Women don’t think that women can make adult decisions and be held accountable for those decisions

Years ago I worked with and sometimes supervised a college-age intern. She was into me for what I assume to be the usual reasons… she initiated the flirting and while I flirted back, I stay somewhat reserved in work settings. While I stand by what I wrote in If you are not a pussy you will do better than most guys: ‘When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It and argue that men should be more aggressive and direct, it’s also unwise and unnecessary to fuck where you earn.

I slept with this one at the end of her time, and I didn’t actually fuck her until she was done with the internship, and as far as I know we enjoyed some good times. It was an easy, fun lay and she was also extremely petite and extremely tight. She was mobile and moved out of my geographic area, and when she got back I tried to re-engage, but she said a hard “no.”

We’d stayed Facebook friends since then and while Facebook is a waste of time I do use it occasionally… usually to set up hookups or arrange real-world meetings. A year or two ago I happened to see a post about a career milestone for this girl (although I think she’s going in the wrong direction, I’ve not been asked my opinion so I shut the fuck up about it). In the post she wrote about her career decisions and her relationship . . . with an older guy . . . who “took advantage” of her when she was younger. I’m omitting some details, but I realized she is definitely talking about me.

She wrote that I had taken advantage of her vulnerability and used age and wisdom to become intimate with her. She also wrote that I had betrayed her trust in me. She was the active participant in seducing me and I recall what she was like in bed (eager, happy, seemingly satisfied or faking it well).

Our relationship did end in a somewhat untidy way and she got lost in the shuffle because I was f**king a couple other girls at the time, and she left the area pretty quickly. One day during that time I was supposed to meet her for coffee and as I walked in I saw my #1 girl already sitting at the window! I hadn’t properly prepped either for non-monogamy, so I had to run and make some unfortunate and very lame excuses; part of the angry girl’s reaction is probably due to my own hectic schedule at the time, and I should rightfully have done a better job of setting expectations, boundaries, etc. I wasn’t as good at that as I am now, or I just hadn’t had time to.

The aggrieved tone of her post is ridiculous and she is claiming the mantle of victimhood as if that’s something to admire. That woman (and she is now really a woman, not a girl) doesn’t think that women are capable of making adult decisions for themselves. Like a lot of “feminists.” For her, anything women do that they later regret is something that happened due to “emotional vulnerability” or “manipulation” or some such other nonsense. Women like this one are arguing, without realizing it, that women are children and shouldn’t be culpable for their actions and choices. Regret something? It’s a man’s fault.

I actually disagree with that view, but I’ve heard enough women express it to stop me… and make me think… what if those women are right?

There are a handful of women in public who want women to be held to the same levels of accountability and rationality that men are. They don’t buy into the SJW worldview. They are just… rare. But a lot of other women think that women can’t be trusted to make their own sexual decisions. Feminists want to treat women like children. Sometimes I think, “Maybe feminists are right, given the female propensity to rewrite the past to fit present circumstances.” There is an epidemic of reframing consensual encounters as non-consensual, like that chick.

Holly Madison Reveals The Hell That Is Playboy Mansion Life. Now, I don’t doubt that life in the Playboy Mansion was torpid and boring for the girls (how could it not be?). But Holly Madison got fame and a place on TV and rescued from her own inept life choices by nothing more than her beauty. After the fact, she’s pissed off about it and doubts her own ability to consent. She thinks she can’t be responsible for her own decisions… just like the former intern.

What women will think if men start taking them at their word? That women can’t be trusted to be consistent in their own decisions?

Pacing and seduction

Pacing in seduction is tricky. It’s bad to hurry her excessively but it’s also bad to be lazy. Don’t be too languid either. You want enough energy to generate some heat but not so much that you’re panting after her like a dog. A lot of chicks, maybe all of them, know guys who, with the slightest hint of interest, go from 0 to 100 in terms of attention and demands. A frenzy of interest that turns the chick off.

Just being able to take your time at almost any stage of the process sets you apart from the competition. Being able to read her and read social cues is rare when it should be common. No one teaches these things so guys have to learn on our own.

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A random thought from twitter: “When you push far enough, almost everything we do is a cover for lust and a way to push those genes into the next generation.” Including work, school, etc.

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The central innovation I have offered is pretty clear, although I don’t think it’s for most guys. Talking to the guys who have been trying these techniques has been clarifying and I have added a lot to the book, refining it too, because of these conversations. I’m trying to distil 10 – 11 years of experience. Some high highs, some low lows. A lot of my game I’ve stumbled into accidentally, so I’m trying to help guys think deliberately about what they can do, if they want to do some of the things I have done. I have learned a lot from the players writing online… I want to give a little bit back.

“The stripper with the sugar daddy”

The stripper with the sugar daddy” is my version of the title… let’s be real here, she’s no computer scientist… she does have a typical alpha/beta boyfriend dynamic going on, though… “I’m leery of his avoidant attachment style but, like my weekend shifts at the club, the promise of pleasure lures me back again and again,” the usual, honey…

I’m also beginning to realize I’m torn between A and B. B is reliable, empathetic, open, everything I am not used to in men — but deep down I know I am not as into him as he is into me. I find myself drawn to the 10,000-piece puzzle that is A. Even though he is evasive and maddeningly frustrating, I realize that I am in love with him.

It’s like reading red pill fan fic… the boring guy is too boring for her, the exciting guy is exciting because he’s unreliably available. With A, there’s a little “accident,”

We go back to his place and fuck passionately for hours, in every position. I love making you come, he whispers, kissing the back of my neck. When he’s about to finish he asks, can I come in you, but I hear, can I come on you, and tell him of course. I am shocked when I feel myself getting filled with something. It’s been a long time since I let someone do that, for me it’s as intimate as it is risky.

B, however,

sends me a link to a playlist he’s made. I listen to it before work and realize it’s a love letter. I am flooded with conflicting emotions. He knows I dance and thinks its “fucking badass,” which is a rarity; he’s a feminist, a real one. We are compatible on so many levels but there is something missing for me.

She likes him but is an avoidant type herself… so B’s statements of attraction to her turn her off… while A’s distance turns her on. Different types women of women will be turned on by different things. This is not a chick who likes comfort or needs much of it. This is a chick who likes wild uncertainty. The more sexually open and fluid she is, the more likely she is to be turned on by game playing, hot-cold, push-pull, etc. Know your audience.

Finishing inside is a universal path to intimacy and connection, however.

 

 

Brief one about limited interactions at a sex party

Went to another closed sex party Saturday night, and as I began to write this I thought back on The Tom Torero lay report book, “Below the Belt”, “Should you read it? I dunno. If you want more lay reports, then sure. If you’ve already read a bunch of them, as I have, then I don’t know if it’s that useful. They do get repetitive, and that sense of repetition may be part of what’s making me thinking about the next part of my life.” Same thing here, cause a lot of the older sex club reports (the ones I didn’t write cause I wasn’t writing then) would look like this one… went to the party that some friends were hosting. Maybe 100 people there total? Enjoyed it overall and chatted with some people. Not a lot of really good looking girls there, but three or four 7+s were around. Had a couple with a hot girl offer a swap, so that was fun. Declined it, though. Precedent: don’t want to go there right now.

Sex parties, lots of people f**king together in the same space, it’s just very… stimulating. Stimulating in a way impossible to explain without experiencing it. The group dynamic makes everyone f**k better, improves focus, offers encouragement. There’s an undercurrent of feeling that we’re all getting one over on societal rules… that feeling players know… but it’s present here as well. Even if you don’t interact too much with other people, it can be a fun place. The stimulation is there even without f**king another woman. I’ve actually transacted a bit of business at these events, too, cause you never know who’s going to be at them. I’ve seen couples who go regularly but never go beyond touching or kissing other people. They get some of their jollies from the environment, without wanting to risk their primary relationship. Compared to the typical getting drunk and being bored and then being hung over the next day, this is a big improvement. Everyone wants to f**k anyway… better to skip the pretense.

There were a few too many fat chicks for my taste, and more shifty guys than I would have liked, if you know what I mean. Wasn’t enough to make me leave, but I noted it. There was also a small cute girl there who I’ve met before but who has the glassy-eyed, thousand-cock stare that I’m not a fan of. I’m sure some hater guys who have never been think all the chicks there are like that, but that’s not been my experience… most of them have a pretty well-integrated sexuality, a sexuality that their forebrain and hindbrains agree with, and that prevents the vacant look of women who use sex or their bodies for attention, as transactions, etc. This one… I can’t place her. Have not been inside her but have thought about having a go. Something seems a little off about her, and that plus wanting to establish good precedent holds me back. I also need to be congruent. If I am not congruent in what I think I should be doing and what I do, that is going to f**k me up.

Saturday morning I also went out for coffee with my date, and there was a couple sitting across from us. Struck up a bit of a conversation over something, can’t remember what… I found the girl unbelievably sexy, but I’m not sure why exactly… something about the way she moved, or her vibe. The pants she was wearing, somewhere between yoga pants and sweatpants, just made her ass look fantastic. The guy was more interesting than average too. They both looked like they’d just rolled out of bed. Probably won’t go anywhere, but the old ways and habits die hard. I dropped a strategic drug reference in, and that went over well. I get the vibe from them, probably because I really want to get the vibe.

It also appears that Torero has killed his whole online presence, so if you want the book, speak up and maybe it will find its way to you.

“Why 16? Who do age of consent laws really protect” A dangerous story, too

There’s a story in the second half of this one……. about me turning tail and running.

Why 16? Who do age of consent laws really protect. Rare to see these ideas questioned, because they serve two groups’s interests: older women voters and parents. Obviously older women parents really see their interests served, but older male parents don’t want to watch their daughters make typical retarded romantic decisions and get pregnant by charming older players. Charming teen players are bad enough. Throw in experienced seducers with teen girl morons and you risk greater pregnancy, heartbreak, etc.

Parents don’t give a shit about abstract arguments regarding right, wrong, consistency, etc. They just want their daughters to be less likely to get pregnant, get STIs, become dick drunk, etc. Don’t underestimate the power of the last one… if you are a player you have seen chicks go out of their minds with desire, at least temporarily, and a decent number of dads remember women who went crazy with love/lust. They want to avoid that condition in teen girls if at all possible. Don’t think your arguments about reason, autonomy, women being their own bosses, etc. are going to persuade the parents who have to deal with seduction’s aftermath. Adult women have a hard enough time, as we can see from the number of women bearing children out of wedlock.

Plus… women who are over the age of 18 and especially over the age of 25/30 can’t effectively compete with younger chicks. Continue reading ““Why 16? Who do age of consent laws really protect” A dangerous story, too”

Social dancing, social skills, and the game

Some guys try partner dancing (salsa, swing, etc.) as a component of their game, and I’m one of them, but I’ve found the results to be mixed… whether you should do dance classes depends a lot on you. If you’ve got lots of tasty chicks queued up and a good pipeline, there’s little reason to start dancing unless you’re a guy who really likes it, or unless you’re in a small town without good day game opportunities. The highest-value guys and chicks rarely or never show up at these venues… which tells you something important.

The reasons for dancing are many and we’re the dancing species, so dancing is in line with our evolved propensities… it’s hard to fight evolved propensities. Guys with good game are almost always aligned with what chicks find attractive, and guys who can’t align themselves with what chicks find attractive will struggle. I didn’t make the rules bro, evolution did. The reverse is also true… just talk to a girl who is fat or old and see how much fun dating is for her… she is not aligned with what guys are primed to desire.

I get the impression a lot of guys starting in pickup, the game, and the Red Pill have bad social skills and are starting from bad places, with no queue of chicks, no pipeline, and a lifetime of videogame, sugar, and porn habits to fight against… guys who don’t have the social skills to apply cold-approach pickup and, even if they try, find the process so daunting as to be almost impossible. For them, social dancing (and improv) are good ways to start making forward progress… every day you can make progress or regress… you only see the tip of the spear. Social dancing and improv are structured ways of meeting new people and building concrete skills without the thumbs-up / thumbs-down aspect of proposing dates and sex to new chicks. When I was younger I was sometimes nervous about sexual rejection, but now I realize that when a girl gives me a firm “no,” or when I take anything apart from “yes” as “no,” that is an advantage to me because I can quit feeding her attention better targeted elsewhere. Guys without a chick pipeline and without masculine identity and presence often find “no” to be devastating, a blow to their whole identity.

After college I lost some of the environmental and ecosystem practices that had led me to good solid lays, and this seems true of a lot of guys. I thought I was a player… turned out I was just in a good environment and a little bit less of a p***y than most guys, and that was sufficient to get a bunch of lays. Oh, if I knew then what I know now……….

So I tried some social dancing. Continue reading “Social dancing, social skills, and the game”

Halloween party and being part of the larger group

Last-minute Halloween party that wasn’t exactly for sex but had many of the characters from the scene/circuit at it. Went at the last minute when some family things fell through, Halloween not being a very family holiday. It was the sort of party that ten years ago would have thrilled me… now I’m fine doing it (this is not a whine), but I feel more take it or leave it.

Took a bit of love substance with some real friends, and the substance kept me awake later than was desirable, but it also had some of its intended effects. I see why these things are being tested in clinical settings, because I think they can have powerful reset properties. But my state was pretty low: lots of sex overall this week, including the day of the party, and whenever that happens… I’m just a lot less social. Less focused on meeting people and seducing women. Like a lot of guys, I have a “hunting” mode that makes me bolder, funnier, deeper, bouncier. More persistent though BS. And that mode was set to “off” from sufficient f**king. Guys in the game know that it all goes better when the mood is right… this isn’t an excuse for failing to do the work when the work needs to be done and the mood isn’t there, but it is a statement about how the game happens, which is another way of saying how people meet and get together from there. The best game doesn’t look like game, etc.

Did meet some chicks and catch up with some old friends, some of them friends of convenience and situation. When younger, I felt a burning desire to f**k pretty much every acceptable girl. Don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t mind that… but priorities have shifted, or are shifting. And I understand why guys around my age coming off of years, or worse decades, of unhappy monogamy, sexless “marriages,” etc. would want to f**k pretty much every acceptable girl, to feel fully alive. But… I also understand why years of short-term liaisons can begin to wear on the psyche… it can become a bit monotonous in its own way… the world changes, people are born, people pass, and I’m still asking “Tell me about a fantasy you’ve never shared before” and “I’m not sure you’re the kind of girl who hears the call to adventure. You might be a little boring, right?” I do less cube (have not properly memorized it) and that sort of stuff but have my own common tells/patterns.

There is a gap between “outcome independence” (a concept discussed by many players) and “not giving a shit,” and I feel like I have gone from striving for the first to stumbling into the second… and that shows in my (sporadic, rare) approaches. It’s good to keep up the skills… today, it’s the nature of relationships that a guy never knows when he’ll be on the market again. Women are capricious. The ocean’s tide can be predicted, as can the motion of the planets, but not the mind of a woman. If a guy lets go, he can get dragged into the relationship underclass real fast… just look at your friends with terrible diet and exercise habits… they get what they give. If their primary partner leaves, they’re f**ked, and not in the good way. Being alive today means always being alive to what will happen if she walks tomorrow. It means… it’s not a bad idea to have a couple loose affiliations with women you might text if your main thing goes away.

At the party, I ran into a girl I was f**king for a while a few years ago. She seemed super young then and still seems young, although she’s got to be reaching into the second half of her 20s. Totally empty headed, but in a slightly unusual way. She is too… pliant? Like, she will basically wander into bed with anyone who asks, even when she shouldn’t. I tried to get her to understand value and reciprocity, without her really getting it. She would basically f**k whoever asked… which led to problems at work and among friends… she was the kind of girl who could just be escalated pretty casually into bed (or the bathroom at a bar). A girl who is not good at doing any value protection can be fine in the moment but moving past the most casual of casual f**king often doesn’t work.

She has a pretty face and nice demeanor, but her body is basically skinny fat. She looks like she could be a tight high 8 (though not much in the boob department), then seems more like a low 7 nude. High 6, maybe. For a guy who loves a pretty face over a hot body, she might be a bit higher… I’m the opposite. No interesting story about her, cause I met her at one of the first events she attended, so my job was to look good, chitchat, then escalate, then follow up. Being in this world can blunt a player’s overall game development, because, if the guy can bring in enough new girls, etc., it becomes playing on easy mode. No one gets to the later levels of a thing without trying to reach the edge of his abilities, and if you can get solid 7s on easy mode, how badly do you want to keep chasing? If you become a game obsessive you might still go… to stroke the ego, to reach the highest echelons, etc…. for myself, if I’m sated, my focus tends to move to other things. And at the clubs, a lot of filtering has been done… same with the private events… a girl enters this ecosystem seeking something… something that I have been happy to provide.

This girl was an easy come, easy go girl… we had a thing for a couple months, but she never really “got” me, while I got her quite well. There is no way to put this nicely, but there was a serious IQ and personality mismatch between us. I have dated women smarter than me… which is a fantastic experience, because I can learn a lot from them, and they offer much greater intellectual stimulation and it’s possible to talk to them about work problems, ideas, etc., and get useful feedback, which most girls can’t offer. This one, though… was always more than a couple steps behind me… something I’m okay with, but that kind of mismatch can grate over time… she seemed not to understand that I need to work, to prioritize my job and other issues, and I don’t really know where her income came from. She didn’t seem to be selling sex, and I paid close attention to that, cause pretty girls with no visible means of real support… they have a means of support between their legs… you can usually tell if you’re paying attention. Her family didn’t seem especially wealthy. She did live with too many other people, so maybe her costs were just low, and she lived to party. I haven’t thought about her since I last saw her at a party. Some girls stick in the mind, some slip right out. The circuit can be game on easy mode.

There were fun aspects of the evening, and the love drug has the unfortunate property of making 6s more attractive. If I had been alone… I don’t know… I think it’s good that I wasn’t. So it was fun, but a lot of the things I considered fun now feel kind of melancholy, and the things I’d considered boring, or part of the interstate on the way to fun, I’m more okay with. I’m less interested in bamboozling and more interested in deep talk, often unmediated by altering substances. Unlike some guys, I’ve never had a problem with them. Some people, without intoxicating substances or the intoxicating lure of sex… there is not much else there, when you try to see what their mind is made of. For a lot of women, it’s hard to get to internal substance without the connection of sex first, or without substances to lower inhibition. Then it’s possible to see what’s there, past the layers of social defenses… arguably the game is about strategies to intelligently negate those defenses and allow people to really see what’s inside. I’ve been just fine with bamboozling, with the game, with chasing the f**king, for a long time. Now I am… less fine.

But I am glad that I’m making charts of this world, which has been almost entirely invisible to players, from what I have seen (if I am wrong please point out the predecessors). It seems that I have learned things and realized things that hitherto no one who thinks about the game has realized, or has spoken about. There is a pleasure in making the unknown visible to others. Game is the realization that there is a process and set of practices that can be followed in order to improve success with women. It isn’t completely random; it isn’t a matter of “women are weirdos;” it is a matter of recognizing systematic preferences and then acting on those preferences. Taking what had seemed mysterious and making it a system, like early entrepreneurs realized that a lot of formerly artisanal products could be made cheaply in factories powered by coal. The artisans were angry at seeing their market evaporate but the market spoke. Women hate the idea of the seduction process being illuminated, yet women love hot cool seductive guys and complain about the opposite (fat lame nervous guys). I’m extending another probe down a previously missed, unmapped branch of the game.

None of this is an argument about how other guys should live or game. It’s a description of what’s in my mind lately. When game or sex club experiences are in my mind and life, I report those. Otherwise… more like this. You start with game… you end up with psychology and the entire human world, if you scroll down far enough.

Not much of a field report to report.