How I started learning the game and seduction

If there is one thing I have learned about chicks, it’s that most guys lack masculinity and chicks are hungry for masculine guys. So much of “the game” is about how to be a masculine guy. That’s 90% of the game, the rest being logistics, approaching, etc. Chicks yearn to express their essential femininity, but they need a guy w/ masculine polarity to achieve that, and most guys can’t or won’t do that any more.

There are two main ways I can write my early story… one way is to make a “Journey of the mythic hero” story following Joseph Campbell’s schema, which is compelling to readers but, in my case, less honest than the real answer, which is that I’ve learned game/seduction by muddling through, learning bits and pieces of things here and there, and not having real confrontations with demons or the underworld… my story has also been pretty bereft of benevolent helpers (think of the Obi-wan/Yoda role in Star Wars, or Gandalf/Strider in The Lord of the Rings), probably to my detriment. When I was younger, I of course had lots of talks with guys (and some girls) about how to get chicks, date, have sex, etc., but those talks were typical haphazard ignorant bluster, with more myth than reality guiding us. Even the termination of my longest-term relationship was not a very low point, because I had become mentally, logistically, financially, and psychologically ready for it before it happened… I think it was a much lower point for my ex than for me. I also try to keep my material needs restrained, which is a useful way of buying freedom. Every time you spend money, you are also buying your way a bit closer to bankruptcy… I internalized that notion early on, and it has rewarded me. When other guys are spending stupid money to impress chicks… I’m trying NOT to do that.

My origin story doesn’t start with consciously learning seduction and the game, because when I “started” in high school and college The Game didn’t exist and guys like me tried our best more or less on our own, or listening to our friends’s bad seduction advice. I had to try and understand chicks by looking at their (inconsistent) actions and by listening to their (self-justifying, inaccurate) talk. Naturally, I noticed that what chicks said and what they did differed (one example), but I also had bad game with hot chicks and inadvertently good game with so-so chicks. With hot chicks, I’d put myself in the friend zone, orbit for weeks or months at a time, be scared to make a move, be scared to make her mad, agree with everything she said. This worked about as well as you’d imagine.

With so-so girls, though, I’d run hot-cold, be indifferent, be a cocky asshole, etc., and in this way I had more sex and sexual experiences than the average high school guy, although still not a lot (like 6 – 7 total). Big exception to this was one very hot girl toward the end of my senior year of high school who I did my usual orbiting thing with, but she was ready to make sexual debut before college (get some experience under her belt) and, in hindsight, I believe she selected me because I was a pretty safe, pretty okay choice to get some sexual experience with. That was a good read on her part, and we “dated” until we left for separate schools. Often, a guy’s first hot chick relaxes him psychologically, because he realizes that hot chicks are still humans and that, realistically, ten seconds before he blasts in her, how much better is she than a somewhat less hot chick who is still acceptably pretty? Right. Many guys spouting opinions online have only spent significant time with zero or one chick, and it shows. Spend a lot of time with a wide array of chicks and you won’t dislike chicks, who have their own problems, problems a lot of inexperienced guys don’t understand or appreciate.

Hot chicks have insecurities, weaknesses, dreams, desires, etc., just like everyone else, and when you’ve been f**king one for a while, her beauty, while still powerful, is not so overwhelmingly intoxicating. Guys also realize if they can get one hot chick, they can get another. Hot chicks also know, usually subconsciously, that when they date a guy, they are communicating to all other hot chicks, “this one is good.” F**king one hot chick will often lead to f**king the next one.

Today, I’m actually not sure I’m “good” at game… certainly wasn’t in high school. But by the time I was in early college, I knew I needed to make a stronger effort to be more social, and I’ve kind of been doing that ever since, though it’s a fight against some of my natural introvert tendencies. Like any logical guy, I realized that I am not going to get laid by hanging out in my room reading. Beyond that, it’s just been reading, observing, and trying to apply what I read and observe. Starting with The Game, around the time it came out. And The Red Queen. I also paid attention to the world around me… often, the hotter the guy, the better he did, and that kept me into intense physical activity. I read many of the pickup and seduction blogs that appeared after THE GAME… lurking only… I thought about writing one myself but worried, correctly, that it would suck up too much time and affect my work and work habits.

I’m getting out of order. Jumping back in time, before THE GAME, when I started college, I managed to get with a fairly attractive chick pretty quickly, and that introduced me to the idea of network effects, although I didn’t know the term. Today, some of my game is still about networks and network effects… this is why sex clubs and non-monogamy work for me: I can bring in new chicks, which most guys can’t, which gives me status/reputation, so that I can bang more of the high-libido chicks who have already been filtered. In school, the guy who gets the reputation for getting chicks, tends to get more chicks. The more you try, the better you get. Chicks can tell a guy who is good with women from a guy who isn’t. Competence is attractive to chicks, and in some ways I’ve been working on competence my whole life. Competence alone isn’t enough, as nerdy engineer and programmer guys know… it needs to be competence, but also social competence, and chicks today value social competence more than they value being a top engineer.

“Focus on competence” underlies You only see the tip of the spear. And it underlies how it often takes ten years to succeed overnight. The game is not that hard for most guys, but I bring this up because guys who succeed young are usually a) good looking, b) athletic (or musical, or some other talent/skill), c) naturally outgoing, or d) don’t take rejection hard, so they persisted in the face of rejection. When younger, I would spend weeks or sometimes months moping because some hot chick rejected me… I was too dumb to know that I should really thank a chick who firmly rejects me, because I can move on to other chicks. I also thought that if I just showed a chick how much I like and care for her, she would like me back (in fact, the opposite is almost always true). So I had some pathologies and some strengths. The pathologies were sufficient to help me understand many of the problems guys have, and The Red Quest helps address those pathologies.

I was sensitive to rejection when I was younger… I had to get over that. Most guys are rejected by most chicks most of the time. I won’t say I am now absolutely totally immune from the sting of rejection… but I recognize it as part of the process, like the good pain from lifting heavy objects. I also figured out that chicks, particularly young hot chicks, like hot guys, so that kept me involved with various forms of athletics, which are both personally satisfying on a visceral, physical level, and satisfying because the results help attract and retain chicks. It seems like most guys in the game, writing about the game, are cerebral bookworms who don’t get the physical, tangible world. Or those guys aren’t even bookworms and are instead damaged, ignorant men with neither good bodies nor good minds. Chicks are physical, tangible creatures, and they like hot guys both for aesthetics and because they know how guys are better in bed, have good stamina, can throw the chick around, etc. There is the book by Geoffrey Miller, What Women Want, that chicks want a “tender defender:” a guy who is strong and competent, maybe potentially scary to other guys, but who is tender to the individual chick and who uses his strength to gratify her sexually without hurting her physically. Being into sports helps a guy develop into that physically, while also growing him psychologically by putting him into adverse conditions and making him perform.

Over time in college I got a system together for getting with chicks, involving chitchat, social circle questions, and inviting them over for a beer and a movie. Pretty simple, but I racked up a decent number of chicks/lays that way from my late sophomore year on, as I figured out that rejection is okay. I was also working in chick-friendly jobs, so that was a good source of chicks and caused me to write, “Don’t be too eager to get a corporate job and wear a suit [Career][lifestyle].” Most conventional jobs yield very little access to hot chicks and are filled with guys and fat/old women, so, when you’re young, and if you can afford it, you’re not going to be bad off taking jobs in bars/restaurants, tutoring centers, pools, etc. that are likely to yield easy access to lots of hot chicks. Like all college students and 20-something guys I didn’t appreciate that my peers and everyday life brought me into natural contact with tons of young hot chicks, something that stops happening after age 30, when access to young hot chicks has to happen online or with a lot more engineering.

I took a hiatus from game for a long stretch in my 20s, but even during that hiatus I didn’t stop doing sports, I didn’t stop reading, and I was actively working to build my career. Over time I was working to just understand the female mind and understanding how to appeal to chicks. In school I was taught that men and women are the same. To seduction guys, to Red Pill guys reading this now… I’m sure you’re laughing. But I think the same things are taught today. A lot of guys get confused when they find chicks aren’t attracted to the exact same things guys are attracted to, and that chicks have evolved to have somewhat different preferences.

I’ve also had to learn to tame some nerd tendencies, because chicks really do just want to have fun, and if you can be the fun guy, chicks will want to f**k you. I would love to discuss philosophy, books, public policy, theory of the firm, things like that, with chicks, but 98% of chicks don’t want that… chicks just want stories about your life, about her life, interpersonal gossip, personality discussion, flirting. 90% of celebrity gossip is consumed by chicks… look at chick websites and magazines… they’re all about looking cute, gossip, getting a man, etc. So I’ve learned to re-frame my conversational topics… chicks will do some idea talk, but only after a lot of sex and after they’re well into my frame. Brain topics are good once a chick has already decided she likes you sexually. They don’t substitute for visceral attraction. Ideally, I have a couple stories from within the last month or two that will appeal to a chick’s sensibility. About a party, a drama between friends, those kinds of things. What kinds of things I’ve learned. I have “just learned” about massage in a bunch of different months… it’s a handy thing to have “just learned about.” There are others.

Chicks are so heavily into “feelings” and “interpersonal relationships.” Even intelligent/intellectual chicks want to be made to feel feminine by a high-status guy. The number of chicks who are really into abstract/cerebral topics is very small. Smart chicks will want to go there, but after a guy has shown himself to be fun and masculine.

Most chicks LOVE sex but are also kind of afraid of it and guys. It is hard to underestimate the underlying psychological fear inside most chicks’s heads. I try to alleviate it… most chicks are amazed by that effort, because I don’t think most guys “get” how fearful chicks are. Chicks get slut-shamed by society, they are justifiably worried about sexual assault, they are worried about what their friends will think… most chicks love a guy who is sex positive, who doesn’t shame them, who can alleviate their own anxieties. Today that means a guy who can be present and who isn’t on his smartphone 24/7 and who thinks social media is for girls and that what happens online doesn’t matter. I try to get chicks to focus on the here and now and to be as honest with me as they can about what they want sexually. Chicks seem confusing to guys because chicks are also confusing to themselves. Weird, right?

Chicks want to come… they want good sex… they want guys… they just have a biologically wired urge to try and make guys prove themselves, and to put barriers up to sex. I focus on the “chicks want good sex” thing and de-emphasizes the barriers and the nature of female psychosis. Guys who seem to have trouble with chicks reverse those two things… they focus on barriers and competitions, rather than the innate drive to sex.

So I guess “practice” and “trial and error” is a lot of where my “game” came from. And building underlying value, where possible. I’m still building it, in the body and mind. Probably will keep doing it, until I die.

To be me, part of the game is just extending a lot of leads and seeing who’s into it. Being a little bit flirty in a deniable way. Like I said, chicks really do want to be with hot guys who aren’t going to sexually shame the chick… that seems to be pretty rare. I had some problems with internalized feelings of sexual shame around female sexuality when I was younger, but those are absent now.

I have also learned to try and work with my own personality, not against it… that means making my nerdy personality more flirty. Or, and I have used this example before, I’m not musically inclined, so I don’t use playing an instrument and going to concerts/music events in the game, even though those kinds of things seem to work really well for some other guys. I do try to tap into a chick’s dream-state and to get her out of her everyday, logical and stressed-out state.

Along the way I picked up The Game (the book)… I discovered some online writers, many of whom are in the sidebar right now… that gave me a lot more theory, which fed into my practice, and helped me with some sticking points and taught me about ideas like “shit tests” and that sort of thing. I also got more into the idea that it is possible to meet chicks randomly, in a “cold” environment. I built up some “warm” environments for meeting chicks, which helped, but I got a bit better at just chatting up chicks at coffee shops, places like that.

Today, I actually do quite a bit of somewhat “indirect” openers, like with Bike Girl, and am not a big “direct” opener most of the time. This girl was a more direct opener, because of the environment.

Today, I’m also trying to practice the things that I know lead to high value and good outcomes. It seems I am also in a better environment than many guys. Being in a rural or suburban area is poison to game. Being in an urban area with one and ideally two decent bars within walking distance is amazing. Today, some urban areas have hot chicks in them, and universities do, and that’s it. Most chicks don’t take care of themselves and they default to getting fat early. Hot chicks over age 30 are just too rare. The older the guy, the more he has to think about his pipeline for chicks age 20 – 30, who are in prime territory, as he is not likely to default into them. The average chick is also fat and thus invisible to me.

Most guys just don’t go all the way. They can’t or won’t. So they don’t succeed. I am weird because I have gone further and farther than most guys bother. I think I am fairly actualized, as a person… now I am thinking about how to help the next generation become actualized.

I actually think I like the sex-club world because there’s a kind of algorithmic approach to it… you find another couple you like, you chat with them, excuse yourself to get more drinks, and later on you can ask if they want company, then proceed from there.

I write many long posts on many subjects because it’s not possible to answer completely and honestly in shorter spaces. So many guys seem to be giving and taking game advice from Twitter, which has its place, but it’s way too hard to reach the necessary depth in a small number of characters.

I’m not convinced I’m really up there in daygame terms with the advanced guys; I have just figured some stuff out and set up some systems that work for me. The various things I do (online, cold approach, some ecosystem, non-monogamy) work together and complement each other well. I didn’t exactly set out to these things, but they began coming together as I tried out various routes and realized that no single route works best for me. Guys like Krauser and Tom Torero, who seem to only do cold approach… I admire them, but I also lack their tenacity, in some ways. Doing hundreds of truly cold approaches… it seems super time consuming, and I don’t see that many attractive chicks wandering around on a given day. I’m not a great daygamer and would rate my skills as advanced beginner / low intermediate. I just don’t have the practice. I do have expert-level skills in one or two areas (outside of game and women), so I know what expertise feels like. I also know I don’t have that expertise in daygame. I still stumble over words, can’t quite decide what to say/do next, don’t speak fluently, etc. Not all the time; with this chick I was on, granted that she also made it easy and was out to meet guys.

And I’ve definitely hit some pitfalls, especially around 1. One-itis, 2. Expecting chicks to be logical instead of random, and 3. Thinking in my mid-20s that I should somehow find a “good” girl and get settled w/ her. I’ve definitely missed some common pitfalls organically / through luck, most notably marriage, getting fat/complacent, thinking women are angels, and probably one or two others. Even my one-itis problems were less extreme than some guys’s one-itis. Some guys make themselves a random hot chicks bitch for years and years… I didn’t do that, though I have some embarrassing stories from my teens.

People also tend to get out what they put in. People who put in extreme effort, tend to get out extreme results. Those who don’t, don’t. Many hot young chicks don’t put in extreme effort and suffer for their lack of effort as they move through life. Hot chicks who ghost, act bitchy, etc…. that’s an external manifestation of their internal problems. Yes, I would still like to f**k those chicks, but they are the ones who suffer. Trick is to allocate attention correctly.

Like most normal men, I admire guys with deep skills I lack, and that is why I link to many daygamers in the sidebar. The main domain where I have skills/experience most guys seem not to have, or to have developed, is in leveraging the non-monogamy scene in game, so my aim has been to discuss more of that and less of the things I lack expertise in. If I didn’t have some other things going for me, I would probably do a lot more daygame because I would have to.

There is no “moment of clarity” for me. For a lot of guys, that happens because of divorce, because of their one-itis getting banged by some hot guy, because they look in the mirror one day and see a fatass who has been playing video games for the last three years solid, because their “one and only” girlfriend leaves them. I’ve missed most of the very deep bottoms. I like the game because I am curious about how the world works, and because it has taught me things I likely wouldn’t have learned on my own. A couple thousand guys have found this site via search engines, and in that batch I hope there are a couple who have learned how to improve their own lives. We exist on this planet for a very short time, too short to suffer so many bad relationships. But, by historical standards, the world is changing very quickly. From 1900 to 2019 the world has changed in almost unbelievable ways. The things our parents or grandparents did, may not be the right things for us to do.

Most of the “bad” things women do to or with men… are only possible because guys enable them. If a guy withdraws attention and stays away from a woman who is not going where he wants, a lot of the “problems” one reads about will go away. Women thrive on attention.

If I write a book about how to be a man and achieve greater dating success, this post will probably be the introduction. It might be my only other major Red Pill work.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

17 thoughts on “How I started learning the game and seduction”

  1. This post would be a very good introduction to that book, if not the first chapter. You write with insight, candour and (the aspect I appreciate above all) humility. If I wrote a book about my player’s journey it would be mostly smh-worthy tales of hapless bungling, low standards and missed golden opportunities. Let’s just say I’m a slow learner. But I’m getting the hang of it now, thanks to you, Nash, Xsplat and several others. Keep on keeping on!


    1. However slow a learner you are, what’s the alternative? There is none. Sure, it would have been nice to start the good habit, whatever it is, ten years ago… but today that’s not an option. Now is better than tomorrow, even if yesterday would have been better than now.


      1. You are correct, and I get to improve each day, which is motivating in itself, whatever one is trying to accomplish. It seems the really good players (for want of a better word) look down from the summit with a mixture of pride and an “Is that all there is?” kind of feeling. Then they get married. I’ve already done the settled down thing and ejected, so I know it’s no better than being a player, although for a time it can be mighty comfortable. Monogamy clouded a lot of my younger years, but I’ve been there, done that, and I know I don’t need to do it again. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.


      2. I mean, it also depends on how old you are. I think a lot of this moves in 5 – 10 year epicycles. People who are players for ten years, they get tired of the atomizing and rootless experience. People who are monogamous for ten years, they get tired of the monotony and dealing with one person’s shit. It’s not that one is better… it’s that many humans want to oscillate between those a couple times in their lives.


      3. it’s that many humans want to oscillate between those a couple times in their lives.

        That’s my pattern. Living together with one person and being monogomous for a while, then eventually periods of multiple girlfriends and new dates again.

        Right now I’m not much actively meeting new girls because of still being in the “new car smell” stage of a live-in relationship – just over a year. We talk about bringing in new girls to our bed, and even a full time live in 2nd girl to play with, but so far it’s just talk. That would be a preferable direction to me than an unstable n0n-monogamy of girls rotating in and out. My habit and innate style leads almost always to mate-bonding with the girls, and we all get very attached, so non-monogamy and drama and heartbreak are a coin. Tired of flipping that coin again and again.

        Not sure if there will be more or less drama with more girls in the same bed, and maybe even living under the same roof, instead of taking turns. I want to find out.


    2. I have thought about writing a memoir-type book, but even the book about sex clubs & non-mono, which is FREE, has not done THAT well…… leading me to think the readership is not really there.

      And it’s a much more valuable, how-to-type book, rather than me rambling about youthful failures, and some relatively lucky youthful successes. Actionable, rather than rambling… and enough people have downloaded it to be interesting, but not enough to make me think, “There’s really a true audience for this.” Like, I don’t think I’ve seen it reviewed/discussed anywhere, by anyone, except magnum…


  2. Thanks for sharing your unique story in how you go to be where you are. To me it’s impressive how you missed all the standard pitfalls that snare so many other men by this age. That longevity alone creates a unique perspective….thanks for putting it out here for everyone.


    1. To be sure, I hit a bunch of pitfalls… including lots of one-itis, lots of supplicating, lots of failure to escalate. But I think I did, from an early age, have a commitment to doing things that work and discarding things that don’t. So once I figured out that supplicating and friend-zoning myself was stupid, I worked to stop doing those things. I also had a hard time getting used to rejection.

      In reality, rejection is liberating: it means you can thrust the girl from your life and mind, because in the overwhelming majority of cases, she’s not available for me. It took a long time for me to formulate “Attention is the only tool men have” as a principle, but now I think it’s the most important post I’ve written, as almost everything else I’ve written is subsidiary to that principle.

      I did miss marriage and premature LTRs, or LTRs that just go on way too long, so that’s definitely an improvement over a lot of guys. I also never let go of sports/fitness. Lately injury has been preventing me from reaching my goals in that domain, though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m intrigued by this idea, so I’ll go ahead and post my own journey, though I’ll try to keep it short. Quickly I’d like to acknowledge that I really enjoy reading your thoughts on game and see you as a mentor, though I’m guessing we’re around the same age?

    So yeah, I can safely say I got into game when The Game came out. Before that I got laid occasionally and had one LTR, but that was basically because I’m fairly good looking and was an athlete in college (exactly as you said).

    What’s crazy is reading the Game worked for me. I started to go on dates, immediately got a girlfriend, then ended up sleeping with a few other girls (including one of her hot friends)… before I met my ex-wife. At that time she was the hottest, smartest woman I’d ever met and the fact she was into me sealed the deal. I totally fell into the blue-pill fantasy and proposed to her 9 months after we met, married her less than a year later. FML.

    We separated late in 2016, and though I still knew some game techniques, I thought it would be easy to get online and meet girls–turns out in my area: no. For one, Tinder and Bumble had passed their prime already, but two, I was overweight and my pictures showed it. I guess that’s why the mantra of TRP: “lift” resonates so powerfully with me–it’s just a fact guys: if you’re not in at least decent shape, it’s going to be EXTREMELY difficult to be consistently successful with women, and if you can be in great shape, you’re head and shoulders above most other guys, which is a tremendous advantage.

    Long story short: for the first year to year and a half post-divorce, my love life sucked. I went on some dates with girls I met online, but the truth is you’re only as good as your pictures, and my pictures sucked, even when I began to lose weight as a result of lifting and keto, I still didn’t have good ones, because I don’t go around taking pictures of myself all the time and have zero sensibilities with a camera. Granted, I could (still) learn to do this (something I know you’ve referenced), but it was at this time I switched over to cold-approach, and the results were so much better I haven’t bothered.

    If you can’t tell, I FUCKING hate SOD (swipe/online dating). There are a lot of reasons for this, but the basic fact is that for men, unless you’re truly Chad 10.0, are always operating from a frame of neediness/scarcity, while women (especially the hot ones) are operating from a frame of DGAF/abundance. I like pick-up because the girls I meet that way are much hotter, and it makes me work on my game consistently IRL, which makes converting dates into lays extremely easy. Anyway, I get that for some guys SOD works, and if it does, good on you—but if it doesn’t, seriously guys, A) hit the gym, and B) learn cold approach. It’s life changing.

    Getting back to my arc, 2018 was pretty crazy. Started with me banging a girl I met online NYE—dumped her cause I met a hotter one through social circle game, then got the third of that year online (no, the online girls weren’t that hot: 6’s, but hey, I needed to get laid). In May I had a revelation when I cold approached a girl (HB8) who was 21, number closed, then had sex with her on the first date… at my parent’s house.

    After this point, all the girls I talk about are through cold approach.

    Later on, I hooked up with a 22 year-old, had her coming to my apt once a week or so—my first plate. At this time I was doing a ton of approaches, but failing A LOT… I have to say I agree with Torero on that: it really does help to do a ton in a short time frame to get your bearings.

    I had my first straight pull from a karaoke bar in August, second plate… and anyway, I guess I could keep going in detail but I promised I wouldn’t do that.

    Numbers look like this: Sept (3 new girls), Oct (4 new girls—two pulls), November (2 new girls), December (2 new girls), January (2 new girls)… February was my first dry month in terms of closing new girls, but I’ve been spinning two plates I really like and am having basically as much sex as I want given my time constraints (I’m a single dad and have my kid half the time).

    So, like you RedQuest, I can’t say as I’ve had any real life mentors or undertaken any crazy journey, other than I lost a bunch of weight and went from a fat-ass 6’3” to pretty jacked/thin, plus got a whole lot better at game.

    Main lessons/takeaways:

    1) Lift. Stop eating carbs—unless you’re a little guy. In that case get jacked.

    2) Learn cold approach—even if you are getting girls through Tinder. It increases your game exponentially, and I should add that there are a lot of hot girls who aren’t on the sites who are inaccessible if you don’t have that skill.

    3) Fail. Above I’ve listed a lot of successes, but I fail a lot too, and it’s the failures that help me learn the most. For example, I went out to the bars this last Friday and got utterly rejected by every girl I approached. No numbers—nothing. But I realized: A) I wasn’t creating enough polarity or stacking properly and displaying value, and B) the logistics for the evening were flawed. This allows me to learn, and I’ll apply these lessons in my next session.

    4) Don’t be a keyboard PUA—too many guys don’t actually get out there and take action, and that, by far, is worth more than anything you can read online about getting chicks.

    5) At the same time, write field reports and reflect on what you’re doing. Focus especially on your failures and apply Occam’s Razor—the simplest explanation is probably the best.

    6) Don’t make drinking or drugs a big part of game. I know for a fact I’ve fucked up approaches because I wasn’t sharp after having too many beers.

    7) Have a look/archetype, or at the very least, be fashionable.

    8) Maybe most importantly: don’t hate women. Love them. They don’t know why the fuck they’re doing what they’re doing—it’s just instinctual—and it’s our society and culture that makes them toxic, not the true feminine nature.

    To come back to the SOD thing, the above is one of the reasons I hate online game (and social media) so much—it makes women super picky, entitled, and arrogant, because they can literally have dick delivered to them anytime they want it. SOD lowers both the collective value of male attention as well as your individual value as a man, which is why I abstain, even though I know if I spent some time and got better photos I could get some easy lays that way.

    Anyway, I appreciate the forum. I’d start my own blog, but I already have one and I write for a living, so I have to be careful how much time/energy I devote to this stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anyway, I appreciate the forum. I’d start my own blog, but I already have one and I write for a living, so I have to be careful how much time/energy I devote to this stuff.

      Do it if you can; just make it a repository for the responses you leave on other people’s blogs. That way, someone can quickly get a sense of you and your own journey from that central repository.


    1. Realistically, it is very difficult if not impossible to have very small kids and be anything like a player. Well, maybe if you have the money to hire a full-time nanny or something like that, but apart from corner/edge cases it’s not going to happen, if you’re also dealing with kid stuff. The people who think otherwise either haven’t been in the situation or just abandon Mom/kid, which I also think is bad.

      It is possible to have somewhat older kids, when they are more autonomous, and split time w/ the Mom and be a player. Most guys just don’t do this, or can’t.

      I’m interested in co-parenting because it seems obvious to me that a) traditional marriage doesn’t work but all that b) having kids is important and meaningful. How do you square that circle?


  4. I feel you miss what you’ve got that’s different from other writers. Or rather, you’re too focused on the narrow sense – that you’re into non-monogamy and sex parties, which you don’t see anywhere else.

    You’re probably the most mature writer on these subjects that I’ve read. Certainly you have less experience than other writers in cold approach, but you see things way past the superficial level. Take this somewhat rambling post – it is full of insights that can only come from someone who’s experienced, inquisitive and pretty intelligent. The kind of guy who digs reading Meditations or Civil Disobedience.


    As Red Coco before me, I reckon you don’t talk much about your logistics around your children because you’re quite the private person. However, it would be interesting to know more.


    Finally, it seems the idea of wrapping this up is worming its way inside your mind. At the very least, do not kill this blog because it can still be useful even if you don’t update anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s definitely true that I’ve done the non-monogamy thing in ways most other writers have not. That is what made me write the book. But in other ways I am definitely not as advanced…. or I am just more normal, in some ways, as I meet chicks when I’m out and about, and I just meet more chicks in everyday life than it seems like a lot of game guys do.

      I also think that just being screwed up drives a lot of guys towards the game… but if you are screwed up psychologically and/or physically, your way is going to be much harder than if you are NOT screwed up in those ways.

      I may be running out of interesting things to say… a lot of my “basic” experiences seem not that worth reporting on. Like the other day Ms. Slav and I had a foursome with a couple we met off Feeld. Very basic, very enjoyable, not much to report, except that the girl was surprisingly hot. Good experience, no story.

      Child logistics are pretty simple: they spend most of their time w/ their mom, and when that doesn’t happen there is Hotel Tonight. Obviously the age of child matters as you cannot leave a three-year old alone at night. If you have full-time 24/7 custody, then it can be much more complicated/difficult.

      I think I could spend another 5 – 10 years pretty successfully being a player… most young guys need to break away from their families, go find their own way, challenge the world, get laid by random chicks, etc. But when you have done all that… participated in the quest… then I think family rises again in importance. Casual fucking just isn’t doing as much for me as it used to. That is something I didn’t anticipate five years ago…


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