Martin Gurri on the public revolt and the rise of information networks

I said that “You are part of ‘The Revolt of The Public and the Crisis of Authority in the New Millennium.’” Now the author of that book, Martin Gurri, has a good 80000 hours podcast elaborating on the book’s themes.

I am still amazed that, when it comes to seducing women (one of the most important skills a man can develop), random guys with stupid pseudonyms like mine are more useful authorities that pretty much anything you learn in school or anything you read in bookstores or see on TV. In this field, in human relations, the guys linked in the sidebar are 100x more useful than the New York Times. Crazy, right?

When it comes to sexual polarity and men/women, most guys learn neutral or outright dysfunctional skills from their families, friends, schools, and social worlds. We have to learn on our own or from a small cadre of outsiders.

Multiply that basic idea across 1000s of worlds and you get to the revolt of the public. Our politics and public life still haven’t recovered or reconfigured to the Twitter/Facebook world.

Advertisements

“I Love My Boyfriend Dearly—but I’m Desperate to Have Sex With Other Men”

I Love My Boyfriend Dearly—but I’m Desperate to Have Sex With Other Men” is a “Don’t get married” classic. Notice that this woman’s plea for infidelity is also being published in a mainstream venue. Giving women permission and encouragement to cheat is now mainstream.

If a guy had written in with the same letter, he would be told that he needs to honorably control his libido. But since it’s a woman writing in, she’s told, “Our bodies have a way of deciding these things for us, even when we think we know better.”

I don’t think guys who get married deserve the financial and legal hellfire that rains on them when they divorce. But at this stage, a guy should really know what he’s signing up for when he is foolish enough to marry a woman.

Many people are attempting to make a lifelong commitment that they cannot or will not keep. Maybe we should all be a little more honest with ourselves.

Slate is running a lot of “Don’t get married” stories. “I Recoil When My Husband Tries to Touch Me” is another. When this woman divorces her husband, she’ll get half of the property he’s accumulated. In what world is that fair? Attention is the only weapon modern men have, and marriage takes it away and incentives the woman to eventually divorce him.

If you are a man and you marry a woman who makes less money than you, you are gambling with huge downside and virtually no upside.

In my view, there are only two kinds of relationships: relationships in which you plan to have children with a woman, and all other kinds of relationships. There are only two scenarios where I can kind of, sort of see the appeal of marrying:

  • You want to have kids with a woman, but she won’t have kids with you unless you marry her first.
  • You want to make sure a woman gets a green card / US citizenship, and marriage is a way to make that happen. Even then, you should go through the pre-nup process and orchestrate a pre-planned divorce sequence with her.

I still think the first strategy is high-risk for limited rewards, but I can at least see the rationale for it. But you still risk becoming the man she recoils from, or the guy sitting at home while she’s desperate to have sex with other men. Doesn’t seem like a good gamble to me.

“Bang It Out With Paul Janka” podcast

Bang It Out With Paul Janka” hits many themes I’ve been hitting. You’ve also read about Paul Janka on Nash’s blog.

Some of the podcast is pretty obvious… like, if you want to be a player for your whole life, be a player for your whole life. If you want to have kids, go have kids. There is no right path for everybody.

I see the biggest problem being when young guys (or girls, realistically) try to commit to one woman too early, and without knowing enough about chicks, or when a young guy is totally blinded by lust and pleasure. Then he makes mistakes he pays for later. Janka, Francis, and Torero all says, correctly in my view, that a guy should not be thinking about any sort of long-term relationship before age 30, at the very earliest.

Before that age, he needs to be working on himself, his game, and his career. The first two are really the same thing.

Older guys, really starting in the mid-30s, can think about longer-term projects, like kids.

You will recognize many of the discussion topics if you’ve been reading this blog for a while. But my own desires and needs have been shifting somewhat over time. That seems not to be true of Torero or Francis, so they provide a good counterpoint.

In my own life, I’m still reluctant to give up the non-monogamous world I’ve been involved with for a long time. I have built up a system of sorts, and part of me wants to keep the machine going. Another part of me wants to let it fall apart. Yet I have spent so much time building it up, understanding its pieces, and making it work, that I don’t want to drop it, even though that may be the better path for me. Especially because it is wonderful in many ways but a TERRIBLE place for a medium- or long-term partner. The book may be a capstone for my experiences in the scene.

“The Woman Worried She’ll Never Meet Her Polyamorous Boyfriend’s Parents”

The Woman Worried She’ll Never Meet Her Polyamorous Boyfriend’s Parents” might be an example of a guy doing polyamory from the superior position. He’s f**king at least two women. The one writing the story is deeply into him. She seems to be retained without too much work on his end. Without the polyamorous frame, she would probably not be f**king him as regularly or easily.

I don’t want to make too much of this story because, without knowing more about the looks of everyone involved, and other aspects of the guy’s situation, he could be acting from a pretty inferior position. Based on the information provided, though, he seems to have at least two chicks well inside his frame.

More women are being psychologically prepped for open relationships by articles like this. Guys should be considering whether they want to present this kind of frame.

What flaking looks like from a woman’s perspective

I like this series it seems that I’m doing on flaking from a woman’s perspective. Many guys seem to have a bad or incorrect mental model of women’s lived experience. Women can get dates or casual sex any time they want. So letting a particular date go is of no consequence, like with this chick.

8:30 p.m. Getting dressed for this date that I’m kind of dreading. We’ve already pushed it back and now I’m tired and don’t feel like having to be “on” to meet someone new.

9:30 p.m. I ride two stops on the subway and realize the bar he’s picked is going to take an hour to get to. I text him to let him know I just can’t do it tonight. He’s super understanding and we agree to meet later in the week.

Then

2:10 p.m. Remember that I’m supposed to go on the rescheduled date with Hinge guy tonight. I text him and explain that I’m taking a step back from dating and focusing on myself. He’s surprisingly chill about it.

Of course, that actually means she’s f**king a guy she likes. No one takes “a step back from dating” if they have an opportunity to date the man/woman of their dreams. Typically, a girl is f**king someone. You should try to make that someone you.

This guy is “chill,” which is smart. If her main f**k buddy departs, he might get a random text saying they should “reconnect,” etc.

What open relationships look like for a bottom, beta guy

When a Boyfriend Joins the Marriage” is from the New York Times so it is about a bottom, beta guy in an “open” marriage (read: his wife directs everything). It’s what the typical Red Pill guys think about open relationships, because they are imagining themselves in the bottom-guy position. I wrote “Open or poly relationships from the superior position or inferior position” to look at the issue from the top, alpha guy position. For top guy guys, open relationships can solve retention problems.

Top guys have different problems and don’t get married. Or, if they do get married and their wife wants an outside lover, they get divorced.

It’s also true that guys need to f**k their partners good. This story by a spinster, feminist writer is about her mom getting pregnant by a man the mom isn’t married to, and how the feminist writer learns her actual father’s identity. You may think this is another “All women are like that” story, but the mom isn’t getting f**ked by her husband, and the husband consents to the mom living in New York City while he works upstate.

It looks like the husband is at fault as much as or more than the mom. He’s not f**king her, so she finds someone else who will. Red Pill guys are overly eager to blame failed relationships on women. If you’re a guy and in a relationship with a woman, you need to f**k her regularly and thoroughly, or she will legitimately look for affection somewhere else. I mentioned an occasional lover of mine who has a stronger libido than her husband’s, and she is out looking for the sex she isn’t getting at home. Same thing with Peaches.

Reciprocity is a two-way street. I would not put up with a woman who won’t f**k me (barring legitimate medical problems). Women will not put up with a man not f**king them.

For every hot girl you see, chances are someone is f**king her. You might as well try to make you be the guy who is.

“U.S. Population Grew at Slowest Pace in More Than 80 Years”

U.S. Population Grew at Slowest Pace in More Than 80 Years” is not game related, but it is related to the way immigration is going to continue: there are simply too few workers, relative to the number of old people drawing benefits in the form of Social Security and Medicare.

As birthrates have dropped and death rates risen, immigration’s role in the nation’s continuing population growth has expanded. Last year, it accounted for 48% of the country’s growth, up from 35% in 2011

Until and unless native-born persons have more kids, we’re going to see the demand for labor come from other places. Seriously, go to an old folks home sometime, if you haven’t been. I have some elderly relatives. 98% of the workers there are foreign-born.

If you dislike this trend, you’re having a bunch of kids to compensate, right?

Right?

We get the society we build.

“We get the society we build” is also why I love the Zero electric motorcycle. It’s an amazing product to ride and puts $0 into the coffers of Saudi Arabia, a country whose religious lunacy fuels its anti-sex and pro-terrorism stance.