“Tone” and “teasing” are hard to nail

I was reading some of Juggler’s book, which, like BradP’s, is very good, but as I was reading it I kept thinking about how hard things like tone and teasing are to nail. So many little things comprise “tone”… micro-expressions, micro-aspects of body language, subtle parts of the voice’s timbre… all these things matter, and should be put together effectively, for a guy to succeed. The number of romantically ineffective guys out there shows that this isn’t happening, despite the knowledge of how to make it happen being widely available. Juggler says, “I used to smile wrong. I would spot an attractive woman, make eye contact with her and then smile full-tilt. My expression jumped from dour to grinning in a split second. This came across as forced and awkward and kept me celibate for years.” I doubt it was only the smile that kept Juggler “celibate for years,” but I’m sure it contributed… people, particularly women, are highly attuned to interpersonal vibe, and highly attuned to people whose vibes are “off” somehow, as many guys’s are… we get many years of schooling in math, reading, etc., and almost no formal schooling in how to interact with other people.

Continue reading ““Tone” and “teasing” are hard to nail”