Compassion and empathy for chicks

A guy on Reddit says to me, “I just want to say thank you. You helped me,” but I was a little confused… how’d I help him? I asked, he says “A lot of the prominent voices in this community seem to be motivated by hate, but I don’t get that at all from your blog. It showed me that there is an intelligent way to approach the goals I have.”

I also read The Evolution of Desire because you had mentioned it, and that book is pretty illuminating. Its easier not to get stuck in anger when I at least understand what is going on.

Evolutionary biology is key to understanding human sexual dynamic fundamentals… evolutionary biology is the difference between trying to calculate the area under a curve with calculus versus without. Calculus is the difference between the modern world and everyone living in sod huts and being covered with shit, and there is no substitute for fundamental understanding (a common theme around here).

Read evolutionary biology and spend a lot of time with chicks, and a normal guy will develop/have some compassion and empathy for them. Chicks have their own problems, many imposed by their evolutionary path. The male path is simple, “hot chick -> want to fuck -> try to fuck.” More & hotter are better. Men who didn’t pass up sex opportunities with fertile chicks left more children than those who did.

Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it

The Graphic Designer Who Hates Making the First Move is a universal story of a woman who can’t or won’t make the first move: she finds a guy she likes, “I think he’s cute and wish he’d just make the move and ask me out. I don’t get it.” Why doesn’t she make the first move? She doesn’t say. About another guy, she says, “I could ask him out myself, but I really want someone to take the lead and I want to be pursued.” Despite what you’ve heard from feminist teachers in schools, despite the bullshit you may have imbibed from the media, women are passive and won’t make the first move. I’ve written before about this phenomenon. Women are passive, men are active (if you are a woman and are angry about this sentence, you don’t need to be angry at me… just act differently, and convince other women to as well: actions > words). As a man, it’s your job to make it happen, and it will almost certainly remain your job as long as men and women exist. Eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap, so, if you’re a man reading this, you’re going to need to be the actor, not the acted upon.

Sure, you may have heard women say “Ew, I can’t believe that guy hit on me.” Guess what? She’s making a female social power play, by saying that she’s so desirable and popular that she routinely rejects guys. That’s her game. Or, she considers the guy to be below her level (this always happens). The other day, I was walking along a strip of bars near me, and there was this woman, cute, wearing an outfit that was like 55% business / 45% T&A, skirt that was almost too short, tits almost hanging out too much, and I opened her with, I don’t know, something about business, something about the time of day, and she said something like, “Ew, no.” Or maybe just “No,” I don’t remember exactly, but it was an uncommonly cold rejection, particularly for a woman dolled up like she was.

And it doesn’t matter, the rejection, I mean.

Most women will be more polite than this one, but the rejection doesn’t matter. I’ve received hundreds like it over my life. That kind of rejection is part of the game, just like the Graphic Designer woman not being able to make the first move is part of the game. Chicks don’t make moves, they select from guys who make moves on them. Feminism hasn’t changed that. Chicks getting jobs hasn’t changed that. Claire Lehmann, an uncommonly self-aware and active chick, tweets out, “When is there going to be a story complaining about men not pursuing women in romantic situations? My lived experience is that men making women do all the work is really annoying.” The many stories of me getting laid sprinkled throughout red quest happened because I tried, and risked rejection. That men don’t understand this properly today is pathetic, but I blame it on low masculinity in society more generally, and a failure of older guys to teach younger guys how to be guys.

Are you going to be a guy who f**ks, which means you endure some rejection, or are you going to be a guy who jerks off, which means you don’t pursue women because you’re scared some woman will be mean to you?

The Graphic Designer story has one other game-relevant moment, “sometimes I swipe and match just to feel something. I could easily make a move and ask one of them out, but something is holding me back.” A very large number of chicks are on swipe apps for attention. Prefer meeting chicks in real life. As more people become social ret**ds who can’t interact with other people in real life, the value of that skill increases.

Other stories in line with this one,

• “I choose just men.”
• Things Red Pill and pickup get right about men and women
• “GOD it feels so good to get picked up.”

Yes, sometimes chicks will be mean… but you don’t know who she is until you try. There’s an extreme deficit of “trying” in our society, and an extreme excess of people saying why something won’t work or whatever. The doers still reap the rewards. More often, chicks will appreciate the male attention, if it’s calibrated and if the guy can accept “no,” which will be the most common response, even among chicks who like the attention.

“If it’s calibrated” is key. If it’s not, you’ll eventually have problems with managers, police, and so on… justifiably, too. If you have those kinds of problems, it’s time to seek out a therapist or psychiatrist who specializes in developing social skills for men. They exist. Their services are needed, but the guys who most need them are often the guys who least realize how much their services are needed.

I promised myself I’d stop linking to these often-vapid NYMag sex diary stories, but they’re such perfect examples of the schizophrenic state of female discourse that I feel compelled to link them. Until someone finally put into words the basic idea that “chicks are random,” I couldn’t properly distill a fundamental, important part of the game. But I keep linking these NYMag sex diaries cause they point to another fundamental issue, that chicks still like being feminine and want guys to be masculine. They agree with a lot of red pill and pickup advice. A veneer of “I’m a feminist!” can’t overcome millions of years of choosy females and randy, pushy males.

“I Thought I Wanted to Go It Alone” Narrator: “She did not.”

“I Thought I Wanted to Go It Alone,” a woman writes, as if she is a snake or a lizard, rather than a human. Narrator: “She did not.” No one really wants to go it alone… everyone wants to go it with someone like +2 SMV… and if that cannot be achieved… then it’s time to “go it alone” as a pose. Humans are social beings and almost none of us really want to go it alone. When someone says they want to go it alone, male or female, they are almost always posturing.

This woman has the usual delusional woman problems, “What broke my state? A few things, really. I passed 35 and wanted a baby. I fell in love and was mercilessly dumped.” Of course she wanted a baby, no one gives a f**k about their career accomplishments, compared with their family networks… and that goes triply for chicks.  Somehow almost no one among professional women circles talks honestly about this. “Your Professional Decline Is Coming (Much) Sooner Than You Think.” For chicks it’s worse, cause their SMV decline starts around age 30 and accelerates by 35.

Smart chicks understand the fleeting nature of youth and beauty and focus on having a family. They might go through a sexually adventurous and experimental phase lasting a few months to a few years, but they understand that they should have a good route from maidan to mother to crone. It’s not hard, and most chicks’s grandmas could probably tell them what to do.

I should stop posting this kind of shit… there’s so much of it… yet delusion is kind of fascinating… I think the best players understand delusion pretty well.

Boredom = death

Boredom = death, when it comes to chicks that is. This chick is f**king some guy who is nice but boring, “We had sex. He’s always very tender. It’s always slow and nice. I can come easily, so I always orgasm, but I can’t say it’s from his moves, which are pretty green.” Plus, he’s weak, if you translate from chick-speak, “He’s just so kind and thoughtful. Which brings me to my one hesitation about Ben … Sometimes I worry I’m not excited enough by him.”

This guy needs to both up his game and find a chick with slightly lower SMV. The woman just broke up with a doctor she names Drew, “When Drew and I were together, we would go away most weekends. I was always dying to be with him. Like, panting for him. With Ben, it couldn’t be more opposite. I feel Zen. I wouldn’t call it ‘blah’; it’s more like calm.” She knows her SMV is at risk from aging, “He was a resident, and she was one of the nurses. This happened a year ago, when I turned 30. It killed me. It still kills me. Sometimes at work I look at his Instagram page and try to analyze it. Is he with the nurse?”, but she doesn’t act that way. Probably his nurse is a little younger and also more economically functional.

The chick in the story is probably not a good earner, “Work was tedious. I had to present a bunch of new products to the owner of the shop, who is nice but intense. She had a lot of questions. I was not my best self. Get me home to bed!”, and “Drew” knows it. I have said this in various places, but when it comes to long-term relationships, the chick’s qualities aside from “hot” and “willing” become important. Seduction advice focuses on the short term, but for longer term relationships a woman’s qualities outside her rack, her backside, and her oral skills gain in importance. The chick in the story doesn’t seem like she has much of anything that contributes to the household apart from her p***y. That’s fine for short-term, but for a lot of guys p***y is, if not a commodity, then available, and character, earning, cooking, etc. are not. Guys look for “full package,” and “Drew” was either bored of her, or looking at a more functional woman, or could be both.

It’s strange to me that more women are not working to move themselves out of the “commodity p***y” and into the “special girl” category. This woman is not doing that, and she’s suffering because of it. Feminism has set up a highly competitive sexual marketplace, and many women have not properly internalized this fact either.

Lesson for guys is simple, don’t be f**king boring, and if you are, a lot of chicks who are on the younger and hotter side of things will next you.

I have some non-mainstream methods of not being boring.

Low-cut top girl: first sex club experience, plus DRAMA

I took Low-cut top girl to a sex club last weekend, and, to spoil the story some, it was an unusual experience because MS. SLAV WAS THERE. She came in after a while, that is. Low-cut top girl and I had finished our first round already, which is good. I’d previously checked with Ms. Slav, and Ms. Slav told me she was going to a private event the same night, so I figured I was all good… Ms. Slav likes to f**k other people but does not seem to like it when I do the same: I think she is struggling for that reason.

So: Low-cut top girl is extremely boring and average in a lot of ways, and therefore I accelerated the usual development path somewhat because I am not sure about keeping her around… we had a long talk about what sex clubs are like, why I like going, etc. I had to lead her through the whole thing… what are the peak experiences in your life… yes, many of them are sexual… so what if you could try to experiment with real peak experiences… you know how boring normal parties are, right?… it’s not that much fun to stand around drinking and making dumb remarks to people… at parties, everyone is thinking about what everyone else looks like naked… etc. She is pretty conventional, not just sexually but in every aspect of her life. Still like her in bed, though.

I spent a couple hours walking through why sex clubs are fun and what happens there. I gave her a book, More Than Two, that she didn’t read because she’s too busy on her phone and social media. I framed this as a fun thing we can try and if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it. This low-stakes framing is useful for ambivalent first-timers.

The night of, I told her to come over about an hour before I actually needed her to come over, which was smart because she was late getting ready. She does clean up nice, though. We got to the club at about the right time, an hour or so before things got started… lots of new faces there, along with some old friends, which made for a good mix. On bad nights there are no attractive people there and the best thing to do is leave. That is not a good introduction but it can happen. I encouraged her to kiss another girl and she did, and they both loved it and were very bashful after. I also got the other couple’s digits, an important point for later.

I like putting on a show and Low-cut top girl has some exhibitionist tendencies, so we were among the first wave to hit the main f**k space. I took loads of time going down on Low-cut top girl and using toys on her before f**king her. Another couple (different than the first) joined us, and the girl caressed and kissed Low-cut top girl, which she liked very much. They wanted to go further but I told them about Low-cut top girl’s first night status, meaning we were going to stick with each other, which they respected. I finished sooner than I would have liked but I was very stimulated and did not hold back well.

Such is the game… we put underwear back on, left to get a drink, and as we were hanging out near the bar and THERE WAS MS. SLAV, coming right towards us, like a monster in a monster movie. We saw each other about the same time. Having had this kind of collision before, I knew that there is no way forward other than brazenly, so I introduced Ms. Slav to my “lover” Low-cut top girl, and I asked Ms. Slav what relationship term she prefers… she picked lover too… so I introduced her to Low-cut top girl like it was very normal. Ms. Slav had some guy and a girl I know with her.

Ms. Slav was obviously angry. Obvious to me, I mean. I asked about the other party and why they didn’t go to it, and some kind of girl drama had made them change plans. I had told Ms. Slav that I might hit the sex club that night… I just didn’t specify who I’d be with. Like most public clubs, it requires men to have dates on some nights, and I would never go to a club on a night that admits unattached single men. Realistically I can go without a date on a couple night, as I’m a known quantity and know how to behave, but I prefer to bring one. We did some more chit-chat, then I said that I didn’t want to stop them.

When I let Ms. Slav and her dates go to the bar, I took Low-cut top girl to another part of the club… I wish the music had been quieter. Low-cut top girl wanted to know all about Ms. Slav and why I hadn’t told her about Ms. Slav… I told her that I hadn’t decided about her yet, and that she hadn’t proven herself to me one way or another. This confused her… angered her… aroused her a little bit. She wanted to know how many other girls I’m seeing, that kind of numbers thing that is not very interesting to people in the scene but very intersting to people outside it.

She seemed to get over her shock and we eventually went back to the main room… Ms. Slav and her dates went to one of the more private rooms, I think. We had sex again. Unfortunately, some guy came over and put his hand on her while we were f**king… and I was like “HEY BUDDY, NOT NOW.” That is a major etiquette breach. After we were done I had to go find the hosts and tell them about it.

On the way back Low-cut top girl was full of questions about Ms. Slav. She was very surprised, I think, by how hot Ms. Slav is… really hot young girls are disruptive to the social order. I think Low-cut top girl knows that she can’t compete on beauty alone. She, in particular, also can’t compete on intellect/achievement, although she thinks she is very samrt. People who think they’re brilliant but are not are very tiresome, but Low-cut top girl and I have (mostly) been f**king and not doing too many other things where I would have to listen to her.

She was still drugged up from the experience, despite us not taking drugs. There is a “slip into a magic world” quality that a good group sex experience has. Despite the Ms. Slav encounter the club was pretty good and had some attractive couples in it, though that isn’t guaranteed, and a bad first experience can turn an unsure girl against the whole environment forever. She even said she was surprised that cool/attractive people were there.

She also said she’d be up for dates with another couple. We’ll see about that one from the club… I may try to hook her up w/ a couple Ms. Slav and I have seen… the girl in that couple is fantastically hot. Guy seems not bad either, and he’s a personal trainer (but not an idiot), while she also works in an aspect of the fitness industry. The first time I f**ked her, she asked after how old I am… I told her to guess… she missed by like ten years… she seemed put off when she found out the answer, but I just said the usual, “Are you having a great experience tonight?” She said yes and I was like, “That’s all that matters.”

Our first club experience could also be the impetus for letting Low-cut top girl go, as she is not a good long-term person for me: she is not as hot as I’d like, and she can be annoying to be around at times. But I am also weak… there is a private event weekend after this one. Depending on what happens, I may try bringing her to that too. If I can get her in the scene, I will not have to field requests for moronic brunches and drinks she wants to go to. I think she wants to show me off, but I am lacking in the time necessary to deal. I also don’t like how much she drinks… I think it compromises her life and her body. Low-cut top girl also told me that she KNEW I am a fuckboy. She was hitting me and laughing at the same time. She seemed not to know her own emotions. Going to a f**k club can be like hitting molly, without the molly.

On Sunday I talked to Ms. Slav… she seemed angry that I hadn’t told her about Low-cut top girl. I told Ms. Slav that she does her own thing, and I also do my own thing. She said I should at least tell her. I told her that she never asked. Which is true. She just about never asks me. I have been seeing her less frequently… does she think I have taken monastic vows? We’ve talked about reciprocity before, and that is something she finally acknowledges she has some problems with. There was no resolution… Ms. Slav is also still dealing with family issues. No real resolution there. “Drift away” could be the resolution.

Monday night, I got a long text from Low-cut top girl saying that she doesn’t want to see me anymore because she is falling for me and knows that I will break her heart. I read this as, “Most of the guys she’s dated are more into her than she is into them, and she can’t believe the opposite is happening.” Because I haven’t immediately fallen for her, she is becoming more enchanted with me. She said that she knew I was too confident because of the way I stopped her on the street. (Originally she said she admired me for the some reason/behavior).

Overall Low-cut top girl’s trajectory is consistent with some other trajectories I have seen in the last ten years… some chicks are up for this and some are not. I’ve speculated that as many as 75% of chicks are up to sex clubs, and I think Low-cut top girl is among them… but seeing Ms. Slav at her first event, and seeing that I have other lovers, is too much for her. She needs a more gradual admission. Most chicks are NOT like Ms. Slav, who just plowed right in.

Despite Low-cut top girl’s proclamation, though, I put her in a group text with the other couple from the club, and we all now have plans to get drinks this weekend. Low-cut top girl and I have not been communicating, except through that group text… so she may cancel, not show up, etc. Chicks are random, as we all know. Then again she might show up. She has kept jumping away from me, only to be reeled back in by my non-reactivity.

There is no cure to human drama… the drama just changes shape, depending on the social structure of the humans involved. I have chosen a different social structure than most people, and it is LOWER drama than most social structures (I think). But I have also refused to commit to a primary partner recently, and that increases the drama level. Ms. Slav is too young. I need to get out of this scene and make my way into something else. My actions don’t match my words, though. I’m doing the things I’m used to doing… it has also been harder for me to connect with the women I’ve been seeing. Peaches, strangely, may be the woman I’ve felt closest to. I didn’t say emotions or feelings have to make sense. That kind of statement is usually an excuse, and maybe it is here, but it is where I am right now.

Apologies if some of this story is poorly organized: I began it Sunday and have been updating it along with events and random thoughts. The free book also doesn’t cover a situation like a collision between two lovers at a sex event, because that is too rare and weird to worry about. 

When girls shift from pure party mode to preferring guys with resources

This is an excerpt from a longer post about the Red Pill and kids, but I observe that a lot of chicks shift from being all about the party and the hottttttest guys to having a more balanced perspective on raw animal attraction versus resources when the chick herself shifts to being financially self-sufficient, paying her own rent and taxes, etc.

Many younger chicks are being subsidized by the state or their parents, so money is just one of these things that someone else is taking care of (usually their dads or some unrelated male being forced at gunpoint to cough up tax dollars for her benefit). Chicks who have funny-money student loans paying their way, or who have parents supporting them one way or another, are just way more into partying, hotttt guys, etc., than chicks who don’t have that safety net. Chicks who really, deeply know how hard it is to pay your own rent, keep yourself afloat, etc. have a different perspective than those who don’t. Especially chicks are have to pay back those student loans that paid for the party.

Some chicks reach the self-sufficient stage at 18 (too early IMO), a few never hit it (trust funds, etc., or just stupid temperament), most hit it from age 21 – 24… when they learn what it’s like to work full time, to be responsible for your own rent, etc. Being self-sufficient can lead a chick’s views on men to  shift. Suddenly, a guy who can pay the rent becomes more attractive than a hottt party guy. A guy who can pay the rent AND who “just gets it”… very valuable and rare. Pure party guys become somewhat less appealing. A guy who is trying to use his material resources and wealth to woo and impress women should know that her age likely affects whether she’ll be somewhat receptive/responsive to that courtship display. A chick for whom money is already being taken care of, likely won’t care. A chick who is very much into having a family will like financial responsibility displays more.

I observe that a lot of chicks want to imagine a path towards a real relationship with the guy they’re f**king casually, and a guy who has some financial stability/job stability is going to make that fantasy easier for her. A guy with no financial resources but who is attractive in some other way (musician, physically hot, student athlete, etc.) will make that a bit harder for her. And this is true on average, not all the time… some young chicks get online to look for providers, and some older women don’t give a f**k and want hott guys. Some older women also get out of a long, intense, sexually boring relationship and want to f**k around for a while. In the current environment guys should shade towards being hot, dangerous, exciting, etc., rather than towards being a material provider, because most women have “enough” money, even if they’d like more. Most women don’t have enough excitement and leadership in their lives, however. I come off as a boring corporate drone in some ways but in others I have cultivated some mystery, surprise, etc., and that serves me well.

The switch many chicks undergo when the subsidies dry up is sort of like how a lot of people in school or enmeshed in academia are “socialists” because they are paying no taxes and are being subsidized by taxpayers, so having someone else pay more into the system seems intensely desirable. When you start paying real money into the system, lower taxes become intensely desirable. The view shifts based on the life circumstances. Most people are terrible at abstract reasoning, so they feel how their current situation is, then devise political or social views based on that situation. When their situation changes, their views change. This is also why so much social/political commentary is uninteresting… it springs from a person’s immediate experience far more than a person’s research and deep understanding.

Lots of young chicks are into sexual freedom but some older women retract their interest in sexual freedom, particularly among the young, because older women cannot compete effectively with young hot chicks. So older women try to shame guys into not f**king young hot chicks, and try to shame young hot chicks into restricting their sexuality. I don’t think this works very well but that doesn’t stop older women from trying it. I am also now old enough to have seen young party girls f**king vigorously and regularly turn into conservative matrons who caution their own daughters about being too free with their favors.

Some number of chicks are also just dysfunctional, moving from eviction to eviction, unable to get along with roommates, precariously housed, never really financially stability, etc. Most normal chicks (and normal people in general) learn that eviction sucks, that it’s important to have enough money to pay the rent, that you will be screwed if you screw over other people, etc. Some chicks, however, never learn this, and in my view they are best avoided. Such chicks also usually have abysmal diet and exercise habits, so they are not hot for very long. They are out there and I have run into some of them. I bring this up because there are exceptions to every principle of human behavior. There are also some relatively conservative chicks who find stability/wealth sexy from a very early age, and who mostly opt out of the hottttt guy mating game.

I have seen many older guys erroneously attempt to impress young hot subsidized chicks with income/jobs/etc. It doesn’t work because those subsidized chicks don’t give a f**k, any more than I give a f**k about status among primitive tribesmen. Everyone knows guys who are doing financially well yet do poorly with women, and everyone knows poor guys who do well with women… that’s a key point in “Radicalizing the Romanceless.” The media obsession with “income inequality” is so poorly received by most people because most guys care much less about income per se than about how income affects their ability to get laid. Women care much less about income per se and much more about competing with other women for status, and about what income says about a man. Men mistakenly think getting rich will wildly improve their sex lives and their romantic lives, and most men who get rich find the money to be a marginal improvement, but for some reason it’s socially acceptable to tell everyone you want to get rich, but it’s not socially acceptable to tell everyone you’re working on your social skills to improve your sex life.

If you as a guy are seeking the youngest and hottest chicks, edge towards being a hott party guy. If you as a guy are seeking to have kids, edge a little bit more towards career/stability. I’m also unusual in that I believe there are only two kinds of relationships with women: a relationship that leads to children and all other kinds of relationships. That belief is part of what led me to group sex, a practice that I’m surprised more players don’t adopt, as it can leverage one chick into multiple hot chicks.