The game’s endgame and picking up a girl at a private party

Got an invite to a huge private sex party… remember how I wrote, “game can be thought of a little bit like chess in that for good players the first 5 – 10 moves are memorized calls and responses and gamed out… the interesting stuff happens midgame.”? This is an endgame story, making it less valuable than mid-game stories, but I wrote most of it for a private group, so I figured I’d tell the rest…

At the party, I talked to a gorgeous, short girl who used to be a high-end escort and probably had income that put her in the 99%… not a great conversationalist or was on drugs… some other things about her stood out but are too private to share… asked for kiss when she left, and she said “maybe later.” In normal dating asking for the kiss is a bad move, but in this environment it’s the way to go.

Did an MFM with a couple I know… read Yoylo for an MFM example story… I have also laid out a threesome bluepint… this one happened because I’ve known them both for years… she is a solid 7… he is probably a male 8… he finds it hard to find the right women, and they are put together well. He’s had some of mine before, so it’s all good… I have spoken many times about reciprocity and balanced equation, and our equations are well-balanced. There is not a “game” story here… or if there is, it is buried in the years… we are all casual friends who spent some time catching up, then had a theeway. Very intense one, too. Whatever “game” was involved happened long ago.

Much later, I was about to leave and crash, but I saw this girl and had to say hi to her… so I got to chatting with this chick and she had great vibes, nice but not astonishing face, and just the best body. 25 or so… we chatted for a while and she noticed my paddle… asked if I would spank her… of course, baby… we found our way to a more private back area, away from the crowds, and she was so cute (great, top level super feminine energy) and responsive. Some spanking/paddling, light choking/hair pulling… things moved fast and she was broadcasting horniness… so I kept going forward, checking in with her at appropriate places… and wow. I didn’t think I could rise to the occasion but did it (sometimes verbalizing “I’m not sure I can have sex again” helps me relax into it), and sex with her was amazing… amazingly fun. Time between “Hi” and f**king was… 20 minutes? 30 minutes? I don’t know. It was almost too fast, even for me… I think she’d been marinating in the environment and socializing for a long time and yet hadn’t been approached, or properly approached (later I found out that she knew a guy there, a friend of friend, who had been chasing her, but she wasn’t into him). Or, right girl, right time? I want to give her an 8 due to her body just being packed in all the right ways and feeling fantastic but probably a high 7. Everything about her felt and seemed right. Instant chemistry is rare. She seemed almost grateful to have me inside her, which is a turn-on. Hope she comes out… we talked about that, but she might be an “in the moment” girl who disappears later. I hope not.

Like I said, it happened almost too fast… I wanted more time to play with her body, to get to know her, but her sex temperature was so high that I felt I couldn’t not. We talked about some logistical things… “feminine energy” isn’t discussed as much as it should be. Hers was off the charts. She was like crack. Other girls should take lessons in feminine energy and sounds from her. F**king her was great. She reminded me of Short Dancer, and it has been years since I have felt that way.

Did not see the former sex worker 9 again.

I’m also a re/tard in some ways… my stated goals are different than what I pursued last night, so there’s that.

I wasn’t going to turn this into a blog post at first, cause I don’t think there’s anything new to learn from it… but then I realized that that is the lesson… I’ve been building ecosystem/connections for many years, and staying in pretty good shape, and it came together. Maybe I could point out that even s**ts often want to know the guy/guys they’re sleeping with… more often than not they do… the first woman came around not because I was a random but because I wasn’t. Overall I think I’ve contributed more value to the community than I’ve taken from it, and that was reflected in the private sex party. It was reflected in the invite itself. It was reflected in the people I knew there. It was reflected in the fact that I knew how to be once I was there, and knew where to flirt and where not to. Where to push forward and where to hang back. The interesting things happen in the midgame… but this was the end game… the value had already been built. The reputation was in place. The beautiful 8 hadn’t been approached, or properly approached, and she was ready, so I went for it… I was wandering through the orchard and spotted what might be a ripe fruit… I climbed up… checked it out… turned out to be ripe… and it was good. I had the skills she wanted, and she… well, she had what I wanted. The fruits of the network.

Tried not to drink too much and succeeded… exhausted the next day… I feel a little too old for this shit in some ways to be honest. I still feel kinda off track… my forebrain and hindbrain continue to disagree… am I turning into a chick or something? Hope not.

This FR is late game…. it’s about the building of value and discovery and connections over many years. Very few guys can just walk into something like this… you have to know the players involved. The mid-game for this kind of thing can be read in detail here… if your version of the book is more than six months old, get the latest one, because I’ve been updating it in response to other guys’s questions and observations… thanks to other guys who have sent me their learning and their field reports… they have made the book better/stronger than it would have been otherwise. FRs that deal only with the first couple interactions with a woman often aren’t interesting because they’re pretty well gamed out. FRs that cover end game, like this one, often aren’t interesting because there’s not a lot of value building or practice taking place… the value building took place in the past. I’d learned to be in the right place at the right time with the right attitudes and that was rewarded. This is a study about reaping wheat, not about growing it (much harder to grow than to reap, or to eat the food made from the wheat). I was surprised by the girl at the end and the speed with which it happened. But the conditions for that had been created over many years. I’ve had this happen before… but this girl was just f**kin hot, and she’s relatively to new to the scene/community. In some ways I got lucky, but you know how the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get? It’s like that.

Magnum has different FMF report too.

Sex skills for guys: psychology, preparation, and practice

Why’s there not more talk about the specifics of sex? I have some ideas… RedCoco says,

Pickup seems pretty quiet on the topic of sex skills.

I sense that as men we set our sexual baseline energy way too low when women are craving animalistic, dominant, rough sex from us.

We as men choose vanilla.

Women want the whole gelato bar!

I have a theory that most guys are not actually get laid much and the ones who are are not great in bed. I have been thinking about writing a “psychology of sex” essay to complement the sex-toy one (RPD wrote me, “Dude, thank you for the vibrator tip—chicks love that and it’s so easy”) … and now you have it. I haven’t written it because there are many good resources for sex skills, She Comes First being good. There is another one called The Sex God Method which is also fine. There is another one called Slow Sexthat is good for chicks who have trouble coming. Just F*ck Me! – What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. So there are lots of resources for guys who want to get better at f**king, but not so many for guys who want to get better at seduction and pickup, so that is where the community hammers.

There is probably one thing that I think is useful above all others… take your time. Demonstrate to her that you are not in a rush… I made this mistake many times when I was younger. Most guys are so thrilled that a decent chick is getting naked that they want to rush through foreplay and to the stage when their dick is inside her. This is very rarely the best way to be… sometimes it’s necessary if you’re for example in a public bathroom or a car, but if you’re able, take your time. Guys warm up close to instantly, chicks warm up like an iron… slowly, but with great heat at the end. You never hear a girl say, “Oh God, it was so nice when he got inside me so fast! Wow! Next time I hope he is inside me even faster.” Chicks don’t say, “He came in two minutes flat, that was great.” But she will often complain that he skimps foreplay, she wasn’t fully aroused, she needed more kissing, she was still in her head, etc.

Continue reading “Sex skills for guys: psychology, preparation, and practice”

Sex club culture and socializing there

I heard from a player who went to a sex club for the first time, and he found about 70 people who were decently attractive, yet “there was no one that either of us was ‘wow’ over (a lot of the girls were still a bit chubby for my taste) but no one was terrible looking” (his girl is very hot, which I want to state for context… I have seen pics). His experience of the attractiveness level is decently typical… there are not a lot of wow girls, like solid 8s who are 18 – 25, at sex clubs. There are some but they are just not super common in life or at clubs… depends on the venue and night as well. If you bring an 8 and another 8 shows up, they will often gravitate to each other, as like finds like. In my experience there are not a lot of true 8s in life in general.

He also found that some people seemed unsure. At the clubs, some couples will appear to keep to themselves, because they don’t know the social etiquette. Since most other people are scared of approaching… in that kind of environment I am often the one who is initiating. Yes, some venues have rules stating that women must approach, etc., but in the real world that means they want guys with decent social skills who aren’t cruising. At bad events, socially retarded guys will just go from chick to chick, flagrantly hitting on each one and poisoning the atmosphere. We’ve all seen socially retarded guys and what they can do to a party, assuming they don’t get kicked out altogether. Think about those guys and how much worse they are at a sex club, and that is why the rules exist.

Especially if you start out talking guy to guy, you can chat with other people, as many women won’t initiate (players obviously know this). If you have a girl who is bolder than typical, you can encourage her to talk to other girls… girls know how to compliment another girl’s dress or hair or jewelry, they can talk about that for a minute or two. Common conversation topics are whether this is their first time, how they found the club or venue, etc. Really basic openers are fine, like “I saw you two and wanted to come say hi.” Even topics like whether they’ve fantasized about this kind of thing, etc. can work, in the right situation. Normal chitchat about jobs, etc. is also fine… like with normal dates, some normal chitchat that shows you’re not a lunatic and some sexual spikes/innuendoes show that you know what’s up. Read Krauser’s books for detail on this. Both normal topics and sexual spikes/innuendoes are fine and should be used together.

Most people are uncomfortable, scared, and don’t know the etiquette, so there can be a lot of discomfort at first. Many people who look closed off are just uncertain, so, if you can do some normal socializing, you will ease their mind… there is a popular imagination thing that anyone at a sex club is a crazed sex maniac, and you mostly want to avoid that impression. When you’re chatting, you can also do some classic Mystery/Neil Strauss set merges. Talk to one couple, excuse yourself to refresh your drink, talk to another couple, and then introduce couple 1 to couple 2. I am not an expert at this as I’m not naturally the life of the party, but a lot of people will appreciate some social lubrication, even if it is a bit clumsily done (I can be a bit clumsy).

The initial phase also seeds the possible later switches. I’m usually more eager to chat with the attractive women who I’d like to see more of later than with the less attractive women (and if the girl you’re with wants to chat with a couple, you should try to make that happen or help her make it happen). Women are often more interested in switching with someone they have had even one or two social interactions with, than they are with someone they have never spoken to (this maybe seems like a small thing to guys, but to a woman even one or two small social interactions can help you break the barrier between her and the outside world… one or two social interactions = this guy isn’t crazy = this guy might be safe = this guy is okay to have sex with).

For women, much more than for men, sex is an intensely social act. Many more men like anonymous hookups than women. Many men will pay sex workers for anonymous sex acts, and no women will do the same. Even the ultra-rare older woman who pays a man usually wants that payment to be embedded in a story about her vacation or whatever.

So, at the start of the club night, the party, whatever, demonstrate that you have a little bit of social acuity, that you can make small talk, that you’re embedded in a social world and not a murderous psycho loner of the kind all women have an instinctive aversion to. Will you see some chicks have sex with a man they’ve never spoken to, once the chick gets into her sex zone? You will. Is that the most regular thing you’ll see? No. Make the smarter moves.

When things start to heat up, you can sometimes invite another couple into the separate sex space, or onto a couch, or wherever, if you like them and you want to access that kind of energy. During the sex itself, the physical space matters… if there is a couple or a woman you’re interested in, try to have sex with your girl next to them… then, if you want to trade, the physical proximity is there. Girls will often touch other girls, especially… it’s also possible to see if you can touch the other girl a little, just ask first. Sometimes the other couple will say yes (cool), sometimes they will say no (also good feedback). It’s common to have sex with your girl, relax for a while, and then switch with another couple for round two.

Like I said, it’s a weird environment, especially for people who have never been to parties before or who have only been to one or two. Everyone knows why they’re there, and everyone knows that they’re going to be f**king in front of each other real soon. The atmosphere is powerfully charged in a way that can be similar to a normal date, when you and the girl know you’re heading towards f**king, but it’s different when it’s in a group.

I have a general point about non-monogamy relationships that work, “Couples that last put each other first.” At parties, smart couples work on “putting each other first.” They will be the ones checking in with each other if they need to. If they have rules, they stick to the rules. Sometimes I will ask, “What are your rules at parties?” Many couples have not adequately thought through their rules… if so, it’s often better to let them sort out their problems on their own. Often the guy will be more eager to switch than the girl… sometimes the opposite happens.

If you are like me, you want to search for more upscale venues. The downscale venues will be really grim, like downscale strip clubs. Chances are that most of you have at least wandered into a downscale strip club… they are filled with guys who look like they just got on parole and haven’t been in civilization in years, and strippers so busted I wouldn’t even upvote them on a dating app. People who are overweight or underweight or have other problems with lifestyle. Like with everything else, different venues will have different vibes that attract different kinds of people. A long time ago that I am trying to project a kind of hipster Don Draper vibe, so I want a venue that is going to match that decently. Like I have said, if the venue is off, if the people are off, if anything else feels wrong, leave. If you are an experienced guy you should be able to tell the difference between “feels uncomfortable because I’m in a new situation” as against “feels uncomfortable because there is something f**ked up here.”

I took a few minutes to re-read this and I find that it feels a little autistic, because of the paint-by-numbers, algorithmic description of socializing, but sex clubs are their own little world that don’t have widely understood social rules, so maybe being super explicit is worthwhile. It took me a lot of observation to be able to understand what’s really going on (the game is arguably just social hacking + escalation + looking good), and it’s easy to miss what’s really going on. I did, at first. Many of them also have this bullshit equalism rhetoric, which is not really true… in reality, the more attractive people are more popular, just like you’d predict, and just like the pretty girls and handsome dudes are more popular. Most chicks are not going to be into guys who they don’t perceive as being at least on their level… just like the rest of the world. You can find exceptions, you can be the exception if you are charismatic and have other things going for you, but the principle is there for a reason.

I do think I’ve learned a lot just by trying to articulate the things I think I have learned/discovered. The process of attempting to teach and explain educates not just the reader but the writer. Downside for the writer is of course a lot of unpaid time and effort. But I had not thought about all of this until began to explain what’s happening and how the game fits into the sex clubs.

If you like this post, it is now part of the free book about how to incorporate non-monogamy and sex clubs into the game. I got started writing this post because of a Twitter direct message that kept going and soon I had the key points of this post. Outsiders seem to believe that sex clubs are giant orgies with no consent and everyone uncontrollably f**king everyone, but in reality female mate choice rules and is very important.

The player also said

One observation I made of sex parties is that it is one of the few places you can’t use your phone. So socializing seems almost old fashioned. Honestly, the socializing is a lot of fun as it has an undercurrent of pending sex about it. You also are in a sorting phase where you are looking for connection with couples. I can see why parties are addictive – you can fail at finding someone … and then they just appear out of nowhere.

Sex clubs might be becoming more popular because they are one of the few phone-free environments left… people are fully present instead of being constantly attached to their electronics… the overall experience is far superior than most “social” venues today, where 60% of the average person’s attention is on their phone, leaving the social vibe dead.

Book updated again

Despite my big talk about no Internet on the weekends, I updated the book. It’s now 45,000 words, about 50% longer than the initial draft. I added a few sections based on reader stories and feedback. The section about socializing at clubs is the most valuable addition, and I’ll add an independent post from it next week.

The book is open source. If you have any feedback or experience, let me know, particularly if you go to a sex club. Nothing beats real world experience.

I have still not found any book like this one. If you know of any, please tell me about them too.

“The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before”

The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before” is more Red Pill advice, but from a woman… this one dumped her fiancé cause “He wanted to have kids right away, move to New Jersey, and just be basic and suburban together. He was a great guy but I would have died in that environment. I’m having so much fun now (more or less).” For chicks and relationships, “Boredom = death,” a fact many guys fail to realize, and chicks just want to have “fun.” Guys whose ideas of fun include security and basic provisioning are not attractive to the vast majority of chicks.

Simultaneously, this chick knows another woman, “She’s 40-something and still looking for ‘Mr. Right.’ I don’t see anything wrong with being single and 40 but I cannot imagine searching for the ‘right’ guy for 15 more fucking years. Life is too short for that!” Yet this chick is probably heading in that direction. Or who knows, she’s going to end up being “poly.” Whatever it is, there is an element of “as you sow, so you shall reap.”

“I think how I really love when a man is strong and aggressive in his kissing. I’m not sure I need/want gentle and loving. I kind of want to be fucked and devoured.” Very much what you’ve been reading about sex techniques in this blog, Red Coco’s blog, etc., about how women like rough and dominant sex and if you’re not doing that you’re probably turning her off.

A lot of chicks, when you really really listen to them, are Red Pill. They just don’t frame it the way Red Pill guys do. What chicks want and what guys really want to do fit together. The problem is that modern feminism and schools (feminist indoctrination camps) try to disable what people instinctually want… then people get in f**ked-up relationships that never really work.

It took me an incredibly long time to recognize the need for rough sex skills. That may be why an appreciable number of chicks prefer older guys, who have learned the ropes.

“The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex”

The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex” is not so startling… the massive success of 50 Shades of Grey demonstrates that women really, really, really, really like rough sex (not all of them, of course, but a whole lot of them). Guys learn to experiment with choking and find that, when done well, the chick enjoys it more and comes harder than she does without it… so the practise spreads… and now it’s mainstream and many chicks are disappointed if they’re not choked during the act. It’s so mainstream that the Atlantic writes about it. It’s more mainstream than dinner dates (most chicks hate dinner dates).

Guys who have read My Secret Garden already know the depths of female fantasy… but most guys just don’t get it, and women flit from guy to guy until they find one who does. To be sure choking can be hazardous and it has to be done deftly, and built up to… but done right, it bonds the chick to you more effectively (like going raw). It’s good to start by playing with her neck a little bit and asking how that feels, then lightly cupping her neck with her hand and seeing her response, and then move up from there. I’m sure lots of teenagers and young dumb guys try to mimic what they see in porn, with bad results that legitimately scare young and inexperienced chicks.

The Internet, amateur porn, game blogs, etc. also let the secret out… that chicks like to be choked. I remember the first time I had a chick put my hand around her throat… before I knew about the game, the forums, the blogs… I was like 23/24, and we were making out against a parked car after drinking at a bar. I was not 100% into her (I can’t recall her name) but didn’t have anything better going on at the time. We were there and then a f**king COP car pulled past us, and I stood back from her (quite a ways). The cop car stopped like half a block away from us and I just talked to her and that sort of thing, wondering WTF I was going to say to the police… but they started driving again after a minute or two. Who knows, maybe the cop(s) didn’t see anything and were stopping for some other reason… if I recall correctly the girl wouldn’t go home with me that night, and it took an outright date to seal it… but she was marginal and I think there was some SMV mismatch, as she was more into me than I was into her. I don’t recall if I was appropriately courteous to her afterwards… probably not, as I had worse manners then.

That chick was bold, but I didn’t have the mental framework necessary to integrate what she was communicating to me. That came later. I was startled when she took my hand and put it around her neck. Although I’d had a decent amount of sexual experience by then, I didn’t have the experiences or network to contextualize what that meant, or that the desire to be choked is common. Today I can’t pinpoint a single moment or experience when I realized women’s love of BDSM. Red Coco has a post about sex skills and I have one coming as well… there’s not much explicit commentary on this subject in the community and there should be more. I theorize that most guys are not actually getting laid much. Also, once a guy masters the toolkit, there’s a limited amount he can elaborate on it, and most of us forget how much we had to learn to get where we are today.

Today, there are also some explicit video websites that also have educational “how-to” videos on this subject. I don’t want to post links to them here as I believe that will hurt search engine rank, but you can find them yourself or contact me privately if you want some links.

Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips and sex skills for guys

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life. Most of us don’t manage to limit our egos, and I don’t understand the psychological mechanisms behind that failure mode.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come during initial sex encounters, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychological pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

Most chicks have had sex experiences with guys who don’t pay attention properly to her. Girls will give feedback, usually vocally and sometimes by shivering, undulating, etc., and the man’s job is to pay attention to her feedback and get a connection going with her. Different girls are wired differently, so it’s important to recognize that what makes one wild may not make another one wild. For example a lot of guys ape jackhammering techniques learned from pornography, which most girls in real life don’t like (or if they do like the jackhammer, it’s only after a lot of foreplay, leadup, and gentle initial penetration).

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. Usually not during the initial encounter. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy. Each butt plug is linked to the girl: I don’t re-use them at all, ever, and just tell her to keep it on her, or tell her to bring it over so I can f**k her with it inside her.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A SEX GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and, like I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… girls are different, they differ from each other, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

If you have read all of this then you should read the sequel about psychology, practices, etc.