Don’t say anything, and instead change the debate

A player scheduled a date with a chick, then felt ill so he cancelled, then felt better and attempted to un-cancel (or reschedule, I guess) the date. The chick said she’s not free anymore and that she thinks he had other plans, and the other plans got cancelled. She “doesn’t believe in miracles.” Sounds like a girl who’s been around men and dating for a while.

So what would you do? Leave answers in the comments before you read on.

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Okay, so what should you do? Red Pill Dad said, “That’s tough. My first thought is to make fun of her.” He also said, “Or, the other thing would be to just say: I’m sorry you feel that way—I’d still like to see you. Let’s meet at X at 7.” The player in question thinks she’s legit angry, though. He wants to reply, because “she’s essentially calling me a liar.”

I had a different take, “I’d ignore, roll off, try again next week.” Why? Attention points to the issue, and leads to “the question of the guy’s veracity” being the frame… which is not the frame you want, especially over text (if you haven’t read the essay on attention, go read it, as it’s foundational and fundamental). The issue of the player’s veracity is already lost: if he sees her in person again he can reiterate the truth, but she doesn’t believe him, and it’s unlikely that anything he can say over text will change her mind.

Even a token response seems sub-optimal to me. I’d say nothing, and doing nothing is an under-rated move. Notice how often chicks do it. And then when we (men) re-engage later, chicks act as if nothing has happened or changed. Many of us, myself included, have an often-counterproductive desire to have the last word, or to achieve closure in the conversation. We want to be right, or “right.” Chicks, however, are often willing to say nothing, and let absence speak: it can be a kind of power move, if done properly. Often, the best way to deal with the argument or disagreement is to change the frame, to not have that argument, and instead to have another. Attention to an issue foregrounds the issue. At first glance, maybe it seems as if the player’s options were fight her (weak frame) or grovel to her (also weak frame). Ignoring her, letting emotions calm down, feels like short circuiting the system.

When people argue, they are very rarely arguing about what is “right.” They are talking about their ego, their underlying big five personality traits, their social status, etc. How can we intelligently manage conflict? When a guy gets into this kind of ticky-tacky debate with a chick, he’s often lost the moment he engages. Think of nerds who engage chicks in political or social debates, that sort of thing…. they very effectively turn the chick off. Many men are overly logical with chicks, thinking that the situation is like a math problem, with a right answer. But chicks are not math problems, they are feeling/emotions problems, where logic as men know it often doesn’t apply. Many men are scientists and engineers while many chicks are social workers and HR people, telling us an important truth about chick preferences and man preferences.

The girl I call Cassie was prone to annoying feminist/SJW outbursts via text, and when she did… I ignored them and re-engaged later, when I was ready to see her. Those outbursts were annoying but overall I liked f**king her, she reliably went to sex clubs with me, and they were an annoyance but little more. I’d starve her attempt to make a fire of oxygen by not engaging, but I simultaneously didn’t agree with her feminist bullshit. That seemed like a decent middle ground to me. She’d sometimes do the same in conversation, which I also ignored, and directed the conversation to better places. I’d never have her be my girlfriend or a significant presence in my life, because she’s shown me who she is (annoying), but she is good for sex clubs and that is enough for her. She’s also said she wants to be in a relationship, not just someone’s secondary partner, but she can’t connect her off-putting feminist SJW outbursts from her lack of significant male companionship. Girls like her are not so common, but they can be found, especially in the big cities, or wherever spinsters and future spinsters gather.

Maybe the player’s desire to respond comes from scarcity mindset, and he felt the urge to get her back on board, to “fix” things… whereas that would drive her further away. Better to let her feelings change.

These strategies don’t always work and following them is no guarantee of victory (there are no guarantees in life apart from death, and that MDMA is awesome). The player with the dilemma shouldn’t have cancelled until he was sure he’d be sick. If he could have, he should have done a video call so she can hear/see he’s sick. We all make mistakes, however, and I have probably made more mistakes than most: we can only try to learn from those mistakes. If I hadn’t begun reading player blogs ten or twelve years ago there are many subtle lessons I’d not have learned.

The player should also go talk to more chicks (the answer to many dilemmas), as this one might be done with him. She might not be, you never know, but “talk to new girls” is almost always good advice.


An epilogue: between the time I wrote the above and published it, the player ignored the girl, and she double-texted him, with a positive second message. Ultimately she seems to have flaked, but I think the player learned from this situation. He wrote to me that he’d still like,

clarification on the interplay of strong frame and ignoring her behavior. Text admittedly makes things difficult here. But as much as you don’t want to reward bad behavior with attention, it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior.

There is no perfect answer here. I see a lot of sub-optimal advice online telling guys to cut out a girl at the first time of “disrespect.” This is ridiculous for most guys, as girls naturally shit test and more simply want to see what a guy is made of… or just banter. Girls love teasing, something many online autists struggle with.

Girls also feel different things at different times. If a guy does not have almost all the women in his life he can handle, he should not be prematurely ejecting girls for being girls. A lot of the advice I see in the community is about the guy flaunting his ego and also trying to protect his ego. Go ahead and do ego projection and protection if it makes you feel good, but I’d rather make connections with chicks and get laid.

I am worried that “it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior” is too much an ultimatum, and ultimatums are either a sign of weakness (most commonly) or a sign of great strength (very rarely). When a guy withdraws attention for poor behavior, that is enough: it is enough to do the thing, without announcing like a woman that the thing will be done. Much of this perceived desire to punish is about the man’s fear that he is weak, or that he somehow wishes to take revenge on all women, or to control all women.

See as well Red Pill Dad’s post, “Call a woman on her shit or put her in her place. If she’s your wife or girlfriend, OK, but even then you need to be careful, because directly confronting a woman, especially if she’s agitated or angry is falling into her frame. The best thing to do is ignore her, change the subject, or dismiss it without being combative.” Most people don’t change their minds and indeed stop listening altogether when someone confronts them head on. We most want to hear someone who already has status and/or credibility.

Integrating smart drugs, like MDMA (molly), smartly

The average guy who regularly uses drugs like MDMA (molly), coke, etc., may seem from the outside like an idiot and may even be one, but the guys who use MDMA to lead better lives don’t look or act like the average drug idiot. You probably won’t know who they are, unless they tell you, or unless you see them at a venue on a night that’s conducive to the rolling experience. Without having had that experience, it’s impossible to describe how beautiful and life-affirming it can be: and, for those reasons, it can also be a powerful tool in terms of bonding with chicks, and elevating their lives. Loads of girls love different experiences (their typical life is dreary, except when men who up to create some excitement) and it’s possible to intelligently experiment with altered states of mind and body. That almost no guys writing about the game mention this (kind of obvious) point tells us about guys writing about the game… the main exception I can think of is Delicious Tacos, who’s not writing about the game, exactly, but sometimes tweets that the most effective pickup line in the world is, “Hey, want to do some coke?” I’m not saying that should be your line… but he has a point. Loads of guys disparage nightclubs, none of them ever say, “coke is a key part of doing that game successfully.” Personally I don’t want to do coke, but its effectiveness in certain environments remains.

MDMA is better, though, as mentioned above, impossible to describe without having taken it, but it will lower inhibitions, increase tactile sensations, create greater social cohesion, and have some other positive effects, like making people who take it more open and outgoing. A lot of ppl don’t like clubs/raves, then they take MDMA, then they’re suddenly great! If clubs/raves look stupid to you, that’s because you’ve never experienced them on drugs, which is the only way they make sense. Booming nightclubs are horrible environments, unless you’re drunk or on drugs. MDMA is a much better experience than alcohol.

Girls go out and have a couple of drinks on dates because the girls are nervous and they also want to get laid, without their nervous forebrain getting in the way of their p**sies. Girls want to unabashedly and uninhibitedly love sex, but they often let their social and psychological programming and conditioning get in their way. The application of a bit of alcohol, or MDMA, can get her over the inhibition hump and into a total sex state, something that is obvious to most guys who have been around. Experienced girls will often be able to get there on their own, but even they can remain pretty inhibited until they try a little something that gets them where they want to go. Lots of girls mess things up for themselves and they know a little something will help them relax and get into the now. What can do that thing? Alcohol can, like MDMA, or coke. If it’s her first time with something like MDMA, she’ll be apprehensive, but it is an amazing experience: it opens you open to sensation and feeling and induces a kind of euphoria, if it’s paired with another person. Sense of touch becomes heightened.

There are limits to drugs, and don’t take opioids of any sort, ever, except under a doctor’s close supervision for medical reasons. That means heroin but also oxycontin, oxycodone, percocet, and many others (anyone who offers those is not your friend and needs help, but you should also maintain some distance from them). These are hugely addictive and will destroy you. Don’t hang out with people who do opioids of any kind, for any non-prescribed reason. These drugs are genuinely dangerous. In the United States we have a problem in that “drugs” are widely demonized, which makes no sense, because different drugs do wildly different things and have wildly different danger/risk profiles. Like this, a description of MDMA “therapy,” showing how this “party drug” can be deployed for other purposes. Many people find MDMA experiences with friends and lovers to be among the highlights of their life.

The best time for a girl is often that mix of fear and pleasure… a bit of fear/uncertainty/doubt is good (why riding motorcycles is so much fun for her… it’s safe enough while still feeling edgy). Drugs like mdma can do that as well, if you can show the skittish girls the research and demonstrate the substance’s purity, and explain your own experiences with it. Some party girls are pre-sold, but the girls who have never done it will need some time to integrate them into her worldview. Drugs are often like threesomes: girls are curious, but lack the organization, fortitude, and wherewithal to make them happen.

A lot of hot young girls are weird, awkward, and antisocial… a problem arguably becoming worse in the smartphone generation… until they get a little mdma/coke/booze in them, at which point they become more social, and they’re ready to shift from coke to cock. For hot girls, being weird, awkward, and antisocial when sober isn’t a problem, because plenty of guys will approach and escalate them. Such is the power of female privilege, which almost no one talks about.

Psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin aren’t sex drugs in the immediate sense. They’re drugs for opening the mind to different conscious states, and they’re better for girls you’ve already been sleepin with for a while. If the girl has already done them, compare experiences, and also congratulations because she’s telling you she’s a sexually adventurous slut. If she’s not, you can make fun of her being a scared square. In the game terms, girls who have never tried any of these drugs can be made fun of for being square and boring, and never exploring the contents of their own consciousness. It’s a light tease. Ones who have, are identifying themselves as sluts. The corollary is that guys who haven’t experimented have nothing to say–which puts it’s in a the “square” box. Part of the game is riding that edge between where the guy is not so square as to be boring but not so exciting as to be alienating. Where that line is, will exist in different spaces for different girls. I’m also finding girls who are against drugs don’t hold it against you if you frame it properly, and if you otherwise seem like a guy with a functional, good life. The kind of guy who has shit together, but who is also interested in some mind-expanding experiences, is pretty rare. Most people who have done or are interested in drugs are also druggie losers.

Because they’re druggie losers or idiots, it may seem that only girls who are amenable to that kind of thing will be into them. Or they are the stupid hippies in college. Those people can find each other and hook up and so on… but I’m not them and don’t want to mold myself to be them, personally. But the higher-caliber girls who are interested in amazing experiences won’t be obvious.

Today almost anyone can order drugs on the dark web, and test kits on the standard web from Dance Safe. Search for guidelines because they’re out there. If you are willing to read this blog you should be willing to figure some things out for yourself.

The aftermath of an MDMA roll is also important, because some drugs will leave people feeling wrung out and depressed. Whether your girl is one of them depends on you. Some girls are better off being alone and some need to snuggled and told that it’s all right. There’s no algorithm for this situation so you’ll have to feel out on your own which is best for a particular girl. Generally I prefer to separate or at least be in separate rooms during the recovery/hangover phase, if there is one.

Judicious (key word) use / offering of drugs is also almost never discussed among game guys, from what I can tell, and I’m interested in the omissions within the community. This is one. I’m not pro-drug, exactly, but look again at the description of MDMA “therapy.” It’s a better testimonial than any I give. I’ve never read a “field report” that consists of a guy talking about an MDMA-fueled music festival, or club night, or anything like that, which tells me that, again, there are missing pieces in the discourse. What are we here on this planet to do? One answer is, “have top experiences,” and for many people, this is a top experience. If a man can facilitate top experiences for a woman, that woman will bond to him. Most guys can’t, most women can’t really make anything happen, and the intersection of those two things is the dating market.

Here’s one chick’s story about her first time rolling, and the sex it entailed. Guys often can’t get hard on MDMA and girls often can’t come, but the feeling and experience itself is so amazing that neither cares. Sometimes girls can come, and when they can, their experiences often match this chick’s. If you’re aware of other, similar accounts, or want to write your own, please leave them in the comments.

Doing it differently (Playing the long game)

Xbtusd is back, with another essay about how top guys think about dating and pursue non-monogamy.

I just got word from a long term threesome partner, Anna, that she will be in town in a few weeks, and we scheduled a date. My relationship with Anna makes me think about how different RQ’s experiences are from mine, and how different mine are from the average guy. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into Anna, planting a seed and nurturing it as it grew. When the pandemic struck, Anna moved to another city to ride it out with her boyfriend. During lockdown, the four of us played online games together. When I went out of the country for the winter to a surf destination to escape covid winter, I kept in touch regularly via IG, commenting on her life and sharing mine with her. A lot of red pill commenters would probably say this is “beta,” or “soft”, or “cucked.” Is it? I don’t know, or really care. Human relationships are worth creating and maintaining for their own sake; treat people as instruments and you will become an instrument to them, to be discarded when your use is fulfilled. I don’t like fucking women I don’t know well and connect with as a person. Sex gets better the deeper you connect, not to mention that women need to trust you to fully to let go and have the best sexual experience possible. Want to fuck a girl in the ass? Tie her up? Cum on her face? Treating her like you like her helps, but liking her is exponentially better. 

I first met Anna years ago at a sex party. She and her boyfriend invited my girlfriend and I to fuck. We instead invited them to watch us fuck, and ended up spending a lot of time talking to them throughout the night. We made out a little, watched them fuck, but took it slow. This slow speed was unusual for the type of party I was at, but I wasn’t feeling their energy at first and wanted to get to know them better. Her boyfriend had recently moved to another city and was just in town for the party, so the four of us have never hooked up together. 

Right now, I’m also in the process of scheduling a date with a woman I dated years ago, Rose, who is now engaged. She and her fiance are non monogamous, so there was always an understanding that she’d be allowed to sleep with other men. Since then I’ve become friends with her fiancé, who is great, and Rose and I go on dates from time to time. Rose and I only started sleeping together again two years after she’d started dating her partner. I kept investing in the relationship because I wanted to sleep with her again, sure, I’m a guy, but also because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. She eventually proposed a threesome with her current fiance but I wasn’t feeling it. When Rose and I have date nights, we often facetime her fiance together so he feels included. I don’t get stuck in axiomatic thinking. I’m trying to get people to examine hilarious knee-jerk reactions that are at beginner level, red pill bullshit. If I’m living a fulfilling life, why call names? The desire to label others keeps the labeler frozen at the beginning levels. 

There’s a distinct difference between what I’m suggesting and pining away for a girl who is never going to fuck you (i.e. the dreaded friend zone): if you want sex and you realize she’s never going to go in that direction, accept it, and talk to new girls. However, investing in lots of female relationships will often bear fruit (as will investing in genuine friendships with men). As you have more unconventional experiences and relationship configurations, you start to see that trying to create win-win scenarios can produce very high long term ROI. Your perspective will shift. Your sense of the nature of sex culture will shift. I don’t care that much about variety, so what I’m proposing might not be attractive to everyone. But having girls who want to fuck you over many years, who are down to go to sex parties with you, have private sex parties with you, and do unconventional shit, takes investment. It takes time. It takes building trust. It takes reciprocity. The higher the trust the more likely you will have really incredible, outside of the norm experiences. As you have these experiences, they show you what’s possible, allowing you to understand what women want, and what you can offer that’s a compelling proposition. The more of these types of situations you’re in, the easier it is to brainstorm unusual arrangements that might hit the sweet spot on the venn diagram of what all parties involved want/need to get to a yes.

As RQ would say, there are levels to this game: 99% of the time, if you’re new to TRP, the advice—to not put chicks on a pedestal, don’t play the long game, don’t pine for some chick who you are “friends” with but secretly want to fuck—is extremely effective. But if you ignore the long game, and demand that a chick either sleep with you quickly or you’re out, you’ll rarely see what’s possible at the higher levels of game. Many chicks aren’t going to sleep with a guy immediately, and, if she does, she’ll frequently put him in the “casual sex’ category, and never want to sleep with him again.

In many ways, RQ’s levels align with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

Discussion/pattern level.

  • Self Actualization
    • FMF threesomes, BDSM, sex parties etc.
    • Women as members of a group but also evaluating them as individuals. We are both at once. Not all women are alike, though one can see patterns among them.
  • Psychological Needs
    • The evolutionary biology discussion:
      • Learning long-term patterns of attraction, behavior, and incentives for men and women.
      • Field reports and testing the theory in real life.
    • The (better) Reddit red pill discussion is about the need for men to: 
      • Improve diet, lifting, socializing, etc. 
      • Eliminate negative influences like video games, porn, TV, etc. 
      • Learning to approach and accept that women like sex and have sexual criteria. 
  • Physiological Needs/Safety Needs
    • A foggy mixture of confusion, hostility, admiration, and uncertainty:
      • “happy wife, happy life.” 
      • “What do women want?”
      • “I don’t understand why she did this thing.”
      • “She says she wants a nice guy but only dates assholes.” 
      • Putting women on a pedestal. 
    • Women are evil demons and shrieking harpies and just trying to shake men down for money. This is the “anger phase” that men who discover cheating, men with f**ked up lives, men who have suffered through the divorce and “family” law court system, etc. are facing. Most women aren’t trying to shake men down for money, but money and economic resources are a real consideration for women, because those things point to a man with a functional life who can provide for children. 

A lot of the perspectives you have at the beginning of the pyramid will change as you move from serving basic needs to exploring what’s possible at the outer bounds of what men have access to. It’s the difference between working at McDonald’s and being a scientist working on the human project. Long-term thinking can be crucial to success in the self-actualization phase, and self-actualization generally demands positive-sum relationships. A scarcity mindset leads to zero-sum relationships that aren’t as generative as they should be. The question I ask myself is: Are some of my investments a result of clinging to a scarcity mindset and my own limiting beliefs about my ability to bring more high quality women into my life? Unsure, but currently trying to fill the top of the funnel with some amazing women this summer.


Xbtusd’s other essays for Red Quest are here.

Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it

The Graphic Designer Who Hates Making the First Move is a universal story of a woman who can’t or won’t make the first move: she finds a guy she likes, “I think he’s cute and wish he’d just make the move and ask me out. I don’t get it.” Why doesn’t she make the first move? She doesn’t say. About another guy, she says, “I could ask him out myself, but I really want someone to take the lead and I want to be pursued.” Despite what you’ve heard from feminist teachers in schools, despite the bullshit you may have imbibed from the media, women are passive and won’t make the first move. As a man, it’s your job to make it, and it will almost certainly remain your job as long as men and women exist. Eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap, so, if you’re a man reading this, you’re going to need to be the actor, not the acted upon.

Sure, you may have heard women say “Ew, I can’t believe that guy hit on me.” Guess what? She’s making a female social power play, by saying that she’s so desirable and popular that she routinely rejects guys. That’s her game when she says something like that. Or, she considered the guy to be below her level (this always happens). The other day, I was walking along a strip of bars near me, and there was this woman, cute, wearing an outfit that was like 55% business / 45% T&A, skirt that was almost too short, tits almost hanging out too much, and I opened her with, I don’t know, something about business, something about the time of day, and she said something like, “Ew, no.” Or maybe just “No,” I don’t remember exactly, but it was an uncommonly cold rejection, particularly for a woman dolled up like she was.

And it doesn’t matter, the rejection, I mean.

Continue reading “Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it”

Where do your ideas come from? Doing things, going places

A guy emails to ask, how do I write so much? Where do I get ideas? Three tiers, in descending order of importance…

* Experiences. What have I done, how did I do it, what did I learn from it. These can be negative ones, too… how did I fail, why did I fail, what did I learn from it. The best, most intersting guys are reporters. They go out, see/do things, report back on what they find. Scientists do the same, in a way… they try something, see if it works, if it works, great, if it doesn’t, why not? What can we learn about the natural world from the thing working, or not working?

Experiences generate stories, and many guys have trouble on dates or with general socializing because they don’t do much: they watch TV, play video games, scroll social media.  When someone asks, “What have you been up to?” the honest answer is “nothing much.” A better answer is “climbing a mountain” “experimenting with MDMA” “learning how to grow herb using LED lights, come over for dinner some time” “went to a concert with this chick.” A lot of guys struggle with talking to chicks because the guy has nothing interesting to say, because he doesn’t do much, or he hasn’t learn to say it in an interesting way.

* Conversations. Post enough about experiences and you might catch the attention of other interesting people. A chunk of the sex club book came from Nash questions or observations. He wanted to know about jealousy, so a comment turned into a post. XBTUSD has written a group of posts, after he left some intersting comments, and I encouraged him to start a blog of his own… instead he wrote a group of posts about his experiences. He’s asked some questions or made some observations that led me to posts. If you’re having conversations in direct messages, emails, or chat apps, keep an ear open for ideas. Breeze has also precipitated some ideas, especially around drug use (not a specialty of mine but having experimented I understand better why normal guys who get laid partake).  Continue reading “Where do your ideas come from? Doing things, going places”

Women having affairs never make you use a condom

Women having affairs never make you use a condom.

I met Carol in a coffeeshop, where she was reading uncommonly cerebral things for a hot chick. I think I have a pavlovian response to coffeeshops, because I’ve done well in them with picking up chicks. And if I don’t, there’s still the sublime reward of coffee or tea. I’ve never been a mass cold-approach daygamer, although I admire them. Friendly chitchat about her work morphed to a tenuous connection between my girlfriend and similar work. We traded numbers. The four of us had dinner a bunch of times. Normal dinners. Like friends. Except it’s noticed that I like to be friends with the prettier girls… it’s true, but I deny it. Coincidence.

The easiest and most straightforward way to start an affair is to already have a girlfriend, wife, or partner. When you first meet the other woman, she knows you are taken (“taken”). You are not a serious threat, at first, but if you exude sexuality and sexual energy, you will not be a boring herbivore either. Red Pill Dad recently wrote about how, as a young man, he hid his dick and consistently failed to escalate. He had all the makings of a chad thundercock, except the ability to execute and the killer instinct most players have. He wasn’t an herbivore grass-eater, I’d judge, but he made critical mistakes… and those mistakes explain why older guys have a decent shot with many hot young chicks, cause guys their own age lack edge and the ability to escalate into her p***y. I’m not going to write out how to exude sexuality, read the rest of the totality of The Red Quest if you wish to find answers. Sometimes, if you merely keep escalating, you will escalate a compliant but distant girl into bed. Many girls have bad game and make their own mistakes.

The woman knows that bringing around a new single man will make trouble with her man. She usually won’t do that, although if she has a “work husband” or something, she may be willing to consummate that relationship. But another couple… that is a safe, stable arrangement. In chemistry, nature prefers stable arrangements of elements and electrons. In human relationships, single people tend to gravitate together, as do people in relationships, as do people with kids, etc. Many single people in their 30s feel lonely because their friend group has escalated into another phase of life, while they’re still trying to get laid. The mechanics of their relationship change. Their friends’s apartments/houses are child proof, and their friends don’t have the energy. The best way to hang out with those friends is to bring over substantial dinner and don’t demand extensive energy expenditure, because people with kids don’t have it. They have other things, like a fundamentally meaningful life… but not the energy to relentlessly hit the bars. Even a seemingly committed player like Paul Janka can quit the game to pursue fundamental interests.

Continue reading “Women having affairs never make you use a condom”

Breeze gives The Talk

Breeze gives The Talk.” Good for him, and a deft, nuanced discussion about and analysis of this stage in the seduction. 

Breeze is going places. I wouldn’t be surprised if he winds up with a quality girlfriend… but I also wouldn’t be surprised if he plunges into the f**k clubs… he feels like an unwritten book. 

There are smart ideas from Nash in the comments as well. The comments section Breeze hosts is worthwhile. 

How much texting should you do to get the girl? Less than you think

On Red Pill a guy has a post, “Being good at texting won’t get you laid” (the argument is what you’d expect from the title), and the comments have posts from younger guys saying things like,

Gen z girls operate with texting and establishing some kind of banter ESPECIALLY if you havent fucked her yet.

You will defo have to establish some rapport if shes 18-24ish. These girls were born and raised with social media.

Good luck cold approaching them and instantly scheduling a date over text.

Text skills are needed. Not saying be a dancing clown at all but guys here act like its illegal to build a little rapport behind the phone

Or…

I don’t know how old you are guys but I’m 19 years old, generation Z 50% or more of our communication is with text especially girls. You can’t just do what the red pill says and “text for logistics” and succeed most gen Z girls will flake on you if you do that even if you’re good looking because they have so many options you have to build comfort through text.

Having fucked a fair number of gen Z girls (one sample story, and Ms. Slav is Gen Z, and there are some others I haven’t written about…), I don’t think this is particularly true, “most gen Z girls will flake on you if you do that,” because Gen Z girls are still girls… they like fun, interesting, and exciting guys… just like all girls, everywhere, for all time.

If you are the guy doing things and going places, you’re inviting her along for the ride. If she misses the ride, she knows you’re going to be meeting and talking to other girls (and fucking them).

Do things. The time spent “building comfort over text” is better spent doing things, meeting girls, and talking to girls.

The whole frame of “you have to build a lot of comfort over text” is wrong. Continue reading “How much texting should you do to get the girl? Less than you think”

Non-monogamy and polyamory’s dark sides

Bo Winegard tweets,

Educated elites who believe that polyamory can be practiced and enjoyed by most of the population remind me of the math professor who believes differential equations are within the grasp of anyone who makes a serious attempt at learning.

There exists compelling research that normative monogamy is beneficial and leads to myriad positive social externalities.

Polyamory is fine as a niche relationship modality, practiced mostly among the extremely WEIRD [Western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic].

He’s right, particularly regarding people who want real families (a topic we’ll come back to in a moment). Despite what you’ve read here, I buy this Bo Winegard argument… we’re also not willing as a society to have an honest conversation about what’s happening below the IQ median. The people driving the conversation at the top really don’t have any idea what’s happening down there, and choose deliberately not to. They don’t really understand what it’s like to not have the cognitive capacity to get top-end jobs or have the conversations non-monogamous people need if their relationships are going to survive.

Nash follows up with…

“Burning Man style: POLYAMORY is more standard than monogamy. Men get the variety they want. They think sharing their women and it’s a ‘form of love evolution’ (they are no longer jealous), but what is happening is it pretty much destroys most of those relationships.”

“In ‘Burning Man’ it’s fine to take off your clothes and dance around really sexually. If you were at your grandma’s house having dinner (or around children), and you did that, would it ‘open everyone’s heart?’ Or would it create a fiasco? It would create a fiasco.”

Those are from David Deida talks. Deida’s more right than wrong, right now… poly/open is a fiasco in all instances except, basically, as casual sex, which is how I do them. Some light swinging can work too, especially in very long term relationships (that get stale and need some more heat). A very small number of people can really do them as described. Mostly, “poly” and “open” are about rationalizing casual sex (which is how I use it… because it’s a form of normalizing and institutionalizing casual sex for me, I don’t get caught up on the terminology). In that post from two years ago, Nash said, “for me the ‘poly’ community is a fucking mess. I live in CA and I am surrounded by these folks… and it’s an ugly shitshow. I watch guys ‘try’ this all the time, and they are a fucking sad bunch, mostly.” “Mostly” he’s right. The guys doing this at the higher end are also focused on one guy and two women, and they often don’t highly advertise what they’re doing. Most top guys don’t want to advertise what they’re doing. A lot of chicks also don’t want to come out as sharing a guy with another chick. Continue reading “Non-monogamy and polyamory’s dark sides”

Diminishing returns to “learning more game”

There are diminishing returns to “learning more game” or “improving your game.” Average or below-average guys who begin learning game (they improve themselves and their value-delivery mechanism) see rapid improvements. As average guys move away from being average and spend more time with women, they lose their ridiculous views about women and learn that women are people too and have their own set of reproductive, social, and sexual challenges. Women make many mistakes in the dating game, but low-level guys are blind to many of the mistakes, and to many of the feelings women feel.

Once you learn the models, you maximize your own value, you sort out your psychology, you do the things you need to do, you start seeing the results… you will probably run out of room to grow. Male-female polarity is very old. The game is very old. The growth of feminism and changes in birth control have, however, led men to need to discover, or re-discover, game in each generation. Optimal game today is not precisely what optimal game was in 2000 or 1980 or 1948… social media and phones have layered some nuances that didn’t exist then. But the fundamentals remain.

I don’t think there is NOTHING left to discover. There are new ideas left. The big ideas in game, around body, fitness, health, style, male-female polarity, eye-contact, accepting rejection, gentle teasing, escalation, push-pull, hot-cold, demonstrating higher value… I get them. I don’t implement them perfectly and have many f**k ups of my own. New guys need to master them of course.

There are aspects to my game that could be improved. My cold approach is actually not that good. Usually I rely on something observational, which is not always the best way to go. But, like I said, it has been “good enough.” In the last ten years, it’s been pretty rare for me to feel desperate.

This is also why I think I will end up not writing much more here. There are aspects of the game I can improve… but they are not that big and I don’t care much about them. When the skill has been mastered, execution becomes more important than study.

It’s been a while since I’ve been truly surprised by something a woman said or did. Unfortunately, I also have persistent, annoying injuries that prevent me from doing all that I’d like to do in the gym. That shows up in body terms. I’m still above-average, far above-average for my age, but not where I was or could be.