Lots of swings and lots of misses (FR)

[This happened before coronavirus shut the world down, but I didn’t put up the story right away.] 

Went to a party without a date… but I went with friends who vouched for me and functioned as dates. They brought extra girls (who weren’t appealing to me, physically or intellectually/psychologically, but that happens). The girls took some drug that made them very friendly.

I knew a few girls at the party, including this one (again)… and she is now ROUGH. When I first started seeing her I’d have given her an 8… by the time I wrote about cutting her loose she was more like a low 8/high 7 and now she is like a 6… not fat, exactly, but weird rolls of stomach fat and fat legs. I saw some girl going down on her and thought “She is only 26 and looks awful.” Her life is a trainwreck too, and the fall over a short period of time is a testament to the destructive power of drugs, even “legal” drugs (of the wrong kind and taken too frequently). I feel bad for her, because all of her relationships, whether with friends, lovers, roommates, etc., have been severed, often abruptly and in a difficult way, by her behavior… and she doesn’t appear to understand why. I pity her. Drugs and other problems are ruining her life and career. I may check in and see if she’s trying to get off them.

Met a couple who didn’t know each other well and had met recently… a couple who don’t know each other well and aren’t officially dating means that the girl may be up for grabs (something that I don’t think I thought to include in the book). The girl was somewhere between a high 6 and mid 7 but I liked her vibe… she was bouncing with excitement and pleasure when I met her, and enthusiasm is infectious, like coronavirus, but less dangerous. She’s also a kinky slut, and much later I picked up her contact details, and her dates’s.

Did a ton of spanking & flogging. Few people there appeared to know what they were doing with BDSM and the fact that I’ve developed those skills seemed to set me apart. Lots of audience, which started with me spanking my friend. Didn’t seem like anyone else brought floggers.

Closest shot on goal was a girl, Alyssa, who I spanked and who LIKED pain. I spanked another girl who was super cute, with a newbie boyfriend. Great to spank but said she has high pain tolerance (she doesn’t). Then her boyfriend wanted to be spanked, for some reason, to know what it was like? Not my favorite thing to do but it seemed like a moment when I ought to just go for it, so I did, and explained to him what I was doing, what I think about, how I check in with the girl, etc. So it was like half spanking, half tutorial. Couldn’t tell if I was getting bi vibes off him… I hope not. But the main way people learn this stuff is peer to peer, so I did some education? Don’t fully know how to interpret this, so the question marks.

Alyssa… I really worked over her ass and thighs. Long warm-up. Lots of flogging, eventually leading to full-on backhand, like a tennis player’s backstroke, with a paddle. The buildup allowed her to access that part of her. Most guys rush girls too much at every level, from the first kiss to the foreplay to the f**king, when girls want guys to move like 50% slower. Not so slow as to be languid, but more deliberately than most guys go. Be assertive enough for her to know your desire but understand chicks need more time than most guys give them. Alyssa did a lot of kind of annoying topping from the bottom, but I didn’t know her and so didn’t call her out on it. Spent a long time working her over, and interleaving touching gently and some kissing. Very passionate kissing. After, I asked her for sex and she said no but that she wanted to see me later. Later, we went to another area and talked, then made out some. I moved her around some, which she seemed to like, and set her up to grind. It was erotic, feeling her hips move and the sharp intakes of breath as she got going. I got about half hard, which she could feel, then she backed off again, saying she wasn’t into sex that night.

Some more negotiations followed and Alyssa didn’t want to f**k, Although she didn’t say it, she knew exactly what I was trying to do by heating her up, and she didn’t want to do it and only wanted to make out. She negged me by saying that I seem “goal oriented.” I laughed… she’s not wrong. Didn’t have a great response, honestly, because agreeing made me seem a little slimy, and the opposite wasn’t true and claiming not to be isn’t consisten with what she’d seen of my personality and skills. She wanted to know if I was going to stay and I was just like, “I’m tired and heading home.” Maybe could have played last cock standing but I believe the gold seam was played out and produced no nuggets, just a few flakes. With Alyssa I think she knew what was up, what her strict limits were for whatever reason, and that was that. She lives out of town, so I doubt I’ll see her again. Will follow up today but I’m not optimistic. I told this story to one player who said

There’s a weird negative vibe on chicks who are a “no” to f**king. It’s different from LMR. It’s like you can feel their mindset is set to No.

I lose interest pretty quickly if she is not at least open to f**king.

Part of the annoyance is when you sense on a limbic level that the purpose of her not f**king is due to a power dynamic and not because she is not ready/in the mood. It’s a huge turnoff.

I would offer a counter take on this… Alyssa wasn’t open last night but might be in the future. She was a forebrain override girl, one who liked that I had met a lot of people, spanked a lot of chicks, and demonstrated social competence and BDSM competence. There weren’t a lot of unoccupied cute girls. Transparently losing interest too fast is a mistake… it gives bad vibes to the girl and also f**ks up future events. I have her # and will ping her. A few weeks or months from now it could happen. She’s a good person to invite to random events when I don’t have anything else going on.

It’s bad to get the reputation as the guy who chases girls and then does a 180 when they won’t f**k right away. If the player abruptly pulls away once or twice, okay, lack of chemistry but it’s an undesirable reputation. There’s always the short play, in the moment, and the longer play, over time and over reputation. The discipline to make the longer play will lead to greater success, I think.

At the end, talked to a couple, the guy less hot than the girl, and the girl just gorgeous. Huge breasts on a very small and petite frame. I would’ve loved to f**k her. They’re relatively new to the world, so I took some contact info. Unlikely to go anywhere but some seeds have been planted. She’s the sort of girl who might look “okay” in street clothes and then turn out to be stunning naked.

Fair # of mismatched partners with girls much hotter than the guys.

Kinda miss the girl from the last big party, who I saw again once and has gone silent. Beautiful sexual chemistry with her, more than with anyone since Short Dancer, probably. Such quick sexual chemistry. Am I the same for her, or am I just some guy she f**ked? I’ll ping again in another week but going anywhere with her is doubtful. Relationships end, so I hope I’m top of mind when/if hers does.

The last couple events I have attended without a direct date, and that is doing this on hard mode. Harder mode anyway. Bringing a date leads to a higher probability of success.

I mean to write less but the inner voice speaks too loudly.

Learning

* Chat with people.

* Demonstrate competence. I learned how to do BDSM from a combination of online tutorials and guides and in-person. If you’re at an event and see someone who is doing it well, watch what they do and try to imitate it. Even ask them how they learned or what they were thinking about doing (after they’re done… never interrupt. Watch but don’t interrupt.)

* Play the long game.

Basic sex party. Relationship skills

Basic sex party last night, a private one put on by people I know, but it was underattended… too large to be intimate but too small to be a rager with that powerful group ecstatic energy, like what the pentecostal sects generate when they speak in tongues and shit. Party could have used more face control too… some parties want to be elite and screen for hotties, while others want to be inclusive, under the assumption some hotties will be turned off by explicit exclusion. Personally I prefer parties/groups that prefer exclusiveness, but they’re not always available, and vibe at them can be not optimal. Plus, they’re sometimes tempted to hire talent to stock the pond… a move I don’t like either. I want everyone there of their free will, not thinking about how they’re f**king for cash.

I brought a date, and we net liked the environment. She’s met many of my friends, and she behaves well in the environment. Taking a woman to a sex party is revealing… we all test each other by taking ourselves out of the “normal” environment and into a potentially more stressful one. Weekend trips that require planning and logistics tell partners more about each other than living an everyday life that is already set up. Same thing here. This one behaved well, although there probably wasn’t much temptation there, cause the top guys and girls were absent.

One super weird thing happened: a pretty, slender mid 7, early to mid 20s, met me for the first time and started hitting on me pretty aggressively. She was there alone (unusual for pretty girls) and women as pretty as her almost never explicitly hit on me. I’m used to it from mid 6s and lower, but not from someone like her. It started with strong eye contact, chit chat, then her stroking my arm…! We separated, I went with my date elsewhere, and then my date and I were siting around an area where people chill out, and the pretty 7 came over to hit on me some more. Touching my leg and so on. A buddy who I like a lot, but who is also pretty chunky, talked to us for a while, so that took some pressure off, but his date is a jealous goblin (low 5 / 4), so he also felt restricted from taking a shot, despite him having a couple skills and interests she liked. I was a bit thrown off because I’m used to pursuing much more than being pursued…. it’s also possible that if I’d been alone I wouldn’t have been perceived as desirable. She was flat chested but had a pretty face, trim body, and nice ass. My buddy got her # in front of me and also passed it to me, so that was cool, but I don’t think pursuit is compatible with my current life goals. She also said she got married at 18 and divorced shortly thereafter, so maybe she was late 20s and just seemed young. A couple things I told her about my life seemed to impress her disproportionately… one thing in particular that I sometimes tell people seems to impress them in a way it really shouldn’t. I guess it’s a status move to others that doesn’t feel like that to me.

My date and I got to the party a little late, and after a lot of chat and introductions we went down, f**ked for a very long time, deployed toys, exhausted ourselves, and left. Before the party we got dinner with some friends of friends who were in town, and that was too much running around for a single night.

So it was a fine evening, just uncommon cause of that one girl offering herself up to f**k, I think. My date is not much into other girls and really not into people she doesn’t know well, so that was a no-go. I wanted to pass her to my buddy but he was there with the jealous goblin (gotta protect the limited territory she’s conquered), and he had the excuse of the thing he had to do this morning. As we were leaving the cute girl was still dressed and un-fucked, so maybe no one was to her taste? Or maybe she f**ked after I left. Collected the phone number via my buddy, as she knew, although her crazy eyes worry me. She is into something non-sexual I’m also into that not everyone is into.

Other stuff. Remember Short Dancer? She moved back to her small home town… a while ago I encouraged her on Facebook to come visit, for an implied f**k weekend. She replied by blocking me. Damn. Is that just a hard no? Or is she a little tempted and wants to remove herself from temptation, the same way I avoid the pastries and ice cream in the grocer’s. If you’re trying to make a life change… you want to set up systems and principles to make the changes, activities, etc. easy to do, almost automatic. To get buff, set up your gym schedule and stick to it no matter what. So every Tuesday at 630 you know you’ll be in the gym. If you want to be monogamous… disconnect from people who tempt you away.

It’s also possible Short Dancer is just really monogamous and she was/is emotionally hurt from me not being that way at that time. A lot of guys claim chicks are all cheaters, etc. If you think that I can only encourage you to try and get chicks to cheat with you. It can work but more often doesn’t. I have a funny story from many months ago about a woman from yoga… she ended up halfheartedly jerking me off but it felt like I was still very far from getting it in her p***y, despite her liking to smoke up. Usually drugs are a strong slut tell but seemingly not for this girl, or not for her with me. It’s been long enough that I have forgotten her name. I am sitting here trying to recall it. Fiona or something like that? It was unusual. With an F? Fiona? Phoenix? Or is it something else? I never saved her name in my phone and I had consistent problems remembering her name… she seems to have switched yoga studios too! She might also have been already f**king a male “friend” who came with her to some classes.

Back to Short Dancer: we are still connected in another social media medium, and I saw her latest, pro-boyfriend updates, and let me be immodest for a minute and say I’m way better than her boyfriend. I don’t think he’s a lateral move from me…. I think he’s a considerable step down. I hope SD comes back for another round some time but I’m not optimistic. Most girls, they come and they go and I’m pretty whatever about them. SD has lodged in the mind. Objectively she’s very cute but not exceptional, yet I really liked her. Around the time our affair ended I was going to whisper during sex that I love her. I still really like her, despite her not having that much personality. I can’t describe much about what she’s like… just very pleasant to be around and f**k. Most girls I like being around, I can say why, or give a flavor of their personality. Not this one. If she is monogamous, I wonder if she wants to do a family much sooner than I would have guessed. Maybe she would have been good for that role but at the time I was busy with a girl tornado and figured that I could convert her to non-monogamy.

With the new woman, it’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s fine. But there often seems like there’s an undercurrent of business in our sex life. I like her for a lot of reasons, one of them being that she checks off a lot of boxes for me… and she might like me for the same reasons. Not a situation that leads to maximum passion. There is probably a need to choose between “maximum passion” and “best life partner.” We have all read stories about 35-40 year old women lamenting the lack of “good” men who are tall, fit, wealthy, good earners, passionate, expert lovers, monogamous, willing to invest in an older woman… and we have all made fun of those stories, as we should, because the women in them are delusional and unreasonable. If you’re a guy, it is also hard to maximize for best sex and also for best suited for family. We hear less about this from guys because for most guys it’s a struggle to get one woman, let alone to choose among women. And our culture doesn’t give a fig about guys, so no one is going to write about male struggle. Players also chase best sex and don’t care much about life partner qualities, but if you want to do family, you want to optimize for something else. People who wind up treating relationships as disposable and a field for optimization can have a hard time treating relationships as non-disposable and non-commodity. This paragraph is another installment in the thinking I was talking about in “Picking up girls” skills and “long-term relationships” skills. There’s some overlap but also some difference. I’ve got another post, inspired by red pill dad, coming later this week.