The male analogy: young guys blowing their military cash

There’s a male analogy to the sex workers mentioned in What the thinking escort is thinking… young guys who enlist in the military and then blow their cash. I’m chatting with a guy via email and he brought up the Netflix documentary Hot Girls Wanted… it’s a sad film, for lots of reasons… the number of women suited to doing sex work is not high, and porn is not a good idea today because the market flooded years ago… seriously, practically every porn ever made is online, on streaming sites or in torrent sites… so doing porn for money is stupid. Reddit’s full of unpaid peer-to-peer amateur porn. The market is glutted… gotta move on. The opportunities that existed for “porn stars” to make money existed from about 1970 – 2009… that window is now closed, but the high-end escort market still exists.

The guy I’m chatting with mentioned that in the documentary, most of the girls work for a couple months or a year, get paid a lot of money by teenage standards… and spend it all. One girl, however, has a boyfriend the whole time, saves her money, goes home after she’s done working, and has a bunch of investment cash at the end of her time. She avoids the purses, clothes, and whatever else young dumb girls spend their money on. She’s a disciplined investor who realizes that she’s only got a few possible years of good earnings.

The situation reminds me of guys in the military… you’ve probably known them… to a typical 18 year old 20 – 30k and low expenses seems like all the money in the world, so it’s easy to throw that money around. Disciplined guys get out in 4 – 6 years and have 50k+ saved up… chow is covered, housing is covered in some/many circumstances. Outside every big base, though, are a bunch of car dealerships… you’ve signed the enlistment papers… that’ll get you a high-interest loan so you can get the fancy vehicle… then you have to spend money on gas, parking, transporting the vehicle, insurance. The girl from high school is tired of working her minimum wage job, so she’s suddenly interested in getting married… she’s so pretty and willing… and she’ll be loyal to you while you’re overseas… of course she will, baby… a lot of guys can get out with nothing, sometimes less than nothing. Smart guys save that cash and use their educational allotments wisely when they get out.

This equivalence is not exact, obviously, so don’t stretch it too far… an attractive woman can make a million dollars with relatively low time commitments from age 20 – 30… living in a big city is far more fun than living on bases… military guys are very unlikely to make a million, even half that, and military guys have hugely more downside… just ask the guys who spent most of their time in third-world holes… but that similarity remains, lots of people who get cash early blow it. For most people, lifestyle expands to the amount of money you’re making… I’ve been guilty of this too in some ways.

The whole American edifice is built on debt… I admire people like Mr Money Mustache, who questions the whole debt/consumption treadmill. The things that really matter in life are 1. who you’re connected to and 2. what you’re making/creating. Most big-ticket spends (housing, cars, fancy clothes, pricey restaurants) don’t really improve either… they may be net negatives for both. I like game for many reasons, but one is that game helps improve connections and is also a form of making/creating (connections in this case, more than something tangible). It’s also relatively cheap… it costs some money for drinks/coffee, some money for simple meals, some money for a gym… compared to what most people spend on the big ticket items, it’s low cost. Freedom is the best thing you can buy, and you buy freedom by not spending money, particularly stupid money… most chicks don’t care what car you drive, as long as it’s clean and runs. For a lot of chicks, riding a fun electric vespa-type scooter / bike is a more fun and interesting date than spending a lot of $$$$. Ask what really matters and focus on that…

The smart girls also figure out that the real money isn’t in shooting porn starring themselves, it’s in recruiting other girls. Taking off your clothes and getting f**ked on camera takes no skill. Recruiting other girls to violate social norms by getting f**ked on camera… that takes a lot of skill, perceptiveness, psychological acuity, etc. It’s hard to do. If you think being a worker is hard… try being a manager… everyone thinks they can do what their boss does. Try it sometime.

When the problem is not the problem

Remember the girl I had to cut loose? I got a text from her saying that her roommate moved out without telling her, and that she’s looking for someone, almost anyone, to fill her place. While she doesn’t live in a terrible location, she doesn’t live in a great one, either, and in my view is likely overpaying for her apartment. This girl also has a bunch of self-imposed financial problems that make no sense, but she’s a girl and doesn’t know shit about money, even the obvious parts of money, like “spend less than you earn.” She has an okay job, although she should have left it at least a year ago. Remember that in modern corporate America, you should probably be changing jobs every 18 – 24 months, contrary to what your parents and older relatives may tell you.

The problem with her (I’ll call her Roommate Girl) is not the roommate who suddenly moved out without warning. It’s her. And she’s not addressing her core problems, psychological, financial or otherwise. While many of her problems are superficially external and outside of her control (she cannot control another girl), the root of Roommate Girl’s problems are within. Her drug issue, which affects the rest of her life, despite the fact that the drug is prescribed. Her doctrinaire, New York Times feminism, which I find one of her least attractive traits despite me mostly ignoring it, comes from inside her. There are other problems too. She went to an expensive college and took out student loans to pay for it.

Before you think this is about women, it’s not. It’s about guys, too, because most of them have the same issues as Roommate Girl. They externalize problems that exist within them. That’s one reason, a major reason, most guys do poorly with women. For a lot of guys, game starts as a set of superficial tricks to get laid. But if a guy does it to fullness, it becomes a total psychological and often physical revolution. For a lot of guys who don’t come in with a strong personality, it’s necessary to fix everything. That is the Krauser point in reveal vs. restructure, a post I keep linking to because it is very good. When a guy’s internal psychology and external actions are wise and congruent, game doesn’t become easy, necessarily. I don’t think it’s ever been easy for me, and I’m rocking a lot of advantages that most guys who write about game aren’t. But getting laid comes, if not easily, then much more directly than it does otherwise. Having one chick or a group of chicks on hand also makes getting the next one easier.

All the problems in a person’s life are typically linked together. Often, those problems have their roots in childhood. Being an adult means taking responsibility for problems that you yourself may not have caused. Roommate Girl has failed to do that and as a result she is suffering from many disparate problems that seem unrelated but start inside her.

These kinds of people often don’t reveal themselves at first glance. Roommate Girl presents extremely well. She intimidates a lot of men. As I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve seen through the facade. Her longest relationship lasted three years, and I don’t know how it lasted that long. I suspect the guy was a pretty weak and dramatic beta dude. Whatever the case, I feel bad for Roommate Girl, but she is also not the kind of person who is going to figure herself out.