Mismatched sexual market value (SMV): Diagnosis and cures

On Twitter there’s a dumb thread about a chick complaining about guys using her for sex and then ditching her, usually after bad sex. That’s an easy diagnosis: she’s almost certainly chasing guys who are +2 or +3 above her in sexual market value (SMV). They’re not going to date her, they’re not going to try in bed, but if she offers herself up one of those guys will go for her. I’ve been in the guy’s position before… my natural hunting ground is 7s: chicks lower than that aren’t of much interest to me, while chicks who are true 8s, are just not that common and are often particular. I’ve been there with 8s, I’ve succeeded, but I don’t see/meet very many of them, let alone bang them. I’m also just some hot chicks’s type, and when that happens I can cruise right into bed.

A few years ago (around the time I started writing on Reddit, or just before that) I tried an app called Kinkd, which advertised itself as being something like Tinder or Feeld for kinky people; as players know, “kinky = easy & sex positive.” Downside, though, is that most openly kinky chicks are not the best looking. Fetlife has the online market pretty covered, but I gave Kinkd a shot and managed to meet two okay chicks, high 6s, without too much work; both were novices and liked that I knew about parties, events, etc. Don’t underestimate social proof in this area, either. Both chicks seemed like they might be 7s, based on their duplicitous pics, but real life reveals all. One was a straightforward once a week lay for a couple weeks, and things ended when she said that “all guys are the same” because I said I liked her but didn’t think we are compatible.

The other chick I did more or less the same thing with, although she was more reluctant to have actual sex. But the first time I saw her, I basically fingered her g-spot into a multi-minute orgasm of some kind (at least, she said it was). It was a strange experience for me and, I think, for her. Did do a lot of bonding in a small space, though, and because my SMV was higher than hers and I also didn’t slut-shame her, she was into me fast. Too fast. They’re the kind of chicks I am now mostly trying to turn down, as marginal notches.

I actually think it’s good for guys to give chicks a good sexual experience, even if the guy decides he’s not that into the chick. It’s not that much extra work, yet many guys don’t bother. Most chicks are also responsive to toys, and something like an njoy pure wand is a good tool for both a chick a guy is into and one he isn’t (just for different reasons).

Female SMV is pretty straightforward for short-term activity and a little more complex over the long term. Male SMV is trickier and more contingent; chicks have a wider array of factors they’re looking at and are just more arbitrary. But if a guy is getting consistent blowouts, his SMV is probably too low. Chicks are also herd animals and will value a guy with a girlfriend, even a low-status one, over a guy without one. Having one makes it easier to get the next. Guys can branch-swing too, although most lack the skill, discipline, game, and inclination to do so.

Most chicks who complain about pump-and-dumps are simply chasing guys too high above them. Chicks with reasonable expectations find what they want. People who have an accurate assessment of their SMV and act accordingly tend to do fine. This is more common among guys but still less common than it should be.

Everyone has the same options: improve their value; improve their game; change their environment. Chicks who are chasing guys +2 or +3 above them… are going to get the kind of outcomes this person is complaining about.

Added: Another story, same basic situation. Almost no mainstream writers are willing to write frankly and honestly about SMV, particularly female SMV. That does a disservice to women, but the market for “You’re perfect, just the way you are” is much larger than the market for “This is how the real world works.”

Game or relationship “levels:” Different for men and women

There are different “levels” of game/relationship skills, each with its distinct but overlapping characteristics.

Meeting/getting laid: This is the stage most game guys live in: for guys, it’s often a struggle just to meet chicks and get laid. Most guys need to up their sex appeal, social skills, fashion, etc. Some guys are also living in bad environments (rural areas, suburbs). Most chicks don’t talk much about this, as it’s not important to height-weight proportionate chicks in their teens, 20s, or 30s. For chicks it’s not hard to get laid, even by guys who are +2 or +3 in sexual market value (SMV). Chicks would do better if they opened more guys, but that’s like telling the average barista they should just move to Silicon Valley and become a programmer to improve their life. The advice will be relevant to like 1/100 people.

Short-term relationships: These are usually easy as the honeymoon effect is strong and for that reason there is not much to say here. Lust and novelty maintains the relationship.

Medium-term relationships: These probably last from two months to two years. I have written a lot about how to manage expectations with these chicks. Guys who want novelty but want to retain chicks find this stage difficult.

Chicks who write about medium-term relationships are almost always writing about how to get this relationship into the long-term relationship. Most dating advice by and for chicks lives in this space and later. Most dating advice by and for guys lives in the meeting- and short-term space. For most chicks, just showing up or logging online is sufficient to get laid. But for most chicks who have decided to invest heavily in a guy, this is one of the hardest stages. Many guys begin to feel the call of the wild again after 100 or 200+ bangs w/ a particular girl. Dating power shifts to guys after sex and in this phase.

Long-term relationships (without kids): I don’t get why most guys would want to be in a very long-term, monogamous relationship with a woman unless there are kids involved, but some guys do this. The big problem for both men and women is boredom. For financially dysfunctional people, the big problem may remain daily living. Not much chick advice lives here.

Long-term relationships with kids: This is another place where lots of dating and life advice exists for both guys and chicks. It’s hard to do successfully. Competing interests are common.

A lot of man advice focuses on stages one and two. A lot of chick advice focuses on stages three and later. Does it seem like men and women are having different conversations around dating, relationships, and sex? That’s because we often are. I wrote “Kids, the player, and the Red Pill: Comprehensive statement” to offer some thinking to guys who are age 30+ and who are doing well in stages one and two. Guys online who do well in stages one and two seem to stop writing, as I will likely do.

Game helps the most at stages one and two. It obviously helps in the later stages, but the big boost is stages one and two. I’ve read players who say that game gets you in the door, but then you have to try living in the house. Once you are regularly tagging a chick, she is going to start to see who you really are, what really drives you, what you do when you’re sexually satiated, what your family constellation is like, etc.

Emotions and Ms. Slav, Low-cut top girl and a weird foursome

Last Friday, after a decent interval since I’d last seen her (er, had sex with her…), Ms. Slav came over and we discussed this, and what else in her life has been going on (a lot), what else has been going in mine (not that much), and the nature of being in different stages of life. The sex was weirdly tender and emotional… I don’t think it was “goodbye sex,” but it may be “de-escalation” sex. She is still learning a lot of things (more on that later). One nice thing about Ms. Slav is that pretty much any time we get together, we have sex, no matter what else is happening. Regular f**king really does smooth over a lot of other issues… if more women understood this and implemented it, the divorce rate would be considerably lower. Just getting on the knees and sucking a couple times a week really does strengthen relationships. Couples therapists need to start assigning blowjob therapy if they are serious about helping people in relationships.

Low-cut top girl DID show up to the foursome, and I was pretty surprised. She dressed in an outfit very similar, or maybe identical, to the one she was wearing the night I met her… only two months ago… feels like a lot longer.

The foursome was pretty straightforward, although early on the woman in the other couple asked a lot of questions about how we know each other and what our relationship is like. I thought I might be headed home alone, as the other couple could tell we don’t know each other well. Many couples prefer to swap with another established, firm couple, as that limits some kinds of jealousy, as well as some mate-poaching behavior. Alcohol and novelty won the day, however, and I split a hotel room with the other guy. Woman was pretty but not too special, late 20s/early 30s, and she and her man had clearly made the full swap decision ahead of time. The other guy wanted to make a sex tape (like me!), but she nixed it. All in the game. I did a really nice job railing her from behind and got into that zone where the sex is pleasurable but not so overwhelming as to make me finish early. The woman also didn’t tighten as much as some women do when they orgasm, so that let me keep going. High-performance nights are always nice.

The other guy had performance troubles, so I gave him a bit of substance to help, and about 45 minutes later he was ready to go. I told him that it’s common to seek certain aids in that situation, as it can be harder to perform in a group among novel participants than among basic one-on-one sex. Plus, just trying to put people at ease when they’re uncomfortable or anxious goes a long way to solving discomfort or anxiety. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it, it happens to everyone sometimes” are all magic words. Sort of like how players know that “It’s okay, you can leave any time you want to” often disarms LMR. I have sometimes stood up when I’m with a girl and moved away from her and said, “The door is right over there. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. You can walk out now or any time.” A little comfort is useful.

Overall a successful evening. Low-cut top girl was annoyed that I wouldn’t let her stay in the hotel. I needed to go home and told her needed to as well. She argued that I had already paid for the hotel, which was true, but I told her that I also needed to go home. I told her that if she wanted to stay she had to give them her credit card, which she wouldn’t do. Bit of an ugly scene. May have cued the other couple to make an independent play for her. I hope they do. Low-cut top girl is absolutely the sort of chick who’d clean out the mini-bar and order $500 in bullshit on my card. Doesn’t speak well of her, now that I read my own description of her. I need to find more compatible chicks. I would actually trust Ms. Slav not to do that kind of shit. She might do it inadvertently, because that’s what she does in expensive hotels.

This week, Low-cut top girl has been sending me a lot of messages (many of them I’m not replying to, in keeping my “once per day at most” texting and Internet distraction philosophy) but refusing to come over… that might be for the best. We’ve been on an accelerated timeline, so maybe from open to ending is going to occur in less time than usual. After our foursome that is surprising, even to me, but that foursome may have been a one-time thing. She samples the food, doesn’t care for it, is glad she tried it, moves on with her life.

Low-cut top girl also wants to know why I don’t take her out to dinner, which, along with music/concerts, has been a historical sore point and push-pull point for me and chicks. I told her to read The Millionaire Next Door (a great book, you should read it). I might give her a copy if I see her again, though she is the kind of girl who is going to yo-yo back and forth or just ghost me when she finds another dude. I have lower financial discipline than I did when I really had no money… I need to quit buying camera gear, which is a vice of mine… but I still have pretty decent financial disipline… and part of that is just not spending money on stupid shit like expensive dinners out. I like a lot of what are now called “fast casual” places… she apparently likes expensive sit-down places? I dunno, I can countenance those at work… I can deal with them rarely… a lot of the time I’d rather just have some falafel or a burrito bowl, plus extra cash in pocket. Real freedom is not having to worry about money.

Most restaurants are also just too damn noisy, and that’s terrible for social bonding or learning.

Mostly, though… it’s the money… and the number of people who are better to talk to, than a book is to be read… well… it’s not as high as I’d like. This girl also liked expensive restaurants, but she was kind of weird in public… she’d be fine in private, one-on-one, but didn’t interact well in public. It was like dating two different chicks, personality-wise. Oddly, that girl wants to get a drink w/ me… I have been meaning to do it.

I tweeted, “Building the mind is a lifelong project.” If you are not reading you are probably not learning as much as you can or should.

Ms. Slav, though… Ms. Slav is also discovering the downside of saying “yes” too much… she is stretched thin. I would phrase it as, she is giving away a lot of value… so everyone is coming out to grab some… and she needs to retract / guard her value a little better. Chicks would never frame something this way… but that is what I see. I told her about my growing discomfort with how I am living, and my desire to do something different. I think she gets it. Although she thinks I can do family AND do the life I have been living… it’s not impossible, just really f**king unlikely. One rule in game is to assume the median girl, at least until proven otherwise. Guys know that it’s POSSIBLE to be standing around at a regular party or whatever, and have some stunning 8 open you and then f**k her later that night. It’s also POSSIBLE for Tinder to work that way. It’s just super unlikely. You want to take high-percentage shots. In today’s NBA, that means threes or right next to the basket. It’s POSSIBLE to win with a lot of long twos… just not likely.

Guys who want to win, try to put themselves in the best position possible to win at whatever their game is. For a guy who wants to be in the game, that means moving to a city and not living in a rural area or an exurb. For a guy who wants a kid (or more kids), how I am living… is not the optimal way to go about that goal.

With Low-cut top girl, I feel like I am experiencing deja vu… she is new to me but is overall close to the typical female. So close that I feel like I’ve already seen everything she says or does. Ms. Slav is the exact opposite.

When you’re not that into the girl after sex

Anastasia asks guys

Guys. You are very attentive and “present” on your way to a notch with a girl. Texting her. Several dates may [have gone by?]

What happens after? No one talks about that[.]

Do you ghost her if you didn’t like her too much? Or u word that? Or u disappear? Or it depends on the girl’s behavior?

I’m not 100% sure what Anastasia means: if a guy drops off on the way to sex, he probably has a better offer or just realizes he’s not that into the girl… it can happen. I think she’s asking, what happens if a guy isn’t into the girl after the sex? After sex, I almost always send a day-after “Pleasure seeing you” text, or something like that. If I’m not that into the woman, I will usually not follow-up much beyond that light chit-chat. I argue that ghosting is bad for the person doing the ghosting and the person being ghosting, but this also seems to be an anomalous position almost no one else takes; people shouldn’t ghost, although me saying so is pretty damn unlikely to change behavior. I find ghosting a little cowardly in most circumstances and sufficiently cowardly acts often harm the person who does them. Ghosting is often “the easy way.”

If the woman likes me a lot and proposes another date, but I am not into her, I will say something like, “I like you a lot but I think we aren’t very compatible.”

If I am into her, I obviously propose the next date. I prefer to propose it in person befor she leaves, whether she leaves that night or the next day. This sets good expectations. Even something like, “I want to see you again. Let’s do Monday night or Wednesday night, come over for dinner” works. On most nights I aim to make dinner, so having her over means dinner + sex.

My sense is that ghosting is very common… I think that is bad for everyone and that basic courtesy is generally lacking in American society. Maybe all societies. There is a courteous way to say no and I prefer to do that when possible. It will usually make the woman feel better and make me feel better.

If a woman is interested in me and I am not interested in her and she asks for genuine feedback about what isn’t working between us I will usually give it to her, but this is quite rare, for hook-ups. Quite rare in general. A woman is falling for me but who I don’t want a relationship with is more likely to do this, though it is still rare. I sense that guys ask women for feedback more often than vice-versa.

Usually the problems between us are 1) She is not into non-monogamy, as I am (have been?), or 2) she wants to move in with me (this one is common), or 3) I am just not that into her, as there is something off with either her body, her mind, or her life. If there is something off with her body I will usually encourage her to quit eating sugar and hit the gym. Almost no chick does this… almost no guy does this either. The route to a better body is incredibly obvious and anyone who wants to do this can do it. “Better” won’t mean “OMG the hottest ever” but better is almost always possible. There are chicks who I will f**k casually with little effort but who are not that great otherwise.

If there is something wrong with her mind, it’s usually ignorance, mental illness, or obsession with social media. She is either f**ked in the head in some way, overly obsessed with me, or just kind of vacant, usually without being super nice to make up for being vacant. I can deal with a nice, fun-to-be-around girl who doesn’t stimulate me mentally. Usually those kinds of girls aren’t that into me, but they can be and have been. They think reading books is kinda weird.

If there is something wrong with her life, she is probably living with her parents, has some kind of drug issue, or has otherwise f**ked herself up somehow. She has no job at an age and station when she should have a job. Guys evaluating women for short-term sex look almost exclusively at looks and health. Guys evaluating women for long-term relationships will usually look at her overall life. I can often f**k girls like this for a while, but I won’t go anything beyond casual.

Usually women with serious life problems, those problems bleed into their dating lives. Not 100%, not all the time, but often enough.

To go back to the ghosting thing, some guys are really into casually f**king as many chicks as possible and they will often just stop caring about the chick the minute she leaves, or the minute he gets off. As I said, I think that’s not great for the guy or the chick, but those guys are out there, looking for sport f**ks.

Lots of chicks are self-conscious and high-anxiety about their bodies, their looks, their sexuality, etc. That’s why I usually reassure a girl that she has a nice pussy and that sex is good (as long as it is). Even if I am not into her, if she is into me, I try to convey that we had a good experience but that I am not a suitable person for her, so she is not waiting by the phone. You can legitimately point out that chicks rarely extend that basic courtesy to guys, and while that is true and bad, I would like to improve the world a little bit. When ghosting comes up in conversation I go on my anti-ghosting rant… doesn’t seem to have changed much… no wonder so much sexuality and sexual interaction is so f**ked up. Many people can’t or won’t do the simple and courteous thing. It is often very easy to make someone else feel good about themselves with a couple of words… just do that thing, when it is appropriate.

After sex, most of the time, the guy has more relationship power (“hand”) than the chick. So try not to get drunk with that power. Before sex, the typical chick has more power. Many chicks abuse that power: I am the first to admit that. But chicks shouldn’t do that. Guys shouldn’t abuse their post-sex power, particularly with a chick who has been otherwise well-behaved. Do not treat the individual as an avatar for the entire group to which she belongs.

Anastasia, I think few guys discuss this topic online because most guys never get to the point where they regularly have to judge chicks post-sex. Most guys struggle to get one chick… so this topic is invisible. While for chicks, the post-sex question is ubiquitous. Chicks are also used to shooting for guys +1 or +2 above them, so chicks are often competing for the same small-ish pool of high-status guys. A lot of guys who are getting the sex they want, are not online debating tactics. They are f**king hot chicks, working out at the gym, swiping online, etc. There is an incredible profusion of basic intro material and interest in that material and very little intermediate or advanced conversation because few guys get to intermediate or advanced. When they do, they quit online or, more rarely, start coaching. I am probably going to quit writing too. I should do one more book about the journey. A sort of Book of Pook focused more non-monogamy than most game texts. Don’t know if I’ll end up bothering to execute it, as the last book was pretty much ready to go and still ended up taking a lot of time. I also perceive that the overwhelming majority of guys are just not in the game and not seriously trying to improve their lives. It’s fine to spectate (I do it), but I really write for the guys who want to make a change. A rare group, it seems.

Two possible paths forward: Hedonistic partying vs children

I realized something else about Ms. Slav: I’m tempted by her because I think that, together, we could do a lot to build up the non-monogamous community and tell a lot of people about non-monogamy; that sounds grandiose, but hear me out. Like I wrote in this other post, you have to be cool / have status first. IMO I have reasonable status and Ms. Slav combines being young and hot with unusual intelligence and a total love of non-monogamy, sex clubs, group sex, etc. So much so that I was a little bit confused when I first brought her into the scene… most chicks need a fair amount of coaxing, coaching, help, etc. Ms. Slav just ran straight in, blew right past me, and is deep in.

Already, some of the non-monogamous dating we’ve done has been intense. Ms. Slav is a true bisexual, it seems, and likes to dominate women… a very powerful combination, since most women are submissive and reactive, so, when two bisexual women get together, they often fizzle because neither one will start things up… chicks are used to guys leading. That is why many bi chicks like couple-to-couple dating. The guys will guide the chicks into the hookup, which the chicks can’t manage on their own. One theme game guys learn is that a lot of chicks have trouble doing things without guidance/motivation/external stimuli… that may be why chicks do well in school and then don’t make it to the very top of workplaces, since top jobs demand autonomy and internal motivation.

Peter Thiel says that groups can get things done that individuals cannot. He is writing about companies. But that is true of other kinds of organizations, groups, and ideas too. We’re experiencing a feminist hellscape because lots of small groups of feminists got together in the 60s and 70s to figure out how they can extract more value from men, and they largely succeeded (their narrative is somewhat different than the one I have just presented, although the results are the same). I think I can do something similar with Ms. Slav… because she is hot, smart, and uninhibited, we could do a LOT of community-building in a way that I have not seen in other chicks.

Most people are only interested in their immediate needs and surroundings. Most guys who start to read the pickup literature, never do anything with it… the ones who begin practicing, most don’t write about it… the ones who write, most give up quickly… the ones who don’t, most don’t write books that might transcend their blogs… the number of guys who go beyond all that, is quite small. And usually they find themselves embedded in a group of some kind. One possible mistake I have made is not writing online sooner, although this might not have been a mistake, as I was focused on work and other matters and correctly anticipated that writing online could be a huge time sink with zero financial payoff. That anticipation has been totally correct. Importantly, though, Ms. Slav and I could built a large non-monogamy scene together, especially using couple-to-couple dating as an intake mode. Religious lunatics know that nothing beats person-to-person pitches… so do salesmen… real change happens one person at a time, ideally face-to-face. I am tempted by doing that kind of messianic zeal with Ms. Slav. I think she would go for it. I think she has the attributes for it.

So I realized that I’m tempted by her not just for the usual reasons, but because she could be a powerful catalyst for showing other people the way. I have helped to host parties before… the two of us together could be a powerful locus for parties. I’m better organized than she is, not surprisingly, but she also LOVES non-monogamy like no other chick I’ve met, even Libido Girl. Or I should say, “Like no other hot chick I’ve met.” There are some desperate fat chicks who are eager to flaunt their sex positivity. Most chicks will not make crude propositions and come-ons to me, at least before first sex… but low chicks, like 5s and below, sometimes will. It is their only potential source of value, so they use it. Not interesting to me, but enough guys must be willing to take the zero-effort lay for it to work. And fat chicks, older chicks, chicks who aren’t very sexy… like attracts like, which I’ve been talking about too, so they typically can’t host good parties. You have to have a core nucleus of sexy chicks and cool guys to make a party work. Take away the sexy chicks, and the whole thing falls apart.

One sexy chick who can attract and retain other sexy chicks, and you have a potential core/nucleus for a larger group. I have seen this thing sort of start before… but the chicks I’ve been with have never had the right combination of personality, IQ, and desire. The typical chick still fundamentally wants a firm, one-on-one relationship with a cool guy, while the other things are secondary to that primary relationship. Very few chicks think bigger than themselves and their immediate surroundings. That’s true of some guys, too, but I’m not dating guys so I don’t give a f**k about that in these circumstances.

So yeah. I think that’s why I’m stuck on this point. I have a pretty clear question, or set of questions to answer… one way is to ease off the non-monogamy, group-sex thing, and work toward having another kid. The other way is to join w/ Ms. Slav and go ALL. THE. WAY. To make the scene really happen. To leverage Feeld and other tools to meet a lot of people and to build a larger community.

If I had met Ms. Slav five years ago I think I would be doing this, or would have done this. Today, though, I feel my desire is not the same, and I am not as interested in building this kind of thing, compared to five years ago. I also recognize that my own desires seem to be shifting.

The trade-off is that doing this with Ms. Slav is not very compatible w/ having another kid. If you are going to comment and tell me how it is compatible w/ kids… please just stop, unless maybe you have had kids of your own… what people believe in theory is so far from what happens in practice, that I don’t want to hear it. Sorry.

Practically every guy on the Internet has some chick who is “not like” the other chicks… Ms. Slav is really not like other chicks. She somewhat knows, I know it.

Chicks find it hard to get someone attractive yet interesting

Was seeing an occasional lover last night, who’s lost her primary partner, and she said that it’s hard to find guys who are who they say they are (via online dating) and that she meets a lot of guys who are either way too forward or way too timid. Apparently I am “just right.”

She is also bisexual and has been interested in dating women, but she says that women are terrible at making plans and showing up. It took a lot of effort me to not say, “Now you know why women don’t make it up the corporate ladder.” I did commiserate and say that she knows how guys feel, which she agreed with. Dating girls sucks even for girls.

Satisfying sex, except for her strict condom rules. I drank a bit more than I should have at the bar. I originally met her at a party, something like 1.5 or 2 years ago, when my date was this chick. I like my occasional lover… she is in the community because she seemingly does not want a real relationship, but based on her comments last night I’m not sure that’s true anymore. She also has a key advantage in that she’s very reliable: if she says no, she means no, and if she says yes, she shows up where and when she promises. That’s a big reason why we’re still seeing each other. We’ve also had some good threesomes and small orgies together.

We may go to a party together tomorrow night, but I’m not as excited about parties as I used to be. Low-cut top girl also wants to get f**ked tomorrow, despite me telling her honestly why I couldn’t see her last weekend and her not liking the reason but being okay with it. I really wish Low-cut top girl were like half a point hotter than she is… she is ALMOST hot enough for me to be excited about, but not quite. If she were just a little more slender or just a little perkier in key areas, I’d be excited about her. I’m going to try and get her to go to the gym with me. Rarely works, but you never know, and in doing so I think I’m conveying to chicks something important about me and who I am.

Kind of tired this weekend. Not much personal game news to report. Ms. Slav still being flakey. Peaches stepped up. I have about as full a plate as I want… maybe more full. Sexual chemistry w/ Peaches and my occasional lover remains strong. Still like f**king Ms. Slav and yet I feel like there’s this thin but noticeable invisible barrier between us, one that if I haven’t breached it yet, I’m just not going to breach it. Tonight I’m looking forward to turning off the Internet and other noise machines to read some books.

Veering into the dark zone of female psychology

From the conclusion of a long dating saga:

She does like to be molested. It’s quite obvious.

Did she want me to push even harder? Did she want me to “take” her virginity. If she didn’t want it at the level of her “fore brain,” did she want it in an animal way… at the level of her “hind brain?”

I think she did. I have met girls like this, who can be can be very dangerous and who are also totally invisible to the modern feminist ethos, like so many truths about male-female polarity. Girls who say one thing, but want another. This is the sort of place even I don’t want to go, online, as it is too incendiary, but I’m drawing attention now because I’ve seen these girls happen, in real life.

It’s a part of the “Women don’t like responsibility or having to make choices” theme that I have written about… many women, maybe most, don’t want to be responsible for their sexual decisions, and some take that fundamental desire to be led further than they should. They emit these “invitations” to go “too far” in a way they are not responsible for. They put themselves into the situation where “it just happens,” while later they will say, probably to themselves too, that they don’t know how it happened. They go to the situation, only to be able to have some psychological ability to deny what happens, afterwards.

I have touched a little bit on these thoughts, and they are why  why I don’t believe a lot of the stories women tell me, and I believe even less about the stories in the media. Usually there is complicity. Unacknowledged, of course. Chicks often don’t understand their own psychologies… they can’t… it’s part of their evolved strategy.

This chick sounds like she is complicit and does not wish to take responsibility for what she does. She wants you to, and you alone. But that is very dangerous, probably unwise, in a foreign country, where you don’t know the justice system, where you don’t know that much about her family situations, etc., unless I missed part of the story (it is a very long story… in my view, Nash does too much texting, although I believe that it didn’t matter in this case).

If you read books of women’s sexual fantasies, like Nancy Friday’s collections, you will find fantasies that are illegal, that include illegal elements. If you read romance novels, you will often find the same. In romance novels, the heroine is often “taken” and taken superficially “against her will…” but by a high-status, attractive man who will then pledge himself to her. That is an interesting element in porn made for and by women, an element that almost no one in mainstream culture talks about.

I do not advocate any of the ideas or strategies I am skirting here. I don’t want to go here. It’s too dark, especially for readers who are in a “cold” state.

Nash thinks my reading of the girl is wrong: “I don’t happen to think this is it. I believe that concept is true… but she wasn’t looking for ‘deniability,’ she was turned on me pushing her boundaries. That is a different phenomenon.” He further says

I want to be careful that I don’t miss parts of this that are about me not being willing to pull the trigger… but with her, I think she was actually so young, she wasn’t quite ready. I believe that really was the first time she’d been in that position. I saw when she was genuinely close to fear. Not because I wasn’t being cool… but because it was so new.

And she was adjusting fast. Like her reaction to my cock the first time was close to panic. 2nd time, nervous avoidance. 3rd time… she was fascinated. That is a sexual learning curve.

He was there and I wasn’t. But I know and have encountered the types of girls I describe, even if this girl isn’t one. There is one other guy in the comments pushing in the dark direction I mention.