“The mom having an affair because her husband did first”

The Brooklyn Mom Having an Affair Because Her Husband Had One First. This piece illustrates the dangers of affairs and non-monogamy. I see guys online suggesting that it’s okay for a guy to have a quiet side piece while his main woman cares for the kids and runs the house.

That is of course possible. For a few guys, feasible. For most guys, not much…. requires too much money, time, dedication, etc. Too easy to get caught today.

If you do it, she will likely want to do it too. And when she does it, this can lead to alienation of affection as well as paternity uncertainty. If the guy in this story thinks the next kid in his, well, he might be wrong.

Tough conversations. Downside of being known as a player

Tough conversations this weekend. I’m having some challenges making some of the changes I want to make, and I am suffering some right now because I have been a player for a long time and have a player reputation and a lot of player instincts. The player instincts don’t serve me well in trying to develop a longer-term relationship with a woman who has a more secure attachment style and who knows what she wants.

A word on reputation and what chicks are looking for. Players tend to filter out family-oriented chicks. TD Daygame has been talking about this on Twitter, although I don’t think he has a blog anymore, so I can’t link a canonical post on the subject. But chicks who want monogamy and families do exist…. they are the ones who are not intersted in guys who give off player vibes. Some of them are also very pretty. You can tell who they are because they usually have a small number of lifetime sex partners, usually don’t have sex immediately, and typically find guys who are attractive, have their shit together, and are career-oriented. Extremely sexually adventurous chicks make for interesting and fun stories… extremely family-oriented chicks don’t, usually. I am thinking of two chicks in particular I know who were (and are) very pretty and followed this pattern. Often they will compromise somewhat on looks and extroversion to get family-oriented and monogamous. They often find long-term guys in their 20s and often work jobs that give them access to guys with good earnings and family orientation.

Obviously there are many family-oriented, mostly monogamous chicks who will have one or two flings in their lives… if you catch them at the right time with the right game you may get with one of them. But for the most part these chicks keep their wilder impulses under control and filter guys for being better dads and providers. If a woman is looking for this she is not going to like players or guys who signal player. This is the kind of woman who, if you cold approach her, will say “no” and move on. She’s probably never been on Tinder or, if she has, she quit it in disgust. She’s not doing the things all the Red Pill guys complain about in sexually active women, but she’s also looking for a guy commensurate to her in value, so low value guys are going to be just about sexually invisible to her. I think a lot of online Red Pill guys are low value and thrashing about women because it’s almost impossible to overcome being low value, kind of like fat chicks complaining about men. For fat chicks, their number one problem in accessing higher-value men is being fat, and pretty much nothing they do without changing their diets and movement habits will improve their situation.

Reputation matters and chicks are going to judge you on, like you judge them on it (if you know them).

Sex skills for guys: psychology, preparation, and practice

Why’s there not more talk about the specifics of sex? I have some ideas… RedCoco says,

Pickup seems pretty quiet on the topic of sex skills.

I sense that as men we set our sexual baseline energy way too low when women are craving animalistic, dominant, rough sex from us.

We as men choose vanilla.

Women want the whole gelato bar!

I have a theory that most guys are not actually get laid much and the ones who are are not great in bed. I have been thinking about writing a “psychology of sex” essay to complement the sex-toy one (RPD wrote me, “Dude, thank you for the vibrator tip—chicks love that and it’s so easy”) … and now you have it. I haven’t written it because there are many good resources for sex skills, She Comes First being good. There is another one called The Sex God Method which is also fine. There is another one called Slow Sexthat is good for chicks who have trouble coming. Just F*ck Me! – What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. So there are lots of resources for guys who want to get better at f**king, but not so many for guys who want to get better at seduction and pickup, so that is where the community hammers.

There is probably one thing that I think is useful above all others… take your time. Demonstrate to her that you are not in a rush… I made this mistake many times when I was younger. Most guys are so thrilled that a decent chick is getting naked that they want to rush through foreplay and to the stage when their dick is inside her. This is very rarely the best way to be… sometimes it’s necessary if you’re for example in a public bathroom or a car, but if you’re able, take your time. Guys warm up close to instantly, chicks warm up like an iron… slowly, but with great heat at the end. You never hear a girl say, “Oh God, it was so nice when he got inside me so fast! Wow! Next time I hope he is inside me even faster.” Chicks don’t say, “He came in two minutes flat, that was great.” But she will often complain that he skimps foreplay, she wasn’t fully aroused, she needed more kissing, she was still in her head, etc.

Part of taking your time is exploring her. I like to kiss her lightly on the mouth for a while… then, depending on how she responds, more deeply. Usually I will go from her mouth to her neck, kissing lightly along either side of her wind pipe. I’ll also kiss her, also lightly and fleetingly, along her jaw, and sometimes her ears. Different women have different erogenous points that turn them on the most. A lot of teenagers “make out” by furiously attacking each other’s lips, forgetting that sometimes her neck will turn her on the most. This is a good way to start her up. See how her body responds. Does her breathing change? Does she gasp or moan or undulate? If you get good responses, do more of what gives the good responses, while not only focusing on that. If she likes kisses in the hollow of her collarbone, spend some time there, but not like ten minutes… try other places too.

You want to give her time to get mentally prepared too. So that she is not anxious. You want to be nonjudgmental and make sure she knows you like her body. So many women are self-conscious about their bodies.

During that, or after it, I start undressing her. When she’s topless I will often ask how sensitive she is here, while touching her nipples or breasts. A very sensitive woman demands a light touch, while a less sensitive one may like rough pinching and mauling. I work my way up a little bit slowly, testing to see her reactions. I will spank her a bit and see the reactions there. If she moans, arches, etc., she gets more spanking. If she seems neutral I’ll ask if she likes that. Most chicks are down for reasonable feedback. They don’t want a guy who stops every 90 seconds to check in with her, but a guy who is aware enough to see where she is, is good.

Eventually her pants come off, and I’ll often lick my fingers and play with her clit/pussy while her underwear is still on. The goal is still being pretty light. If she is not that wet I will keep licking my fingers to make sure she’s got good lube. Often I’ll slide one arm around her neck and offer a little pressure there to see how she reacts to being choked. Or I will kiss her neck. The goal is still to gauge her reactions. If she is extremely responsive I will accelerate some, picking her up, moving her around, kicking her feet apart, etc. I’ll slip her underwear off. If I am still dressed or mostly dressed my clothes go away.

From here I will sometimes go down on her, or have her go down on me, depending. If I’m not hard I touch myself or get her to blow me. Often I hold off on demanding blowjobs, because many chicks have been with uncalibrated guys who don’t reciprocate properly, and I don’t want her to wonder if she’s going to be giving and not getting. Many chicks say that guys won’t go down on them… so committing to doing this act enthusiastically is a mark setting me apart.

Then a condom goes on (if I have to use one) and I start fucking her, usually with her on her back at first. I don’t like doing doggystyle to very tight girls because it can be difficult to get inside her, and that can lead to injury (one player I know hurt himself decently bad this way). Then I will move her about, etc. I will often direct her hand to her clit so she can rub herself, since most chicks don’t come from internal stimulation alone.

From there the possibilities multiply. I might choke her. I will flip her over and do doggystyle. I will bend her over. I might put cuffs and collars on her. I might use nipple clamps, if she likes that kind of stimulation (I ask how sensitive her breasts are… very sensitive women usually don’t want clamps and that kind of thing). Typically I will hold her down in various configurations, again testing for responsiveness. Some chicks don’t like being choked or held down (they exist!) and I adjust if they don’t like it.

Often I come much faster than I want to, the first time I am with a new chick, and if I can control myself with deep breathing and mentally being present without being overly engaged I do that. If I come too soon, I go down on her.

As I get to know a chick better, I will offer her vibrators, butt plugs, etc. I try to have some fresh, unused ones stashed. If a chick loves anal so much that she requests it, I put a butt plug in her.

Later on I will also suggest bars in bathrooms, that kind of thing. Leading into sex clubs or events.

These are some of the things I think about/do. Again, depends on chick + circumstances. If a chick is already highly aroused as we walk in the door, I might pull off her underwear, flip up her skirt, and start f**king her the minute I get hard. If the chick is slow to warm up I might spend half an hour or more on her before I get inside her. If she is anxious I will sometimes slow down and tell her that there is no rush, we’re not going anywhere, that she has a nice body, and that she shouldn’t be ashamed of her desires, and if there is anything she wants me to do, to tell me. Just trying to remove shame/judgment from her mind can go a really long way with a lot of chicks. Sexually healthy and sex-positive chicks won’t need this as much but there are too few of those women out there. Many internalize social and societal shame around sexual expression and they carry this shame into the bedroom. The psychological skills can be as important as the physical ones. For guys the psychology is pretty simple, “Hot chick —> good —> put it in her —-> good —-> come in her —> good.” For women it can be much more complex than that.

There are probably some things I’ve forgotten. Big things are 1. take time. 2. gauge reaction. 3. express assertiveness/dominance, but not in a dictatorial way. Very few women want a guy who isn’t at least assertive, but they also want a guy who “gets” what they need/want/desire, and who doesn’t make them feel bad about their desires. Oh yeah and 4. practice. With anything you do you can ask yourself when you’re done what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what you should try differently next time.

RedCoco,

Porn is really the only public sex material we have to compare notes (and some of that is exaggerated/false behavior).

Sex parties are mostly secret so again we are unable to compare notes.

We trade notes on Red Pill/seduction, so why not sex skills?

Professional porn is usually terrible and impractical sex education… most of the thing is done for cameras, using angles that are good for the camera… most of the chicks are NOT enjoying themselves, and it’s obvious to anyone who has been with real women (some exceptions exist, clearly). Or if she is enjoying herself, she had a lot more warmup that occurred off-camera. Amateur porn usually doesn’t show the nuance of what is happening… what feels good is often not cinematic. Guys who rely on porn for sex education… are often going to be disappointed, or the girl is going to be disappointed.

I also don’t always include sex stuff in my (fairly rare) field reports because often we do one to four positions, they’re all good, and when we’re done we’re done. The specifics of the position are less important than the changes. Quality depends on the girl, how turned on I am, how able I am to hold back (sometimes very well, sometimes less well). Sometimes I’m nervous and don’t get hard right away. I’m pretty good about this… if I don’t get hard when I want to, I try and relax and just enjoy the situation. The more you worry, the worse the situation is. Being in a “flow” state is conducive to good sex, and being anxious is the opposite. There is a mental-physical link.

I think a lot of guys online are worried about BEING ALPHA and don’t want to admit vulnerability or poor performance, and simultaneously don’t want to be braggarts about high performance. Having had very high highs and very low lows, I can relate. Realistically, most of the time the best sex is not had in the first outing or even the third or fourth outing. Usually is takes five or more times to get sufficiently comfortable with each other to get to the best sex.

RedCoco says,

When I fuck a chick and write about it, I write specifically about the sex as there is a void in Lay Reports.

Usually the line is “one thing led to another and … the rest is history”. What is this: Mamma Mia the Musical?!

Give me some substance, man!

There are also a lot of paper alphas who say things like, “REAL MEN don’t go down on chicks.” For the vast majority of chicks, this is tremendously stupid advice, as most chicks cannot come from penetration alone, even when the penetration is prolonged or done well. If you (or her, or a vibrator) are not stroking her clit, she is very unlikely to come (and thus to bond to you). You usually need your hand, your tongue, her hand, or a vibrator on the external parts of her clitoris for her to orgasm. Some percentage of chicks can orgasm from internal stimulation alone (Short Dancer is one), but you should assume otherwise until you know for sure. Some chicks will also have blended orgasms, with their g-spots and external clit bulbs both contributing. Clitoris shape and sensation are also very variable, leading to variations in how chick prefer sex or are most stimulated by it.

Some chicks come with the ease of ordering a coffee, while other chicks find it very, very difficult to come. Paradoxically, the best way to let her come is to NOT put pressure on her to come. So I don’t do that. Outside of the moment, if she is an inexperienced girl or doesn’t seem to be climaxing, I will often ask her what she likes or fantasizes about. Most chicks are conditioned to be sex negative and to hide their desires, so this question doesn’t always elicit answers at first. As with most things around chicks and sex, it’s good not to try to force her to answer at first, but to leave the door open. A lot of chicks are kind of like cats: they’ll come around if you leave the space open for them.

I will often ask, when I can’t tell if the girl is still enjoying the sexual things I’m doing to her/with her, “Can I keep going?” I want the girl to have a full and complete experience but also not to over-stimulate her or to go past the point of discomfort. Imagine how unhappy you’d be if a chick tried to keep blowing you after you’ve finished. Pretty bad, right?

Think of it as directed exploration… go more slowly than you think you need to… be firm but not rigid.

There’s not a single checklist you can follow, but usually you can tell from some aspects of her breathing, moaning, and body undulations where she is.

Going down on a chick before I get inside her lets me know that she’s aroused, that she can accept two fingers inside her, and that she is wet. If she is not wet, I’ll often kiss/lick her labia (majora and minora) in addition to putting my wet fingers inside her.

If you’re having trouble entering, spit a little bit into hour hand and rub the top of your penis, or the head of the condom. Just a little lubrication will make entry easier. There’s a reason smart girls who need lube, have lube around. You should also have some lube around your place… some chicks genuinely need it and, if they do, you should stop and say “Let me get some lube.” Hormonal birth control will dry up some chicks. If she stops you, don’t get it, but most of the time she knows what she needs too. The exception is virgins or girls with little experience… I used to f**k some of those but have not in the last couple years.

Chicks seem to have more variation in preference than guys do. Some chicks find coming very hard, maybe impossible, and some can come once and then need to recover (like dudes) and some chicks can come like 10 or more times in a row. What you will do will depend on the chick. F**king her is like exploring a new space.

“Dominant” is usually good, but you can easily slip into “too dominant” and turn her off if you’re not paying attention to her body’s signs and signals. You’re the guy, so you should be directive and experimental, but you should also pay attention to her. Some chicks go crazy for being kissed on the neck.

Notice that RedCoco says wisely, “Women want the whole gelato bar!” Rough, dominant sex is good… so is more tender, caring sex… often in the same session. It’s also usually a good idea to work the chick up. If you’ve just gotten your clothes off, you generally don’t want to start jackhammering her and choking her right away (sometimes not at all, depending on the chick). So focus on getting her the whole gelato bar… not just vanilla… but also not just weird praline in bourbon fennel or whatever hipster gelato shops serve now.

“Aftercare” is a thing you can search for… if you have just had rough and dominant sex, she almost certainly needs to be held and cuddled. She almost always needs that… for most chicks, if there is not holding/cuddling at the end, it ruins the experience for her. She needs to “come down” from the intense sexual experience and needs your guidance to do so. Without it, she will not bond properly and may feel cheap/used/weird. With it, she will feel bonded and happy. Many guys, maybe most, are happy to get off, roll over, and go to sleep. Most chicks aren’t like that and need more.

There’s often a lot of subtlety to f**king well, but not a lot of frequent real-life discussion on how to do it… that’s why there are the books.

There is a lot of data here… you won’t remember all of it in the moment, if you are not an experienced guy… and you don’t need to. The top ideas, “Take your time” and “pay attention to her reactions” are the real important things. If you can do that you will probably have at least decent sex with her. Dominance and that sort of thing is a very good idea, as long as it is done well… which it is often NOT. There is give and take… you are “giving” her the dominant experience and you are also “taking” the sexual experience and pleasure… she is also “giving” you the submissive experience and taking her own kind of sexual pleasure. Even within dom/sub there is give/take. Sexuality thrives on polarity… this is also why lifting is important… most chicks thrive on knowing the guy is bigger/stronger than she is. I remember one time the girl I call Short Dancer was mock-fleeing from me on the bed… I grabbed her by her ankles and dragged her where I wanted her to be… she squeaked (cute) and said, “I forgot how strong you are!” Not going to lie, I liked hearing that.

Also not going to lie, that was after one of the interregnums in our experience together, and I did NOT like thinking that she’d probably f**ked another guy for whom that was not true. But she was naked in front of me, so I wished to focus on that.

Apparently I am stronger than I look or seem, which is kind of a neg but one I have heard in enough contexts to believe it’s true.

I’m more of a talker now than I used to be… more often saying things like, “Tell me if this becomes too intense,” that sort of thing. I think the release valve is important… she needs to know that she can get off the ride if she needs to.

I think most guys just don’t give a f**k about improving… I see how many people order a book from an Amazon link within 24 hours of clicking the link (but not who you are, don’t worry), and like 100 or 150 people will click the link and 0 or 1 will buy it. Most guys aren’t good and aren’t doing what they need to to get better… even guys hanging out in Redpill or seduction boards. Feels like kind of a waste to bother.

There are probably things I’m forgetting… the books are there… ideally the conversation will happen in blogs… I think most guys, once they achieve being good, forget about what the journey is like… and most guys are never good so it doesn’t matter. Most guys need to be “okay” so they can hold it down with their one girlfriend or wife, who tolerates them or kind of enjoys it. That’s pretty sad to think about it, but it also seems to be reality for most people/couples.

With the books about sex, I think the information is out there, but most guys don’t access it… because they don’t really need to and are not getting laid very much. The need is lower than forum posters would make you think.

A lot of general sex advice is also fine… it’s all there in the books already, and some of it is now in the videos. It’s sex, not general AI. One tricky thing is balancing dominance, reading the girl’s reactions, and incorporating feedback.

The book The Secret To Our Success is all about culture learning and how we learn from each other… the sex club world has a lot of that! Plus the competition aspect where you want to be better than the other guy. It’s very hard, maybe impossible, to be the very best without some good feedback… I won’t say coaching exactly, but something like it. You need to be experimental but also learn from other people, and learn the diversity of what chicks like.

With sex, I notice that the more I’m into the girl, the more she’s into me, and we get a positive feedback circuit. If I’m not really into the girl and that circuit isn’t active, it fizzles.

So there are some of my thoughts. There is no single set of steps, just a bunch of principles I apply with each woman.

Please leave feedback and tip of your own in the comments. Maybe we will get more and more direct bedroom talk in the community instead of “the rest is history.” If you have ever heard chicks talk about sex with their friends, you know that chicks share it all. The good, the bad, the weird. Guys are reticent.

Three chicks on the state of big-city dating

I stop by for takeout (no bread) after an event and eat about half of it there. The only space available is at a larger table. While I’m waiting for the meal, there are three chicks, one of them in the middle of the other two, and she is orating like Abraham f**king Lincoln. Girl will not shut up… put her in a reality TV show confessional and you’d have a show. She’s a very low 7 or high 6… I’ve done worse… I’ve done a lot better too… I learn she’d been f**king some guy, Orlando, from her work, and had discovered thanks to social media that he says “I love you” etc. to another woman. Mistake #1 from Orlando: don’t let your side piece into your social media.

This chick asks Orlando who the other woman is, and Orlando won’t give her a straight answer. The chick contacts the other woman and they talk. The other woman asked “Condoms?” The chick said no condoms were used. The other woman asked, “Birth control?” The chick said yes, she is on birth control and doesn’t want to bear some random’s child. They met up, had a drink, the other woman got too drunk and the chick I was listening to had to bring the other woman back to Orlando. This Orlando fellow is apparently an immigrant, too. Can’t tell if the speaker was white or Latina. He’s not paying for the apartment, the other woman is!

Ghetto-world girls #1, Shannon

In honor of me discussing ghetto dysfunction, the story of Shannon… she was from online, many years ago, right before I met Libido Girl, if I am remembering right, but after I had discovered that online dating worked (back then). The world has changed and now conventional online dating seems to fail, meaning that daygame is essential. I was also meeting some chicks at business/networking conferences, and it looks like those could still work decently well today.

This girl Shannon came out on a date quickly, after some chat on IM (a long time ago, like I said). It was a pretty late night date, which made me optimistic. We drank a bottle of wine outside… I thought she’d be an easy lay. She had to pick up a phone call… again, that long ago… and I remember telling her to leave the guy in voicemail and make out with me instead. While she talked I kissed her neck and when she finished we kissed for real. Most first kisses are not memorable… for some reason this one was. Despite her being a smoker I really liked kissing her. With some chicks a bit of kissing really gets me going, while with others it can take me a long time to get into the moment. In the teens and 20s I could get into almost any chick if she’s hot and willing enough… now I am a bit more particular… with chicks, with friends, etc. For younger guys I’m an advocate of gaining experience with chicks who are okay but might not be ideal, because that experience can be leveraged with the girls you really want later on. Just like how almost no one starts in their dream job, but experience gained in the early jobs are necessary to make the later, good jobs happen. Every so often someone manages to start their own company or otherwise get into the ideal situation fast, but that’s super rare, like a guy who just stumbles right into banging the hottest chicks with minimal effort. Plan for the normal route while being able to adapt to the fast route, if the fast route is available.

Shannon liked guys with my body type (said as much), so I think that’s where her attraction came from. The first night I thought she was going home with me but she didn’t, and I took her home. We made plans to see each other the next night. Same thing, same place, same wine, took me a long time to get her naked once we were home (later I realized she was playing for time). I very stupidly got drunk and raw dogged her right off. A stupid thing to do, and I have managed to wander through a bunch of land-mine fields without getting my leg blown off, miraculously. In the moment I have a bad “think with my dick” problem that I do not recommend to other guys… but here I am.

Christ… she was hot… but also liked to stay up to 3 a.m. every night, because of whatever reason. She was white, but totally ghetto trash. I kept seeing her a lot more than I should have… we had good f**king, but also a lot of scheduling conflicts. She was not as dumb as I would have expected but lacked education or desire to educate herself. She is the kind of girl who today would be lost in her phone 6+ hours a day, and then when I wanted to read after sex or when we were just hanging out, she would noodle around in a book and then get bored.

She liked me… I liked her in some ways… but she was too f**ked up for me. And her life story made no sense. She lived with an aunt and uncle pretty far outside town. I think she could have been a nice girl if she’d had a better home life, but she didn’t, and she wasn’t. She was good at being submissive in bed and doing what I told her to do. She is another one who got more into me than I was into her… she could sense the coolness and distance in me… and in her case in made her chase too much (a little sign of dysfunction there: functional chicks want to keep themselves within one level of the guy’s investment).

Shannon’s friends were also nightmares… she only had a few because of moving around, and I believe that her moving history, plus her being bored working at the hotel, drove her to date online. If she’d been just a little less dysfunctional, I might have tried more seriously to catapult her into middle-class values. But she was too far gone, despite her young age. I don’t like being captain-save-a-ho… that’s a stupid thing to attempt and almost never works… but I do like trying to encourage people to become the best person they can become, if they are open to that… most people are not open to improvement, despite what they say. Same reason trying to help most hapless guys online is useless… most of them don’t have the preconditions necessary to make real improvements. The preconditions are often psychological in nature.

Despite all of this, Shannon had a nice p***y and I could do just about whatever I wanted to her in bed. I also f**ked her quite a few times in hotel rooms at the hotel she worked at.

A hot girl she worked with flirted with me quite a bit, and when Shannon and I broke up I tried to f**k her, failed. There was a girl just on the wrong side of too heavy who sent me dirty messages (non-Facebook instant message systems were prevalent) and wanted to f**k me, but she was too fat. There was also a beta-type dude who wanted to f**k Shannon but wasn’t and HATED me. He needed the game… I should have given him a copy… and I should have showed him a pic of me f**king Shannon. Kind of a b***h move, and probably pointless.

Shannon was pretty f**ked up, which I usually don’t go for, but she was also hot. I wonder if she was selling her cooze at the hotel to guests. With a girl like her… you never know… she would talk about her desire for romance sometimes, but her behavior and attitudes said otherwise.

With most ghetto white chicks, I don’t have sufficient edge or psychological degeneracy for them. And most ghetto chicks are NOT hot, because they have terrible nutrition and life habits, along with IQs too low to fix their problems. There is the very rare chick who has a decent IQ and is genuinely in awful circumstances, but they are definitely the exception. Shannon didn’t have good habits… but she was young enough and had lucky enough genetics to get past that. Like with most ghetto chicks, or just ghetto people in general, I would get exasperated with her dysfunctional thought processes and behaviors, and she like the results of my world-builder impulses, but not the process of my world-builder impulses. Many people want the rewards without having to put in the work, and she was like that.

I dated some other pretty ghetto white chicks here and there, but they pretty much all came from online, many years ago, when online worked, and a few have come from miscellaneous chats here and there, rather than bulk daygame. There was also a woman, less overtly ghetto, who’d had a kid with some black guy, who not surprisingly took off. She had an amazing body for having had a kid. She was the one who, when I said something about her life showing that she’s made extremely bad life decisions, accused me of being a racist… whatever… that shit might fly in social media, but it doesn’t make a guy commit to you. I’m sure she found some guy to subsidize her. Life is hard enough, then you add in really bad decision-making like her, and it gets unbelievably harder. You should have read radicalizing the romanceless (red pill while denouncing red pill) and its link to the rush from judgment, about how being kumayah and non-judgmental is f**king stupid. You can be excessively judgmental or excessively non-judgmental.

When it comes to short-term and just-for-fun liaisons with chicks, I am extremely non-judgmental and encourage them to share their fantasies, histories, etc. This is how players get chicks to open up. But when it comes to function/dysfunction in every day life… I am super judgmental… and very attuned to what it takes to thrive. I feel bad for people with ghetto world values, but I also can’t fix them, usually. And we are too disparate to be attracted to one another properly, usually.

You are not a special and unique sunflower: Jung and game

I tweeted this, last week, “At least half a dozen guys have messaged me to say they think they know a chick from one of my stories.” Ms. Slav, most often… since I’ve written most often about her. I think the repeated identifications are a sign, a sign that patterns in human behavior are universal. We are less unique than we think.

What is happening to me… is happening to guys and chicks in every city. It’s happening all around you, you just don’t know it, or realize it. I didn’t know about this whole sex club, open relationship world existed until the chick I call #1 introduced me to it. Now I realize that it’s organized and that the people in it have to be organized if they’re going to keep it going on a regular basis. I have also slowly realized that the number of people involved is far, far greater than I ever would have realized. And also that more women are open to it than young Red Quest would have guessed. Many women are open to this pattern… though almost all want primary partners too.

To our parents… we are irreplaceable. And if our parents are any good, they are irreplaceable to us. But the parent/child relationship has many patterns. Rapidly, as you move away from that, we are more and more replaceable, and more like other people. Ideally, children are the same to their parents… they are a pattern, yes, but also unique and irreplaceable.

Game is about learning the patterns… if there were no patterns, it’d be no good.

I am more similar to other guys like me than I want to think. You are probably more similar to other guys than you want to admit.

Because the patterns are universal, I see patterns in other people and they see them in me. Baller psychologist Carl Jung argues that each of us taps into a universal unconscious that shapes us… maybe that is also why so many people believe in reincarnation/access to past lives… because that is the universal pattern reaching into them. The book I have been talking about lately, KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, is heavily influenced by Jung. It sets up types of guys. You should read it to get your head straight, and to figure out which type you are most… I am most MAGICIAN, I’m sure regular readers will not be surprised to discover. This has good aspects and bad aspects… good or bad I’m kind of stuck with them… I will probably never truly be a KING or WARRIOR guy, regardless of my own desires. To change fundamental types at this stage in my game… not easy.

The interesting thing to me is that no guy, from what I have seen, has written comprehensively about the patterns involved in game (as elucidated by Krauser, etc.) AND the patterns involved in sex clubs. A few people have written about one or the other, but not both.

That’s the one uncommon thing about me. I have seen the patterns and reported back on them. Guys have been seeing the patterns in game for a while… Nash wrote about a book from the ’70s that isn’t SO different from what modern gamers do. The old newsgroup alt.seduction spawned the SoSuave forum, and those two things energized Neil Strauss and Mystery. Strauss and Mystery seeded the London Daygame guys. All of those sources have percolated in my own mind, and they have influenced the book I put out.

Smartphones are changing some tactics but the overall strategy is the same. Jung gets it… he understands that we are patterns, and, if we are to have a chance at breaking the pattern, we have to see it first. Most guys never get the sex lives they want because they have bad value or they never get the patterns down. We need to read books so we can find the patterns hidden from us in our regular lives. Many men are frustrated by the game (that is the cause of sites like PUAhate and SLUThate) because they think they can never engage the methods that make guys successful, or the reality of sexual competition contravenes their early programming… frequently religious and sometimes feminist.

Knowing you are second-rate, sexually… it must be hard. Now we have porno and game blogs that CONFIRM you are a second or third rate guy. How do you respond? Some guys up their game. Some guys fall into depression. Some guys engage in denial, hate, and anger. Some guys spend their lives hunting for the girl who is the exception… there are girls who are exceptions… they are just super rare. If you have the skills to get girls in the centre of the distribution, you likely have the skills to get the rare girls, but not the other way around.

I think that’s the psychology behind haters and male feminists… the ones who see the pattern but can’t learn how to use the pattern. Guys who succeed learn the seduction process, through experience or synthetically through the game. Our processes are pretty similar. We think we are special, but we are wrong. Other guys think they know the chicks I have discussed… actually, they are seeing archetypes of those chicks, and that’s it.

Trippy, right? At the top of the game, the game starts to sound like hippie bullshit again. At the bottom of the game, the game is a struggle to amass sufficient value to attract decent chicks. It’s very dog-eat-dog.

When we are kids we think we are special. Some people never get past that notion. The rest of us learn that we have to make ourselves special.

When you read a book like WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER you find out that you are less special than you had thought… but you also learn how to optimize your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. I have many weaknesses… but I have probably not emphasized them in the writing here. Maybe they can be guessed.

It’s funny to me, being the repository for other people’s projections and experiences.

One of the big things many guys have to learn, or unlearn, is that women love f**king… but they are compelled by their psychologies to conceal that somewhat, and they are told by the society they grow up in to conceal their love. So a lot of guys remain ignorant about female nature for a long time… some guys forever… thus movies like THE MATRIX resonating. Learning the truth, recognizing your own inadequacy in some domains… it can be very painful. For guys who are soft, who have never competed in sports or lifted in the gym, it can be really hard. For guys who have spent their lives optimizing the wrong thing, thinking that women will be attracted to well-paid, boring IT workers… it can be brutal and shattering.

There is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Particularly for men.

Girls who do stupid things, like yell back at a carload of guys late at night

Last night I went to a party and afterwards came back with three other people, two girls and a guy. As we were walking back to one of the girls’s place, someone in a car full of black guys yelled… something… I don’t know what, at the girls. And the one I knew yelled back and gave them the finger. Mind, the hour was late and we were in a deserted neighborhood, in a neighborhood that might politely be called gentrifying.

We were crossing the street, and the guy driving the car kept going, then stopped to start to spin around, to return to us. I told the girls to hurry, which the one who shouted didn’t really do… I kept an eye on the car, but fortunately it got caught up in some other cars coming and going, and we got inside the building. I’m not sure that the girls or the other guy realized what was happening, but, when we got inside, I told her that it’s not smart to yell at a car load of guys in on an empty street late at night… she disagreed some… she might be right about them being assholes, but that the time and place for taking her feminist stance was completely wrong.

I was also totally unarmed, without even an extending baton or real pepper spray (triple-action spray). I think this chick forgets that there are two worlds, maybe more than that but I will focus on these two… a predominantly white and Asian white-collar professional world with norms that focus on resolving conflict verbally, trading, making money, etc. The other world is predominantly black and focused on brutality, drugs, and prison mores. It’s dysfunctional and a lot of people in the white, top world forget that the black, bottom world exists. If you fail to remember this, you may pay for it… last night we were fine, but there were four or five of them and two of us. It’s somehow racist to point out that I don’t want to deal with a car full of guys and them being black makes it worse.

It’s a mistake to think your world is the only one… many white-world dwellers condemn the police, often justifiably, for publicized instances of brutality… but I think the police also absorb a lot of the ghetto world street mores, not law school world mores, and they forget that the other world exists. Police also mostly keep ghetto dysfunction in its place. In many cities, we have built palaces to ghetto dysfunction called public housing, or just bad neighborhoods… but many people are pushing into those bad neighborhoods, and conflict results. White liberal voters want MORE palaces of ghetto dysfunction, as long as the palace is far away from their immediate neighborhood. I was basically in one of those gentrifying neighborhoods. If you go outside of your zone, you are also seeking conflict, which is not smart (unless you know what you are doing and do it deliberately, in which case good for you I guess).

Obviously there are many black people in the white, productive world and many white people in the ghetto values world, but the pattern is super clear, and assume the pattern holds until proven otherwise. That is why I wrote in the fashion post about two black guys I know/knew who did well with white chicks, and how they consciously or unconsciously worked to neutralize the ghetto race associations. The associations that the guys from last night were diligently working to cement. They were probably guys who are used to going to prison, have been in and out of it, etc., which are also the guys I don’t want to deal with unless I absolutely have to.

So I was annoyed with this chick. If she wants to pick a fight with a carload of black guys in an area with lots of traffic during the day, that’s her prerogative I guess. But it’s a f**king stupid thing to do late at night. I have become somewhat more preoccupied with just not putting up with retarded behavior.

I have talked about this before, but most chicks who have problems with guys invite those problems in. This girl’s behavior would be an example of inviting the problem in. I think I have a little bit more contact with or knowledge of the ghetto world than most white city liberals, so I am less tolerant of interacting with it. Overall I like this girl and no one is perfect, but damn it’s annoying to watch someone invite dysfunction into her life this way.