Emotions and Ms. Slav, Low-cut top girl and a weird foursome

Last Friday, after a decent interval since I’d last seen her (er, had sex with her…), Ms. Slav came over and we discussed this, and what else in her life has been going on (a lot), what else has been going in mine (not that much), and the nature of being in different stages of life. The sex was weirdly tender and emotional… I don’t think it was “goodbye sex,” but it may be “de-escalation” sex. She is still learning a lot of things (more on that later). One nice thing about Ms. Slav is that pretty much any time we get together, we have sex, no matter what else is happening. Regular f**king really does smooth over a lot of other issues… if more women understood this and implemented it, the divorce rate would be considerably lower. Just getting on the knees and sucking a couple times a week really does strengthen relationships. Couples therapists need to start assigning blowjob therapy if they are serious about helping people in relationships.

Low-cut top girl DID show up to the foursome, and I was pretty surprised. She dressed in an outfit very similar, or maybe identical, to the one she was wearing the night I met her… only two months ago… feels like a lot longer.

The foursome was pretty straightforward, although early on the woman in the other couple asked a lot of questions about how we know each other and what our relationship is like. I thought I might be headed home alone, as the other couple could tell we don’t know each other well. Many couples prefer to swap with another established, firm couple, as that limits some kinds of jealousy, as well as some mate-poaching behavior. Alcohol and novelty won the day, however, and I split a hotel room with the other guy. Woman was pretty but not too special, late 20s/early 30s, and she and her man had clearly made the full swap decision ahead of time. The other guy wanted to make a sex tape (like me!), but she nixed it. All in the game. I did a really nice job railing her from behind and got into that zone where the sex is pleasurable but not so overwhelming as to make me finish early. The woman also didn’t tighten as much as some women do when they orgasm, so that let me keep going. High-performance nights are always nice.

The other guy had performance troubles, so I gave him a bit of substance to help, and about 45 minutes later he was ready to go. I told him that it’s common to seek certain aids in that situation, as it can be harder to perform in a group among novel participants than among basic one-on-one sex. Plus, just trying to put people at ease when they’re uncomfortable or anxious goes a long way to solving discomfort or anxiety. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it, it happens to everyone sometimes” are all magic words. Sort of like how players know that “It’s okay, you can leave any time you want to” often disarms LMR. I have sometimes stood up when I’m with a girl and moved away from her and said, “The door is right over there. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. You can walk out now or any time.” A little comfort is useful.

Overall a successful evening. Low-cut top girl was annoyed that I wouldn’t let her stay in the hotel. I needed to go home and told her needed to as well. She argued that I had already paid for the hotel, which was true, but I told her that I also needed to go home. I told her that if she wanted to stay she had to give them her credit card, which she wouldn’t do. Bit of an ugly scene. May have cued the other couple to make an independent play for her. I hope they do. Low-cut top girl is absolutely the sort of chick who’d clean out the mini-bar and order $500 in bullshit on my card. Doesn’t speak well of her, now that I read my own description of her. I need to find more compatible chicks. I would actually trust Ms. Slav not to do that kind of shit. She might do it inadvertently, because that’s what she does in expensive hotels.

This week, Low-cut top girl has been sending me a lot of messages (many of them I’m not replying to, in keeping my “once per day at most” texting and Internet distraction philosophy) but refusing to come over… that might be for the best. We’ve been on an accelerated timeline, so maybe from open to ending is going to occur in less time than usual. After our foursome that is surprising, even to me, but that foursome may have been a one-time thing. She samples the food, doesn’t care for it, is glad she tried it, moves on with her life.

Low-cut top girl also wants to know why I don’t take her out to dinner, which, along with music/concerts, has been a historical sore point and push-pull point for me and chicks. I told her to read The Millionaire Next Door (a great book, you should read it). I might give her a copy if I see her again, though she is the kind of girl who is going to yo-yo back and forth or just ghost me when she finds another dude. I have lower financial discipline than I did when I really had no money… I need to quit buying camera gear, which is a vice of mine… but I still have pretty decent financial disipline… and part of that is just not spending money on stupid shit like expensive dinners out. I like a lot of what are now called “fast casual” places… she apparently likes expensive sit-down places? I dunno, I can countenance those at work… I can deal with them rarely… a lot of the time I’d rather just have some falafel or a burrito bowl, plus extra cash in pocket. Real freedom is not having to worry about money.

Most restaurants are also just too damn noisy, and that’s terrible for social bonding or learning.

Mostly, though… it’s the money… and the number of people who are better to talk to, than a book is to be read… well… it’s not as high as I’d like. This girl also liked expensive restaurants, but she was kind of weird in public… she’d be fine in private, one-on-one, but didn’t interact well in public. It was like dating two different chicks, personality-wise. Oddly, that girl wants to get a drink w/ me… I have been meaning to do it.

I tweeted, “Building the mind is a lifelong project.” If you are not reading you are probably not learning as much as you can or should.

Ms. Slav, though… Ms. Slav is also discovering the downside of saying “yes” too much… she is stretched thin. I would phrase it as, she is giving away a lot of value… so everyone is coming out to grab some… and she needs to retract / guard her value a little better. Chicks would never frame something this way… but that is what I see. I told her about my growing discomfort with how I am living, and my desire to do something different. I think she gets it. Although she thinks I can do family AND do the life I have been living… it’s not impossible, just really f**king unlikely. One rule in game is to assume the median girl, at least until proven otherwise. Guys know that it’s POSSIBLE to be standing around at a regular party or whatever, and have some stunning 8 open you and then f**k her later that night. It’s also POSSIBLE for Tinder to work that way. It’s just super unlikely. You want to take high-percentage shots. In today’s NBA, that means threes or right next to the basket. It’s POSSIBLE to win with a lot of long twos… just not likely.

Guys who want to win, try to put themselves in the best position possible to win at whatever their game is. For a guy who wants to be in the game, that means moving to a city and not living in a rural area or an exurb. For a guy who wants a kid (or more kids), how I am living… is not the optimal way to go about that goal.

With Low-cut top girl, I feel like I am experiencing deja vu… she is new to me but is overall close to the typical female. So close that I feel like I’ve already seen everything she says or does. Ms. Slav is the exact opposite.

Home Friend is stepping up? [FR]

I have been seeing less of Ms. Slav lately, and (a little) more of the girl I named “Home Friend.” Ms. Slav seems to be intensely dating one or two women… which is great and all that, but not of interest to me. One of the women is in the scene and is just not that attractive or appealing to me; I’ve known her for years and always found her a little off, but Ms. Slav seems enchanted by her. She’s not terrible looking, probably a high 6, but I don’t get that kick from her. Ms. Slav seems to be a true bisexual, which is not very common. And she’s having some family issues, etc. Amazing how family issues seem to crop up AFTER a couple weeks of flakiness… they never seem to precede the flakiness.

Back to the point, I got an out-of-the-blue message from Home Friend last week, and I arranged for her to come around last Sunday afternoon for some extremely intense, pleasurable sex. So far Home Friend and I have barely seen each other, except for pure sex dates. Did some drinks a while ago, before the threesomes, and then she shifted into texting me when she’s horny. I’ve tried to up-shift her into showing up more often but failed. Home Friend also seems to know that I’m trying to fit her in among other chicks (Ms. Slav, Peaches, kind of Low-cut top girl (although she is not as hot as I’d like), one or two occasionals). Home Friend seems to want a boyfriend, but a boyfriend on her terms, which she is not getting. She is also somewhat shy and reserved, so I think the only guys she’s getting are the ones who have the self-regard to pursue her vigorously. If they’re pursuing her vigorously, they’re probably pursuing other girls vigorously, too. Smart girls who want boyfriends/relationships learn to make the first move, as that can allow them to acquire guys who might be more loyal than the guys brave enough to chase them down and spear them.

I digress, so last Sunday she re-appeared, we f**ked, I had a blast. I’m seeing more chicks, of the wrong sort, than I would like, so there is that… but “make hay while the sun is shining,” etc. I also don’t have access-on-command to super young hot chicks, so when one happens along I try to prioritize her, as I did for a while w/ Ms. Slav. A guy never knows when his last really young hot chick will happen… it is conceivable that Ms. Slav and Home Friend are my last in their age brackets.

So that was last week. Home Friend came around on Saturday night… I need to write about last week and then Saturday. Last week she said I was “cold.” I’ve heard variants on that idea before, so it’s probably true… I laughed and told her that it takes a special kind of girl to really warm me up and open me up. A good response, I thought. I believe Home Friend is seeking a boyfriend and not finding one. She can find guys she doesn’t like and she can find guys who will use her casual sex, but she can’t combine the two.

Saturday night was cozier. I told her that I want to bring her and Ms. Slav together to a sex party. Home Friend seems to be just a little interested, but not enough for me to push it. Ms. Slav has talked to her quite a bit about group sex, and Home Friend isn’t going for it. That is okay with me. Not all girls go for it. Home Friend might be more amenable in a couple years, when she has more experience. She’s also away from home and does not have Ms. Slav’s boldness. Or, it seems, Ms. Slav’s IQ. Home Friend is a lot more normal, except for the way she is hanging out with outliers like Ms. Slav and me.

Home Friend also switched out her IUD, as she had a Mirena IUD that is smaller and narrower but slowly releases hormones, and now she has a Paragard IUD that is pure copper. It means she has heavier periods but also a stronger sex drive. That might mean I see more of her. Though it might be better for me to see less of her. It is hard to choose to do the things I need to do, when a girl like Home Friend is happy to be bent over by me.

With Home Friend, the trade off for her IUD seems to be heavier/worse periods but a return to her more natural sex cycle, so when she’s ovulating she is off-the-charts horny, as seemed to happen last week. Many chicks with libido problems experience libido problems due to drugs (anti-depressants, etc.) or due to their birth control. For that reason it’s important to encourage chicks, especially young and dumb chicks, to adjust their BC if the first one they try doesn’t work for them.

This is also why you never know what you’re going to get when you approach chicks. You may approach a chick who is feeling fat and bloated from PMS or her period. She is not interested in men at that moment. You may approach a girl who is ovulating and receptive. The same girl may be receptive one day and totally closed off two weeks later, based on nothing in your control. That’s also why men need to be non-reactive to female emotional outbursts… chicks have intense feelings that many chicks are bad at controlling. If you put two combustible, emotional people together, they tend to explode and break up.

Home Friend has not been much willing to make advance plans. Probably because she is playing the field. She may also just be spacey. I think she’s just using me for some light casual sex, although she seems to come quite hard and be pretty into me when we’re together. She might also be holding back because she can sense me holding back.

This story might be a little disjointed because I’ve been writing it like one paragraph at a time, since last Sunday or Monday. Something or other keeps coming up.

Low-cut top girl asks if I am a “fuckboy”

Got a text the day after our last session from Low-cut top girl saying, “Hey, I have to ask you this are you a fuckboy?” For context, I had sent her my typical “Good seeing you yesterday” text, and she replied saying she had a great time, then a couple hours later she sent that text. I laughed out loud when I read it and decided to ignore it for about 24 hours, in keeping with typical texting practice that focuses on logistics and retaining my own ability to concentrate.

I replied to her “I don’t know what that means.” In the same text, I invited her over, offering dates and times (covering logistics). She resisted at first saying that it’s important for her to know, and I said I’m not a big texting person and that we can talk in person. She agreed. In person I can gently probe what she means. I pretty much know… and that’s okay. I think I’m going to talk more about being sex positive and invite her to a club. I have lost chicks at points like this… while the seduction community is full of good responses to accusations of being a player, in reality girls who are mentally healthy and want a significant, one-on-one relationship are not going to hang around very long with a guy who isn’t going to give it to her.

You can increase the probability of retaining her with a good response, and I have a bunch, but you cannot guarantee it. I may be too indifferent with this one… I have a lot going on at the moment, more than I really want/need, so that makes it easy to be blasé, which is another word for “abundance mentality.” It’s also interesting that girls like the term “fuckboy” more than “player” now. I think.

This kind of conversation has gone both ways for me. I can tell Low-cut top girl is extremely interested because of how much she texts me, and she seems bothered that I don’t reply immediately most of the time. Attention is the only tool men have and I gave her a copy of Deep Work. She seemed to think that being given a book is weird. She seems to be continually thrown off balance by me. She also seems super basic, and to have had her one big relationship with a super basic guy. I still wish she were just a little bit hotter. She seems like a bad candidate for anything long term, as she is one of these girls who fancies herself as very intelligent when she is in fact not, and she seems to have had limited exposure to really intelligent people. It’s okay to not be that bright and understand that… it is bad to think you’re up there and not be. Being basic / average and owning that is fine… being basic / average and pretending you’re not, can be kind of annoying. I don’t say anything about that directly to her, as there’s no need, but I can feel it, and I think she can feel it. She has not read enough to know anything and hasn’t had nearly as much life experience as she thinks, so she is guided by her feelings and by random, anecdotal evidence, and mistakes that for wisdom. Not a super common set of characteristics, but I have seen it before.

The younger the girl, in my experience, the more desperately she wants rapid text replies, and the stranger she finds my texting habits. That’s okay with me, as I want to set frame appropriately and not be beholden to a flighty chick’s random notions and urges.

This post sounds more negative than it should. Low-cut top girl is mostly pleasant to be around and she obeys me sexually. I find her more entertaining than not, but I also know that girls who are entertaining because of their ignorance can become annoying for the same reason later. I feel like most of her challenges I have already seen from other girls, almost like she is just a Markov chain automated text generator spitting out typical female nonsense. Overall I am enjoying the sex with her, so I should probably shut up and enjoy the ride.

How do you avoid the Markov chain text generator feel? Learn a lot and try your best to think for yourself. Most chicks, unfortunately, do neither. Ms. Slav, does both pretty well, and that is part of the reason she is more interesting to be around than most chicks. Most guys don’t do this very well either… they select conversation topics from the fields SPORTS, WORK, or VIDEO GAMES. Or FAMILY, if they have one. Then they are surprised when chicks find them boring, or when other guys find them boring.

Overall, Low-cut top girl’s question at this stage is likely a form of comfort test, a subject that doesn’t get much play online because I think most guys never reach this stage.

“Low-cut top girl,” opening off an IOI on the way to the gym [FR]

Friday night, relatively late, I’m jogging to the gym and catch a MASSIVE IOI off this chick as she is crossing the street perpendicular to me. I have a strange thought, as I imagine the game guys I read and what they would do… and the thought makes me I realize I have to open. My mood is pretty good too, so I stop to say she must be going to a party. She’s in a very low-cut top and figure-hugging camel-colored bottoms, from what I can see, but the time between eye lock and me chatting her up I don’t see much of her body because I’m concentrating on other matters. Out eye contact barely breaks. She says yes, she is, and I speculate about the difference between good parties and obligatory parties that you feel like you have to go to. We continue in this vein a bit; I’m wearing a necklace from Goldmund’s Masculine Accessories (some cheaper alternatives here), which she asks me about. So she’s not too daft to reciprocate. Some chicks, even if they basically like you, will be incoherent during the stop, because the situation is so foreign to them. This one is a bit more put together, or she’s going to a party so she’s in socializing mode. We chat a bit about a perfect party and I tell her I have a date with the gym. We talk about the gym for a minute. I get out my notebook and tell her to put her name and number in it.

She’s surprised by the notebook thing, so we talk about that a bit, and I tell her about leaving my phone at home as that is a better way to experience the world (also something true… the younger the chick, the less they get this idea, except for Ms. Slav… the higher IQ, more self-aware chicks often understand this and have a love-hate relationship with their smartphones).

Saturday morning I text Low-cut top girl, asking if her night led to all the things she could have possibly wanted, and she replied saying it was okay and asking about mine. I said that quality time spent with my mistress the squat rack is always a lovely evening (not strictly speaking true, due to injury, but I would like it to be true), and I probe for the rest of her weekend plans. She says she is planning to be a cat lady that night, and asks what I’m doing. I tell her (truthfully) that I’m going to a party, without elaborating. She says that sounds like lots of fun… is she seeking an invitation? I think so, but I tell her we should get a drink Sunday night, early, as I have work in the morning. She agrees and I set my usual first date venue. I text her a pic of a cat and say that I know it’s a little early to be sending pussy pics, but she’s a cat lady so I just can’t resist. She sends laughing emojis and sends me one of “her pussy” (cat) in return. The comment is probably more forward than I should be so early in the interaction, at least by optimal game standards, but I kind of don’t give a f**k.

Saturday night, Ms. Slav and I go to the party… we cause a scene (she causes a scene) in the best way possible, as we set the tone of the evening fairly early. Then she dominates, then f**ks, another girl after our first hour-long adventure. Fairly late at the party, Stephanie shows up, and we have a bit of a threesome… more more realistically, Ms. Slav and I take turns on Stephanie, who is unfortunately not excited to go down on other chicks. Ms. Slav seems disappointed/annoyed that I finish (in a condom) in Stephanie, but what can I say, I want to spread the love. She said she has no jealousy… but she hasn’t told me that lately, so I wonder if she just doesn’t experience jealousy in the way normal people do, but the right set of circumstances can still trigger jealousy in her. She wanted to stay extremely late and I wanted to go home after the recovery period with me, Ms. Slav, and Stephanie, and I told Ms. Slav she is welcome to stay, but she decides to come back with me.

Sunday I get up pretty early and see Ms. Slav off. In the afternoon I text Low cut top girl that I hope she enjoyed being a cat lady and that I’ll see her in a few hours; she confirms and asks me about the party, but I say we can talk in person.

In person, she is not wearing the same shirt as I expected/hoped for, as she’s quite a bit more demure (bad sign), but her clothes hug her body. I did a good job not staring at her chest on the street, and I’m kind of wondering whether she actually has a nice body or not… she might, but I was focused enough on eye contact and conversation that I couldn’t really tell. I have had girls go both ways, when getting naked… where I suddenly realize that girl is hiding an incredible body under her clothes, and other times when I realize a girl is hiding a… not incredible body. Varies so much by girl that I’ve learned to distrust my own predictions.

We talk about technology and how I think social media is pretty worthless, while she defends it (typical girl), but not too much. She is a vegetarian, and I don’t share that I have a theory that vegetarian girls are more sexually active and adventurous than regular girls. Probably just me generalizing from too small a sample size. She also has an unusual and more-interesting-than-expected job. I ask questions about her dreams / fantasies / etc. Hold hands and look in each other’s eyes for 60 seconds. The usual. It’s flowing well, and she happily agrees to drink #2 at bar #2.

Between bars I playfully push her against a wall and kiss her passionately. She responds, and I let her go before she is done. She is a bit confused, I think, that I’ve ended it so quickly. Kissing on the street is something of a secret society no-no, as it opens the girl up to slut-shaming… but it’s a move I like to pull anyway.

Conversation is stilted for the rest of the walk to bar #2, I think because she wasn’t expecting the kiss and hasn’t recovered from it well. At the bar we recover some. It feels very on. She’s quite eager to know my age and I tell her to guess… her guess is comically low. She pushes and I tell her ages, weights, and heights are very private information, just between me and Facebook and the CIA. Maybe too evasive. She tells me she’s gotten out of a five-year relationship recently and is trying to recover herself. I don’t engage too much with this beyond telling her I understand (undrestand what? Fuck if I know… fortunately, she doesn’t ask, like most girls don’t).

I invite her back for a drink and she goes for it. More chitchat about our lives. We go back to mine and she prowls around like a cat for a while. She spends a long time in the bathroom, doing whatever it is chicks do in there, so I figure it’s good to go. She comes out and wants to sit across from me but I pat the couch and tell her I can hear her better over near me. A little bit of kissing resistance at first, until I find the sweet spots on her neck, which make her gasp and moan and took away the resistance. She says she’s getting over her period (fine, whatever… maybe she wasn’t going out for sex Friday night after all?), and I tell her that’s okay, we can find things to do. She is amenable. I leave for the bathroom and take a small amount of man drug: after being drained by Ms. Slav and Stephanie, I’m not sure I can perform adequately. Actually, I don’t think I can, but I would rather keep the momentum going forward with Low-cut top girl than let it die out, and that is just what I am doing.

More making out, then to the bedroom. When I get her naked, her best bits flop down more than I’d like, and I drop her from a curvy high 7 to a high 6 / low 7. With a butt that big I have to smack it, and she loves it. I wonder when the girl was last f**ked properly because she is way more responsive than I deserve. I use my fingers inside her and direct her fingers to her clit, letting her get off for the first time. Very tiny amount of blood on my fingers. She goes down on me, and then I put on a condom and manage to f**k her.

She kept praising my body and telling me how hot I am… I’m not that hot, though I do lift and avoid sugar. Unfortunately, injury keeps limiting me from reaching the places I’d like to go in the gym. Zero sugar, gym, yoga, bike for transit… those things do add up. As usual, with a new chick for the first time I don’t last as long as I’d like, but it seems good. I use my fingers on her and she comes another time.

In the aftermath, she asks me about the baby wipes in the bathroom… I ask if she appreciated that they’re there… she said yes and wanted to know how I often I do this… I tell her I’m a courteous person (that may even be true). I probably let too much time pass, with the deep kissing and light chatting, but I feel totally drained, sexually.

Second time through, we’re kissing… leads to rubbing… as I’m getting hard, I “innocently” slip inside, though she knows what’s going on… this gets me totally going. Highly satisfying session. Before you comment, yes, I know it’s a stupid thing to do, and I do it anyway. She again tells me I’m hot, and I spit out, “Was your ex a fatass or something?” She says yes!

That’s a kind of high-risk question, because it’ll turn some chicks off… this one didn’t seem to mind. I bend her over, grab her hair, and direct one hand to her clit (why are chicks too dumb to do this automatically) and pound her thoroughly… a few minutes in, and I’m rather congratulating myself on a job well done. It’s quite hard for me to finish, as I’m tired from round one and the night before, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but with great effort and concentration, I manage. She’s flushed, practically gasping for air, and we snuggle for a while after. I ask her when she knew she was going to f**k me, and she said in the first bar she was thinking about it.

During and right after sex, chicks, and likely guys too, although I don’t know about that so much, will say the most honest shit, the shit they will censor out the rest of the time.

She said she thought it was so cool that I stopped her to chat her up on Friday and that non-creepy guys never do that. I ask her about what a creepy guy is and she couldn’t really say, but I think she was trying to get at guys who are near-homeless, or ghetto/lower-class seeming. I tell her that most men don’t know how to be men anymore and that it’s sad (a conversation topic I learned from all you guys on Twitter and in blogs, so thanks for that, as it’s a good one post-sex). She agrees. More chitchat, I invite her to stay over but she has to wake up early. I drink a ton of water and take ibuprofen, knowing that I’ve likely dehydrated myself from drink and general exertion. I don’t get the sense of overall accomplishment that I used to, though… I think my mind is whispering, “Get ouf of the game,” but my body/dick is whispering, “Not yet… not yet…”

I have been wondering, am I scared to leave the game? Do I want to do that, but lack the courage to execute that decision? Typically, the wannabe and novice player regards fear and courage around opening chicks, escalating chicks, willingness to leave bad chicks, etc. I wonder if I am experiencing a different, (atypical) form of cowardice, in that I want to exit but don’t want to give up the systems and practices I have been building so long. It’s a weird thought, and one that just popped into my head yesterday. It now seems very lodged there. I was so surprised by it that I wrote it down, though I did not need to, as it has been uncomfortably in my mind since.

Let me get back on track: I’m supposed to see Ms. Slav again on Tuesday, so I’m going to try and have Low-cut top girl for Wednesday. I need more of a break, but, momentum. I’m flogging myself forward. Maybe I will flake on Ms. Slav, and push her to Thursday or Friday. Friday probably won’t work for me, though.

The big learning from this is just “Be alert.” This was a “head is up” opportunity and I wasn’t really thinking about meeting women… but I didn’t want to leave behind an IOI so big from an attractive woman. The other day I was getting coffee with a guy in the game (hi!) and he said I got a massive IOI from a chick. I was like, “Were there any attractive chicks there?” Mentally I was like, “Did I miss one?” He said no but that he noticed it anyway. With this girl, it was just right girl, right place, right time.

I have also done some approaches like this one that go badly, or the girl has a boyfriend or whatever… pretty easy sex is not a typical outcome. But I don’t usually post about basic rejections because there is nothing to be learned from them, apart from the fact that they happen.

Chicks like Low-cut top girl are also why my cold-approach pickup skills aren’t that great… I get good enough results from the occasional randoms, like this one, as well as ecosystems and other sources, that I don’t feel much need to get properly good.

Good thing I am working from home today, as I feel like I need the time to recover. I’m going to lose Peaches if I don’t manage to get more space in the rotation for her.

What is it Nash likes to say? Viva game.

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around and pour attention into the chick without getting sex in return. If a guy is too needy and available, he will at best put himself in the friend zone and at worst turn her off altogether. This is why guys are told to work on volume and move to big cities… the best way to be suitably unavailable is to have other chicks you’re pursuing, so no single chick takes up too much of your mental time and attention. You need not play many games if you are genuinely a busy guy.

Two stories about this. A couple years ago, there is a chick I met through friends who was genuinely busy starting her own business and doing some other stuff… the attraction was there but the logistics were complicated. I stayed in loose contact with her, and, although there were lots of reasons we couldn’t meet at various points, she was consistently polite and responsive. She even apologized for sounding like a bitch. I didn’t get upset with her or anything like that… but I also kept texting fairly minimal.

It took something like three months of occasional contact to get her out (each time I quit texting, she would ping me again), and when I did we had like one or two drinks and then sex all night. She claimed she hadn’t had sex in a long time due to whatever else she had going on. Could be a lie, could be the truth, I don’t know and didn’t really care. It doesn’t matter much. For a while we were meeting, usually about once a week or so, to f**k and talk about business.

There is another girl, just like this one, who I met via the non-monogamy scene, and almost exactly the same thing has been playing out (except I already f**ked her at a party that I was w/ Ms. Slav… she had a boyfriend at the time, who did not do real well at the party… he did not have appropriate drugs with him, and I think she was more sexual than him in general). I am genuinely busy w/ Ms. Slav, among others, and she is learning some complex skills… she is texting consistently and is pretty direct w/ her schedule, limitations, etc., and a couple times worked for her but have not worked for me. I told her that I understand and have an intense job, other commitments, have been in her position, etc., and she seems to appreciate it.

To be sure this one might go nowhere… but investment so far has been pretty minimal on my end. But she seems fairly low bullshit, and what she says could be true. I’m primarily sticking to logistics… and she is responsive… so the investment is low and the payoff is reasonably high.

Some chicks play games, but others may authentically have a lot going on in their lives. Time sorts out who is who.

With logistics, I also like consolidating almost all texting into one or two shots per day. This allows me to focus on other projects the rest of the time. I notice more and more that younger colleagues have trouble concentrating and spend 3x as long as they should on a given task. I have been handing out copies of Deep Work, to explain to them what they need to do. It is scary easy to let hours and days ago by and not realize what you’ve been doing that whole time. Maybe this is also why so few game writers age 20 – 30 seem to exist (where are you???)… too busy drowning in social media?

Surprised by indifference. Guys can flake too.

Flaked out on Ms. Slav again this weekend. I think she’s surprised by indifference and by the speed with which replacement happens, or has happened to her; we talked on the phone and danced around the subject. She’s used to being chased, so when a guy doesn’t chase her, she’s uncertain. I’m pretty sure she expected the “primary partner” conversation to go differently than it did, as she’s used to tooling guys. But I have written quite a bit about reciprocity and I really mean what I wrote: she became less regular and flakier, and I’ve done the same, in about the same proportion, with her… I’m highly sensitized to female bad behavior. Even small amounts of it trigger defense mechanisms in me, defense mechanisms I’ve learned the hard way. Like the way I’ve learned that “Attention is the only tool modern men have,” which is probably the most important thing I’ve written, and the one it seems many guys have the hardest time implementing. Another way of using attention properly is to follow tit-for-tat after the first couple lays. This strategy is not as good for the very beginning parts of a relationship, when the guy typically has to do more work.

Previously, regarding Ms. Slav, I wrote that I’m unaccustomed to being in the inferior part of the relationship, and I think she is the same. She’s used to being chased. She’s used to having guys adapt their schedules to her, as I used to, and don’t anymore. She has many stories of boys and even men chasing her, desiring her, giving her (sometimes expensive) gifts, prostrating themselves before her, begging attention from her, etc. Guys who get a taste of her puss and fall in love with her. She’s used to saying, “See yah!” and hitting the road. Now she’s encountering all of that in me. Such is the power of even modest game, or, more likely, experience. I have f**ked hot chicks before, I have seen almost every manner of female bad behavior, and I know how to reply to it. I know Ms. Slav can be replaced. She knows that I know, and I know she knows I know, although I don’t thinks she would use the words I’m using.

Indifference is more shocking to her, I think, than love or hate. Being relinquished or released does not happen to her often. But I am not fond of being the #2 or #3 choice. I, however, am used to chicks experiencing sudden temperature swings, and me being dropped by them. Chicks and secret society guys can go colder faster than normal people.

Readers can probably infer that the consensual non-monogamy and sex party world have some problems of the traditionally monogamous world, just transformed but not wholly eliminated. Many adventure stories see the hero transmitted into a dark “mirror world” that is similar to but different from the normal, daylight world. Non-monogamy works similarly.

I still like Ms. Slav more than not, but she has been focused on school and is much more heavily into the scene than even I am. In my view she says, “Yes” too much. To almost all invitations. To guys on Facebook.

I wrote a variant of this previously, but some of you are probably thinking that if I’d just managed Ms. Slav better, she would still be firmly in my orbit. That is possible, but doubtful. She has greater interest in this world than even me.

She is also willing (semi-willing?) to let pictures of her be used for social media purposes. I’m not sure she’s tracking what’s happening closely, or as closely as she should be. But the number of super hot chicks in the world is small, and the number in the scene is small. The number who are willing to be photographed is smaller still. This may come back to bite Ms. Slav… or it may not. She may fully “come out” in a way that most participants are reluctant to. If it weren’t for peculiar aspects of my own life setup, I might be willing to come out. Men are more willing, on average than women. Especially single men.

Ms. Slav is popular as a photograph target because almost everyone understands basic principles of consumer advertising. How do you sell to a man? Tell him this product will bring him hot chicks. To a woman? This product will make her one. Ms. Slav could not be a professional model, but she is willing to be undressed and trussed up in front of the camera.

Ms. Slav will be at home for a few weeks, and it would not surprise me if she’s had enough of me by the time she gets back. It’s rare for casual relationships to survive the “primary partner” or “be my boyfriend” talk if the outcome is not positive. But Ms. Slav has been exceptional in many ways, which is why I’ve been writing so much about her. Long-time readers will remember “Bike Girl,” who is (was) a more normal relationship than Ms. Slav. Bike Girl was into me and very much wanted to develop our relationship. Most chicks want one or at most two primary relationships. Very few go all the way into Ms. Slav territory, f**king seemingly everyone. Some. I’ve f**ked some of those girls. The girl I cut loose a while ago is like that. We got coffee the other day; I still like her. She lacks diet discipline and that is showing, even at her age. I looked through some of the sex tapes we made, and I can see the difference happening from the first to the last. Remarkable. It’s also weird to see that I wrote that post about her in July… it seems like last month.

I emphasize how rare Ms. Slav is in the preceding paragraph because I think some guys will think her behavior is common, when in fact it’s not. Because it’s so uncommon, it makes a good story. I’ve written far more about Ms. Slav than I did about Bike Girl because Bike Girl was pretty normal and Ms. Slav is not.

People doing consensual non-monogamy successfully often have quite orderly, regular lives apart from the sex clubs. Most lives can only tolerate so much disorder before they collapse or spiral out of control. To be totally debauched in one area, one must be very stable and responsible in others. Most people in the community are employed and have a reasonable financial base, too; it’s hard to explore alternate relationship styles if you can’t pay rent first.

If I have the opportunity, I might go a couple weeks or month without chicks, as a kind of psychological or physical challenge. Some of the regulars may drop off. But that depends on Peaches’s scheduled.

Does anyone else reading this, and in the game, like Stoic philosophy? I’m not religious, but there is a slightly religious impulse behind my interest.

Ms. Slav party night

I went to a party with Ms. Slav on Saturday night, and Ms. Slav was on good behavior. Or she was genuinely interested in hooking up with this chick, which she did for a long time, with me participating for a lot of it. Regardless of motives, things went well. Ms. Slav was more solicitous than she has been. She was a little tired herself, and I was a lot tired… the “tired” came from Home Friend the night before, but I didn’t share that with Ms. Slav. Ms. Slav was also a bit more subdued, and she let herself be led more easily.

Later on, we left and got some food, and then went back to my place. I was ready to crash, but Ms. Slav wanted to chat. She asked me to be her primary partner. And I froze… and then punted… I have seen less of her in the last month than I would like. I asked what makes her ask now, and I told her that I’d been thinking about this exact issue. She said that I’m willing to let her be free and that I’m more reliable than anyone else she’s met. Fuuuuccccckkkkkkk… “reliable” is synonymous with “boring” in girl-speak. Particularly young-girl-speak. Ms. Slav could tell I wasn’t happy with that description, although I tried to hide my initial response, and I didn’t quite want to tell her that “reliable” means “boring,” but I was dancing around that idea some.

We had a long talk about reciprocity and how, from my perspective, she’d been out f**king everyone under the sun… and she said that I would never have met Peaches if not for her (true), and that I should have “checked” with her first. I explained that I hear what she’s saying, but that, again from my perspective, she seems to be splitting hairs.

This is the girl who doesn’t experience jealousy and who opposes drama. Like I said in an earlier post, push hard enough and we’re all hypocrites in some way. Ms. Slav isn’t ready to acknowledge her hypocrisy. I don’t think she can even see it. I think she’s too deep in her own worldview to perceive it. She stuck to her story.

I debated telling her about Home Friend on Friday. I know she won’t like me f**king Home Friend. I know she won’t like finding out that I f**ked Home Friend later. But Ms. Slav is going back to her home country for a couple weeks shortly, and I don’t know what will happen when she returns. I don’t know what I want to happen. The last couple months have been so debauched, like I wonder if this is a kind of last hurrah for this part of my life. But I’ve built up all these skills and connections… there is a part of me that thinks it would almost be a waste to stop now.

I’ve written about this previously, but for a long time my mind was congruent: I love f**king, I like group sex, let’s just do as much as I can, as often as I can, while still maintaining my other duties and responsibilities. Now I’m more ambivalent, more divided, and less sure of what the focus of my life should be. I don’t think it’s an accident that I began writing online around the time I began feeling ambivalent. When my mind was united, I felt less need to share or explain. And my job soaked up pretty much every spare moment and thought. Now my role has changed and I have more time, but maybe more time isn’t so good for me after all. I have been blessed with many extraordinary experiences and opportunities. I will never be one of those people who looks back at their sex life and thinks, “I wish I had had the courage to try this, this, and this.” I have tried it all. For the good, sometimes for the less good. I have learned much. Some of that I am passing on. I wonder who will do what I do, in the next generation. The non-monogamy culture is out there. Players who combine it with game can achieve extraordinary things, as most guys in the scene lack game, and most guys who have decent game do not know about the scene, it seems.

With Ms. Slav, I left the “primary partner” discussion tabled. I think she may leave, and lose interest (time away is deadening for any woman, but especially a fizzy young girl), and by the time she comes back the problem will have solved itself. Ms. Slav thinks we fit well together because I have been superficially less judgmental of her behavior than others have. In reality, I know that chastising girls is largely useless. I know that Ms. Slav is the sort of girl who is going to have to discover principles of reciprocity the hard way. I’m enjoying the ride… I’m not in it for the long term.

Sunday morning she spent a long time going down on me. We went out for coffee. She went home, I went back to my place for a nap. In the afternoon I began writing this pair of posts. I need to get myself back to a more normal, rhythmic schedule. This weekend has been crazy.