Write your player blog. It’s an advertisement, but not in the way you think.

The best and most actionable advice and guidance for guys looking to build their game and become players is private… it’s happening in group chats, emails, etc. It’s not happening in public, where some advice is good, some is bad, and a lot is too general, happening at the wrong “level” of abstraction. The public sphere has a lot of good and useful information in it, particularly for the newest guys who are learning the basics, but each guy has specific challenges, sticking points, etc., and those guys need targeted aid. In addition, each guy has different internal psychological challenges, and those internal challenges are very hard to self-diagnose… if they were easy, we’d not have the entire field of psychology. Almost all of us want to protect our own egos and so turn away from difficult truths… me included. To be the best, however, we need to get feedback on our challenges and to ultimately confront them. Improvement comes from doing what’s uncomfortable. Small group dynamics can’t be replicated by individuals or by large groups.

Write your player blog. It’s an advertisement, but not in the way you think. To get into the deeper levels, you need to show that you’re not an idiot (many guys are idiots or have other underlying issues) and that you’re willing to put in the effort necessary to make progress. Write your player blog and reach out to the guys who don’t seem to be idiots. That’s where the better ideas, peer-to-peer coaching, encouragement, etc. happen. You likely won’t get into the substantive and specific conversations without some demonstration that you’re not an idiot first. The blog is that demonstration. It’s hard for a lunatic to write a sustained story of his actions and progress so far. I’ve read blogs by guys who appear to be nuts and I appreciate those blogs… because they warn me to avoid the guy. I try to be understanding and accepting of individual quirks and proclivities, but I also want to identify the nuts so I can be somewhere they are not.

The blog need not be “unique,” a concern some guys appear to have… write about what you’re doing, what’s happening to you, what you notice with chicks, etc. Even a blog about blowouts is more interesting than what most guys do (nothing, or repeating platitudes, or writing vaguely about why this one special girl isn’t into them, etc.). Most guys don’t get the feedback they need to improve. Don’t overthink the blog, start it with whatever you’ve got. For most, starting is the hard part.

This is a kind of “do as I say, not as I do” moment of advice. I have spent most of my time as a player struggling to learn things on my own instead of accelerating my learning by tapping into the advice/guidance of others. It has worked out okay for me, but I could have done better and probably should have. I also didn’t realize that the material that rises to the level of blogs, or twitter, is only a small amount of that which remains in private chats.

I’m going to be a bit arrogant and say that I am better at this than most guys, yet I am still amazed at the s**t other guys come up with. There are many guys much better at this than I am, too. Some of them are writing publicly… I include many of their blogs in the links panel… and I bet almost all of them will have more specific and detailed advice in private than they do in public. But they, like me, don’t want to waste time on wankers. Most of the guys I have been speaking to in private, I have also been reading in public for months or years.

Consider this story… in college when that happened, I was operating by instinct and didn’t really know what I was doing… I think that is one reason I encourage guys to write online… most guys have no idea what we’re doing… game gives us a framework. To take my work specifically, with sex clubs, almost no one is writing about this topic. Non-mono more generally is covered by a handful of people, including me, and now from Yoylo and Magnum at times… and that’s it… it’s invisible to most players, and misunderstood by others. The guys who stumble into it, are doing it by accident (I have some examples of this but they have been sent to me in private… I don’t disclose private information). We need to turn game from lore into a proper program, a proper course of study. I’ve attempted to make “players doing sex clubs” into a proper program.

THE GAME and MYSTERY METHOD turned seduction from lore into a proper program… and they are still valuable… I am seeking to do the same… I would not have been able to do this without starting the blog… now I hope that others will take up the ideas and extend/apply it. It can be done. The lows are low… but the highs are high.

Good blog writers show themselves to be engaging, learning, and practicing their trade… bad ones reveal themselves as followers and fools. Interacting with chicks a lot generates the best ideas/stories: you see something, you hear something, you report back on it… it’s like trying to be a reporter who goes out and talks to people on the scene versus one who never leaves the office. One person is going to generate a lot of good insights and the other person is not. Bogus players write platitudes about cultivating “inner game” or write about how “not to back down” or give repeated, fifth-hand advice about “body language.” Guys who have something valuable to say write about this one girl they were talking to and how that went, and why they think it worked or didn’t work. I became friends with Red Pill Dad because of his blog, whereas his Twitter feed was too scattered to judge him. I think he judges me on this blog, like he should.

Interacting with chicks generates the best material.

Blog for yourself… but blog for other people… it’s worth doing even if no one reads it. At first, you’ll get almost no traffic and no readers. Over time, readers will emerge and find you organically through search. That is how we build awareness and a movement, and this is how we have a conversation that can’t happen any other way. Reddit has effectively banned this conversation. No one wants to have it on Facebook, under real names, because it’s so dangerous and so contrary to the social order. Feminists have taken over the public discourse about sex, sex roles, dating, etc., by having independent conversations, one whacked-out lunatic at a time. We don’t want to be like whacked-out feminist lunatics, but we do want to inject some reality into the world. I have heard from guys who stumbled onto Red Quest… then used the links in the side bar to see what others are saying/writing/thinking… and it’s changed their lives. You can change someone’s life. This only really happens in blogs. Twitter is almost invisible to search, and it’s very now: what you say on Twitter no longer matters, three days after you say it. Reddit’s Red Pill is now “quarantined” and thus has been de-indexed by search engines. It’s up to all of us, as individuals, to carry the story forward. I’m helping to make this conversation happen, but I’m one man: for it to happen, you need to speak up too. If not you, who?

Overall, “Most guys don’t care much about getting laid, I hypothesize,” and that’s a key reason many guys aren’t telling their story.

How not to be boring on dates

You know boredom = death. You don’t know how to not be boring. “Talk Less. Listen More. Here’s How. Lessons in the art of listening, from a C.I.A. agent, a focus group moderator and more.”

Good listeners ask good questions. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned as a journalist is that anyone can be interesting if you ask the right questions. That is, if you ask truly curious questions that don’t have the hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting. Curious questions don’t begin with “Wouldn’t you agree…?” or “Don’t you think…?” and they definitely don’t end with “right?” The idea is to explore the other person’s point of view, not sway it.

Often it’s better to make statements than ask questions.

You also want to avoid asking people personal and appraising questions like “What do you do for a living?” or “What part of town do you live in?” or “What school did you go to?” or “Are you married?” This line of questioning is not an honest attempt to get to know who you’re talking to so much as rank them in the social hierarchy. It’s more like an interrogation and, as a former C.I.A. agent told me, interrogation will get you information, but it won’t be credible or reliable.

In social situations, peppering people with judgmental questions is likely to shift the conversation into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch. In other words, the kinds of conversations that make you want to leave the party early and rush home to your dog.

Instead, ask about people’s interests. Try to find out what excites or aggravates them — their daily pleasures or what keeps them up at night. Ask about the last movie they saw or for the story behind a piece of jewelry they’re wearing. Also good are expansive questions, such as, “If you could spend a month anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

Research indicates that when people who don’t know each other well ask each other these types of questions, they feel more connected than if they spent time together accomplishing a task. They are the same kinds of questions listed in the widely circulated article “36 Questions That Lead to Love” and are similar to the conversation starters suggested by the Family Dinner Project, which encourages device-free and listening-focused meals.

These are things players teach guys to do. Many guys are technical, focused on achievement, and blind to most of the emotions/feelings chicks have. Conversationally, many guys see in black and white, while chicks see in full color. Most chicks are not results-oriented, they’re feelings-oriented, so when guys try to talk about whatever they’re learning or their latest achievement, most chicks zone out. It’s even worse when the guy’s only achievement is from playing video games

There are exceptions. If a guy has learned something about dancing, acroyoga, theater, singing, etc., a lot of chicks will be interested in that. Lots of chicks are into gossip, but gossip is dangerous, if you make her think you’re not part of the secret society or are going to judge her sexually. Gossip is also irrelevant from online dates with girls who you don’t interact with socially.

Good conversationalists get that way through practice. If you’re the typical online social ret**d it’s going to take you a while to get there. You practice a little bit every day and after a couple years you get pretty good. Like everything else.

Socially skilled players also know when to break rapport. If she’s rambling on about her family, treating you like a girlfriend, etc., or extensively engaging in long, too-safe topics, it can be useful to break rapport, spike her sexually, etc. Every situation is different and no guy does this perfectly all the time. As usual, Krauser’s textbooks have loads of details on this subject and much more depth than I can offer. I have heard many chicks complain about boring conversations with guys and many guys complain that chicks seem bored and bitchy… rather than blaming chicks for being who they are or blaming guys for being who we are, I suggest pragmatically upping your skills, instead of complaining.

Pablo Picasso, the artist and player

Pablo Picasso, artist and hard-core player… we can see the hard-core player shine through the shrewish writer’s blinding hate in The entwined lives of Françoise Gilot and Pablo Picasso. “Over the previous three years, Gilot and Picasso—who were 21 and 61, respectively, when they met—had a drawn-out courtship and then spent a short period living together in Picasso’s Paris studio. The relationship hadn’t been entirely smooth, but it had been magnetic and intimate.” Damn, that guy was still tapping prime in his 60s. The artistic form of seduction gets too little play among Red Pill guys… it needs to be better foregrounded.

Picasso knows women better than any writing player I know of, “After reprimanding and trying to comfort her, he offered up his grand solution for Gilot’s problems: She should have a baby.” “You won’t know what it means to be a woman until you have a child.”

“By the time she met Picasso, Gilot had determined that she was going to be an artist.” One of the best ways for an attractive woman to get help is by f**king the artist. This route isn’t available to guys… we have to get by on our merits, not our p***ies. Now, second-rate women painters are getting their works put on in art museums because they f**ked first-rate male painters. Women can f**k their way to fame… I sound like I’m knocking it, but I’m not… if I could, I might. That option is foreclosed to me due to gender. Men and women are different.

Guys also know that a chick who is “artistic” in some way is really communicating that she likes to f**k… being “artistic” is like having tattoos… it says, “My parents divorced…” or “seduce me…” or “I am a s**t.” As is usual among women, Gilot doesn’t take responsibility for her romantic choices. She knew Picasso was a player… she got involved with him anyway… she later regretted it… then the regret became her reality. To women, the only reality is the one she feels right now. Women are fundamentally irresponsible, and as men we should know that. But we should also believe women who are trying to tell us they are irresponsible and not capable of consistency in their romantic affairs. Picasso’s personality is 100% clear from the beginning, but Gilot likes him because he’s famous and interesting. She was beautiful and could have had any stolid provider guy she wanted… but she chose to sail into the tempest. Beautiful women have all the choice in the world.

The tragedy of women is that their peak value hits in the mid to late teens, peaks in the mid 20s, and begins to decline by age 30. For some women value may remain pretty high but really begins to crater by age 40. The high value window is so brief. Many guys, if they work hard, can achieve peak value from the mid 20s all the way into the 50s. For women… that peak is far earlier. By age 40, a woman without a family is like a horse without legs: a tragedy. The other tragedy is that fewer women today see this fact coming. Instead, many women spend their days cramming their faces with sugars and wheat, staring into their phones like their phones will product a happy life (they will not), and complaining bitterly about where all the good men are.

Be extreme

I think every player has something “extreme” about him. Some examples being…

* Extremely good looking.

* Extremely charismatic.

* Extremely wealthy.

* Extremely obsessed with and good at cold approach (this is the Krauser and Tom Torero approach).

* Extreme artistic/creative skill.

In my case, I’m pretty extreme about diet and gym. I’m not very extreme about cold-approach pickup. I’m also pretty extreme about not wasting time on social media, TV, etc. It means I miss out on the sports/TV chat. It means people don’t get why I’m reading all the time. But my extreme habits are why I lead a very different life than most of my colleagues and peers.

Rolando points me to another example of this basic idea.

Low-cut top girl asks if I am a “fuckboy”

Got a text the day after our last session from Low-cut top girl saying, “Hey, I have to ask you this are you a fuckboy?” For context, I had sent her my typical “Good seeing you yesterday” text, and she replied saying she had a great time, then a couple hours later she sent that text. I laughed out loud when I read it and decided to ignore it for about 24 hours, in keeping with typical texting practice that focuses on logistics and retaining my own ability to concentrate.

I replied to her “I don’t know what that means.” In the same text, I invited her over, offering dates and times (covering logistics). She resisted at first saying that it’s important for her to know, and I said I’m not a big texting person and that we can talk in person. She agreed. In person I can gently probe what she means. I pretty much know… and that’s okay. I think I’m going to talk more about being sex positive and invite her to a club. I have lost chicks at points like this… while the seduction community is full of good responses to accusations of being a player, in reality girls who are mentally healthy and want a significant, one-on-one relationship are not going to hang around very long with a guy who isn’t going to give it to her.

You can increase the probability of retaining her with a good response, and I have a bunch, but you cannot guarantee it. I may be too indifferent with this one… I have a lot going on at the moment, more than I really want/need, so that makes it easy to be blasé, which is another word for “abundance mentality.” It’s also interesting that girls like the term “fuckboy” more than “player” now. I think.

This kind of conversation has gone both ways for me. I can tell Low-cut top girl is extremely interested because of how much she texts me, and she seems bothered that I don’t reply immediately most of the time. Attention is the only tool men have and I gave her a copy of Deep Work. She seemed to think that being given a book is weird. She seems to be continually thrown off balance by me. She also seems super basic, and to have had her one big relationship with a super basic guy. I still wish she were just a little bit hotter. She seems like a bad candidate for anything long term, as she is one of these girls who fancies herself as very intelligent when she is in fact not, and she seems to have had limited exposure to really intelligent people. It’s okay to not be that bright and understand that… it is bad to think you’re up there and not be. Being basic / average and owning that is fine… being basic / average and pretending you’re not, can be kind of annoying. I don’t say anything about that directly to her, as there’s no need, but I can feel it, and I think she can feel it. She has not read enough to know anything and hasn’t had nearly as much life experience as she thinks, so she is guided by her feelings and by random, anecdotal evidence, and mistakes that for wisdom. Not a super common set of characteristics, but I have seen it before.

The younger the girl, in my experience, the more desperately she wants rapid text replies, and the stranger she finds my texting habits. That’s okay with me, as I want to set frame appropriately and not be beholden to a flighty chick’s random notions and urges.

This post sounds more negative than it should. Low-cut top girl is mostly pleasant to be around and she obeys me sexually. I find her more entertaining than not, but I also know that girls who are entertaining because of their ignorance can become annoying for the same reason later. I feel like most of her challenges I have already seen from other girls, almost like she is just a Markov chain automated text generator spitting out typical female nonsense. Overall I am enjoying the sex with her, so I should probably shut up and enjoy the ride.

How do you avoid the Markov chain text generator feel? Learn a lot and try your best to think for yourself. Most chicks, unfortunately, do neither. Ms. Slav, does both pretty well, and that is part of the reason she is more interesting to be around than most chicks. Most guys don’t do this very well either… they select conversation topics from the fields SPORTS, WORK, or VIDEO GAMES. Or FAMILY, if they have one. Then they are surprised when chicks find them boring, or when other guys find them boring.

Overall, Low-cut top girl’s question at this stage is likely a form of comfort test, a subject that doesn’t get much play online because I think most guys never reach this stage.

Guys badly want social media to work. Here’s why it (mostly) doesn’t

Whenever I’m wasting time online, I see some guy asking about using social media to attract women, and sometimes I link him to “Men, game, and social media strategies,” which explains why it’s not likely to work, and then “Attention is the only tool modern men have,” which explains why social media is usually poison to strong game. I finally realized, after way too much time had elapsed, why these questions keep coming up: social media is easier (seeming) than other routes of getting laid. It can make guys feel like they’re making progress towards the getting-laid goal (“Look! I got 5 new followers today, bro!”) when in reality they’re not making real progress. Guys should be looking for the hard, authentic way.

Social media feels good because it’s easy, but it’s easy like soda or McDonald’s: all three are traps that ensnare the unwary. Guys imagine that if they just build an intense enough social network, they will get chicks coming to them, or that chicks will be so impressed with their Instagram stories or whatever that the chicks present for sex. I get it. I like the idea of some hot chick messaging me out of the blue for dates/sex. But in reality social media doesn’t or very rarely leads to lays.

Instead, it leads to frustration, because guys don’t realize that most chicks on social media are passively consuming, and the gap between passive consumption and activity in the real world is wide. A few guys who lead fantastically interesting and photogenic lives and can parlay their already interesting lives into an interesting Instagram feed that feeds on itself. DJs, surfers, some photographers, whatever. For the vast majority of normal guys, though, it’s not going to work. I have an account on most of the social media networks and use it only for one-to-one messaging, or sometimes one-to-many messaging. But I hardly post anything to the “story” or to the main feed. I am better off maintaining a sense of mystery.

Again, I am not saying it’s impossible to leverage social media into lays. For most guys, though, it’s not going to work and focusing on social media is a dodge designed to protect against the sting of real life rejection. If you are serious about getting laid, you are better off learning cold-approach pickup. And the worse people’s real-world social skills become, the more valuable cold-approach pickup becomes.

When you do the conventional social media thing, you waste way too much time. You post a bunch of stuff but it doesn’t add up to much. When a chick checks you out, you read like a basic guy, the kind of guy who is easy to “next.” When you post almost nothing, you can come off as intriguing, particularly if you have a strong in-person connection. In person I say things like, “Given how intense the real world is, isn’t it weird how many people waste their lives staring at their phones?” Things like that. Modern chicks, even the ones who waste their lives staring at their phones, will agree. Even social media addicts know social media is mostly garbage.

Do you need more garbage in your life?

Any minute you spend on social media would be better spent 1. In the gym, 2. Outside meeting chicks in the real world, 3. Making money, 4. Reading books, 5. Developing new skills. But you are tempted by social media because it’s easy.

On social media, you can be directly compared to hundreds, maybe thousands, of other guys, all at once. In the real world, you are usually being compared to zero, one, or at most two other guys. In the real world, you can almost immediately assess whether you’ve got a shot with a chick. If she doesn’t like you, she will walk a way, ask you to leave her alone, say she is not interested, etc.: precisely the things most guys are trying to avoid. Experienced players realize this is actually GOOD, because it gets rid of “no girls” right away.

This explanation is not going to stop guys from asking how to leverage social media, because everyone is looking for an easy way up the mountain. There is no easy way. When you get up the mountain, you realize the folly of seeking the easy way up.

Figured out why Vegas seems bad for daygame

In a couple posts, I wondered about being a player in Vegas. From my vague memories, mostly in the big casinos, it seemed like it might be a pretty decent place for it. Low cost, lots of tourist churn. But I figured out the problem, for daygame: almost no one goes outside, apart from a very small part of the Strip.

Most of Vegas consists of very long, very wide boulevards that discourage pedestrian traffic. In normal cities, there are sections where people get out of their cars and walk. If a player can live in or very close to one of these areas, he’ll have good logistics. I live within walking distance of two good bars, so for dates I meet chicks at the further one, then walk closer, then try to bounce her back (depending on how likely she seems for the lay). Suburbia rarely offers this dynamic, because everyone is in their cars, which reduces the rate of normal interaction and ease of logistics.

Vegas, however, has nowhere to walk except inside the casinos themselves and in a very small part of the strip. A guy who lives in Vegas could probably walk the Strip, picking up chicks, but he’ll have no way to walk them back to his place, because there is nowhere to live nearby. He’d almost certainly have to do some driving. The big condo complexes don’t have bars or coffee shops in their ground floors, so anytime a guy wants to go on a date, he has to drive to the date. Then get his girl to drive to his place. A logistical nightmare that will discourage casual sex.

Even for nightgame guys, you have to stay in the casino / club complex to get good logistics. That’s great for vacation but not good as a place to live. My guess is that guys who live in Vegas, end up online a lot, or hit the clubs and parties most of the time. Do a lot of girls land in Vegas, then fire up Tinder to line up dates? Seems plausible, but I will defer to guys who live in Vegas on that. I’ve also never been much into nightgame. I did a tiny bit when I was younger but didn’t like getting hammered.

In Vegas I only did one real open, on a Latina-looking chick with big tits who stared at me like a piece of steak while we were walking past each other, so that I had to say hi and give it a shot. Too strong an IOI to ignore. She was responsive but claimed she had a boyfriend and refused the number, despite being into the interaction. She might be the kind of girl who turns out to be hot or turns out to be fat, but I’m not going to find out.

Jane Jacobs described the problems with long, wide boulevards in The Death and Life of Great American Cities. Humans like short blocks and cities that mix retail and housing, so that most of what typical people want is within walking distance (a grocery store, a bar, etc.). Human-scale neighborhoods encourage interaction and walking, things that are key to players. You can’t really open a chick as she zooms past you in her car. The way most people live is antithetical to a good, connected life, as most people live in detached houses in distant suburbs where they have to drive everywhere. The only thing they can do at night is watch TV. I don’t watch TV. Why watch TV, when you can read or have sex?

Many Americans are miserable because they live in distant suburbs, then ruin their bodies in long, traffic-filled car commutes, then get back at night just to repeat the same boring process the next day.

In Vegas, a player probably could do daygame on casino floors, at least for a while, but I wonder if security would kick out daygamers. The casinos are these massive, self-enclosed fortresses. Again, the opposite of the human-scale cities where daygamers thrive.

My family sees me as pretty weird. I’m not fat. They like going to bars in Vegas… to get drunk… not really talk to new people… yell at each other… wake up hungover… then go eat more. Pretty boring and expensive in my view. I can be extremely profligate in some areas (e.g. I have paid for sex) but extremely frugal in others, especially around housing and transportation. I think most guys don’t have the ability to look into their souls and realize they buy the expensive cars and houses they do to attract women… but there are far cheaper, smarter ways to get to that end game.

I see the average guy as hopelessly frustrated and frustrated without understanding the situation he’s in.

My family also makes fun of me for my food habits, love of the gym, and love of biking (I rode the shitty, shitty bikeshare in Vegas… Lime and Jump are badly needed). I think a lot of people think I’m kind of insane. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the sane one, and everyone else is crazy: I want to live a socially connected life that respects and enhances bodily integrity. Everyone else seems to want to live a disconnected life that destroys the human body.