“He is exactly the kind of partner a liberated woman is supposed to want, and yet she despises him for it”

I’ve been saying that women are the truest red pillers… now we see an article by a chick, about books written by chicks, that are as red pill as anything comes… it’s about whether a novel can “capture the contradictions of female desire,” but it’s not hard to understand… one just has to remember that chicks are random and also that many chicks don’t want to be accountable for their decisions. Seriously, the chicks writing the novels and the chick writing the article agree with me, just not in the exact framing I use…

Their behavior mystifies them, and they discover that the selective work of authorship can relieve their confusion: if they choose some moments from their past and discard others, if they arrange these moments in just the right way, they might be able to understand themselves as logical and consistent, free of the messy task of figuring out what they want, and the even messier one of fully accepting these wants.

When guys ask women logical questions about the woman’s behavior and don’t get logical answers, that’s often because the woman herself doesn’t know. “Their behavior mystifies them.” One thing most chicks hate, however, is boredom, as we see here.

Of the intervening years, we have learned that she married and abruptly divorced a kale-loving man, a classmate in her grad-school cohort, whom she describes as “nice” and “ever so understanding.” She is mocking him. He is exactly the kind of partner a liberated woman is supposed to want, and yet she despises him for it.

Nice guys are boring. “Liberated” women want what other women want.

Years after her ur-erotic hotel-room encounter, the narrator finds herself in another hotel room, this time with a man she has picked up in the bar downstairs. Her husband is at home and thinks she is away at a job interview or visiting friends; she can’t remember. Alone with the stranger, the narrator tells him that she wants to be dominated. This time she’s articulating her desire, rather than discovering it through someone else’s, and in the act of articulation she can’t help but come face to face with her own agency. But the fantasy itself is for the opposite: “I hate making choices,” she says.

If she wants it, the husband doesn’t matter, the previous agreements don’t matter… all that matters is the moment. The impressive thing is that she says she wants to be dominated. Most women want guys to intuit that, to just know it. But “I hate making choices…” that’s why smart guys minimize the choices chicks need to make. In the old world, the anthropological hunter-gatherer world and then the agricultural world, chicks didn’t have many choices to make. They married who their families, mostly their fathers and brothers, told them to marry. Now we are surprised that a lot of chicks are unhappy to be introduced into the world of intense mating competition and that many chicks are ambivalent about the choices in front of them. Chicks live in the land of maybe, but most guys are never taught this.

Most guys don’t understand what women want during sex, or how to give it to them…

This contrast—of women raring to assert their agency in one context, then willing, even eager, to relinquish it another—captured my interest in part because of its familiarity. I’d seen it crop up recently in widely praised works both written by and featuring brazen, outspoken, and almost always middle-class white women. It’s in Sally Rooney’s “Conversations with Friends,” when Frances tries unsuccessfully to get Nick—older, married, kind—to choke and hit her during sex. And in Rooney’s “Normal People,” when Marianne discloses to gentle, sensitive Connell, her on-again-off-again boyfriend, that another man has hit her with a belt, choked her—that she asked for it, enjoyed it.

Read from the right perspective, this “feminist” article in a feminist magazine about feminist novels tells us more about real chicks than most of the man-hating feminist writing. There are some dysfunctional women who hate men and some dysfunctional men who hate women, but most of all guys need to learn to understand chicks, and then their behavior becomes clearer. Chicks are often like random-number generators, a fact that explains my interactions with many chicks the interactions so many men have with chicks.

This article is great reading for confused guys.

Women are the truest red pillers.

“The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex”

The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex” is not so startling… the massive success of 50 Shades of Grey demonstrates that women really, really, really, really like rough sex (not all of them, of course, but a whole lot of them). Guys learn to experiment with choking and find that, when done well, the chick enjoys it more and comes harder than she does without it… so the practise spreads… and now it’s mainstream and many chicks are disappointed if they’re not choked during the act. It’s so mainstream that the Atlantic writes about it. It’s more mainstream than dinner dates (most chicks hate dinner dates).

Guys who have read My Secret Garden already know the depths of female fantasy… but most guys just don’t get it, and women flit from guy to guy until they find one who does. To be sure choking can be hazardous and it has to be done deftly, and built up to… but done right, it bonds the chick to you more effectively (like going raw). It’s good to start by playing with her neck a little bit and asking how that feels, then lightly cupping her neck with her hand and seeing her response, and then move up from there. I’m sure lots of teenagers and young dumb guys try to mimic what they see in porn, with bad results that legitimately scare young and inexperienced chicks.

The Internet, amateur porn, game blogs, etc. also let the secret out… that chicks like to be choked. I remember the first time I had a chick put my hand around her throat… before I knew about the game, the forums, the blogs… I was like 23/24, and we were making out against a parked car after drinking at a bar. I was not 100% into her (I can’t recall her name) but didn’t have anything better going on at the time. We were there and then a f**king COP car pulled past us, and I stood back from her (quite a ways). The cop car stopped like half a block away from us and I just talked to her and that sort of thing, wondering WTF I was going to say to the police… but they started driving again after a minute or two. Who knows, maybe the cop(s) didn’t see anything and were stopping for some other reason… if I recall correctly the girl wouldn’t go home with me that night, and it took an outright date to seal it… but she was marginal and I think there was some SMV mismatch, as she was more into me than I was into her. I don’t recall if I was appropriately courteous to her afterwards… probably not, as I had worse manners then.

That chick was bold, but I didn’t have the mental framework necessary to integrate what she was communicating to me. That came later. I was startled when she took my hand and put it around her neck. Although I’d had a decent amount of sexual experience by then, I didn’t have the experiences or network to contextualize what that meant, or that the desire to be choked is common. Today I can’t pinpoint a single moment or experience when I realized women’s love of BDSM. Red Coco has a post about sex skills and I have one coming as well… there’s not much explicit commentary on this subject in the community and there should be more. I theorize that most guys are not actually getting laid much. Also, once a guy masters the toolkit, there’s a limited amount he can elaborate on it, and most of us forget how much we had to learn to get where we are today.

Today, there are also some explicit video websites that also have educational “how-to” videos on this subject. I don’t want to post links to them here as I believe that will hurt search engine rank, but you can find them yourself or contact me privately if you want some links.