“The mom having an affair because her husband did first”

The Brooklyn Mom Having an Affair Because Her Husband Had One First. This piece illustrates the dangers of affairs and non-monogamy. I see guys online suggesting that it’s okay for a guy to have a quiet side piece while his main woman cares for the kids and runs the house.

That is of course possible. For a few guys, feasible. For most guys, not much…. requires too much money, time, dedication, etc. Too easy to get caught today.

If you do it, she will likely want to do it too. And when she does it, this can lead to alienation of affection as well as paternity uncertainty. If the guy in this story thinks the next kid in his, well, he might be wrong.

Continue reading ““The mom having an affair because her husband did first””

Tough conversations. Downside of being known as a player

Tough conversations this weekend. I’m having some challenges making some of the changes I want to make, and I am suffering some right now because I have been a player for a long time and have a player reputation and a lot of player instincts. The player instincts don’t serve me well in trying to develop a longer-term relationship with a woman who has a more secure attachment style and who knows what she wants.

A word on reputation and what chicks are looking for. Players tend to filter out family-oriented chicks. TD Daygame has been talking about this on Twitter, although I don’t think he has a blog anymore, so I can’t link a canonical post on the subject. But chicks who want monogamy and families do exist…. they are the ones who are not intersted in guys who give off player vibes. Some of them are also very pretty. You can tell who they are because they usually have a small number of lifetime sex partners, usually don’t have sex immediately, and typically find guys who are attractive, have their shit together, and are career-oriented. Extremely sexually adventurous chicks make for interesting and fun stories… extremely family-oriented chicks don’t, usually. I am thinking of two chicks in particular I know who were (and are) very pretty and followed this pattern. Often they will compromise somewhat on looks and extroversion to get family-oriented and monogamous. They often find long-term guys in their 20s and often work jobs that give them access to guys with good earnings and family orientation.

Obviously there are many family-oriented, mostly monogamous chicks who will have one or two flings in their lives… if you catch them at the right time with the right game you may get with one of them. But for the most part these chicks keep their wilder impulses under control and filter guys for being better dads and providers. If a woman is looking for this she is not going to like players or guys who signal player. This is the kind of woman who, if you cold approach her, will say “no” and move on. She’s probably never been on Tinder or, if she has, she quit it in disgust. She’s not doing the things all the Red Pill guys complain about in sexually active women, but she’s also looking for a guy commensurate to her in value, so low value guys are going to be just about sexually invisible to her. I think a lot of online Red Pill guys are low value and thrashing about women because it’s almost impossible to overcome being low value, kind of like fat chicks complaining about men. For fat chicks, their number one problem in accessing higher-value men is being fat, and pretty much nothing they do without changing their diets and movement habits will improve their situation.

Reputation matters and chicks are going to judge you on, like you judge them on it (if you know them). Continue reading “Tough conversations. Downside of being known as a player”

Ghetto-world girls #1, Shannon

In honor of me discussing ghetto dysfunction, the story of Shannon… she was from online, many years ago, right before I met Libido Girl, if I am remembering right, but after I had discovered that online dating worked (back then). The world has changed and now conventional online dating seems to fail, meaning that daygame is essential. I was also meeting some chicks at business/networking conferences, and it looks like those could still work decently well today.

This girl Shannon came out on a date quickly, after some chat on IM (a long time ago, like I said). It was a pretty late night date, which made me optimistic. We drank a bottle of wine outside… I thought she’d be an easy lay. She had to pick up a phone call… again, that long ago… and I remember telling her to leave the guy in voicemail and make out with me instead. While she talked I kissed her neck and when she finished we kissed for real. Most first kisses are not memorable… for some reason this one was. Despite her being a smoker I really liked kissing her. With some chicks a bit of kissing really gets me going, while with others it can take me a long time to get into the moment. In the teens and 20s I could get into almost any chick if she’s hot and willing enough… now I am a bit more particular… with chicks, with friends, etc. For younger guys I’m an advocate of gaining experience with chicks who are okay but might not be ideal, because that experience can be leveraged with the girls you really want later on. Just like how almost no one starts in their dream job, but experience gained in the early jobs are necessary to make the later, good jobs happen. Every so often someone manages to start their own company or otherwise get into the ideal situation fast, but that’s super rare, like a guy who just stumbles right into banging the hottest chicks with minimal effort. Plan for the normal route while being able to adapt to the fast route, if the fast route is available.

Shannon liked guys with my body type (said as much), so I think that’s where her attraction came from. The first night I thought she was going home with me but she didn’t, and I took her home. We made plans to see each other the next night. Same thing, same place, same wine, took me a long time to get her naked once we were home (later I realized she was playing for time). I very stupidly got drunk and raw dogged her right off. A stupid thing to do, and I have managed to wander through a bunch of land-mine fields without getting my leg blown off, miraculously. In the moment I have a bad “think with my dick” problem that I do not recommend to other guys… but here I am.

Christ… she was hot… but also liked to stay up to 3 a.m. every night, because of whatever reason. She was white, but totally ghetto trash. I kept seeing her a lot more than I should have… we had good f**king, but also a lot of scheduling conflicts. She was not as dumb as I would have expected but lacked education or desire to educate herself. She is the kind of girl who today would be lost in her phone 6+ hours a day, and then when I wanted to read after sex or when we were just hanging out, she would noodle around in a book and then get bored.

She liked me… I liked her in some ways… but she was too f**ked up for me. And her life story made no sense. She lived with an aunt and uncle pretty far outside town. I think she could have been a nice girl if she’d had a better home life, but she didn’t, and she wasn’t. She was good at being submissive in bed and doing what I told her to do. She is another one who got more into me than I was into her… she could sense the coolness and distance in me… and in her case in made her chase too much (a little sign of dysfunction there: functional chicks want to keep themselves within one level of the guy’s investment).

Shannon’s friends were also nightmares… she only had a few because of moving around, and I believe that her moving history, plus her being bored working at the hotel, drove her to date online. If she’d been just a little less dysfunctional, I might have tried more seriously to catapult her into middle-class values. But she was too far gone, despite her young age. I don’t like being captain-save-a-ho… that’s a stupid thing to attempt and almost never works… but I do like trying to encourage people to become the best person they can become, if they are open to that… most people are not open to improvement, despite what they say. Same reason trying to help most hapless guys online is useless… most of them don’t have the preconditions necessary to make real improvements. The preconditions are often psychological in nature.

Despite all of this, Shannon had a nice p***y and I could do just about whatever I wanted to her in bed. I also f**ked her quite a few times in hotel rooms at the hotel she worked at.

A hot girl she worked with flirted with me quite a bit, and when Shannon and I broke up I tried to f**k her, failed. There was a girl just on the wrong side of too heavy who sent me dirty messages (non-Facebook instant message systems were prevalent) and wanted to f**k me, but she was too fat. There was also a beta-type dude who wanted to f**k Shannon but wasn’t and HATED me. He needed the game… I should have given him a copy… and I should have showed him a pic of me f**king Shannon. Kind of a b***h move, and probably pointless.

Shannon was pretty f**ked up, which I usually don’t go for, but she was also hot. I wonder if she was selling her cooze at the hotel to guests. With a girl like her… you never know… she would talk about her desire for romance sometimes, but her behavior and attitudes said otherwise.

With most ghetto white chicks, I don’t have sufficient edge or psychological degeneracy for them. And most ghetto chicks are NOT hot, because they have terrible nutrition and life habits, along with IQs too low to fix their problems. There is the very rare chick who has a decent IQ and is genuinely in awful circumstances, but they are definitely the exception. Shannon didn’t have good habits… but she was young enough and had lucky enough genetics to get past that. Like with most ghetto chicks, or just ghetto people in general, I would get exasperated with her dysfunctional thought processes and behaviors, and she like the results of my world-builder impulses, but not the process of my world-builder impulses. Many people want the rewards without having to put in the work, and she was like that.

I dated some other pretty ghetto white chicks here and there, but they pretty much all came from online, many years ago, when online worked, and a few have come from miscellaneous chats here and there, rather than bulk daygame. There was also a woman, less overtly ghetto, who’d had a kid with some black guy, who not surprisingly took off. She had an amazing body for having had a kid. She was the one who, when I said something about her life showing that she’s made extremely bad life decisions, accused me of being a racist… whatever… that shit might fly in social media, but it doesn’t make a guy commit to you. I’m sure she found some guy to subsidize her. Life is hard enough, then you add in really bad decision-making like her, and it gets unbelievably harder. You should have read radicalizing the romanceless (red pill while denouncing red pill) and its link to the rush from judgment, about how being kumayah and non-judgmental is f**king stupid. You can be excessively judgmental or excessively non-judgmental.

When it comes to short-term and just-for-fun liaisons with chicks, I am extremely non-judgmental and encourage them to share their fantasies, histories, etc. This is how players get chicks to open up. But when it comes to function/dysfunction in every day life… I am super judgmental… and very attuned to what it takes to thrive. I feel bad for people with ghetto world values, but I also can’t fix them, usually. And we are too disparate to be attracted to one another properly, usually.

Girls who do stupid things, like yell back at a carload of guys late at night

Last night I went to a party and afterwards came back with three other people, two girls and a guy. As we were walking back to one of the girls’s place, someone in a car full of black guys yelled… something… I don’t know what, at the girls. And the one I knew yelled back and gave them the finger. Mind, the hour was late and we were in a deserted neighborhood, in a neighborhood that might politely be called gentrifying.

We were crossing the street, and the guy driving the car kept going, then stopped to start to spin around, to return to us. I told the girls to hurry, which the one who shouted didn’t really do… I kept an eye on the car, but fortunately it got caught up in some other cars coming and going, and we got inside the building. I’m not sure that the girls or the other guy realized what was happening, but, when we got inside, I told her that it’s not smart to yell at a car load of guys in on an empty street late at night… she disagreed some… she might be right about them being assholes, but that the time and place for taking her feminist stance was completely wrong.

I was also totally unarmed, without even an extending baton or real pepper spray (triple-action spray). I think this chick forgets that there are two worlds, maybe more than that but I will focus on these two… a predominantly white and Asian white-collar professional world with norms that focus on resolving conflict verbally, trading, making money, etc. The other world is predominantly black and focused on brutality, drugs, and prison mores. It’s dysfunctional and a lot of people in the white, top world forget that the black, bottom world exists. If you fail to remember this, you may pay for it… last night we were fine, but there were four or five of them and two of us. It’s somehow racist to point out that I don’t want to deal with a car full of guys and them being black makes it worse.

It’s a mistake to think your world is the only one… many white-world dwellers condemn the police, often justifiably, for publicized instances of brutality… but I think the police also absorb a lot of the ghetto world street mores, not law school world mores, and they forget that the other world exists. Police also mostly keep ghetto dysfunction in its place. In many cities, we have built palaces to ghetto dysfunction called public housing, or just bad neighborhoods… but many people are pushing into those bad neighborhoods, and conflict results. White liberal voters want MORE palaces of ghetto dysfunction, as long as the palace is far away from their immediate neighborhood. I was basically in one of those gentrifying neighborhoods. If you go outside of your zone, you are also seeking conflict, which is not smart (unless you know what you are doing and do it deliberately, in which case good for you I guess).

Obviously there are many black people in the white, productive world and many white people in the ghetto values world, but the pattern is super clear, and assume the pattern holds until proven otherwise. That is why I wrote in the fashion post about two black guys I know/knew who did well with white chicks, and how they consciously or unconsciously worked to neutralize the ghetto race associations. The associations that the guys from last night were diligently working to cement. They were probably guys who are used to going to prison, have been in and out of it, etc., which are also the guys I don’t want to deal with unless I absolutely have to.

So I was annoyed with this chick. If she wants to pick a fight with a carload of black guys in an area with lots of traffic during the day, that’s her prerogative I guess. But it’s a f**king stupid thing to do late at night. I have become somewhat more preoccupied with just not putting up with retarded behavior.

I have talked about this before, but most chicks who have problems with guys invite those problems in. This girl’s behavior would be an example of inviting the problem in. I think I have a little bit more contact with or knowledge of the ghetto world than most white city liberals, so I am less tolerant of interacting with it. Overall I like this girl and no one is perfect, but damn it’s annoying to watch someone invite dysfunction into her life this way.

More backsliding

More backsliding, after this incident … there is a tentative foursome scheduled for me, Ms. Slav, Peaches, and Peaches Man on Thursday. Without me, I do believe it would be a threesome, or conceivably a fivesome, … we’ll see. Tentative, because chicks are leading the way on this one, and we all know what that means.

It’s hard to turn down a free lunch.

It’s also stupid to eat just because it’s there.

It’s weird to be in position to be a little blah about f**king a couple hot chicks, but here is me … I should go do some cold approach to remind me that I am not special and I should not believe I’ve got a magic c**k.

Planning your life, ten years out

One way to assess your life now is to try and think about where you might want to be in ten years, then take daily steps towards wherever that place is. Chances are, you should want some aspect of your life to be different in ten years, but what aspect that is will vary by the guy. I’m thinking about this because I’m pretty sure that, in ten years, I won’t want to be doing what I’m doing now. But what should I be doing instead? That’s the key question. For a long time, chasing chicks has basically been my sport and hobby, and a lot of my life has been oriented around that activity. Things that support that goal I pursued, and things that detracted from that goal I mostly avoided. I’m okay with where I am right now, but I don’t think I want to be in the same place ten years from now… which means I need to think about what changes I should make.

This applies to guys in a lot of situations regarding women, sex, etc.:

  • If you’re 20, in ten years you’ll probably still want to be in the game.
  • If you’re 30, ten years out you might still want to be in, but you might not.
  • At 40… maybe so, but I start to wonder about that.

I observe that, the older people get, the more their families take priority and the less they care about a lot of other stuff, possibly including getting laid by the widest array of new chicks. This is an “on average” observation, so maybe you are different. In addition, I think many people go through life epicycles of 5 – 10 years. So someone who does monogamy or, much worse, a marriage from age 25 – 40 may get out of it and want desperately to f**k around for a couple years. A lot of people need to have sufficient variety in their life to make it intersting, but not so much variety as to destabilize it.

I have been dealing with some injuries, and I have been of course been observing the people around me. The older people I know who have families are almost always more satisfied than the ones without. I think we need the right, productive kind of struggle to live satisfied lives. For a long time, the right, productive kind of struggle for me has been in the game, with all of its attendant challenges. The important question is what should happen next. Some advice generalizes well to guys in all states of life (lift, stretch, maintain physical well-being, read books), but other advice is more age- and context-specific.

Some guys want to chase chicks till the moment they can’t anymore. If that’s you, that’s fine… one time I thought it would be me… now I’m not so convinced.