Art and music event: Ran into that guy again, and other game things

Last night I dragged myself to a kind of art and music insider event (hard to describe it precisely, but it overlaps with the non-monogamy community), and there was… the guy I nicknamed The Bitch,

While we’re talking, the guy who I describe in this story and this one is also there. He turns out to be a bitch, so I’m going to call him The Bitch. The Bitch and I had some rapport before the Ms. Slav thing, but he now hates me. At the party, early on, I nod at him and say hi, and he says nothing back and looks away.

I guess we’re okay now, because we arrived at the same time and had this moment where we were eyeing each other, deciding whether to renew hostilities or not, and I just smiled and treated him normally. So maybe I was overly dramatic in the description. I’m still not a fan of him, but we’re likely to keep running into each other.

The event was way too loud, but I felt like I needed to keep up community status by making an appearance. I furiously hit on a thin, hot chick who had her big tits prominently displayed in a low-cut top; lots of good laughter, banter, etc. but then she denied the number. I went a little more direct in getting it by saying we should get a drink, rather than cloaking intent in future event planning. Later in the night, The Bitch was flirting with her and DID seem to get the number. Not 100% sure, though it seemed like it. Also flirted some with a chick who is pretty new (and hot), though she likes some kind of death metal techno music (don’t recall the specifics of it, but it sounded stupid to me) and I collected the email. Felt a bit on autopilot throughout. Tiredness and previous oversocializing held me back.

I had a break from Ms. Slav while traveling, but the last week has been tiring. I’m a bit socially exhausted and, despite Ms. Slav’s bad behavior, I’d like to keep her in the fold. I’m not sure whether she has an IUD yet or not, but I’m going to keep wrapping it up with her because she is f**king around enough that she is going to have a problem sooner or later. This is not always a popular view online, but I feel like I don’t don’t properly bond with a chick unless we’re bare and I finish in her. I actually think most girls feel similarly.

As for the break, it’s been longer than the traveling… Ms. Slav cancelled a date like an hour before we were supposed to meet, so I went silent for about a week, maybe a little more, then f**ked her right before I left on a trip. It seems like she is now worried about losing me… which is a nice position, but maybe with the wrong girl.

Ms. Slav has a new girlfriend from school, and I would LOVE to get that threesome. But I’m taking it very slowly and circuitously. Less is more. The threesome action w/ Home Friend happened due to patience on my part. Ms. Slav definitively rejected The Bitch in part because of his impatience. He pushed too hard at an event, and that turned her off enough for her to cut him off.

Calibration is such a tricky skill: knowing when to push and when to pull back. Knowing how to leave the girl enough plausible deniability. Knowing how to propose a proposition without it seeming forced. These skills are very hard to articulate. That’s another reason so many online questions from guys are difficult to answer… there is so much calibration and information available from real life, that gets stripped away in online questions and reports. Some of the principles are easy to articulate (raise your value, raise your value delivery mechanism, show your masculinity, think about the law of reciprocation), but getting them appropriately integrated into a given situation… so much tougher. So much more delicate. I think that is why I tend to write long posts, and why I wrote the book… it’s not possible to fully describe what’s happening in a small number of words. Sometimes it is, like when a girl is into you and makes the bang easy, or when a girl isn’t into you and rejects you solidly.

I also hate to sound like a chick, but I am trying to get a little bit more in touch with my own feelings around how I should direct my life. My work life is going pretty well. I’m trying to figure out where my love/sex life should go. Especially as I consider booting up conventional online dating for the first time in a couple years. Non-monogamous online dating has a different set of assumptions embedded in it.

What else… at the yoga studio I go to, a chick with a fiancé (who I met briefly) has been oddly flirty. She’s also a pothead. May try to make a move there. She seems about late 20s / early 30s, low 7. Another chick is much older and moving from student to teacher… I think she’s 40, maybe early 40s, and yet I find myself strangely attracted to her. She’s very slender and a former dancer. Me feeling attracted to her also makes no sense, yet I feel it.

I’ve not had much success at gyms or, recently, yoga studios, in part because I am wary of soiling the atmosphere at places I go regularly and in part because I haven’t, for whatever reason. But there is no intrinsic reason I can discern why this should be so. At yoga studios most people don’t seem to talk to each other, which I find strange… so I make a point of doing chitchat where and when possible. Just little feelers to see who might respond. The pothead responds to them, as does the older woman who is moving into an instructor role.

Come to think of it, that chitchat from the gym did lead to a short bang with a very pretty blonde girl a couple years ago. I should write out that story at some point. I’d mostly forgotten about the girl.

I’m supposed to see Ms. Slav tonight but apart from that I hope to read books and go out for coffee and go to the gym this weekend and not much else.

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Cleaning house after the death: de-clutter and live your experience

I have a somewhat different view of physical objects and possessions than most people I know, maybe because I’ve been involved in cleaning out the houses of dead elderly relatives. I try to do a kind of minimalism. If an object is not being used regularly, I get rid of it. If I can replace a larger object with a smaller one, I try to do that (like moving from a DSLR camera to a mirrorless camera… some of you may protest that I can just use a phone, but I can’t, not while retaining anything like the image and video quality I desire and you should desire). As a person accumulates more stuff, he stops owning the stuff and the stuff starts owning him. I have written before that some of the best sex I’ve had and done occurred in a small studio apartment that had a bed, a couple of pots, some books, a desk, a computer, and not much else. Chicks would remark on the spartan decor after I’d f**ked them a few times. Sometimes the first time. I’d shrug and talk about how experiences are more valuable than possessions. The less you have, the more mobile you are.

About the dead relatives. Apart from cash and some sentimental photos, pretty much nothing they had was valuable. Their art that showcased their super-important taste and personalities… the carefully chosen furniture that had gone out of date and smelled like old people… their weird collections… it got trashed because it wasn’t of any real value. The person who died imagined its value, and their imaginary value died with them. It had meaning to the person who owned it, not to the other people. The advent of eBay and Amazon have made these problems even more acute. Turns out that most “antiques… ” no one gives a shit about them. A “collector’s item” is just a marketing ploy. People collect experiences, unique states of mind… those are the things that matter. What you can do matters. What you can do to make the world a better place matters. What you have, it doesn’t, except to you. Most chicks won’t be that impressed with it.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t get attached to stuff. Only think about what stuff does for you and how it enables you to live your best life. Too much stuff makes you immobile. Get rid of it. Read Marie Kondo. Focus on the game. Realize most women don’t care much about your stuff. They care about YOU.

Marie Kondo is big in the culture right now. I’m sure some of you are like, “A CHICK? I can’t listen to a CHICK.” In which case you have become like some of the feminists you claim to dislike. Anyway, point is that she has a book, now she has Netflix show, and it’s for a good reason. Most people have way too much shit.

That’s one mistake I haven’t made. I’ve made lots of mistakes.

Life is short. It’s a cliche but it’s also true. I didn’t appreciate that in my teens and 20s, like most people that age. The older you get, the more people you see die, the more real this becomes. It’s part of the reason I think guys age 35 – 40 start to want to have kids… you realize that you really are a temporary, transient phenomenon and you want to “pass the torch.” I feel grateful for a lot of what my family has done for me… it’s important to pass that on. One thing I’m hesitant about in the pickup / RP worlds is that a lot of guys seem to be filled with hate, with conniving, with a desire to con other people. I don’t feel that way. I don’t want to let other, unrelated people sap my value, but I also want to make the most of existence and to let other people exist too. Having more stuff, it doesn’t make your life better. It’s just encumbrances.

I see guys, they focus on how this couch or this piece of clothing or this other thing will help them get laid, and it doesn’t. Worst of all, I see them get married, try to give the wife the big house in the nice neighborhood… it doesn’t matter. In the divorce, she’ll keep it anyway. The right thing to do is buy less than you can afford… to think about what really matters in life… to make the most of what you already have. So few guys get here. So few guys understand that the woman doesn’t want his stuff, she wants him, and what his stuff is doesn’t really matter. It should be clean, and he should have a good space to f**k her in, beyond that it doesn’t matter.

The idea that we should horde stuff is a holdover from evolutionary history when stuff was rare and valuable. It’s a holdover from childhood, when more was better (because kids are stupid). It’s not a useful belief for employed adults. The desire for stuff lets us fall prey to marketers. This is a point in Geoffrey Miller, Spent: Sex, Evolution, and Consumer Behavior, a book everyone but especially guys in the game should read. The #1 way marketers sell stuff is by implying that it will improve your sex life. In fact, most physical stuff will not improve your sex life. Instead of being convinced that stuff will improve your sex life, skip straight to the things that will actually improve your sex life, that have been described here many times and that are available in the links in the sidebar. Having a good body, a good mind, a mission in life, and real skills are 100x more attractive to most women than having a lot of money or a lot of stuff. Stuff is clutter that one day someone like me is going to have to go through and junk.

Female “friends:” the comprehensive statement.

Experienced guys can quit this post right now, as it’s about an obvious topic, so you don’t need to read it. But it comes up with such frequency online that I want one, comprehensive discussion of it.

A guy on Reddit says, “Anyone else find themselves increasingly distant from female ‘friends’?”

Those scare quotes around “friends” are good. The guy goes on, “Have you guys also found it more and more difficult to have girls around who are only friends? I struggle to see how other guys have girls around only as friends (unless they’re ugly).” He’s right. If a guy is around a girl he finds attractive, he should make a move on her within the first week of meeting. Maybe slightly longer in some situations, like if they go to school together and will be forced into a lot of proximity.

One of the commenters said something smart,

Almost none of those women you call “friends” are friends, in the sense that they are loyal, caring, trusted people in your life. They are people who know you, and may occasionally hang out with you.

But you would be less than nothing to them the instant you start to be a social drag on them. Most people are that way, so it is not necessarily a woman thing. It is just that, in my experience, very few men are any good at being a friend, and almost no women are.

As a young and stupid guy, I liked being “friends” with hot chicks because it meant I hadn’t yet been told, definitively, “no.” So I would grind away much of that initial attraction, if any existed at all, by hanging around the hot chick and not making a move. I achieved a paradoxical situation: I found it very easy to lay out girls I was a little bit attracted to, but very hard to get with chicks I was highly attracted to. With chicks I was a little attractive to, I would do almost perfect push-pull, hot-cold game, without knowing what I was doing. I genuinely didn’t care, so I’d run great game and generate loads of attraction. With girls I was attracted to, I’d simultaneously supplicate and avoid making a move.

With girls I was a little bit attracted to, I was an unconscious game expert, dribbling out just the right amount of attention to hook her. I wasn’t very concerned about how good I was in bed, which made me better in bed because I wasn’t worried and became focused on the moment.

With hot girls, girls I thought were truly “top tier” (a stupid thought), I would do the opposite: timid, scared to make the move, worried about offending her, worried about being told “no.” It took me too long to realize that “no” is great. When I hear a firm “no,” I can give up on that girl and go find a girl to say “yes.” A firm “no” from a chick who means it is actually advantageous to guys.

To guys who are into smashing hot chicks, that is. To guys who are afraid of being rejected, “no” hurts. Most guys who are attracted to their female “friends” aren’t friends. They are too scared to make a move. They are better off making the move, getting to “no,” and then moving on.

I also hadn’t realized that, if I’m not f**king her, chances are that someone else is. Most chicks are being f**ked by someone. Hot chicks, medium chicks, even a lot of ugly chicks. If that hot chick is going to f**k someone, it might as well be me. I wish I had internalized that concept at a much younger age.

When a guy propositions a girl for sex or starts kissing her and she says no, he doesn’t need to make a big deal about it. In fact, the less big a deal he makes, the better. She has been honest with him, and that is good. He doesn’t have to have a “friend breakup” talk. He just needs to direct his attention in more useful directions. Stop texting her, stop the unsolicited contacts. If you see her around, say hi and be cordial. Just don’t increase intimacy. Don’t do one-on-one hangouts. When you find a girl you can bang, you won’t remember why you had it for some girl you couldn’t. You’ll naturally lose interest in the unavailable chicks, because you’re too busy being deep in a chick who is available.

Friendship also thrives on mutual interests. For a lot of guys, their female “friends” are girls they’d really like to fuck. Remove the horny from the situation, or realize that you’re not going to fuck her, and what’s the basis left for the friendship?

Right.

Your time is finite 

Every guy has 16 waking hours in the day. Time spent with female “friends” is usually not time spent getting laid or being in the gym or hitting on chicks or otherwise improving his life. Most guys who are “friends” with hot girls, are merely providing value to the girl while getting nothing in return. If the guy demands equal value in return, the girl hops to the next male “friend.” This kind of behavior becomes bad for women over time, as older women will eventually lose the beta males who provide this guy of free attention, but for women in their teens and well into their late 20s, using one kind of guy for attention and validation and another kind of guy for sex is common.

Telling a 20-year-old-girl that she won’t be able to get away with this when she’s 34 is not going to work or mean anything to her.

In my last two years of school, I got in with a couple of party girls who’d get tons of party invites, and, although I wanted to f**k them, they were genuinely good sources of other leads. I’ve seen guys say, “But girls look at me differently when I’m out with a hot girl!” But do you bang those girls? Putting your dick inside a girl is the real test of anything related to the game, like profit and revenue are the true tests in business. In business, many people will say, “Oh that sounds like a cool product / service.” Do they pay for it? Then they mean it. Do they think someone else might pay for it? Then they do not. Talk is cheap.

Being “friends” with a hot girl seems to get most guys very few lays, from what I can tell. Yes, it might be easier to get warm intros, but most of the time a hot girl trying to pass off her male “friends” to other chicks is not going to succeed. Other girls are like, “If he’s so great, why aren’t you dating him?”

Exactly.

With those two girls towards the end of school, I wanted to bang them, but I didn’t… and I didn’t care that much. This was a rare circumstance where being the hot girl’s friend led to me getting laid. But by then, I’d also gotten used to meeting chicks and escalating. Meeting chicks at college parties is the easiest thing in the world. Eventually I started dating one, and that was around the time I really got over my fear of “no.”

Anyone who is old enough will remember ladder theory from the earlier days of the Internet. It’s kind of stupid but gets the basic idea that women by and large put men into two categories, one for potential sex and one for everything else, including “friendship.” Men mostly want women for sex. I have very some female friends, but they’re women I’ve either had sex with before or don’t want to have sex with. If a guy genuinely doesn’t want to have sex with a woman… and she brings genuine skills or insight to the table… then being friends is fine. Being friends because you don’t have the balls to try and f**k her is bullshit.

Weak ties and random reinforcement schedules 

Despite all that, I’m not opposed to guys having loose connections with, or to, attractive women in relationships. Most guys figure out that chicks keep a stable of possible boyfriend alternatives in silent reserve (high-quality guys learn to do the same thing). When a chick is ready to leave boyfriend #1, or when she gets dumped by him, she’ll often leap, or “branch swing,” to a new guy. So it’s not a terrible idea to put yourself in place to be that new guy.

Thing is, you don’t need to spend hours and hours with a chick to be that guy. Being cordial to her when you see her is enough. A very occasional coffee. You can invite her to stuff you’re already planning to do, like going to the gym or a (normal) party / drinks. A little time goes a long way. If she’s hot and has a boyfriend she won’t cheat on, you can position yourself to be next in line. But “less is more” in this situation, and if you get too close to her you’ll be a feminized “I see you as a brother” friend.

This kind of weak-tie situation is not a total time suck and it might not be a total waste of time. You can cultivate a lot of weak ties without a lot of time spent. These strategies shouldn’t be part of your primary effort to get chicks, but it can be part of the background effort. Some hot chicks spend very little time being single, just like high-quality guys. They have backups in mind. It isn’t terrible to have a weak tie with a hot chick, so that when her breakup hits, you can hit her up for a drink, even as most of your mating energy goes into finding, cultivating, and banging new chicks.

Remember that chicks also like social proof. If a weak-tie chick sees you banging hotties, she’ll know that you’re in the hottie-banging business and will hit you up for that service when she’s ready. If she sees you desperate for her, desperate for what she’s not going to give you, you’re demonstrating lower value and turning her off.

For guys who moan about their time in the “friend zone,” they usually spend hours and hours with an attractive chick, not realizing that all those hours are just decreasing his overall attractiveness. A little distance and mystery will do more for him than being her emotional tampon. It seems that some guys think “Don’t cultivate women you find super attracted as close friends” means that you have to rude to women, or cut them out entirely. You don’t, not necessarily. But they should not be a primary social outlet for you. They should at most be a secondary or tertiary social outlet.

Social media thrives on random reinforcement schedules:

We begin with the first force: intermittent positive reinforcement. Scientists have known since Michael Zeiler’s famous pecking pigeon experiments from the 1970s that rewards delivered unpredictably are far more enticing than those delivered with a known pattern. Something about unpredictability releases more dopamine…. Technology companies, of course, recognize the power of this unpredictable positive feedback hook and tweak their products with it in mind to make their appeal even stronger.

(This is also why you should avoid social media.)

So: if you’re going to be in loose contact with that hot chick, be intermittent. You don’t need to reply to her right away. You’re a busy guy. You don’t need to view her stories or whatever. Maybe you’ll shoot her an occasional message to get a coffee, a drink, hit the gym together, etc. But keep it very occasional.

One theme of this blog is that different strands and techniques in game feed into each other. Work enough strands and something will come through. Plus, work enough strands and they’ll work together to make a rope. One strand is weak. Several together can be strong.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve observed some of the “friend zone” in reverse, in which women will maintain friendships with men in hopes of getting the man to invest in her fat self and especially her fatherless children. This isn’t a great look for the woman, and it reflects the way male sexual value frequently peaks later than female sexual value. It seems that younger guys have problems with female friends, and older guys learn 1. what true friendship is, 2. not to hide our dicks, and 3. if she isn’t f**king me, she probably isn’t important to me.

With all that context, however, it’s possible for high-value guys to have female friends, if they’re already getting all the sex they want from other sources. I have (had? can’t tell right now) a lover nicknamed Ms. Slav, and I would not be surprised if we shift towards a friend/mentor role. I like her in a lot of ways, but I have other lovers who are in some ways more compatible than she is. The age gap, combined with her interests and proclivities, mean that we might not be suitable as lovers. Like the girls I knew at the end of college, she is an interesting person AND I am getting about as much sex as I want, so we wouldn’t be “friends” with me quietly hoping she comes around to sex with me. We’ve already been lovers, and I’m not accepting a fake “friendship” as a second- or third-best option.

In my own life, the highest-value guys have very rarely had problems with “the friend zone.” If a chick won’t f**k them, they move on. Lower-value guys should do the same thing. Attention is the only tool modern guys have, and most guys waste it. No guy needs to be rude to a woman who rejects him, so it’s not like he can never say hi when she passes on the street, but he should withdraw attention. She’s not his friend. We all have internal mechanisms that make us want to lie to ourselves about all sorts of things. Being true to yourself and accepting the Red Pill is about not lying to yourself. When you don’t lie, you can assess your own weaknesses, assess how to fix them, and assess what you really want (as opposed to what you think you’re supposed to want). You may not entirely know what you want, or you may have multiple, conflicting desires. I have that problem right now. But I also acknowledge it and am aware of it. Not all problems can be solved. The female “friend” problem? That one’s easy to solve.

Most women also make for terrible friends. There are exceptions, of course, but most guys with female “friends” are lying to themselves about what’s really going on.

Sin City as a temporary escape

In a couple days I’m leaving for Vegas, partly for work and partly to see family, and I’m actually looking forward to the respite from Ms. Slav, Peaches, Ms. Slav’s hot young friend, and the other things I’ve been up to. I feel like I need to keep up with Ms. Slav as best I can, which is not sufficient. Normal people go to Vegas to party, but it seems I am going to recuperate.

As a city for pickup artists, Vegas seems interesting, being far less expensive than California, New York, or Chicago, but also having many tourists who allow the waters to constantly be replenished. I’ve also heard good things about sex clubs there, but I don’t have the experience to comment on them.

Artists thrive in cities with low rents. Many guys in big cities like New York are going to be forced to work very hard to survive and pay rent, forcing them to spend less time on the hunt. For some that is okay (I have prioritized career over the game, to an extent), but for some guys it is not a good lifestyle decision. Does Vegas offer low rent with a target-rich environment? It seems like it might.

I considered attempting to bring Ms. Slav with me on this trip, but I need the break. At home, I feel like I’m in a tornado. If I stop, though, I feel like the whole thing will breakdown. Maybe I need that breakdown, in order to find out where I need to go next. I read a cool post from Troy Francis, “Game Is No Longer Dirty Enough,” and that is probably true for most guys. For me, game has been plenty dirty. But I feel like I’ve had an ingrained set of responses around chasing women for sex, and while that’s been fantastic, I too often feel like a machine doing it because that’s how I’ve oriented my life. Where is the alternative, though?

The Friendship That Made Google Huge” is a story about two men who, together, have produced a staggering amount of value for humanity. Thousands of times more value than I have. They have gotten laid far less than me, of course, but I admire those kinds of accomplishments more than I used to. I don’t want to be those guys (they probably don’t want to be me), but I have been thinking about what value to humanity more than I used to.

Disagree but be smart about it

I’m happy with intelligent disagreement, as I’ve mentioned before.

The need for intelligent disagreement may be why I’m not very into most Twitter, which seems to encourage the worst in most people, while being too short to be useful as a medium to exchange deep ideas.

It’s sort of like with game advice. I don’t think debating most game advice is very interesting. Hear the advice, go apply it on the streets and in your relationship. Does it work? Keep it. Does it not? Tweak it. Or jettison it. Figure it out for yourself.

I don’t really reply to game haters online, to the extent I see them. Game is about getting what you want out of your life and social relationships. It’s about understanding how women work and think and how to apply that knowledge. For guys who are utterly happy in their life and social relationships, I guess they don’t need game. Guys who are not getting what they want, need game. The ones who need and reject it are most strange to me.

I try to discern what is real and what is fake. Game appears real. So does evolutionary biology (game takes evolutionary biology and applies it to modern social relationships). That is my ideology. Try to understand what is real and true to the best of my abilities.

I know most people who learn of game will never put in the practice to make it work. That’s fine. Most people don’t put the effort into anything. It shows in the quality of their lives.

Try my best to make the world a more joyful place (game does this… women want to be seduced by hot guys).

I don’t like writing about political issues very much because those issues activate partisan identities that shut down learning. Framing an issue as political impairs the reasoning ability of liberals and conservatives. The end result of arguing about political issues is… more argument. By contrast, in fields that have learning and immediate consequences, it’s possible to learn. If a guy learns game, he bangs more hot chicks. He can then tell other guys what worked and what didn’t. If a guy learns data structures and algorithms, he can program a computer to do what he wants it to do. Politics doesn’t have that immediate feedback loop. Not national politics. Maybe some hyper-local politics have that feedback loop.

Moderation is on for this blog, but I approve non-stupid, non-asshole comments. My audience is small enough that I don’t attract haters or trolls.

The best disagreement addresses the substance of the disagreement; the worst is usually name calling, followed by ad-hominem attack, but even the best of us can slip in that direction. Let’s try not to do that.

In business, management is a truly hard problem. It requires listening to criticism, processing it, and being able to use, transform, or discard it. Most people can’t get past their emotional first reactions and into judging the substance of disagreement, taking into account all that is known about the problem area. Few people can do this. Those who can, and who can keep their egos in check during the search for the greater good, often thrive. This is a specialized application of the “disagree, but be smart about it” worldview. Amazon codifies this strategy as “disagree and commit.” Almost every business should adopt this ethos, but few do. How far could we get if we could get our own egos out of the way?

Age and players

A while ago Nash wrote,

>>Even if I never again crack open the thighs of a teenage girl, I think I will fuck many more young-20s girls (I’ve fucked a few already in 2018).

Nailing a teenage girl is great for the ego and psychology of an older guy but otherwise overrated (in my view). Ego and psychology boost are great, of course. On average, though, teens are flightier, more boring, and more anxious than girls who are even 20 or 21 and a bit more used to the world of normal sexual interaction and male attention. To be sure, some late teens are psychologically adult. Fewer, it seems, in this generation than in previous ones. It looks like too much time on the phone has stunted the social and psychological development of many teens.

If you’re going to nail chicks that young it is also probably a good idea to hang out near universities. There literally aren’t that many 17 – 19 year old girls around (I list “17” depending on age of consent in a guy’s state/country), so if a guy really wants to go that route, it helps to go where they are.

In my own life, I don’t notice the differences between hot 19 and 23 year olds, and I don’t have so much skirt on hand that I spend a lot of time thinking about the gap. Is she hot? Then I try to bang her. I don’t target tightly by age.

The real important question for a guy in his 40s is about his life. Does he have kids already? Want them? If he wants them, preferably with a sane woman, that should be in the background of his mind. He can easily master the daygame skillset, then have kids, but reality is what it is and a guy’s options for kids will narrow somewhat as he gets older.

I just read, “One of the most important life lessons: if you have no children, the last third of your life will be filled with increasing death. If you have children, the last of your life will be filled with increasing life. Choose wisely.” Most 50+ guys don’t seem to be most obsessed with clacking skirt… they seem most interested in their families. This is not the “last word,” and I’m not and never will be a guy to announce that chasing skirt is somehow meaningless.

Priorities do change. I have seen lots of guys who fucked off in their 20s and 30s suffer for it age 35+, when they have no good jobs, no good community, and few good options. Maybe age 18 – 28 was a wild ride, but then things suck. Some guys who are age 40 may be doing that to themselves. By age 55 or 60 they may want the family they were too busy to have. Will they be 60 and still chasing skirt? Could be.

I think a lot of guys need to get the skirt-chasing out of the way. I’d guess that means a minimum of 30 bangs, maybe 50. At some point diminishing returns likely kick in.

I can’t speak for all guys. Every guy’s situation is different. I’m merely trying to think things through.

When the problem is not the problem

Remember the girl I had to cut loose? I got a text from her saying that her roommate moved out without telling her, and that she’s looking for someone, almost anyone, to fill her place. While she doesn’t live in a terrible location, she doesn’t live in a great one, either, and in my view is likely overpaying for her apartment. This girl also has a bunch of self-imposed financial problems that make no sense, but she’s a girl and doesn’t know shit about money, even the obvious parts of money, like “spend less than you earn.” She has an okay job, although she should have left it at least a year ago. Remember that in modern corporate America, you should probably be changing jobs every 18 – 24 months, contrary to what your parents and older relatives may tell you.

The problem with her (I’ll call her Roommate Girl) is not the roommate who suddenly moved out without warning. It’s her. And she’s not addressing her core problems, psychological, financial or otherwise. While many of her problems are superficially external and outside of her control (she cannot control another girl), the root of Roommate Girl’s problems are within. Her drug issue, which affects the rest of her life, despite the fact that the drug is prescribed. Her doctrinaire, New York Times feminism, which I find one of her least attractive traits despite me mostly ignoring it, comes from inside her. There are other problems too. She went to an expensive college and took out student loans to pay for it.

Before you think this is about women, it’s not. It’s about guys, too, because most of them have the same issues as Roommate Girl. They externalize problems that exist within them. That’s one reason, a major reason, most guys do poorly with women. For a lot of guys, game starts as a set of superficial tricks to get laid. But if a guy does it to fullness, it becomes a total psychological and often physical revolution. For a lot of guys who don’t come in with a strong personality, it’s necessary to fix everything. That is the Krauser point in reveal vs. restructure, a post I keep linking to because it is very good. When a guy’s internal psychology and external actions are wise and congruent, game doesn’t become easy, necessarily. I don’t think it’s ever been easy for me, and I’m rocking a lot of advantages that most guys who write about game aren’t. But getting laid comes, if not easily, then much more directly than it does otherwise. Having one chick or a group of chicks on hand also makes getting the next one easier.

All the problems in a person’s life are typically linked together. Often, those problems have their roots in childhood. Being an adult means taking responsibility for problems that you yourself may not have caused. Roommate Girl has failed to do that and as a result she is suffering from many disparate problems that seem unrelated but start inside her.

These kinds of people often don’t reveal themselves at first glance. Roommate Girl presents extremely well. She intimidates a lot of men. As I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve seen through the facade. Her longest relationship lasted three years, and I don’t know how it lasted that long. I suspect the guy was a pretty weak and dramatic beta dude. Whatever the case, I feel bad for Roommate Girl, but she is also not the kind of person who is going to figure herself out.