Nobody Cares. Work Harder.

Nobody Cares. Work Harder.” Good advice. I’d argue, “Work harder and smarter.” Dumb people who work hard don’t always succeed.

Accept rejection. When I learned the value of getting to “no” and moving on to the next girl | job | situation, my life got much better.

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“I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life”  

I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life”  is a case study in misplaced priorities. It’s also core Red Pill from start to end. The writer says, “I feel like a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it.” She’s a ghost because around age 35, most women are no longer the primary target for high-status-male attention. Lots of guys will give her a whirl but most will do so as a secondary option. This woman has spent her life partying and is now repenting of that lifestyle. It’s not too late for her, but she will have to understand that she is not who she was at 24.

“I have no family nearby, no long-term relationship built on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no children.” She is looking at women she knows who chose less partying and more pair-bonding and are reaping those rewards.

I’m trying, Polly. I am. I’m dating. I’m working out and working hard. Listening to music I enjoy and loving my cat. Calling my mom. Yet I truly feel like a ghost.

This is almost certainly a lie. There are guys who will go for her. Many 45 – 50-year-old guys would love to get her. But she likely wants the usual: a guy over six feet tall, makes a lot of money, handsome, good in bed, etc., etc., just like the 26-year-old girls she’s competing with.

“On top of that, society is telling me my value as a woman is fading fast, my wrinkles require Botox (reference said poor finances), all the while my manager is asking for me to finish ‘that report by Monday.’ Why bother?” Society isn’t telling her that her value as a woman is fading fast. Evolutionary biology is telling her this. She could have learned as much in university or from reading books, had she not been too busy partying and watching TV.

All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago.

Things change. Women hit peak sexual market value (SMV) sooner than men do (though we all hit it). It’s interesting to watch the whole dating market shift in the late 20s to early 30s. Suddenly, many men experience more dating market power, while many women have to reconcile themselves to relative decline. Decline is wholly predictable based on evolutionary biology, by why read about that when you can read about how great feminism is?

The writer is unhappy because she made choices she now perceives as bad. Bad choices not even the government can save her from. She can vote for socialism, she can hope to take other people’s money, but she cannot salve the wound in her heart.

I feel bad for her. I was thinking about women like her when I wrote, “Catch and release women who want families.” Players with decent game should not run out the clock on women like her, even if they (we) can. Give her some tumbles, then let cut her loose. That is better for the player himself, not just the chick.

Smart, self-aware women understand that their families are more important than getting ecstatic d**k. Somewhat smart, un-self-aware women don’t get that and end up bitter crones and spinsters. This woman still can’t admit, “There are guys who will take me and put a baby in me, but they are older, less wealthy, and less hot than I am used to.” That would be responsibility. She still can’t go there.

Upper-middle-class parenting and education today emphasizes the acquisition of stupid status signifiers, of which many university degrees are examples, at the expense of family and a meaningful life. I have tried to talk to my kids about this, but it’s like speaking into an empty canyon: the entire culture has been working to carve out that canyon. There are limits to what I can do to fix it.

Disagree but be smart about it

I’m happy with intelligent disagreement, as I’ve mentioned before.

The need for intelligent disagreement may be why I’m not very into most Twitter, which seems to encourage the worst in most people, while being too short to be useful as a medium to exchange deep ideas.

It’s sort of like with game advice. I don’t think debating most game advice is very interesting. Hear the advice, go apply it on the streets and in your relationship. Does it work? Keep it. Does it not? Tweak it. Or jettison it. Figure it out for yourself.

I don’t really reply to game haters online, to the extent I see them. Game is about getting what you want out of your life and social relationships. It’s about understanding how women work and think and how to apply that knowledge. For guys who are utterly happy in their life and social relationships, I guess they don’t need game. Guys who are not getting what they want, need game. The ones who need and reject it are most strange to me.

I try to discern what is real and what is fake. Game appears real. So does evolutionary biology (game takes evolutionary biology and applies it to modern social relationships). That is my ideology. Try to understand what is real and true to the best of my abilities.

I know most people who learn of game will never put in the practice to make it work. That’s fine. Most people don’t put the effort into anything. It shows in the quality of their lives.

Try my best to make the world a more joyful place (game does this… women want to be seduced by hot guys).

I don’t like writing about political issues very much because those issues activate partisan identities that shut down learning. Framing an issue as political impairs the reasoning ability of liberals and conservatives. The end result of arguing about political issues is… more argument. By contrast, in fields that have learning and immediate consequences, it’s possible to learn. If a guy learns game, he bangs more hot chicks. He can then tell other guys what worked and what didn’t. If a guy learns data structures and algorithms, he can program a computer to do what he wants it to do. Politics doesn’t have that immediate feedback loop. Not national politics. Maybe some hyper-local politics have that feedback loop.

Moderation is on for this blog, but I approve non-stupid, non-asshole comments. My audience is small enough that I don’t attract haters or trolls.

The best disagreement addresses the substance of the disagreement; the worst is usually name calling, followed by ad-hominem attack, but even the best of us can slip in that direction. Let’s try not to do that.

In business, management is a truly hard problem. It requires listening to criticism, processing it, and being able to use, transform, or discard it. Most people can’t get past their emotional first reactions and into judging the substance of disagreement, taking into account all that is known about the problem area. Few people can do this. Those who can, and who can keep their egos in check during the search for the greater good, often thrive. This is a specialized application of the “disagree, but be smart about it” worldview. Amazon codifies this strategy as “disagree and commit.” Almost every business should adopt this ethos, but few do. How far could we get if we could get our own egos out of the way?

Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving–and the next, less good event

Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving went well, as she enjoyed herself and none of the older women were overtly mean to her. Most entertaining to me were a pair of average teenage boys, one 16 and one 14, both of whom were entranced by Ms. Slav. Despite the small gap in age, there was a giant, overwhelming difference in vibe. Ms. Slav feels like an adult, and she feels older than her age, while the boys are about their age.

Their mom said to me, “I think [the older one] is in love with your date.” We both laughed. She’s a pretty cool woman. Older, heavier, married, and not my type, but one of those women who knows how it is and is okay with it. I like her husband too, and he’s the kind of guy who might buy it once in a while, knowing she doesn’t inquire too closely about what he’s up to.

Ms. Slav wore more clothing than she typically does. I think I’m seen by my friends as enough of a wild man outlier that they’re not surprised by the women I bring to events. I did get some comments about the age gap between Ms. Slav and my own kids, which is something I’ve considered… then thrust out of my mind, into the void. I don’t want to consciously think about it. I do think about Camille Paglia’s statement, “What I see spreading among professional middle-class women is a bitter resentment toward men that is in many cases unjust and misplaced. With divorce so easy since the sexual revolution, women find themselves competing with younger women in new and cruel ways.”

For reasons I allude to at the bottom of this story, I think I’m going to cut back on Ms. Slav. She is amazing in many ways, but she’s actually too wild and too feral for me. I’ve only run into one other girl like that, and the other girl wasn’t quite the same, as she’d go to the party, f**k a bunch of people, guys and girls, pretty indiscriminately, then feel bad about it the next day. She was highly conflicted by what her body wanted when she was horny and what her mind wanted when she wasn’t. Ms. Slav doesn’t experience that common conflict (which is another of the many things that make her uncommon).

I’m pretty discriminating and I like it when the girl goes along with me. Ms. Slav, when she gets in the zone, she will f**k for hours, pretty much whoever wanders by. That’s not appealing to me. I want a more controlled, directed experience, which I usually get because I’m typically more forward than the girl. Ms. Slav is more forward than me. Because she’s hot, every guy will take his shot at her. She’ll accept invitations that she shouldn’t, and she doesn’t quite get the value exchange mode of sex clubs and open relationships,

In my view the basic dynamic of sex parties is guys exchanging hot females with a minimal amount of logistical bother. That’s it. People overcomplicate and overthink this. You have a hot girl. I have a hot girl. Let’s trade. The girl obviously has to like the other guy well enough (or want to fuck the girl).

This is the fundamental dynamic. It’s an exchange of value for value. I get more novelty than I’d have otherwise. You get more novelty than you’d have otherwise. Win-win. Fail to bring the value and you will likely fail at the sex club. Guys who have a bad time of game in general will also have a bad time if they manage to convince their one and only partner to come to a sex club with them.

Ms. Slav offers a lot of value, often without demanding it in return. This attracts a swarm, no, a swarming horde, of horny excited dudes. They sense free value and want to jump right on it, like anyone would pick up a $20 bill on the sidewalk. Normal girls instinctively protect their value, to the point of missing many amazing experiences or running hot then cold. Ms. Slav doesn’t protect her value, to the point of being surprised when other dudes try to corral her, or expect her to f**k them automatically.

That happened last night, when she accepted a ticket to an event from a guy who thought Ms. Slav was his date. Then Ms. Slav asked me to come, and I went with her, while the guy was trying unsuccessfully to mate-guard her. I f**ked Ms. Slav, she went down on another girl, we left the main play area and then the other guy was trying to separate us. Lots of pointless, stupid drama followed, all of which stemmed from Ms. Slav accepting the “gift.” It’s not a gift. For most normal girls, this is obvious. But I think that Ms. Slav thinks, or thought, that the typical problems of jealousy, possessiveness, etc. don’t happen in the non-monogamy world. She is wrong about that, however, and I don’t think I tried to explain this to her. In part because I misjudged her and didn’t realize just how sexually free and voracious she is. At the same time, she misjudges just how ravenous guys are towards hot young chicks. There is always a shortage of hot young chicks. There is always a shortage of guys with good game. The guy who bought Ms. Slav a ticket is pretty attractive. He shouldn’t have the problems he apparently does, but I think he over-relies on the Internet. He may also have the good-looking person problem of being unaccustomed to rejection.

So yeah. I’m not sure I have the energy to manage Ms. Slav. Ms. Slav is a lot like Libido Girl, but even Libido Girl was more sensitive to the wants and needs of normal people than Ms. Slav. That may partly be a function of Ms. Slav’s youth. Libido Girl was about ten years older than Ms. Slav, and she had a lot more life experience.

I feel like I’m trying to figure out what the next ten years of my life should look like. Most of the last ten years have been spent building my career, seducing women, and doing this crazy group sex stuff. The other day, Peaches asked me about my sexual fantasies. The truth is that I have none left, none undone. What I am doing now has its virtues. But I’m thinking about value, both the value I provide and the value I seek. I sense gaps in both. The more I pay attention to this world, the more I think about the movement between value as an abstract concept and a concrete reality.

I’m also trying to write about some of my own inner conflicts. A lot of guys doing cold approach pickup don’t have many inner conflicts: they want to get laid and it’s a victory when they do. That is a fantastic situation. I’m more conflicted right now, and I’m trying to express those conflicts.

Age and players

A while ago Nash wrote,

>>Even if I never again crack open the thighs of a teenage girl, I think I will fuck many more young-20s girls (I’ve fucked a few already in 2018).

Nailing a teenage girl is great for the ego and psychology of an older guy but otherwise overrated (in my view). Ego and psychology boost are great, of course. On average, though, teens are flightier, more boring, and more anxious than girls who are even 20 or 21 and a bit more used to the world of normal sexual interaction and male attention. To be sure, some late teens are psychologically adult. Fewer, it seems, in this generation than in previous ones. It looks like too much time on the phone has stunted the social and psychological development of many teens.

If you’re going to nail chicks that young it is also probably a good idea to hang out near universities. There literally aren’t that many 17 – 19 year old girls around (I list “17” depending on age of consent in a guy’s state/country), so if a guy really wants to go that route, it helps to go where they are.

In my own life, I don’t notice the differences between hot 19 and 23 year olds, and I don’t have so much skirt on hand that I spend a lot of time thinking about the gap. Is she hot? Then I try to bang her. I don’t target tightly by age.

The real important question for a guy in his 40s is about his life. Does he have kids already? Want them? If he wants them, preferably with a sane woman, that should be in the background of his mind. He can easily master the daygame skillset, then have kids, but reality is what it is and a guy’s options for kids will narrow somewhat as he gets older.

I just read, “One of the most important life lessons: if you have no children, the last third of your life will be filled with increasing death. If you have children, the last of your life will be filled with increasing life. Choose wisely.” Most 50+ guys don’t seem to be most obsessed with clacking skirt… they seem most interested in their families. This is not the “last word,” and I’m not and never will be a guy to announce that chasing skirt is somehow meaningless.

Priorities do change. I have seen lots of guys who fucked off in their 20s and 30s suffer for it age 35+, when they have no good jobs, no good community, and few good options. Maybe age 18 – 28 was a wild ride, but then things suck. Some guys who are age 40 may be doing that to themselves. By age 55 or 60 they may want the family they were too busy to have. Will they be 60 and still chasing skirt? Could be.

I think a lot of guys need to get the skirt-chasing out of the way. I’d guess that means a minimum of 30 bangs, maybe 50. At some point diminishing returns likely kick in.

I can’t speak for all guys. Every guy’s situation is different. I’m merely trying to think things through.

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but…

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but on years when I’m not doing kid stuff, I often go to a friend’s Thanksgiving. My friends have a fun house and are very accepting… they invite lots of their friends and family, so the group is always fresh and kind of random.

You can probably see where this is going, and what the stupid thing is. I told Ms. Slav she can come, although I warned her that she would probably be bored because most of the people there will be far older than her and more boring than her. But she doesn’t have anything to do and, while lots of college girls claim they don’t fit in with the rest of the college herd, in her case it is actually true.

I have brought “inappropriate” girls to events before, but this is a new high, or low, for me. Ms. Slav has very good social skills, so I’m not concerned about that. I am looking forward to the feedback from friends afterwords, though. When a single guy brings a hot chick into a world that mostly consists of couples who are close to each other in age, interesting things happen. Usually the women all get their feathers ruffled and their hackles up. They instinctively hate the younger, hotter rival, but social etiquette demands they not be too direct about that hate.

Their real ire, however, is about the example the younger rival sets. All of their boyfriends and husbands are going to look at me and start thinking, “If this guy can pull that hot young girl, can I do it, too?” A few of the guys will be jealous but most of them will be like, “You lucky dog, you.”

I hate the emphasis normal guys put on “Getting lucky.” It isn’t luck, for the most part. It’s skill, diligently applied. With any given interaction, there is a luck element. Like with Ms. Slav, when I opened her about books I had no idea she’d be such a sexual predator. There was luck. But I’ve chatted with hundreds of other girls who went nowhere. Ms. Slav was luck. Chatting up all those other girls… it has elements of skill. All those nights at the gym, days in the pool, sessions in the yoga studio… that isn’t luck.

So we’re going to see how it goes. I’ve warned Ms. Slav and attempted to set very low expectations. Bringing her is in some ways “bad game.” It seems like a nice thing to do, and, because she’s not from the United States, she has limited options.

Too bad I’ve not banged her friend from her home country. That may be back on the table, though. If I walked in with TWO young hot chicks, I would never hear the end of it. That’s okay with me, as I’m “the black sheep” in some ways among people I know who are somewhat close to my own age. But as my friends and colleagues go through their divorces (usually in ages 35 – 45), some of them are coming around to my point of view. One guy I work with had a lot of subtle but noticeable disapproval of me and my life… until his wife wanted a divorce out of the blue. Now he almost wants to be my disciple, which is kind of strange.

Going back to Ms. Slav, I get the sense that most players are living in NYC, LA, London, or other megapolises where almost everyone stays single a very long time and almost no one has kids. My own non-dating social world  is quite a bit different from that.

“The Suburban Mom Thinking About Cheating on Her Husband”

I have a theory: when women can write anonymously, their writing is much more likely to reflect Red Pill principles than when they write under their own names. “The Suburban Mom Thinking About Cheating on Her Husband” is a sex diary and case in point. Like when the writer says, “His name is Tyler, he plays and coaches ice-hockey, and he has two sisters and a brother. It’s not like I’m interested in him in any serious way — I just want to fuck someone new.” And that desire is likely to be indulged at some point. She also claims to have “anxiety,” like 3/4 of women today.

She also admits to cheating on her husband:

She is one of the few people who knows that I cheated on my husband when we were first married. This was back when we lived in New Jersey. I was a new mom, feeling neglected and underappreciated, and what started out as a friendship turned into a hot and heavy affair that lasted an entire summer.

Is kid #2 his? He probably doesn’t want to know. For players, however, this story is useful because it reminds us to give the married chicks a shot. You never know who’s bored until you try.

Sometimes my husband makes my anxiety worse. He just doesn’t know how to handle me. And I know, I am a lot to handle. I get away with it because I’m a hot, skinny blonde who likes to have sex a lot.

The only surprise here is that she admits to her own privilege.

Still, if I were away for a girls’ trip and some hot guy were hitting on me in a bar, I seriously doubt I would say no.

This is why smart guys do not marry chicks who want to do “girls night” and “girls trips.” That’s code for, “it doesn’t count.

She does cook dinners, so that’s something.

This woman and her husband have been together too long and cohabited too closely. This image is just gross: “By the time I open my eyes he’s already in the bathroom doing his morning routine of pooping and showering” and it’s emblematic of what goes wrong, often, in living together.

Looking at the number of “too close to each other” couples, I thinks separate rooms should be more  of a thing. Mystery helps keep the erotic spark alive.