This turned into a non-actionable ramble, but it is a fundamental statement of my views and psychology… it emerged in response to this Nash comment, so if you want to understand the context, check that first.
In the RP and seduction communities, I get the sense that some guys (maybe most?) are kind of cold/damaged. They’ve failed too many times and are seeking revenge, or seeking to “get a free one” off chicks. Or to get a chick in the inferior position, so that HE has the power (for once) and will get to feel what it’s like to have arbitrary power over another person. None of those are good primary frames, in my view, even if they can be attractive at times.
I try to cultivate kindness… BUT not by being “nice” or weak. I’m not a niceguy. I’m very keen on reciprocity as a fundamental part of the human experience, and I’m cagey about people trying to steal value. “Nice” often means, “I will bleed so much value to you, that you’ll feel it necessary to return some to me, however reluctant you are.” That’s lousy game, but it’s game that some ignorant guys will try, particularly when they’re young; older guys learn this is ineffective and stop doing it. I will be very angry if someone tries to use me, or get one over on me, although in the modern world that means “withdraw attention” is usually the only option.
BUT. We’re stuck on this planet together, until Elon takes us to space, and I would like to make the world a better place. Game makes the world a better place, as chicks want to be seduced by competent guys and of course guys want to seduce hot chicks. There are some ways that our biologies have caused incentives to be mismatched between guys and chicks. To fail to acknowledge that would be stupid. Within that context, however, I try to create “win-win” wherever possible, while also acknowledging that, of course, sometimes it is not possible to do “win-win.” I try to find chicks who want the same. Chicks who aren’t win-win don’t have a long-term place in my life… they may have a short-term place, with their legs spread, but that’s it. Balaji says “As a guiding philosophy, ‘win and help win’ will always outcompete ‘live and let live’.”
“Win-win” means trying to make sure the chick has the opportunity to get off. It means holding her after, something most chicks love and crave, even from random one-offs. Even in group sex situations, it is common to hold the chick after… she’s had an intense experience, and needs to be helped down from it. It means I usually have some food around, so we can have a snack. Most chicks are too dumb or self-centered or incapable of planning ahead to do these things, but some are self-aware enough to do them. Remember that chicks are only as competent as they need to be, and most chicks don’t need to be very competent to get laid out by guys. A lot of chicks report most guys are not doing basic stuff, like guys holding the chick after sex or giving her a snack. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s a factor of chicks trying to get guys +1 or +2 SMV compared to them, and then they get what they give.
I don’t like the view, even if it’s purely psychological, that the goal of seduction is to get one over on the chick, or to punish the chick for all the times a chick has been a bitch to the guy. The Geneva Conventions forbid group punishment; only individuals should be punished for bad behavior, not groups (one of the major problems with woke social justice warrior culture today is the propensity is target groups, not individuals). A guy should protect his value from chicks, or anyone, who will take it… but he should also try to be generous where and when possible. Especially in low-cost, high-value situations. Like holding a chick after he’s f**ked her. Simple thing that will make her experience much better. Chicks say they like generous guys and they aren’t lying: they like guys who are authentically, generous, though, not guys who are trying to run up implied debts and then exchange the implied debts for sex.
There are simple things that can make a chick’s life better: invite chicks to the gym… give her a book he thinks is good… etc. It’s both good for the chick and also gives you information about her. A basic, lazy ignorant chick is probably only good for one thing, and she can be mentally put into that one-thing bucket. I’ve had many chicks good for little outside of sex. A highly responsive chick might be good for other things, beyond sex. Most chicks who have little to offer apart from f**king think they have much to offer apart from it, which generates many moments of comedy. When you find a chick who also wants to make the world a better place, that is valuable information. When you find a chick who wants to wants to watch TV, eat junk food, and complain… that is also valuable information. Obviously there are many gradations between the two.
Many guys, I sense, never get to the stage where they are seriously evaluating the chick, and discarding the chicks who aren’t any good. So if they struggle and struggle, then get to the stage where they have choice… they are sometimes tempted to be mean to the chick. Experienced guys learn that is very rarely good. Most of the time, simple disconnection is the right response to mean, bad, lazy, or stupid chicks. Trying to be mean in return… is rarely a good idea. Sometimes it might be. But very rarely.
I sense that a lot of guys in pickup, seduction, RP (distinct communities at times, but I will put them together my purposes now) want to present a bravado front… look at me, the great player/wizard, with all these chicks before me… I can treat them like dirt, or at least not very well, and they still come back for me… and if she doesn’t come back for more, BEHOLD!, for she will be replaced by another chick, for I am the great player/wizard of seduction, ready to replace that chick.
OF COURSE, sometimes a chick should be replaced. Of course, a guy is only as good as his options. Of course, a guy should be seeking new leads if his plate is not totally full. BUT, he should also try to improve the lives of the chicks he’s f**king, if he can, to the extent he can, while making sure that he only acts in ways that the chick merits. If he senses even for a moment that the chick is using him, or is withdrawing because of his generative nature… then he must pull back.
Top chicks, especially top chicks who are mentally sound, will respond will to a generative person. F**ked up chicks may respond less well. But I want more mentally sound chicks in my life, and fewer messes. You get what you give… there are some exceptions to that principle, but over time and over many scenarios, it plays out.
Nothing is perfect, and I’ve often misjudged chicks and situations. But I still want my basic frame and mode of being in the world to be positive and to be building new and good things. That can be executed in many different ways… with a chick you’ve just f**ked, though, it usually means you should hold her after. People want to connect with each other. In some ways, we have a very “cold” society in which we’re heavily disconnected. I like game because it creates the connections people yearn for but often don’t know how to make for themselves, anymore.
Enough ramble… I could keep going. If guys want to see more of my not-immediately-actionable ramble posts, there is a tag for them.