allows a man to better himself.

The more a guy is in shape in a  fat society, the more he stands out.

I’ve met lots of overweight women via online dating, although only by accident when they lie in pictures. I don’t want to date them, but I sometimes invite the ones who seem nice to the gym. Very few come. Of those who come, almost none come more than once. Fat people primarily have themselves to blame, at least those who are past the age of majority. I’m that obnoxious guy who, in the presence of a fat chick hitting on him, only talks about the gym and dieting. Boring topics, but the right topic around fat chicks.

“‘Willing to Do Everything,’ Mothers Defend Sons Accused of Sexual Assault”

‘Willing to Do Everything,’ Mothers Defend Sons Accused of Sexual Assault” is about the batshit crazy sexual culture infesting some parts of today’s college campuses. Accusing a man of sexual assault has become a mark of pride in many precincts, and common sense is extremely uncommon, so we get this parade of nonsense enabled and encouraged by cowardly university administrators.

But mothers are women and know what women are like. In many ways they’re strong figureheads for their sons.

In other positive news, “Betsy DeVos Ends a Campus Witch Hunt.” At least something good is coming out of the horror of the Trump administration. I’d guess that she’s attempting to end the campus witch hunt, but the culture of the hunt likely goes on.