“I’ve never had a boyfriend before”

Went out with a 22-year-old girl who I met at a private sex party. When I met her at the party she was on molly, wildly fun, and incredible to be around. On the date she seemed half dead, apparently due to drinking while watching some sports game at a bar the night before.

Among other things, she doesn’t seem to have a real job, that I can discern, and she says that she moves a lot because she goes “where the wind takes me.” The most intersting thing she said, though, is that “I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” I told her I think that’s very sad (and I do think it’s sad). But it’s also pretty obvious why she hasn’t. She’s like a walking, big-titted string of millennial Red Pill cliches.

At the party where we met we made out, I fondled her quite a bit, and if I’d not been out of ammo I think we would’ve fucked. On the date it was like we were strangers. I’ve written that women are totally capricious because they can be, but it’s rarely thrust in my face as obviously as it was with this chick.

I learned a long time ago that there is no point in getting angry with chicks for their bad behavior. At best they stammer an apology and run away. It’s still not inconceivable that I’ll bang her at some point. God that chick has a great body. And she is stupid in ways she doesn’t even understand. Before I started reading Red Pill and evolutionary biology material, I don’t think I fully understood chicks like her.

Not much of a field report because very little of interest happened, but many aren’t.

The 80/20 principle and why “there are no good men out there”

On Reddit, a guy wrote a post, “The Pareto Principle, women’s tendency to complain that there are ‘no good men out there,’ and its application to YOUR confidence levels.” It’s pretty good, unlike many posts, and men should know that 20% of the guys likely slam 80% of the women. For most guys, it’s possible (albeit through work) to hit that top 20%. The guy who has more options also gets more options through the winners effect (winning a little begets more winning).

In addition, most women want to look up to a guy—to find a guy they perceive to have higher perceived SMV than their own. That’s why putting a chick on a pedestal is so defeating and gross. But mentally stable 8+ chicks perceive very few guys as higher value. So yeah, she may have 99 options, but she’s pining for the one guy who four other chicks pine too. That guy probably has enough options that he’s a little “whatever” about her, which makes her like him even more, leading to a feedback loop… in which she thinks there are “no good guys” out there, because she disqualifies so many good guys.

Women do perceive themselves as having very few options because they want to date and marry “up.” As a woman nears the top of the beauty and mental sanity pool, that becomes hard. The average man is attracted to the average woman, while the average woman is not attracted to the average man (Mate by Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller discusses this, and so does a hidden RP book called Dataclysm). By default, except for the very top guys, most women are not going to be attracted to a given guy. Guys must get used to rejection, early in the process (later in the process, it’s more common for a guy to reject the chick).

This 80/20 rule is why every guy doing online dating needs to learn basic photography. If he learns basic photography, he sets himself far apart. I’ve looked through chicks’s online dating matches with them. Chicks are right that probably 90% of their matches are hideous. Hot chicks have it worse. If you have not tried this, I recommend you do with your next plate or FWB or lover. Most chicks have online dating profiles, though they don’t want to admit it.

Guys further don’t understand that for women, perception is reality. For guys, reality is reality. Guys are more like engineers and chicks and more like marketers. To a woman, the desirability of a man is probably based less on his underlying traits than on how much other chicks like him.

To some women, I’ve been in the top one percent of guys; to others, I’ve been, if not in the bottom ten percent, then sexually invisible or repulsive. In a man’s life, he has the opportunity to play many roles. If he works hard and learns about human sexuality, he may have the opportunity to get in that top 20 percent (given how little most guys try, this is easier than it may seem). It may be very hard for him, but overcoming difficulty is how we grow. School presents too few difficulties, and difficulties of the wrong sort, to let us grow.

The other problem chicks face is that “good” men by definition already have girlfriends. If they don’t have girlfriends, they must not be that good. I’ve been somewhat successful over time because I usually have a backup reserve of possible girlfriends; when one leaves, I immediately hit up any and all plausible replacements for dates. I’m going to try going on a date with one of Bike Girl’s friends this weekend. It may not work. But she’s been flirting with me for a while, so it might work. Having loose connections with potential future girlfriends is the main exception to the “don’t have female ‘friends'” rule.

I also made a move on a 22-year-old I know, loosely, through work, and I think she was attracted to me because she knew about my sex-positive disposition and interest in sex parties and non-monogamy (done well, this is powerful pre-selection). Probably one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen, although with a weird, introverted personality that works for me. Very introverted, but I failed: she has a girlfriend and the night we met, we first met in a coffee shop, and I thought that was going to be it. But it was “on,” so I moved her to a bar to get drinks, though I had no good logistics in place. She had a (probably true) time constraint as well. I’ll write a longer post about her at some point, but she’s bisexual and mostly dates women. For a guy who wants to get laid, “bisexual” is one of the best things he can hear, because it codes as “likes sex a lot” and “easier to get in bed.” We talked yesterday and she said she wants to ice us. Too bad, because I’ve got a horrible crush on her. It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a real, honest-to-God crush. In retrospect I shouldn’t have moved on her when I did, but I thought the follow-up would be a layup. Nope.

The only thing I can do now is withdraw attention and wait. I know intellectually that’s the right move, but when you’ve got it bad for a crush that’s hard to do. I have to fight my own instincts.

I think I’m writing right now out of the pain of not getting, and likely losing, her. It’s been a long time since one hurt. It’s probably good for me. Reminds me of what the typical guy is feeling. I’m trying to think of the last one I had it this bad for and can’t think of any. I want to get her out of my mind, but I can’t.

Turning down marginal notches

I don’t know what it means when a guy begins turning down marginal notches. Maybe it means nothing other than that he’s bored of sex for its own sake. In my 20s, I basically went out of my way to sleep with any woman who I thought at all acceptable. Sometime in my early 30s, I stopped.

For inexperienced guys, it’s almost always a good idea to gain experience and go for the marginal lays. F**king a lot of different chicks will improve your knowledge of women, sex, the variety of female psychologies, etc. Often there is some attractive feature of a woman you can focus on. Even if you’re not 100% into the woman’s body or body type, doggystyle can still usually be pretty good.

To be sure, truly ugly women aren’t worth going for… there are many women I have turned down since I was very young: fat ones, most commonly. Fat chicks are often sexually aggressive because they have to be, as no decent guy will pursue them. I’ve also turned down a few religious chicks, in high school and early college, who I realized were time wasters and not going to have sex regardless of whether they liked me or how hard I tried.

As an adult, the most common problem I see among marginal women is, “Just a little bit too heavy.” I met one of those a while ago, and if she’d been just a few years younger or a few pounds lighter I would’ve gone for her. But she wasn’t and I couldn’t be bothered… a part of me still thinks, “She’s an easy lay, you should do her.” A larger part of me that thinks, “She won’t look that good naked anyway, and will the experience be better than reading a good book?” Probably not.

I stopped keeping track of numbers a long time ago. Every guy whose number is low thinks the number matters: the paradox is that guys whose number is high come to realize the number doesn’t mean much (this girl started to ask the number question, then stopped herself). Women can sense the difference… just like they can sense the difference between sex-positive guys who encourage their sexuality and sex-negative guys who will shame them.

(I’m not saying shame has no place. It does for a guy who wants a monogamous relationship and kids that he knows are his.)

Some guys, probably including me when I was younger, chase sex because of the physical pleasure, yes, but also the sense of validation, achievement, fulfillment, etc. Once a guy has done it enough, however, he realizes that the validation is empty for anyone but himself. No one really cares who he is f**king except him. And no matter how amazing it was the night before, the next morning he wakes up and still does whatever he does and is whoever he is.

This post is probably boring to many of you, and if I had read a similar piece when I was in my 20s I likely would’ve dismissed the guy as a jag-off and gone back to hounding. Beautiful women and sex excite me, but they are not so dominant as they were, and marginal chicks hold very few learning experiences for me. Maybe biology is catching up with me.

Like I said, though, for younger guys with less sex/woman experience, marginal notches are still valuable. And f**king almost any okay-looking chick raises your sexual market value in the eyes of other chicks. When you know your value is high, and you have experience with a decently large number of chicks, you don’t need the marginal chicks so much, though you may f**k one occasionally anyway, particularly in the middle of a dry spell.

I think I expected threesomes, group sex, sex with insanely hot chicks, etc. to make me into someone or something else… none of those things did. They might have at the very beginning, as a form of proof to myself or my psyche, but they don’t anymore. I know I can, but now what?

DNA confirms: women like to screw around, lie about it

DNA confirms: women like to screw around, lie about it:

The site uses your DNA to match you with other relatives in the 23andMe database. How often do you hear about people who discover they’re actually adopted or have a secret sibling?

Every day. Every day. The nonpaternity average in this country is much higher than people think it is. There’s a good chance there’s an “Uncle Joe” in your family who’s actually just “Joe.” So everyone has a story like that; they just don’t necessarily know it. In the early days, we wondered: How are we going to handle this? And in some ways, I think we’ve helped normalize it.

Think about that, “the nonpaternity average in this country is much higher than people think it is,” next time you’re uncertain about approaching, or the next time you think, “She could be the one, I should get married.”

When I have some time I will write about the woman who may have had my kid. I met her at a work conference but didn’t directly work with her; she was married and had had one kid already; sorry to say that she wasn’t that hot; she wanted me to use a condom, while I did not want to use a condom; the timing with her kid #2 works out suspiciously. I don’t know for sure.

If we had a country and medical system that gave a shit about men, DNA tests would be mandatory at birth. But we don’t. We live in a world centered around female privileges absent any female responsibilities, and we live in a world where men are judged solely on performance. Maybe we shouldn’t live in this world, maybe we should: but it is the world we do live in, whether that is good or bad. 

“What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity”

“What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” doesn’t go full Red Pill, but it gets closer than is typical.

This also supports my basic point: don’t get married.

Some guys still believe that long-term monogamy is possible today. I don’t. Once a guy accepts that, a lot of other things will fall into place.

“What It’s Like to Go Through Life As a Really Beautiful [Unaware] Woman”

“What It’s Like to Go Through Life As a Really Beautiful [Unaware] Woman”  is more Redpill than the Red Pill.

My looks definitely opened doors for me.

We know.

One of the worst things about being beautiful is that other women absolutely despise you. Women have made me cry my whole life. When I try to make friends with a woman, I feel like I’m a guy trying to woo her. Women don’t trust me.

Probably half looks and half personality.

Men were more loyal friends, but my boyfriends would always say: That’s because they want to get laid.

The men are right.

I never had any trouble getting guys, but I got bored easily and moved on. I should have taken the good ones more seriously. I can see now that they would have been good husbands, fathers, and providers but I’d just drift away on to the next and stop returning their calls.

This explains why other women don’t want their men around this woman. She gets “bored easily,” so she’s constantly looking for options. Women like men other women like.

“Gets bored easily” means that she likes to sleep around. Nothing wrong with that, but a woman who wants serial monogamy doesn’t want a hot, easy chick around her men.

As far as men, and anyone under 40 is concerned, I am invisible. They do not see me. I could walk across the street naked — it’s that bad.

We know thanks to evolutionary biology and common sense why this is. A woman who isn’t sexually viable gets judged the way almost all men get judged. This woman is hurt to be invisible in a way that men hurt their entire lives, until they accomplish enough to not be invisible.

But as far as the world is concerned? I’ve lost all my value.

If your only value is your looks, then yes, when you get older no one except your family cares about you. This woman is demonstrating that she had no other value. Congratulations on broadcasting that. Is that the smart thing to broadcast? Maybe, maybe not, but a woman whose only value is her looks might not realize the smart thing to do.

I don’t know whether this woman’s delusions are common or rare. If they’re common, I think other women are better at hiding them.

Good Looking Loser is dead; long live GLL. Why Reddit only works for newbies

This post, and all future posts, is now on Substack.

Good Looking Loser reappeared, for the first time since 2016, with a 3,500-word post, “The Most Important Good Looking Loser Concepts to Get Your Sex Life Right.” It’s a rehash of the rest of the site, but that’s fine, because the site is more or less “complete.” It can be read like a book (Red Quest is also now similarly “complete”). There’s garbage on GLL (supplements, “bath mate,” anything involving the word “gorilla” or “Cernovich,” who is a clown attempting to lead a sad army), but if you ignore the garbage and focus on getting laid, you’ll do all right. If you really want to “max out” your looks, that is.

GLL targets underperforming guys in their teens and 20s. It’s less useful for the 40+ crowd, where guys should still work on their looks but are realistically not going to be as cut as 23-year-old guys.

Chris also never goes “all the way” into getting laid, in the sense of pursuing non-monogamy… he always stays within the monogamy cultural frame, which probably inhibits his ability to retain women. Now, he says he’s getting married (I hope he has a hell of a prenup). He rarely, maybe never, goes beyond conventional 1:1 dating and into sex clubs. Maybe he’s not into that kind of thing, but, to me, sex clubs are, at their best, pre-selected venues for highly-sexed women. They’re also ways to retain women in lover or friend-with-benefit situations.

GLL annoyingly pushes bogus supplements… Chris should just get a real, honest job, rather than trying to con guys with supplements, etc… so I am not endorsing everything on his site. It has some legitimate material and some bullshit.

(This blog will eventually die too, or decline into theoretical rants. I’m not as driven by sex as I was in my teens, twenties, or early thirties. I don’t have as much to say about it beyond what I’ve already said, and other guys, like Krauser and Tom Torero, have far better step-by-step material.)

I tried submitting “The Most Important Good Looking Loser Concepts to Get Your Sex Life Right” to the seduction page of Reddit, and I got the following message from “ThrowawayPUA,”

GLL is banned from seddit for a variety of good reasons.
Don’t join them.

If you’ve wandered over here from Reddit, you now know why Reddit is filled with newbie material. There’s nothing wrong with newbie material (almost all of us have been there), but the intermediate/advanced material is all on blogs or in books. Think about a person who would willingly moderate Reddit… then think about how Reddit works via voting, regardless of the person voting… now you understand. Beginner guys and anger phase guys cannot comprehend the challenges and problems faced by intermediate or advanced guys. That is fine, that is the nature of being a beginner in almost any field, but it also cauterizes the intermediate/advanced discussion.

While I’m writing this, the top post on seduction is “A Rant from a girl: Why it isn’t working for you…” No link because it’s typical stupid girl stuff, a mix of things that are kind of true some of the time and things that are downright wrong… and it has 600 upvotes. Meanwhile, the last couple of deep, complex posts from Nash got like four upvotes. Posts from random, incorrect chicks and posts from guys who are like, “I learned how to just be myself and talk to chicks” jump to the top of Reddit because they cater to the 70% of guys on the bottom, many of whom don’t know what they’re talking about. And the moderators are almost universally awful… they encourage only newbies to speak.

If you’re spending time on Reddit, you’re among the sheep who lead the other sheep. There is some utility, but to learn and move beyond “just be confident” “hit the gym” and “women are hypergamous”, you have to go somewhere else. Despite these reservations… for the average guy, if he improves his nutrition, gets clothes that fit, starts lifting some, and quits his worst habits and vices, he’ll see big improvements with women, and Reddit emphasizes those things.

Most guys are so far from doing the fundamentals right that relatively modest work on the fundamentals can yield big gains. The 80/20 rule applies: 80% of the gains come from 20% of the effort. That said… moving from 80% of the gains into 90% or more can yield a cornucopia of incredible experiences the average guy doesn’t think exist, outside of pr0n. And the average guy doesn’t understand women well enough to understand how, why, and where those pinnacle experiences exist. When Reddit provides the impetus to get those newbie gains, it’s useful. As soon as the newbie gains begin to peter out, it’s not.

Guys moderating reddit, meanwhile, seem to be trying to stroke/gratify their own egos. They’re the high school losers, still intent on being “right,” finally, and having minor power, even of a very limited sort, over others. No thanks. Better to go somewhere without moderators who have trouble seeing past their own feet.

Newbies often lack the capacity to understand what good advice is. Think back to school and the stupid, noisy person in class trying to one-up the teacher or professor. That person doesn’t know what they don’t know.

Bike Girl is finally over

I think Bike Girl is finally over. She wants to move in and I don’t want her to. Years ago I swore off cohabitating with a woman, and although I think I’ll break that “rule” eventually, it won’t be for Bike Girl. She’s just inside the lower bound of the age range I’d consider, but she reads younger in a lot of ways and is too immature for me.

I don’t think she’s ever met a guy with definite boundaries before. The more she invests in me, the more I pull away, and the more she invests. For the last couple months that’s been driving her crazy.  I think she thinks I’m playing some kind of game with her, and if she can just find the optimal strategy, she can win.

Except that’s totally wrong. I’m not playing a game, I’m living my life. And my life has a bunch of features that most people’s lives don’t have. I don’t want to “advance” the relationship towards cohabitation and, eventually I suspect, kids. It is very hard for someone who thinks in terms of games to interact with someone who doesn’t. There is a negotiation component to my work and there is not a negotiation component to Bike Girl’s work.

She’s already threatened to break up with me before, and I said, “Okay.” I don’t think she expected that.

I’m occasionally seeing someone (a few someones… they’re like comets, swinging back in for a bang…) from the non-monogamous scene, and if I can see the chick from the scene once or twice a week, that would be fantastic. Since late September or early October I’ve been seeing Bike Girl around every other day.

The likely outcome from here is that Bike Girl and I keep having occasional sex (most girls will indulge in relapse sex with an ex because it doesn’t “count”) until she finds her next guy. I don’t think she has an active branch swing planned, but with chicks you never know for sure. I’ve never looked through her phone or attempted to invade her privacy and in my view if she thinks she has a better offer, she should take it.

It’s an attitude not a lot of guys have. I didn’t have it in my early 20s. It took time to develop.

I think Bike Girl learned a lot from me. I taught her about photography (a couple of pics she took may end up on future dating profiles, if or when I use online dating again), cooking, and how to think about career. She is smart but unfocused and has reached an age where “smart but unfocused” just reads as “unfocused.” A kid can get away with having potential. An adult must convert potential into achievement.

One day, if I cohabitate again, it will be with separate bedrooms. Sleepovers will be a choice. Too little distance extinguishes the erotic spark. Women press for smothering togetherness then act surprised when that act extinguishes their libido. It makes them complacent. As guys, we have to learn how relationships work and how to lead.

I talk a big game in the paragraphs above, but I feel melancholy. I like Bike Girl. But I also don’t want to waste years of her prime childbearing life . I’m kind of glad she is making the right long-term choice for herself. I feel the temptation to fold and hang onto her, even as I know that’s the wrong choice for her and for me.  She is fun in bed and has a personality that works with mine, in this stage of our relationship.

I also wonder if she will keep pursuing open relationships and other women without me pushing for it. I don’t think so but give it a 33% chance.

I find myself wondering when I’ll start my last new relationship. Right now I have this powerful sense of déjà vu. Been there, done that, doing it again. It makes me feel old. Sometimes I feel very young. Not right now. Right now, I feel like I’ve done this too many times. I know the steps too well. I need a different dance. How can you tell the dancer from the dance?