A story about introducing another couple to non-monogamy slowly, and the virtues of moving slowly versus quickly

I want to talk not about how, during a holiday, I wound up naked with my then-girlfriend and two other couples while rolling on MDMA, but about how we got there, over time, and through deep knowledge of the other participants. Neither of the other couples had ever done anything like this before… I’m going to name the other couples after the girls in them, “Allison” and “Zephyra.” “Hot girl in her 20s gives me a blowjob!” could the salacious, pornified headline, and, don’t get me wrong, it was great… I could write a whole story from the perspective of that moment, and me being such a baller player, but, as with The game’s endgame and picking up a girl at a private party, the moment of hot consummation isn’t the most educational, relevant element (there are many educational, relevant elements in the free book). Neither is the fact that our other female friend, Zephyra, offered a bit of a contribution, so, technically, two other girls were involved. I know of zero straight guys who don’t want to look down and see two pretty girls knob polishing (if you are one, feel free to comment on why you don’t want to see this).

“Build wealth slowly” xbtusd likes to say. Like many things he says, there’s an oracular, inscrutable quality to that… in another life, he could be one of those Buddhist teachers, wapping their acolytes with a stick and emitting peculiar koans. What’s “Build wealth slowly” mean? We’re all familiar with “get rich quick” schemes, which never really work out and which ensnare the unwary. They don’t work, but they’re appealing because of their speed.

A woman goes to the husband store…

An old but valuable joke: A woman goes to the Husband Store on Fifth Avenue and, on the first floor, there are hundreds of hot guys to choose from. “This is great,” she says to the salesman, “I can pick any of these to be my husband?” He says yes, and the guys are all good looking. But she says, “These guys are great, but what else do you have?” “Follow me,” the salesman says.

On the second floor, the guys are all good looking AND rich. The woman is thrilled. “Wow, good looking and rich. Jackpot.” She inspects the men, likes them, but she wants to see the third floor. Now, they’re good looking, rich, AND funny. The woman says she’s pretty much there. “But is he good with kids?” she asks. The salesman brings her to the fourth floor, where the guys are also good with kids.

This keeps going. Good with pets. Highly educated. Nice to her mother. Won’t try to sleep with her hotter sister. Finally, she gets to the 12th floor, and she’s in the room full of guys with numerous superlative qualities. But she’s still not quite there yet. Has she really found her soulmate? She steps out of the elevator on the 13th floor, and it’s the roof. She walks to the edge. “There are no guys up here? What’s going on? Where is everyone?” She peers behind her and sees the elevator door closing, with the salesman disappearing behind it. There’s a gust of wind, and she falls off the top of the building; this isn’t real life, so she splats on the ground but picks herself up, unharmed. She goes to the door of the Husband Store, which is now dark, with a “Closed” sign on the door; she pounds on it, and the salesman opens it ajar to say, “Sorry, ma’am, but, as you can see, we’re closed.” “Ma’am?” the woman says, “I’m not that old, and also…” But the door is closed and she hears the lock slam shut.

(Another version of this joke has the 13th floor being a room full of cats.)

In the male version, a guy goes in the wife store and the first floor is full of hot chicks, the second is hot chicks who want to f**k the guy a lot, the third floor is hot chicks into the same stuff he is (reading, fitness, functional programming languages), and the fourth floor is chicks who are also nice. Once the guy gets to the fourth floor, the guy picks a woman, and he goes, as he’s walking out, “By the way, salesman, what’s on the fifth floor?” And the salesman goes, “I don’t know, no guy’s ever gone up to the fifth floor.”

Women tend to stay on the shelf too long. Guys only need a couple floors. Every hot chick has a dozen beta males eager to wife her up.

An old joke re-told by my buddy, who hasn’t yet chosen a pickup seduction handle, but who needs to, because he’s a fount of stories, wisdom, and laughs in emails and private group chats. I’ve been cajoling and nagging him to share his insights for years, and one hopes he’ll eventually do so. If you like this post, try the free book. 

Field report: meeting an intrigued Indian doctor

Xbtusd is back, with a field report. He writes at Whatisityouseek.com.

My in-person game is generally pretty terrible (i.e. cold approach), but from time to time situations arise organically that make me feel comfortable hitting on girls in public spaces.  Last summer, we had street shutdowns that essentially turned into 24/7 block parties.  On Friday and Saturday nights, people would come out and gather, and there was a guy who used to run a mobile DJ unit, dragging around a PA system on a little trolley.  DJs die after a sufficient period of time without music and attention, like an animal denied water, so I understood why he did what he did. I’d befriended him after multiple run-ins in different parks, joining in on his impromptu dance parties.  I saw him playing and called out to him as he was walking away with two girls in tow, though it was early for a threesome.  I was with a small crew of around 8 people just out and about drinking and enjoying ourselves on the streets.  The DJ and I began chatting and immediately the two girls with him started berating me for not wearing a mask.  For clarity, I’m pro-mask, pro-vax, but within reasonable contexts.  By  last summer, it was clear  that being outside was totally safe without masks, especially with the low COVID #’s where I was.  

That said, I’m almost as annoyed by the blindly pro-mask as I am by the blindly anti-mask.  I love to fuck with people (hence this website, and me being on Twitter), so my knee-jerk reaction was to go into character as an anti-mask Trump nut.  I like this character even more given that my outward appearance makes it confusing for people.  I began ranting about how masks were stupid and that COVID was a hoax created by the government to control people.  I have become a particular fan of the rhetorical style of a now-famous whistleblower who goes by the moniker “Q” and whose identity remains anonymous.  I sprinkled in some lines like, “follow the money”.  “Who benefits”.  “The storm is coming”.  And tried not to break character or laugh for a good five minutes.  Think of Sasha Baron Cohen as Da Ali G or Borat. Being good liberals, they took this as an opportunity to engage with a lost sheep and see if they could bring him back to the flock.  Eventually I couldn’t keep the comedy going and dropped the rhetoric.  This would probably fit into the idea of “push-pull.”  There was an immediate connection once I started speaking normally and explained the nuances of my view, that I didn’t feel the need to wear a mask outside but did wear one indoors in public spaces.  I could’ve said, “Masks are like condoms, everyone says they always use them, but will make an exception this one time.”  They were both Indian doctors, and so were pro-authority and erring on the side of caution, and they believed I needed to show data to prove that wearing a mask was safe, while I viewed the proof as self evident based on the lack of a spike in cases post BLM protests (I wonder if gonorrhea cases rose: protesting seems to have a strong hookup component, after the protest).  As this debate evolved, a few pieces of logistics fell into place.

Not the only guy who’s figured it out

“Mr Non-Monogamous, Part 1 – The Unexpected Date” is from an older woman’s dating journal, and it’s about a guy who’s figured out pretty much what I’ve figured out, that sex parties and sex clubs could be the next level of game… Lucy is older, verging on being a spinster, so she is very unapproving of men with lots of options, but read through the bile and you’ll see that the fellow, Charlie, has discovered via experiment that non-monogamy can work as a way to have sex with more and hotter women,

What the actual fuck is it with all these guys wanting to be in ‘Open Relationships’? Pretending to be all enlightened, all shary and sex-positive and forward-thinking, when really it’s just them wanting to stick their dicks into as many women as possible. It’s total, shameless, greedy fuckboyery, is what it is. At least in the past men had the decency to try to hide it if they wanted to bone a string of different women. Today it seems being a cheating arsehole is now a ‘lifestyle choice’.

No need to pretend enlightenment, but if you want “to stick your dick into as many women as possible” and “bone a string of different women,” then non-monogamy can be a functional frame in order to achieve those ends. Lots of women will go for it, if it’s pitched right, by a sufficiently high-status guy. Xbtusd also knows these non-mono strategies work. Guys are learning! Some of them are learning by reading Red Quest, then implementing the powerful strategies presented here.

Charlie is “completely open about his relationship status, and he’s clearly very interested in her. Which, even coming from a total man-whore, is super flattering,” so he has that advantage… although merely being into a younger and hotter woman will often not be that flattering to her because every man is into young, hot women. He has decent moves and is not a p***y (unlike so many men  today… so chicks tell me), which we can see because,

he kisses her again, harder, grabbing her hair firmly at the back of her head and leaning fully into the kiss. Assertive, dominating, determined. This is a man who knows what he wants and is used to getting it. It’s insanely sexy.

She seems to take too long to lay, IMO, but, whatever, the most notable piece of the story is the guy, who has figured out what I have figured out and what you, if you have been reading here long enough, have also figured out. It’s still surprising to me that more guys haven’t incorporated this frame and these ideas into their game. I have heard it said that more chicks are putting “no poly” or “no swingers” on their online dating profiles (always ignore the profile claims about her not being a slut or whatever), so these practices must be spreading.

Whoops. Last weekend. Backsliding in game.

Went to a private party two Saturday nights ago, intending to see some friends and leave. Said party was much larger than I thought it would be, with fewer people who I knew, but enough that I could do a lot of chitchat and set merges. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman I’ve f**ked a few times before, not recently (last time was two years ago?) and have also hung out with apart from f**king. She looks very good for her age, late 30s, with a high 7 body (must have been boy-slender while she was younger, so she has grown into her body, as some very thin chicks do) and a less-good high 5 / low 6 face. Her body looked very good in her lingerie bodysuit… we got around to talking, very close together, a lot of eye f**king, and then I asked if I could kiss her (necessary in that environment). She said yes and it progressed straightaway from there, into kissing, groping, me spanking her vigorously… despite some wrist/elbow problems, that I foolishly ignored in the moment, with her getting more and more into it, me getting more into it, moving her by her hair, having her go down on me to get me hard, then me bringing her onto a bed for a minute. It was very on, and we f**ked on the bed, then I put her on a spanking bench and really let rip.

I don’t mean to brag, but I railed this girl harder than Amtrak. I also caught that mystical moment when you’re pleasurably f**king the girl, you’re totally engaged, but you’re not moving too much towards orgasm and can control the flow. We probably f**ked hard. I believe she had one clitoral orgasm with her fingers, then, while she was on the spanking bench (not this sex bench but in the same neighborhood), and I felt off, and she then had a full-body g-spot vaginal orgasm. I think the spanking bench was key because she could relax the tension in her entire body and let her weight be distributed along her shins, knees, and torso, with just her p***y opening available at the end for me to rail. And I could hold her by the neck, hair, or hips… having her by the back of the neck seemed to do it for her, so I did that. Maybe she got a little bit of choking sensation from the weight.

I almost came from her clitoral orgasm, but I managed not to by slowing my speed and even holding still while she spasmed. Then, as her p***y began to relax again, I started going again. I asked her if it was too much and she said no, and sure enough I could not outlast her more intense orgasm. It felt like hours passed, but realistically it was probably like 10 minutes, maybe 13 – 15… 10 minutes of extreme exertion… not quite like sprinting (no one can sprint for 10 straight minutes), yet still enough to be physically exhausting. I know about the hours thing, because I have checked the tape and seen that what can feel like an hour turns out to be six minutes or something (chicks will also posit that we were at it for like an hour, but time stamps don’t lie to either of us). I have even asked chicks… “How long was that?” “30 minutes.” Then the tape shows that it was like 6 or 7 minutes… you cannot trust people on the subject of sex. Even if we don’t mean to lie, we lie.

When this chick, I will call her Skinny Minnie, and I finished we lolled together for a while, very much in our own world. Other people instinctively and intelligently let us be. It felt like we were in that post-sex bonding high state for many hours, but, again, I’m sure it was in reality far shorter than that.

I admire women in the 35 – 50 range who haven’t given up… there could be a lot more women who still have some sexual allure in that age range, but they don’t because they love sugar, simple carbs, and drinking more than they love sex, sensuality, and connection. Obviously no 40 year old woman is going to be as attractive as a hot 20 year old woman, but many of them could still have something going for them if they weren’t lazy and undisciplined. Saying this is like complaining about the weather, as I’m not going to change it, but my admiration for those who don’t let themselves morph into jabba the hut and then blame it on their kid or their job has gone up.

I theorize that Skinny Minnie and I were just familiar enough with each other to have great sex, but not so familiar as to be bored. We’d just gotten over the unfamiliar to familiar line and could thus relax into the f**king. The only regret is the condom, though it was necessary given the circumstances. The great sex may have had nothing to do with familiar/defamiliar and it might just be one of those things that happens if you go at it enough times and keep honing your skills.

For someone who probably has annoying feminist political views and who probably hates children, I like Skinny Minnie a lot. Online life is disfiguring our ability to hang out, bond with other people, and not go into paroxysms of bullshit over every relatively minor political thing that happens. I’m talking to you too, angry Red Pill guys.

On Sunday (a little less than two weeks ago now), I went to a more sedate event… and this girl was there! Unbelievable. She was also there with another couple, who we met together. We talked some, but she has had some tumultuous life events and problems that I don’t want to enumerate because they are very specific to her. I was so so hot for her at first… I have pictures that make you think she’s a high 9 and pictures that could make you think she’s a high 6. Angles and lighting, man. I was so hot for her when I first laid, and now I can barely remember why. Some chicks, when body and mind are very appealing to me, I can stay very attracted for a very long time (e.g. Short Dancer).

Strangely, I feel bad on the net about that weekend, because it moved me further away from my “long range” goals. I also ate a piece of bread and some pasta at the event on Sunday, against paleo principles… eating wrongly is interesting because a very small amount of wrong goes a very long way for me… when I have slipped in the past, I have felt substantially worse than I typically do, yet with very little slippage. I can’t fathom the typical people (fatties, mostly) who eat all this sugar and feel like shit 98% of the time. That could explain why so many people are f**king c**ts.

I wasn’t congruent between short term and long term goals. I can likely “get away” with it in some sense, but that is not a good way to think if you want to build lasting, purpose-driven relationships. Most people WILL notice incongruence over time. That is also the basis for some of my view in relationships with women, like, it is good to trust but verify… so you basically trust her, but if you have the opportunity, double check. She says she’s with her best friend Tuesday night, so next time you see the friend, “Tell me about Tuesday.” Does the best friend know what you mean right away?

She’s working late, so you bring her a snack without warning… you walk in, drop it off quickly, and leave. Is she happy to see you? What’s her body language like with her coworker? Etc. Is her behavior congruent with what she says? Contrary to what you read among angry Red Pillers, most women are pretty congruent, once they are established in a relationship. But it is also a good idea to keep the temperature of the congruence… is she suddenly developing new “guy friends?” Is her relationship first? Is what she wants and what you want the same? Does she say she wants a family but doesn’t behave that way? Does she say she wants to party but you can tell she wants a family? These are all things to think about.

Then there are other forms of incongruence. Does she try to put on a smart/intelligent face but is actually dumb? Is she actually pretty smart but trying to appear dumb? Probably no one, myself included, is 100% consistent and congruent, but it is good to keep your eye on the gauges and note when one is out of whack. Smart chicks are of course doing the same to you, and if you are not living the way you say you are, she will notice.

I don’t think very many people are hit blind, and without warning, about relationship break down…listen to your internal senses, without being paranoid, and run little spot checks, and you’ll figure out what’s up. People ignore what should attract their attention. It’s true that there are a lot of social r^tards out there in the Internet, who can’t do this, and then bad things happen to them… but most of us need to cultivate our own instincts. If we do that, many problems can be prevented or foreseen, and prepared for. Many men today also do not fundamentally understand that no relationships is automatically permanent… she can leave at any time… once you have internalized this idea, you will structure your life accordingly.

Skinny Minnie… she doesn’t have the best face but her body is still doing well. There is another girl, I’ll call her Blondie, who I slept with for a while four or five years ago… she was curvy (in a genuine, good way) with a flat stomach… not very bright but very attractive, very sexual. So good in bed. Probably a low 8. Maybe mid 8 (then). Now… high 5? Low 6? I saw her again recently, and she is one for whom the idea of the wall was invented. Shocking degradation, and without having had a kid, over a short period of time. Skinnie Minnie is older but has better discipline (I think) as well as a better body type for aging. Some girls also really know how to f**k and be f**ked, and Skinnie Minnie is one of them.

So that was the weekend before last. Last weekend (six days ago now), I went to a friend’s party that had some elements similar to the prior weekend… but almost no one of interest. One pretty 22-year-old freak (which I like and say in a positive way) who doesn’t shave under her arms (HUGE turnoff to me) was interested… I’ve run into her before… interest is low due to hair issue. It’s a real shame because she’s a solid high 7 if she shaves properly and normally. Watching an attractive woman sexually neuter herself is f**king painful.

Another woman was there who was I just not into… she’s like 43 or 45 or something and is in not bad shape for her age, but to me she’s just not of sexual interest. Drop five or seven years and I think she’d be in the acceptable ballpark. Another couple was asking me what I think of the woman, and I was like, “She’s just not my type.” They kept going, “Why?” I didn’t want to say, “Too old and beat up,” even though that’s the answer… they know it, and I know it, and they know I know. Everyone knows why I wasn’t interested, but in this atmosphere it’s dangerous to admit, “I want the hot chicks not the other ones.” Particularly for casual liaisons. I bet this woman was SMOKING hot when she was 22. She has nice interpersonal energy, bubbly personality, but I feel bad for her… no kids, still trying to make it happen, not getting there. Too many fatties at the party in general… almost all of them were the kind of people who make you think, “With a little bit of discipline and time in the gym you could raise your value a lot.” Something that was true of both the men and the women, by the way. Too much of a freakshow for me, overall, although two of the guys there have basically set up a club/party ecosystem. It’s not an easy way for it to happen, but I understand the appeal.

It’s always funny to feel sexual energy and interest from a chick who is not of interest. As I ratcheted my sexual energy down, she ratcheted hers up. It’s extremely rare for a genuinely attractive chick to move on me… I’m not sure it’s ever happened… sure, sometimes they might hang around in proximity, that sort of thing.

If you get an unattractive woman hitting on you, it should remind you of what women have to go through… an unattractive woman is not a sexual threat to me. A chick may get unwanted attention from a guy who is 8 inches taller than her and outweighs her by 40+ pounds (not that common anymore because of how fat the average chick is, but let’s assume this is for an attractive woman, as large chicks are their own man repellant).

This weekend I am going to lay low and focus on family things and the better relationship. I need to do that more consistently, but I am struggling more than I should between different desires. Magnum reviews the new Krauser book and it sounds like the book is covering some of the psychological territory I am in. I will write more about the book when I am done with it and will probably give my copy away.

One interesting thing is that over the course of my player journey, if I had one, I have gotten better at letting go of chicks who I am not so interested in, and letting go of chicks who are less interested in me. It has probably reduced the lay count quite a bit (fine with me), but it is a better way to live. I was more dogged at first, and there is a place for doggedness… but doggedness can degrade your psychology and make you not like chicks very much.

This has turned into a ramble, but my method for writing is to read some things or have some experiences and then reflect on them and what they mean. These are some recent experiences and some ideas on what they might mean.

The university mess up and the dorm bicycle

As a university freshman I had a “friend,” we’ll call her Kate, who had a boyfriend at another school out-of-state. She talked about him quite a bit while sober… then would get drunk and become the dorm/school bicycle. If I remember correctly, my roommate had a ride pretty early on.

One night she knocked on my door late at night and came in crying because she’d f**ked some guy who apparently only lasted a minute, then she saw him kissing another girl later that night. She ran up to him, slapped him, and ran away. You may be thinking, “This is just another crazy chick,” but apart from that and some of her sex habits, she seemed pretty normal. She got into bed with me and eventually finished up crying. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top or something like that.

As the conversation petered out, I was trying to decide if I should try to f**k her or not… and I decided not to. Or I was too scared to. I think I didn’t go for her more because of the residual boyfriend guilt than anything else. So there was this super-available, pretty girl… and I didn’t hit it.

But Kate’s madness was an early reference experience that clued me into the idea that what I saw on society’s surface, was (is) different than what’s actually going on. Knowing what I know today, of course the obvious thing is to bend her over, rail her (protected!), and then send her on her way, or just kick her out and tell her to find another orbiter to cry on, but I was not so advanced then. Thinking of myself, then vs. now, is also why I’m willing to entertain and respond to more newbie questions than some guys will… myself at that age did not have the comprehension that I do now. I also didn’t understand that lots of chicks will cheat and for that reason it’s fine to take shots at married chicks or women with boyfriends. If she is going to cheat, I want to let her cheat with me!

At the end of her first year, Kate transferred to her boyfriend’s college… and then broke up with him! This is one of the many reference experiences that can be distilled into the macro point that chicks are random. (See also.) In my younger life I spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to logic out chicks’s behaviors, and it took an embarrassingly long time to reach the “chicks are random” conclusion that most players eventually find. Trying to be overly analytical about an individual chick is foolish. Across many chicks, you can discern patterns, but a single chick is likely to be a random collection of impulses that she doesn’t understand, let alone you. Often if you try to probe for the logic behind a chick’s actions, you’ll get total nonsense, and if you probe too hard, the chick will just get angry. “Why don’t guys just get it?” she thinks. She knows that what she feels in the moment is reality, so guys should understand that too.

Right after college, Kate moved back to my city and I made the mistake of inviting her to a fairly formal party. We went and I tried to bang her after. She still looked good, although less good than she had at age 18/19, but she wouldn’t let me bang her. I was disappointed and still had some residual of the mindset that since we’d had a fancy “date,” we should f**k at the end. Obviously, experienced players know that’s a stupid mindset. She had yet another boyfriend who was supposed to move to our city in a couple months.

After that night, I stopped contacting her, although she kept contacting me for a couple weeks after. I had learned enough to give up on chicks I wanted to bang, but who weren’t going to bang me. I think she saw me as soft and safe (she was somewhat correct about that at the time) and I didn’t want to be in that frame.

So Kate. At some point we were Facebook friends, and we may have done some chatting on Facebook like 10 years ago, but I just tried to look her up to see what she’s like today and discovered she must have unfriended me. That is okay with me, because I can’t imagine having anything to say to her today, but I remember her because of how f**king puzzled I was as a freshman just learning how chicks really work.

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but…

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but on years when I’m not doing family stuff, I often go to a friend’s Thanksgiving. My friends have a fun house and are very accepting… they invite lots of their friends and family, so the group is always fresh and kind of random.

You can probably see where this is going, and what the stupid thing is: I told Ms. Slav she can come, although I warned her that she would probably be bored because most of the people there will be far older than her and more boring than her. But she doesn’t have anything to do and, while lots of college girls claim they don’t fit in with the rest of the college herd, in her case it is actually true.

I have brought “inappropriate” girls to events like Thanksgiving, but this is a new high, or low, for me. Ms. Slav has very good social skills, so I’m not concerned about that. I am looking forward to the feedback from friends afterwords, though. When a single guy brings a hot chick into a world that mostly consists of couples who are close to each other in age, interesting things happen. Usually the women all get their feathers ruffled and their hackles up. They instinctively hate the younger, hotter rival, but social etiquette demands they not be too direct about that hate.

Their real ire, however, is about the example the younger rival sets. All of their boyfriends and husbands are going to look at me and start thinking, “If this guy can pull that hot young girl, can I do it, too?” A few of the guys will be jealous but most of them will be like, “You lucky dog, you.”

I hate the emphasis normal guys put on “Getting lucky.” It isn’t luck, for the most part. It’s skill, diligently applied. With any given interaction, there is a luck element. Like with Ms. Slav, when I opened her about books I had no idea she’d be such a sexual predator. There was luck. But I’ve chatted with hundreds of other girls who went nowhere. Ms. Slav was luck. Chatting up all those other girls… it has elements of skill. All those nights at the gym, days in the pool, sessions in the yoga studio… that isn’t luck.

So we’re going to see how it goes. I’ve warned Ms. Slav and attempted to set very low expectations. Bringing her is in some ways “bad game.” It seems like a nice thing to do, and, because she’s not from the United States, she has limited options.

Too bad I’ve not banged her friend from her home country. That may be back on the table, though. If I walked in with TWO young hot chicks, I would never hear the end of it. That’s okay with me, as I’m “the black sheep” in some ways among people I know who are somewhat close to my own age. But as my friends and colleagues go through their divorces (usually in ages 35 – 45), some of them are coming around to my point of view. One guy I work with had a lot of subtle but noticeable disapproval of me and my life… until his wife wanted a divorce out of the blue. Now he almost wants to be my disciple, which is kind of strange.

Going back to Ms. Slav, I get the sense that most players are living in NYC, LA, London, or other megapolises where almost everyone stays single a very long time and almost no one has kids. My own non-dating social world  is quite a bit different from that.

Ms. Slav story updates: Enter new girl Peaches

In the last update I said, “I’ve been in a sex whirlwind,” and that is still true. We met this couple (pseudo-couple, I now know) off an app, went out, had a good time getting drinks, and brought them back for sex. It was good, very good for me. But as we were moving to it, the girl dropped that she is… married. Not to the guy she’s with. Interesting. I asked if he’s a low-sex-drive guy and she confirms, or claims, that he is.

I don’t get why a girl like her, we’ll call her Peaches, would get with a low-sex-drive guy. Peaches comes from a somewhat religious family, so maybe she has Christian baggage impeding her? A LOT of chicks in the scene used to be religious, and, when they got out of the religious atmosphere, they go full-tilt the opposite direction. Whatever the case, she has been on birth control since she was a teenager and hormonal birth control has not harmed her sex drive a whit. I love chicks like that.

Both the guy and Peaches are in their 20s, the girl finishing up grad school and no doubt figuring out what to do next. A side thing, a rant really, on grad school: do not go to grad school and then think you’re going to get a professor job. This is false for the vast majority of graduate students. The overwhelming majority of people realize there is no good job for them at the end… some guys (and some chicks) who are intellectually smarter than me spend 6+ years in school, then get post-doc jobs for $50,000 a year… less than I was making at 24.

For an intellectually inclined guy, it is okay, straight out of school, to do a two-year master degree, then get out. With a master degree, a guy can do some teaching if he wants and if he can make it work around his real job. Teaching can also be a powerful ecosystem tool for getting chicks, but doing graduate school and thinking, “I can get chicks this way” is an awful way to plan, but I do believe I have seen it. A guy is better off with a real job and learning game.

Modern academic life, like marriage, is a trap. “Smart” guys who are praised by their college instructors may think graduate school is a good idea. It is not and it will frequently f**k up your life… as it has for Peaches, who is almost certainly making less money than she would have with an undergraduate nursing degree. Peaches makes far less money than nurses do, and she works to advance someone else’s career.

Still has incredible tits and a nice body overall. Perfectly shaped and proportioned T & A. There are some reasonable number of women doing group sex and open relationships are freshly divorced or out of long-term relationships and ready to party. This one isn’t divorced yet, but late 20s and high sex drive + weak husband equals divorce. The husband knows about her sex life, or so she says… I have heard this one before and it isn’t always true.

I like Peaches’s face a lot because I like her as a whole package, but she’s got a pretty normal, girl-next-door face. I think she’s getting pretty intensely into me. We have great sex chemistry. I’m going to try to break her off from her other guy… I’m better than him in bed, despite being something like 15 years older, and I can see Peaches looking at me and… thinking. Thinking about what she’s going to do next. I’ve been around a lot of girls who are thinking about the branch swing. There is a lot of “money doesn’t matter in game” and “don’t be a provider” comments in the game and Red Pill community. The first one is untrue or slightly true: money isn’t very important in the very short term, but, as soon as you get into a regular thing with a chick, it starts to matter if you have none of it. Chicks prefer guys with their shit together, if possible, just like guys prefer younger-hotter, if possible.

“IF POSSIBLE.” Not always possible.

Average, game-unaware guys overestimate the importance of money and default towards presenting themselves as providers, both being mistakes. But I see game guys default too far in the other direction. In this foursome, I end up controlling a lot of the narrative and logistics because I have the money and space to pull them off.

So… does money matter? Yes and no. All else being equal, more is better. The older a guy gets, the more true this is. I’ve seen it go every which way in my life. I’ve seen chicks leave pretty well-off guys who bore the chick. She goes off with some couch-surfing guitarist. I’ve seen chicks leave cool artsy alternative guys when the chicks want someone stable and responsible. There is no magic “right” answer because the right answer varies by the chick and how long you’re going to be with her. The longer you’re with her, the more the money matters. Even for Peaches, I see her interest in me. Helps that I’ve banged her unbelievably hard and thoroughly.

A while ago, I was seeing this girl, I think I met her online (so quite a while ago). In her clothes and especially her tight wrap dresses, a good choice on her, she looked delicious. Completely fecund. Curvy in all the right places. I’ve been with girls like that, and when they’re young, they’re fantastic. Eventually got her naked and everything flopped out and down. Like unwrapping an anticipated Christmas present that turns out to be old socks.

I’ve had the opposite happen too. Peaches is the opposite. She looks good but not stunning, and most guys would probably give her a very high 6 or low 7. Sometimes you’ll see some chick you think is okay, she doesn’t wear very flattering clothes, or she does but you don’t quite know what you’re going to get, and you take it all off and everything is perky, smooth, beautifully flush, and you bump her up a couple notches. You just don’t know till you close her.

Peaches is more of the latter. Looks okay clothed and better nude. I have unusual experience in comparing chicks clothed to chicks nude, due to group sex.

I believe Peaches found this guy, Other Guy and he was sort of “the first person available.” Now she’s seeing a guy like me, a better choice in almost every way, and I think she is going to wind up with someone else. Such is the danger of non-monogamy for guys who do not measure up, as I think this guy is.

I was walking out with him one night and mentioned my plans to do the gym the next day. He was like, “That is a good idea.” I told him the truth, that I love it, and that I love straining against the iron. I didn’t love it at first, but the love grew over time, especially reading some inspirational literature from Arnold, and from other guys who live life in the Temple of Iron. I’m not one of them… I’m not huge or jacked… but I do love chasing the challenge. A guy who does non-monogamy is going to run into guys who are serious about lifting and diet. That is a danger for the average guy, who is serious about neither, and whose lack of seriousness shows.

I could be wrong. I could try to pull Peaches for one-on-one and fail. It has happened before. But the signs are there. I’ll try for next weekend. I sound awfully arrogant in this section of the post. I’m trying to be honest, though. I have met guys who are better looking and wealthier than me. This one… just isn’t one. Sorry, Other Guy. He’s also a little too PC for me, a little too SJW. Which is fine… I don’t dispute these things all that much in real life. I lead by example, not by derailing good flirting with political talk. But it, his PC-ness, makes me think a little less of him as a man, and it probably also makes normal women just a little bit drier towards him. To normal women, the PC / SJW thing is fine among low-status, non-sexual “allies,” but not so good in guys they actually consider f**king. I just don’t see those PC / SJW guys getting as much sex. PC / SJW talk is a demonstration of lower value to women, even among women who might agree intellectually.

So we’re seeing them again this week. Being with Ms. Slav has been a wild f**king ride, and it continues to be one. I don’t know how long I can do it, though. She parties harder than me… she is amazing in some ways, too much in others. I’m happy to have found her, but I also feel like she is going to be, if not the last, then one of the last girls I do the full, complete, crazy non-monogamy crazy party thing with. The desire is not there as it used to be. But I’m also happy I brought Ms. Slav in. She would have found it eventually, and she is too highly sexed to be suitable for normal relationships.

She is also less discriminating than most girls and less discriminating than me. Usually I control the whole flow from meeting to sex. Ms. Slav is happy to have a LOT of sex in one night, and she has it with people she shouldn’t, in my view. Not that the sex is wrong, but both the guy and the girl in a couple need to bring value to the table. If they do not, she should not be with them, in my view. I have very much internalized the “exchange of value” paradigm that I have written about. Ms. Slav, when she gets turned on, is not as devoted to that paradigm. Very, very unusual.

She says that she has never done online dating, which is surprising to me. It may be that she is willing to f**k whatever guy happens to be in her orbit, so she doesn’t need it.

With Ms. Slav, I think I have changed her entire life trajectory. Her inclinations were already there, but I have opened a door for her. Given her a Red Pill (though not that Red Pill).

It’s a wild ride, like I said, and it’s basically insane. I also find myself feeling oddly lonely at times, as I have not, usually, in the past. Sometimes in the middle of group sex I feel totally alone. I do not know what that means. Something in my psychology is changing.

Ms. Slav is so young that she is the object of virtually every man’s desire. It has been some time since I’ve been in the scene with a girl quite as stunning as her, and the sheer ease of being in the scene with her keeps me attached to it. Almost any girl becomes available. There is an addictive quality to having that be true. Not having to work hard for high-quality tail is extremely appealing. It’s what drives men to the heights of artistic achievement. I don’t want to overstate, as I don’t have a free buffet of 8+ chicks, as high-end actors and musicians do. But I have had and do right now have access to chicks most guys would be quite pleased to nail even after a lot of work. Ms. Slav has beauty and I have reasonable game + connections + logistics. Part of me wants to scale back, as you can tell from reading this. Part of me, however, has stumbled into this amazing situation. It is “easy mode.”

Ms. Slav also, like a lot of hot girls, doesn’t understand that sex isn’t just available “on demand” for guys. If she wants sex, she just gets it. Pretty much every straight man she’s ever met wants to have sex with her. For 98% of guys, it ain’t like that. But for guys, it’s often useful to act like it’s like that. As I do with Ms. Slav.

I think back now to opening Ms. Slav. Every time a guy opens… he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. He’s making things happen. Women very rarely make things happen. Things happen to women. Even Ms. Slav, who is more forward than most women, primarily reacts.

I’ve not been able to get Ms. Slav to ride a bike with me, or go to the gym with me.

Jeremy with the burns

In college I knew a kid, Jeremy, who’d been burned pretty bad in a fire as a child. Part of his torso and upper arm were messed up, as was part of his face. His face wasn’t too f**ked up, but it was misshapen enough to be noticeable. I don’t know if he was naturally on the shorter side or if the fire stunted his growth, but he wasn’t real tall, either. Sounded a little funny, too.

Not a guy you’d expect to do well with the girls, but he made up for his physical problems with personality. He was kind but not a doormat and had an ability to make people feel good about themselves. People, including me, just liked having him around. He’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met. I’m not sure he consciously thought to himself, “I have this fucked up body, so I have to do well in other respects,” but he might as well have thought about it consciously.

On some level, he realized that his problems with his body meant that he needed to work on his mind and social skills. He must have spent many years doing just that. I doubt he read How To Win Friends and Influence People, but I think he discovered everything in it on his own, like a hedge mathematician who rediscovers already-known theorems.

Today, Jeremy might not be very successful on Tinder, but he knew how to operate in the real world. His natural game was better than mine, even though I had considerable physical advantages over him. Did he care about taking off his shirt? Not a bit. When he’d see people staring at him, he’d call out his own obvious deficiency (“Sick burns, right?”). Instead of trying to hide his deformity, he’d call it out, neutralize it, and then move on. I think people who knew him pretty much stopped seeing the charred skin.

Did he get as many chicks as tall, well-built, gregarious guys? No. No he did not. Did he sometimes get tooled and friend-zoned by hot chicks? Absolutely. But he did pretty damn well by the standards of college and he considerably out-performed what you’d expect. He had a lot of deficiencies and weaknesses, but he worked to turn those weaknesses into strengths. He tried to make up for his physical deficits with his personality… and it worked.

Personality and social skills are probably the hardest things to teach and describe in the game toolkit. That’s probably why newly RP guys are taught to overcome their approach fears, hit the gym, quit sugar, etc. … all activities that are easy to describe and implement. “Learn how to interact with people” “read social cues,” those things are hard.

Jeremy and I lost touch over time, but he did marry a pretty girl (“out of his league” the online punters would say) and had a couple kids. Very normal life trajectory. You could say he overperformed his expectations. I’ve not met anyone quite like Jeremy, but I think of the short guys who become doctors, the guys who realize that if one form of the game doesn’t work, it’s time to play a different game. Every guy who exists today exists because, going back to the beginning of sexual selection, his ancestors made him happen. If his dad and granddad and great-granddad could make him happen, he can make it happen too. He needs to avoid giving into despair. Jeremy could easily have given into despair.

I think about Jeremy sometimes when I read guys’s complaints. Jeremy was a guy with some problems, but he also made it a priority to figure out how to overcome those problems.

I wrote earlier that for the vast majority of guys there is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Every guy is working what he’s got, to get laid. Jeremy had less to work with than many guys, but he got there. Chances are you know a Jeremy in your life, and it’s good to ask yourself what you might be able to learn from him.

The top girl from Seeking Arrangements

I’m getting some questions about older posts, including this one about Seeking Arrangements (I wrote it a long time ago and then re-posted it to this blog after I created it). I had some crappy SA dates that were oddly similar to crappy regular online dates, but I want to focus on the girl I mentioned who I saw for a long time. She was gorgeous and a very solid 8. Conceivably a low 9, although she didn’t dress or act like it. She dressed and acted like a typical college student: jeans, t-shirts, tank-tops, sweatshirts. Okay clothes but she didn’t have a lot of experience with or interest in fashion, maybe because she didn’t have the money to. Inexperienced but not stupid. She was a basic girl in many ways but also ready to shed some of her basic habits like TV, boring social networks, and adopt newer, more interesting habits. She didn’t behave like the hot girl and at the time I don’t think she fully understood how hot she was. Some younger chicks, especially the ones who don’t dress with their chests and butts hanging out, don’t fully understand their power or how to wield it. Some do, of course, and they can be obnoxious, but this one didn’t. I notice that a lot of girls don’t figure out how to wield their sexual power until ages 21 – 23.

I’d gone on dates with some other chicks from SA. Some were not as described, the typical online dating problem. One stands out, as she was an outright pro and pretty, but she wanted an outrageous amount of money, and I laughed in her face. She tried to negotiate downwards, but one key to negotiation is to be ready to walk away. I was ready to walk and promptly did. Real pros are usually a little too brittle and distant for my taste. I notably banged two chicks, one multiple times, and gave that one some money, about $200. But when I found SA girl, I stopped with the SA efforts.

SA Girl looked better than her pictures and was surprisingly demure. In retrospect, she said she found me deeply intimidating but also someone she could easily talk to. I used a lot of open-ended hopes and dreams and peak experience questions, all of which resonated with her. I think she’d gone out only with guys who wanted to get between her legs as fast as they could. They didn’t have good dating or seduction skills, or chose not to use them. Most chicks like to know something of the guy they’re going to let inside them, even if they’re to be paid. SA Girl really responded to hand-holding, one-minute silent eye contact, closing her eyes and visualizing her dreams and future, those kinds of things. I don’t know if I like girls who respond to that kind of thing better, or if girls who like me respond better, but I can get into the “bubble” quickly with it. When it works, it works. We were more compatible than typical people. That sounds like bullshit optimism, but I’ve been a lot of gray online dates. Exceptions stand out.

Our first date was a standard drinks date. My message was typical: “Let’s get a drink at [bar] and see if we’re compatible, and we can go from there.” I actively preferred not to attempt a first-night bang. This girl came in a little black dress (very nice, and also unusual) that I later learned she’d borrowed from a friend. I can’t say exactly how I knew, but I could sense that she wasn’t comfortable in what she was wearing or where she was. It took her time and a lot of comfort effort on my part to open up. Usually I only do hour-long first dates, but I stayed much longer with her, risking being cast as the provider boyfriend type more than the lover guy. We did a quick kiss before we departed, and I told her we should get together for dinner.

On date two a few days later I picked her up (this was before Uber was common) and made dinner and then we fucked. She was very nervous and this affected her performance, but I took a very long time with foreplay and warming her up, which allowed her to relax enough to enjoy it. She wanted to stay over and I slipped an envelope with like $200 in it in her purse. She never asked for money. Next time we got drinks together and she was much less inhibited about sex. The connection was still strong.

I may have been able to keep nailing her free, but if a girl is desperate enough for money, she may do both free and paid sex. I said we should do a $500 a month thing and she immediately agreed. That was a lot of money for her and, based on what I’ve seen since, she doesn’t have the personality for sex work (this is a good thing). She got out of the sex-work grind and I got everything I wanted. Again, I could be wrong and for all I know she was still hooking on the side, but if so she was a master scheduler between school, some normal joe work, and seeing me. It’s never a good idea to underestimate the caginess of women, but this one didn’t display typical signs of sign of outside action, like sudden absences, unaccounted time blocks, extensive phone guarding, etc.

As we learned more about each other, SA Girl said she’d only had sex with three guys before, and while I’m skeptical of these kinds of claims, I somewhat believe it. She’d dated a guy for two or three years, and she seemed surprised at how long I was willing to go down on her and how attentive I was to her reactions during sex. For example, she had extremely sensitive nipples, and her long-term ex either ignored her boobs or was too rough with her, maybe due to porn.

She’d never used sex toys during sex before, and that was a revelation for her. She could come many times by being bent over and having me behind her while she used a vibe on herself. Pretty standard stuff in my world but a total game-changer for her. I think her long-term boyfriend was some combination of young, selfish, and inexperienced. Good sexual communication seemed foreign to her. It took a fair amount of training and openness on my part to get her up to speed, sexually speaking.

Again, to be sure, I can’t say the truth about what she was telling me and what I inferred. Why would she stay with a guy who isn’t that good in bed for such a long time? Young chicks are often dumb and don’t know any better, and she seemed to not know any better. I was much more patient and knowledge than other guys she’d been with, and I may have just hit the right girl with the right stuff at the right time. Or she was flattering my ego. But her behaviors seemed to match her words. That level of congruence is not always common. Players know that sometimes a girl is just into you, for whatever reason, and players know to ride that wave when it hits.

To the extent she wanted sexual adventure, she already had it built into our relationship. Even if I had been interested in a monogamous relationship, she would have been too young to attempt one, apart from how we met.

She was willing to go to sex parties with me and was typically the youngest chick there and always in the top three or five in terms of beauty. Like attracts like, as I’ve written before, and if we found another attractive couple, it was always the couple in the top two or three. As with most things in life, the more value you bring, the more value you get. Some of those couples and women I’m still friends with, long after SA Girl moved away and started some other life (she’s married now, or maybe I should say “for now”).

In my local scene, I’ve been seen with multiple extremely hot chicks. That gives me a standing and reputation that has led to many invitations, events, etc. SA Girl in particular made an impression. Lower-level girls can dress themselves up a level or two, but when all the clothes come off we see who a person really is. When the clothes came off, SA Girl was spectacular.

Eventually it was time for SA Girl to move on, and she talked about either staying in my city or me moving with her. The latter was not feasible for me, in terms of work or family. The former was not wise for her: she would come to resent me, and she was too young for a long-term committed relationship. There were a lot of tears on her part, but, just like I say it is wise to catch and release women who want families, it is good to catch and release young girls for whom a long-term relationship is too early. It is better to let a lover go than to wait until the feeling curdles. Many of you will be familiar with people in high school relationships who try to keep it going at separate colleges, or when the guy leaves for college and the girl goes to high school. It almost never works. My typical strategy for this conversation or set of conversations is to explain that she needs to be free, she needs to explore the world, she needs to see what else is in it: if it is meant to be, she will come back and then we will be together.

Spoiler: I am always right and she doesn’t come back. Or she comes back for some casual sex but not for a long-term relationship. Even then, when I was seeing SA Girl, I knew that no girl under age 25 or 26 is suitable for a long-term relationship. Guys who think otherwise are typically deluding themselves and setting themselves up for drama and heartbreak. At worse, they marry chicks who are too young and set themselves up for expensive divorce. No thank you!

I don’t know what SA is like today, as I’ve not used it or any other paid site in some time. I assume that, if I stay in the game long term, I will eventually turn towards paid sites again. The Internet is of course filled with 55-year-old guys tagging hot 24-year-old chicks, and, while I know from seeing it that that’s possible, it’s also hard to do, even for top guys. And that depends on continued health and wealth. A couple months ago, an acquittance died from cancer. He was in his late 30s with two young kids. News like that makes you think about what you want your life to be about.

For guys, SA and related sites are closer to online dating than is commonly realized. It is possible to blow a disgusting amount of money on lame chicks there. It may also be possible to be very cost-effective. I spent far less money on SA Girl than some guys spend on their divorces, their stupid McMansions, and their Teslas… cars are incredibly overrated as far as game and women are concerned.

I don’t know what SA is like today and right now I feel no urge to find out. I can say this particular girl was worth it. We eventually integrated into each other’s social networks, which was weird and fun for both of us. She liked being around older and sophisticated people. I liked some of her young hot college friends. The ones who weren’t hot and weren’t curious about the world I didn’t spend any time with, because there was nothing we could offer each other. Some of her friends thought it weird she was dating an older guy and some of them were intrigued.

Later I ran into one friend on the street and banged her, so that was a nice bit of pre-selection, but the friend was about a high 6 or so. Nothing special apart from the age disparity, but a nice experience whose seeds had been planted years prior. Many players appear to be wanderers, always finding new cities, cold approaching in new places. I’ve pursued the opposite strategy: living in one place for a long time, knowing it thoroughly, and attempting to build and maintain networks in that place.