Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips and sex skills for guys

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life. Most of us don’t manage to limit our egos, and I don’t understand the psychological mechanisms behind that failure mode.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come during initial sex encounters, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychological pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

Most chicks have had sex experiences with guys who don’t pay attention properly to her. Girls will give feedback, usually vocally and sometimes by shivering, undulating, etc., and the man’s job is to pay attention to her feedback and get a connection going with her. Different girls are wired differently, so it’s important to recognize that what makes one wild may not make another one wild. For example a lot of guys ape jackhammering techniques learned from pornography, which most girls in real life don’t like (or if they do like the jackhammer, it’s only after a lot of foreplay, leadup, and gentle initial penetration).

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. Usually not during the initial encounter. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy. Each butt plug is linked to the girl: I don’t re-use them at all, ever, and just tell her to keep it on her, or tell her to bring it over so I can f**k her with it inside her.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A SEX GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and, like I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… girls are different, they differ from each other, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

If you have read all of this then you should read the sequel about psychology, practices, etc.

“The Suburban Mom Thinking About Cheating on Her Husband”

I have a theory: when women can write anonymously, their writing is much more likely to reflect Red Pill principles than when they write under their own names. “The Suburban Mom Thinking About Cheating on Her Husband” is a sex diary and case in point. Like when the writer says, “His name is Tyler, he plays and coaches ice-hockey, and he has two sisters and a brother. It’s not like I’m interested in him in any serious way — I just want to fuck someone new.” And that desire is likely to be indulged at some point. She also claims to have “anxiety,” like 3/4 of women today.

She also admits to cheating on her husband:

She is one of the few people who knows that I cheated on my husband when we were first married. This was back when we lived in New Jersey. I was a new mom, feeling neglected and underappreciated, and what started out as a friendship turned into a hot and heavy affair that lasted an entire summer.

Is kid #2 his? He probably doesn’t want to know. For players, however, this story is useful because it reminds us to give the married chicks a shot. You never know who’s bored until you try.

Sometimes my husband makes my anxiety worse. He just doesn’t know how to handle me. And I know, I am a lot to handle. I get away with it because I’m a hot, skinny blonde who likes to have sex a lot.

The only surprise here is that she admits to her own privilege.

Still, if I were away for a girls’ trip and some hot guy were hitting on me in a bar, I seriously doubt I would say no.

This is why smart guys do not marry chicks who want to do “girls night” and “girls trips.” That’s code for, “it doesn’t count.

She does cook dinners, so that’s something.

This woman and her husband have been together too long and cohabited too closely. This image is just gross: “By the time I open my eyes he’s already in the bathroom doing his morning routine of pooping and showering” and it’s emblematic of what goes wrong, often, in living together.

Looking at the number of “too close to each other” couples, I thinks separate rooms should be more  of a thing. Mystery helps keep the erotic spark alive.

Peaches for days [LR]

Met Peaches yesterday afternoon (story and background on her at the link, and read the comments there), one on one for tea, where I showed her my clean STI test results (she knew immediately why), and then back to my place. Very long, very intense foreplay session, complete with a paddle, blindfold, nipple clamps, and an eventual butt plug, as she’d mentioned an interest in double penetration but had never used a butt plug during sex. Now she has.

And it was great. The kind of sex everyone craves and we sometimes don’t get. It’s smart to wrap it up. But it’s so much better bare. We hit a lot of positions, with me directing the show the whole time and her loving it.

I think most guys would rate Ms. Slav as being hotter. She is at the very least 10 years younger. Yet with Peaches, it was just intense. Extremely intense. We may just have a subconscious, sub-linguistic compatibility that Ms. Slav, for all her virtues, does not have with me.

After, I was exhausted and took a brief nap with her in my arms. Then Peaches opened up more about her husband… this wasn’t fun to hear, but I’ve had so many of those, “Oh, this is the side of women that women don’t emphasize” talks that they don’t elicit an emotional response from me anymore. They are just part of the game. The gap between the private narrative and public one is so wide. I think that’s why I like game blogs… I resisted starting one because I wasn’t sure I had enough material and because I knew that, if I started writing it, it would consume too much of my life. I was right on that second point.

With Peaches, I still can’t figure out why she married her husband. She might not be able to figure it out, either. Or it might be that chicks are random, a theme I discuss often. In this post, among many others. But I wasn’t highly analytical yesterday after sex.

That is what people call afternoon delight.

So delightful that I was still tired when I woke up this morning. I feel like I’ve not been on my best game at work. Sometimes after f**king, my mind is so crystal clear that I get everything done and throw off a ton of new ideas. Sometimes I’m still in that half-dream state and need to pull myself into the now. But I want to write this log entry before the feeling fades. This one is so memorable. It’s strange, what is memorable and what fades into the background.

When Peaches left she looked at me and said, “I needed that.” Probably my second-favorite thing to hear from a woman, right after, “Come inside me.”

“Aggressive and Humiliating Sexual Play” are highly desired by most people

Aggressive and Humiliating Sexual Play: Occurrence Rates and Discordance Between the Sexes.”

More than 70% of participants found at least one aggressive or humiliating sexual play desirable, whereas about half of the participants found at least three such acts desirable. Significant sex differences were also found, with men desiring to engage in such play more than women. This discordance was moderated by the willingness of each party to partially accommodate each other’s desires.

Players know that, used correctly, aggressive and dominant sex is extremely powerful and desirable. The key is using it correctly and in the right circumstances.

There is a well-regarded book called The Sex God Method that is probably still available on the Internet that goes into some of these methods.

The same acts that are disgusting to women from the wrong man are arousing to women from the right one.

How to get chicks to go to the sex club

There is no single way I get chicks into the group-sex or open-relationship world, because every chick is a little different and needs different calibration. Libido Girl, who got me into the scene, is highly unusual, and I’ve not met many chicks like her. Since she got me into it, I’ve brought a bunch of chicks to clubs, but there’s a finesse to doing it well. A chick who is super sex-positive will be different than a chick who is sex-negative or comes from a highly religious background. Typically I don’t say anything about this part of my life and experience until we’ve been sleeping together for a while, at least a couple weeks, and by that time she’s more in my world than she is during the leadup to sex or immediate aftermath of it.

My personal vibe is also open to experience and non-judgmental, and that will make the girl more honest about what she’s into and what she’s done. I’m confident many chicks still lie or omit, and that’s fine, but they see what I do in bed and how I talk to them. In bed I use collars, restraints, blindfolds, floggers, and paddles in bed. I like making sex tapes. To me all that stuff is normal, to the point now that I forget most chicks aren’t used to a full-body, all out experience. I bring stuff out a little too quickly, leading to the, “Do you do this with every girl?” question.

(Typical response: “I look at sex as the ultimate experience and am with you, here, right now, and we’re learning about each other. I’m figuring out what you like and respond to. We’re in this together, and we’re exploring.” This basic suite of ideas overcomes that question, which can be a shit test but is really I think the chick being worried about me being a player and being worried about her just being another number. Which she often is, but we’ll leave that to the side.)

When I’m prepping a new chick, I’ll start by asking her about threesomes. What was her first threesome like? That phrasing is crucial: if a guy asks if she’s had a threesome, she’s less likely to admit it than if he asks how her first threesome was. Some chicks will say they haven’t had one. If they have, I’ll ask how’d it go? What were her partners like? If they haven’t had one, I’ll ask if they’ve fantasized about them.

Usually the girl will reciprocate and ask about my experiences, and I’ll tell her about my first threesome and one or two other experiences. I emphasize the idea that a girl typically has an amazing experience because the attention is on her. Two people kissing her, two people on her neck, one one her neck another going down on her, etc. In a sexually charged environment, like being nude in bed with the chick, this is often highly arousing to her.

This will lead to a segue into going to a party or club. “I’ve know this sex club, and we should go.” “Some people are having a sex party, and I want you to come with me.” Chicks rarely say yes immediately. They’ll usually have a barrage of questions about what it’s like, how I got into it, what I know about it, will I have sex with another chick there. But chicks, at least chicks I’m with, rarely reject the idea outright, either. Remember that it’s important for the chick to be sexually bonded before a guy brings this idea up. Sometimes I’ll make the inquiry overly soon, like I did with Bike Girl. That isn’t optimal, but if a guy senses a girl is deeply into him quickly, it can be done.

When I introduce the idea to a chick, I emphasize the fantasy aspect. This is about us living out her fantasies and exploring what she really likes. Most chicks, I think, have a robust fantasy life they’re too scared to seek out. Evolution has bequeathed most chicks with a certain conservatism, on the surface. That’s because most chicks who don’t do much, still get to reproduce. Some guy will come along and seduce her or make her his, and her genes will get into the next generation.

There is actually genetic evidence for this: geneticists have found that we’re descended from about eighty percent of the women who have ever reached reproductive age and about forty percent of the men. The average guy died without issue. The average chick had some babies. Chicks subconsciously know that they don’t have to try and should probably not try most things on their own. This is why chicks start fewer companies and far fewer chicks become important artists or scientists. Nothing drives them out to the bleeding edge.

Chicks typically look to guys for guidance about what to do and how to behave. This is also why guys don’t learn how to lead will never get their sex lives to where their sex lives should be. A lot of game is just leading a chick through the steps and into your bed. Chicks rarely take affirmative, direct actions to make their sex lives better. Instead, they wait for a guy to come along and make their lives happen.

As a younger guy, I didn’t understand why chicks won’t be proactive. Now I get it and have adjusted my behavior accordingly.

Most chicks are not very sexually experimental, on the surface. Many exceptions, like Libido Girl, exist, but game should target the median hot chick, and then game should be calibrated to the individual girl’s temperament. A deft guy can often bring chicks into his reality and do the things with her that she’ll deny to her friends and sometimes even herself. (“It’s not me who’s in charge, he’s just making me do this.”) Giving a chick plausible deniability is a good way to get her into bed. That’s why no one says, “Do you want to come back to my place for sex?” It’s always, “I have a bottle of wine.” “Let’s go watch a movie.” “Let’s play guitar.” When the chick says, “Okay, but I’m not having sex with you,” the guy says, “Who said anything about sex? It’s interesting that that’s on your mind.” Etc., etc. Standard game things.

The first chick I took to a club, after Libido Girl introduced me, was someone who I’d met previously at a business / networking event. I’d seen her for a while, she’d broken it off (I didn’t know how to handle non-monogamy then and was just getting disentangled from my co-parent) and she’d boomeranged back. I took her to some events and that’s when this whole thing began to click for me, and I figured out that parties are mostly about guys who want to trade chicks and thus get lots of casual sex on “easy mode.” Well, not that easy because the guy has to be attractive, socially skilled, and bring the hot chick in the first place. But if he has those elements in place, the sex part naturally flows.

So that is how I went from being taken to a party to taking other chicks in. The most interesting girl I brought is probably the one I mention here, from a couple years ago. She was a high 8 or maybe low 9 but didn’t act like it, or dress like it most of the time. I think she was young enough to not fully appreciate her SMV then. She was also introverted and didn’t behave in the hot young bitchy girl way, so we were uncommonly compatible. And if a guy brings in a true stunning chick, he will forever be the guy who can get hot chicks, thus opening many interesting experiences and doors.

Happy Fourth of July, to the Americans reading this. I’m going to a BBQ that is likely to be extremely boring (older people or kids). I’m at an age where hanging out with my chronological peers is a waste of time from a game perspective, but it’s an offer and we’ll see what happens.

“From Baby to Bride: Can ‘sugar’ relationships be a path to real love?”

From Baby to Bride Can ‘sugar’ relationships be a path to real love?” is ridiculous and not Red-Pill aware, but it does engage ideas from my own sex-work essay, “How to use Seeking Arrangements for fun and profit.” Most of the time (the overwhelming majority) paid sex will not lead to anything more. But:

I use variations of the online dating pics I already have. These are effective. The fatter, older, and uglier you are, the more SA is like standard hooking. The younger, fitter, and more attractive you are, the closer it can be to online dating. Again, the key word is “can,” because you still need game.

You also NEED:

  • Ultra-strong frame
  • High level of assertiveness.

 

If you lack either you will be owned. Sex workers are masters of frame and if you don’t maintain extremely strong frame, she will crush you. A guy always needs to maintain the idea that she needs him more than he needs her, and that is more true in paid situations.

Sex workers are sex workers but they’re also just chicks, and like most chicks they’re on the lookout for love.

I also don’t believe this: “Over time she settled on the price of $500 for a dinner, wine, and sex arrangement—a somewhat standard price among the sugar babies I interviewed.” $500 is too high. I think the sex workers are either lying or extremely attractive. Or there are more rich, stupid guys out there than I would have thought.

Things like this: “They agreed that he would pay for her gas to come and see him but didn’t need to pay her regular fee” have happened, more or less, to me. Whether it happens depends on the girl and the guy. Plus, for all my talk about game, interpersonal compatibility does matter. Losing chicks doesn’t bother me much, but losing the ones I really like still does, because there aren’t that many of them.

“Dan” in the Slate story is still a loser. Don’t be Dan and do extremely beta things like buy cars for “former” sex workers, or any woman. If you do that, you’re still just paying for sex.  The minute Dan’s money runs out, “Sarah” is gone.

Feminists and Blue Pill people more generally are obsessed with men financially subsidizing women. That makes some sense, because traditional marriage is an arrangement in which a man subsidizes a woman who bears his children, with financial compensation there because she’s out of the labor market, often for years, due to pregnancy and childcare. But today, women spend little time out of the labor market, and what they offer (sex) can be easily found outside of marriage. So Red Pill guys learn not to marry (“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”), but feminists and most normal women still want a man who will financially subsidize them.

Women don’t make emotional contracts

This post began as a reply to Nash’s comment, but it got so long that I decided to turn it into a post. It’s not about actionable game tips, so you might not find it very useful.

But it was in that context that I heard myself say, ‘women don’t make emotional “contracts.”‘ I like that line. I think it’s true.

It’s absolutely true that women don’t make emotional contracts. If they will enter such a contract, but they won’t keep it, and apart from the withdrawal of attention there is no downside to her. The non-monogamy community, online and off, is endlessly discussing how so-and-so broke their rules. It’s exhausting and pointless. Humans in general and especially women also tend to emotionally bond to people they’re fucking. That’s just how the system works. It can’t be logicked away. The downside of non-monogamy is that she might bond to another guy. Of course, at the same time other women might bond to me, and I think that is happening right now with someone I met at a party.

I’ve written about this before, but most women won’t stay in long-term, undefined relationships with guys. Pretty much all players know that women will initiate the “what are we?” talk three to eighteen months into an uncommitted relationship. It’s possible to keep her on the line for much longer, but most normal women want a family eventually. They have a biological schedule and think they want to lockdown a guy to have kids with (many are also conflicted, as evolutionary biology teaches us).  They also think they want commitment, and they do until they get bored and suffocated by seeing the same guy every day for years on end.

Non-monogamy can help keep the woman on the line while simultaneously allowing a guy to continue in the game. And if she sees the guy drawing in women who are more attractive than she is, she will get competitive and the sex will stay pretty hot. No one will get complacent because no one can.

In reality, of course, in modern marriages a guy shouldn’t get complacent because she may leave him at any time and take half his assets, child support, and the kids, and the entire state will step on his neck if he objects. Why guys agree to this kind of arrangement, I have no idea. Social pressure and expectation, I guess. I barely dodged it myself.

It appears that I’ve set off on a ramble, so let me say that I’m thinking about things more from a longer-term perspective for guys who already have okay game and who are age 30+, and guys who are younger can ignore this. Before age 30 it’s mostly about getting laid. After, a guy should be thinking, at least a little bit, about the long term. The current Western model and marriage contract do not work. They generate hate, misery, envy, and contempt. They’re so broken that the Red Pill has emerged from them.

But! A big but: most people and most guys still want something “more” than tons of random hookups. Most people will eventually want to have kids, too. I think most people age 50+ don’t get as much satisfaction from sex and get more of their satisfaction from family and community. But if you devote your entire life to chasing sex, you likely won’t build the things that matter in the second half of your life.

(Guys in their 20s can mostly ignore the above paragraph and focus on building their game, their knowledge, and their business lives. A guy without game and options basically cannot build an effective longer-term relationship today, so he has to have that first. Entering a long-term relationship without total confidence that the guy can easily find another woman is tantamount to death.)

For guys, over the long term, I think the future regarding kids is closer to something like co-parenting. Lots of guys read this and think it’s just more feminist bullshit. It can be used that way, especially in states with awful “child” support laws that are really woman-support laws. But co-parenting resolves a lot of the conflicts I’ve enumerated. The state isn’t involved through parent contracts. The two adults can maintain separate domiciles as necessary. Both should still contribute to the child. DNA testing is mandatory instead of optional. If and when sexual desire wanes, one doesn’t have to lie and look at the same person every morning for the rest of one’s life. Yet both parents have to commit to some of the crappy and boring parts of raising kids.

Instead of two people promising to erotically love each other forever, then coming to hate each other and getting into vicious, expensive legal battles, two people agree to do what’s right for the kid and agree to make sure the kid has both masculine and feminine influences in their life.

I don’t think co-parenting is perfect either, and I have basically evolved into co-parenting. My situation is far better than the situations of the many guys I know who married, let themselves go, and then divorced.

“If a man should assume there is NO SUCH THING as an emotional contract with a women… why would you strap yourself down to a financial one?? I know why men do it (bluepill thinking… but mostly… lack of options).”

Rollo is right about this: women want it all: complete, total access to a man’s finances and the complete to have sex with whoever she wants to, whenever she wants to. More guys are learning to say no to this raw deal, I hope. I have another post about the book Out of Eden: The Surprising Consequences of Polygamy, because it is also about what a society that is really committed to female monogamy and reducing hypergamy looks like.