Character, game, dating, and would YOU swap lives?

I was talking to Lee Cho daygame on Twitter about this, “One thing I’ve noticed about the game guys who write in depth… very few make me think, ‘I want to be that person.’ Many seem to have something interesting about them but very few seem top of the heap.” Most of the online game guys seem to have a bit of a screw loose, or lack common sense, or the ability to connect (for real, in a deep way) with other people… this shows, eventually, in their writing. Roosh might be the poster boy for this effect… I read him a bit years ago, probably like 2011 or 2013 or something, and found him interesting in terms of his game obsession but, even then, it was obvious that something was internally wrong with him, psychologically or spiritually, for lack of better words.

Top guys (and girls… this is really a “human” thing, not a “man” or “woman” thing) have internal congruence, and people who lack it stand out… which Roosh seemed to, even back then… his interest in f**king women seemed to come from underlying dislike and disdain for women… which many women no doubt sensed, even if they couldn’t articulate what was off about him. So the higher-value, better-put-together women probably avoided him… which reinforced some of his negative views about women… leading to a cycle. Mature adults are highly attuned to congruence and will distance themselves from people who lack congruence.

There is “good screw loose” in the sense of someone who is smart but sees the world differently, and there is “bad screw loose” in the sense of someone who is off, f**ked up, etc. The online game guys don’t seem like they have a screw loose in the crazy inventor / startup founder / rogue genius way… it’s more like a screw loose in the way of the kid no one wants to pick for their team/group… even if the online guys get really good and accomplished at game. A lot of top girls, even the ones who are open to cold approach (lots are), are going to judge a guy based on his social world and social network… if the guy doesn’t have one, or much of one, she’s going to spot that quickly. So it’s going to be hard for a lot of guys to get or retain better girls… there are limits to the front. The better girls are also going to be super curious about character, and, if they find it lacking, they are going to pull away.

In real life… the people I most like and admire, I wouldn’t want to literally take over their lives, exactly, but there’s a lot in them to emulate, not just in their field of expertise, usually. Status/coolness first, THEN evangelize for whatever the thing is. Among guys developing game skills… almost none of them I’d want to trade places with… not at even odds… the number whose overall lives I admire… is pretty small. We’ve all probably met people who are “successful” in some domain, but there is something wrong with them, and whatever is wrong keeps them from getting to where they might get otherwise.

Take… let’s use the “all women blah blah blah” guys as an example. I agree that all women have the capacity to blah blah blah (whatever the example is)… but not all will… an example story from my life… there are others. Or the ones who say all women are lazier and worse than men in a bunch of ways… well, one study claims that women in their 20s now out-earn men in their 20s… one of my own early work mentors was a woman… she was at the top of her field. On average women are worse-suited to leading and creating large organizations… but there are exceptions, and “on average” conceals a lot… in terms of dating, all women have the capacity to cheat, sure… but not all do/will. If you think so, try to get women to have a philander with you… some will, but a lot won’t. If the woman is stepping out… there’s usually also something wrong with you, with her, or with the relationship… but men don’t like to emphasize that.

Top women… don’t put up with less-than-top men… women will also show you who they are, usually pretty early, and MOST GUYS IGNORE THE SHOW. Then… they bitch when the woman acts the way she has shown him she will act… you already knew, or should have known, who she is, but you choose to ignore that (the p***y is good) and then come to the Internet to cry… or to your friends… meanwhile… are you asking yourself who you are, and what you are bringing to the relationship… no, you are not… are you asking yourself what signs you missed… probably not.

If a woman bitches about all the cads she meets, and how guys are all blah blah blah… it’s like, you have probably met thousands of men, and if they are “all like this…” what do they all have in common… you? Same thing with men. Same thing in business. Have you ever met a manager whose employees are somehow all stupid and incompetent? Or an employer who can’t ever get workers? If he says that… then the manager hasn’t learned to be a manager, he hasn’t learned to help people level up their skills, or something is wrong with him if EVERYONE is incompetent. The business is not paying enough, or something else is the matter. I have already written about the most common problem women who can’t find a man have, “Mismatched sexual market value (SMV): Diagnosis and cures.” Well, in business, if a manager or company cannot find any employees, then something is wrong with wages, work environment, location, or something else. It’s up to the manager to diagnose those problems and make changes. Markets are pretty efficient. Most often the problem is wages. People want to make more money, not less, and if the firm is not paying adequately, people will go to the firms that are.

Character judgment is hard and often separate from physical attraction… most people claim to want both in one… most often they pick one and go for that… and get results consistent with it. Extremely effective people blame themselves for successes or especially failures, even when the success or especially failure is outside of their control. The question is always, “What could I have done differently?” “What do I do differently in the future?” Kids rarely do this… to a kid, it’s always someone else’s fault… to the true adult, it’s always my fault, even if it’s someone else’s fault… the most effective people do this… if you follow Elon Musk you know that he knows just about every single part that goes in a SpaceX rocket or Tesla car… he learns relentlessly, because he knows that if the rocket explodes, no matter whose fault it is, it is his fault. Look at the Boeing managers, by contrast. In Boeing, it is always someone else’s fault. But Boeing has an unfair crony capitalist market that is heavily tied into politicians, so Boeing can’t fail, over the short term, because it’s being propped up by regulators. Unless you are a trust fund kid or something, you have to get by on your own wiles.

Character judgment is separate from technical ability… people who are wise are doing it all the time… it is what I am doing when I write, “One thing I’ve noticed about the game guys who write in depth… very few make me think, ‘I want to be that person.’ Many seem to have something interesting about them but very few seem top of the heap.” Maybe they are different in real life… reading their writing, though, problems with character, personality, and intellect seem to leak out… even among the ones with very high technical skill… Krauser is probably the most technically skilled person writing about the game… but as for his character… read his blog/memoirs closely and decide for yourself… don’t take my word… don’t take my word for anything… try it for yourself… develop your own style, sense of judgment, etc. I can help you think about how to think about things, but I can’t tell you what to think. Many people never develop these skills properly and suffer for it, including many guys who are technically good at game.

I have seen some of the RSD videos, and none or almost none of them make me think, “This guy is admirable and I’d want to hang out with him.” Some of them probably have game… almost none of them seem like guys I admire.

There are exceptions… red pill dad seems pretty well put together, although I disagree with him in places… not surprisingly, he, like most functional guys, wants to stay anonymous. In the real world, the penalty of being made known is high, while the amount of money one can earn from coaching is low, and yet most guys can’t be helped cause they’re too incompetent to be helped, or have deep problems, and “bad with chicks” is a manifestation of their underlying problems. “Bad with chicks” is, then, a symptom, not a cause.

A few guys can be helped, and they are the ones I am most speaking to. The number of psychologically okay, well-put-together adult men who don’t have a real job, is super small. There is a lot of “location-independent income” roleplay happening online. I am 100% in favor of real small businesses that can do real location-independent income… that is, however, far harder to achieve than the online hucksters would have the average guy believe, as stated. Most of the guys pitching this… have little evidence of it. I don’t think I know any adult guy in real life, who is put together effectively and doesn’t have a real job of some kind. Effective adult guys… have a job… almost all of the time.

Effective guys evaluate their effects on other people. There is a lot of “tough guy” role play online right now, among guys who think COVID precautions are stupid. Effective guys who are in touch with older parents / relatives / employers / employees… don’t wish to get those people sick, even if they don’t care too much about themselves… that is a point in How I see dating, girls, COVID-19, and the quarantines, right now.” Willful disregard of others tells us something about the guy, his mental state, and his social world. What it tells us… is not good. We know that the route through COVID and minimizing it runs through masks… yet there’s a bunch of anti-mask roleplay online (masks are a tool, not a symbol). Some guys will mistake the online game for the real world, which is sad, but maybe becoming more common, too.

If you read this whole piece… along with the original one, about internal congruence, you will see that a lot of it is about boy psychology versus man psychology… as well as, a bit less, girl psychology versus adult woman psychology. Girls are often attracted to men… and men are often attracted to younger women… but it is useful to see how and where these things intersect… and what maturity looks like. Some women reach psychological and emotional maturity very early… and if a man can’t match them, and grow with them, he is not going to last with her. People are messed up in some ways, are often attracted to and attractive to other people who are messed up. I mostly avoid the most messed-up girls (and guys)… I have f**ked girls who are somewhat messed up… probably not smart buy I have done it… but I have kept them at a distance. If the girl finds you messed up enough, and not in an attractive dark broody way, she is not going to f**k you… she is going to fade away. She doesn’t want to be in your life, like you don’t want to be in the lives of people with bad/weak character.

Read also: “The curious, cautionary fates of many of the guys who go deep into game and Internet.”

Status/coolness first, THEN evangelize for whatever the thing is

No one listens to or wants to follow losers: that’s the fundamental rule of life and “What are your rules for talking about RP concepts?” Many guys online seem to want to talk about anti-social Red Pill jargon without working on themselves first, which is a mistake, but it’s also a class of mistake more generally: no one listens to someone they think is lower status than themselves.

(One good thing about science as a practice and system is that it forces higher-status, eminent people to listen who lower-status, not-eminent people if the latter are right and the former wrong. Business can also function that way, because a business composed of high-status, wrong people will fail. A business startup that has low-status, correct people will see the low-status people rise in status until they replace the existing high-status group, then the process repeats as consumer tastes change and businesses ossify. Government fails because real-world feedback loops are much weaker.)

I’ve been fairly successful at getting chicks into the non-monogamy scene for a bunch of reasons, but a big one is because I’ve worked on myself first. While I’m not some super cool guy like a professional actor, I have my shit together and can be pretty direct with chicks. Chicks can tell that if they pass on me, I can and will find another… many guys can’t and won’t. Chicks like guys who other chicks like. Many chicks still say no to me, that’s fine, that’s their prerogative, but chicks are intrigued by guys who want, but don’t need, them. I don’t get rattled much by chicks and their natural drama, so I can usually bring them into my frame and introduce the ideas around non-monogamy that I’ve been writing about.

We can see from history (you are reading a lot, right?) that the effect you have depends on who you are: in the Civil Rights movement, for example, black leaders realized they needed the symbols of their movement to have huge, supernormal amounts of dignity. Basic people with basic, petty flaws weren’t sufficient: anyone involved in leading the movement needed to be highly dignified, and ideally very Christian, to counteract the narrative that some kinds of humans are more human than other kinds of humans, or that some kinds of humans are more like animals than other kinds of humans. People like Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks were elevated, because both projected a strong sense of dignity, humanity, and righteousness (King’s love of p***y wasn’t widely known then… if it had been, he would have been a bad choice, despite his rhetorical excellence). The Civil Rights movement aligned itself with the dominant religious factions of its day.

This is true of any kind of movement, sales pitch, etc. Salesmen are most often tall, good looking, act empathetic, and speak well because they need to project social savvy, to be the kind of person other people want to affiliate with or associate with. I’m not a natural salesman. One of Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power is, “Win Through Your Actions – Never Through Argument.” In science and engineering, you win through argument and math. In human matters, you win through feelings, and that might be why a lot of digital male thinkers don’t do well with the hottest female analogue thinkers. Men are more likely to attempt to learn what is right and true based on science, facts, and logic, while chicks are more likely to believe what is right based on feelings, and these incompatible world systems create a lot of bad feelings (the female love of feelings is why shit like astrology and tarot appeals so much to chicks, and why so few chicks become scientists and engineers).

“Status first, evangelize later” is also why I have been talking about game as 1) having value, 2) value delivery mechanism, and 3) (Magnum emphasizes this) location / environment. All three variables matter, probably in that order. If you are missing the first one, #2 won’t matter and even #3 will be less useful. “Having value” will do a lot to make you high status.

So many guys say they try to tell their friends about The Red Pill… they don’t understand that they have to be cool first, THEN maybe talk. “Cool” is the high school or college word for “value” or “status.” Guys can’t go the other way around: if they are not cool, they alienate themselves further, and a lot of guys in RP, seduction, etc. seem to be very alienated and disconnected to begin with. A guy who other people don’t respect who starts spouting off weird, anti-social-seeming concepts he’s read about on the Internet, is not going to come off well.

Cool / status are kinda hard to define, but we know them when we see them. Part of game is learning cool / high-status behaviors and them implementing them. Cool / status can also mean different things in different places, at different jobs and different situations. Some guys can have amazing status at their intellectual jobs, then go to a wedding or a party weekend and none of the hot chicks give a shit about how the guy implemented a TPS report system that saves the company a million dollars a year. The next week, the fun wedding party guy might be depressed because he can’t get a job and most chicks who have a real job will not date guys without one.

Any individual has a set number of “weirdness points” and they should be spent carefully. The cooler you are, the more weirdness points you get. Most guys get very few weirdness points and blow them by talking about Red Pill jargon, etc. A guy who is successful with women will naturally draw other guys who will want to learn about what he’s doing… the same as guys admire the captains of sports teams, the best programmer in the company, etc. If you’re not seen as good with women, no one gives a f**k what you think about women, sexual dynamics, etc.

This is on my mind right now because of something I realized about Ms. Slav and her relationship to some of my psychological struggles (more on that in another post, if you want to listen to my moronic bleating about interior state). Her and I together might be able to accomplish things in non-monogamy with her that are larger than the ones I can accomplish on my own… but, simultaneously, I’m no longer sure I want to do that, so I feel pulled in multiple directions and am unsure of myself, at a macro level… a pretty unusual situation for me.

For the last ten years, I have often been unsure at a micro level, when I ask myself, “Should I try to date this chick or that chick on Wednesday?” or “should I text her now, or wait till tonight?” Basic game questions. On a macro level, my goal has consistently been, “Bang more hot chicks.” Now my macro is unsettled, and that may be feeding back into my micro. Aligned micro-macro lead to optimal psychology.

You see misaligned psychology more frequently in chicks, when a chick is like, “I want a boyfriend! I want to get married” but she is also f**king randoms from online, hooking up with her ex, and otherwise engaging in behaviors incompatible with boyfriend/marriage. Most younger chicks, being illogical, hate it when you point out that her behaviors are not compatible with her statements. I have some of that going on right now too, but I am trying to work this out… my own psychology is misaligned and I know it.

It’s because Ms. Slav is very unusual that I have written so much about her. I think I wrote that previously, but based on some feedback I’ve been getting, I want to mention it here: don’t take Ms. Slav as typical of the non-monogamy scene. She is not, at all. She has unusual psychology and is also abnormally young and hot. But she is the reason why some guys will stay in it… they occasionally get lucky when very unusual girls like her come along, who are willing to f**k guys they really shouldn’t.