Over the past six months, I haven’t had much enthusiasm, time, or energy for game. Around the end of 2021, my carefully managed ENM relationship nearly blew up, because of a girl who’s been in my life (we’ll call her “long distance boyfriend girl”), for many years. I met her through someone in the same sex-party community as me. Initially, I had to turn down sleeping with her even though there was a strong mutual attraction, because at the time the rules between my girlfriend and me for sleeping with other partners weren’t clear, and my gf was out of town. Sadly, that small opportunity window closed, and long-distance-boyfriend girl started dating a dude…long distance. Most long-distance relationships are effectively non-monogamous relationships, they just lack the crucial “ethical” part.
Xbtusd is back, with a story about chasing a hot woman in Latin America during lockdown.
Last winter the obvious move, for anyone childless who could suddenly work remotely, was to leave dense urban areas and head to warmer climates. I rented a place with my girlfriend and three friends: life was idyllic, the women were stunning, yet our social life was still a bit stunted by COVID. For the most part, our house rules roughly translated to, “you have to get permission to hang out with anyone not already on the approved list.” Back then, rapid tests and vaccines weren’t widely and easily available, and the rules made making new friends and dating a tough sell. As the winter passed, the fear of sickness abated, and the desire to socialize came back with a fury.
One of the guys staying with us had a younger former student in the area, so we invited her to hang out.
When he read this story, RQ asked the obvious question… why not all of you? She gave off strong sexual vibes but said she hadn’t had sex in a long time and that she hadn’t felt ready to since her last relationship. It was hard to square her strong apparent boundaries around sex with her palpable desire and her sexual heat. It also seemed like she might be just a flirt/tease. She made it clear that she wasn’t going to be sleeping with any of us as we were friends of her former teacher, but it was hard to read whether that was just her “anti-slut defense” or a genuine boundary. It didn’t strike me as a situation where she was going to hook up with more than one person, if she did with any of us. Despite that, she genuinely talked about sex 95% of the time in a group or 1 on 1 setting, perhaps using the talk as a substitute for the action.
She told us about her ex-boyfriend and the bad sex that they had. She talked about coming from an Asian country where sex was not talked about and her family’s relationship to sex. She asked each of us about every sexual experience under the sun. What makes for good sex? How do you like a blowjob? Have you ever had group sex? Are you kinky? Do you like anal? I am not exaggerating that week we spent 20 hours in a group with her talking about sex, and her and our relationships to it. By the end I was yearning to talk about math. We all would have made a move sooner, except that some logistics prevented it. She actually came to hang out with us two separate times separated by about a month. The first time, she was with this awful beta guy she told us she was not fucking but had been dating/living with for a month (an American dude she met on Hinge: if what she said is true, then men really do need to learn the game and stop simping). She had ditched him by the second trip to visit and was there for a longer period. It was also tough to get her alone, so it was awkward to really make a move when we were in large groups, and the other guys and I hadn’t coordinated a possible gang bang. Lastly, we’re all friends and didn’t want to fight over her, or make ourselves look like a bunch of thirsty bumbling fools falling all over each other to get to her.
We had a very large four-bedroom house with a pool in a walled, compound-style home. As a result, we often hosted small parties: sitting by the pool around a big table drinking, snorting freshly cut cocaine, skinny dipping, dancing, etc. On one of her last nights, the usual crew was hanging out, and we were playing “Never have I ever,” like high schoolers, and she said she’d never done cocaine. Immediately a line was poured, and she hoovered one like a pro. I can’t remember how I made the transition, but I then asked if she had ever had a line done off of her? She responded in the negative, and I inquired if she would like to have one done off her tits. She confirmed that she would and hopped on the couch removing her top. I poured up a fresh line and inhaled, followed by a long make-out with everybody watching. My girlfriend took her cue and came over and poured her own line and joined us in a three-person make-out.
My mind raced to logistics. One dude + 2 chicks, with 3 dudes watching. We returned to the table and went back to playing cards. How was I going to get her into my bedroom without the awkwardness of everybody seeing and her feeling the awkwardness of seeming like a slut? As the night wound down I eventually found a moment alone and whispered to her to follow me into my bedroom. I invited her to stay over with me and my girlfriend but she quickly turned me down, saying that she wasn’t there yet. It was clear that this was a boundary and knowing her pretty well at that point I knew that she drew very firm boundaries and so I didn’t push. I thanked her for a fun evening, gave her a goodnight kiss, and sent her on her way.
We all eventually returned home, and she hit me up after a bunch more traveling. The first time we met up was a long day of drinking in the streets. She was hours late and, when she arrived, much to my surprise she told me she had fallen asleep after a marathon night of fucking that ended at noon that day. I was shocked, as sex had previously been off the table, but when I inquired she began telling me about a shift that had happened in her after she left us. She had done an ayahuasca ceremony where she had been transformed and now felt like she had reconnected with her sexual self (demonstrating the power of psychedelics). She had been on a rampage running through every interesting/hot guy she met and was radiating sexual energy, as usual.
Taking my cue, I started flirting hard and floating the idea of having the threesome I had been hoping for earlier in the year, but she quickly nixed that idea, saying that she didn’t want to sleep with friends and make things too complicated. Once again, it was clear this was not a point that she was going to be swayed, so I figured I would let our friendship evolve, and I assume at some point in the future she will have another psychedelic trip where she is instructed to have threesomes with her friends and I will be her first call. Looking back at all the events, I don’t think there’s much I could have done better/differently, but as I’ve mentioned, I’m a fan of the long game, especially for women I genuinely enjoy spending time with. No point in burning any bridges and I get a free call option for later.
Consider two Hollywood screenwriters: one is fresh out of school and knows no one, or almost no one, in the business, but he’s written a couple of screenplays and, for the sake of this hypothetical, he’s got some talent. He gets to Hollywood and what’s he going to do? He’s got no connections anywhere in the business, although he’s read lots of those memoirs about how other guys made it, so he sends his screenplays to every single player out there. Writers, directors, agents. The vast majority don’t reply, and he doesn’t get even a rejection. Damien Chazelle, Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, all the Hollywood “Chrises,” Ari Gold, they all say “no” by saying nothing. Somehow, though, someone bites, a little… Jonah Hill let’s say… and Hill or Hill’s people like the SF action pitch—reminds them a little bit of a modern Pitch Black, but could the writer make it funny, too? Maybe they’ll pay him a little bit for this, but, compared to the work he’s doing teaching spoiled brats the SAT and waiting tables, it’s a lot of money. He has no idea how to make it a comedy but he starts work, cause what else is he going to do? His other screenplays go nowhere. He starts a novel at the same time.
Then there’s our other screenwriter. He’s in the business… maybe he got in through family connections, a working writer in a school saw potential in him, he got lucky, whatever. He knows some people in the business, and he’s been working on a screenplay that he knows will be right for someone, let’s say Chazelle for purposes of this hypothetical. He’s already met Chazelle at industry functions, maybe done a little blow with him in a bathroom, whatever. Both of them think T.C. Boyle’s novel DROP CITY would make a great movie but neither has ever been able to get it made. Our screenwriter says, “You know, we could never do DROP CITY right, but I’ve got a kinda similar story, set in the ’80s though, against the AIDS crisis, we should do it.” Chazelle reads it, likes it, has some suggestions, they work on it together for a while. One or both of them know the right actors for it. Their agents like the project. In effect, our screenwriter #2 is never really rejected. He’s a known quantity to others in the business, working with other known quantities. Now, the project may fall apart… maybe Ryan Gosling hates Chazelle now for some reason… but screenwriter #2’s journey is nothing like screenwriter #1’s. If you ask each about the nature of being a screenwriter, they’ll have wildly divergent opinions.
The application of game to this metaphor ought to be obvious, but since this is the Internet let me spell it out: the raw cold approach guys are #1. They often have limited network/friend circles. They don’t do that much cool shit, or “cool shit” as hot chicks would define it. They’re guys I’m talking to in Parties, and Festivals, parties, etc. and the network’s power, and other things like that. I have some things in common with them because I’ve done some cold approach… but for the past ten or twelve years, it’s not really been my modality… I’ve focused more on sex clubs, which are themselves a kind of network. Sex clubs + non-monogamy are also fun cause I can slot new chicks into that network, if I meet the right chicks and such. I also like doing them.
My in-person game is generally pretty terrible (i.e. cold approach), but from time to time situations arise organically that make me feel comfortable hitting on girls in public spaces. Last summer, we had street shutdowns that essentially turned into 24/7 block parties. On Friday and Saturday nights, people would come out and gather, and there was a guy who used to run a mobile DJ unit, dragging around a PA system on a little trolley. DJs die after a sufficient period of time without music and attention, like an animal denied water, so I understood why he did what he did. I’d befriended him after multiple run-ins in different parks, joining in on his impromptu dance parties. I saw him playing and called out to him as he was walking away with two girls in tow, though it was early for a threesome. I was with a small crew of around 8 people just out and about drinking and enjoying ourselves on the streets. The DJ and I began chatting and immediately the two girls with him started berating me for not wearing a mask. For clarity, I’m pro-mask, pro-vax, but within reasonable contexts. By last summer, it was clear that being outside was totally safe without masks, especially with the low COVID #’s where I was.
That said, I’m almost as annoyed by the blindly pro-mask as I am by the blindly anti-mask. I love to fuck with people (hence this website, and me being on Twitter), so my knee-jerk reaction was to go into character as an anti-mask Trump nut. I like this character even more given that my outward appearance makes it confusing for people. I began ranting about how masks were stupid and that COVID was a hoax created by the government to control people. I have become a particular fan of the rhetorical style of a now-famous whistleblower who goes by the moniker “Q” and whose identity remains anonymous. I sprinkled in some lines like, “follow the money”. “Who benefits”. “The storm is coming”. And tried not to break character or laugh for a good five minutes. Think of Sasha Baron Cohen as Da Ali G or Borat. Being good liberals, they took this as an opportunity to engage with a lost sheep and see if they could bring him back to the flock. Eventually I couldn’t keep the comedy going and dropped the rhetoric. This would probably fit into the idea of “push-pull.” There was an immediate connection once I started speaking normally and explained the nuances of my view, that I didn’t feel the need to wear a mask outside but did wear one indoors in public spaces. I could’ve said, “Masks are like condoms, everyone says they always use them, but will make an exception this one time.” They were both Indian doctors, and so were pro-authority and erring on the side of caution, and they believed I needed to show data to prove that wearing a mask was safe, while I viewed the proof as self evident based on the lack of a spike in cases post BLM protests (I wonder if gonorrhea cases rose: protesting seems to have a strong hookup component, after the protest). As this debate evolved, a few pieces of logistics fell into place.
Xbtusd is back with more tales from the game.
My buddy is a successful Asian guy, in his 30s, and he winds up at a party with a bunch of Gen Z types, college and just post-college, who are there presumably doing what people try to do: hook up. My buddy’s wearing some very distinctive, polarizing things that also help conversation flow: he’s peacocking, in other words. His outfit helps him open a bunch of chicks, and some chicks even open him. Peacocking is an interesting strategy… I think peacocking needs to come off as both playful and masculine. The gap between “playful” and “goofy” can be narrow, but even goofy can work if the guy can transition to masculine dominance and identity. (Red Quest hasn’t done a lot of peacocking, he says). I’d guess that guys who peacock hard, like Mystery did, also need strong killer instinct and sexual vibe, otherwise they get friendzoned like I believe my buddy did. But he really friendzoned himself, by not acting on the girls expressing interest.
I’m going to bring race into the discussion, but also acknowledge that race serves as a proxy for a lot of things. I don’t want the discussion to get hung up on race in particular. Asian men are desexualized in American culture, black men are hypersexualized. Be aware of how you present. If you’re short, you might have to make up for that by being a little more masculine in other ways. If you’re Asian, you’re going to want to stay away from things that reinforce the stereotypes women already have about Asian men. Thus, when peacocking, you want to make sure you stay far from goofy, and do things that attract attention but in a masculine way. Maybe more in the vein of BDSM style gear. Race is just one factor for how women perceive you before you open your mouth, but it’s an important one.
According to my buddy, one hot girl was particularly interested, but he never tried to bang her, let alone kiss her. Wait, what—why? I ask him. He doesn’t entirely know. Is he afraid of the girl saying no? When I was young and dumb(er), I was afraid of “no.” He may be in effect friendzoning himself, if he doesn’t make the move. From my gf’s report, my buddy and the hot girl’s energy quickly grew into friend energy. The two of them became part of the project to facilitate my gf hooking up with a guy at the party she thought was hot. Having a shared project can be a fantastic narrative to allow you to bond with a woman, but you have to make sure the context of the shared project isn’t “friends,” but romantic partners who are building sexual chemistry. Escalation is key, in particular touch. Timing is critical, because the window can close quickly. Chicks are capricious, so when her buying temp is high, act.
Was he afraid to kiss her? I think he would say no, he’s not afraid of “no.” I think he is afraid of no.Continue reading “Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself”
I was at an unbelievable, aspirational, can’t-believe-people-live-like-this party last week, thrown by a relatively new friend who lives in a stunning, straight-out-of-Architectural-Digest Brownstone with a stage/amphitheater built into the backyard and hot tub on the roof of the second floor looking into the backyard. The main event was a backyard concert featuring a South American band led by stunningly beautiful women. The host and owner has constructed an incredible universe and filled it with the exact kind of people one wants to spend one’s life around, including “Madison.” The party had the energy of freshman year of college, that first week when everyone is open to meeting new people. Strangely, for this type of event, no one there seemed to know each other. The party started an hour before showtime, so when I arrived everyone was already mingling and getting to know each other.
At one point during the show I was crowded close enough to where Madison stood that it would have been more awkward not to introduce myself, so I did and the conversation naturally flowed. She had an effervescent personality, and we immediately clicked. She was in town from the West coast and wanted tips on what to do while she was in the city. We eventually migrated indoors to have a little more privacy. The conversation quickly moved into intimate topics like sex, sexuality, and non-monogamy. Unsurprisingly she was in an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship, and like most of the sluts I know was bi-sexual.
Around this point my gf joined us and the three of us hit it off.Continue reading “A threesome saga: energy & vibe”
Xbtusd is back, with another essay about how top guys think about dating and pursue non-monogamy.
I just got word from a long term threesome partner, Anna, that she will be in town in a few weeks, and we scheduled a date. My relationship with Anna makes me think about how different RQ’s experiences are from mine, and how different mine are from the average guy. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into Anna, planting a seed and nurturing it as it grew. When the pandemic struck, Anna moved to another city to ride it out with her boyfriend. During lockdown, the four of us played online games together. When I went out of the country for the winter, I kept in touch regularly via IG, commenting on her life and sharing mine with her. A lot of red pill commenters would probably say this is “beta,” or “soft”, or “cucked.” Is it? I don’t know, or really care. Human relationships are worth creating and maintaining for their own sake; treat people as instruments and you will become an instrument to them, to be discarded when your use is fulfilled. I don’t like fucking women I don’t know well and connect with as a person. Sex gets better the deeper you connect, not to mention that women need to trust you to fully to let go and have the best sexual experience possible. Want to fuck a girl in the ass? Tie her up? Cum on her face? Treating her like you like her helps, but liking her is exponentially better.
I first met Anna years ago at a sex party. Continue reading “Doing it differently (Playing the long game)”
XBTUSD shines a light in the darkness of the cave, revealing what guys are missing as the scramble around in the dark, cutting their hands and mistaking pain for enlightenment.
Most sex happens in a highly social context, and most “highly social contexts” involve some kind of community—yet no one writing online talks about communities, how they form, what sustains them, how they splinter, or what value they have.
Let’s take a simple example: when I was an undergrad, I joined a fraternity. My path to joining wasn’t certain, and I didn’t plan to join until the week the decision had to be made. Initially, I saw fraternities as a way for people without social skills to “buy” a group of friends: frats had dues, and if you paid, you had a guaranteed set of dudes to get drunk and try and fuck girls with. I was lucky enough to live in mixed-age housing my freshman year and became friends with one of the BMOC (“big man on campus”) seniors who lived in my dorm. He was in one of the “cool” frats (one of the ones hot girls spent time at), and over a number of conversations he convinced me that I had it all wrong, and that I should just join, as there was little downside. He correctly pointed out the downside of joining was that if I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to spend any time there, or could de-pledge if I felt strongly enough. I’d lose the frat dues, which weren’t zero, but that wasn’t a great loss for me at the time. I decided to join and a lot of what I know about community comes from that experience. Most Americans live alienated, isolated lives, and frats are the exact opposite, which explains why so many guys have a great time in school and an unhappy time after. Continue reading “How to build communities and find tribe”
Almost every male and female in a modern dating context is doing some form of a dance: women want an escalator relationship towards marriage, and men want to avoid committing for a long as possible. Men enjoy the pre-label part of the relationship and women get value and security out of the label. Breeze’s post and Nash/RQ’s comments brought up some interesting points about this age-old topic: should a guy get out in front of things and confront the inevitable and have the talk, or should you avoid the talk and build tension, as Nash suggests? I strongly side with RQ and Lucas Bly, but Nash’s comments added another distinction. I’ve heard many in TRP communities argue that those who have the talk aren’t skilled, can’t hold tension, and are essentially pussies for giving in to what the woman wants and losing the frame. But Nash’s comment that he offers up, “I am your lover” made me realize we all might actually be agreeing here.
There’s value in building and holding tension, but only if it is inevitably released. Good standup is setup, punchline, build tension, release tension, and good seduction should have a similar cadence. Those who say you can avoid “the talk” altogether come off as those that haven’t spent much time around women and are LARPing. The talk is inevitable, so how can we approach it from a Red Pill frame. We have to lead. Create the frame, and let her step into it.
TRQ has a great post on the book Warrior King Magician Lover. Continue reading “XBTUSD’s take on “the talk” a woman gives when she wants to advance the relationship”
A continuation of XBTUSD’s previous post, “Setting the non-monogamous frame and intention with women.”
My first (planned) group sex experience was a sex party that was relatively easy to get into, and relatively easy to find (the attendees were not that hot: which may not be a coincidence). It’s possible to find sex parties with two minutes and a search engine. I went with my girlfriend at the time and two other couples, and all we did was have sex with each other in a setting where other people were having sex with each other. It was disorienting to be having sex next to other people. I couldn’t cum because I was so distracted by being on an uncomfortable bed, and feeling like people were judging my sexual performance. Later, I learned that people are concentrating on their own experience, not on “judging me:” I was having a spotlight effect problem. Most people care about themselves, not about you, and letting go of the spotlight effect enables a better, more adventurous life. Luckily, I didn’t have trouble getting or staying hard, but it was surprising how nerve wracking it was (many guys use drugs like Cialis to give themselves a boost). I highly suggest doing something like this before you have a threesome or foursome to get some practice in a context where there are more people present than just your female partner.
It’s always the man’s job to lead, and to make the women feel comfortable, safe, and allow them to push their limits. Ideally, prior to the “event”, you should have an adult conversation where you talk about boundaries, things you’d like to try together, condoms, etc. Maybe I’ll write up a topic list in a future post. This convo should happen in a social setting like a bar, not the place you’re going to have sex (maybe not even on the same night as the group sex) so that it doesn’t kill the vibe/spontaneity of the actual sex. The more experienced the participants, the less this applies, because you can have the conversation during sex or right before. Once you know people’s desires/boundaries, you can push a lot harder because you don’t have to worry you might push too far. It’s also good to know people’s experience levels so you can tailor the energy level based on the experience levels of those in a group. Don’t do varsity level shit with most beginners. If she loves the first time, ramp up the next experience.
In a foursome (two men two women) you have a bit of a conundrum because we know that the man should lead (you), but there are two men. Should it be you or the other guy? The answer doesn’t really matter as much as some think, as long as the women feel like everything is moving naturally. The girls don’t want to feel uncertainty around leadership, so it’s important to either plan out, prior to the event, who’s going to lead between the two men, or, if one of you is more dominant than the other, defer to that. Also, if you’re in one or the other’s home, it’s natural to defer to the one whose home you’re in.