“No Ring, No Baby: How Marriage Trends Impact Fertility”

No Ring, No Baby: How Marriage Trends Impact Fertility” isn’t the usual shit, and in it the author Lyman Stone asks, “So why has marriage declined?” The author gives reasons like “financial need, personal unpreparedness, and lack of a suitable partner. Those last two factors speak to the role of culture.” Then there’s a bunch about culture.

Nowhere is a link to Real World Divorce, which explains, in exhaustive detail, why smart guys don’t marry. Marriage is an extremely high-risk activity for men, and it carries very little commensurate reward. If you want real-world examples, just go talk to pretty much any guy who has ever divorced. My friends have reach the “divorce” stage of their lives. It’s ugly. Many are basically financially fucked for the rest of their lives, or at least for the next two decades.

For guys, it can make sense to marry a woman who makes a lot more money than he does. Most women, however, don’t want to do that.

Our legal system has helped destroy marriage as much as the culture system Lyman Stone cites. Maybe we should have divorce reform.

Lyman Stone seems like he hasn’t been over-conditioned by feminism, but he still isn’t willing to look at one key factor behind the fall of marriage: the incentives facing men.


“You cannot negotiate genuine desire.”

You cannot negotiate genuine desire” is one of the most important concepts in game and life. The actual title of Rollo’s post is “Transactional vs. validation sex,” but “You cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Pretty much any guy who’s been in a long-term relationship will relate to the point.

Guys who haven’t been in a long-term relationship should be working on their game rather than reading about the distant future, but once game starts working it’s a good idea to know what the future holds.


“My husband pressured me into sex for years” #DontGetMarried

There is a vile article on Vox.com, “My husband pressured me into sex for years. #MeToo must include sexual assault in marriage,” which I’m not going to link but you can find if you must hate-read it. You get the basic idea from the headline.

The article dovetails nicely with Rollo Tomassi’s point, “You cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Any man who attempts to negotiate genuine desire to destined to fail, as the writer’s husband should realize. But like most guys he’s probably never been taught as much, and he probably thought that marriage is a contract or system involving reciprocal obligations and duties.

In modern marriages, that isn’t true. A marriage is a one-sided contract in which a man serves at the whims of a woman. Smart guys realize that marriage is a terrible deal and refuse to enter it. Guys like the one married to the anonymous Vox writer get shat on in public.

There is a concept in engineering called “The Five Whys” that are designed to get beneath the apparent surface of a problem. In the Vox worldview, the problem is the man’s behavior towards his wife. And to be fair, his behavior might be very bad (though we can’t tell from the article). But the deepest root cause of this situation is biology. A couple levels up from that, however, is marriage. Take this guy out of the marriage contract and he’d likely realize “his” woman isn’t into him and he needs to find a woman who is. That’s at least three levels down from the Vox article, however. You’ll never find an honest exploration of male-female relationships in Vox.

Strangely, you will find many honest explorations in other female-centric publications like New York Magazine. But those explorations won’t be framed the way I frame them.

In a Tweet, Vox’s editor Ezra Klein called it a “searing read.” It is searing, but not for the reasons he thinks. It’s a searing indictment of marriage as an institution and that guy for being dumb enough to fall for it.

I propose men start a hashtag, #DontGetMarried, pointing out the reasons why smart guys don’t contort themselves into the horrible position that is marriage.

Jesus Christ, text game

Jesus Christ. This text game breakdown is phenomenal. There are others like it on Riv’s blog and Nash’s blog. I used to think myself a good texter. No longer.

I do think I’m a functional texter, and most of my success comes from shutting the fuck up and less-is-more. But there is a level of insight around texting and text game that I do not have.

Guys who have found their way here from Reddit should pay attention: this is the kind of shit that almost never makes it onto Reddit. Experts get exasperated by Reddit’s beginner culture and migrate away.

Women don’t make emotional contracts

This post began as a reply to Nash’s comment, but it got so long that I decided to turn it into a post. It’s not about actionable game tips, so you might not find it very useful.

But it was in that context that I heard myself say, ‘women don’t make emotional “contracts.”‘ I like that line. I think it’s true.

It’s absolutely true that women don’t make emotional contracts. If they will enter such a contract, but they won’t keep it, and apart from the withdrawal of attention there is no downside to her. The non-monogamy community, online and off, is endlessly discussing how so-and-so broke their rules. It’s exhausting and pointless. Humans in general and especially women also tend to emotionally bond to people they’re fucking. That’s just how the system works. It can’t be logicked away. The downside of non-monogamy is that she might bond to another guy. Of course, at the same time other women might bond to me, and I think that is happening right now with someone I met at a party.

I’ve written about this before, but most women won’t stay in long-term, undefined relationships with guys. Pretty much all players know that women will initiate the “what are we?” talk three to eighteen months into an uncommitted relationship. It’s possible to keep her on the line for much longer, but most normal women want a family eventually. They have a biological schedule and think they want to lockdown a guy to have kids with (many are also conflicted, as evolutionary biology teaches us).  They also think they want commitment, and they do until they get bored and suffocated by seeing the same guy every day for years on end.

Non-monogamy can help keep the woman on the line while simultaneously allowing a guy to continue in the game. And if she sees the guy drawing in women who are more attractive than she is, she will get competitive and the sex will stay pretty hot. No one will get complacent because no one can.

In reality, of course, in modern marriages a guy shouldn’t get complacent because she may leave him at any time and take half his assets, child support, and the kids, and the entire state will step on his neck if he objects. Why guys agree to this kind of arrangement, I have no idea. Social pressure and expectation, I guess. I barely dodged it myself.

It appears that I’ve set off on a ramble, so let me say that I’m thinking about things more from a longer-term perspective for guys who already have okay game and who are age 30+, and guys who are younger can ignore this. Before age 30 it’s mostly about getting laid. After, a guy should be thinking, at least a little bit, about the long term. The current Western model and marriage contract do not work. They generate hate, misery, envy, and contempt. They’re so broken that the Red Pill has emerged from them.

But! A big but: most people and most guys still want something “more” than tons of random hookups. Most people will eventually want to have kids, too. I think most people age 50+ don’t get as much satisfaction from sex and get more of their satisfaction from family and community. But if you devote your entire life to chasing sex, you likely won’t build the things that matter in the second half of your life.

(Guys in their 20s can mostly ignore the above paragraph and focus on building their game, their knowledge, and their business lives. A guy without game and options basically cannot build an effective longer-term relationship today, so he has to have that first. Entering a long-term relationship without total confidence that the guy can easily find another woman is tantamount to death.)

For guys, over the long term, I think the future regarding kids is closer to something like co-parenting. Lots of guys read this and think it’s just more feminist bullshit. It can be used that way, especially in states with awful “child” support laws that are really woman-support laws. But co-parenting resolves a lot of the conflicts I’ve enumerated. The state isn’t involved through parent contracts. The two adults can maintain separate domiciles as necessary. Both should still contribute to the child. DNA testing is mandatory instead of optional. If and when sexual desire wanes, one doesn’t have to lie and look at the same person every morning for the rest of one’s life. Yet both parents have to commit to some of the crappy and boring parts of raising kids.

Instead of two people promising to erotically love each other forever, then coming to hate each other and getting into vicious, expensive legal battles, two people agree to do what’s right for the kid and agree to make sure the kid has both masculine and feminine influences in their life.

I don’t think co-parenting is perfect either, and I have basically evolved into co-parenting. My situation is far better than the situations of the many guys I know who married, let themselves go, and then divorced.

“If a man should assume there is NO SUCH THING as an emotional contract with a women… why would you strap yourself down to a financial one?? I know why men do it (bluepill thinking… but mostly… lack of options).”

Rollo is right about this: women want it all: complete, total access to a man’s finances and the complete to have sex with whoever she wants to, whenever she wants to. More guys are learning to say no to this raw deal, I hope. I have another post about the book Out of Eden: The Surprising Consequences of Polygamy, because it is also about what a society that is really committed to female monogamy and reducing hypergamy looks like.

“Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry”

This is very much off-topic for this blog, and the headline is deceptive, but “Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry.” I say the headline is deceptive because HD won’t electrify the industry, and the company is pretty messed up because of the demographics of its fan base. HD is damned if they do electrify, which is where the industry is headed, and damned if they don’t. If they do electrics, the old timers won’t like the electrics. But if they don’t, they’ll be way behind the technological curve, and the old timers are dying off or becoming too infirm to ride.

Other companies like Zero, which makes my bike, are growing and gaining expertise in electrics.

I love motorcycles and think guys who are debating one should go for it. As I wrote in “Ride a motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating

Riding a motorcycle will obviously not fix broken fundamentals of personality, weight, social presence, etc. You cannot buy your way out of who you are. But riding a motorcycle is super fun, makes a super fun date or part of a date, makes you look badass in the eyes of women (who almost never know any better) and is a fun, low-carbon way of getting around. I get opened all the time when I dodge into stores with my helmet.

You cannot buy your way out of who you are, but motorcycles are very fun and set a guy apart from most guys who are fat and complacent in their SUVs. One of my favorite lines is, “I usually only let girls on my bike after we’ve slept together.” Ideally we will all live in walkable cities with good public transport, which lets us open girls on the street or on the bus or train, but the American development pattern over the last 50+ years has gone the opposite way, leading to social isolation and sexless misery for both men and women. We should fight back as best we can by getting out of our dirty cars and living in the real world.

It’s definitely harder to have an electric bike in an apartment building than a detached house with a garage, but many landlords and management companies are now willing to install electric outlets for small fees. The landlords and management companies also know which way things are going and standard 120v, 15amp plugs are fine for Zero bikes.

“What Happens When a Married Woman Goes on Tinder?” Don’t get married

What Happens When a Married Woman Goes on Tinder?” is about one thing for guys: don’t get married.

My husband and I met at a party on a quiet street in a college town. In the years since, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and talking and writing about marriage, and I’d begun to notice more and more women subverting, reimagining, or challenging received notions surrounding the institution, specifically when it came to monogamy.

“Subverting” and “reimagining” means that she’s being subsidized by one guy while she’s fucking other guys. Why would a guy want to financially subsidize a woman who is going out and giving her best self to other dudes? He wouldn’t.

I advocate non-monogamy for guys, but I also advocate for not marrying. Marriage is a contract horribly slanted in the woman’s favor. If you sign up to marry, she can go fuck other guys and bear their children, then divorce her husband and take half his cash anyway. Why would any guy sign up for that kind of deal?

I’ve always felt like an average-looking woman, a solid 6 or maybe a 7 if I bother to wear mascara, but swiping through my matches and messages, I felt like a special species. I felt coveted and appreciated and valued and desired.

Women love attention and modern Tinder can be pretty stupid. If she’s on Tinder, she might just be looking for attention. She might also be looking for more. Again, why would a guy let his wife do this?

As for Pete, he was learning that married men on Tinder did not get quite the same level of positive feedback (or harassment) as married women. Matches were harder to come by, and when Pete reiterated to the women he matched with that he was in fact married, they did not think it was fabulous or awesome.

No shit. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Pete is a pretty low-status guy to begin with. He has no game and is probably not good looking. There are a million Petes but a limited number of women offering NSA sex.

We don’t know whether this woman really deleted her Tinder account or whether she’s going to reactive it after her next fight with Pete. For guys the lesson is simple. Why would you want to be Pete?

Don’t get married. Be the guy she cheats with, not the guy she cheats on.