“Open marriage considerations”

Open marriage considerations” is a post by Rakish Love.

I used to believe that an open marriage is a good end-game for seducers, but after this past year I am reconsidering this. Here’s the rub: an Open Marriage is only good if you have a high number of leads available at a given time.

I write that open relationships and even marriages usually work best when the couple interacts most commonly with other couples. If the man and the woman separately pursue their interests, the man is usually going to have a lot more problems. Women who signal openness to casual sex will be overwhelmed by men interested in that. Men who do the same will usually not be.

Marriage in general is dangerous. The man’s wife can decide she luvs another guy and then, in the United States, take half the man’s assets and often part of his earnings for many years to come. Pair-bonding with another guy increases the probability of this happening.

I don’t know a lot about Rakish Love’s background or arrangement but it also seems that, once a marriage is opened, it’s often very hard to close it again, particularly if one party (usually the woman) is successfully f**king other people and the other party is not. New relationship energy (NRE) is a powerful force that destroys many conventional marriages.

I will also commend guys writing honestly online about the bad/dark parts of game, non-monogamy, etc. I have read far too many guys with extremely unlikely stories, success rates, experiences, etc., but in reality very little in male-female interaction/sexuality is 100% good or 100% bad. Stories by guys who are always 100% killing it and getting the hottest chicks…  I don’t really believe them. I don’t see anyone who is always doing great, always getting the hottest chicks and retaining them, etc. There are more greys than blacks/whites.

Reciprocity & value.

Moby book, “And Then It Fell Apart”

Here’s a story about a guy who gets everything he could ever want and is still a miserable, unhappy cunt. Is this common among successful entertainers, or do only the miserable and unhappy entertainers write autobiographies detailing how they’re fucked up?

Moby understands that most guys use non-monogamy as a way to fuck around while retaining a chick who wants monogamy, “Kelly and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, but we had an open, non-monogamous relationship. She dated other people, or so I assumed. And I dated other people, as I well knew. In fact, everyone knew that I dated other people.” Kelly gets tired of this because his SMV is much higher than hers because he’s a famous musician (and for that reason alone). Like some high-status guys, it seems he realizes that being poly is a decent way to keep a primary chick who he likes around while also having the ability to play the field.

Since then I’d fallen hard for two other women, and would have been happy to be in a monogamous relationship with either of them – except that even making plans to go on a second date made me panic. So I’d given up trying to date seriously, and had embraced being a promiscuous drunk on tour. It wasn’t the most spiritually or ethically sound behavior, but at least I wasn’t panicking.

I don’t get the panic attack via dating thing. Is it real? Is he full of shit? It seems like an awful lot of cover if he’s full of shit, though.

I find this book unusual because Moby’s feelings about “success” in his world is a bit close to some of my feelings about the game right now.

In the early 1990s going on tour had been novel, and I had been an enthusiastic evangelist for the nascent rave scene. And then for a few years, after the success of Play and 18, it had been exciting, a perpetual road-trip party with huge concerts, unceasing drunkenness, and almost effortless promiscuity. But lately touring had turned into a routine, one in which I played in smaller venues to smaller audiences who just wanted to hear older songs.

Or call it “flat.”

Suddenly everything seemed flat – the hipsters, the lights, the levity – as if life was just a staged photograph in a bad design magazine. I was sad, but underneath my sadness I was angry and disappointed. I’d been given the kingdom, and I’d squandered it.

I’m not that anhedonic, though, and I don’t have the drinking/drug problems Moby does. His manager has enough partying at some point, “We walked to the limo. Sandy was usually unflappable, but he looked angry. ‘I’m not sure I can keep doing this, Moby,’ he said.” I get him.

It’s also true that casual sex can become less exciting over time,

These women were beautiful, and they wanted to have a threesome with me. But it felt rote, as if we were playing scripted parts: the debauched musician, the Park Avenue lady drinking away her sorrow, and the wide-eyed burlesque dancer from a small town outside Reno experiencing all that life in the big city had to offer.

This is the psyche’s sign that it’s time to change lanes.

There are Red Pill moments, like with this hot divorced chick at a New York City party,

“They’re all bitches,” she said, gesturing at the room full of soft money. “A year ago they were my best friends. Now they won’t talk to me.” “Why not?” “I got divorced, and now they’re all afraid I’m going to fuck their husbands.”

They’re not bitches. They’re wise. This is why some hot chicks have trouble making and keeping female friends. Smart chicks try to keep their man away from single hot women, as a form of damage control (guys will often do the same thing). When hot chicks say they have trouble making friends, it can be a sign of damaged personality… but it can also just be chicks wisely mate guarding.

Drugs are dangerous because used well they can enhance and make magical the human experience. Used poorly, they try to fill a hole in the soul, as Moby tries to use them… and it doesn’t work.

I woke up alone, in the parking lot of the Lowry hotel in Manchester. The women were gone, the bus was cold, and I felt like gray death. There were empty vodka bottles on the floor.

This is fame, fortune, etc. But Moby can’t take those things and build something on top of them, it seems.

I had money, status, and huge swaths of pristine land. But the increasingly noisy and demanding truth was that unless I was drunk or having sex with a stranger, I wasn’t happy. And although I had decided that I was a spiritual person, I never actually did anything spiritual.

Chasing happiness is foolish. You have to chase a goal or a skill or whatever that is challenging to reach but not impossible to reach, a goal or skill that you can make some progress towards every day. In the absence of such a goal people become listless. Guys who can’t get laid do well with game because it has a goal and it has some ways you can make small progress every day (eat well, talk to chicks, develop new hobbies, hit the gym and watch those numbers improve, etc.).

This guy has some serious emotional problems that he never manages to address. I wonder how many guys in the community, are similar: effective on the outside (Moby is an effective music maker), totally fucked up on the inside. Seems like it’d be useful to ask… what if you get whatever you’re striving for? Humans aren’t happy in stasis… if you get everything, you’d still have to develop a new goal/purpose. We have to have a purpose, and we have to develop new ones, otherwise we stagnate and die.

This is not a typical book about the game or about how to manage your psychology and the psychology of other people. Moby doesn’t talk about writing the big songs, which is a strange omission, like a book about game that says nothing about approaches.

High Performance Psychology

The applicability of “The best books on High Performance Psychology” on game and chicks is obvious. I’m more a fan of the article than the specific books discussed. The Practice of Practice is a good book for guys looking to understand how to take small consistent steps towards improvement. Almost no one sees HUGE gains in one day or one week of new action and specific practice. Gains are always small and accrue over time… a theme you may have heard before.

“The Intern Who Doesn’t Have Time for Real Dates”

The Intern Who Doesn’t Have Time for Real Dates” is a story about a dumb girl… she is trying to get a job in a dying industry, or an industry shrinking, if not to the point of death, then substantially along the way to death. How’s she going to make it? By subsidizing her earrings with sex work. Smart girls, they do not try to become journalists: “I just graduated from college and moved to New York for an editorial internship. It’s my dream magazine internship, but I landed it just a little too late. Student loans are going to kick in soon. I need a real job. And a sugar daddy” Smart girls don’t try this in 2018. Or 2019. Smart girls get jobs in real industries.

So she is being a sex worker. For the player, I see this:

I make plans to meet up with another guy from Seeking Arrangement on Wednesday after work. JP is young, only 36, which makes me nervous. I don’t trust the ones under 40. They usually try to just use the app like Tinder. But JP agrees to $600 per meet, which seems to be the going rate.

as interesting. Does Seeking Arrangements work like Tinder? I would have assumed, “No.”

Also, $600 per meet seems crazy. Are guys really willing to pay that much?

She is simultaneously doing regular online dating and sex work. Is this normal, now? I think not. I could be wrong. I think there is something wrong with this girl:

M gives me $700 in cash. Before I leave he asks if I want a hug. To my surprise, I do. He is still fully naked, but there is nothing sexual in his embrace. Hugging this stranger, crying, I realize I don’t remember the last time I was held.

Guys should hold the chick after sex, in my view. Even for one-nighters. Most chicks need it. It will be a better experience for both of you, if you do this, even if you’re tired, even if you’re not that into the chick.

(If she is mean, cruel, or something else seriously wrong with her… a guy doesn’t need to do this… but it’s a good idea to figure that out BEFORE you f**k her.)

This chick is likely going to need to make some serious life alterations. A girl with a messed-up work life typically has a mess-up real life too—past a certain age, anyway. She is 21, so wanting to be in media is okay because she is so young. By 24/25, though, she should be in a more intelligent job situation:

News of media-industry layoffs keeps breaking. The reality that I am taking massive risks to enter an industry that regularly fucks over even established, talented professionals is getting harder to ignore.

That, honey, is the sound of the market telling you to go get another job. Doesn’t matter how much you want this one.

“John Yudkin: the man who tried to warn us about sugar”

John Yudkin: the man who tried to warn us about sugar” is about another hero, a hero on the level of Gary Taubes but less known. Let’s all choose to quit sugar and quit being corpulent.

If you want to be fit, it also helps to learn how to cook. Most chicks, like most people in general, don’t know how to cook and so default to sugar-laden takeout and pre-packaged food. We can do better. Most chicks also default to doing whatever you do, so if you make food without sugar in it, most chicks will default to that. This is a component of leadership.

Ms. Slav likes to cook, and that is a substantial marker in her favor.

“Modern Love: Talking to My Fiancé About My New Girlfriend”

Modern Love: Talking to My Fiancé About My New Girlfriend” is very blue pill, as the guy in question should NOT marry that woman unless she makes substantially more money than he does. But I don’t know him and can’t say whether he is doing non monogamy from the inferior or superior position. He may be a guy with good game who uses non-monogamy as a retention tool, in which case, good for him. Or he could be a guy who knows he’ll lose this chick if he doesn’t acquiesce, in which case he deserves the opprobrium naive Red Pill guys throw.

I don’t know which he is and don’t see enough in that article to gauge his situation.

That so many articles like this one appear in the mainstream media is an argument that verbalizing nonmonogamy right up front could be a viable strategy.