I don’t tell other guys what to do. Personality traits and dating

I don’t tell other guys what to do, unless they ask (or unless, in a business setting, I’m paying them)… even if they do ask, I aim to set up the problem space and the principles involved, then let them decide for themselves. There’s some divergence between me and other other guys on topics (example), and that’s fine…. read me, read them, decide for yourself. The basic principles of game and seduction are well established and if you want to ignore them, do it. I’m writing about my experiences and observations… maybe they’ll work for you… maybe not… I have said to guys privately, “Assume everything I write is bullshit and try it out for yourself.” What I do isn’t for everyone… we all have different preferences, life experiences, big five personality traits, etc. What is right for me may not be right for you, or for other guys. I’m just talking about what I’ve found… and how I’ve organized it and what some of the underlying principles are, or seem to be. I also don’t have the energy for online combat… it’s largely pointless… if other guys want to do other things, good, go do them… that is fine. Experience teaches best.

I will argue that most guys don’t understand what is possible, for the right guy, and most guys don’t know s**t about women. The stories are about what’s possible. We’re social learners and I don’t think most guys get how deep the rabbit hole goes.

In terms of five-factor personality, I am pretty open to experience, as regular readers will understand. My conscientious is strongly bifurcated… I am super conscientious in many respects, but also very easy going and careless in others… this could be unusual. I’m not sure. Extraversion is similar… I need to time to recharge from social experiences but I am also capable of managing social experiences, like all players must be. I can be agreeable in some ways, especially in social circumstances, but I have also read How To Win Friends and Influence People, and head-on disagreement rarely solves or improves anything. To change a person’s view, come at the views via indirect angles that slowly change foundations over time. Direct disagreeability is usually counterproductive. Status/coolness first, THEN evangelize for whatever the thing is. I’m low neuroticism… no surprise there… many women are highly neurotic, and I calm them down well.

New Year’s Eve

“My friend is having a New Year’s party. Maybe we should go to that instead.”

“Have you been to his parties before?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s it like?”

“It’s fun.”

“Is it a dozen people standing around drinking and awkwardly eyeing each other up, only to have none of them go home with each other at the end?”

“Haha.”

“Like I said, we can go to the sex party, where instead of people wondering what everyone looks like naked, they can find out for themselves. You’ve liked the things we’ve gone to, right?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Right. So I have to give them money towards the hotel, so if we’re going to agree to do this, we need to do this.”

“Okay. I feel bad because usually I hang out with [the usual friends.]”

“That’s okay. I don’t think your friends are down for this, but ‘Melissa’ might be. You can talk to her about it if you want.”

“Haha, okay.”

This is something like “soft leadership:” redirecting the energy of the conversation toward the right end. I also HATE most NYE parties, because they are either in loud, overpriced clubs/bars or they’re groups of people standing around holding champagne wondering where their lives are going.

You don’t get to the best places by doing what everyone else does. You get to better places by working smarter and harder than other people, and then exploiting market inefficiencies. Sometimes that means doing nothing. It means saying no and NOT doing what everyone else does. Some of my best NYEs have been alone or with one person. The worst have been in large crowds and being alone in the mass.

This kind of thing (group sex) isn’t for everyone (I know that and get feedback from guys who think group sex is disgusting. Fine with me. Lots of girls fantasize about it. I have a longer post about RP and it… for now this post covers some of the material). But I find it much more satisfying and interesting than typical NYE status jockeying.

Like a lot of girls, Bike Girl has two – three actual friends and a bunch of people she sometimes hangs out with who are her “friends.” Those straight male “friends” just want to nail her, except for one guy who is enough of a player to not care much. Also like most girls, she has no idea what she really wants and thus will conform to the people she’s around.

When I was younger I was hesitant to lead because I didn’t want to be the boss or boss people around. Now I realize that I’d picked up poor notions of leadership from the larger culture. Leadership is much subtler and it means being willing to make things happen, being willing to negotiate, and perhaps most importantly having a direction to go.

Most people have no direction, so them leading anywhere is impossible.

“Come on, let’s do x,” is a powerful force.