“When the U.S. falls into a recession, a credit bubble will explode”

When the U.S. falls into a recession, a credit bubble will explode.” This is outside my typical purview, but it has been long enough since the last recession for everyone to have forgotten its lessons. In the mid-2000s, I knew lots of ballers who were buying very expensive cars and a lot of stupid people who suddenly got into “flipping” houses, because real estate is a can’t-lose proposition, right?

Except for the way real estate value tanked in ’91. The way it eroded in value during inflation in the ’70s. The way it really fell in the ’30s. Even in the ’01 recession, it at best held steady.

A lot of those ballers in the mid-2000s were bankrupt by 2009. Right now, I’m seeing a lot of the same signs: stupid people eager to get into real estate. Too many cars being bought relative to the number of drivers. Student loan debt problems are already well known.

You make a lot of money by being bold when everyone else cowers, and by being cowardly when everyone else is bold. Right now it seems like a lot of people are bold… I’m going to cower over here in the corner and let the ballers do their thing. People with cash on hand during recessions can make the real money. I wasn’t able to do so last time. I might not be able to do so this time.

Part of game, IMO, is being able to stand aside from the herd. The same thing is true in financial markets. Most guys never learn about 1. Game. 2. Evolutionary biology. 3. Cooking/food. 4. Finances. in school. We then pay for our ignorance throughout our lives.

Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come the first two or three times, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychologically pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and like, I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… every girl is different, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around and pour attention into the chick without getting sex in return. If a guy is too needy and available, he will at best put himself in the friend zone and at worst turn her off altogether. This is why guys are told to work on volume and move to big cities… the best way to be suitably unavailable is to have other chicks you’re pursuing, so no single chick takes up too much of your mental time and attention. You need not play many games if you are genuinely a busy guy.

Two stories about this. A couple years ago, there is a chick I met through friends who was genuinely busy starting her own business and doing some other stuff… the attraction was there but the logistics were complicated. I stayed in loose contact with her, and, although there were lots of reasons we couldn’t meet at various points, she was consistently polite and responsive. She even apologized for sounding like a bitch. I didn’t get upset with her or anything like that… but I also kept texting fairly minimal.

It took something like three months of occasional contact to get her out (each time I quit texting, she would ping me again), and when I did we had like one or two drinks and then sex all night. She claimed she hadn’t had sex in a long time due to whatever else she had going on. Could be a lie, could be the truth, I don’t know and didn’t really care. It doesn’t matter much. For a while we were meeting, usually about once a week or so, to f**k and talk about business.

There is another girl, just like this one, who I met via the non-monogamy scene, and almost exactly the same thing has been playing out (except I already f**ked her at a party that I was w/ Ms. Slav… she had a boyfriend at the time, who did not do real well at the party… he did not have appropriate drugs with him, and I think she was more sexual than him in general). I am genuinely busy w/ Ms. Slav, among others, and she is learning some complex skills… she is texting consistently and is pretty direct w/ her schedule, limitations, etc., and a couple times worked for her but have not worked for me. I told her that I understand and have an intense job, other commitments, have been in her position, etc., and she seems to appreciate it.

To be sure this one might go nowhere… but investment so far has been pretty minimal on my end. But she seems fairly low bullshit, and what she says could be true. I’m primarily sticking to logistics… and she is responsive… so the investment is low and the payoff is reasonably high.

Some chicks play games, but others may authentically have a lot going on in their lives. Time sorts out who is who.

With logistics, I also like consolidating almost all texting into one or two shots per day. This allows me to focus on other projects the rest of the time. I notice more and more that younger colleagues have trouble concentrating and spend 3x as long as they should on a given task. I have been handing out copies of Deep Work, to explain to them what they need to do. It is scary easy to let hours and days ago by and not realize what you’ve been doing that whole time. Maybe this is also why so few game writers age 20 – 30 seem to exist (where are you???)… too busy drowning in social media?

You only see the tip of the spear

In many lay reports and game stories, you only see the tip of the spear. You see the open, the initial interactions, some dates, and the lay. You (typically) don’t see the numerous hours, days, months, years spent developing the skills necessary to get to the open and the lay.

I say this because I read some guys lamenting how game doesn’t work for them, how they don’t understand why it works for other guys, etc. To take myself as an example, I don’t know how many hours I’ve spent in the gym, at the yoga studio, or playing sports. I haven’t spent very much time on shopping/fashion, but I have spent more time on those things than the median guy. I don’t know how much time I’ve spent working, but it’s a lot of time and seems to be more than average. I spend zero time on video games and very little on TV or social media. Many guys become invested in professional sports… why watch a bunch of millionaires you don’t know, who don’t care about you, doing something that doesn’t matter? The time other guys spend doing that, I am at the gym, dating, reading, cooking, going out with friends, etc.

These practices compound over time. A guy who has been doing compound lifts for a year has advantages over guys who have been doing them for a month. A guy who has a consistent work record had advantages over guys who don’t. A guy with a lot of experience with women has advantages with the next woman.

You don’t know how many books I’ve read about women, evolutionary psychology, and desire.

You don’t know how many times I’ve failed.

You don’t know how many times I’ve been frustrated, justifiably or not.

I’m writing all this because I read about a lot of guys who are starting from a super low level. Guys who don’t realize that they are sometimes competing with guys who have spent many years improving themselves and their value delivery mechanisms. If you’re a guy starting from a low place, you may need to spend a lot of time improving yourself, your life, and your value-delivery all at the same time. You cannot get where you want to go without great, effective effort.

(“Effective” effort… a lot of guys seem to put in a lot of ineffective effort, then wonder why things are not working out for them.)

In some ways, I have been working on building and maintaining value since I was a teenager. That’s true in social network terms, in sports/athletics terms, in work terms (I have had some kind of job more or less continuously since I was 16), and in skill terms. If you are an average flabby/overweight guy whose life consists of a boring job followed by fast food, video games, porn, and TV… you may need a complete life overhaul. I’m working with decades of continual effort, and an average guy is probably not going to see results with a week or two of effort. Since I’m not trying to sell a magic self-improvement program that will help you overhaul your life in just one month for a small initial fee of $99, I can say that.

There is no easy way; there is only the hard way. Some guys are reaping dividends from years, sometimes a lifetime, of work. Some guys come from relatively fortunate backgrounds. Some guys don’t. If you come from a shit background, you may have to spend hours, days, months, years attempting to correct.

As a guy, you can start doing things right today, and your efforts may not pay dividends for months or years. But what is the alternative? That you never get where you want to go?

You are competing for young hot chicks. If you don’t want to compete, hunt for older, not-hot chicks, and you will not have to compete as much. This is why sports are so useful for young people, and sometimes older people: they teach you how to compete.

Everyone has struggle. When you are looking at porn, remember that the chick is typically being paid to be there, and that porn caters to the male fantasy of having young hot chicks readily available for NSA sex. Just like romance novels, porn for chicks, caters to the female fantasy of having a top 1% man prove his intense masculinity, then commit to a basic chick (the heroine) for no good reason. Fantasy has its place, I don’t deny that, but if you indulge in too much, you don’t get the feedback you need from reality. The Internet is filled with people, guys and chicks, who have too little reality feedback, or who can’t accept the feedback reality gives them.

Guys who get unhappy that the chicks they want are rejecting them, need to improve their value and value-delivery mechanism (aka game). Chicks who get unhappy about the way guys don’t attend to her at age 35 like they did at age 25 have the same issues… except they can’t improve their value much… call me a feminist, but I feel compassionate towards chicks who mis-use their value. I’ve seen it put this way: imagine you’re handed a million-dollar check at age 18. What would you do with it? Some guys would sensibly invest in an index fund and reap the gains for their lives, most would probably blow it on stupid shit. Hot chicks are basically getting a million-dollar check at age 18.

I don’t know who first came up with that metaphor. It’s incredibly accurate. It is possible to get some normal chicks to behave like porn stars, for an individual guy, but it’s typically a process… a process that we call game… and game is a combination of value + value delivery.

Cleaning house after the death: de-clutter and live your experience

I have a somewhat different view of physical objects and possessions than most people I know, maybe because I’ve been involved in cleaning out the houses of dead elderly relatives. I try to do a kind of minimalism. If an object is not being used regularly, I get rid of it. If I can replace a larger object with a smaller one, I try to do that (like moving from a DSLR camera to a mirrorless camera… some of you may protest that I can just use a phone, but I can’t, not while retaining anything like the image and video quality I desire and you should desire). As a person accumulates more stuff, he stops owning the stuff and the stuff starts owning him. I have written before that some of the best sex I’ve had and done occurred in a small studio apartment that had a bed, a couple of pots, some books, a desk, a computer, and not much else. Chicks would remark on the spartan decor after I’d f**ked them a few times. Sometimes the first time. I’d shrug and talk about how experiences are more valuable than possessions. The less you have, the more mobile you are.

About the dead relatives. Apart from cash and some sentimental photos, pretty much nothing they had was valuable. Their art that showcased their super-important taste and personalities… the carefully chosen furniture that had gone out of date and smelled like old people… their weird collections… it got trashed because it wasn’t of any real value. The person who died imagined its value, and their imaginary value died with them. It had meaning to the person who owned it, not to the other people. The advent of eBay and Amazon have made these problems even more acute. Turns out that most “antiques… ” no one gives a shit about them. A “collector’s item” is just a marketing ploy. People collect experiences, unique states of mind… those are the things that matter. What you can do matters. What you can do to make the world a better place matters. What you have, it doesn’t, except to you. Most chicks won’t be that impressed with it.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t get attached to stuff. Only think about what stuff does for you and how it enables you to live your best life. Too much stuff makes you immobile. Get rid of it. Read Marie Kondo. Focus on the game. Realize most women don’t care much about your stuff. They care about YOU.

Marie Kondo is big in the culture right now. I’m sure some of you are like, “A CHICK? I can’t listen to a CHICK.” In which case you have become like some of the feminists you claim to dislike. Anyway, point is that she has a book, now she has Netflix show, and it’s for a good reason. Most people have way too much shit.

That’s one mistake I haven’t made. I’ve made lots of mistakes.

Life is short. It’s a cliche but it’s also true. I didn’t appreciate that in my teens and 20s, like most people that age. The older you get, the more people you see die, the more real this becomes. It’s part of the reason I think guys age 35 – 40 start to want to have kids… you realize that you really are a temporary, transient phenomenon and you want to “pass the torch.” I feel grateful for a lot of what my family has done for me… it’s important to pass that on. One thing I’m hesitant about in the pickup / RP worlds is that a lot of guys seem to be filled with hate, with conniving, with a desire to con other people. I don’t feel that way. I don’t want to let other, unrelated people sap my value, but I also want to make the most of existence and to let other people exist too. Having more stuff, it doesn’t make your life better. It’s just encumbrances.

I see guys, they focus on how this couch or this piece of clothing or this other thing will help them get laid, and it doesn’t. Worst of all, I see them get married, try to give the wife the big house in the nice neighborhood… it doesn’t matter. In the divorce, she’ll keep it anyway. The right thing to do is buy less than you can afford… to think about what really matters in life… to make the most of what you already have. So few guys get here. So few guys understand that the woman doesn’t want his stuff, she wants him, and what his stuff is doesn’t really matter. It should be clean, and he should have a good space to f**k her in, beyond that it doesn’t matter.

The idea that we should horde stuff is a holdover from evolutionary history when stuff was rare and valuable. It’s a holdover from childhood, when more was better (because kids are stupid). It’s not a useful belief for employed adults. The desire for stuff lets us fall prey to marketers. This is a point in Geoffrey Miller, Spent: Sex, Evolution, and Consumer Behavior, a book everyone but especially guys in the game should read. The #1 way marketers sell stuff is by implying that it will improve your sex life. In fact, most physical stuff will not improve your sex life. Instead of being convinced that stuff will improve your sex life, skip straight to the things that will actually improve your sex life, that have been described here many times and that are available in the links in the sidebar. Having a good body, a good mind, a mission in life, and real skills are 100x more attractive to most women than having a lot of money or a lot of stuff. Stuff is clutter that one day someone like me is going to have to go through and junk.

Don’t just be a consumer: A cyclist is a disaster for the economy

A disaster for the economy, and a win for the individual. The less you spend, the less you have to earn, and the less you are taxed, and the more you can make friends, interact with people, have sex, etc., instead of slaving away to pay for your spending habits. Earn to live instead of living to earn.

Most chicks don’t actually care much about your earnings or earnings potential. They want a guy who is functional, who makes them laugh, who has a decent body, who has good sex.  Most chicks don’t really care about the stuff Hollywood and the advertising edifice wants you to think they care about.

Go ahead. Be a disaster for the economy. Then watch how everyone around you wants to pull you back into the same bucket they’re scrambling around in. Spend less, live more.

One of the smartest things a guy can do is make a lot of money and spend a little. Almost no one does this. Why not?

What kind of guy is willing to appear in these articles?

Commenter Jake says,

I read the first link (as much of it as I could stomach) and I can only concur with Nash’s comment to the second link that poly in the US must be a “shitshow”. If consensual non-monogamy wants to become widespread, it needs to distance itself from these new-age-nooky nutjobs. Indigo wants to change the world by making others refer to her as “them” (but using the personal pronoun when talking about themself!), and screwing a few lame-ass soyboys who couldn’t even construct an IKEA bookshelf, let alone a coherent society. SMH

He’s mostly right. But: cool, masculine guys doing poly, don’t want to come out to the world as doing poly: they don’t want to humiliate themselves, humiliate the women they’re with, or disrupt their jobs and lives. Cool, masculine guys doing poly do it under the radar, in private conversations. They (we?) don’t want to be activists and don’t want to be associated by the kind of losers who appear in qz.com articles.

Most people want to associate with cooler and higher-status people, and no one willing to speak up for being poly is either. That’s because open and poly are too disruptive to the normal social order. So the only people who speak up are freaks, outliers, etc. Being publicly non-monogamous under your real name is a good way to lose a lot of real-world jobs, paying real-world rent.

There aren’t good, public spokespeople for this. Maybe there never will be. Cool women don’t want to be publicly non-monogamous because, if they do, they kill their ability to get one guy to commit to them, even as a primary partner. Coming out as publicly open is just saying, “Hit it and quit it.” Cool guys don’t want to perceived as a “cuck.” There is not much benefit to being super public and many costs. So who gets quoted? People with nothing to lose. Kooks and weirdos. Anyone remotely mainstream, stays away.

A few of my friends know a little about what I do. Almost none from the mainstream world know it all. They know a little bit, revealed in dribs and drabs. Most importantly, some of them see the fruits. If you’re a guy and you’re seen with a lot of cute or even hot chicks… your friends are going to be a lot more curious and interested in the non-mainstream parts of your life. Thta’s where something like “Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving” comes into play. Many of my friends and family have seen some evidence of the “not mainstream” parts of my life. They are curious about it because guys like me “shouldn’t” be banging some of the chicks I’ve banged. So they ask questions… I drop a thing here or there… and let them put it together.

You know how no normal chick has an Excel spreadsheet of every guy she’s dated? Few normal chicks will admit to the number of guys they’ve f**ked, all at once? Chicks are the master of trickle truth. Guys have an engineering mindset and want to explain everything. It can be useful to not explain everything all at once. It’s like my “rules for talking about RP concepts.” Guys shouldn’t use the jargon and, first and foremost, they themselves should be seen as cool and socially desirable (“The real knowledge comes not from what you say but how you live. Your life is the best example”). If you cannot do that first, no one wants to hear from you. No one wants to hear about wealth management and creation from some guy living paycheck-to-paycheck, on the verge of being fired from his job. They want to hear about it from Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger.

Do first, speak later.

The best players I think I’ve ever met, in real life, haven’t identified as players. They don’t brag about their conquests (they don’t need to). They’re a little bit “Under the radar.” Women love being seduced… preferably by a guy they think is “naturally” seducing them. I know the concept of being a “natural” is ridiculous to anyone who is not one, but that’s chick logic for you.

Almost no hot chicks will want to be with a publicly “poly” guy. Their friends will make fun of them. But a lot more chicks than you’d think will go for this sort of thing if it’s pitched to them properly. A guy who gets women will understand the female need for covert sexual behavior. So that kind of guy will not want to be publicly poly.

Plus, a guy who comes out as poly is saying to every other guy, “Take a shot at my girl.” He’s saying, “My girl might be down to bend over for you.” As I have said many times, the bulk of the non-monogamy community is about guys trading value for value. When a guy announces he is poly, he is leaving a pile of sandwiches on the table, or a stack of cash… whoever happens by is going to try and grab that value. Smart guys (mostly) don’t want to offer value without getting it in return. But when you identify as poly in an ultra-public way, you are doing just that.

A publicly poly guy is almost all drawback and almost no gain. So what kind of guy will do it? Right. I don’t want to be publicly known as a player, although many of my friends may infer that about me. I don’t want to be publicly known as poly, although many of my friends may infer that about me, too. But there is a big important gap between “inference” and “public knowledge.”

Think about chicks on vacation. When they’re away from most friends and family, they’ll do things they won’t do at home, because those things are less likely to to affect their reputations. Similar thing here. Most guys with something to lose, don’t want to “come out” as poly.