“I Love My Boyfriend Dearly—but I’m Desperate to Have Sex With Other Men”

I Love My Boyfriend Dearly—but I’m Desperate to Have Sex With Other Men” is a “Don’t get married” classic. Notice that this woman’s plea for infidelity is also being published in a mainstream venue. Giving women permission and encouragement to cheat is now mainstream.

If a guy had written in with the same letter, he would be told that he needs to honorably control his libido. But since it’s a woman writing in, she’s told, “Our bodies have a way of deciding these things for us, even when we think we know better.”

I don’t think guys who get married deserve the financial and legal hellfire that rains on them when they divorce. But at this stage, a guy should really know what he’s signing up for when he is foolish enough to marry a woman.

Many people are attempting to make a lifelong commitment that they cannot or will not keep. Maybe we should all be a little more honest with ourselves.

Slate is running a lot of “Don’t get married” stories. “I Recoil When My Husband Tries to Touch Me” is another. When this woman divorces her husband, she’ll get half of the property he’s accumulated. In what world is that fair? Attention is the only weapon modern men have, and marriage takes it away and incentives the woman to eventually divorce him.

If you are a man and you marry a woman who makes less money than you, you are gambling with huge downside and virtually no upside.

In my view, there are only two kinds of relationships: relationships in which you plan to have children with a woman, and all other kinds of relationships. There are only two scenarios where I can kind of, sort of see the appeal of marrying:

  • You want to have kids with a woman, but she won’t have kids with you unless you marry her first.
  • You want to make sure a woman gets a green card / US citizenship, and marriage is a way to make that happen. Even then, you should go through the pre-nup process and orchestrate a pre-planned divorce sequence with her.

I still think the first strategy is high-risk for limited rewards, but I can at least see the rationale for it. But you still risk becoming the man she recoils from, or the guy sitting at home while she’s desperate to have sex with other men. Doesn’t seem like a good gamble to me.

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“The Married Woman Who’s Been Cheating for 6 Years”

The Married Woman Who’s Been Cheating for 6 Years.”

Like I’ve said, don’t get married. The risk-reward ratio is way out of whack. Notice that she’s trying to conceive while at the same time having an affair.

I’ve written this before, but there is a real chance that a woman I met at a business conference years ago may have had my kid, in a situation not too far off from this one. The timing matches up. Could easily be her husband’s. Or some other guy’s, for all I know.

“How to keep sex hot in a long-term relationship”

How to keep sex hot in a long-term relationship” is 90% clickbait, but this is true:

It is easy to assume our sex lives suffer in a long-term relationship. Mismatched libidos, stress and boredom can each play a part. But pleasure between the sheets doesn’t have to dwindle.

A lot of people (especially women) let sex go:

I was starting a new relationship and I didn’t want sex to be a low priority as it had been in my seven-year marriage.

Then they are surprised when their relationship doesn’t work. If you do not make sex a priority, your relationship will suffer. I like the “say yes” principle, in which both people in a couple should say yes to sex if at all possible, even if one person is “tired” or “not in the mood” or the other stupid things that prevent people from getting busy.

Most often, it’s the woman’s fault for losing interest, but it is also true, realistically, that a lot of guys don’t try. For a couple to work, both people have to try.

I think about this in terms of my own life. If my co-parent had been more pliant and compliant, I would probably still be with her and none of my many game adventures of the last decade and a half would have happened. This blog would not have happened. My view of women would not be complete, as I think it is now.

She basically “let herself go” after kids and, simultaneously, said no to pretty much every overture I made. Although I was working incredibly hard at the time, she complained endlessly about the work she had to do. She could have simply said, “Dinner is on the table honey, would you like another blowjob?” a couple nights a week, and that, combined with a good disposition, would probably have been enough.

Instead, our sex life went to almost nothing. She was most obsessed by competing with the other mommies. She wanted me to buy her more stuff. She did not seem to realize that we did not have equal value in the relationship, or in the dating market. As my value was rising with age and work experience, hers had cratered. Post-partum she was nowhere near as physically attractive as she had been, and at the same time, from the perspective of other men, she was burdened with little kids.

I was increasingly not at home, to the point where I eventually rented a tiny but wonderful studio close to my then-office. I didn’t want to pull the plug, while at the same time I didn’t see a good way forward. As I began exploring the sexual alternatives, she didn’t seem to mind or notice, not at first, which was a tremendous mistake on her part. The more mean and demanding she became towards me, the more I withdrew. The more I withdrew, the more demanding she became.

This is the stupidest girl game I think I have ever seen. You can only successfully bluff in poker if the other players have not seen your cards. I had seen all her cards. She had nothing. I think she just thought that if she huffed and puffed enough, I would bend to her will… showing that she knew nothing about me at all. Or that female sexual market value declines after having children. It doesn’t go up. That is why women, even those who are having sex with multiple men, try to husband-up the best possible candidate when they find themselves in the family way.

Things did eventually dissolve between us, and that left her worse-off than ever. Although she sued for child support, the total child support was considerably less than in real terms than she’d gotten by living with me. I didn’t have the income to support two households, and because we weren’t married she got considerably less than she would have if we had been. My needs were ultra low (for a couple years I lived without a car… motorcycle-only… and bicycle… get this: BEFORE Uber). I spent money on rent for a small studio, kept the motorcycle going, paid for food and gym, and that was just about it. Apart from child support, obviously.

I don’t think she was thinking straight or understood what was happening. She behaved emotionally instead of rationally. She did try to reconcile with me, but by then I had realized the power of online and offline dating. My income continued to increase, while she struggled. She failed to realize that her roles in our relationship were cooking, childcare, and sex, while mine were income and fixing things. Traditional roles, in other words, but she didn’t realize it because she’d been brainwashed by feminism, or women’s magazines, or friends, that she Deserved Better. Or something. I don’t know what. The problem is that I also realized I Deserved Better… and got it.

But if her disposition had been different… if she’d committed to being pleasant around me and doing our sex life correctly… I would have stayed with her. Probably to the very end. We were too young. In some ways, she might have done me a favor.

Now she is okay, except I don’t think she likes her husband very much. She did find a much older guy, “Beta bucks” as some guys would call him, and lassoed him. I think she would have been better off staying with me, but that was not in her personality or psychology then. She had to learn the hard way.

Sort of like I had to learn the hard way that it is not smart to have a lot of sex with women without condoms. Except I still do that. Feels too good in the moment, man. It’s a dumb thing to do, but I keep doing it anyway. Maybe I am not so all-knowingly smart as I sometimes present myself.

“The ‘Untrue’ Woman” is another lesson to guys: don’t get married.

The ‘Untrue’ Woman” is another lesson to guys: don’t get married. Marriage means giving up half your net worth and income for… what, again? If you think it fidelity, you may be in for a surprise.

That first link is to an article, but the book is titled, “Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.” It’s more Red-Pill ideas wrapped in a feminist package. I’m split as to whether I should read it. It does look like a useful book for guys to give to chicks who need some intellectual background for open relationships. But the book also reads like something I already know and understand.

With each chapter, Martin builds a case for the primacy of female infidelity and for a societal reckoning with that truth

When Red-Pill guys do this, it’s sexism. When women do it, it’s liberation. Same ideas, different speakers.

Really, really, don’t get married–take it from a woman

I spoke of Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, last year, but I was looking at it again after recommending it to a friend. Somehow I missed this the first time through:

Danica is hardly the first woman who shuts down at home and wakes up outside. Hers is archetypal tale of the muting of eros. I see women like her all the time—usually dragged into therapy by their frustrated husbands who are tired of being rejected, night after night. The typical complaint is: she is totally absorbed with the kids and has zero interest in sex. But it’s these very same women, I’ve found, who “come alive” in a completely unexpected romance.

Many men struggle to understand how the woman who can’t be bothered in the marital bed is suddenly having a torrid affair in which she just can’t get enough. For years, they’ve been thinking she’s just not interested in sex, period; now, with new evidence in hand, they reconsider—”she must not be interested in sex with me.”

For men, the reasons women behave this way is less important than the takeaway: don’t marry. Don’t cohabitate. Have an exit plan if you do anyway.

Seriously. Why would you want to be married to a Danica? I know you don’t believe your precious snowflake will turn into a sexless harpy (around you), while wantonly screwing other dudes, but reality doesn’t care about what you believe.

To a player, this book’s major lesson is, “Hitting on married women is a fine idea.” Hit her up at the right time and see what happens.

You can be the guy she cheats ON or WITH.

Choose.

“Author Robin Rinaldi’s open marriage experiment ends in divorce and a memoir”

I’m on the record recommending that men not marry. I’m also on the record recommending sex clubs and open relationships as part of a guy’s game repertoire. But if a guy is going to ignore my advice about marriage, he should also avoid sex clubs. Sex clubs and partner swapping is great in a low-stakes relationship. Chicks don’t respect relationships or monogamy today anyway, so leveraging a hot chick in order to more easily have sex with other hot chicks makes sense.

In a marriage, however, the woman holds all the cards because she can easily divorce a man and take half his assets and a fair amount of his money going forward. Marriage gives a woman all the leverage and leaves a man with none. “Author Robin Rinaldi’s open marriage experiment ends in divorce and a memoir” is a demonstration of why a married man should not do open relationships:

So began the San Francisco magazine writer’s year of living lustfully. Week nights, she rendezvoused with lovers at her downtown apartment or at a coed commune dedicated to sexual expression. Weekends she spent cozily at home with her husband, a man she loved and had been with for 18 years.

Granted, in this case, they would have divorced eventually anyway. I’m not going to analyze the whole piece through an evolutionary biology, Red Pill lens (the many Red Pill elements are obvious), but I’m going to leave it here as an example of the hazards a man faces in a contemporary marriage.

To my mind, a man who wants kids today should just pick a woman, have kids with her, and get the kids DNA tested. She may eventually leave and sue for child support, which sucks, but it’s better to pay only child support, instead of child support AND alimony.