The positive, light-side frame, not the negative, dark-side frame

This turned into a non-actionable ramble, but it is a fundamental statement of my views and psychology… it emerged in response to this Nash comment, so if you want to understand the context, check that first.

In the RP and seduction communities, I get the sense that some guys (maybe most?) are kind of cold/damaged. They’ve failed too many times and are seeking revenge, or seeking to “get a free one” off chicks. Or to get a chick in the inferior position, so that HE has the power (for once) and will get to feel what it’s like to have arbitrary power over another person. None of those are good primary frames, in my view, even if they can be attractive at times.

I actually try to cultivate kindness… BUT not being “nice” or weak. I’m very keen on reciprocity as a fundamental part of the human experience, and I’m cagey about people trying to steal value. I don’t think I’m “nice.” I will be very angry if someone tries to use me, or get one over on me, although in the modern world that means “withdraw attention” is usually the only option.

BUT. We are also stuck on this planet together, and I would like to make the world a better place. I really do believe game makes the world a better place, as chicks want to be seduced by competent guys and of course guys want to seduce hot chicks. There are some ways that our biologies have caused incentives to be mismatched between guys and chicks. To fail to acknowledge that would be stupid. Within that context, however, I try to create “win-win” wherever possible, while also acknowledging that, of course, sometimes it is not possible to do “win-win.” I try to find chicks who want to do the same thing.

“Win-win” means trying to make sure the chick has the opportunity to get off. It means holding her after. Even in group sex situations, it is common to hold the chick after… she has had an intense experience, and needs to be helped down from it. It means that I usually have some food around, so we can have a snack. Most chicks are too dumb or self-centered to do these things, but some are self-aware enough to do them. A lot of chicks report most guys are not doing this stuff. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s a factor of chicks trying to get guys +1 or +2 SMV compared to them, and then they get what they give.

I don’t like the view, even if it’s purely psychological, that the goal of seduction is to get one over on the chick, or to punish the chick for all the times a chick has been a bitch to the guy. A guy should protect his value from chicks (or anyone) who will take it… but he should also try to be generous where and when possible. Especially in low-cost, high-value situations. Like holding a chick after he’s f**ked her. Simple thing that will make her experience much better.

Or invite chicks to the gym… to read a book he thinks is good… etc. It’s both good for the chick and also gives you information about her. A basic, lazy ignorant chick is probably only good for one thing, and she can be mentally put into that one-thing bucket. A highly responsive chick might be good for other things. When you find a chick who also wants to make the world a better place, that is valuable information. When you find a chick who wants to wants to watch TV, eat junk food, and complain… that is also valuable information. Obviously there are many gradations between the two.

Many guys, I sense, never get to the stage where they are seriously evaluating the chick, and discarding the chicks who aren’t any good. So if they struggle and struggle, then get to the stage where they have choice… they are sometimes tempted to be mean to the chick. Experienced guys learn that is very rarely good. Most of the time, simple disconnection is the right response to mean, bad, lazy, or stupid chicks. Trying to be mean in return… is rarely a good idea. Sometimes it might be. But very rarely.

I sense that a lot of guys in pickup, seduction, RP (distinct communities at times, but I will put them together my purposes now) want to present a bravado front… look at me, the great player/wizard, with all these chicks before me… I can treat them like dirt, or at least not very well, and they still come back for me… and if she doesn’t come back for more, BEHOLD!, for she will be replaced by another chick, for I am the great player/wizard of seduction, ready to replace that chick.

OF COURSE, sometimes a chick should be replaced. Of course, a guy is only as good as his options. Of course, a guy should be seeking new leads if his plate is not totally full. BUT, he should also try to improve the lives of the chicks he’s f**king, if he can, to the extent he can, while making sure that he only acts in ways that the chick merits. If he senses even for a moment that the chick is using him, or is withdrawing because of his generative nature… then he must pull back.

Top chicks, especially top chicks who are mentally sound, will respond will to a generative person. F**ked up chicks may respond less well. But I want more mentally sound chicks in my life, and fewer messes. You get what you give… there are some exceptions to that principle, but over time and over many scenarios, it plays out.

Nothing is perfect, and I have misjudged chicks and situations before. But I still want my basic frame and mode of being in the world to be positive and to be building new and good things. That can be executed in many different ways… with a chick you’ve just f**ked, though, it usually means you should hold her after. People want to connect with each other. In some ways, we have a very “cold” society in which we’re heavily disconnected. I like game because it creates the connections people yearn for but often don’t know how to make for themselves, anymore.

Enough ramble… I could keep going. I think the basic idea is here, though. If guys want to see more of my not-immediately-actionable ramble posts, there is a tag for them.

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Sonny Arvado and Pancake Mouse on the image match and reciprocity

This turned into a ramble post… enter at your own risk.

I read 29 Truths About Game because of Pancake Mouse’s link, and it is an interesting post very much in the vein of Good Looking Loser (it sounds like Chris from GLL and even reads like it at times). Sonny Arvado is very much of the “get jacked and go hit on chicks” school. I notice this: “the Karmic Laws of the Universe are pretty airtight” and “People tend to get their IMAGE MATCH. They date people on a similar level in the eyes of society.” This seems mostly true. It’s very uncommon to see incredibly disparate people together. When you do see it, it stands out. When I brought Ms. Slav to Thanksgiving, we stood out… she is too young for me in the eyes of most people, so we made no sense together. But she feels much more mature for her age than most chicks her age, and I… well, I am the “black sheep” in many ways. SA Girl and some other chicks from my life have been like this too. The older I get… the wider the age spread gets… the more I experience this disjunction.

BUT: I also stand out among my peer group. I am more serious about diet and lifting than pretty much anyone else I know. I watch less TV and do less social media than pretty much anyone else I know who is my age and younger. I’m not sure that these young tight chicks are my “image match.” But there is less separation between us than there is for most guys my age and younger chicks. This is why game people say guys need to work on value and value delivery mechanisms together. Only do value, and you are on the self-improvement hamster wheel instead of getting laid. Only do value delivery, and if you don’t have underlying value, most hotter chicks will blow you off.

It helps to have a life that is somewhat, a little bit together. I have met chicks whose lives are not going well. They are not fun to be around, even when they are physically attractive. Their desperation manifests itself, sometimes in strange ways. Bike Girl was a little bit like this. Her life was okay but she had no career, at an age when career-focused girls (and guys) are really starting to ascend, and people who focus on partying and/or just drifting / dreaming / arts are starting to struggle or suffer. The older you are, the harder it is to be the party guy, without substantial financial resources. Not impossible, just harder. (All generalization I make should be seen as generalizations… I can think of exceptions to all of them.)

I have gone on some dates with chicks who admit their primary dating goal is getting a free meal because they have no money. I prefer later meets at alcohol venues… that avoids such chicks pretty easily.

The guys who completely neglect looks, though, pretty much suffer. We live in the wealthiest time period in human history. Most girls who want to be self-sufficient, will be self-sufficient, easily. Most attractive girls can sell sex any time they like, ranging from full-on sex to being a restaurant hostess. Attractive chicks don’t want or need money alone. Money and earning power is nice, layered on an attractive guy, but it is rarely enough. Maybe for guys with really spectacular amounts of money. Not for guys who are anywhere near normal. And a guy who is “money first” will at best attract girls who feel the same. Not a smart thing. The best girls are typically looking for the “full package.”

One advantage with younger girls is that they rarely reek of desperations (“rarely” is not “never,” like girls trying to steal meals from stupid guys online). They may be making bad choices, but the bad choices haven’t yet caught up with them. Chicks in their late 20s to early 30s, often stew in their bad choices. I have dated some of these chicks, seen the hungry look in their eyes when they see me and think, “Okay, he’s dominant and non-pussy enough, but he’s also got a job… I should take this one and make him mine.” Hasn’t worked yet. I’m pretty lucky I’ve not gotten baby-trapped.

It’s also possible to change girls’s personalities, somewhat. Not totally. Most chicks who get with me find that they read more, they cook more, they work out more, and they spend somewhat less time in bars. They also go to different kinds of parties.

I have had consistent interesting challenges where girls want to go to generic concerts and I do not. Like, at all. I’m fine with chicks going to concerts, although I know that most people also use concerts to change their mental states and put them in a more sexual frame of mind. Chicks who like concerts or even worse music festivals very much go in my “low priority” box.

I’ve also never been much a nightgame guy. I just don’t like it. I find it boring and fake. One reason I like sex clubs is because I find them exciting and authentic (in the right circumstances, on the right nights… on the wrong night they are horrible and I leave). I did do some parties and bar things in my early to mid 20s, when my entire peer group was also doing those things, but they didn’t favor my personality much then and they REALLY don’t favor my personality much now.

Some young chicks find me boring, and they are pretty much right. A super high-energy chick who wants to go out three to five nights a week… is not going to like me much. And I’m not going to like her. Those kinds of girls also either have to be rich with family money, or they are going to burn out quickly. I’m not big on economically dysfunctional girls, as that is usually also an indication of psychological dysfunction. I can go there, but those girls will often not be into me.

Like finds like.

I like what Arvado says about “Like finds like.” Krauser’s story is interesting because he has some pictures of himself and his friend Mike in his memoirs, and they’re both fat. If not outright fat, at least tubby. Yet they seem to overcome some of their physical deficits through sheer effort. That’s pretty impressive to me. But they both meld their ENTIRE lives around pickup. Sounds hard and exhausting.

I do know a lot of people, but often through business. So hot young chicks who are party animals will find me boring. But young chicks who attend to more conventional status markers will like what they see, sometimes.

I like making and learning things.

I tend to like girls who are above-average in intelligence. I don’t mind average-intelligence girls, but they tend not to like me so much. A lot of girls who are most into me, find most guys kind of boring. I have been told a lot that I am strange because I’m very interested in body/physical development but am not a stupid meathead. Many girls seem to think they must have one or the other. As regular readers know I like some very unconventional things, and try to lead new girls into those things, which repels some girls but intensely attracts others. Girls have said they don’t know what box to put me in. That makes sense, actually. They are also seeing the results of someone who has spent almost no time watching TV, playing video games, or being on social media. When you cut out a lot of the crap and instead spend time learning and developing, you get interesting results. Uncommon results. Chicks are used to common guys, or guys who uncommon in a few specific ways. They are not used to guys who have focused on both mind and body. They are often a little wrong-footed as they get to know me.

Chicks also recognize that high-status guys are often on the market for pretty short periods of time. A chick has to act fast.

So this is a bit of a ramble. I don’t know how much you have to learn from Sonny, beyond GET JACKED and do the right diet… useful, sure. I have written before that there are some kind of silly debates between “inner” and “outer” game.

I find them silly because the two tend to feed into each other. Guys who improve their own psychologies tend to also improve their bodies, fashion, living situation, etc. Guys who lift, dress better, stand up straight, etc. tend to also improve their interior mental status. “Inner” and “outer” are recursive feedback loops. Work on them both. Let one influence the other. You can find guys with greater outer and no inner and vice-versa, they are just rare.

I have spent a lot of my life working on self development. When a chick is with me, I tend to try and help her work on her own self development too. Chicks who don’t want to do that, tend not to stay with me much. They get bored and leave.

Chicks tell me they can’t figure me out… I like that. I am not so complicated and don’t want to pretend to be. But most chicks, they seem to encounter guys who are all mind or all muscle (or neither). Then they find me… who is pretty hard to push around and has been for a while (I was easier to push around when I was younger and dumber).

Always with the single moms

I mentioned going to a BBQ for the Fourth of July, and it was okay. Most entertaining was the single mom there, a friend-of-a-friend thing who saw me and made it her mission to ruthlessly hit on me. I felt a little bit like young hot chicks must feel. That wasn’t the first time such a thing happened, either. I think I read as good single-mom bait because from the outside I seem responsible and reasonably economically successful, and I’m in the same boat, so other people my age think it’s “natural” for me to get set up with 30+ single moms. It’s “age-appropriate.”

But I’m not into being “age appropriate” (a concept chicks use to denigrate their rivals) and am very rarely interested. Mind, I’m not automatically and always opposed to chicks who have already reproduced. The Internet is filled with guys who only bang hotties decades younger than them, all of whom are, I’m sure, telling the truth, but I can be happy with older chicks who still got it.

One of my long-term, occasional lovers is a woman in her early 40s who is hotter than many 20-year-olds, mostly because the older woman is naturally very slender and was a professional dancer. She still works in dance and reads as late 20s. I think she’s had a little work on her face. She loves sex and it took her about 15 years to get over her sexual inhibitions (as she once said to me, “If I could go back in time, I would have been the biggest slut in college.” She gets off, hard, on being called “slut” in bed). I met her through the non-monogamy scene, and she has a husband who tried to hang with her but couldn’t. He’s got no sex appeal, so she does her thing on her own and he can do his thing but doesn’t have what it takes. I think he has some sort of girlfriend, but she doesn’t bring him to events.

Fine with me. Another case of mis-matched libido. I get what I want and don’t worry about the other guy, or even her main boyfriend. Major point is that she has a good body type for getting older and hasn’t let herself go. She also has nice, goofy, non-bitchy energy, and that’s refreshing compared to many of her peers. She’s almost divorced her husband a couple times but didn’t quite get there.

So, I’m not such an aesthete that I can’t get behind the right mom, but the one at the BBQ was too fat and likely old. I did my usual in that situation: didn’t say too much, but when I did talk, I only talked about lifting, fitness, and nutrition. Conversations normal people find very boring. At the end I told her she can come to the gym with me sometime. I even told her to look me up on Facebook. This one may show up, based on her eagerness.

Somewhere around age 30, hanging out with people my own age got much worse. At age 20 or 25, hanging out with peers brought innumerable sexual opportunities. Now, I have to seek those opportunities out, because they don’t arise by hanging out with people my own age. At the same time, I can’t really hang with packs of 25-year-olds. I mean, it’s not impossible, but for generic 25-year-olds I’m the “old guy” in the room, and that’s usually not a great place to be.

Everyone (actually, I mean “every woman”) thinks that I should be their divorced friend’s first stop. I’m attractive enough to be a catch but not so attractive as to be intimidating. And most of my corporate and vanilla friends don’t know much about my other lives, in game and non-monogamy. Some do… with enough drinks to let the dirty laundry out and to make things plausibly deniable the next morning, I’ll talk a little. But that wasn’t the situation at the BBQ. Most the guests were well over 30 or under 10. Not a good place for finding chicks. I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll find myself near a predatory single mom or that one of my friends will attempt to set me up with one.

“When you’ve done it all, what then?”

(WARNING: This post is another ramble. Skip it if you want to read anything useful.) 

When you’ve done it all, what then?” does the stupid celebrity profile things (it’s about wanker and blow-hard Russell Brand), but it also says,

When you’ve done it all, what then? When you’ve smoked all the crack, eaten all the chocolate, had all the sex, made all the money, and been on all the talk shows—where do you go next? Because there it is, squatting on the far side of adulation: nothingness. “Celebrities,” the Buddhist scholar Robert Thurman once said, “are in a very interesting position. They’ve already achieved great fame, success, and wealth, and they’ve realized that those things alone don’t bring happiness; that, in fact, they can be a real pain in the neck.” Or, as Russell Brand puts it, tunneling toward enlightenment in the 2015 documentary Brand: A Second Coming, “Fame and power and money is bullshit.”

Fame and power and money are not bullshit (look how he’s not giving any of them up), but there is a little something to this idea. What happens when you’ve achieved the goals? I’ve had a lot less sex than Brand and made a lot less money and been on zero talk shows, but I have had a fair amount of sex and made enough money to be not too worried about money. To the extent the game is for me about “proving to myself that I can do it,” I’ve proved it.

I ask myself, what is “the deep psychology that keeps men in the game?” Despite recent posts and stories about chicks, I feel like I’m on my way out of the game. But out of the game and into… what? I don’t know. The usual things that guys do when they get tired of nailing random chicks are things I’ve already done (career, kids). I do think there’s a reason a lot of players hit 35 – 40 and quit their game blogs. There is some diminishing marginal utility, and some sense of, “Oh, this again.” In the moment it can be intoxicating, I don’t and will never deny it, but especially afterwards I’m still myself, still doing what I do, still wondering what I wonder.

I don’t think it’s productive to chase “happiness” (what is “happiness?”). So what is the next goal? In my post-puberty life, the goal has been chasing skirt. Sometimes I chat with guys my age who are filled with longing and fantasy they think will never be fulfilled. I feel bad for them. But I also know the reality is that, the day after you fulfill your fantasy, you will still wake up and face the day and live the life.

For me writing could be the answer. I’ve thought about writing a game blog before, but I worried it would take too much focus away from work and the rest of my life (I was right about that). But game blogs are best written as they happen. I’ll probably end up devolving into stupid stuff like ranting about modern feminism. Not nearly as interesting as banging actual chicks. But I think I’m going to end up in a longer-term relationship at some point, with someone. The horror, right? I just have to figure out what that relationship will be about.

Most male-female couple relationships are about

  1. Sex.
  2. Bearing and raising children.
  3. (Often) the guy subsidizing the chick while she does #2.

Modern relationships are fucked up because game-aware guys don’t need long-term relationships for sex. They shouldn’t marry regarding number two. So what are modern relationships about? Helping someone achieve a life project or becoming a better person, probably. But most chicks are utterly incapable of doing either. No wonder most long-term relationships are dysfunctional. The things marriage used to be based on are dead or radically altered.

So what is there? Right? Most guys chase sex, money, status… the latter two just being proxies to get to the sex.

The weird thing is “getting there.” A guy gets the sex, the money (enough), the status (enough), and then what? I’m pretty much there. Not as there as Russell Brand, but much more so than the typical guy. But I’m not a Buddhist. I’m not content to just be.

I don’t know how many guys get in this state. I think most guys never nail enough chicks to think, “Okay, I’ve just nailed a bunch of chicks, now what?” It’s a self-indulgent question and problem. Self-indulgent or not, I think about it. I’ve not “done it all.” I don’t think there is such a thing. But I’ve done a lot.

The true pickup “artists” may keep going into senescence. An artist keeps making art until incapacity or the end. I don’t think pickup or railing chicks is my art, despite my penchant for making porn, sometimes called “erotic art” to chicks who need that frame. I could need a true art. A kind of weird statement for a commerce guy like me.

The game challenge: doing what’s unnatural

After this girl got in my head, I’ve felt the overwhelming urge to over-contact her. I know intellectually that to give into that urge is a mistake (the same urge I felt with the girl in the last third of this post). Any time I start to think about her, and the crush brewing, I have to stop myself and ask the key question, “Will you sending her something right now raise your chances or lower them?”

I know the answer is “lower them.” If you, dear reader, know anything about game, you know that little kills attraction as fast as neediness. But in my excitement about her, I want to send her a text or Snapchat; yes, she’s so young she still uses Snapchat. I want her to be as excited about me as I am about her, but I’m pretty sure she’s not.

This is also a problem I have in particular with girls who let me go in bare. The connection is much, much stronger and deeper than if I wear a condom. With a condom it’s still good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s never as overpowering and amazing and connecting as it is without. Online, everyone claims to consistently use condoms. Offline, in the real world, it’s another story.

The more general lesson about game is that game teaches guys to do things that are “unnatural” or that they wouldn’t think to do on their own. It’s like boxing or yoga in that respect. In boxing, you must be trained to step back with your back foot, or a trained opponent will smite you. In yoga, most of us don’t think carefully about our alignment and range of motion unless we receive specific training in it. In game, it’s often best to cold approach strangers (not my strongest skillset to be honest). To not contact as much as you’d like to contact.

There are others, I’m sure, and if you’re a guy reading this and have good examples, leave them in the comments or write about them on your own blog. I’m sure I’m missing many examples.

Another (possible) example: inexperienced, stupid guys have a tendency to put a girl on a pedestal, which is exactly the wrong frame. The right frame is to understand that for pretty much every pretty girl out there, some guy is fucking her. My goal as a man is to be that guy.

The best thing I can say to the girl from Thursday, this weekend, is nothing. I got a strong positive Snapchat from her on Friday morning, reciprocated somewhat Friday evening, and got something back from her right after I sent it, but I know I need to chill the fuck out. The next time I can plausibly see her is Monday. It bugs to me to know there’s a very good chance she’s out partying and possibly fucking other guys this weekend, but I have no strong way to counter that and personal commitments as well.

I need to focus on my goals for this weekend, but the girl from Thursday keeps popping into my head. Because this seems hard to me, I write them out instead. It’s hard for me not to open Darktable on my MacBook and check out the pics I took, but I know that’s a mistake for my psychologically. Part of the game (part of being alive and effective, really) is managing your own psychology. Typically I’m pretty good at this, but this one has lodged in my head. It’s probably just her hotness that’s fogging me. I need to put her out of my mind and hope that writing this will let me do so.

Turning down marginal notches

I don’t know what it means when a guy begins turning down marginal notches. Maybe it means nothing other than that he’s bored of sex for its own sake. In my 20s, I basically went out of my way to sleep with any woman who I thought at all acceptable. Sometime in my early 30s, I stopped.

For inexperienced guys, it’s almost always a good idea to gain experience and go for the marginal lays. F**king a lot of different chicks will improve your knowledge of women, sex, the variety of female psychologies, etc. Often there is some attractive feature of a woman you can focus on. Even if you’re not 100% into the woman’s body or body type, doggystyle can still usually be pretty good.

To be sure, truly ugly women aren’t worth going for… there are many women I have turned down since I was very young: fat ones, most commonly. A few religious ones, in high school and early college, who I realized were time wasters and not going to have sex regardless of whether they liked me or how hard I tried.

As an adult, the most common problem I see among marginal women is, “Just a little bit too heavy.” I met one of those a while ago, and if she’d been just a few years younger or a few pounds lighter I probably would’ve gone for her. But she wasn’t and I couldn’t be bothered… a part of me still thinks, “She’s an easy lay, you should do her.” A larger part of me that thinks, “She won’t look that good naked anyway, and will the experience be better than a good book?” Probably not.

I stopped keeping track of numbers a long time ago. Every guy whose number is low thinks numbers matter: the paradox is that guys whose number is high come to realize the number doesn’t mean much. Women can sense the difference. Just like they can sense the difference between sex-positive guys who encourage their sexuality and sex-negative guys who will shame them.

(I’m not saying shame has no place. It does for a guy who wants a monogamous relationship and kids that he knows are his.)

Some guys, maybe even me when I was younger, chase sex because of the physical pleasure, yes, but also the sense of validation, achievement, fulfillment, etc. Once a guy has done it enough, however, he realizes that the validation is empty for anyone but himself. No one really cares who he is f**king except him. And no matter how amazing it was the night before, the next morning he wakes up and still does whatever he does and is whoever he is.

This post is probably boring to many of you, and if I had read a similar piece when I was in my 20s I likely would’ve dismissed the guy as a jag-off and gone back to hounding. Beautiful women and sex excite me, but they are not so dominant as they were, and marginal chicks hold very few learning experiences for me. Maybe biology is catching up with me.

Like I said, though, for younger guys with less sex/woman experience, marginal notches are still valuable. And f**king almost any okay-looking chick raises your sexual market value in the eyes of other chicks. When you know your value is high, and you have experience with a decently large number of chicks, you don’t need the marginal chicks so much, though you may f**k one occasionally anyway, particularly in the middle of a dry spell.

I think I expected threesomes, group sex, sex with insanely hot chicks, etc. to make me into someone or something else. None of those things did. They might have at the very beginning, as a form of proof to myself or my psyche, but they don’t anymore. I know I can, but now what?

The perils of younger women

Last night I slept with a woman I first met a while ago, from this story. We met when she was on a bad date (I’ve actually picked up a couple women this way). She was in her early 40s, still very lithe, but no honest guy prefers a woman in her early 40s to a woman in her 20s, all else being equal, for sex. There are obviously fatties in their 20s and some women are still cute in their 40s, but on average the 2o-something wins.

Between the last time I saw her and now, this woman got in a semi-serious relationship with another guy and the relationship fizzled, so she sent a “how are you?” feeler text to me, we got drinks, and then the usual.

But I wasn’t that excited about her. Bike Girl is in her 20s and man, after getting used to an attractive woman in her 20s, going back to a 40+ woman is hard. Harder than it should be. Objectively this one is still attractive. If I’d not had sex for a week, I’m sure I’d have been all over her. But with Bike Girl eager for sex even more often than I am, I just didn’t have the umph necessary to make it work, and I think lithe former dancer knew as much.

This one also has something sad about her. She was in a 10+ year relationship and it was never the “right time” to have kids. Reading between the lines, I think she just got bored of her guy, and vice-versa. She basically blew her fertility window on nothing. I meet a lot of women like this. They usually have one LTR that “didn’t work out” or some similar female nonsense and deeply regret not having kids. Or they’re furiously trying to find a guy to have kids with, but they’re finding that their whole dating market structure changed a lot, without them really noticing, between 22 and 35. None have read an older article, “Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough,” because they’re too busy with Cosmo or whatever other dumb shit most women read.

Enough of that. The last ten or so cold approaches I’ve done (a couple on the street, one in a grocery store, a couple in coffee shops) have gone nowhere. A couple of weak numbers. I may lack the necessary intent. And the time.

Bike Girl is also getting more comfortable with non-monogamy. We had the foursome, and soon we’re going to try a MFM threeway with my “threesome buddy.” He’s into the non-monogamy swinging community and we’ve done this many times before. Bike Girl is apprehensive, but in a cute way. She says she’s never met anyone like me before, but I tell her, truthfully, that she likely has, but without recognizing it.

I do think I’m making her a little too insecure for non-monogamy.

Of course, it’s also possible that she’s seeing someone on the side and not telling me. I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as “not that kind of girl.” Or if there is, I (and men in general) can’t reliably distinguish between “not that kind of girl” and “that kind of girl.”

Girls are also experts at compartmentalizing. Most guys don’t know this or don’t want to know it. They prefer a “purity” fantasy. Ha.

Haha.

I started this post about the older woman and almost immediately shifted it to being about other women, so I suppose that’s all I need to know about that.