“The [male] feminist”

The [male] feminist” is solid reading about a guy who needs a dad or uncle or male cousin to take him aside and tell him to stop being a p***y. Much of what we perceive as social or gender dysfunction is actually, at its heart, family dysfunction and disintegration, and, because of families are smaller and more fractured than they used to be, we don’t know how to become adults, which usually also means “how to become a man” or “how to become a woman.” “The [male] feminist” is most notable for the absence in it, because there’s no mention of this guy’s father or uncle. Where are they? Does his uncle not exist? why not?

There used to be a guy who kept a blog named Goldmund, for example, who, whatever his flaws, talked a lot about his older male relatives and how they influenced his development. Unfortunately his blog has been effectively abandoned… but he’s one of the few guys I’ve seen talk seriously about family and family influence. A lot of “how to be a man” and “how to be a woman” are best conveyed by aunts, uncles, older cousins, those relationships. Default_friend tweeted the other day that she learns a lot from her mom and grandma (can’t find the tweet at the moment), which may help explain why she thinks modern feminism is re/tarded. Camille Paglia writes about the same in her books and essays, about the vital role extended family play in development.

Who or what replaces family? Schools, bureaucracies, ideologies. Except none of those replacements work, it’s like trying to live off McDonald’s and fast food: even if you’re technically alive, you’re barely living. In “The [male] feminist,” the guy absorbs an ideology pitched by power-hungry bureaucrats. The story is exaggerated for effect, I understand that, but normal guys, as they get older, they understand how to discard bullshit that doesn’t work. Even the pathetic snake guys who embrace “I am a feminist” as a way to get laid in high school or college, almost always quit at some point. You get old enough to see an ideology doesn’t work, you quit it. The most interesting part of many stories isn’t what’s in them, but what’s missing.

Chicks aren’t attracted to vulnerability, and the story’s narrator goes around with his belly exposed to every chick he runs into. Chicks like guys they can be vulnerable with, but not guys who are vulnerable. Or the guy is vulnerable is a minor way, like, “I am afraid of heights.” Or maybe, “My ex was super hot but also hurt me badly.” Your hot ex (social proof) hurt you, and now I, a lady, can heal you with my magic pussy? That’s minor vulnerability. Major vulnerability is something like outright incompetence. Competence is attractive to women, which is why effective men work so hard to develop it.

Lots of red pill guys get that masculinity is earned, not given, and that’s why so many primitive tribes have intense male initiation rituals. Femininity is given, not earned, just by going through puberty. That power must be learned to be wielded well, to be sure, but it’s there by showing up… something the male feminist in the story misses.

I don’t remember how the exact conversation went, but Short Dancer admitted that she slept with an incompetent guy her age (who I knew slightly) right before I started f**king her. The guy got her by virtue of proximity and luck, but he lacked masculinity identity and had no one, from what I can tell, to teach him about it. Then I got with Short Dancer, who was diplomatic, but also basically said that he lacked adequate aggression and masculinity. I thought the guy was okay, and if I’d been able to see a way to help him I would have, but, due to some other circumstances, there was no real way to do so. Maybe losing Short Dancer to an older, more masculine guy taught him something important. He seemed like a guy who might identify as a male feminist, although I never heard him actually do so.

Basically, the inept younger guy needed this,

At lunch one day, two of his male coworkers offer unsolicited dating advice, relishing the chance to showboat their sexual proficiencies. He’s too honest and available, not aggressive enough—friend-zone shit, they say unironically. Just don’t be a fucking pussy is all! You gotta challenge them, be a puzzle for them to work out, that’s just how girls’ brains work, it’s evolution. They offer grotesquely specific advice about eye contact and hair touching. Learn palmistry, they say, bitches love getting their palms read.

“Proficiencies.” What proficiencies does the narrator have? What’s this guy’s major? Is it something useful, or history or some shit? His bros are trying to help him be a guy, and he’s ignoring it. They know more about “how girls’ brains work” than most university professors, I will add. Some high school teachers, especially gym teachers and wrestling coaches, know how girls’ brains work, too. In middle school I had a gym teacher, a former marine if I remember correctly, maybe army, who all the cool guys worshipped. The gym teacher wasn’t mean or anything, but he was very low bullshit, and I was a stupid kid who only really wanted to do one sport and was lazy in some ways. Still, his example is memorable, even now, many years later. A lot of the male teachers I met seemed like the male feminist. I could tell something was wrong with them, even if I didn’t know what.

“My entire life I’ve been nothing but useful to everyone else, especially women, so selfless that my entire self will evaporate without residue.” This guy misunderstands what “useful” means. “Useful” is fixing the toilet, the bike, the microwave, when it’s broken. “Useful” means you have users for your product, means you’re getting paid for something. This guy is useless, because he never builds anything of value. Having opinions is not valuable. Doing things is valuable. What skill does this guy have that no one else does? If he has no skills like that, then he’s useless. He doesn’t even understand the “develop the skills women like” skill.

You know what women really really like? Passion. Drama. Excitement. Adventure. You know what this guy is?  A wet, limp noodle. Prominent “feminists” and feminist writers are overwhelmingly desiccated, damaged people. They don’t speak for most women. Few things are less passionate than a guy who is autistically obsessed with passion-killing clarity.

In life, you get out what you put in. Like most guys, this guy gets (or doesn’t get) chicks consistent with the quality of his overall being. Super sporty/fit people get with other super sporty/fit people. Nerds get with nerds. Stoners meet the same. People find their image match. Want to get better mating opportunities? You gotta change who you are. Which is painful, I get it. There’s no real sustainable alternative I’m aware of, though.

I don’t want to use the word “pathetic” because it’s so obvious. Plus, I see bits of this guy in me, when I was younger, so maybe that’s why I’m having the reaction to him.

Someone whose main identity feature is their race or feminism or whatever isn’t worth being around. Those things should be the least interesting aspects of you and your identity. The most interesting things should be like “cryptocurrency developer” or “teaches programming skills” or “carpenter” or “sex club maniac.” Okay, that last one is a stretch. Immutable characteristics are 100 times less interesting than what you do. What you do is who you are. See the problem with the guy from the story? He… goes to marches, and talks to chicks about their problems. I am the problem chicks talk about. Trust me, it’s much more fun. Women want a guy who “just gets it.” A guy who “just gets it,” is not identifying as a male feminist.

Normal people also learn not to take a lot of what others said literally or seriously. Speech is often a sport that’s about signaling a person’s underlying characteristics, or about building coalitions, rather than about saying true things. Science works because it’s a meta process that gets around those things. Business works because if your product or service doesn’t work, the business fails. Sex works, because a man getting inside a woman is costly for the woman, and thus real. A lot of talk is cheap, you know? Your grandma and grandpa probably told you talk is cheap. Ideology is (usually) cheap talk with a bunch of extra fancy words, plus maybe some underemployed professors. The guy in this story seems to buy into feminism, at the expense of reality. What really matters over the long term is the quality of a person’s relationships and skills and, ultimately, family. This guy doesn’t have real relationships because he’s a eunuch, not a man. He doesn’t say anything about his skills even though we hear about work. He doesn’t have older male relatives to encourage him not to be a b***h, and he doesn’t understand what women actually want, so he never starts a family of his own. He stupidly, takes what a handful of chicks say seriously, instead of noticing who those chicks hook up with… those are the guys you should try to mimic. Trying to mimic a chick as a guy is a recipe for failure. The gender identity crisis is not what the left wingers think it is.

A guy screws up a potential foursome with his endless monologuing

My then-girlfriend and I were propositioned by this couple, and it might have gone through, except for the guy’s personality. We met this couple outside of the open relationship and non-monogamy community because they lived near us and shared some common habits: the girl was a hot European, probably a high 8. We’d encountered them repeatedly, in the neighborhood, and they were friendly and normal at first… the guy also helped us find a small bit MDMA, which is nice). One night we were all drinking a bit and actually getting to know each other, as opposed to idle chitchat. It’s hard to describe the exact feeling, and nothing physical changed, but over the course of the night I felt the energy shift from “normal and friendly” to “this is more than friendly.” I’m sure my girlfriend felt the shift too, as she’d been sufficiently immersed in this world to know.

I wasn’t totally opposed to to the potential foursome (did I mention the girl is stunning?), but, even though my girlfriend and I could feel the sexual interest, the other guy couldn’t shut up. When we were all hanging out, he’d embark on these endlessly long rambles and tangents. Not sharing the conversation is one of my partner’s huge pet peeves, and she’s been annoyed at work when guys talk over her or try to talk over her, and she’d complained repeatedly and vociferously about guys who monologue. Just like this guy was doing. Sharing the conversation is a fundamental aspect of social skills, and this other guy wasn’t doing it. If a person is going to monologue, they better have Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld levels of story quality. This guy didn’t.

From what I could distil, they both had super interesting life stories, but we couldn’t extract those life stories, or hear them… I was thinking of the guy when I wrote Curiosity leads to sexual freedom… and threesomes… and storytelling, although he’s not the only one who’s had this problem. By the end of end of the night, they invited us to their apartment for a drink, but the guy’s personality was a turn-off to the point that my girlfriend spiked the deal. Both times we hung out with them for longer periods of time, either the guy or both of them were a bit tipsy/drunk too, which may have led to the guy’s babbling. I felt exhausted after listening to him drone for an hour, or however long I did. There are masterful storytellers out there… have you ever listened to Michael Lewis on a podcast? I can listen forever, he’s fascinating. The rest of us… no. I’d also bet Michael Lewis is great at gauging his audience’s engagement, and if they’re engaged, he keeps going. If not, he probably eases off.

Part of being conversational is knowing when to shut up… and this guy, the guy from my story, couldn’t shut up. I felt like I didn’t know him well enough, though, to say, “By the way, being quiet occasionally will go a long way.” They were both late 20s, I think, too, so old enough to know better. Old enough to know when to ask questions, or be quiet.

In a good conversation, you will figure out where the other person or people are. This guy wasn’t able or willing to do that.

I don’t know if I’ve seen this aspect of social dynamics covered by game writers. Finding the right balance between speaking and truly listening is tricky. Young scared guys will often not be able to talk much at all (myself too… been there, had that problem).

Bodi has a description in his books of being on a date with a girl and realizing that both of them are giggling and talking nonsense. And it doesn’t matter, cause the girl is having a good time. Some girls are very physical and not verbal/cerebral. Other girls, who are verbal and in their heads, will be extremely put off by dumb guys, or guys who talk over them. Part of the guy’s job is to discern what kind of girl he’s with. Part of the job of a couple leading a seduction is to take non-verbal feedback from the other couple.

Another guy I know had, probably still has, the babbling problem too… not in a romantic/sexual context, but in general. In groups, he’d get excited, cut people off, and doing this repeatedly led to most of the people in the loose group getting annoyed with him. He was also flakey and a taker, traits that didn’t help, and that led to him being effectively ejected from some friend and acquittance groups.

I’m not saying you have to be perfect (you don’t) or that the “right” path is always available, because it isn’t. It can also be normal to interrupt occasionally, for a specific reason, or out of excitement. The guys I’m writing about were both extreme, the one in rambling and the other in interrupting. The first guy also really liked going to bars to hang out, I think because bars are an acceptable place for aimless ramblers… one reason I’m not a bar guy… am I learning something from this conversation? No? Then there’s a good chance I don’t want to be having it.

A guy can be bad at conversation or talk over people and still get laid. Some girls are pushovers and have no personality, or they’re empty vessels waiting to get filled by the personality of whatever guy is nearby. But a guy who rambles without regard to audience is going to drop a lot of opportunities, particularly from higher-quality girls. My then-girlfriend was pretty and also intellectually sharp: far too sharp to tolerate that rambler. Girls are on average much more attuned to the social world and to the world of feelings than guys are, and non-monogamy works when the girls are comfortable and trusting. It’s common in good threesomes, for example, for the third-party to double check and make sure everything is okay before something intense happens, like outright penetration. That final check-in makes everyone feel comfortable: for a lot of women, it’s extremely intense to be in bed with the boyfriend as he enters another woman. Same for a guy who is about to see his woman penetrated by another man. That last check-in, and accepting a “no” gracefully should it happen, helps align everyone and make sure that everyone’s feelings are considered. Someone who can’t be considerate of feelings and audience in conversation is communicating that he, or she, might not be considerate in bed, either.

In the situation with the guy and the hot Euro chick, it’s possible that I could’ve cajoled my girlfriend into taking one for the team, or going for it and seeing what happens. But that would’ve damaged our relationship, perhaps fatally. I’ve made mistakes, but, by the time this swap was effectively proposed, I’d learned from my errors. I’d have enjoyed f**king the hot Euro girl, but would my partner have enjoyed the guy? We’ll never find out, cause the guy wasn’t sufficiently socially deft.

Girls talking about their friend’s open relationship: It’s happening

The other day I’m in a mezzanine above the gym’s snack bar, and below me there are four chicks, one of them loudly describing her friend’s open relationship. Friends’s open relationship, more accurately, cause she knows, and the others there appear to know, this couple who are in an open relationship, and the girl talking in the snack bar says the guy is busy f**king a bunch of girls… and the girl is bisexual and also f**king a bunch of girls. The other three girls’s reactions is the most interesting part: one seems to be generally positive or approving of the situation. Another chick seems to be generally hostile and disapproving, and is trying to establish the consensus that the open relationship “is not okay,” to use girl terminology. Personally I prefer old-school Christian terminology like “they are damned” or “they are disobeying the will of God” or “they are sinners” instead of the new-school, wishy-washy, California SJW terminology like “not okay,” but, whatever, you call someone a heresiarch these days and everyone else looks at you funny. The other girl listening seems neutral, or is not loudly expressing her view of the situation. The speaker seems lightly positive, like she’s the teacher educating the others on the nuts and bolts of open relationships, and how this couple is doing it. Now, class, what is the square root of three?

On Twitter, I’ve been linking to articles discussing open relationships, sex clubs, and other aspects of non-monogamy, with the statement, “It’s happening:” I repeat “It’s happening” because it is happening, ready or not, and these girls are a small but real piece of evidence regarding the shift. Guys who want to be maximally successful should think about how the shift to non-monogamy might affect them and their game. I’m not saying all guys should do sex clubs (in fact I say the opposite in the free book), but guys should at a minimum be aware of it. Talk to enough girls and you’re going to run into girls who’re doing it, or interested. If you like hedonistic adventurous girls like I do, talking about your time in sex clubs will attract and intrigue them (you’ll be different from other guys).

This was an overheard conversation not so much notable for its basic content but for it happening at all. Word is spreading. It also showcased female group dynamics (remember: social life is primarily a team sport), because the girls were trying to establish consensus and sway the group… the hostile girl wanted the group to be hostile, the approving girl wanted its approval, and the neutral girl might end up being the deciding vote. Because I know you’re wondering, only one is attractive (the quiet one, but you knew that already too) and the other three are overweight. Does that change how you envision the situation?

I’d have a threesome with him. What, you wouldn’t? What do you mean, this hat makes me look like a slut? I saw that rope tattoo on your lower back.

Xbtusd on the “price” of sex, and how guys pay it

Default_friend predicts “The coming wave of sex negativity“, which is another way of saying, “Women will try to lower the ‘market price’ of sex by reducing supply”, and xbtusd has some thoughts about how that interacts with the “sex positivity” movement, to the extent it really exists, and most of this post is his:

There’s an embargo on saying “not all sex is good for women,” that you can think critically about how sex affects women, without being right wing or “sex negative.” It therefore becomes easy to be discredited as “not getting it” if you make any critiques of women’s sexual choices (and, perhaps, by implication, the choices of men). Because of the rules of liberal discourse, only women can weigh in on this debate in most media platforms; fortunately, you are not reading “most media platforms” right now. The women-only rule silences 50% of the population, and any woman who doesn’t agree with the pro-sex feminist take gets lumped in with the anti-sex religious nuts. A clever strategy, and yet it hurts us all when we can’t have honest conversations.

I think Default_Friend sees that discourse vacuum as harmful to women, and, simultaneously, that the narrative asserting “more and more sex for women is the only way to be empowered” is disingenuous. She’d like to see that conversation evolve: I feel like she’s pretty coherent in her worldview and consistent in her challenges to the current feminist narrative. She’d likely agree women are the worst slut shamers, and she’d understand why.

She also understands that an unlimited supply of pussy devalues it (you can hear some of the implications in her conversation with Delicious Tacos), and so she’s trying to get women to wake up to that fact: restrict the supply of pussy not by slut shaming, but by being more conscious of why you have sex and who you have it with. If you have sex because, “empowerment,” you’re an idiot, but you don’t realize it. Think harder and you’ll get better results.

The feminist narrative has always been that men are the root of all women’s problems. For quite a while women have been shadowboxing against invisible enemies. The cartoonish feminists think men are evil. They burned their bras in protest of…. what exactly? How many dudes are upset about the new braless culture sweeping America’s hippest cities? I say Viva la Resistance! One has to wonder, when you see your supposed enemies cheering you on, is it possible you duped yourself into doing what they wanted in the first place? Do they ever question why their putative enemies are so pro the feminist agenda?

Roy Baumeister clued me in to the idea of a “price of sex”: and in my mind, it is the ONLY thing that matters. Contrary to the feminist narrative, I am happy to celebrate anything that lowers it. Conservative women get this, and most liberal women don’t, although, arguably, the current effort to make women unaccountable for their sexual decisions is a change in the basic liberal woman worldview.

Redpill Dad has another view,

In my next salvo against sex negativity happening anytime soon, it seems to me that what we call “sex negativity”, is really women either hitting epiphany or having had a negative sexual experience with guys, or not getting the sort of guys they want. Understand, female sexual strategy is either: have sex with desirable males and gain provisioning from either that male or others, OR stop other women from having sex with desirable males. This is why WOMEN, not men, are the absolute worst slut shamers. The problem is that another woman’s emotional reaction to epiphany or having had a bad sexual experience isn’t to not have sex–it’s to have sex as quickly as possible with as high a quality man as they can and hold on to him.

Women view the world emotionally, and react to the world emotionally, and, because of this, they often have no real point. They’ll do what men permit or encourage them to do, and they’ll often follow whoever they perceive the leader to be.

Women NEVER experience the sexual marketplace in the way men do. NEVER. They cannot possibly conceive of what it’s like for a man to have to prove himself and BECOME SOMETHING. Chicks just are. This is also why they like arguments about equity and fairness and fall so easily in line with cancel culture and SJWism. They just want to follow the rules and get along and whatever they are, they are, so they’d just as soon have things equal and not have to compete. For women, the direct competition is sorta over.

I differ a bit here with Red Pill Dad: for women, the great competition is in securing long-term commitment from high-status men. Women will also have fun short-term sex for the same reasons men do.

Redquest here. I strongly pitch the narrative that “more sex is fun” to women, and the free sex club + non-mono book talks about how and why guys should do just that.

Somewhere in the vicinity of 5 – 20% of chicks love uninhibitedly f**king around, for whatever reason, and they’re going to keep the “market price” low, plus, chicks suffer from sexual boredom too, some argue even worse than men. I have a slightly different view, that many people want what they don’t have, so the hedonistic adventurers get tired of that and yearn for stability, while the stable couple gets bored and yearns for adventure. Something like sex clubs + non-mono attempt to walk that line.

That said, a lot of men (and women) lack basic sexual politeness/courtesy, which involves simple things like letting her sleep over, comforting her after f**king, not ghosting, all the stuff that leaves chicks feeling good about themselves even after they’ve been f**ked, or even after the guy breaks up with them. Yes I know that women do the same bad behaviors, and often worse behaviors, it doesn’t matter though, what are you, eight years old? Because someone else does it, doesn’t mean you should. You want to create and facilitate positive-sum interactions, and the best parts of game allow a guy to do that (the worst, darkest parts of game culture almost achieve some of the stereotypes about guys who consciously practice pickup). Overall, game and sex are skills that can be improved with deliberate practice, but a fair number of chicks really strongly dislike that fact and will attack it in moral, sermonizing terms.

I think the wildcard around sex culture is STI vaccines, because, seriously, these are coming, for example a gonorrhea vaccine. I know a lot of hedonistic adventurers who slowed their f**king around after a mild bout of STI inconvenience, and STIs slow the overall market velocity, because of the need to present test results in order to achieve many scenarios. MRNA approaches are likely to be applied to STIs as well. If they work, expect to see humans shift towards a more bonobo-like sexuality. Already, it’s surprising to me when women require condoms. Using condoms is smart, I will add, and I am not arguing what I do is smart.

Technology is the wildcard in so much human behavior, because technology changes incentives and the facts on the ground. If not for antibiotic cures to almost all common STIs, and reliable birth control, we’d still be closer to 1900 sexual mores, ethics, and practices, than 2021 mores, ethics, and practices. Cryptocurrencies also allow sex to be paid for more easily outside the cash and conventional, regulated finance economy, which is another topic for another time but linked to this topic.

Overall I don’t think women as a group are going to change hookup or promiscuity culture, by moving away from casual sex, but I’ve been wrong about things before. A lot of guys lack masculine energy and drive, so if they can’t be bothered to chase chicks, that could also harm hookup culture. Regarding, “If you have sex because, ’empowerment,’ you’re an idiot, but you don’t realize it. Think harder and you’ll get better results,” I think most chicks f**k, at least at first, cause the guy is hot and they want to, and not too many are going to wait. Plus, if they do wait, a lot of the top-most guys will find a girl who won’t, so a girl who wants to get guys at the top of her range is going to f**k fast.

This gal has nothing whatsoever to do with the post, but the profusion of such imagery across media culture demonstrates monogamy’s challenges.

Delicious Tacos talks to Personality Girl and Default Friend about getting laid and other things

Personality Girl and Default Friend have a hilarious podcast with Delicious Tacos, a podcast covering many topics, including how women don’t (maybe can’t) understand what life and horniness as a man is like, alcoholism, writing, groupies, face, sociopathy, work, and Houellbecq (the key philosopher of the last 50 years, no one else who hasn’t done pr0n counts). My replies are disjoint and won’t make sense without listening to the podcast.

Hot, emotionally mature girls aren’t on the market much and aren’t drunk or snorting coke. Guys with alcohol or substance abuse problems are attracting girls who will accept those, and it’s dangerous to draw conclusions from that biased sample… I try not to generalize too much about women based on the women I’ve been with in the last ten years, because most of them are at the very least curious about or accepting of non-monogamy, while women who want a conventional family and children aren’t going to put up with that shit. Delicious Tacos lives in L.A. (all the normal girls stay out of California). The conversation is a very big city conversation, cause normal girls who want a husband and family live in the midwest, or Texas, or Florida, or any place that it’s possible to live a middle-class existence and have a family… they’re not in the big famous cities. That’s where the sluts are, and the people who can’t afford to have kids, so they might as well do all sorts of weird sex things. I’m one of them, I’m talking about my own here, but I’ve also spent lots of time in smaller cities where women in their 20s walk around with their children in strollers and their husbands next to them. Most of them are 10 – 40 lbs overweight, which is gross, but that’s where they are.

Despite all that I have a piece coming up in the next month or two about how I was dumb to not have figured out mdma earlier in my life, cause, used judiciously, that’s where many of the easy lays are. Lots of hot chicks lack personality, or drive, or the ability to admit the sex they want and get it, and need some external aid to get there. Trying to talk to a lot of hot girls age 18 – 24 isn’t easy, cause their knowledge base consists of inane gossip and an interest in drinking and drugs. That’s it. It’s hard to build commonality from that. Solution? A lot of conversation that uses The Game + insinuations of drinking/drugs now, or in times to come. I should’ve learned this earlier… in many ways I’m a slow learner.

Very true: pussy begets more pussy. Absolutely. Sex clubs are apotheosis of this. DT gets this. He says something like, the difference between 0 pussy and 1 pussy is a million times greater than 1 and 2, and pretty much everything in game is about moving from 0 to 1. Red Quest might be less interesting cause it’s mostly about moving from 2 to a million, via sex clubs + non-monogamy.

Agree that guys who get a lot fuck a lot of chicks, almost all of varying quality levels.

Delicious Tacos should get a counseling degree and do counseling for men. He’d be great at it, and he’d get out of the corporate grind office job, become more of a prophet than he already is. I’d refer guys to him. “You want to get laid, get your life in order? Talk to this guy, Delicious Tacos.” Would he be popular, though? Most therapists seem to need to take 20 sessions to get to the obvious, because they have to wait for the person they’re talking to to get to the idea on their own… I think Delicious Tacos would be like, “Your family’s fucked up, go learn the deadlift, and get in touch with your feelings that way.” If more guys mastered the deadlift and pullup we’d have less need for therapy.

His voice is peculiarly similar to mine, as are many of his life experiences, although I’ve never had alcohol or substance abuse problems… although I have been accused of being a sex addict (DT discusses “sex addicts” on the podcast). I don’t think I am, though, because I usually have some standards, and after I get my fill I go read a book or whatever.

He says that he used to get groupies when he showed his face… but then he sadly got doxxed… I’ve speculated to other guys that, to build a bigger following it’s necessary to show some proof-of-lay and become a public figure. Krauer and Tom Torero did that. Andy from Kill Your Inner Loser has done the same. I don’t think I care enough to want to take red quest to the next level that way, but it’s useful to hear ideas echoed. Like Balaji says, “we’re going to need to build a pseudonymous economy, where over the medium to long term, you separate out your real name, your earning name, and your speaking name. And in fact, you have multiple earning names and multiple speaking games, just like you have multiple usernames at different sites.” Balaji goes on,

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Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it

The Graphic Designer Who Hates Making the First Move is a universal story of a woman who can’t or won’t make the first move: she finds a guy she likes, “I think he’s cute and wish he’d just make the move and ask me out. I don’t get it.” Why doesn’t she make the first move? She doesn’t say. About another guy, she says, “I could ask him out myself, but I really want someone to take the lead and I want to be pursued.” Despite what you’ve heard from feminist teachers in schools, despite the bullshit you may have imbibed from the media, women are passive and won’t make the first move. As a man, it’s your job to make it, and it will almost certainly remain your job as long as men and women exist. Eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap, so, if you’re a man reading this, you’re going to need to be the actor, not the acted upon.

Sure, you may have heard women say “Ew, I can’t believe that guy hit on me.” Guess what? She’s making a female social power play, by saying that she’s so desirable and popular that she routinely rejects guys. That’s her game when she says something like that. Or, she considered the guy to be below her level (this always happens). The other day, I was walking along a strip of bars near me, and there was this woman, cute, wearing an outfit that was like 55% business / 45% T&A, skirt that was almost too short, tits almost hanging out too much, and I opened her with, I don’t know, something about business, something about the time of day, and she said something like, “Ew, no.” Or maybe just “No,” I don’t remember exactly, but it was an uncommonly cold rejection, particularly for a woman dolled up like she was.

And it doesn’t matter, the rejection, I mean.

Continue reading “Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it”

Breaking it off with the secret affair girl

Broke it off with the girl from Women having affairs never make you use a condom, after seeing her, I don’t know, five or six times… it was very nice, and yet after each time I found myself thinking the kind of things I’ve talked about on here before, like, “You can only have one or two main priorities in your life, and a couple secondary priorities, and after that you’re out of time and energy.” A lot of people fail to have a single main priority, besides something like video games or stuffing their face with sugar, and it shows. My main priority right now should not be chasing random skirt, as doing so is not consistent with my overall life goals. Problem being, when I think I can get a cute girl to pliantly spread her legs, my hindbrain says, “SCORE” and my forebrain is missing in action. When the girl and her perky tits and flat stomach are somewhere else, the forebrain can better assert control and whisper, “WTF are you doing with your life?”, and I have to admit the forebrain has control.

We met in a neutral venue, as usual, f**ked very thoroughly, also as usual, and after that we got underwear back on and I broached the topic. I don’t remember exactly what I said but it was something like, “I like you a lot, and what we’re doing a lot, but I’m not sure we should keep doing what we’re doing.” She seemed a bit surprised, but not surprised at the same time, sort of like a pandemic is a surprise we’ve been expecting for decades, or like we’re going to be “surprised” when China invades Taiwan and we’ve spent the last five years with our heads in our asses, or like having a baby is both extremely normal and simultaneously shocking. She probed a bit about why and I was actually pretty straightforward with her, my theory being that these kinds of things rarely remain secret. It’s too easy to make a mistake, and right now I need to be focused on other matters. I didn’t specify what those other matters were. I did emphasize that I like her a lot and that this isn’t about her. I’m not sure she believed it, she seemed like she wanted to cry at one point, but the “breaking it off” conversation wasn’t long. If this were a few years from now, and I’d achieved some other things, I’d keep going. But it’s not, and I’ve not, so here we are.

She turned out to be a lot like Peaches. Similar temperament and employment situation. Hot girl who doesn’t behave like a hot girl, or seem to really get/understand that she’s a hot girl. Not really sure why she’s married (I’m not sure why she’s married, that is… maybe she knows?). She’s both very driven in some ways and drifting in some other ways. You know the people who are furiously pursuing a goal without asking themselves if the goal is worth achieving, or what happens the day after the goal? A bit like that. A girl who is very IQ smart but is kinda missing the point at the same time. Needs a lot of reassurance. Seems a bit impressed that I’m not too impressed with what she’s doing, although I think it’s a bit cool at the same time. I think she needs more sex than she’s getting at home, and while I didn’t say that to her in those exact words, I did tell her that she’s a girl who needs to be f**ked a lot… and let a lot of the rest do the implying for me.

Despite having spent not a huge amount of time with her, but some time with her… I feel like I don’t know her. Know her, know her. She’s almost always a bit reserved. She needs/likes pretty heavy BDSM. Having the actual talk with her, the clean break, seems better and truer than letter her drift away. I think a lot of women today are justifiably annoyed with the number of grown males who still exhibit a lot of “boy psychology” instead of “man psychology” (a point made in KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine)… “man psychology” often means politely but firmly telling her when it’s over, so she can have psychological rest. It might hurt a bit more in the moment, but it hurts much less in the long term. Yes yes I know chicks usually ghost, but chicks do a lot of bad behavior that it’s not good to emulate. A lot of guys are so stuck at the early levels of the game that they never get to the “How to break it off?” moment. Look for guys who talk about letting girls go, if they’re discussing that they’ve often gotten to more advanced levels.

I’d be surprised, though, if this chick doesn’t propose consensual non-monogamy to her husband. Maybe she’s already been dropping hints towards that. I’ve told her things like, “You got married too young” “you need to experience life,” other slut bromides designed to convey to her that what she’s doing is normal and fun. It’s part of my effort to give her permission… you’d be surprised at what chicks will do with male permission + encouragement. Chicks are generally poor at leadership and usually need a guy to support and encourage them. I don’t know why her and her husband married so early. Well I think I know why her husband married her early, she’s hot, she’s unusual in a way compatible with his bad social skills… and he probably didn’t think, at the time, he could do any better. Still not sure he can… tough to say, until you’re on the market. Markets are where statements are proven or falsified. If they’d had kids already, them being together would make sense. I suspect she’s fundamentally a weak person, psychologically or personality-wise, because there are some things about her job and life goals that are not well supported by her husband. I’m being vague here but the specifics are too revealing. There’s gotta be something to him I’m missing, or she’s going to be one of those chicks who, after her divorce, can’t quite remember why she married in the first place. I wouldn’t be shocked if she ends up a spinster, but I think she’ll pull out of the dive and have a family at some point. If she does divorce, I’d not be surprised if she goes on a slut rampage for a bit.

In the last year I’ve been pretty monogamous, having only slept with, I dunno, four chicks, or five, something like that, not many at all, most of them recurring revenue, and most of them well spaced out from each other (COVID risk… but I’ve been vaccinated… I bet STIs are going to skyrocket this summer, as people start f**king again). I also want to say… I made some substantial changes in the last year, and they’ve been good… even with them, I’ve probably talked to 100, maybe 150, chicks, to find this one who was in the right place, right time for the potential lays (of which there have been very few). Most of them were very brief and in social circumstances, often a bunch in one day, just a “hi, how are you, what’s your name,” that sort of thing… very low-level pings. I’ve done a bit of large-group social hosting, in part cause it’s fun but also to try and keep some backup chicks in my orbit. I retweeted a Rob K. Henderson tweet, “Not only do people in committed relationships have backup mates; even people who seem quite happy with their relationships actively cultivate them…people without backup mates were twice as likely to get depressed compared to those with a solid backup.” This is what almost all successful players I’ve known in real life (not on the Internet) have done… whenever they’re in a relationship, sometimes a “relationship,” they’re also cultivating a backup roster with postions #2 – #10. Ten is a little extreme, you get the idea.

Often, they have something regular going on… it can be almost anything… a Friday night happy hour, a group hike, a dinner, a whatever, so that when they meet a new chick, it’s easy to say, “Some friends and I are doing a thing, you should come.” Way back in the mists of the time, when Mystery was doing his LA thing, he got hold of the “seven-hour rule,” that it takes the average chick about seven hours of exposure to a guy to be ready to f**k him. It can be shorter than that, obviously, but it can also be longer, for some chicks… 4 – 10 hours is a good round number. Having a guy invite a chick into his loose social orbit will often let her spend those hours around him… so that when his primary chick departs, she’s there ready to be f**ked. This is how many office affairs, teacher-student affairs, etc., start. The girl spends enough time around the guys to be comfortable enough with him to want to f**k him. She knows he’s probably not a murderer, etc., because she works with him, she’s been taught by him, whatever.

I’m not saying that’s the only way to do it, and I’m not denigrating daygame… it has its place… but there are different ways to do it, and it seems like a lot of guys writing online lack basic social skills. That basic notion is behind “parties.” Daygame and other elements of social life work together, too. I prefer real one on one dates… but sometimes you’re with a woman, and you want to have a few more on deck, and other methods come to the foreground. I don’t like getting caught in the open field without any cover around me. That’s happened to me before… not often, though. Any guy in a relationship should be able to think, “What will I do if she walks out tomorrow?” and have a good game plan ready to go. Guys who think, “She is my entire world” “I’d fall apart without her” “happy wife, happy life…” I feel bad for them. What your sports coaches told you is true, proper preparation leads to victory.

A man who won’t prepare is preparing to fail.

This is a pic Unsplash showed me when I searched for “affair”

*Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder*

If you’re reading this, you should read Muscle, by Samuel Wilson Fussell, because it’s about a topic that can’t be taught, only recognized and cultivated: obsession. Obsession propels people past skill and into mastery, it’s the thing that moves from “good” into “top”. Don’t think I quite have it, myself, right now, though maybe I did, at one point. It’s the thing you do for no reason, however many “reasons” you come up with, the thing that keeps you moving. Why’d Sam get obsessed? He thinks ’80s New York streets scared him, and that could be a small part, but it sounds like an excuse. The muscle thing could be a rebellion against his parents, he implies. Could be some third thing, I’d say, and the truth is probably tautological, it got him cause it got him.

You can ask a similar question, why do some guys go from normal healthy high interest in quim to extreme obsession? Continue reading “*Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder*”

The Internet fantasy bubble: the gap between the responsible and the spectators

The Internet lets people indulge in wild fantasy, and Twitter is more like World of Warcraft than is commonly assumed: this effect might also be more pronounced in “smart” people than dumb ones. Being smart, or high IQ, isn’t a shield from this effect either, and if anything it may make you more susceptible to these effects. Being rich also insulates a person from the effects of excessive fantasy: the richer we are, the more we seem able to indulge fantasy, because our base human needs are met.

To be good with women, you should be able to suspend disbelief and create an alternate reality, for women to step into, but that skill can be dangerous in regular life. Or useful. Along with suspending disbelief, rock-solid frame helps a lot with women, and thus the emphasis on bringing the woman into your world and worldview. Some guys seem to forget that that frame is a creation, and they carry it through on everything, even when it’s not correct.

Continue reading “The Internet fantasy bubble: the gap between the responsible and the spectators”

“A Unicorn’s Tale: Three-Way Sex With Couples Has Made Me a Better Person”

A Unicorn’s Tale: Three-Way Sex With Couples Has Made Me a Better Person” won’t contain anything surprising to Red Quest readers, but it’s notable because it’s published in a mainstream venue and it’s written by the daughter of a famous person. On Twitter, I’ve been keeping up a steady stream of articles like this one, with the tagline, “It’s happening. Are you ready?” When I started in consensual non-monogamy, it was still mostly underground. Few girls were really familiar with its ideas. I don’t think Vanity Fair was publishing this kind of dirty “Unicorn’s Tale” back then… and today it is. The change is happening, if it hasn’t happened already.

Chicks are getting a steady diet of the idea that non-monogamy is fun and socially okay, and this is important because most chicks want to stay with the herd and avoid doing anything that will make them outcasts or “weird.” Chicks mostly rely on guys to make things to happen for them. By now, most young hot chicks know friends who have dabbled in non-monogamy. Chicks are swapping non-monogamy stories and ideas on places like Twitter and Reddit and, as more open up to the idea, the guys who can make it happen are going to have an edge on the guys who can’t. The chick who wrote that piece is pretty good looking in most of the pics Google Images shows, too (an important thing to check, because unattractive women will amp up their sexual signaling as a means of trying to attract men who might take the easy layup but don’t want to put in the work).

So: Are you ready?