The whining disparity: Male struggle is invisible to most women

Successful men have an incentive to hide how hard getting to the top and staying there is, because women don’t like weak men who whine and complain about not getting laid… or almost anything else. Guys who have some success must present it like it’s easy and organic to women, despite the fact that almost all guys experience a lot of rejection and difficulty when it comes to dating… but this can’t be stated, because the unsuccessful men die off, figuratively, in her world and her attention. Women internalize the idea that men have it easy, because that’s what a lot of successful men are marketing… because they (we) think women demand it. When a market demands fantasy, sellers offer fantasy.

“The [male] feminist”

“The [male] feminist” is solid reading about a guy who needs a dad or uncle or male cousin to take him aside and tell him to stop being a p***y. Much of what we perceive as social or gender dysfunction is actually, at its heart, family dysfunction and disintegration, and, because of families are smaller and more fractured than they used to be, we don’t know how to become adults, which usually also means “how to become a man” or “how to become a woman.” “The [male] feminist” is most notable for the absence in it, because there’s no mention of this guy’s father or uncle. Where are they? Does his uncle not exist? why not?

There used to be a guy who kept a blog named Goldmund, for example, who, whatever his flaws, talked a lot about his older male relatives and how they influenced his development. Unfortunately his blog has been effectively abandoned… but he’s one of the few guys I’ve seen talk seriously about family and family influence. A lot of “how to be a man” and “how to be a woman” are best conveyed by aunts, uncles, older cousins, those relationships. Default_friend tweeted the other day that she learns a lot from her mom and grandma (can’t find the tweet at the moment), which may help explain why she thinks modern feminism is re/tarded. Camille Paglia writes about the same in her books and essays, about the vital role extended family play in development.

Who or what replaces family? Schools, bureaucracies, ideologies. Except none of those replacements work, it’s like trying to live off McDonald’s and fast food: even if you’re technically alive, you’re barely living. In “The [male] feminist,” the guy absorbs an ideology pitched by power-hungry bureaucrats. The story is exaggerated for effect, I understand that, but normal guys, as they get older, they understand how to discard bullshit that doesn’t work. Even the pathetic snake guys who embrace “I am a feminist” as a way to get laid in high school or college, almost always quit at some point. You get old enough to see an ideology doesn’t work, you quit it. The most interesting part of many stories isn’t what’s in them, but what’s missing.

Chicks aren’t attracted to vulnerability, and the story’s narrator goes around with his belly exposed to every chick he runs into. Chicks like guys they can be vulnerable with, but not guys who are vulnerable. Or the guy is vulnerable is a minor way, like, “I am afraid of heights.” Or maybe, “My ex was super hot but also hurt me badly.” Your hot ex (social proof) hurt you, and now I, a lady, can heal you with my magic pussy? That’s minor vulnerability. Major vulnerability is something like outright incompetence. Competence is attractive to women, which is why effective men work so hard to develop it.

Lots of red pill guys get that masculinity is earned, not given, and that’s why so many primitive tribes have intense male initiation rituals. Femininity is given, not earned, just by going through puberty. That power must be learned to be wielded well, to be sure, but it’s there by showing up… something the male feminist in the story misses.

I don’t remember how the exact conversation went, but Short Dancer admitted that she slept with an incompetent guy her age (who I knew slightly) right before I started f**king her. The guy got her by virtue of proximity and luck, but he lacked masculinity identity and had no one, from what I can tell, to teach him about it. Then I got with Short Dancer, who was diplomatic, but also basically said that he lacked adequate aggression and masculinity. I thought the guy was okay, and if I’d been able to see a way to help him I would have, but, due to some other circumstances, there was no real way to do so. Maybe losing Short Dancer to an older, more masculine guy taught him something important. He seemed like a guy who might identify as a male feminist, although I never heard him actually do so.

You are not a special and unique sunflower: Jung and game

I tweeted last week, “At least half a dozen guys have messaged me to say they think they know a chick from one of my stories.” Ms. Slav, most often… since I’ve written most often about her. The repeated identifications are a sign, a sign that patterns in human behavior are universal. We are less unique than we think.

What is happening to me… is happening to guys and chicks in every city. It’s happening all around you, you just don’t know it, or realize it. I didn’t know about this whole sex club, open relationship world existed until the chick I call #1 introduced me. Now I realize that it’s organized, like the vast mycelium networks beneath a small mushroom patch, and the people in it have to be organized if they’re going to keep it going on a regular basis. The number of people involved is far, far greater than I ever would have realized. More women are open to it than young Red Quest would have guessed. Many women are open to this pattern… though almost all want primary partners, too.

To our parents… we are irreplaceable. And if our parents are any good, they are irreplaceable to us. But the parent/child relationship has many patterns. Rapidly, as you move away from that, we are more and more replaceable, and more like other people. Ideally, children are the same to their parents… they are a pattern, yes, but also unique and irreplaceable.

Game is about learning the patterns… if there were no patterns, it’d be no good. There are patterns to what attract men. There are patterns (more complicated ones) to what attract women.

I am more similar to other guys like me than I want to think. You are probably more similar to other guys than you want to admit.

Because the patterns are universal, I see patterns in other people and they see them in me. Baller psychologist Carl Jung argues that each of us taps into a universal unconscious that shapes us… maybe that is also why so many people believe in reincarnation/access to past lives… because that is the universal pattern reaching into them. The book I have been talking about lately, KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, is heavily influenced by Jung. It sets up types of guys. You should read it to get your head straight, and to figure out which type you are most… I am most MAGICIAN, I’m sure regular readers will not be surprised to discover. This has good aspects and bad aspects… good or bad I’m kind of stuck with them… I will probably never truly be a KING or WARRIOR guy, regardless of my own desires. To change fundamental types, at this stage in my game… not easy. Some people are one type and want to be another, forever being at war with themselves.

The interesting thing to me is that no guy, from what I have seen, has written comprehensively about the patterns involved in game (as elucidated by Krauser, etc.) AND the patterns involved in sex clubs. A few people have written about one or the other, but not both.

That’s the one uncommon thing about me. I have seen the patterns and reported back on them. Guys have been seeing the patterns in game for a while… Nash wrote about a book from the ’70s that isn’t so different from what modern gamers do. The old newsgroup alt.seduction spawned the SoSuave forum, and those two things energized Neil Strauss and Mystery. Strauss and Mystery seeded the London Daygame guys. All of those sources have percolated in my own mind, and they have influenced the book I put out.

Smartphones are changing some tactics but the overall strategy is the same. Chicks are still chicks and want to get f**ked by cool guys, and they want adventure to spice up their boring lives. Jung gets it… he understands that we are patterns, and, if we are to have a chance at breaking the pattern, we have to see it first. Most guys never get the sex lives they want because they have bad value or they never get the patterns down. We need to read books so we can find the patterns hidden from us in our regular lives. Many men are frustrated by the game (that is the cause of sites like PUAhate and SLUThate) because they think they can never engage the methods that make guys successful, or the reality of sexual competition contravenes their early programming… frequently religious and sometimes feminist.

Knowing you are second-rate, sexually… it must be hard. Now we have porno and game blogs that CONFIRM you are a second or third rate guy. How do you respond? Some guys up their game. Some guys fall into depression. Some guys engage in denial, hate, and anger. Some guys spend their lives hunting for the girl who is the exception… there are girls who are exceptions… they are just super rare. If you have the skills to get girls in the centre of the distribution, you likely have the skills to get the rare girls, but not the other way around.

I think that’s the psychology behind haters and male feminists… the ones who see the pattern but can’t learn how to use the pattern. Guys who succeed learn the seduction process, through experience or synthetically through the game. Our processes are pretty similar. We think we are special, but we are wrong. Other guys think they know the chicks I have discussed… actually, they are seeing archetypes of those chicks, and that’s it.

Trippy, right? At the top of the game, the game starts to sound like hippie bullshit again. At the bottom of the game, the game is a struggle to amass sufficient value to attract decent chicks. It’s very dog-eat-dog.

When we are kids we think we are special. Some people never get past that notion. The rest of us learn that we have to make ourselves special.

When you read a book like WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER you find out that you are less special than you had thought… but you also learn how to optimize your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. I have many weaknesses… but I have probably not emphasized them in the writing here. Maybe they can be guessed.

It’s funny to me, being the repository for other people’s projections and experiences.

One of the big things many guys have to learn, or unlearn, is that women love f**king… but they are compelled by their psychologies to conceal that somewhat, and they are told by the society they grow up in to conceal their love. So a lot of guys remain ignorant about female nature for a long time… some guys forever… thus movies like THE MATRIX resonating. Learning the truth, recognizing your own inadequacy in some domains… it can be very painful. For guys who are soft, who have never competed in sports or lifted in the gym, it can be really hard. For guys who have spent their lives optimizing the wrong thing, thinking that women will be attracted to well-paid, boring IT workers… it can be brutal and shattering.

There is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Particularly for men.