“No Ring, No Baby: How Marriage Trends Impact Fertility”

No Ring, No Baby: How Marriage Trends Impact Fertility” isn’t the usual shit, and in it the author Lyman Stone asks, “So why has marriage declined?” The author gives reasons like “financial need, personal unpreparedness, and lack of a suitable partner. Those last two factors speak to the role of culture.” Then there’s a bunch about culture.

Nowhere is a link to Real World Divorce, which explains, in exhaustive detail, why smart guys don’t marry. Marriage is an extremely high-risk activity for men, and it carries very little commensurate reward. If you want real-world examples, just go talk to pretty much any guy who has ever divorced. My friends have reach the “divorce” stage of their lives. It’s ugly. Many are basically financially fucked for the rest of their lives, or at least for the next two decades.

For guys, it can make sense to marry a woman who makes a lot more money than he does. Most women, however, don’t want to do that.

Our legal system has helped destroy marriage as much as the culture system Lyman Stone cites. Maybe we should have divorce reform.

Lyman Stone seems like he hasn’t been over-conditioned by feminism, but he still isn’t willing to look at one key factor behind the fall of marriage: the incentives facing men.


“You cannot negotiate genuine desire.”

You cannot negotiate genuine desire” is one of the most important concepts in game and life. The actual title of Rollo’s post is “Transactional vs. validation sex,” but “You cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Pretty much any guy who’s been in a long-term relationship will relate to the point.

Guys who haven’t been in a long-term relationship should be working on their game rather than reading about the distant future, but once game starts working it’s a good idea to know what the future holds.


“Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry”

This is very much off-topic for this blog, and the headline is deceptive, but “Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry.” I say the headline is deceptive because HD won’t electrify the industry, and the company is pretty messed up because of the demographics of its fan base. HD is damned if they do electrify, which is where the industry is headed, and damned if they don’t. If they do electrics, the old timers won’t like the electrics. But if they don’t, they’ll be way behind the technological curve, and the old timers are dying off or becoming too infirm to ride.

Other companies like Zero, which makes my bike, are growing and gaining expertise in electrics.

I love motorcycles and think guys who are debating one should go for it. As I wrote in “Ride a motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating

Riding a motorcycle will obviously not fix broken fundamentals of personality, weight, social presence, etc. You cannot buy your way out of who you are. But riding a motorcycle is super fun, makes a super fun date or part of a date, makes you look badass in the eyes of women (who almost never know any better) and is a fun, low-carbon way of getting around. I get opened all the time when I dodge into stores with my helmet.

You cannot buy your way out of who you are, but motorcycles are very fun and set a guy apart from most guys who are fat and complacent in their SUVs. One of my favorite lines is, “I usually only let girls on my bike after we’ve slept together.” Ideally we will all live in walkable cities with good public transport, which lets us open girls on the street or on the bus or train, but the American development pattern over the last 50+ years has gone the opposite way, leading to social isolation and sexless misery for both men and women. We should fight back as best we can by getting out of our dirty cars and living in the real world.

It’s definitely harder to have an electric bike in an apartment building than a detached house with a garage, but many landlords and management companies are now willing to install electric outlets for small fees. The landlords and management companies also know which way things are going and standard 120v, 15amp plugs are fine for Zero bikes.

What I do when she sends nudes

This is a pretty new problem, because way back in the day guys who wanted nudes had to shoot them on film cameras and have a method to develop the film. Then digital came along and guys who wanted nudes still had to shoot them themselves, usually with an early DSLR like the first Canon Rebel, or with a point & shoot. Now smartphones are ubiquitous and chicks send nudes or partial nudes of their own volition and without prompting.

In my view requesting nudes from women is usually a demonstration of lower value and thus should be avoided; if you want nudes, get a camera and shoot them yourself after you’ve slept with her.

But when she sends you unsolicited nudes, what do you do? I’m still not 100% sure, but I’ve begun saying, “Pretty,” or “cool” or a similar one-word answer, and then, often, returning an erotic but not explicit pic of me with another chick. A front view of the chick, with me behind her, covering her nipples with my hands. A side view of me going down on a chick. That kind of thing.

Chicks will go one of two ways: some will be turned on and may accelerate the meeting or next meeting, and some will start asking questions about the other girl, and I’ll say, “Let’s discuss in person and meet at this bar and this time.”

The more sexually forward the chick is, the better this works, I think. Chicks who want monogamy now, I think this works worse on. It can be a higher risk move than ignoring or saying very little to the chick. A little bit like my Snapchat in game move. It’s a perfect move with chicks who are already into non-monogamy and group sex.

I don’t include faces, but it’s pretty clear that the pics I send are from me. This is a light form of attempting to make the other girl jealous or showing a hard-to-fake signal that other chicks desire me. Chicks most want guys other chicks want. I said in “Evolutionary biology underlies game” that most chicks have no idea what they want and are their desires are often incoherent.  Implicitly saying, “If you don’t get on this ride, another girl is going to, soon,” makes her want to get on the ride.

I usually get the pics of me through screen grabs from sex tapes. VLC has a screen grab feature that will export the exact frame. Today, 4K video is widely available and that makes getting the right pic easy.

There also seems to be an uptick in the number of chicks who send nudes as a form of teasing and attention-getting but who have no desire to meet up or have real life wetsex. It’s hard to separate out the chicks who tease-but-want-it from the chicks who just want attention. At some point if a chick won’t meet or won’t come home with me I stop contacting her or responding to her messages, and that will usually shake out the flakes from the chicks who want it.

Today, I see nudes as being in practice part of one’s romantic portfolio, the same way you should have a professional portfolio demonstrating your work products. Be prepared and good things will come. I hadn’t explicitly realized that I’m doing this kind of romantic preparation till earlier this week, but once I did I also realized that most guys are probably doing this sort of thing on the fly, when they should be doing it as part of a larger strategy. Unless they’re already swimming in quim, in which case they don’t need strategy.

Sex parties and sex clubs could be the next level of game

I’ve written about non-monogamy and sex clubs here, here, and here, in “How many women are open to sex parties and partner swapping? [intermediate/advanced].” There’s little reason to read this if you’re not already getting laid pretty regularly and you’re not already confident of your ability to to meet and sleep with new women.

Start there. When you’re able to get laid routinely, then read everything else here.

Sex clubs are not a shortcut to having real game. Sex clubs are an extension of existing game. If you don’t have game and status already you will have a bad time if you try to bring your only, sole, single girl with you. Guys like me will try to pick her off. We might succeed. Not only that, but a guy who pins everything to one girl may go emotionally nuts the first time she has sex with another guy in front of him, or indicates that she wants sex with another guy. Before you bring a girl into that situation you need to know that there’s another one behind her if or when she bolts.

In my view the basic dynamic of sex parties is guys exchanging hot females with a minimal amount of logistical bother. That’s it. People overcomplicate and overthink this. You have a hot girl. I have a hot girl. Let’s trade. The girl obviously has to like the other guy well enough (or want to fuck the girl). That’s the fundamental dynamic. It’s an exchange of value for value. I get more novelty than I’d have otherwise. You get more novelty than you’d have otherwise. Win-win. Fail to bring the value and you will likely fail at the club. Guys who have a bad time of game in general either fail to show or fail to have value.

Many guys will of course desire the single women who show up, and guys with sufficiently high status and good game are more likely to get them. Single women who are highly open to experience, highly bisexual, or with very high sex drives are the only ones likely to show up. Most women, of course, don’t do shit unless there is a guy ready to lead them. Exceptions tend to be ultra-high libido. Like, I’ve had a fairly long-term, off-and-on FWB who really, seriously wants to have sex twice a day, every day. You, the man reading this, may think, “Oh great mate, sign me up, I’d love to shag that much too.” The vast majority of guys, especially guys over the age of 25, will eventually be knackered by a really persistent woman, and she’s figured that out, so she needs multiple boyfriends or FWBs.

But she’s exceptional and unusual. Typical women at sex parties are brought by their primary partners. Typical guys want to swap with a girl who is at least on the level of the girl they’ve brought. It’s about exchanging value.

The basics of game still apply. Strong masculine identity and strong social skills matter a lot. At parties and clubs lots of guys try to get “something for nothing” by offering to swap with couples nowhere near their level. Usually they are declined. Be ready to say “no.” Be ready to lead.

Be ready to lead.

Be ready to lead. I know I’ve just written that three times in a row, but game-aware guys know that very few chicks will lead. They will really really not lead in most group sex situations. Some chicks will lead themselves a little bit more as they get relaxed and into the sex zone, but most won’t at the beginning. The fewer the people, the worse most chicks are at leading. So you, the man, will have to have the social deftness to make propositions and accept when they’re rejected. And when they’re accepted, which is scarier for some guys.

Most cities have a “scene” of some kind. I don’t know your city so I don’t know what it entails. In your city there will likely be a core nucleus of regulars, organizers, and people who make things happen. Show up enough and you will become one of them. If you’re a high-value guy who regularly brings hot chicks, you’ll be invited to events solo.

The worst clubs and parties are empty or filled with fatties. I walk away from those events. When I use online app matcher systems, I emphasize my interests in lifting and fitness, and this acts as a fattie repulsion system. Not perfectly, but well enough.

At the best events there are many hot couples or, more rarely, single unicorns. The hotter you are, the better you do. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Fantasize about a party full of gorgeous women aching for wild sex with you, but know that those don’t exist in real life. Because people are there for sex, guys can’t hold out much in the way of resources and commitment to attract women. What RP guys call “beta” or “niceguy” game works poorly.

Lots of threeways have happened with women or couples I’ve met through the scene. If you’re a reliable guy who brings hot girls to the parties and clubs, you’ll be in demand by other couples who want to swap. As you should know from reading Nancy Friday or some female erotica, lots of women fantasize about a threesome with two guys. Keep an eye out and you’ll find other guys, possibly game-aware, who may become your go-to “threesome friend.” You bring him in when you need a guy and vice-versa. It’s all about the value. If you’re providing value and he’s providing value, you’re golden.

Most guys are poorly equipped, psychologically and physically, for this role. But the right guy can be great. Like I said, he brings chicks, you bring chicks. He may have game, or he may just have a good social circle and persistence.

And, as for her, most girls know that most men can’t even articulate the girl’s fantasies, let alone fulfill them. Being able to move her from fantasy to reality will blow her mind and simultaneously draw her into your world. “Wait!” you might be thinking, “How is it that a threesome with another guy will bring her closer to you?”

Simple: she’s likely never been there before, and she knows that most guys will freak out if they hear her real fantasies. So any guy who can bring them up, listen without judgment, or even propose the kind of sex she’s dreamed about must be special. It takes social finesse to make these things happen, and she’ll know you have it, whereas other guys don’t.

Most women are very scared to share their fantasies. They fear, legitimately, that guys will shame them. Being a guy who doesn’t ever slut shame and lets her explore her bedroom desires will set you apart.

If you have a regular, uncommitted FWB you don’t want for an LTR, try bringing her. Maybe you’ll hate it. But it can be next-level game if you have the right stuff for it.

Most couples who come will be in committed relationships and they’ll be bored with each other. If you’re the guy who consistently brings in new hot women, you will be exceptional. You will be a star.

Some women will say no but many will be intrigued. I’ve been told many things. Like:

  • You are too experimental.
  • You are disgusting.
  • I would never do something like that.
  • I want a guy who respects me.

The first one is my fave. About a quarter of chicks have rejected me outright when I propose going to a sex club. I only do that after I’ve been sleeping with them for at least a couple weeks. About a quarter have been excited by the prospect. About half have been uncertain, but they will usually go if I encourage them and promise that we’ll start slow.

Many sex parties and clubs will pretend to be egalitarian and accept people of all body types. Ignore the rhetoric. The reality is that sexual marketplace value operates at sex clubs just like it does everywhere else. You cannot evade it. Using sex clubs to try and avoid having basic value and game will backfire and waste time. You will very rarely see young girls who like the degradation of sex with vile men, but that is rare. Most women assess men’s sex appeal in all the ways RP guys already know.

It’s not for all guys but except for Blackdragon I see almost no one writing about this. It’s a kind of ecosystem game that I’ve not seen players write about. But to me, it’s an extension of other kinds of game that can be much faster than opening girls on the street or online. But like I keep saying, it is not a shortcut. Try using it as a shortcut and you will be burned.

‘Cheap Sex,’ our lives, our politics

Like I said, this book is good to read. In the article, the best sentence is, “The fuckboy lifestyle — in which a man can be basically worthless yet sexually successful — was simply not viable.” Absolutely. And men are still adjusting, psychologically, emotionally, and culturally to this shift. Women, especially young hot ones, now value sexual and sensual pleasure more than world-building and income. Every guy has seen some hot chick not just fuck but obsess over a degenerate guy. Then the guy thinks, “What is the degenerate doing that I’m not?”

Guys who follow that thought far enough find game.

The author neglects to make clear that sex is “cheap” for the top 20 or 25% of guys. It’s still very expensive for all the other guys. Those other guys are forced to watch porn, be celibate, cling futilely to their one-itis, become extremely wealthy, become famous, or learn game. In my view only that last one is practical for the vast majority of men.

When a man truly realizes sex is cheap, everything about him changes. “Cheap sex” is another phrase for “abundance mentality.” But when a man has abundance, it’s not just a mentality. It’s his life.

Catch and release women who want families

This is a controversial one, and it’s only relevant to guys with intermediate or advanced game.

I think it’s wise to release older chicks (at least age 25, likely older than that) who want to have a family, when you (a man) don’t want one, or don’t want one yet, or don’t want one with her.

This comes from Nash’s post, Back to daygame, a breakup, and a close call. He breaks up with an amazing girl, Miss Thick, because “her kids/family goals were real and that I respected them.” So I wanted to know how old she is…

She is 29… and from China. She’s a “Chinese” girl at heart… but an artsy, and unusual one.

Then I like the idea of letting her go and not having her dangle a lot of prime reproductive years. Let her go and tell her that, if her next serious relationship doesn’t work out, she can come back for a month or two of fun and recovery. She may come back or she may not.

That’s in line with what I wrote about frame and non-monogamy

over time [most] women have a biological need to find guys to have kids with and subsidize them and their kids. That’s part of the reason long-term, undefined, FWBs-type relationships are so uncommon. Few chicks will allow them, at least past the age of 25. Even if they do, they will drop the FWB when they find a hot-enough provider guy.

(If you’re dating a chick under the age of 25 in a contemporary Western country, you can ignore the last two paragraphs, because chicks that age are all about the feelz and the hot sex.)

Players know that it’s uncommon to have an undefined FWB-type relationship with a girl for more than 18 months. Even six months is uncommon. That is because most chicks who don’t have a family want one. They may fuck up en route to getting a family or hitting menopause, but they want it.

[Note this comment: “Lover” may be a better word than “FWB,” and I also screwed up a little bit of the story.]

And I think guys who are dating women over age 25 or 26 should cut them free and tell them to go get their provider guy. This goes against some of the “Red Pill” comments amid the hardass maxims of anger phase warriors. It’s true that it’s possible for guys to string along a girl through a lot of her prime fertility years. I’ve seen that many times. Yes, the girl should be responsible and break it off, but girls are weak (just like guys) and prone to wishful thinking (just like guys). Guys who put girls in that position will also often find… SURPRISE!… the birth control failed and you’re going to be a DADDY!

You jack her around, she’ll jack you around.

Plus, I think it’s unnecessary to waste years of a woman’s prime child-bearing life. A guy with strong game will find another girl. Maybe a better one. So the chick who wants kids the guy isn’t going to willingly provide should be released.

I’m not saying you should sleep with chicks age 25 – 40. That would be insane. Those chicks want one-night stands and orgasms and hot lovers. I’m only saying you shouldn’t string them along and you should be direct about not being their baby’s father.

In my view it’s often better to be the bigger person and enable people to live the right way. For most women that means letting her have a family. Normal girls in the right age bracket who want kids will leave the guy when she figures out he’s a player, but some need the push. At least be honest, and then let her go when she’s ready.

If a guy gets into a position of strength, and he gets into the habit of helping people build the right lives (this is NOT being a “nice guy”).

I don’t preach about living better. I do show it. That means zero sugar. That means inviting chicks (and guys!) to the gym with me, after an appropriate period of time. Obviously I’m not doing deadlifting on the first date. But if I’m going to the gym I invite her to go with me, whoever the “her” is. I’ve probably taught ten or fifteen girls how to swim for exercise or how to lift. That’s ten or fifteen more than most guys.

Those girls also know I’m serious about the body. Talking about the joys of lifting in an online dating profile won’t totally repel fatties but it will help. And when I meet a girl for a drink for a first date, if she’s too fat sometimes I’ll just leave and sometimes I’ll invite her to the gym. Not necessarily that night but in two days or whenever. Their reactions are funny. Especially the ones who say, “Are you saying I’m fat?” Easy response: “I’m saying I’m going to the gym and you should come.”

In a position of strength, a guy can say, “I want you to go find a man who will give you a family. In the meantime, if you want to keep having fun with me, do it. If you find a guy and things don’t work out and you want a break, text me.”

Sometimes she will. Chicks can be like comets, swinging into a guy’s solar system for a couple weeks at a time.

I also have weird ethics. I think women in the 26 – 40 age range who genuinely want children should be released by guys who catch them and who have investment from those women. This essay only applies to a guy with a woman who is invested. If she’s not invested it doesn’t count.

If a guy’s game is strong and he’s in the secret society, he won’t have trouble moving on to the next one. But in my ethical inversion, I like sleeping with chicks who have boyfriends or husbands. Now you can see why I don’t talk about the deepest shit with people I know. Not even swingers or poly people will admit that kind of thing. I think humans are ill-equipped for long-term monogamy and that if she’s available for seduction, I want me in her instead of some other guy swooping in.

Next post up should continue the non-monogamy theme. It’s the one I keep mentioning, about how sex clubs layer on top of conventional game. In my view, for the right man they are a powerful tool, but I don’t think I’ve seen any active game guys writing about them.