Guys badly want social media to work. Here’s why it (mostly) doesn’t

Practically every time I’m wasting time online, I see some guy asking about using social media to attract women, and sometimes I link him to “Men, game, and social media strategies,” which explains why it’s not likely to work, and then “Attention is the only tool modern men have,” which further elaborates why social media is usually poison to strong game. I finally realized why these questions keep coming up: social media is easier (seeming) than other routes of getting laid. It can make guys feel like they’re making progress towards the getting-laid goal (“Look! I got 5 new followers today, bro!”) when in reality they’re not making real progress. Guys should be looking for the hard, authentic way.

Social media feels good because it’s easy, but it’s easy like soda or McDonald’s is easy: both are traps that ensnare the unwary. Guys imagine that if they just build an intense enough social network, they will get chicks coming to them, or that chicks will be so impressed with their Instagram stories or whatever that the chicks present for sex. I get it. I like the idea of some hot chick messaging me out of the blue for dates/sex. But in reality social media doesn’t or very rarely leads to lays.

Instead, it leads to frustration, because guys don’t realize that most chicks on social media are passively consuming, and the gap between passive consumption and activity in the real world is wide. A few guys who lead fantastically interesting and photogenic lives and can parlay their already interesting lives into an interesting Instagram feed that feeds on itself. DJs, surfers, some photographers, whatever. For the vast majority of normal guys, though, it’s not going to work. I have an account on most of the social media networks and use it only for one-to-one messaging, or sometimes one-to-many messaging. But I hardly post anything to the “story” or to the main feed. I am better off maintaining a sense of mystery.

Again, I am not saying it’s impossible to leverage social media into lays. For most guys, though, it’s not going to work and focusing on social media is a dodge designed to protect against the sting of real life rejection. If you are serious about getting laid, you are better off learning cold-approach pickup. And the worse people’s real-world social skills become, the more valuable cold-approach pickup becomes.

When you do the conventional social media thing, you waste way too much time. You post a bunch of stuff but it doesn’t add up to much. When a chick checks you out, you read like a basic guy, the kind of guy who is easy to “next.” When you post almost nothing, you can come off as intriguing, particularly if you have a strong in-person connection. In person I say things like, “Given how intense the real world is, isn’t it weird how many people waste their lives staring at their phones?” Things like that. Modern chicks, even the ones who wate their lives staring at their phones, will agree. Even social media addicts know social media is mostly garbage.

Do you need more garbage in your life?

Any minute you spend on social media would be better spent 1. In the gym, 2. Outside meeting chicks in the real world, 3. Making money, 4. Reading books, 5. Developing new skills. But you are tempted by social media because it’s easy.

On social media, you can be directly compared to hundreds, maybe thousands, of other guys, all at once. In the real world, you are usually being compared to zero, one, or at most two other guys. In the real world, you can almost immediately assess whether you’ve got a shot with a chick. If she doesn’t like you, she will walk a way, ask you to leave her alone, say she is not interested, etc.: precisely the things most guys are trying to avoid. Experienced players realize this is actually GOOD, because it gets rid of “no girls” right away.

This explanation is not going to stop guys from asking how to leverage social media, because everyone is looking for an easy way up the mountain. There is no easy way. When you get up the mountain, you realize the folly of seeking the easy way up.

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Figured out why Vegas seems bad for daygame

In a couple posts I wondered about being a player in Vegas. From my vague memories, mostly in the big casinos, it seemed like it might be a pretty decent place for it. Low cost, lots of tourist churn. But I figured out the problem, for daygame: almost no one goes outside, apart from a very small part of the Strip.

Most of Vegas consists of very long, very wide boulevards that discourage pedestrian traffic. In normal cities, there are sections where people get out of their cars and walk. If a player can live in or very close to one of these areas, he’ll have good logistics. I live within walking distance of two good bars, so for dates I meet chicks at the further one, then walk closer, then try to bounce her back (depending on how likely she seems for the lay). Suburbia rarely offers this dynamic, because everyone is in their cars, which reduces the rate of normal interaction and ease of logistics.

Vegas, however, has nowhere to walk except inside the casinos themselves and in a very small part of the strip. A guy who lives in Vegas could probably walk the Strip, picking up chicks, but he’ll have no way to walk them back to his place, because there is nowhere to live nearby. He’d almost certainly have to do some driving. The big condo complexes don’t have bars or coffee shops in their ground floors, so anytime a guy wants to go on a date, he has to drive to the date. Then get his girl to drive to his place. A logistical nightmare that will discourage casual sex.

Even for nightgame guys, you have to stay in the casino / club complex to get good logistics. That’s great for vacation but not good as a place to live. My guess is that guys who live in Vegas, end up online a lot, or hit the clubs and parties most of the time. Do a lot of girls land in Vegas, then fire up Tinder to line up dates? Seems plausible, but I will defer to guys who live in Vegas on that. I’ve also never been much into nightgame. I did some when I was younger but didn’t like getting hammered. Check out this report from Pancake Mouse for Vegas nightgame details. He says:

>> We hit up the gym and traded some Tinder tips. My buddy showed me some of the girls he has closed from Tinder and my jaw dropped. This guy is overweight, bald, and Indian, with a strong accent. He looks actually worse than many of the guys here complaining about not getting laid.

>> Fellas, this fucking Indian guy is closing girls HOTTER THAN YOU ARE. 6.5s to 7.5s. The occasional 8. And all because he has hustled to improve his Tinder photos, bio, text game, and date game. He also moved from St. Louis to Vegas to concentrate on improving at Game. The next time some Indian guy claims he can’t get girls, I will pistol whip him with this guy’s story.

I only did one real open, on a Latina-looking chick with big tits who stared at me like a piece of steak while we were walking past each other, so that I had to say hi and give it a shot. Too strong an IOI to ignore. She was responsive but claimed she had a boyfriend and refused the number, despite being into the interaction. She might be the kind of girl who turns out to be hot or turns out to be fat, but I’m not going to find out.

Jane Jacobs described the problems with long, wide boulevards in The Death and Life of Great American Cities. Humans like short blocks and cities that mix retail and housing, so that most of what typical people want is within walking distance (a grocery store, a bar, etc.). Human-scale neighborhoods encourage interaction and walking, things that are key to players. You can’t really open a chick as she zooms past you in her car. The way most people live is antithetical to a good, connected life, as most people live in detached houses in distant suburbs where they have to drive everywhere. The only thing they can do at night is watch TV. I don’t watch TV. Why watch TV, when you can read or have sex?

Many Americans are miserable because they live in distant suburbs, then ruin their bodies in long, traffic-filled car commutes, then get back at night just to repeat the same boring process the next day.

In Vegas, a player probably could do daygame on casino floors, at least for a while, but I wonder if security would kick out daygamers. The casinos are these massive, self-enclosed fortresses. Again, the opposite of the human-scale cities where daygamers thrive.

My family sees me as pretty weird. I’m not fat. They like going to bars in Vegas… to get drunk… not really talk to new people… yell at each other… wake up hungover… then go eat more. Pretty boring and expensive in my view. I can be extremely profligate in some areas (e.g. I have paid for sex) but extremely frugal in others, especially around housing and transportation. I think most guys don’t have the ability to look into their souls and realize they buy the expensive cars and houses they do to attract women… but there are far cheaper, smarter ways to get to that end game.

I see the average guy as hopelessly frustrated and frustrated without understanding the situation he’s in.

My family also makes fun of me for my food habits, love of the gym, and love of biking (I rode the shitty, shitty bikeshare in Vegas… Lime and Jump are badly needed). I think a lot of people think I’m kind of insane. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the sane one, and everyone else is crazy: I want to live a socially connected life that respects and enhances bodily integrity. Everyone else seems to want to live a disconnected life that destroys the human body.