Ms. Slav story

I met this girl in a semi-warm atmosphere, and I met her because she was reading a book that I recognized: I asked her about the book, then showed her what I was reading, and when she seemed genuinely interested I asked if she wanted company for a minute (I had an errand elsewhere—a handy time constraint). In the land of Internet seduction everything is about “assuming the sale” and “asking forgiveness, not permission,” but in real life I don’t think it’s a good idea to be menacingly close to a sitting chick one has just met. Better to check with a simple, “I’ve got two minutes, mind if I sit down?” She was down and we chatted for a bit and I got her number. She’s got an accent and is from Central Europe, which is unusual, though her English is near flawless. She said no to a drink over text but did get a coffee, and at the coffee she admitted that she “kind of” had a boyfriend. She is also 18 (!), though I figured her for early 20s. We have some people in common, and that helped.

(If you’re a novice guy and want more detail on approach, see this.)

She drifted off at the time but did show up to a couple of events I was putting on. Then she went home in late May but said she’d text me when she got back. Around that time I was wrapped up in other matters and chicks, so I didn’t think much of her, as she seemed improbable. I was probably too intellectual with her, though she seemed to respond to that side of me.

On Tuesday Ms. Slav texted me to say that she’s back in town. Wednesday morning I proposed an adventure on Thursday. She said yes, and we met near a bar I chose. She was completely cool with it and maybe not surprised by the destination. I ordered us drinks at the bar and we talked books. One is about psychedelics, a topic that should interest many of you. I know people who’ve dropped acid and taken mushrooms, but this book felt like it scrambled my brain, because I didn’t know how amazing psychedelics can be.

I do know, however, that it’s not a bad idea to indirectly bring up drugs and sex, just to see what kind of girl one is dealing with. This one, it turns out, was lightly involved in some aspect of drug dealing in the city where she went to boarding school. F**k: that means she’s sex-positive and likely to want to get to it. We had lots of talk about drugs and their ability to help a person achieve their best self. The talk has a hippie-ish tinge, which is fine by me.

She also says, later, she lost her virginity at 13 to a guy who was 18. If her stories are remotely true, she’s had more experience at age 18 than most people have had by age 25. I can see that most guys her age would be unable to handle her. She’s too mature-seeming and experienced.

Ms. Slav said she has a fake ID and told me about her and psychedelics, which are, it turns out, her favorite kind of drug.

Needless to say, she checks all the “yes” boxes. We make out a little in the bar and I take her back. I slip a performance-enhancing drug, because I’m not sure how I feel after the Wednesday adventure. She’s wearing nice underwear, so she’s been thinking about what would happen. With Ms. Slav it’s good, but somehow I’m not 100% in the game. Maybe the desire was not hot enough in me: On Wednesday night I had a long, intense session with an occasional partner, so I was not at my physical peak.

She stayed over, and the next round in the morning was also good, but Ms. Slav says she’s not on birth control and doesn’t have an IUD, so finishing through the condom was tough. Maybe tough psychologically as well as physically. Good news is that the session lasted a long time, and Ms. Slav seemed to like the way I (man)handled her. She left, and then left town for the weekend and is supposed to come home pretty late tonight. I’m suposed to see her tonight or tomorrow night. I’d gauge 50-50 odds for it happening.

Friday I was worthless at work, and when I got home I took a very late nap, then went to the gym. Saturday I did some of the work I should have done Friday. Today I have a few free minutes.

Oddly, though she’s probably more attractive, Ms. Slav didn’t generate the huge, ridiculous boost and intense obsession that the 20-year-old did. Maybe because I’d been totally drained by the bedroom adventures of Wednesday night? Or maybe because I couldn’t totally hit it raw? Whatever the reason I am NOT complaining (if a guy complains about getting with a young hot girl half his age… just hit him in the face, like he deserves). I am *noting* it, however. The chemistry that makes one girl pop like a hit of MDMA while another is merely very good is mysterious. With this girl, texting discipline is easy, while with the 20-year-old I was besotted.

It’s an amazing world when like a week separates a single mom hitting on me and tagging a young lithe firm-breasted chick. Apart from the initial open, I think she picked me more than I picked her. I’m guessing too that she needed to see some social superiority/skills and some intellectual acuity. I never met the “boyfriend” but did see a few pics on her Facebook, so I’m guessing he was real, but with chicks… you never really know. No mention of him at drinks on Thursday. I didn’t ask and she didn’t tell.

If it weren’t for reading the stories of other players on the Internet, I think I’d still be under some serious misapprehensions about chicks. But when I see that other guys are experiencing some of the same things I am, it strengthens some of my hunches and lets me put together the strange pieces of the female psyche. Other guys’s stories also tell me that if they can tag young chicks, I can sometimes do it too. Which means you, the guy reading this, might also be able to do it.

Ms. Slav also let me make an AMAZING sex tape. I just looked at it for the first time. Holy hell, that girl is tiny and hot. Great at sex, great sounds, great body. I wonder if I’ll see her tonight or tomorrow, when I’m properly rested. Until today, I feel like I’ve barely had a spare moment to savor the experience and think about her. Contact with her over the weekend has been good, and she messages me far more than I message her. She reads as essentially less flakey the the 20-year-old. She also reads as a budding libidinous intellectual, or sex-driven intellectual. Usually the smartest girls are not sexy and the sexiest girls are not smart. This one seems to combine both.

It was nice to get her out… I’ve probably had 25 – 30 rejections / blowouts from randoms in recent months (correction: maybe longer than that, as I don’t keep careful track, so they’ve been spread over a pretty long time). I’ve not written about those because they’re not interesting and there’s nothing to say about them: I don’t write about everything that happens to me regarding game or women—I just choose the things that might be of more general interest. Suddenly running into this yes-girl, or girl whose unusual boxes I happen to check, is very nice.

I think I’m just picking up sexually open chicks who really like older dudes. That, or I just spin the wheel enough to get the occasional hit.

One more time

Did manage to see the twenty-year-old again last night. She’s been difficult to get out but great when she’s actually out. I keep thinking that she’s playing games, but when she does show up she doesn’t shit test.

I got to thinking about things I read online, when guys construct these epic stories about frame and getting around girl bullshit and girl psychology and so on. Those stories are sometimes very good. Sometimes, though, girls are just genuinely busy, or sick, or have things going on in their lives.

The twenty-year-old may be playing games, or she may have someone else she’s pursuing, or she may be busy, sick, or have an extensive social life. Or all four. But sometimes girls tell the truth and aren’t playing games, so a guy’s effort to decode what she’s “really” doing is futile, because there is no code.

That point may not be profound, but I have been guilty of over-thinking. I think about my own life. Often, I’m just doing things. The twenty-year-old has also been apparently willing to meet at times when I haven’t been able to. She doesn’t initiate meetings, but in my experience many chicks don’t or won’t.

(I’m deliberately omitting a few details that make my point make more sense.)

I feel like if I posted this little story about the twenty-year-old to forums, the participants would get on me about being “too beta” or her “not being that into me” or the other things guys on forums say. Sometimes those things are true. Sometimes, they’re not.

She’s difficult enough to get out that I’m basically giving up on her, or more realistically just pinging her when it’s extremely convenient to me. It’s somewhat unusual for me to see a chick so responsive texting but not meeting. And my texting is pretty disciplined and focused on meetings. Usually chicks either ghost or progress. Being kind of in-between is unusual for me. Most chicks are pretty keen for the second shot, so this one is weird for me.

I wrote two weeks ago that

I’ve felt the overwhelming urge to over-contact her. I know intellectually that to give into that urge is a mistake (the same urge I felt with the girl in the last third of this post). Any time I start to think about her, and the crush brewing, I have to stop myself and ask the key question, “Will you sending her something right now raise your chances or lower them?”

That urge is gone now; I’ve lost momentum. I don’t even have to do texting discipline. The intense desire to be close to her is not really there. I just don’t send her much beyond “let’s get together” or “you missed out on doing this thing we talked about.”

Don’t get me wrong, being with her is still nice. But that intense feelings rush has been harmed by her behavior.

Slept with a twenty-year-old last night:

I slept with a twenty-year-old last night, and the amount of “game” required was minimal. She was a friend/roommate of an intern (more or less) I’ve kept in touch with, and I met the friend about a year ago while out for drinks. She has a nose ring and is sort of artistic seeming; at the time we first met I mixed some light sex talk and innuendos into the conversation, but logistics were against me and more importantly I didn’t want to vigorously hit on a girl who is connected to work, however tangentially. The attraction was there, however, primarily through eye contact. If you haven’t yet discovered the virtues of very strong eye contact, you should. And if you know of any game guides to eye contact, please post them, because I don’t have any at my fingertips.

It’s hard to describe the game when the game is mostly sub-verbal, as this one is. I was affecting something like smooth-older-Don-Draper guy, which seemed appropriate to the situation and age gap. Last year we exchanged contact info and we’ve chatted just a bit here and there. Less is more in the long game, as you are a busy man, right? I thought about whether I should sexualize those conversations but decided not to. She is in town for the summer, and like a lot of young girls she’s very flighty. She also has a bunch of minor health problems. I wasn’t sure we’d actually meet up, but last night she came out, three drinks at two bars, then to a hotel for sex, which is I think a new experience for her. No LMR, however, and she felt fantastic.

It also seems that no younger women enforce condom usage rules anymore. Bike Girl had a good body but this girl was spectacular naked, much more so than I expected. No chest at all, but everything else about her worked beautifully for me. I have a great pic of her looking over her shoulder at me; she’s obviously topless in the pic but it is more artistic than the pornographic style that usually appeals to me. When I first got into photography I just wanted typical guy stuff, with her naked and showing it all, but I’ve learned that one or two good, girl-friendly pics can make the girl much more into you. If she’s not spreading herself, it’s art, right? Seems to be the girl thinking.

In this 12 April post I was mopey about women and game, but when a solid seven, maybe low eight, much younger woman comes along, it is easy to get excited again. This one also has a relatively straightforward expiration date, assuming it goes further. I’m not sure it will, as she’s a girl who only has “guy friends” (red flag) and who is very sexual. She seems to have an unusually lengthy relationship history for a girl of her age. This weekend one of those “guy friends” is in town to celebrate something to do with school. I wasn’t quite invited along and wasn’t quite not invited along, which is fine because I don’t think it’s a good game move to get enmeshed with a dozen flighty college students. Optics are all wrong and I’d rather imply I have Friday / Saturday plans already.

Interestingly, last night she said that guys her age don’t really hit on her (I don’t believe it, but she said it). She is also a pretend model of some sort. Her n-count is pretty high for her age, I think. She started to ask me how many women I’ve been with, then stopped and said she didn’t want the question turned back on her. I said that I never ask, which is true, and things moved on.

She slept with her brother’s dirtbag 20-year-old friend when she was 15. I’m by far the oldest guy she’s slept with, and her guess as to my age was way off. I knocked a few years off my actual age. Unfortunately I was not the best, sexually speaking, as some combination of alcohol and first-time nerves inhibited performance, but I did some cunnilingus things she seems to have enjoyed and not to have experienced. I think I was “good enough,” but not as good as I really need to be.

In other game news, a friend from the sex club circuit hooked me up with her early 30s friend who recently got out of a long-term relationship and was looking for fun over the course of a long-weekend. Saw the picture in advance and we had some pretty easy fun. I attempted a threesome with her and Bike Girl, who has relapsed a bit, but it turns out this woman is not as experimental as she implied or I would hope. She says she doesn’t like sex clubs or BDSM but that she likes listening to her friend’s stories.

I’m not actively seeking new leads, but a lot of older efforts keep paying dividends. Just being flirtatious and temperately aggressive when I see an opening has gone well. I’ve internalized a lot of the behaviors to the point that they’ve become, if not an automatic reflex, then at least heavily ingrained.

I also went to a friend’s wedding recently and attempted to play the two attractive, single women off each other in order to sleep with at least one but utterly failed. It’s been a while since I’ve done any online dating and thinking about my life in the last year or two I see much of the problem with online dating: people with a lot going on who can calibrate socially often find enough opportunities offline that they don’t need to go online.

The chick from this story says she does a lot of online dating and that makes sense to me because she’s hot but also kinda fucked up and dead behind the eyes. I’m not totally knocking online dating and unless I die within the year I will likely do it again at some point. I have though been thinking about the selection bias effects that affect the pool there.

Warning about falling into the girl’s frame

I had an educational experience with Bike Girl and one of her friends, who was complaining about the way five of her ex-boyfriends had cheated on her. At first I was quiet and Bike Girl was commiserating with the friend. Finally the friend wanted my view, and I asked the common question, What do all five of those guys have in common?

The obvious answer is, Her. She picked all of them. She’s also a pretty girl so she can pick from a wide range of guys.

Most likely, a girl with a long history of “cheating” exes is more desperate than usual for attention from very high value guys. Those guys have lots of options, which they are only too happy to exercise. The girl eventually finds out and then whines to her girlfriends about how guys are scum, totally ignoring her own role in picking guys who are oriented towards sleeping with lots of women.

I didn’t put it exactly like that, which is too RP, and when the friend began to fight back, I backed off some and said that it’s her life and she should live it however she wants. That is something I do believe, just like I believe most people lived in a world so heavily wrapped in illusion that they can’t discern the outer light.

There was no way I was going to enter this girl’s frame about how men are cheating scum. It is true that most men feel the need to sleep with as many women as possible, but it’s also true that anyone who consistently gets together with consistent, bold cheaters is somewhat complicit in the cheating. Five times means there is something inside the friend, not in the five exes.

After, Bike Girl asked what I thought, and I told her the truth: I think her friend is a fool and is old enough to know something of herself, men, and dating. That she doesn’t, speaks to who she is, mentally and psychologically. In an inexperienced girl of 21 or 22 such ignorance would be reasonable. In a chick older than 25, one who should have the reading and experience to know better, it becomes appalling, or a sign of intellectual deficit or inability to face the interior self.

Most interesting is Bike Girl’s reaction, which was respect for knowledge. Being able to know things and to distribute knowledge in a way that’s not off-putting is a hard balance. Given some of our experiences I also think Bike Girl knows a lot about my dim views on monogamy. I haven’t told her everything in my past and never will, but she gets the main point.

I am not a master PUA but I’m not a beta supplicant either, and I think Bike Girl’s friend wasn’t expecting someone to disagree with her girlish nonsense. Yet disagreeing, amiably yet directly, also I think increased Bike Girl’s attraction to me. So did being able to imply her friend is dumb and misguided without being crude enough to say so.

One of my favorite books is Being Wrong. Read it! And know too that if you are not reading books you are likely much dumber than you would be if you did read regularly. This is a harsh thing to say, but it’s also important and true. Almost all the really smart people I know are heavy readers. You don’t have to be a heavy reader to get the girl, but if you want access to smarter girls and you want the ability to maintain a mental connection in a relationship, get reading and talk about what you’re reading.

[FR] Met by accident on a bike

This morning I was riding and came to a tricky section, and a girl was slowing down in front of me. I told her to take lead, and she told me to, so I did. When we passed the tricky section I slowed down and said that I was glad we’d gotten through there. She agreed and I asked where she’s going. She said yoga (a good sign) and I told I’d been trying it as a supplement to weightlifting. A little too gay and friendly, maybe, but it popped out. We talked about yoga and I told her to wait at the next light, because I want to get her number.

At the light I pulled out my phone and gave it to her and said that life is like waiting at the light: if you don’t act quickly the opportunity goes away.

A pretty basic interaction overall, but her energy was high. I’ve promised myself that I’m going to stop hitting on women and dating for a while in order to recover myself, but this morning I slipped into old habits, but I brought more energy to the interaction than I have in many recent interactions. When you’ve conditioned yourself to flirt as long as I have, you get used to acting in the moment. She gave me the phone back and I said I looked forward to seeing her and gave her hand a little squeeze. That surprised her. Not sure if it’s in a good or bad way.

She rode off and I caught up to my kids, who’d seen the number exchange. I really ought to hide things better from them, but the moment is everything. Instead of being terrifying, being in the moment has become thrilling.

Yeah, yeah, I know that I wrote about how I almost never write field reports… only to keep writing field reports. If I notice a situation that might have useful learning points for other guys I’ll write about it.