“The Key Logger” by Nicholas Jack

A reader sent me a copy of Nicholas Jack‘s book The Key Logger, a set of stories about the author’s spying and privacy violations. It’s akin to The Voyeur’s Motel, which is also relevant to human nature and especially the nature of women… topics much of society works hard to obscure. I myself don’t think I really “got it” until quite far into my life, and if not for some unexpected swerves I might still be in the dark.

This story from The Key Logger is about what a man sees when he leaves a computer with a keylogger installed on it open and available to women he dates. The results show many of them acting duplicitously, courting multiple men simultaneously, etc. To me, this book should remind guys that, when we are in doubt, we should go for it, as we never know when a woman’s situation will change or what she is really doing, as what she does is often very different from what she says she does. I am fond of keeping a list of “maybe” chicks who flame out or whatever and hitting them up every six to nine months. Often, their situation has changed or they are dissatisfied with their boyfriend, etc. I should say that I used to be fond of this practice but have been becoming less excited about it over time. “Snapchat in game” is a part of this kind of thinking/practice.

The bad news: the book is poorly edited and many sections are less developed than they should be. That is the nature of self-published books and for $8.99 on Kindle this one should be better or cheaper. My Secret Garden is probably a more immediately relevant book but this one reinforces what you will read in that one. But you will find much that is useful. The writer also notices things I have noticed:

We did another city tour on her scooter. It made me really understand why people love motorcycles. You are so shielded from the world when you are in a car, but on a motorcycle it feels like you are really there.

Most people excessively shield themselves from the world and live shittier lives as a result. I don’t know if motorcycles cause people to do less of that, or if people who do less of that choose to ride. I get the same feeling on a bike. Girls who don’t like cars are on average better than those who do. I have argued that men should “Ride an electric motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating.” Used Zero Electric Motorcycles are widely available now. Electric Vespas are also now shipping and they are sexy as hell. Americans are too fat and too wrapped up in our big fat cars, then we wonder why we are disconnected from each other and miserable.

When a girl has a lot of options it’s very easy for her to use them if things get a little rough.

That’s simply true.

He also perceives that some women need a lot of attention from men, but that is partially an artifact of the women he’s dating. The women who don’t need constant attention aren’t dating around nearly as much. I do think women (and men) are very good at compartmentalizing when the need arises; women who are really good are probably not caught, or rarely caught.

This author, Nicholas Jack, is casually dating women who are casually dating him. Casually dating people often date multiple people. He seems to travel a lot for work, and that is detrimental to relationships. Men want sex and women want sex. If we can’t get it from one person, we seek it from another. He is discovering that women are human and also like sex. It is strange to me that our society works so hard and effectively to hide this fact.

He also runs into a girl who is cuckolding another guy; my guess is that their arrangement is consensual and she’s not actually trying to get pregnant, and they’re doing some kind of role play scenario. No guarantee that’s true.

This guy also likes normal clubs way more than I do.

The Key Logger could be seen as a long explanation for why I like consensual non-monogamy, as opposed to the de facto non-monogamy many people do. The girls this guy dates are already non-monogamous, so why not turn them into wingmen (wing women?) and go all the way? In my own life, I’ve been caring less about the game but it doesn’t seem to have affected results, at least so far.

There seem to be a lot of books that are okay but not where they should be, and some more effort would improve them. Quantity over quality sells? I was worried that I put too much effort into the sex clubs and players book, but it seems not.

Unfortunately, this book is far too short and poorly executed to highly recommend to most guys, but if you are looking for entertainment you can do worse. In addition, I wonder what would happen if a guy installed a key logger today and left a computer open in a prominent place. Would his results be similar to Nicholas Jack’s? I admire guys who gather data and run experiments, so I will encourage you do this and report back on the outcomes. I also encourage guys to write blogs because blogs are visible to search engines as well as places for a man to develop his own psychology. Twitter is ephemeral and a blog is more easily accessible to a wide array of guys.

Garbage post about ranking chicks

Guys love numerical rankings and arguing over differences in rank, and we apply our natural inclination towards women: thus the well-known “Hot Babe” (HB) scale, although fortunately most guys aren’t so anti-social that they say “HB.” She just a “7” or maybe “low 7” or “high 7.”

To my mind, chicks below a 5 aren’t even noticeable, typically because they’re grossly fat or just old or have something else seriously messed up about them. A 5 is usually fat, old, or both, but has something redeeming that makes her of faint sexual interest. You’d probably want to deny f**king a 5 to your buddies, but she’s not impossible. A 6 is okay. There’s typically something off about her, but you’ve probably done worse (I’ve done worse). If you’re in a drought or you’re sexually inexperienced, 6s might be great for you. Today, I have been turning down marginal notches, but as a younger guy I picked up quite a few marginal notches and that was the right/smart thing to do, simply to build up my experience with women and sexual skills. There is probably something alluring about a 6, so you should find that thing and focus on it, especially if you’re inexperienced.

While there are obviously exceptions, inexperienced guys often build up to high 7s, 8s, or 9s. How do you build experience as a guy? You sleep with more chicks. The more chicks you sleep with, the more you realize chicks are just humans too and the better you understand female psychology (as well as sexuality/sex skills, which many guys are deficient in). Chicks can also sense the desperation that comes off guys who don’t get laid. If there are no chicks good enough for you, then you are either in an all-boys school, on a Navy warship, in prison, or in some other kind of military situation. For guys in normal social situations, there are going to be some chicks around who are or should be “good enough” for you. If none are “good enough,” lower your supposed standards.

7s are average cute girls. You’re happy to nail them. There are a huge number of 7s around. There’s something distinctly attractive about a 7, and that something can be variable. Often it’s just youth and/or being height-weight proportionate. The variety of 7s make them hard to generalize about.

8s are like 7s but with good proportions. Nothing is out of place. Her face is nice. Very few 8s persist past age 30. 8s are also uncommon… maybe they are more common in Eastern Europe… I just don’t have access to many 8s, and I’m pretty suspicious of online guys who say they’re routinely getting with 8s. That’s not impossible, especially for a good-looking, social guy in college… just not real likely. Most guys like to inflate the value of a given chick, particularly if other guys online will never see her.

9s are like 8s but with ideal, hourglass proportions, youth, and a pretty, symmetrical face. Very few 9s persist past age 26 or 27. 9s are rare. If a guy claims to be regularly dating a bevy of 9s, he has an inflated sense of value or is himself very rare, like a high-level entertainer, etc. I meet very few 9s.

10s… can’t change a thing. Not sure they really exist. I’ve heard guys say, “a 10 is just an 8 or 9 you haven’t f**ked.” Makes sense to me.

Most of the chicks I’ve been with have been 7s. Cute chicks I’m happy to be with but not all that special in pure looks terms.

In my view, you can’t properly rank/rate a chick till you’ve seen her nude. I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of chicks nude, live in person (have not f**ked the vast majority of them, but I have seen them via sex clubs). Clothed chicks can go either way… sometimes up a point or two because they’re wearing baggy/unflattering clothes, or are just tight all round, or sometimes the opposite way, because they’re wearing flattering clothes, push-up bras, etc. I’ve initially thought a chick is a basic 7 only to find a high 8 underneath those clothes and I love that feeling. Opposite happens too, though, as it did with Low-cut top girl recently.

How a chick looks is also correlated with but not perfectly linear with sexual chemistry. I’ve found high 6s and low 7s with whom I have better sexual chemistry than 8s. Obviously it’s very satisfying to f**k a really hot chick. Some guys also say really hot chicks are worse in bed… I may have once believed that, but as I became more sexually dominant with practice, I stopped believed it, as now I tell a girl where to go and what to do. If she’s on her knees or bent over a couch, with a handful of her hair in my fist, she will likely perform just fine.

Better yet, I don’t tell her what to do, I pick her up and put her where I want her. Or I tie her up, put cuffs on her, blindfold her, and play with her until she’s in a deep sexual state. It’s been a while since I’ve had truly bad sex. To me, bad sex used to happen when I was uncertain and the girl was uncertain, inexperienced, etc. Just being dominant and directive is not enough to ensure GREAT sex, but it can bring almost any acceptable girl up to “pretty good.” I think chicks know / can sense this. Chicks like it when they can tell the guy just sort of expects to get laid, but, at the same time, he’s not real bothered if he doesn’t. He’ll get the chick next time, or, if she wanders off, he’ll get someone else. That’s the right attitude to have. Not demanding, but lightly worn expectation. I can’t precisely describe how to cultivate this aura.

“Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people”

Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people.” This is exactly what I was attempting to articulate when I wrote that guys should not believe everything we’re told:

Everyone has a narrative. Most people’s narratives leave some shit out. Whenever someone tells you some story, think about the dark matter of that story. This goes doubly for anything relating to abuse or “abuse,” which are both trendy these days.

For some reason, at least half a dozen women have told me on first dates or near first dates about abuse or “abuse,” and with every one of them I did the same thing: no more dates, no more escalation. Don’t need that shit. If she’s sharing it inappropriately early, run.

When a guy is young, desperate, and undersexed, it is very tempting to ignore the damage and chase the chick anyway, even if the guy knows better, but this is typically a mistake. A damaged girl is like an old World-War-II-era munition dug up in Europe: she may look very cool, interesting, and different, but you never know when she’s going to blow up, taking your hand or life with her. Girl who are excessively ideologically feminist are typically damaged and should be avoided. These days lots of cute, urban, college-educated chicks will squawk a little about feminist talking points but be otherwise normal girls and that’s fine and can be safely ignored. But if she is too damaged, psychologically by her family or in some other way, she must be avoided.

I made an error with the lover mentioned in “I take it back: I think I have to cut her loose.” I didn’t realize how damaged she was when I first got together with her. I thought she is cool and mysterious. Turns out that is not the case, and the more I learned the more apparent that became, though there is no single moment that stands out as a “I should cut this off” moment. I was willing to tolerate more damage than I should have because she is pretty and easy.

To my credit, I did eventually walk. To my debit, it took me longer than it should have. I also have good other options and the ability to find new girls. Would I have such fortitude if she were my only reliable source of sex and intimate female companionship? I want to write, “Yes, of course, I am that strong.” Am I really? Maybe not. That is one reason guys need to learn game: it enables them to jettison damaged women, when they may be tempted to hang onto them otherwise.

The 80/20 principle and why “there are no good men out there”

On Reddit, a guy wrote a post, “The Pareto Principle, women’s tendency to complain that there are ‘no good men out there,’ and it’s application to YOUR confidence levels.” It’s pretty good, unlike many posts, and men should know that 20% of the guys likely slam 80% of the women. For most guys, it’s possible (albeit through work) to hit that top 20%. The guy who has more options also gets more options through the winners effect (winning a little begets more winning).

In addition, most women want to look up to a guy—to find a guy they perceive to have higher perceived SMV than their own. That’s why putting a chick on a pedestal is so defeating and gross. But, for the mentally stable 8+ chicks, there are very few guys who she perceives as higher value than herself. So yeah, she may have 99 options, but she’s pining for the one guy that four other chicks pine for as well. That guy probably has enough options that he’s a little whatever about her, which makes her like him even more, leading to a feedback loop.

Women do perceive themselves as having very few options because they want to date and marry “up.” As a woman nears the top of the beauty and mental sanity pool, that becomes very hard. And the average man is attracted to the average woman, while the average woman is not attracted to the average man (Mate by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller discusses this, and so does a hidden RP book called Dataclysm). By default, except for the very top guys, most women are not going to be attracted to a given guy. That is why guys must get used to rejection, early in the process (later in the process, it’s more common for a guy to reject the chick).

This 80/20 rule is why every guy doing online dating needs to learn basic photography. If he does that, he sets himself far apart. I’ve looked through chicks’s online dating matches with them. Chicks are right that probably 90% of their matches are hideous. Hot chicks have it worse. If you have not tried this, I recommend you do with your next plate or FWB or lover. Most chicks have online dating profiles, though they don’t want to admit it.

Guys further don’t understand that for women, perception is reality. For guys, reality is reality. Guys are more like engineers and chicks and more like marketers. To a woman, the desirability of a man is probably based less on his underlying traits than on how much other chicks like him.

To some women, I’ve been in the top one percent of guys; to others, I’ve been, if not in the bottom ten percent, then sexually invisible or repulsive. In a man’s life, he has the opportunity to play many roles. If he works hard and learns about human sexuality, he may have the opportunity to get in that top 20 percent (given how little most guys try, this is easier than it may seem). It may be very hard for him, but overcoming difficulty is how we grow. School presents too few difficulties, and difficulties of the wrong sort, to let us grow.

The other problem chicks face is that “good” men by definition already have girlfriends. If they don’t have girlfriends, they must not be that good. I’ve been somewhat successful over time because I usually have a backup reserve of possible girlfriends; when one leaves, I immediately hit up any and all plausible replacements for dates. I’m going to try going on a date with one of Bike Girl’s friends this weekend. It may not work. But she’s been flirting with me for a while, so it might work.

I also made a move on a 22-year-old I know, loosely, through work, and I think she was attracted to me because she knew about my sex-positive disposition and interest in sex parties and non-monogamy (done well, this is powerful pre-selection). Probably one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen, although with a weird, introverted personality that works for me. Very introverted, but I failed: she has a girlfriend and the night we met, we first met in a coffee shop, and I thought that was going to be it. But it was “on,” so I moved her to a bar to get drinks, though I had kids at home and thus had no good logistics in place. She had a (probably true) time constraint as well. I’ll write a longer post about her at some point, but she’s bisexual and mostly dates women. For a guy who wants to get laid, “bisexual” is one of the best things he can hear, because it codes as “likes sex a lot” and “easier to get in bed.” We talked yesterday and she said she wants to ice us. Too bad, because I’ve got a horrible crush on her. It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a real, honest-to-God crush. In retrospect I shouldn’t have moved on her when I did, but I thought the follow-up would be a layup. Nope.

The only thing I can do now is withdraw attention and wait. I know intellectually that’s the right move, but when you’ve got it bad for a crush that’s hard to do. I have to fight my own instincts.

I think I’m writing right now out of the pain of not getting, and likely losing, her. It’s been a long time since one hurt. It’s probably good for me. Reminds me of what the typical guy is feeling. I’m trying to think of the last one I had it this bad for and can’t think of any. I want to get her out of my mind, but I can’t.

DNA confirms: women like to screw around, lie about it

DNA confirms: women like to screw around, lie about it:

The site uses your DNA to match you with other relatives in the 23andMe database. How often do you hear about people who discover they’re actually adopted or have a secret sibling?

Every day. Every day. The nonpaternity average in this country is much higher than people think it is. There’s a good chance there’s an “Uncle Joe” in your family who’s actually just “Joe.” So everyone has a story like that; they just don’t necessarily know it. In the early days, we wondered: How are we going to handle this? And in some ways, I think we’ve helped normalize it.

Think about that, “the nonpaternity average in this country is much higher than people think it is,” next time you’re uncertain about approaching, or the next time you think, “She could be the one, I should get married.”

When I have some time I will write about the women who may have had my kid. I met her at a work conference but didn’t directly work with her; she was married and had had one kid already; sorry to say that she wasn’t that hot; she wanted me to use a condom; the timing with her kid #2 works out suspiciously. I don’t know for sure. Wouldn’t be surprised, though.

If we had a country and medical system that gave a shit about men, DNA tests would be mandatory at birth. But we don’t.

Don’t get married and make sure you get that DNA test

So. The new Esther Perel book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity ,is out. I read her first book Mating in Captivity and that book solidified to me how dangerous Western marriage is. I’ve been slipping Mating in Captivity to friends, after a couple of beers, for years. I’m sure most of them don’t read it. Then they marry and divorce and cry when their exes take all their money.

You need to read the new book, although I’ve only gotten through a few pages. This is an important part:

Whether we like it or not, philandering is here to stay. And all the ink spilled advising us on how to “affair-proof” our relationships has not managed to curb the number of men and women who wander. Infidelity happens in good marriages, in bad marriages, and even when adultery is punishable by death.

She’s right. So the solution is, do not get married. And if she says that baby is yours, get the DNA test to prove it. RP guys like to say there are guys who are cheated on and guys who are cheated with. Be the latter. Don’t get married. It’s not impossible that a married (not to me) woman had my kid, and I should write that story (she was married, work weekend, she wanted to use a condom…).

Know how to “rethink infidelity?” Rethink marriage. Specifically, guys shouldn’t marry, at least not while the legal system in the United States is stacked against them.

Feminists have been castigating marriage for decades. They’re going to get a world where guys don’t want to subsidize chicks. Which isn’t going to make a lot of women happy. Guys are waking up.

Women want to follow your lead: a story about a woman presenting two ways

Years ago I dated this average-but-pretty woman, and I slowly introduced her to sex-positive culture and sex parties. When we first started dating she presented a fairly average relationship and sex history. Over the course of a month or two I got her to go to a sex party with me and then eventually got her to swap partners. That was hard for her at first, and about half of women I’ve gotten to do this find it very hard, while about half are pretty curious to try it out (contrary to some of the manosphere descriptions). She did do it and over time she became more sex-positive. In her rhetoric and actions she began to favor of group sex and consensual non-monogamy.

Eventually things soured because I wouldn’t move in with her and refused to make a long-term commitment. A long time ago I decided that cohabitation is not for me, and refusing the “next steps” has probably been the end of my last 10 – 15 short- to medium-term relationships. Most women have their own dating timeline and it moves from meeting to kissing to casual sex to deep sex to moving in, marrying, and children.

My timeline stops at deep sex and most women will break up with me when I tell them after a couple months that there is no “next” step to the relationship. It is possible to lie and let women dangle for long periods of time, but I think it’s mean, deceptive, and hurts both the woman and the guy telling the lie. Women also have tight reproductive timelines and for women over the age of 30 it’s cruel to let them invest years of their reproductive prime in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.

Plus, if you let a woman age 30+ invest years of her reproductive prime in you, don’t be surprised if she takes matters into her own hands and “forgets” to take her birth control. Or she gets her IUD out and doesn’t have it replaced.

You may argue that’s unethical. I agree. It’s also unethical and cruel to let a woman invest years of her reproductive prime at age 30+ in a relationship that won’t lead to kids. Yes, she should “know better,” but so should you. Have fun with her for a couple months, then be straightforward about being a player and not wanting  kids (or kids with her).

I did like this woman and I did like the way she had sex. Like most women who breakup for timeline issues we did keep hooking up for a while. In these situations it’s common for the woman to find another guy, date him, break up with him, and come back for more sex.

I don’t think any of her friends totally knew what we were up to, although some could read between the lines when they’d ask what we were doing and I’d say things like, “Going to a party,” and when they’d ask if they could come, I’d explain that I’m not sure it was for them and that I wasn’t the host. If you do this kinda shit with a smile you can get away with it. Some of them would drunkenly confide their own dark sex desires to me, because they knew I’d keep those desires secret.

Recently this guy I work with acquired a new girlfriend. One night I finally meet her and it’s the same one from my story before! Just older. Meeting for her was awkward for her and for him, because we obviously knew each other. I just did my usual thing in this circumstance and was like, “Oh hey, I remember you from Joe’s party.” Like I said women want to fall into your frame and she fell right into mine again, saving face and making sure it’s less awkward than it would be otherwise for the guy dating her.

Part of the reason this encounter went more smoothly than it could have is because she knows I don’t want to shame her in front of her new man. I don’t want to out her. She knows that my sex positivity is real. She acquiesced to taping sex acts that could be viewed as degrading because she knew, correctly, that I would never use those tapes against her.

Some snippets of those tapes are still on the Internet but she is not identifiable in them. If you are part of the secret society and really keep the “secret” part of the secret society, good things will happen to you.

I’m 95% sure she’s not going to tell the guy she’s dating that she’s fucked me and fucked a bunch of other guys and gals with me. I’m pretty sure my colleague has a normal frame and worldview about women that does not include understanding that women love sex and will do almost anything for a guy they really want to keep. He couldn’t imagine this woman partner-swapping and fucking a guy whose name she doesn’t even know while I do the same to his girl. I feel kinda bad for the guy, but it is not my job to wake him up; that is his job. He is a fine guy overall but he presents to women as weak and normal so I’m sure women treat him that way.

He should know or suspect her history, but his mind doesn’t want to go there. People can tell which guys are players and which guys are losers who can’t get dates, and while I’ve mostly stopped bringing dates to most company or industry functions, people know. I try to minimize that reputation because it doesn’t help me for the most part, but it is not possible to fully hide who you are.

Also, I’m sure that some of the commenters will say that all women are willing to go to orgies and engage in gang bangs and the depraved shit I like. Not true. I’ve tried. Women have turned me down or just run away because group sex or partner swapping is not congruent with their personalities. That’s fine with me. I’d say they’re the minority of women, probably under 25%, but they exist.

Over time though most women will follow your lead. I want to be a hedonistic slut and over time demand that women do the same. Most will. My colleague probably wants women to present as demure and so they probably will present that way. Most people do not actually stand for anything, so they follow the lead of the strongest person they see.

Happy New Year and make 2017 the year you do the shit you really want to do. Don’t let other people tell you how to run your life. It is up to you to create the world you want to live in. The vast majority of the population just goes through other people’s ruts and other people’s paths.

To quote another writer, “Your woman is pretty much malleable to whatever values or life you to intend to live, if your frame is strong enough.” There are exceptions but in most cases women respond to authentic frames and want a guy strong enough to graciously and gracefully lead them. If you have that frame a lot becomes possible. Most women hide their deep sexual desires for fear of being judged by other women and by men. The number who will speak about how they feel or act out their fantasies is small because most women are constrained by the box other women and men put around them. I try to open that box.

Show her what type of man you are so she knows what kinda woman to be.

Someone asked me whether most guys in non-monogamous relationships are secretly or overtly bisexual. I don’t think so, and guys who are bi or want to experiment with men can go to any gay bar any night of the week to do so. They don’t need to go to a sex club. Gay guys do what straight guys wish they could and have sex all the time. So there’s really no need to go through the whole party and club process that straight group sex entails.