Two points on loneliness, family, and evolutionary biology

I have often banged on about evolutionary biology, it being the theoretical and intellectual core underlying game, as guys have evolved to like young hot chicks and chicks have evolved to like guys with skills, knowledge, resources, height, and status. But we are also an evolutionary puzzle,

Humans are almost unique in having menopause; most animals keep reproducing until they die in late middle-age. Why does evolution want humans to stick around without reproducing?

Because old people have already learned the local culture and can teach it to others. Henrich asks us to throw out any personal experience we have of elders; we live in a rapidly-changing world where an old person is probably “behind the times”. But for most of history, change happened glacially slowly, and old people would have spent their entire lives accumulating relevant knowledge. Imagine a Silicon Valley programmer stumped by a particularly tough bug in his code calling up his grandfather, who has seventy years’ experience in the relevant programming language.

On average, it seems like the people I know who have kids are more satisfied and content. Often they are not happier, if you think of happiness as a giddy joy, but they seem to have more purpose, and purpose can satisfy us.

What we find most satisfying when we’re younger, like status among our peers and f**king younger-hotter-tighter, we might find less satisfying when we’re older. Those thoughts are underlying Kids, the player, and the Red Pill: Comprehensive statement. We focus on the game because, although it may be sad, it’s also true that we need game and to understand women in order to form satisfying relationships, particularly in an age of legal theft via marriage and paternity fraud. It’s necessary both to guard your interests and for most guys to have a family. Many guys don’t do either one effectively. Your stage of life is relevant and I see too few guys discussing stage-of-life points, so I want to change that here.

The other point,

Postwar baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, were Generation Zero for the Second Demographic Transition in the United States. Now shuffling their way into their sixties and seventies, older boomers give a glimpse of the long-term downside of the post-SDT culture. If we had to pick just one word to describe it, “lonely” would do. In widely quoted research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Ashton M. Verdery and Rachel Margolis uncovered a recent surge in the number of “kinless” older adults. Lower fertility translates into fewer siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, whether for hospital visits or emergency contacts.

That article is amazing and please read all of it. I will emphasize that living without kids for your entire life is probably contrary to our psychology and leads many people to bad second halves of their lives. It must be especially hard for guys who fail to be players and learn about chicks in the first half of their lives, then spend the second halves of their lives with no or estranged families. Suicide rates for middle-aged and older guys have been going up for a long time and I bet that’s part of the reason. Younger guys can learn game and get laid (the way is hard but it can be done), while older guys without families don’t have that source of meaning.

I’m still anti-marriage (it’s a bad contract) but I also see the sadness in many of the older people around me, and I see a lot of younger people (mostly chicks but some guys too) who seem to be heading towards that path. Game is important because it can reduce loneliness in some ways. It can also be supremely lonely in other ways, I want to add, as game and Red Pill in general can estrange you from a lot of society when you begin to learn how the real world works. Aging is more painful for women and low-status guys than for top guys, as top guys can keep nailing younger-hotter-tighter for a pretty long time. Not forever and that is where the family aspect becomes more important.

If you are a 31-one-year-old guy do not despair and think you are over the hill. You’re not and still need to learn game and do all the Red Pill things.

“The Loneliest Generation: Americans, More Than Ever, Are Aging Alone”

The Loneliest Generation: Americans, More Than Ever, Are Aging Alone” is not about the game. (Alternate temporary pastebin of the story). Guys under age 30 need not read it. But for guys over age 30, it’s worth thinking about. We all know that female sexual marketplace value is highest around ages 15 – 25. It declines more seriously after age 30 and very rapidly after age 35.

But there is also a male sexual marketplace value peak, typically in the 30s or early 40s. Some players will end up like the loneliest generation people described in the article. Some of those people have no one but themselves to blame (“Karen Schneider, a 69-year-old in East San Jose, Calif., went through an acrimonious split from her husband in the mid-1990s that left her estranged from her two daughters and without anywhere to live,” and that’s code for “she wanted to chase strange d**k and her kids now hate her”).

It’s popular for Red Pill guys to make fun of women age 30 or 35+ who don’t understand that their own SMV is going to fall, sometimes very rapidly. At some point, however, guys have to decide how they want to live as well. The term “pickup artist” is useful, as some artists practice their art till the very end. If a guy conceptualizes pickup as a form of lifelong artistry, maybe he should keep going until the moment he cannot.

Almost everyone age 50+ who I know derives their life’s meaning and satisfaction from their families and family relationships. Guys who get deeply into the game are not normal guys, but we should think about what we might learn from normal guys.

Players also learn better social skills than normal people, so we have that working for us.

But the body, even taken care of, does break down over time.

This is not an argument that players should pack it in at age 37 and go get a wife and a s**t house in the suburbs. It is a warning, though, that friendships rarely replace family and that what you value later in your life may not be what you value today.

I think the game is fantastic and men must know the Red Pill to understand the society we live in. I’m never going to be one of those guys who repudiates who I have been.

The Feminist Life Script Has Made Many Women Miserable. Don’t Let It Sucker You” talks to women, but this is relevant to men as well:

We all want to believe that we’re exceptional, that patterns of human behavior don’t apply to us. That while bad things happened to other people who did the same things we are or want to, those bad things won’t happen to us, too. We’re special. We’re different.

We are all the products of evolutionarily success parents, going backwards to the start of sexually reproducing life. Our psychologies have been tuned to the needs of family life. That doesn’t mean a man should marry (today, he should not). But a lot of guys, as we get older, we think about what we leave behind and what we want to do besides getting laid. There may be nothing beyond the next notch. There may also be a reason many players age 35 – 40 exit the game and focus on their families.