Is it you talking, or your ego talking? Drop dead leads fast

A week ago I sent a catch-up email to this young chick who I knew from a while ago… I was replying to an email of hers from a couple years back. We’d flirted a little then, but I didn’t think she was interested, and that was fine (we had a bit of social connection), and her email from back then was charming. I read it by accident while I was looking for something else, and it made me think of her and send the catch-up message. The reply I got her this week was not charming.

She said, How dare you email me? Then some other nasty stuff. I was thinking, WTF? I was confused, too. Where was this coming from? I’m not sure, but it also doesn’t f**king matter, since it’s the kind of deliberate message that says, “Don’t bother.” In general, it’s not a bad idea to occasionally ping old leads, check in to see if some chick’s situation has changed, etc. It’s better to cultivate new leads, but it’s not always a bad idea to see who might be on deck… I’m not actively pursuing new leads right now but am happy to add potentials to the back of the list, in case I need it) .

I saw a Twitter thread a couple weeks ago (can’t remember who wrote it, sorry) with a very deliberate, straightforward message from a chick saying something like, “I don’t like you and I don’t want to talk to you again.” That is not a game-playing message, it’s not a coy message… it’s a “F**k off” message. When you get one of those (I’ve gotten my share), it’s over. Block her and move on. However alive you thought that lead might have been, it’s dead and gone now. These kinds of very deliberate, very cold messages are “game over.” Direct your attention more productively. Don’t send the message that says all the things you don’t like about her. It’s too late for that. There’s no sure-fire way to distinguish every one of these messages, but they are usually sent via text (in today’s world), and they are very cold and deliberate and not flirty at all. The chick will probably capitalize words correctly and use periods, even if she doesn’t do that normally.

It’s super tempting to have some equally mean or nasty reply, or to say something mean or nasty… but it’s not worthwhile. All day, annoyingly, as I kept doing other things, like work, or reading Nicolas Cage on Acting, Philosophy and Searching for the Holy Grail: “I wanted to have the mystery of the old stars, always preserved in an enigmatic aura”, I kept thinking about good retorts to this chick’s stupid, mean email. I had the best replies in my head! I’d show her! I’d make HER feel bad. I’d show her that I’m cooler than she is!

Doesn’t f**king matter, though. What good can possibly happen with that message? None, none at all. It will AT BEST waste more of my time and mental energy, to what end? To make me feel better? For a moment? At worst, it ignites a pointless feud, makes her denounce me online, etc.

I know, in my thinking head, that there is zero to gain by replying. Yet I want to. I want to badly. That’s the ego talking. Mentally I know it’s better to concentrate on my goals, even though I also want to say YOU SUCK back.

Instead of sending her a message, I waited, and then I wrote out my thoughts about why it is a stupid idea to send her the message, and you are now reading it.

Players are familiar with the need to persist through common obstacles, like “I have a boyfriend.” Typical answers are “That’s okay” or “I don’t care.” Or chicks who are flakey around scheduling, sometimes to the point where logistical fatigue prevents a meetup. Persistence through shit tests. There is a time for persistence and a time for disconnection, and when she gets cold and direct, that’s typically time for disconnection. Particularly when it also includes something she doesn’t like about you, something serious and not teasing. “I think you have a silly nose:” teasing. “I don’t like you and don’t want to speak with you again.” Probably not teasing (depends a little on context).

Part of growing up is learning not to do the stupid thing that feels good. The day I got the email I was thinking about all these clever replies… and the day after, it was mostly washed from my head. Not totally, or I’d not be writing here, but mostly. Waiting 24 – 48 hours before replying to emotionally charged messages is often smart.

There is a LOT of material online about how to open chicks, how to do the initial texting, etc. There is almost none about ending it with chicks, or chicks directly ending it with you. I think that’s because online is the world of beginners… we should have more about endings.

The Coast of Utopia: A lot of women would rather focus on their children

The Coast of Utopia: From the looks of Instagram, Courtney Adamo and the surfing mamas of Byron Bay are living the dream” is like pornography for feminists (semi-forbidden but also deeply attractive), because the story appeals to the bulk of women who realize, after a couple years in the real world, that they’d rather spend time with their children than grind it out in the corporate world, competing against men in a male universe. Women buy into this narrative of corporate / financial achievement… then find that it is contrary to their nature and deeper desires… then are afraid to speak up about this because they get shamed by other women. Then porn-for-women stories like this appear and make the yearning all the more powerful.

A lot of women don’t seem to realize this until they’re approaching age 30… when it’s not too late to change, but it’s perceived as being much harder to change. When you wrap your identity in the corporate-grind thing, it can be difficult to unwrap that identity and wrap it up in something else, like the family a woman really wants in her soul and at the base of her being.

Women also realize this right at the point when younger women are crowding up from behind them… right at the point when guys their age and a little older who are family-oriented have already picked their preferred woman.

Instagram is the god-from-the-sky for the women in this particular story, as Instagram provides income, validation, attention, and it’s easy, all at once. Real world… it’s very rare to get them all together. A lot of women who lives rich fantasy lives think they can try to be rich on Instagram… one in ten thousand succeeds, maybe less. It’s right up there with trying to make it in Hollywood. Like the male equivalent of looking for a guy who is into hotwifing and who also has an attractive girlfriend who is into the guy… is it possible? Yeah. Should a guy really be concentrating on the game, not this bullshit? Also yeah. So this story has some bullshit in it, but it also reflects the very real female desire to have a real family while not having to grind out the two-income trap many women wander right into, by being told that they should grind through the corporate world. A small number of women do really like grinding the corporate world, do make real money at doing it, have a family and a nanny and a fabulous pedicure and whatever else it is chicks like… I have met women like this… they are just in the minority. The deep minority of women. Much more common is women who don’t realize till they’re at or over age 30 that they’ve bought into the bullshit, and it’s very hard to get back out of it. The deep satisfaction of family is infinitely greater than beating out Bob to become assistant regional manager and, one day, God willing, regional manager.

Some women also make the mistake of pretending that they want to focus on their families… but really they want to focus on having a super rich hot successful husband, and also outcompeting other women materially (cars, houses, etc.), and also being the most fabulous woman with the most fabulous job. Very very hard to do them all, and most women who try fail, then they write shit like so and so. Most of them have to decide their core values and stick to those (again, real world… there are a few exceptions out there). Many parameters cannot all be maximized simultaneously. The same is true of guys in the game. It is hard to simultaneously be super fit, get a good education, play in a great band or be a DJ, compete in MMA, have a job, etc. Most guys are going to have to pick one or two things and focus on those. For a guy looking for a long-term thing, it’s also unlikely to be able to maximize super hot, super loyal, super family oriented, super fun, good income, mentally stable, maintains blindness towards your side piece, etc. Most guys have to choose among those traits because they are not usually all found in one woman… and if they are, she is going to have lots and lots of choices herself.

The world runs on delusion… delusion can help improve your game… but if your game is not going well, and you can’t generate your own powerful delusion field (like Steve Jobs’ Reality Distortion Field), then you have to face reality instead. Sorry bro.

Back to the article, most of the women I know in the real world did marry eventually. The ones who didn’t… or who married, didn’t have kids, then divorced… they’re the ones who are worst off. For women, declining sexual market value (SMV) after age 35 is usually brutal without kids and a partner. There are exceptions who do all right with it, or who keep finding new guys… but the average outcome doesn’t look very good. And most people are just too lazy and undisciplined to quit sugar and hit the gym, and that shows in their bodies and their outcomes. Ice cream (a weakness of mine, admittedly) is here and now.

Man-hating feminist spinsters are much scarcer in real life than they are online, or in the conventional media, so a lot of angry guys online are responding to ideas that are bad, but that are also not very common in the real world, where most women like men and most men like women. Someone who really truly hates the opposite sex is sending their genes and culture on a one-way ride off a canyon. Within a hundred years I expect militant feminism to have solved itself. Too late for me.

“The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before”

The Woman Searching for the Lust She Didn’t Have Before” is more Red Pill advice, but from a woman… this one dumped her fiancé cause “He wanted to have kids right away, move to New Jersey, and just be basic and suburban together. He was a great guy but I would have died in that environment. I’m having so much fun now (more or less).” For chicks and relationships, “Boredom = death,” a fact many guys fail to realize, and chicks just want to have “fun.” Guys whose ideas of fun include security and basic provisioning are not attractive to the vast majority of chicks.

Simultaneously, this chick knows another woman, “She’s 40-something and still looking for ‘Mr. Right.’ I don’t see anything wrong with being single and 40 but I cannot imagine searching for the ‘right’ guy for 15 more fucking years. Life is too short for that!” Yet this chick is probably heading in that direction. Or who knows, she’s going to end up being “poly.” Whatever it is, there is an element of “as you sow, so you shall reap.”

“I think how I really love when a man is strong and aggressive in his kissing. I’m not sure I need/want gentle and loving. I kind of want to be fucked and devoured.” Very much what you’ve been reading about sex techniques in this blog, Red Coco’s blog, etc., about how women like rough and dominant sex and if you’re not doing that you’re probably turning her off.

A lot of chicks, when you really really listen to them, are Red Pill. They just don’t frame it the way Red Pill guys do. What chicks want and what guys really want to do fit together. The problem is that modern feminism and schools (feminist indoctrination camps) try to disable what people instinctually want… then people get in f**ked-up relationships that never really work.

It took me an incredibly long time to recognize the need for rough sex skills. That may be why an appreciable number of chicks prefer older guys, who have learned the ropes.

“The Key Logger” by Nicholas Jack

A reader sent me a copy of Nicholas Jack‘s book The Key Logger, a set of stories about the author’s spying and privacy violations. It’s akin to The Voyeur’s Motel, which is also relevant to human nature and especially the nature of women… topics much of society works hard to obscure. I myself don’t think I really “got it” until quite far into my life, and if not for some unexpected swerves I might still be in the dark.

This story from The Key Logger is about what a man sees when he leaves a computer with a keylogger installed on it open and available to women he dates. The results show many of them acting duplicitously, courting multiple men simultaneously, etc. To me, this book should remind guys that, when we are in doubt, we should go for it, as we never know when a woman’s situation will change or what she is really doing, as what she does is often very different from what she says she does. I am fond of keeping a list of “maybe” chicks who flame out or whatever and hitting them up every six to nine months. Often, their situation has changed or they are dissatisfied with their boyfriend, etc. I should say that I used to be fond of this practice but have been becoming less excited about it over time. “Snapchat in game” is a part of this kind of thinking/practice.

The bad news: the book is poorly edited and many sections are less developed than they should be. That is the nature of self-published books and for $8.99 on Kindle this one should be better or cheaper. My Secret Garden is probably a more immediately relevant book but this one reinforces what you will read in that one. But you will find much that is useful. The writer also notices things I have noticed:

We did another city tour on her scooter. It made me really understand why people love motorcycles. You are so shielded from the world when you are in a car, but on a motorcycle it feels like you are really there.

Most people excessively shield themselves from the world and live shittier lives as a result. I don’t know if motorcycles cause people to do less of that, or if people who do less of that choose to ride. I get the same feeling on a bike. Girls who don’t like cars are on average better than those who do. I have argued that men should “Ride an electric motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating.” Used Zero Electric Motorcycles are widely available now. Electric Vespas are also now shipping and they are sexy as hell. Americans are too fat and too wrapped up in our big fat cars, then we wonder why we are disconnected from each other and miserable.

When a girl has a lot of options it’s very easy for her to use them if things get a little rough.

That’s simply true.

He also perceives that some women need a lot of attention from men, but that is partially an artifact of the women he’s dating. The women who don’t need constant attention aren’t dating around nearly as much. I do think women (and men) are very good at compartmentalizing when the need arises; women who are really good are probably not caught, or rarely caught.

This author, Nicholas Jack, is casually dating women who are casually dating him. Casually dating people often date multiple people. He seems to travel a lot for work, and that is detrimental to relationships. Men want sex and women want sex. If we can’t get it from one person, we seek it from another. He is discovering that women are human and also like sex. It is strange to me that our society works so hard and effectively to hide this fact.

He also runs into a girl who is cuckolding another guy; my guess is that their arrangement is consensual and she’s not actually trying to get pregnant, and they’re doing some kind of role play scenario. No guarantee that’s true.

This guy also likes normal clubs way more than I do.

The Key Logger could be seen as a long explanation for why I like consensual non-monogamy, as opposed to the de facto non-monogamy many people do. The girls this guy dates are already non-monogamous, so why not turn them into wingmen (wing women?) and go all the way? In my own life, I’ve been caring less about the game but it doesn’t seem to have affected results, at least so far.

There seem to be a lot of books that are okay but not where they should be, and some more effort would improve them. Quantity over quality sells? I was worried that I put too much effort into the sex clubs and players book, but it seems not.

Unfortunately, this book is far too short and poorly executed to highly recommend to most guys, but if you are looking for entertainment you can do worse. In addition, I wonder what would happen if a guy installed a key logger today and left a computer open in a prominent place. Would his results be similar to Nicholas Jack’s? I admire guys who gather data and run experiments, so I will encourage you do this and report back on the outcomes. I also encourage guys to write blogs because blogs are visible to search engines as well as places for a man to develop his own psychology. Twitter is ephemeral and a blog is more easily accessible to a wide array of guys.

Garbage post about ranking chicks

Guys love numerical rankings and arguing over differences in rank, and we apply our natural inclination towards women: thus the well-known “Hot Babe” (HB) scale, although fortunately most guys aren’t so anti-social that they say “HB.” She just a “7” or maybe “low 7” or “high 7.”

These numbers don’t really matter because any given chick is pretty much a binary, a 0 or 1… do you enjoy f**king her or not? Do you really look forward to doing her some more? Is she fun and exciting to you? Then that’s all you need and what other guys say/think is irrelevant.

But, like I said, guys love ranking, so here goes: chicks below a 5 aren’t even noticeable, typically because they’re grossly fat or just old or have something else seriously messed up about them. A 5 is usually fat, old, or both, but has something redeeming that makes her of faint sexual interest. You’d probably want to deny f**king a 5 to your buddies, but she’s not impossible. Trying to distinguish between a 3 versus a 4 is pretty pointless… who really cares?

A 6 is okay. There’s typically something off about her, but you’ve probably done worse (I’ve done worse). If you’re in a drought or you’re sexually inexperienced, 6s might be great for you. Today, I have been turning down marginal notches, but as a younger guy I picked up quite a few marginal notches and that was the right/smart thing to do, simply to build up my experience with women and sexual skills. Although there’s something off, there’s also something distinctly alluring about a 6, so you should find that thing and focus on it, especially if you’re inexperienced. I have had really good sexual chemistry with some 6s, so that I don’t care about whether they’re a 6 or a 7.

While there are obviously exceptions, inexperienced guys often build up to high 7s, 8s, or 9s. How do you build experience as a guy? You sleep with more chicks. The more chicks you sleep with, the more you realize chicks are just humans too and the better you understand female psychology (as well as sexuality/sex skills, which many guys are deficient in… a lot of chicks have never or rarely been f**ked to satiation, and when they are f**ked to satiation, it blows their minds and bodies). Chicks can also sense the desperation that comes off guys who don’t get laid. If there are no chicks good enough for you, then you are either in an all-boys school, on a Navy warship, in prison, or in some other kind of military situation. For guys in normal social situations, there are going to be some chicks around who are or should be “good enough” for you. If none are “good enough,” lower your supposed standards.

7s are average cute girls. You’re happy to nail them. There are a huge number of 7s around. There’s something distinctly attractive about a 7, and that something can be variable. Often it’s just youth and/or being height-weight proportionate. The variety of 7s make them hard to generalize about.

8s are like 7s but with good proportions… nothing is out of place. Her face is usually nice, or, if it’s not very good, it’s at least distinctive in a good way. Very few 8s persist past age 30. 8s are also uncommon… maybe they are more common in Eastern Europe… I just don’t have access to many 8s, and I’m pretty suspicious of online guys who say they’re routinely getting with 8s. That’s not impossible, especially for a good-looking, social guy in college or right after… just not real likely. Most guys like to inflate the value of a given chick, particularly if other guys online will never see her. 8s are not readily available to me.

9s are like 8s but with ideal, hourglass proportions, youth, and a pretty, symmetrical face. Very few 9s persist past age 26 or 27. 9s are rare. If a guy claims to be regularly dating a bevy of 9s, he has an inflated sense of value or is himself very rare, like a high-level entertainer, etc. I meet very few 9s. Once you get into the high-8, low-9 territory, distinctions also stop mattering very much… she is really f**king hot.

10s… can’t change a thing. Not sure they really exist. I’ve heard guys say, “a 10 is just an 8 or 9 you haven’t f**ked.” Makes sense to me.

Most of the chicks I’ve been with have been 7s. Cute chicks I’m happy to be with but not all that special in pure looks terms.

In my view, you can’t properly rank/rate a chick till you’ve seen her nude. I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of chicks nude, live in person (have not f**ked the vast majority of them, but I have seen them via sex clubs). Clothed chicks can go either way… sometimes up a point or two because they’re wearing baggy/unflattering clothes, or are just tight all round, or sometimes the opposite way, because they’re wearing flattering clothes, push-up bras, etc. I’ve initially thought a chick is a basic 7 only to find a high 8 underneath those clothes… and I love that feeling. Opposite happens too, though, as it did with Low-cut top girl recently.

How a chick looks is also correlated to, but not perfectly linear with, sexual chemistry. I’ve found high 6s and low 7s with whom I have better sexual chemistry than 8s. Obviously it’s very satisfying to f**k a really hot chick. Some guys also say really hot chicks are worse in bed… I may have once believed that, but, as I became more sexually dominant with practice, I stopped believed it, since now I tell a girl where to go and what to do. If she’s on her knees or bent over a couch, with a handful of her hair in my fist, she will likely perform just fine. Some girls do require a bit of training, and in my experience the first/second times having sex are almost never the BEST times. Usually it takes 3 – 10 times to really  get in sync.

Better yet, if a girl is “bad” in bed, I don’t tell her what to do, I pick her up and put her where I want her. Or I tie her up, put cuffs on her, blindfold her, and play with her until she’s in a deep sexual state. It’s been a while since I’ve had truly bad sex. To me, bad sex used to happen when I was uncertain and the girl was uncertain, inexperienced, etc. Just being dominant and directive is not enough to ensure GREAT sex, but it can bring almost any acceptably hot and willing girl up to “pretty good.”

I think chicks know / can sense this. Chicks like it when they can tell the guy just sort of expects to get laid, but, at the same time, he’s not real bothered if he doesn’t. He’ll get the chick next time, or, if she wanders off, he’ll get someone else. That’s the right attitude to have. Not demanding, but lightly worn expectation. I can’t precisely describe how to cultivate this aura. Many guys, I think, are kind of waiting for the chick to take the lead… which she will never do… and the chick herself is often nervous and doesn’t know what to do, and less experienced guys will interpret this as “bad” sex. To me, bad sex happens when I discover the girl is less hot than I thought she was, or smells less good than I want, and I’ve lost some of my interest in her.

“Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people”

Life’s too short to try to manage damaged people.” This is exactly what I was attempting to articulate when I wrote that guys should not believe everything we’re told:

Everyone has a narrative. Most people’s narratives leave some shit out. Whenever someone tells you some story, think about the dark matter of that story. This goes doubly for anything relating to abuse or “abuse,” which are both trendy these days.

For some reason, at least half a dozen women have told me on first dates or near first dates about abuse or “abuse,” and with every one of them I did the same thing: no more dates, no more escalation. Don’t need that shit. If she’s sharing it inappropriately early, run.

When a guy is young, desperate, and undersexed, it is very tempting to ignore the damage and chase the chick anyway, even if the guy knows better, but this is typically a mistake. A damaged girl is like an old World-War-II-era munition dug up in Europe: she may look very cool, interesting, and different, but you never know when she’s going to blow up, taking your hand or life with her. Girl who are excessively ideologically feminist are typically damaged and should be avoided. These days lots of cute, urban, college-educated chicks will squawk a little about feminist talking points but be otherwise normal girls and that’s fine and can be safely ignored. But if she is too damaged, psychologically by her family or in some other way, she must be avoided.

I made an error with the lover mentioned in “I take it back: I think I have to cut her loose.” I didn’t realize how damaged she was when I first got together with her. I thought she is cool and mysterious. Turns out that is not the case, and the more I learned the more apparent that became, though there is no single moment that stands out as a “I should cut this off” moment. I was willing to tolerate more damage than I should have because she is pretty and easy.

To my credit, I did eventually walk. To my debit, it took me longer than it should have. I also have good other options and the ability to find new girls. Would I have such fortitude if she were my only reliable source of sex and intimate female companionship? I want to write, “Yes, of course, I am that strong.” Am I really? Maybe not. That is one reason guys need to learn game: it enables them to jettison damaged women, when they may be tempted to hang onto them otherwise.

The 80/20 principle and why “there are no good men out there”

On Reddit, a guy wrote a post, “The Pareto Principle, women’s tendency to complain that there are ‘no good men out there,’ and it’s application to YOUR confidence levels.” It’s pretty good, unlike many posts, and men should know that 20% of the guys likely slam 80% of the women. For most guys, it’s possible (albeit through work) to hit that top 20%. The guy who has more options also gets more options through the winners effect (winning a little begets more winning).

In addition, most women want to look up to a guy—to find a guy they perceive to have higher perceived SMV than their own. That’s why putting a chick on a pedestal is so defeating and gross. But, for the mentally stable 8+ chicks, there are very few guys who she perceives as higher value than herself. So yeah, she may have 99 options, but she’s pining for the one guy that four other chicks pine for as well. That guy probably has enough options that he’s a little whatever about her, which makes her like him even more, leading to a feedback loop.

Women do perceive themselves as having very few options because they want to date and marry “up.” As a woman nears the top of the beauty and mental sanity pool, that becomes very hard. And the average man is attracted to the average woman, while the average woman is not attracted to the average man (Mate by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller discusses this, and so does a hidden RP book called Dataclysm). By default, except for the very top guys, most women are not going to be attracted to a given guy. That is why guys must get used to rejection, early in the process (later in the process, it’s more common for a guy to reject the chick).

This 80/20 rule is why every guy doing online dating needs to learn basic photography. If he does that, he sets himself far apart. I’ve looked through chicks’s online dating matches with them. Chicks are right that probably 90% of their matches are hideous. Hot chicks have it worse. If you have not tried this, I recommend you do with your next plate or FWB or lover. Most chicks have online dating profiles, though they don’t want to admit it.

Guys further don’t understand that for women, perception is reality. For guys, reality is reality. Guys are more like engineers and chicks and more like marketers. To a woman, the desirability of a man is probably based less on his underlying traits than on how much other chicks like him.

To some women, I’ve been in the top one percent of guys; to others, I’ve been, if not in the bottom ten percent, then sexually invisible or repulsive. In a man’s life, he has the opportunity to play many roles. If he works hard and learns about human sexuality, he may have the opportunity to get in that top 20 percent (given how little most guys try, this is easier than it may seem). It may be very hard for him, but overcoming difficulty is how we grow. School presents too few difficulties, and difficulties of the wrong sort, to let us grow.

The other problem chicks face is that “good” men by definition already have girlfriends. If they don’t have girlfriends, they must not be that good. I’ve been somewhat successful over time because I usually have a backup reserve of possible girlfriends; when one leaves, I immediately hit up any and all plausible replacements for dates. I’m going to try going on a date with one of Bike Girl’s friends this weekend. It may not work. But she’s been flirting with me for a while, so it might work.

I also made a move on a 22-year-old I know, loosely, through work, and I think she was attracted to me because she knew about my sex-positive disposition and interest in sex parties and non-monogamy (done well, this is powerful pre-selection). Probably one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen, although with a weird, introverted personality that works for me. Very introverted, but I failed: she has a girlfriend and the night we met, we first met in a coffee shop, and I thought that was going to be it. But it was “on,” so I moved her to a bar to get drinks, though I had kids at home and thus had no good logistics in place. She had a (probably true) time constraint as well. I’ll write a longer post about her at some point, but she’s bisexual and mostly dates women. For a guy who wants to get laid, “bisexual” is one of the best things he can hear, because it codes as “likes sex a lot” and “easier to get in bed.” We talked yesterday and she said she wants to ice us. Too bad, because I’ve got a horrible crush on her. It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a real, honest-to-God crush. In retrospect I shouldn’t have moved on her when I did, but I thought the follow-up would be a layup. Nope.

The only thing I can do now is withdraw attention and wait. I know intellectually that’s the right move, but when you’ve got it bad for a crush that’s hard to do. I have to fight my own instincts.

I think I’m writing right now out of the pain of not getting, and likely losing, her. It’s been a long time since one hurt. It’s probably good for me. Reminds me of what the typical guy is feeling. I’m trying to think of the last one I had it this bad for and can’t think of any. I want to get her out of my mind, but I can’t.