Responsibility and later seduction. Internal congruence

Another topic that gets no play in the Red Pill and seduction communities, cause most guys don’t get to this later stage, it is not good to trifle with women who are heavily investing in you. This damages the woman and while it is psychologically appealing to the guy (it’s nice to have the attention and desire you can return… or not), but it creates bad feelings and outcomes. Power over women who invest happens after the guy gets game and deploys it effectively, meaning that most guys never get it and this post is not for them, so this subject confuses them, like stories about a culture they’ve never visited and can’t believe exists.

I know the logical counter to this point (about the wisdom of refusing or discouraging investment that won’t be reciprocated)… “But chicks do this all the time!” True, true. But mature chicks don’t encourage male investment and male suitors who don’t interest them. Immature chicks… greedy chicks… they will, and that’s why so many younger guys have problems with the “friend zone” and perceived female uncertainty. Younger guys don’t follow the algorithm and don’t effectively sort girls into ones who might f**k and ones who won’t. I didn’t either when I was young & stupid, not to worry. I was afraid of “no,” when “no” is a gift, a gift of my time & attention so that I can direct them consciously into better things.

Mature guys… also don’t spend a lot of time and investment in women who are unlikely to be lovers. If a woman isn’t interested… the guy withdraws and finds a woman who is. Many chicks, if attention and gifts are foisted on them by inept men, will accept those… but if you are foisting gifts on a woman who hasn’t earned them, then you kinda deserve what you get. Immature guys believe gifts and attention should be rewarded with sex… when it’s actually closer to the other way around. No one in our female-dominated culture discusses to this.

This gets me to my point… when a woman’s emotions and sex habits are connecting and converging into you… it is not good to trifle with her, lead her on, and jerk her around. You will damage her, and inflict needless cruelty, and for what? If you have decent game, the sex part may be challenging, but it shouldn’t be infinitely so.

Some dysfunctional women prematurely invest when they shouldn’t, or they can’t help themselves because the man is unusual and matches their interest, or is much higher SMV than they are. If she does that… it is not your fault. But you should let go, want to let go, chicks who are deeply converting but who you don’t fancy in that way. At least tell them that you’re not going to be their boyfriend but can be their lover. Set expectations.

This is emerging from my own experiences and from conversation with a player who is interested in non-monogamy and who has found a woman who has also been searching for this her entire life, searching for a way to reconcile mind and body, emotions and physicality. Like libido girl and a number of others I’ve met, she craves the novelty of new sex… but wants a relationship too. Most guys, if they advance from casual sex into something more structured with a woman, won’t want a woman like this (they really want a woman who will be monogamous to them). There are a lot of pretend non-monogamous guys, and even more strictly monogamous guys (when you get down to it). Women who are sexually adventurous but with hearts and the desire to pair-bond… it’s actually not easy for them. Even with monogamous women, their real, true, and full investment is intense. For the bulk of guys who have never experienced the intensity of female emotional and sexual investment…. this issue will be invisible. Like “how to end it” with a woman. It’s advanced stuff. Beginners mistake compassion for weakness. Don’t worry, I did too, once.

I’m against being mean to people. Yes, women will sometimes be mean to you, they will try to take value from you without giving it in return. Yes, it is sometimes appropriate to be mean to people, or direct in a way that is seen as mean. But what is perceived as mean or cruel is often just a balancing of the scales of value.

Notice what I am NOT doing. I am not arguing against casual sex (it would be funny if I did, given my history). I am not arguing against deepening relationships with women. I am not arguing that women are innocent damsels (they are not, and the innocent damsel trope is a lie men tell themselves in order to be p***y… in the real world, almost no one is “innocent”). “Beyond casual sex” is more fun than just f**king strangers in my view. But… I am arguing that it’s bad for you and for the woman to let a woman deeply invest in your and convert to you, if you don’t set expectations, or if you plan to just let her dangle. Cut her loose and let her invest in someone else. The world is already harsh and full of bitterness…. no need to make it harsher and more bitter. It’s bad for the man’s subconscious. Keeping your subconscious aligned with your accessible consciousness is a part of frame, a part of being congruent that, again, no one talks about. Low status guys, f**ked up guys, are incongruent, and their low value and incongruence messes with their inner game. Higher-status, higher-class guys maintain congruence and have a keen sense of loose equality in terms of value given and value taken. This is getting a bit on the “hippie” side of things, about consciousness development, but I think that’s where the the higher levels of game live. Levels a lot of guys never hit, cause they can’t get past the lower levels.

Most women, by the way, never access higher levels of consciousness. If they do, they are already post-wall, and it is too late for them to access those levels via sexuality. Most younger women rely on men to get them there, and most men disappoint. That’s part of the reason we see the discord we see.

Seek for the higher levels. Discourage investment where it’s not warranted. If you see signs of her emotional investment, decide consciously if you want to respond in kind or keep her at a distance. The beginning parts of the game are important but so is the middle and end, where few guys live and where almost no guys writing online discuss.

The more time you spend around women, the more you realize most of them are basically irresponsible and want someone else to make decisions for them. This is why we have the crazy Title IX man-hunting tribunal in the United States and why so many women distance themselves from their sexual choices. This is also why so few women make it to the top of corporate and other hierarchies, because an individual has to be intensely responsible for his choices if he’s going to be a leader, not just a follower—something that most women can’t do. Men who have a lot of experience with women also learn that most women like to follow and so men are reluctant to put women in leadership roles, for good reason. Almost no feminists will admit this, leading to the absurd statements about women in companies that shrieking harpies propagate in the media.

I actually have no problem with women running companies or whatever, but I don’t think you’ll ever see as many women in leadership roles because it’s contrary to baseline female psychology. If a woman wants to be responsible for a large company and has the personality and intellect to do so, then that’s dandy. It’s just unlikely. Most women want men to take responsibility for them… and when she lets a guy into her soul, and then he chucks her aside, she’s wounded. Try not to let her do that. A guy who starts off low status might want to be mean, as revenge… but he’s really taking revenge on himself, for putting up with behavior he shouldn’t have. No reason to do that. The world is hard enough.

You are not a special and unique sunflower: Jung and game

I tweeted this, last week, “At least half a dozen guys have messaged me to say they think they know a chick from one of my stories.” Ms. Slav, most often… since I’ve written most often about her. I think the repeated identifications are a sign, a sign that patterns in human behavior are universal. We are less unique than we think.

What is happening to me… is happening to guys and chicks in every city. It’s happening all around you, you just don’t know it, or realize it. I didn’t know about this whole sex club, open relationship world existed until the chick I call #1 introduced me to it. Now I realize that it’s organized and that the people in it have to be organized if they’re going to keep it going on a regular basis. I have also slowly realized that the number of people involved is far, far greater than I ever would have realized. And also that more women are open to it than young Red Quest would have guessed. Many women are open to this pattern… though almost all want primary partners too.

To our parents… we are irreplaceable. And if our parents are any good, they are irreplaceable to us. But the parent/child relationship has many patterns. Rapidly, as you move away from that, we are more and more replaceable, and more like other people. Ideally, children are the same to their parents… they are a pattern, yes, but also unique and irreplaceable.

Game is about learning the patterns… if there were no patterns, it’d be no good.

I am more similar to other guys like me than I want to think. You are probably more similar to other guys than you want to admit.

Because the patterns are universal, I see patterns in other people and they see them in me. Baller psychologist Carl Jung argues that each of us taps into a universal unconscious that shapes us… maybe that is also why so many people believe in reincarnation/access to past lives… because that is the universal pattern reaching into them. The book I have been talking about lately, KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, is heavily influenced by Jung. It sets up types of guys. You should read it to get your head straight, and to figure out which type you are most… I am most MAGICIAN, I’m sure regular readers will not be surprised to discover. This has good aspects and bad aspects… good or bad I’m kind of stuck with them… I will probably never truly be a KING or WARRIOR guy, regardless of my own desires. To change fundamental types at this stage in my game… not easy.

The interesting thing to me is that no guy, from what I have seen, has written comprehensively about the patterns involved in game (as elucidated by Krauser, etc.) AND the patterns involved in sex clubs. A few people have written about one or the other, but not both.

That’s the one uncommon thing about me. I have seen the patterns and reported back on them. Guys have been seeing the patterns in game for a while… Nash wrote about a book from the ’70s that isn’t SO different from what modern gamers do. The old newsgroup alt.seduction spawned the SoSuave forum, and those two things energized Neil Strauss and Mystery. Strauss and Mystery seeded the London Daygame guys. All of those sources have percolated in my own mind, and they have influenced the book I put out.

Smartphones are changing some tactics but the overall strategy is the same. Jung gets it… he understands that we are patterns, and, if we are to have a chance at breaking the pattern, we have to see it first. Most guys never get the sex lives they want because they have bad value or they never get the patterns down. We need to read books so we can find the patterns hidden from us in our regular lives. Many men are frustrated by the game (that is the cause of sites like PUAhate and SLUThate) because they think they can never engage the methods that make guys successful, or the reality of sexual competition contravenes their early programming… frequently religious and sometimes feminist.

Knowing you are second-rate, sexually… it must be hard. Now we have porno and game blogs that CONFIRM you are a second or third rate guy. How do you respond? Some guys up their game. Some guys fall into depression. Some guys engage in denial, hate, and anger. Some guys spend their lives hunting for the girl who is the exception… there are girls who are exceptions… they are just super rare. If you have the skills to get girls in the centre of the distribution, you likely have the skills to get the rare girls, but not the other way around.

I think that’s the psychology behind haters and male feminists… the ones who see the pattern but can’t learn how to use the pattern. Guys who succeed learn the seduction process, through experience or synthetically through the game. Our processes are pretty similar. We think we are special, but we are wrong. Other guys think they know the chicks I have discussed… actually, they are seeing archetypes of those chicks, and that’s it.

Trippy, right? At the top of the game, the game starts to sound like hippie bullshit again. At the bottom of the game, the game is a struggle to amass sufficient value to attract decent chicks. It’s very dog-eat-dog.

When we are kids we think we are special. Some people never get past that notion. The rest of us learn that we have to make ourselves special.

When you read a book like WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER you find out that you are less special than you had thought… but you also learn how to optimize your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. I have many weaknesses… but I have probably not emphasized them in the writing here. Maybe they can be guessed.

It’s funny to me, being the repository for other people’s projections and experiences.

One of the big things many guys have to learn, or unlearn, is that women love f**king… but they are compelled by their psychologies to conceal that somewhat, and they are told by the society they grow up in to conceal their love. So a lot of guys remain ignorant about female nature for a long time… some guys forever… thus movies like THE MATRIX resonating. Learning the truth, recognizing your own inadequacy in some domains… it can be very painful. For guys who are soft, who have never competed in sports or lifted in the gym, it can be really hard. For guys who have spent their lives optimizing the wrong thing, thinking that women will be attracted to well-paid, boring IT workers… it can be brutal and shattering.

There is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Particularly for men.