In “where spinsters come from” series, this woman, who is already 32, gets a good place
Being single the past couple of years has made it easy for me to make decisions like picking up and moving to Europe. I enjoy the thrill of sleeping with someone new and I think more is more when it comes to sexual partners. That said, I would love to get married at some point in the next few years. But right now, I at least would like to form some genuine connections.
Packing up and moving to a foreign country, likely temporarily, is an awful place to develop the social structure and social life that encourages marriage. F**king randoms is great, and I’ve done it a lot, but it’s also terrible prep for marriage, particularly for women. This woman has already passed her peak fertility level and thinks that some guy is going to come along to wife her up the day she’s finally ready. Who knows, maybe some guy will (there are plenty of guys who will do dumb sh*t), but reading this is like watching a guy claim he’s serious about getting in the game while he stuffs Doritos in his mouth and picks up the gaming system controller. Actions and stated beliefs/desires are very different.
It’s kinda sad seeing delusion in action but it’s also informative. She sounds like a right good time though. Guys who are interested in monogamy also have to remember that they’re pushing against every female-centric clickbait website in the world that’s pushing a “you go girl” and “f**k around” narrative.
The article is not about that, however, “An Ode to ‘the Moms:’ My friends’ mothers gave me Band-Aids, drove me home, and taught me something about grown womanhood.” The amount of anti-maternal material in the media is epic, so it’s nice to see a small corrective. One unstated point, though, is that women aged 40+ (maybe 35+) derive the majority of their meaning in life and status among others from their children.
The corollary is that women who don’t have kids are (typically) damaged in ways that cannot be easily reversed. There is adoption, though that is unusual. The vast majority of women care much more about their families than their bullshit careers (most of the women the author praises are teachers: I have said before that my ears perk up when I hear about women who are teachers or nurses, as both jobs allow women time off easily for families). Most of our society and media work hard to conceal this point, and a disproportionate amount of media narrative is produced by spinsters.
It’s super fun to be a woman at the height of sexual market power, ages 16 – 28, but it’s not so much fun for childless women over the age of 40. Sexual market power shrinks and will never go up again: that is why so many spinsters are bitter, and no amount of feminist posturing will change that. It’s like being exiled from paradise. Default_friend has a bit where says that a healthy society needs a pathway for women to go from maiden -> mother -> crone. In our society, a lot of women try to ride out being maidens way too long, skip motherhood, and hit being “crones” way too early.
Guys can derive more meaning from sex and sexuality well into their 40s (perhaps beyond), though I argue that most guys should also have families. Many guys are well placed to build their skills and careers in their 20s and start families in their 30s, because it takes that long to build up your game, your career, and your knowledge of and experience with women. Smart guys, however, if they find the highest quality, most-family-oriented woman, should keep her. There are a lot of emotionally vacuous women out there focused on the short term, and finding a woman who is neither and who is family focused is a significant thing today.