How to think about “future projection” on dates, and how to retain girls better

Sometime along the way to being a player, I figured out that it’s often useful to say something about date 2 when I’m on date 1 with a girl: mention cooking, for example, and say, “Come over for dinner, next time.” Then set a date, usually two days from the moment of the date. So if the date is Tuesday, shoot for Thursday, and feel out her schedule, and schedule that date.[1] Making things happen is man frame, accepting offers is woman frame. Text her the next day, “Good seeing you yesterday, and I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at [time].” She can decline the date at that point (and sometimes does, it happens, it’s all in the game). My classic strategy has been one or two bars on date 1, then try to bounce her home, if possible, and my working theory has been that she’ll respect the effort to lay her, and the boldness, even if she says no. Magnum has used a two-date model successfully, which seems to reduce flakiness and female rejection due to self-perceived negative sluttiness. He thinks the two-date model helps with retention, and he may be right about that, although if the girl feels “on” during date one, he’ll lay her or at least try.

Game is about balancing tension and comfort, and I think most guys who get into the game and studying the game are nerds who tend towards too much comfort and insufficient edge.

Continue reading “How to think about “future projection” on dates, and how to retain girls better”

Lessons for men and players from The State of Affairs

The State of Affairs should be assigned reading to guys thinking about marrying but also to guys who want to be players… Esther says, “Whether we like it or not, philandering is here to stay. And all the ink spilled advising us on how to ‘affair-proof’ our relationships has not managed to curb the number of men and women who wander.” I beg you not to despair, but to contemplate the truth of that statement and think about it before you consider marrying some woman: fidelity is temporary, but some other dude’s baby is forever. What should we do with this knowledge? Consensual non-monogamy is one answer, one that I’ve elucidated extensively, probably tediously, since Perel says “infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.” Speaking of infidelity “also plunges us into today’s culture of entitlement, where we take our privileges for granted.” She says “entitlement,” but “narcissism” would be a truer, more accurate word: the ocean of attention available to women on Instagram loosens whatever bond to a man any individual woman might once have had. All her exes live in texts, waiting for her to resurrect the affair: social media dissolves the bonds of marriage and affection like strong acid dissolves metals. Women know it and will, in private, admit it… an individual man cannot keep up with the man parade on her phone, with her ADD mind as it flicks and scrolls and fantasizes. What are you going to do with this information? If you’re like most men, you’re going to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist, like most people pretend that growing atmospheric carbon dioxide emissions somehow won’t affect them… the past year has demonstrated the human organism’s capacity for denial, which knowledge cannot seem to staunch. There is “more freedom, as well as more uncertainty” today, but most countries fight against standard DNA testing at birth.

You can be the guy she cheats on, or the one she cheats with. Which do you prefer? Choose?

Continue reading “Lessons for men and players from The State of Affairs”

This is your red pill / pickup “guru,” Roosh

Do you want to listen to a guru whose own life is in shambles, one who is poor and unemployed, or underemployed, and living in his mom’s basement? Neither do I… way back in the dawn of the player world, I read some of the work done by a guy named Roosh V, who wrote about his pickup/player journey… but pretty early on, something seemed off about him, and, although I didn’t track specific passages or moments of “off-ness,” I stopped reading him. There is a common refrain among chicks who hate players that players “hate” women, which is mostly wrong, and yet Roosh did seem to resent women, and to have zero sense of proportion… the Internet is a perfect place for people with zero sense of proportion to find one another, band together, and complain. “Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen,” says badass alpha playboy Sean Connery in The Rock, a movie from back in the ’90s, when fewer people were fat and more people were normal. Which do you want to be? I prefer the prom queen route. It is not a bad idea to emulate Sean Connery. Unfortunately, the school system today encourages whining, and few adults willingly tell kids, “No one cares about your excuses, only your performance matters.”

In his podcast (no link, deliberately), Roosh says that he’s now poor and living at home with his mom. He must be 40, maybe older… he says he’s found God and become a Christian… no problem with the latter, but should we take his Christianity any more seriously than his life as a player? Or is there something wrong within him, driving both belief patterns and systems? I personally don’t recall the part of the Bible the encourages guys to sponge off their elderly parents, but maybe it’s in there somewhere and I missed it.

Is Roosh a weird dude, with his weirdness changing shape and form over time?

Continue reading “This is your red pill / pickup “guru,” Roosh”

Intense experiences in bed during sex: BDSM & analogues

People want primal, immediate, physical experiences, yet much of the modern world is set up to deny exactly that. As the modern world becomes more cerebral, disconnected, abstract, and disembodied, we want to get the opposite. There is nothing like the immediacy of fucking or fighting to bring out the intense and immediate. BDSM is now commonplace because women want it to be commonplace… chicks are the primary readers of 50 Shades of Grey, a book I tried to read but it was too bad to get past the first few pages… chicks are also the primary readers of its predecessor novel, 9 and 1/2 weeks. Someone like Aella can write, “Forceful sex is a primal way of taking away the stress of choosing a sufficiently high status mate – that I am not admitting anything about my sense of sexual self worth by having sex with his person.” And the “forceful” aspect increases the intensity of the experience, in a world where intense physical experiences are too rare. We evolved to have them, not to stare into a glass box ten hours a day. Psychedelics are becoming more popular because they also create immediacy and the feeling of immediacy.

I didn’t fully get this when I was younger, but when I was younger the world also hadn’t digitized to the extent it has now, so I didn’t need to. Today, guys have to learn to reject the smartphone way and accept the real-world way, and that’s especially true in bed. The best sexual experiences almost always happen when at least one person, and ideally both, “forget” everything else, forget themselves, and there’s only the other person and the sensation the other person generates in this world. BDSM is one way to achieve that, particularly for women, which is why the first link in this post goes to one about BDSM and how to achieve it. Too much “Do you like this?” and “Is this okay?” talk turns most chicks off, because they don’t want legalistic bullshit and posturing, they want a guy who “just gets it” and can read their signals. The downside of this common desire in chicks, however, is the risk for the guy that the chick will regret what she does and then make the typical accusations that we commonly see today. Unfortunately, if the guy can’t read her signals and generate powerful, primal experiences, she’s not going to like him (or sex with him) that much. I don’t see a solution to this dilemma apart from both dudes and chicks being consistently reasonable… ha, good luck with that.

I’m not denying that the abstract world of the mind is important. If I didn’t think it is, I would not be writing here, reading books, or doing the work I do. But there’s a lot of need for balance and the world is strongly imbalanced towards the abstract and cerebral right now. People deny their real physical tangible existence and suffer for it. Normal women love flirting in the real world, for example, but many guys and chicks are becoming the sorts of autists who can’t flirt. Solution? Online dating and paying for online dating, but that has all the problems that everyone today is aware of. One problem many modern guys have is that chicks will respond on chat apps or social media but never get together in real life, because the chicks suffer from the paradox of choice and moreover have forgotten how to exist in the real world.

Some guys are responding to this excess focus on the intellectual world by lifting weights, rock climbing, practicing bdsm, learning jiu-jitsu, or taking psychedelics (or MDMA).

We live in an instant gratification society. Most people want the digital instant gratification. But that is not how the real world works, especially the sexual real world, where chicks usually want more time to see the guy and get comfortable with the guy. Most good real-world things come from slowly building work efforts. Yes, it’s true that there are a small number of guys who get lots of good things handed to them by genetics and their families. Fine, whatever. For most guys, it’s all about the work you put in, every day. You only see the tip of the spear, one of the more important things I’ve ever written.

BDSM on average becomes more important as people spent more time on their screens and less time in reality. She doesn’t actually want to spend all the time on Instagram, she doesn’t know better. Are you going to help her become the person she really truly wants to be? If you are, that’s going to set you apart from the normal guy. Most guys are too busy playing video games to be that guy.

I was in my early 20s the first time a woman took my hands and put them around her neck. It shocked me. I didn’t know what I was doing. I think Google was around at that time but I didn’t think to search, “How do I choke a woman in bed safely?” I wrote her off as a one-off with unusual desires, not realizing that she’s closer to the norm than young red quest could imagine. I didn’t realize that many women, if not the majority, like being spanked and sometimes hit other ways in bed. I didn’t put a butt plug in a woman until I was in my 30s. I didn’t realize how those practices, done carefully and in a controlled enough way, activate the primal, immediate parts of the brain and shut off the chattering, doubting voice in the mind. Now that information, these kinds of stories, are out there, but most guys choose not to access them, choose not to stare at the darkness, the Apollonian world of the media pretending the Dionysian desires aren’t there. Dionysus asserts himself Saturday night, while Monday morning the woman wants to pretend Apollo rules, regrets what happened Saturday night in some cases, but, in many others, she loves those feelings, loves the man who can elicit them, when most men can’t. If you are reading this, you are reading a work about how not to be most men.

Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself

Xbtusd is back with more tales from the game.

My buddy is a successful Asian guy, in his 30s, and he winds up at a party with a bunch of Gen Z types, college and just post-college, who are there presumably doing what people try to do: hook up. My buddy’s wearing some very distinctive, polarizing things that also help conversation flow: he’s peacocking, in other words. His outfit helps him open a bunch of chicks, and some chicks even open him. Peacocking is an interesting strategy… I think peacocking needs to come off as both playful and masculine. The gap between “playful” and “goofy” can be narrow, but even goofy can work if the guy can transition to masculine dominance and identity. (Red Quest hasn’t done a lot of peacocking, he says). I’d guess that guys who peacock hard, like Mystery did, also need strong killer instinct and sexual vibe, otherwise they get friendzoned like I believe my buddy did. But he really friendzoned himself, by not acting on the girls expressing interest.

I’m going to bring race into the discussion, but also acknowledge that race serves as a proxy for a lot of things. I don’t want the discussion to get hung up on race in particular. Asian men are desexualized in American culture, black men are hypersexualized. Be aware of how you present. If you’re short, you might have to make up for that by being a little more masculine in other ways. If you’re Asian, you’re going to want to stay away from things that reinforce the stereotypes women already have about Asian men. Thus, when peacocking, you want to make sure you stay far from goofy, and do things that attract attention but in a masculine way. Maybe more in the vein of BDSM style gear. Race is just one factor for how women perceive you before you open your mouth, but it’s an important one.

According to my buddy, one hot girl was particularly interested, but he never tried to bang her, let alone kiss her. Wait, what—why? I ask him. He doesn’t entirely know. Is he afraid of the girl saying no? When I was young and dumb(er), I was afraid of “no.” He may be in effect friendzoning himself, if he doesn’t make the move. From my gf’s report, my buddy and the hot girl’s energy quickly grew into friend energy. The two of them became part of the project to facilitate my gf hooking up with a guy at the party she thought was hot. Having a shared project can be a fantastic narrative to allow you to bond with a woman, but you have to make sure the context of the shared project isn’t “friends,” but romantic partners who are building sexual chemistry. Escalation is key, in particular touch. Timing is critical, because the window can close quickly. Chicks are capricious, so when her buying temp is high, act.

Was he afraid to kiss her? I think he would say no, he’s not afraid of “no.” I think he is afraid of no.

Continue reading “Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself”

Compassion and empathy for chicks

A guy on Reddit says to me, “I just want to say thank you. You helped me,” but I was a little confused… how’d I help him? I asked, he says “A lot of the prominent voices in this community seem to be motivated by hate, but I don’t get that at all from your blog. It showed me that there is an intelligent way to approach the goals I have.”

I also read The Evolution of Desire because you had mentioned it, and that book is pretty illuminating. Its easier not to get stuck in anger when I at least understand what is going on.

Evolutionary biology is key to understanding human sexual dynamic fundamentals… evolutionary biology is the difference between trying to calculate the area under a curve with calculus versus without. Calculus is the difference between the modern world and everyone living in sod huts and being covered wit shit, and there is no substitute for fundamental understanding (a common theme around here).

Read evolutionary biology and spend a lot of time with chicks, and a normal guy will develop/have some compassion and empathy for them. Chicks have their own problems, many imposed by their evolutionary path. The male path is simple, “hot chick -> want to fuck -> try to fuck.” More & hotter are better. Men who didn’t pass up sex opportunities with fertile chicks left more children than those who did.

Continue reading “Compassion and empathy for chicks”

Don’t say anything, and instead change the debate

A player scheduled a date with a chick, then felt ill so he cancelled, then felt better and attempted to un-cancel (or reschedule, I guess) the date. The chick said she’s not free anymore and that she thinks he had other plans, and the other plans got cancelled. She “doesn’t believe in miracles.” Sounds like a girl who’s been around men and dating for a while.

So what would you do? Leave answers in the comments before you read on.

Continue reading “Don’t say anything, and instead change the debate”

Doing it differently (Playing the long game)

Xbtusd is back, with another essay about how top guys think about dating and pursue non-monogamy.

I just got word from a long term threesome partner, Anna, that she will be in town in a few weeks, and we scheduled a date. My relationship with Anna makes me think about how different RQ’s experiences are from mine, and how different mine are from the average guy. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into Anna, planting a seed and nurturing it as it grew. When the pandemic struck, Anna moved to another city to ride it out with her boyfriend. During lockdown, the four of us played online games together. When I went out of the country for the winter to a surf destination to escape covid winter, I kept in touch regularly via IG, commenting on her life and sharing mine with her. A lot of red pill commenters would probably say this is “beta,” or “soft”, or “cucked.” Is it? I don’t know, or really care. Human relationships are worth creating and maintaining for their own sake; treat people as instruments and you will become an instrument to them, to be discarded when your use is fulfilled. I don’t like fucking women I don’t know well and connect with as a person. Sex gets better the deeper you connect, not to mention that women need to trust you to fully to let go and have the best sexual experience possible. Want to fuck a girl in the ass? Tie her up? Cum on her face? Treating her like you like her helps, but liking her is exponentially better. 

I first met Anna years ago at a sex party. Continue reading “Doing it differently (Playing the long game)”

A guy screws up a potential foursome with his endless monologuing

My then-girlfriend and I were propositioned by this couple, and it might have gone through, except for the guy’s personality. We met this couple outside of the open relationship and non-monogamy community because they lived near us and shared some common habits: the girl was a hot European, probably a high 8. We’d encountered them repeatedly, in the neighborhood, and they were friendly and normal at first… the guy also helped us find a small bit MDMA, which is nice). One night we were all drinking a bit and actually getting to know each other, as opposed to idle chitchat. It’s hard to describe the exact feeling, and nothing physical changed, but over the course of the night I felt the energy shift from “normal and friendly” to “this is more than friendly.” I’m sure my girlfriend felt the shift too, as she’d been sufficiently immersed in this world to know.

I wasn’t totally opposed to to the potential foursome (did I mention the girl is stunning?), but, even though my girlfriend and I could feel the sexual interest, the other guy couldn’t shut up. When we were all hanging out, he’d embark on these endlessly long rambles and tangents. Not sharing the conversation is one of my partner’s huge pet peeves, and she’s been annoyed at work when guys talk over her or try to talk over her, and she’d complained repeatedly and vociferously about guys who monologue. Just like this guy was doing. Sharing the conversation is a fundamental aspect of social skills, and this other guy wasn’t doing it. If a person is going to monologue, they better have Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld levels of story quality. This guy didn’t.

From what I could distil, they both had super interesting life stories, but we couldn’t extract those life stories, or hear them… I was thinking of the guy when I wrote Curiosity leads to sexual freedom… and threesomes… and storytelling, although he’s not the only one who’s had this problem.

Continue reading “A guy screws up a potential foursome with his endless monologuing”

Delicious Tacos talks to Personality Girl and Default Friend about getting laid and other things

Personality Girl and Default Friend have a hilarious podcast with Delicious Tacos, a podcast covering many topics, including how women don’t (maybe can’t) understand what life and horniness as a man is like, alcoholism, writing, groupies, face, sociopathy, work, and Houellbecq (the key philosopher of the last 50 years, no one else who hasn’t done pr0n counts). My replies are disjoint and won’t make sense without listening to the podcast.

Hot, emotionally mature girls aren’t on the market much and aren’t drunk or snorting coke. Guys with alcohol or substance abuse problems are attracting girls who will accept those, and it’s dangerous to draw conclusions from that biased sample… I try not to generalize too much about women based on the women I’ve been with in the last ten years, because most of them are at the very least curious about or accepting of non-monogamy, while women who want a conventional family and children aren’t going to put up with that shit. Delicious Tacos lives in L.A. (all the normal girls stay out of California). The conversation is a very big city conversation, cause normal girls who want a husband and family live in the midwest, or Texas, or Florida, or any place that it’s possible to live a middle-class existence and have a family… they’re not in the big famous cities. That’s where the sluts are, and the people who can’t afford to have kids, so they might as well do all sorts of weird sex things. I’m one of them, I’m talking about my own here, but I’ve also spent lots of time in smaller cities where women in their 20s walk around with their children in strollers and their husbands next to them. Most of them are 10 – 40 lbs overweight, which is gross, but that’s where they are.

Despite all that I have a piece coming up in the next month or two about how I was dumb to not have figured out mdma earlier in my life, cause, used judiciously, that’s where many of the easy lays are. Lots of hot chicks lack personality, or drive, or the ability to admit the sex they want and get it, and need some external aid to get there. Trying to talk to a lot of hot girls age 18 – 24 isn’t easy, cause their knowledge base consists of inane gossip and an interest in drinking and drugs. That’s it. It’s hard to build commonality from that. Solution? A lot of conversation that uses The Game + insinuations of drinking/drugs now, or in times to come. I should’ve learned this earlier… in many ways I’m a slow learner.

Very true: pussy begets more pussy. Absolutely. Sex clubs are apotheosis of this. DT gets this. He says something like, the difference between 0 pussy and 1 pussy is a million times greater than 1 and 2, and pretty much everything in game is about moving from 0 to 1. Red Quest might be less interesting cause it’s mostly about moving from 2 to a million, via sex clubs + non-monogamy.

Agree that guys who get a lot fuck a lot of chicks, almost all of varying quality levels.

Delicious Tacos should get a counseling degree and do counseling for men. He’d be great at it, and he’d get out of the corporate grind office job, become more of a prophet than he already is. I’d refer guys to him. “You want to get laid, get your life in order? Talk to this guy, Delicious Tacos.” Would he be popular, though? Most therapists seem to need to take 20 sessions to get to the obvious, because they have to wait for the person they’re talking to to get to the idea on their own… I think Delicious Tacos would be like, “Your family’s fucked up, go learn the deadlift, and get in touch with your feelings that way.” If more guys mastered the deadlift and pullup we’d have less need for therapy.

His voice is peculiarly similar to mine, as are many of his life experiences, although I’ve never had alcohol or substance abuse problems… although I have been accused of being a sex addict (DT discusses “sex addicts” on the podcast). I don’t think I am, though, because I usually have some standards, and after I get my fill I go read a book or whatever.

He says that he used to get groupies when he showed his face… but then he sadly got doxxed… I’ve speculated to other guys that, to build a bigger following it’s necessary to show some proof-of-lay and become a public figure. Krauer and Tom Torero did that. Andy from Kill Your Inner Loser has done the same. I don’t think I care enough to want to take red quest to the next level that way, but it’s useful to hear ideas echoed. Like Balaji says, “we’re going to need to build a pseudonymous economy, where over the medium to long term, you separate out your real name, your earning name, and your speaking name. And in fact, you have multiple earning names and multiple speaking games, just like you have multiple usernames at different sites.” Balaji goes on,

Continue reading “Delicious Tacos talks to Personality Girl and Default Friend about getting laid and other things”