What the thinking escort is thinking

From a funny tweet, “I’m not doing onlyfans because I need to I’m doing it because I’m slutty and I like money.” It got me thinking, past what I’ve written before… there’s probably some truth to that woman’s rationale… the good/psychologically sound strippers/escorts I know, or have known, get in the business because they like f**king a lot anyway and often like doing it with strangers. They’re like, “I could make a million bucks doing this part time, and I’m already doing it anyway.” Clients are usually older than the average guy they’d hook up with on their own, but some aren’t, and some are pretty decent in bed. A sex worker is really an amateur psychologist who also f**ks… her job is to figure out what the client really wants (often not what he says at first) and deliver it. A lot of regular consultants do this too, but bring a different skillset to the table.

I have probably met more girls who are sex positive and highly sexed, and mentally unblocked about it, than the average man has, because those girls often find their way into the sex-positive community and into sex clubs and sex club culture (sometimes clients bring them as dates). For a lot of these girls, they want to f**k a lot anyway, aren’t very interested in monogamy, are open to experience, and like sex adventures. If a woman likes those things anyway… she might as well get paid for them… like a guy who likes programming computers on his own time will also discover a robust market, and be pleased that he can get paid for stuff he’s doing anyway.

These chicks aren’t super common, and for the most part they aren’t completely flaunting who they are. Very few chicks, even sex positive ones, will announce they’re into sex work, or that sex work turns them on.

They can do math…. let’s take a woman who works as as sex worker from age 20 – 30 and she is hot and decently good at business. She charges say $500/hour and $2000/night in a big city. She works one night a week, and for the sake of simplicity we’re going to count each month as consisting of 28 days, so she gets a few extra nights off. She gets two one-hour sessions and two overnights a month, on average, so that’s $1,000 and $4,000 a month, or $5,000/month, or $60,000/year. Times ten years, that’s $600,000. She might also pick up some tips and some fringe benefits, but she also has to pay for fancy lingerie/clothes/etc. Some costs involved. She’s not quite made a million dollars in the four times/month scenario but if she’s enterprising and willing to work a bit more, she can get to that million pre-tax dollars.

Few normal men want to date sex workers (I bet you would never have believed that…). There’s some sex-worker talk out there about how sex work isn’t real sex and doesn’t count… we can safely discount that hamstering because of course to most normal men it “counts.” If she’s out f**king for money, then to balance the reciprocity equation, he needs to have his piece of the open relationship… and sex clubs are a way of achieving that. So sex workers who are highly sexed to begin with, will often also seek guys who are already versed in open relationships.

The majority of sex workers probably come from stereotypical f**ked up families, desperation, poverty, etc., and they realize that sex worker is more lucrative than other kinds of work, but it takes an emotional and spiritual toll that leads a lot of women to drugs, if they’re not starting from there. All professions have a culture associated with them and sex work, like music or anesthesiology, has a drug culture associated with it. So there’s a lot to be said for the messed-up stereotype, but I don’t think the sex work makes the woman messed up so much as she arrives at it already messed up.

Mostly I’ve been describing the psychology of the mentally healthier sex workers… the less mentally healthy ones are really dark, and often not very bright… bright women realize that sex work is a time-limited activity… and it’s hard to do well… scamming men is especially dangerous.

Obviously this is not very relevant right now, since I bet sex work is pretty dead, because of the risk and the unemployment rate (among clients). In a bad economy, hiring sex workers is one of the first things to go… and other girls flood the market simultaneously, although I’m not sure that’s happening right now. But… what’s happening cannot go on forever, so it won’t. I don’t think it can even go on a year.

Guys have to be pretty determined to want to hire an escort. Chicks have to be pretty determined to take the risk. A lot of the kinds of chicks in their 20s who would form the bulk of the industry are living with family right now, if they can. The ones who aren’t, aren’t paying their bills, cause evictions have been halted in a lot of places. But we’re going to have to re-start the economy sometime… within two years we should have a vaccine… some fundamentals will remain.

Escorts can improve the rest of your game

Many challenged the idea that escorts, hired effectively, can improve your interactions with other women:

The occasional escort improves my game because it shows me what women will do and because it means I have zero scarcity whatsoever. If I want sex I pay for it and have it within 24 hours. Women can tell when a man is getting sex and when he isn’t. Hiring escorts can, odd as this may appear, improve your game, if they are hired correctly.

Women can sense a desperate guy and a guy who other women won’t sleep with. I don’t know how and I don’t understand the precise mechanism, but they can. They can also sense confidence, and learning to be confident and to project a sexually successful image is vital. Paying for it, done correctly, can aid that.

The more you use a skill or interact in certain ways with certain expectations, the more you improve that skill or reinforce that interaction. The more you interact with women and expect sex to be the conclusion of those interactions, the better off you are (provided that you can gracefully accept rejection).

Paying for it is obviously different than getting it through unpaid, normal channels. But if you’re a normal person you’re still talking to someone before, during, and after. You’re still paying attention to what someone likes instead. Building those experiences is almost always good. Always be trying to learn and always be learning. While hiring an escort is about pleasure, it should also be about learning, like everything you do.

I don’t advocate sleeping exclusively with escorts or becoming addicted to paid sex. Addiction of any kind is a weakness.

It is true that paid sex in the United States is never as quick and easy as guys would like. It takes time to build a rep, go through the vetting process, learn the ropes, learn to sense bullshit, and develop relationships with escorts and madams. There is no such thing as a free lunch, even in paid sex.

Hiring an escort is like hiring any other service provider

Some guys keep pursuing women because of their egos and because of what getting women says about them; I think Krauser talks about this in one of his books. If that’s the underlying bio-psychic drive, good for you and you can stop reading right now because you won’t give a shit about what follows. For me it’s about the sex and sometimes that means paying for it is faster, better, and more pleasant than the alternatives.

I’ve heard guys claim that paid sex is bad, or the women may be physically hot but emotional shit, or that it’s more gratifying to win the lay than to pay for it. Fair statements for some guys. True of some guys and conceivably even most guys. For me it’s all about the pleasure of the sex and the woman’s hot body and the physical sensations and the incredible feel of her when I enter and when I finish. The ego or conquest part is small for me in this domain, so for me money is a reasonable shortcut to sex.

The worst paid sex can be as bad as some online guys claim it is. The girl can be not as described or fucked up on drugs or bad in bed or clearly indifferent or any number of other things. This will not surprise you, but a decent number of sex workers are messed up and broken people with messed up and broken values. “A decent number” is not “all,” however, and great sex workers can be… great.

I’m not going to write about how to hire sex workers because you can read about that from now to forever online. Instead I’m going to write about getting the most out of the experience and how to think about the experience. Despite my materialist leanings, it’s obvious that some level of connection is a key component of sex.

Escorts are actually like hiring any other service provider. The person using the service and the person selling it need to connect on some level, even if that connection is mediated by money. This is true of personal trainers, yoga instructors, nannies or babysitters, and even high school teachers or university professors. Students in school eventually realize that it’s more the teacher than the subject because great teachers strive to connect with the students in their classrooms. Bad teachers don’t.

Escorts are the same way. The very best escorts do feel a connection with their clients. Is that connection “fake?” Sometimes. But it doesn’t matter and if she can fake it convincingly, good for her. Any kind of personal service worker who is good learns how to connect with his or her clients. The best trainers I’ve worked with are good not only because they know body mechanics and when to push and when to relax, but because they can connect with their clients.

I don’t want to over-emphasize the connection. Sex is different than the squat. It does have the obvious physical component, and some women are clearly not physically or mentally made for sex work. For every one of those, though, there are also women who love sex and who orgasm easily. They can make very good escorts if they don’t see so many clients that they move into numbness. Like with any kind of sex, if you leave space and time for the woman to enjoy it and get into it, she’s more likely to have a good time and so are you.

I don’t recommend escorts for all guys. Like so many other things, escorts work best for guys who already have strong masculine fundamentals. Escorts are still women and women respond to some guys with strong masculine fundamentals. Escorts who sense weak losers will usually respond in kind. This is tough for hobbyists who have money but lack fundamentals and find their experiences with escorts are bad. Not as bad as their experiences with normal women, but not good.

One basic rule of the game is that you cannot beat the sexual marketplace. Not consistently. You can get the rare fluke and I’ve seen guys score via flukes. Social dynamics are more like games of chance than they are like fluid dynamics or some other highly model-able field. Even paying for sex does not let you truly beat the market. Yes, you will get your dick in a live woman, but she will still respond to your weakness. Having good social skills and a good body relative to your age will set you apart when it comes to hiring sex workers. I have some game weaknesses but my gym and diet routines are strong. So are my interpersonal skills.

Probably everyone thinks their social skills are above average but even with that caveat I think mine really are and I have a good combination of sexualizing encounters and gauging where a woman is on the intellectual curve and pitching to that area. Braindead bimbos will want to talk about astrology and sex gossip because that’s where their mind is. Smarter women will want some smarter talk and somewhat higher levels of abstraction and meaning in some sex talk some of the time. I can do both and learning to pitch at the client’s level is an important skill in business and life. Fail to calibrate your pitch and you will go too high (if you can) or too low (if you get outsmarted). And I have run into a couple of hot women who are much smarter than me. It’s painful but unless you are an extraordinary expert in your field and an autodidact it will happen to you.

Some guys say that you have to have a spiritual or psychological or emotional connection with a girl to have great sex and physical chemistry to her. I think the causation is reversed: great sex and physical chemistry create and deepen the spiritual, psychological, and emotional connections. Reasonable guys can disagree about this but in my experience the physical comes first, the other stuff comes second. Have great physical moves and the head stuff follows. Have weak physical moves and the girl will be thinking about whether the hot guy at her work has a nice dick.

You may read this and wonder about why you would need some game to get the best experience with escorts. The short answer is that women still know when a guy is strong but caring and when he is weak and shriveled. If you are the former women will know it. If you are the latter they will know it too. Your being will make the connection that facilitates great sex stronger or weaker.

In some rare cases it’s also possible to evolve the escort-john experience into a FWB experience. This is rare and you shouldn’t count on it, but it isn’t impossible and if you’re the guy of guy to whom this sort of thing appeals you will only be in position to take advantage of it if you have strong frame and okay game to start with. Guys who are open to the world’s possibilities will find things that guys who are closed to the world’s possibilities do not.

Don’t hire escorts if you don’t have a lot of money relative to the average 18 – 25 year old escort. I can spend $200 – $300 periodically without sweating it. My material needs are low and always have been. That was a contentious issue in my early, brutal long term relationship: she always wanted more car, more house, more clothes, more more more, and I didn’t, and that is part of what led to us breaking up, and her then really having a lot less until she intelligently speared an older guy with a lot of money. I think I’ve written about this dynamic in other posts, and maybe someday I will write more and more explicitly about it. For now I will say that what they say is true: the experiences buy more happiness than objects.

I see many guys spending tens or hundreds of thousands of wasted dollars on their girlfriends and wives and I think, “Fool.” He could do so much more with that money. If you’re in a good job making good money, you may be misallocating resources. The occasional escort improves my game because it shows me what women will do and because it means I have zero scarcity whatsoever. If I want sex I pay for it and have it within 24 hours. Women can tell when a man is getting sex and when he isn’t. Hiring escorts can, odd as this may appear, improve your game, if they are hired correctly.

In Red Pill writing, too many guys are binary thinkers who divide the world into black and white. Most of the world is shades of gray and that includes the paid-sex world. Guys who enter that world and us it as a crutch will find that it weakens them. Guys who enter that world and use it to augment and supplement what they already have may find bliss and strength. It is neither good nor evil; it is in how you use it.

See also: “How to use Seeking Arrangements for fun and profit.” As with so many things, having strong masculine polarity is key (that doesn’t mean being bossy or a jerk or many other things people routinely misunderstand it to mean), and if you don’t have it, you likely won’t have so good a time.