Things Red Pill and pickup get right about men and women

A guy asked me about what I think is true and useful in red pill, since I’ve written out some criticisms… it’s a good question… I thought about it… and came up with some answers…

1. Women (mostly) get their value; men (mostly) earn their value

An attractive woman who doesn’t eat too much sugar and isn’t ridiculously lazy gets a lot of social and sexual value as a teenager, and that value stays with her well into her 30s (where it can drop suddenly… a lot of women are surprised by the drop). She doesn’t have to do much to get and maintain her value. Men, by contrast, mostly have to earn our value through achievement. “Achievement” can mean a lot of different things.

“Mostly” is key because there are exceptions. Women can squander their value, and some get screwed genetically, and some get screwed behaviorally by their families (if your family feeds you a bunch of garbage simple carbohydrates and sugar, then a lot of the value will go away or never arrive). Some guys have great physical attractiveness and that works with women, for a long time, without great effort… a few guys get a lot of value without having to do much work for it. There are exceptions but the overall correlation is clear.

2. Most guys don’t understand women.

By failing to understand women or what women want/feel, most guys screw up their game.

3. Women are attracted to winners.

What “winners” means can mean a lot of different things to different women… but a guy who wins at something is going to do better than a guy who doesn’t.

4. Family courts in the United States are set up to attack men

Family courts take men’s money and children away, and there is very little a man can do to stop that process. Real world divorce should be required reading for any man contemplating marriage.

5. Schools are biased against men

Same as #4, but with schools. Parents need to resist schools’s desire to medicate boys, especially younger boys. I don’t want to spend too much time b**ching about bias… the solution to bias is to work harder than the other guy… but it is real and exists.

6. Men are performance oriented.

Video games are poisonous because they give the simulacrum of performance with none of the outcome from the real thing (as a side hobby they can be okay… for a lot of guys they are not a side hobby). “Performance” can mean lots of things, so this is similar to #3.

In terms of men and women “performance” is usually measured by, “are you f**king the chick?” If you f**k her… that is an unambiguous performance success measure… because it’s unambiguous… a lot of guys prefer softer, squishier metrics.

7. Game works. Pickup works.

The game and pickup practices work, if a guy is willing to put in the effort and practice. “Works” will vary by guy… a guy who is male 4 is still unlikely to get female 7s… but the tools are available for a guy to improve his sex and social life, relative to where he starts, if he wants to… most guys don’t, not really.

8. Chicks are usually more passive, and guys need to be more active

Especially with sex/dating, guys need to make the first move… and make things happen… most chicks will accept or reject offers and do little to move things along for themselves. Men create civilization, women live in it (and raise the next generation). Magnum likes to say that women veto. When I was younger I thought women were kind of like defective men because of their inability to propose things, plan, and execute. Now I realize that different isn’t the same as defective… if you expect a cow to be a dog you will usually be disappointed.

9. If you work, you will get better.

This is not a strictly red pill idea, but red pill guys emphasize growth and growth mindset over static/fixed mindset. Trying hard and practice matter. We influence our own destinies, and the harder we try, the more we influence. “Influence” is not the same thing as “100% control…” we are all somewhat restricted by the circumstances of birth, family, genetics, etc. But within those parameters, the people who work to seize control, get more control. If you believe you will fail… you are probably right… if you believe you can’t change… you are probably right…

10. On average, differences between men and women exist

This is pretty straightforward… you can overemphasize differences (a lot of red pill/pickup guys do) but you can also underemphasize them (media is super guilty of this).

Red pill dad has a summary of “basic red pill things.” I think the distinction in #4 is rarely clean cut… and I think #9 is mostly untrue… but the others I mostly buy.

I’m sure I’m missing things… but there is little game happening during the pandemic, so we get more speculation and fewer field reports… I have speculated that the pandemic will change the game… probably by making chicks more k selected, and less r, on average. When we have a lot of money, low disease burden, and extra resources, we can afford to f**k around a lot more. Cross-subsidies in relationships don’t matter as much. Can the woman not cook, but she’s good in bed? That’s okay, order takeout. Can the man not earn, but he’s hot and a practiced dom? That’s okay, she’ll get a job of her own. When we see incomes collapse and uncertainty rise… we’ll see more k. The opposite, more r. That’s my guess… it could be wrong… and it also only takes a few outliers for a “trend” to feel wrong, even if it is overall correct.

Women don’t think that women can make adult decisions and be held accountable for those decisions

Years ago I worked with and sometimes supervised a college-age intern. She was into me for what I assume to be the usual reasons… she initiated the flirting and while I flirted back, I stay somewhat reserved in work settings. While I stand by what I wrote in If you are not a pussy you will do better than most guys: ‘When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It and argue that men should be more aggressive and direct, it’s also unwise and unnecessary to fuck where you earn.

I slept with this one at the end of her time, and I didn’t actually fuck her until she was done with the internship, and as far as I know we enjoyed some good times. It was an easy, fun lay and she was also extremely petite and extremely tight. She was mobile and moved out of my geographic area, and when she got back I tried to re-engage, but she said a hard “no.”

We’d stayed Facebook friends since then and while Facebook is a waste of time I do use it occasionally… usually to set up hookups or arrange real-world meetings. A year or two ago I happened to see a post about a career milestone for this girl (although I think she’s going in the wrong direction, I’ve not been asked my opinion so I shut the fuck up about it). In the post she wrote about her career decisions and her relationship . . . with an older guy . . . who “took advantage” of her when she was younger. I’m omitting some details, but I realized she is definitely talking about me.

She wrote that I had taken advantage of her vulnerability and used age and wisdom to become intimate with her. She also wrote that I had betrayed her trust in me. She was the active participant in seducing me and I recall what she was like in bed (eager, happy, seemingly satisfied or faking it well).

Our relationship did end in a somewhat untidy way and she got lost in the shuffle because I was f**king a couple other girls at the time, and she left the area pretty quickly. One day during that time I was supposed to meet her for coffee and as I walked in I saw my #1 girl already sitting at the window! I hadn’t properly prepped either for non-monogamy, so I had to run and make some unfortunate and very lame excuses; part of the angry girl’s reaction is probably due to my own hectic schedule at the time, and I should rightfully have done a better job of setting expectations, boundaries, etc. I wasn’t as good at that as I am now, or I just hadn’t had time to.

The aggrieved tone of her post is ridiculous and she is claiming the mantle of victimhood as if that’s something to admire. That woman (and she is now really a woman, not a girl) doesn’t think that women are capable of making adult decisions for themselves. Like a lot of “feminists.” For her, anything women do that they later regret is something that happened due to “emotional vulnerability” or “manipulation” or some such other nonsense. Women like this one are arguing, without realizing it, that women are children and shouldn’t be culpable for their actions and choices. Regret something? It’s a man’s fault.

I actually disagree with that view, but I’ve heard enough women express it to stop me… and make me think… what if those women are right?

There are a handful of women in public who want women to be held to the same levels of accountability and rationality that men are. They don’t buy into the SJW worldview. They are just… rare. But a lot of other women think that women can’t be trusted to make their own sexual decisions. Feminists want to treat women like children. Sometimes I think, “Maybe feminists are right, given the female propensity to rewrite the past to fit present circumstances.” There is an epidemic of reframing consensual encounters as non-consensual, like that chick.

Here’s the other thing that I think plays into these problems… a lot of women from around the age of puberty up to age 22 or 24 don’t properly and truly understand the incredible sexual power they have over men. Or how powerfully and profoundly they excite men. Many men will go to almost any length for sex with them. This kind of power is enormous and it cannot be learned to be wielded correctly in a short period of time. Women experimenting with their sexual power are often surprised by how powerful it is. They are also sometimes surprised by the intensity of their own sexual response in the moment. But our society simultaneously tells women that they are oppressed and that men are bad guys. Enormous power + rhetoric about how she’s not responsible for herself = bad things.

Holly Madison Reveals The Hell That Is Playboy Mansion Life. Now, I don’t doubt that life in the Playboy Mansion was torpid and boring for the girls (how could it not be?). But Holly Madison got fame and a place on TV and rescued from her own inept life choices by nothing more than her beauty. After the fact, she’s pissed off about it and doubts her own ability to consent. She thinks she can’t be responsible for her own decisions… just like the former intern.

What women will think if men start taking them at their word? That women can’t be trusted to be consistent in their own decisions?

There are of course women who criticize the fainting-damsel mindset… the Red Scare girls do it in this podcast, where they talk about the power play at work and the displacement of desire by girls on to men. We’re in the midst of a new Salem Witch Hunt, in which hysterical girls can’t handle their own sexuality or admit to their own sexual agency. Years ago, women fought for the idea of sexual autonomy… now women fight to get rid of sexual autonomy and for the claim to be victims.

How to frame and execute nude photo shoots with women

A player, Mr. V., who knows about my nude photography art habit, asks how I do it… I’ve talked about the principles before, but now for some detail…

  • After sex, I tell her to pose, or to hold, then I grab the camera and start shooting. Sometimes I’ll tell her the light looks good or she looks good right there, that kind of thing that makes her purr. Something to make her think that it’s not random jerk-off material but artistic. Girls have been going for the “You look special just now, spread your legs” line since primitive men first took charcoal to cave walls. It worked for Picasso, it worked for Lucian Freud, it worked well enough for that weird artistic guy with long hair in undergrad art classes, it will work fine for you if you’re high value, have good game, and the girl is in your frame. Sometimes I’ll say something about her being especially attractive. After sex, women are eager to hear they’re still sexy, desirable, and good, and that the guy doesn’t dislike them during post-nut clarity. Snuggling, cuddling, and bonding during this period is important. She needs male attention to come back down to the regular world. And… they are still in a sex-positive mood and receptive to the camera’s eye.
  • From there I just kind of assume the sale and turn on the camera while we’re fucking or beforehand. Or I’ll say, “We should make a sex tape,” then do it. I almost never ask explicitly… very much try to assume the sale. Most women will go along with this in the moment, particularly if they’re already turned on.
  • Because the woman is turned on already, that may be why a lot of chicks will ask the next day for me to delete the photos… she gets caught up in the moment while aroused. The next day, in a cold state, she worries about her reputation, shame, etc. What if it gets out? I am the kind of gentleman who will tell her that I deleted them.
  • The number who refuse pics altogether is small… but out there. It’s all in the game.
  • Sometimes I start out with only her backside (no face) and then move forward. Like with a lot of things, chicks might start out uncomfortable with things but then inch into full comfort. The more invested she is, the more likely she’ll want to serve as your muse and model.
  • Having a true standalone camera produces superior results and also feels different to the woman than a guy with a phone. She feels more like a desired model. Every guy has a phone. Be different.
  • Some chicks will show the results to their friends. This seems like a demonstration of higher value (DHV).
  • If she’s a hard no, let it go. A playful disposition will often help her overcome initial shyness.
  • It is good to learn basic photography.

If she’s a hard “no” accept that. There is “yes,” “maybe” “soft (negotiable) no” and “hard no.” Negotiation is the subject of many books so I won’t write a whole thing about it now. Recognizing the hard no and the soft no is a job of the player.

When a woman sends nudes before sex it’s a bad sign, in my experience. Still not 100% sure why but I have some theories in the other post. I personally haven’t gotten a lot of this but I’ve seen a little. I also don’t request nudes from women, almost ever. I think requesting phone nudes is a demonstration of lower value (DLV) and also most women are inept photographers with inept cameras, poor light, and poor composition.

Responsibility and later seduction. Internal congruence

Another topic that gets no play in the Red Pill and seduction communities, cause most guys don’t get to this later stage, it is not good to trifle with women who are heavily investing in you. This damages the woman and while it is psychologically appealing to the guy (it’s nice to have the attention and desire you can return… or not), but it creates bad feelings and outcomes. Power over women who invest happens after the guy gets game and deploys it effectively, meaning that most guys never get it and this post is not for them, so this subject confuses them, like stories about a culture they’ve never visited and can’t believe exists.

I know the logical counter to this point (about the wisdom of refusing or discouraging investment that won’t be reciprocated)… “But chicks do this all the time!” True, true. But mature chicks don’t encourage male investment and male suitors who don’t interest them. Immature chicks… greedy chicks… they will, and that’s why so many younger guys have problems with the “friend zone” and perceived female uncertainty. Younger guys don’t follow the algorithm and don’t effectively sort girls into ones who might f**k and ones who won’t. I didn’t either when I was young & stupid, not to worry. I was afraid of “no,” when “no” is a gift, a gift of my time & attention so that I can direct them consciously into better things.

Mature guys… also don’t spend a lot of time and investment in women who are unlikely to be lovers. If a woman isn’t interested… the guy withdraws and finds a woman who is. Many chicks, if attention and gifts are foisted on them by inept men, will accept those… but if you are foisting gifts on a woman who hasn’t earned them, then you kinda deserve what you get. Immature guys believe gifts and attention should be rewarded with sex… when it’s actually closer to the other way around. No one in our female-dominated culture discusses to this.

This gets me to my point… when a woman’s emotions and sex habits are connecting and converging into you… it is not good to trifle with her, lead her on, and jerk her around. You will damage her, and inflict needless cruelty, and for what? If you have decent game, the sex part may be challenging, but it shouldn’t be infinitely so.

Some dysfunctional women prematurely invest when they shouldn’t, or they can’t help themselves because the man is unusual and matches their interest, or is much higher SMV than they are. If she does that… it is not your fault. But you should let go, want to let go, chicks who are deeply converting but who you don’t fancy in that way. At least tell them that you’re not going to be their boyfriend but can be their lover. Set expectations.

This is emerging from my own experiences and from conversation with a player who is interested in non-monogamy and who has found a woman who has also been searching for this her entire life, searching for a way to reconcile mind and body, emotions and physicality. Like libido girl and a number of others I’ve met, she craves the novelty of new sex… but wants a relationship too. Most guys, if they advance from casual sex into something more structured with a woman, won’t want a woman like this (they really want a woman who will be monogamous to them). There are a lot of pretend non-monogamous guys, and even more strictly monogamous guys (when you get down to it). Women who are sexually adventurous but with hearts and the desire to pair-bond… it’s actually not easy for them. Even with monogamous women, their real, true, and full investment is intense. For the bulk of guys who have never experienced the intensity of female emotional and sexual investment…. this issue will be invisible. Like “how to end it” with a woman. It’s advanced stuff. Beginners mistake compassion for weakness. Don’t worry, I did too, once.

I’m against being mean to people. Yes, women will sometimes be mean to you, they will try to take value from you without giving it in return. Yes, it is sometimes appropriate to be mean to people, or direct in a way that is seen as mean. But what is perceived as mean or cruel is often just a balancing of the scales of value.

Notice what I am NOT doing. I am not arguing against casual sex (it would be funny if I did, given my history). I am not arguing against deepening relationships with women. I am not arguing that women are innocent damsels (they are not, and the innocent damsel trope is a lie men tell themselves in order to be p***y… in the real world, almost no one is “innocent”). “Beyond casual sex” is more fun than just f**king strangers in my view. But… I am arguing that it’s bad for you and for the woman to let a woman deeply invest in your and convert to you, if you don’t set expectations, or if you plan to just let her dangle. Cut her loose and let her invest in someone else. The world is already harsh and full of bitterness…. no need to make it harsher and more bitter. It’s bad for the man’s subconscious. Keeping your subconscious aligned with your accessible consciousness is a part of frame, a part of being congruent that, again, no one talks about. Low status guys, f**ked up guys, are incongruent, and their low value and incongruence messes with their inner game. Higher-status, higher-class guys maintain congruence and have a keen sense of loose equality in terms of value given and value taken. This is getting a bit on the “hippie” side of things, about consciousness development, but I think that’s where the the higher levels of game live. Levels a lot of guys never hit, cause they can’t get past the lower levels.

Most women, by the way, never access higher levels of consciousness. If they do, they are already post-wall, and it is too late for them to access those levels via sexuality. Most younger women rely on men to get them there, and most men disappoint. That’s part of the reason we see the discord we see.

Seek for the higher levels. Discourage investment where it’s not warranted. If you see signs of her emotional investment, decide consciously if you want to respond in kind or keep her at a distance. The beginning parts of the game are important but so is the middle and end, where few guys live and where almost no guys writing online discuss.

The more time you spend around women, the more you realize most of them are basically irresponsible and want someone else to make decisions for them. This is why we have the crazy Title IX man-hunting tribunal in the United States and why so many women distance themselves from their sexual choices. This is also why so few women make it to the top of corporate and other hierarchies, because an individual has to be intensely responsible for his choices if he’s going to be a leader, not just a follower—something that most women can’t do. Men who have a lot of experience with women also learn that most women like to follow and so men are reluctant to put women in leadership roles, for good reason. Almost no feminists will admit this, leading to the absurd statements about women in companies that shrieking harpies propagate in the media.

I actually have no problem with women running companies or whatever, but I don’t think you’ll ever see as many women in leadership roles because it’s contrary to baseline female psychology. If a woman wants to be responsible for a large company and has the personality and intellect to do so, then that’s dandy. It’s just unlikely. Most women want men to take responsibility for them… and when she lets a guy into her soul, and then he chucks her aside, she’s wounded. Try not to let her do that. A guy who starts off low status might want to be mean, as revenge… but he’s really taking revenge on himself, for putting up with behavior he shouldn’t have. No reason to do that. The world is hard enough.

Is it you talking, or your ego talking? Drop dead leads fast

A week ago I sent a catch-up email to this young chick who I knew from a while ago… I was replying to an email of hers from a couple years back. We’d flirted a little then, but I didn’t think she was interested, and that was fine (we had a bit of social connection), and her email from back then was charming. I read it by accident while I was looking for something else, and it made me think of her and send the catch-up message. The reply I got her this week was not charming.

She said, How dare you email me? Then some other nasty stuff. I was thinking, WTF? I was confused, too. Where was this coming from? I’m not sure, but it also doesn’t f**king matter, since it’s the kind of deliberate message that says, “Don’t bother.” In general, it’s not a bad idea to occasionally ping old leads, check in to see if some chick’s situation has changed, etc. It’s better to cultivate new leads, but it’s not always a bad idea to see who might be on deck… I’m not actively pursuing new leads right now but am happy to add potentials to the back of the list, in case I need it) .

I saw a Twitter thread a couple weeks ago (can’t remember who wrote it, sorry) with a very deliberate, straightforward message from a chick saying something like, “I don’t like you and I don’t want to talk to you again.” That is not a game-playing message, it’s not a coy message… it’s a “F**k off” message. When you get one of those (I’ve gotten my share), it’s over. Block her and move on. However alive you thought that lead might have been, it’s dead and gone now. These kinds of very deliberate, very cold messages are “game over.” Direct your attention more productively. Don’t send the message that says all the things you don’t like about her. It’s too late for that. There’s no sure-fire way to distinguish every one of these messages, but they are usually sent via text (in today’s world), and they are very cold and deliberate and not flirty at all. The chick will probably capitalize words correctly and use periods, even if she doesn’t do that normally.

It’s super tempting to have some equally mean or nasty reply, or to say something mean or nasty… but it’s not worthwhile. All day, annoyingly, as I kept doing other things, like work, or reading Nicolas Cage on Acting, Philosophy and Searching for the Holy Grail: “I wanted to have the mystery of the old stars, always preserved in an enigmatic aura”, I kept thinking about good retorts to this chick’s stupid, mean email. I had the best replies in my head! I’d show her! I’d make HER feel bad. I’d show her that I’m cooler than she is!

Doesn’t f**king matter, though. What good can possibly happen with that message? None, none at all. It will AT BEST waste more of my time and mental energy, to what end? To make me feel better? For a moment? At worst, it ignites a pointless feud, makes her denounce me online, etc.

I know, in my thinking head, that there is zero to gain by replying. Yet I want to. I want to badly. That’s the ego talking. Mentally I know it’s better to concentrate on my goals, even though I also want to say YOU SUCK back.

Instead of sending her a message, I waited, and then I wrote out my thoughts about why it is a stupid idea to send her the message, and you are now reading it.

Players are familiar with the need to persist through common obstacles, like “I have a boyfriend.” Typical answers are “That’s okay” or “I don’t care.” Or chicks who are flakey around scheduling, sometimes to the point where logistical fatigue prevents a meetup. Persistence through shit tests. There is a time for persistence and a time for disconnection, and when she gets cold and direct, that’s typically time for disconnection. Particularly when it also includes something she doesn’t like about you, something serious and not teasing. “I think you have a silly nose:” teasing. “I don’t like you and don’t want to speak with you again.” Probably not teasing (depends a little on context).

Part of growing up is learning not to do the stupid thing that feels good. The day I got the email I was thinking about all these clever replies… and the day after, it was mostly washed from my head. Not totally, or I’d not be writing here, but mostly. Waiting 24 – 48 hours before replying to emotionally charged messages is often smart.

There is a LOT of material online about how to open chicks, how to do the initial texting, etc. There is almost none about ending it with chicks, or chicks directly ending it with you. I think that’s because online is the world of beginners… we should have more about endings.

The Coast of Utopia: A lot of women would rather focus on their children

The Coast of Utopia: From the looks of Instagram, Courtney Adamo and the surfing mamas of Byron Bay are living the dream” is like pornography for feminists (semi-forbidden but also deeply attractive), because the story appeals to the bulk of women who realize, after a couple years in the real world, that they’d rather spend time with their children than grind it out in the corporate world, competing against men in a male universe. Women buy into this narrative of corporate / financial achievement… then find that it is contrary to their nature and deeper desires… then are afraid to speak up about this because they get shamed by other women. Then porn-for-women stories like this appear and make the yearning all the more powerful.

A lot of women don’t seem to realize this until they’re approaching age 30… when it’s not too late to change, but it’s perceived as being much harder to change. When you wrap your identity in the corporate-grind thing, it can be difficult to unwrap that identity and wrap it up in something else, like the family a woman really wants in her soul and at the base of her being.

Women also realize this right at the point when younger women are crowding up from behind them… right at the point when guys their age and a little older who are family-oriented have already picked their preferred woman.

Instagram is the god-from-the-sky for the women in this particular story, as Instagram provides income, validation, attention, and it’s easy, all at once. Real world… it’s very rare to get them all together. A lot of women who lives rich fantasy lives think they can try to be rich on Instagram… one in ten thousand succeeds, maybe less. It’s right up there with trying to make it in Hollywood. Like the male equivalent of looking for a guy who is into hotwifing and who also has an attractive girlfriend who is into the guy… is it possible? Yeah. Should a guy really be concentrating on the game, not this bullshit? Also yeah. So this story has some bullshit in it, but it also reflects the very real female desire to have a real family while not having to grind out the two-income trap many women wander right into, by being told that they should grind through the corporate world. A small number of women do really like grinding the corporate world, do make real money at doing it, have a family and a nanny and a fabulous pedicure and whatever else it is chicks like… I have met women like this… they are just in the minority. The deep minority of women. Much more common is women who don’t realize till they’re at or over age 30 that they’ve bought into the bullshit, and it’s very hard to get back out of it. The deep satisfaction of family is infinitely greater than beating out Bob to become assistant regional manager and, one day, God willing, regional manager.

Some women also make the mistake of pretending that they want to focus on their families… but really they want to focus on having a super rich hot successful husband, and also outcompeting other women materially (cars, houses, etc.), and also being the most fabulous woman with the most fabulous job. Very very hard to do them all, and most women who try fail, then they write shit like so and so. Most of them have to decide their core values and stick to those (again, real world… there are a few exceptions out there). Many parameters cannot all be maximized simultaneously. The same is true of guys in the game. It is hard to simultaneously be super fit, get a good education, play in a great band or be a DJ, compete in MMA, have a job, etc. Most guys are going to have to pick one or two things and focus on those. For a guy looking for a long-term thing, it’s also unlikely to be able to maximize super hot, super loyal, super family oriented, super fun, good income, mentally stable, maintains blindness towards your side piece, etc. Most guys have to choose among those traits because they are not usually all found in one woman… and if they are, she is going to have lots and lots of choices herself.

The world runs on delusion… delusion can help improve your game… but if your game is not going well, and you can’t generate your own powerful delusion field (like Steve Jobs’ Reality Distortion Field), then you have to face reality instead. Sorry bro.

Back to the article, most of the women I know in the real world did marry eventually. The ones who didn’t… or who married, didn’t have kids, then divorced… they’re the ones who are worst off. For women, declining sexual market value (SMV) after age 35 is usually brutal without kids and a partner. There are exceptions who do all right with it, or who keep finding new guys… but the average outcome doesn’t look very good. And most people are just too lazy and undisciplined to quit sugar and hit the gym, and that shows in their bodies and their outcomes. Ice cream (a weakness of mine, admittedly) is here and now.

Man-hating feminist spinsters are much scarcer in real life than they are online, or in the conventional media, so a lot of angry guys online are responding to ideas that are bad, but that are also not very common in the real world, where most women like men and most men like women. Someone who really truly hates the opposite sex is sending their genes and culture on a one-way ride off a canyon. Within a hundred years I expect militant feminism to have solved itself. Too late for me.

“The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before”

The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before” is more Red Pill advice, but from a woman… this one dumped her fiancé cause “He wanted to have kids right away, move to New Jersey, and just be basic and suburban together. He was a great guy but I would have died in that environment. I’m having so much fun now (more or less).” For chicks and relationships, “Boredom = death,” a fact many guys fail to realize, and chicks just want to have “fun.” Guys whose ideas of fun include security and basic provisioning are not attractive to the vast majority of chicks.

Simultaneously, this chick knows another woman, “She’s 40-something and still looking for ‘Mr. Right.’ I don’t see anything wrong with being single and 40 but I cannot imagine searching for the ‘right’ guy for 15 more fucking years. Life is too short for that!” Yet this chick is probably heading in that direction. Or who knows, she’s going to end up being “poly.” Whatever it is, there is an element of “as you sow, so you shall reap.”

“I think how I really love when a man is strong and aggressive in his kissing. I’m not sure I need/want gentle and loving. I kind of want to be fucked and devoured.” Very much what you’ve been reading about sex techniques in this blog, Red Coco’s blog, etc., about how women like rough and dominant sex and if you’re not doing that you’re probably turning her off.

A lot of chicks, when you really really listen to them, are Red Pill. They just don’t frame it the way Red Pill guys do. What chicks want and what guys really want to do fit together. The problem is that modern feminism and schools (feminist indoctrination camps) try to disable what people instinctually want… then people get in f**ked-up relationships that never really work.

It took me an incredibly long time to recognize the need for rough sex skills. That may be why an appreciable number of chicks prefer older guys, who have learned the ropes.

“The Key Logger” by Nicholas Jack

A reader sent me a copy of Nicholas Jack‘s book The Key Logger, a set of stories about the author’s spying and privacy violations. It’s akin to The Voyeur’s Motel, which is also relevant to human nature and especially the nature of women… topics much of society works hard to obscure. I myself don’t think I really “got it” until quite far into my life, and if not for some unexpected swerves I might still be in the dark.

This story from The Key Logger is about what a man sees when he leaves a computer with a keylogger installed on it open and available to women he dates. The results show many of them acting duplicitously, courting multiple men simultaneously, etc. To me, this book should remind guys that, when we are in doubt, we should go for it, as we never know when a woman’s situation will change or what she is really doing, as what she does is often very different from what she says she does. I am fond of keeping a list of “maybe” chicks who flame out or whatever and hitting them up every six to nine months. Often, their situation has changed or they are dissatisfied with their boyfriend, etc. I should say that I used to be fond of this practice but have been becoming less excited about it over time. “Snapchat in game” is a part of this kind of thinking/practice.

The bad news: the book is poorly edited and many sections are less developed than they should be. That is the nature of self-published books and for $8.99 on Kindle this one should be better or cheaper. My Secret Garden is probably a more immediately relevant book but this one reinforces what you will read in that one. But you will find much that is useful. The writer also notices things I have noticed:

We did another city tour on her scooter. It made me really understand why people love motorcycles. You are so shielded from the world when you are in a car, but on a motorcycle it feels like you are really there.

Most people excessively shield themselves from the world and live shittier lives as a result. I don’t know if motorcycles cause people to do less of that, or if people who do less of that choose to ride. I get the same feeling on a bike. Girls who don’t like cars are on average better than those who do. I have argued that men should “Ride an electric motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating.” Used Zero Electric Motorcycles are widely available now. Electric Vespas are also now shipping and they are sexy as hell. Americans are too fat and too wrapped up in our big fat cars, then we wonder why we are disconnected from each other and miserable.

When a girl has a lot of options it’s very easy for her to use them if things get a little rough.

That’s simply true.

He also perceives that some women need a lot of attention from men, but that is partially an artifact of the women he’s dating. The women who don’t need constant attention aren’t dating around nearly as much. I do think women (and men) are very good at compartmentalizing when the need arises; women who are really good are probably not caught, or rarely caught.

This author, Nicholas Jack, is casually dating women who are casually dating him. Casually dating people often date multiple people. He seems to travel a lot for work, and that is detrimental to relationships. Men want sex and women want sex. If we can’t get it from one person, we seek it from another. He is discovering that women are human and also like sex. It is strange to me that our society works so hard and effectively to hide this fact.

He also runs into a girl who is cuckolding another guy; my guess is that their arrangement is consensual and she’s not actually trying to get pregnant, and they’re doing some kind of role play scenario. No guarantee that’s true.

This guy also likes normal clubs way more than I do.

The Key Logger could be seen as a long explanation for why I like consensual non-monogamy, as opposed to the de facto non-monogamy many people do. The girls this guy dates are already non-monogamous, so why not turn them into wingmen (wing women?) and go all the way? In my own life, I’ve been caring less about the game but it doesn’t seem to have affected results, at least so far.

There seem to be a lot of books that are okay but not where they should be, and some more effort would improve them. Quantity over quality sells? I was worried that I put too much effort into the sex clubs and players book, but it seems not.

Unfortunately, this book is far too short and poorly executed to highly recommend to most guys, but if you are looking for entertainment you can do worse. In addition, I wonder what would happen if a guy installed a key logger today and left a computer open in a prominent place. Would his results be similar to Nicholas Jack’s? I admire guys who gather data and run experiments, so I will encourage you do this and report back on the outcomes. I also encourage guys to write blogs because blogs are visible to search engines as well as places for a man to develop his own psychology. Twitter is ephemeral and a blog is more easily accessible to a wide array of guys.

Garbage post about ranking chicks

Guys love numerical rankings and arguing over differences in rank, and we apply our natural inclination towards women: thus the well-known “Hot Babe” (HB) scale, although fortunately most guys aren’t so anti-social that they say “HB.” She just a “7” or maybe “low 7” or “high 7.”

These numbers don’t really matter because any given chick is pretty much a binary, a 0 or 1… do you enjoy f**king her or not? Do you really look forward to doing her some more? Is she fun and exciting to you? Then that’s all you need and what other guys say/think is irrelevant.

But, like I said, guys love ranking, so here goes: chicks below a 5 aren’t even noticeable, typically because they’re grossly fat or just old or have something else seriously messed up about them. A 5 is usually fat, old, or both, but has something redeeming that makes her of faint sexual interest. You’d probably want to deny f**king a 5 to your buddies, but she’s not impossible. Trying to distinguish between a 3 versus a 4 is pretty pointless… who really cares?

A 6 is okay. There’s typically something off about her, but you’ve probably done worse (I’ve done worse). If you’re in a drought or you’re sexually inexperienced, 6s might be great for you. Today, I have been turning down marginal notches, but as a younger guy I picked up quite a few marginal notches and that was the right/smart thing to do, simply to build up my experience with women and sexual skills. Although there’s something off, there’s also something distinctly alluring about a 6, so you should find that thing and focus on it, especially if you’re inexperienced. I have had really good sexual chemistry with some 6s, so that I don’t care about whether they’re a 6 or a 7.

While there are obviously exceptions, inexperienced guys often build up to high 7s, 8s, or 9s. How do you build experience as a guy? You sleep with more chicks. The more chicks you sleep with, the more you realize chicks are just humans too and the better you understand female psychology (as well as sexuality/sex skills, which many guys are deficient in… a lot of chicks have never or rarely been f**ked to satiation, and when they are f**ked to satiation, it blows their minds and bodies). Chicks can also sense the desperation that comes off guys who don’t get laid. If there are no chicks good enough for you, then you are either in an all-boys school, on a Navy warship, in prison, or in some other kind of military situation. For guys in normal social situations, there are going to be some chicks around who are or should be “good enough” for you. If none are “good enough,” lower your supposed standards.

7s are average cute girls. You’re happy to nail them. There are a huge number of 7s around. There’s something distinctly attractive about a 7, and that something can be variable. Often it’s just youth and/or being height-weight proportionate. The variety of 7s make them hard to generalize about. They can be thin, they can be curvy (truly curvy… not fat). They can be tall or short. They can have great faces and okay bodies or great bodies and okay faces.

8s are like 7s but with good proportions… nothing is out of place. Her face is usually nice, or, if it’s not very good, it’s at least distinctive in a good way. Very few 8s persist past age 30. 8s are also uncommon… maybe they are more common in Eastern Europe… I just don’t have access to many 8s, and I’m pretty suspicious of online guys who say they’re routinely getting with 8s. That’s not impossible, especially for a good-looking, social guy in college or right after… just not real likely. Most guys like to inflate the value of a given chick, particularly if other guys online will never see her. 8s are not readily available to me. I can get there, but not every day.

9s are like 8s but with ideal, hourglass proportions, youth, and a pretty, symmetrical face. Very few 9s persist past age 26 or 27. 9s are rare. If a guy claims to be regularly dating a bevy of 9s, he has an inflated sense of value or is himself very rare, like a high-level entertainer, etc. I meet very few 9s. Once you get into the high-8, low-9 territory, distinctions also stop mattering very much… she is really f**king hot. Debating whether she’s a “high 8” or 9… pointless. Every straight man wants her.

10s… can’t change a thing. Not sure they really exist. I’ve heard guys say, “a 10 is just an 8 or 9 you haven’t f**ked.” Makes sense to me.

Most of the chicks I’ve been with have been 7s. Cute chicks I’m happy to be with but not all that special in pure looks terms.

In my view, you can’t properly rank/rate a chick till you’ve seen her nude. I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of chicks nude, live in person (have not f**ked the vast majority of them, but I have seen them via sex clubs). Clothed chicks can go either way… sometimes up a point or two because they’re wearing baggy/unflattering clothes, or are just tight all round, or sometimes the opposite way, because they’re wearing flattering clothes, push-up bras, etc. I’ve initially thought a chick is a basic 7 only to find a high 8 underneath those clothes… and I love that feeling. Opposite happens too, though, as it did with Low-cut top girl recently.

How a chick looks is also correlated to, but not perfectly linear with, sexual chemistry. I’ve found high 6s and low 7s with whom I have better sexual chemistry than 8s. Obviously it’s very satisfying to f**k a really hot chick. Some guys also say really hot chicks are worse in bed… I may have once believed that, but, as I became more sexually dominant with practice, I stopped believed it, since now I tell a girl where to go and what to do. If she’s on her knees or bent over a couch, with a handful of her hair in my fist, she will likely perform just fine. Some girls do require a bit of training, and in my experience the first/second times having sex are almost never the BEST times. Usually it takes 3 – 10 times to really  get in sync.

Better yet, if a girl is “bad” in bed, I don’t tell her what to do, I pick her up and put her where I want her. Or I tie her up, put cuffs on her, blindfold her, and play with her until she’s in a deep sexual state. It’s been a while since I’ve had truly bad sex. To me, bad sex used to happen when I was uncertain and the girl was uncertain, inexperienced, etc. Just being dominant and directive is not enough to ensure GREAT sex, but it can bring almost any acceptably hot and willing girl up to “pretty good.”

I think chicks know / can sense this. Chicks like it when they can tell the guy just sort of expects to get laid, but, at the same time, he’s not real bothered if he doesn’t. He’ll get the chick next time, or, if she wanders off, he’ll get someone else. That’s the right attitude to have. Not demanding, but lightly worn expectation. I can’t precisely describe how to cultivate this aura. Many guys, I think, are kind of waiting for the chick to take the lead… which she will never do… and the chick herself is often nervous and doesn’t know what to do, and less experienced guys will interpret this as “bad” sex. To me, bad sex happens when I discover the girl is less hot than I thought she was, or smells less good than I want, and I’ve lost some of my interest in her.

“Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people”

Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people.” This is exactly what I was attempting to articulate when I wrote that guys should not believe everything we’re told:

Everyone has a narrative. Most people’s narratives leave some shit out. Whenever someone tells you some story, think about the dark matter of that story. This goes doubly for anything relating to abuse or “abuse,” which are both trendy these days.

For some reason, at least half a dozen women have told me on first dates or near first dates about abuse or “abuse,” and with every one of them I did the same thing: no more dates, no more escalation. Don’t need that shit. If she’s sharing it inappropriately early, run.

When a guy is young, desperate, and undersexed, it is very tempting to ignore the damage and chase the chick anyway, even if the guy knows better, but this is typically a mistake. A damaged girl is like an old World-War-II-era munition dug up in Europe: she may look very cool, interesting, and different, but you never know when she’s going to blow up, taking your hand or life with her. Girl who are excessively ideologically feminist are typically damaged and should be avoided. These days lots of cute, urban, college-educated chicks will squawk a little about feminist talking points but be otherwise normal girls and that’s fine and can be safely ignored. But if she is too damaged, psychologically by her family or in some other way, she must be avoided.

I made an error with the lover mentioned in “I take it back: I think I have to cut her loose.” I didn’t realize how damaged she was when I first got together with her. I thought she is cool and mysterious. Turns out that is not the case, and the more I learned the more apparent that became, though there is no single moment that stands out as a “I should cut this off” moment. I was willing to tolerate more damage than I should have because she is pretty and easy.

To my credit, I did eventually walk. To my debit, it took me longer than it should have. I also have good other options and the ability to find new girls. Would I have such fortitude if she were my only reliable source of sex and intimate female companionship? I want to write, “Yes, of course, I am that strong.” Am I really? Maybe not. That is one reason guys need to learn game: it enables them to jettison damaged women, when they may be tempted to hang onto them otherwise.