“When the U.S. falls into a recession, a credit bubble will explode”

When the U.S. falls into a recession, a credit bubble will explode.” This is outside my typical purview, but it has been long enough since the last recession for everyone to have forgotten its lessons. In the mid-2000s, I knew lots of ballers who were buying very expensive cars and a lot of stupid people who suddenly got into “flipping” houses, because real estate is a can’t-lose proposition, right?

Except for the way real estate value tanked in ’91. The way it eroded in value during inflation in the ’70s. The way it really fell in the ’30s. Even in the ’01 recession, it at best held steady.

A lot of those ballers in the mid-2000s were bankrupt by 2009. Right now, I’m seeing a lot of the same signs: stupid people eager to get into real estate. Too many cars being bought relative to the number of drivers. Student loan debt problems are already well known.

You make a lot of money by being bold when everyone else cowers, and by being cowardly when everyone else is bold. Right now it seems like a lot of people are bold… I’m going to cower over here in the corner and let the ballers do their thing. People with cash on hand during recessions can make the real money. I wasn’t able to do so last time. I might not be able to do so this time.

Part of game, IMO, is being able to stand aside from the herd. The same thing is true in financial markets. Most guys never learn about 1. Game. 2. Evolutionary biology. 3. Cooking/food. 4. Finances. in school. We then pay for our ignorance throughout our lives.

Your life is a reflection of who you are

There is a guy on Reddit, I am not going to link to him, who wrote a post saying that, “Finding out women are brain dead, making me depressed.” And he says, “To me it seems that 99.9% of women are like semi-blind goldfish. It’s like they have absolutely ZERO control or recognition of their emotions, they just react without thought.” The first reply says, “Dude you’re not wrong, but you’re not going to be fun and enjoy the moment with a cynical mindset. Most women do have the attention span and memory of a goldfish though.” Actually, that dude IS wrong. He’s probably low value, though. He’s also hanging out with the wrong women.

Women have a somewhat different value system, on average, than dudes, more based on emotion and feelings. This guy is as blind to that as most chicks are to the male value system of achievement. It’s likely that high-value, intelligent women do not like this guy, do not find him attractive, and outright avoid him. It’s also possible that he’s in a bad environment, like a rural area or a bad school, and he is surrounded by people who are not the intellectual cream.

If you think most women are brain dead there are two real possibilities (I’ll discount the environmental possibility for now, because most people get into the environment they earn/deserve): 1. You are someone like Stephen Wolfram and working on Mathematica and you are a genius, in which case most people seem kind of dim (I have met geniuses), or 2. You are stupid and blind yourself. The vast majority of people who think they are geniuses are wrong and fall into category 2. Even geniuses often lack sufficient theory of mind to understand what chicks want.

If you think chicks are dumb, the problem is probably you, because your value is low and you don’t even know it, or the chicks you hang out with. The same guy who wrote the thing I am referencing also uses a ton of run-on sentences and likely doesn’t even know it. It’s very rare that someone thinks everyone around them is dumb and is correct. And even if you are correct, that’s a sign you need to make serious life changes. It’s amazing how many guys, who aren’t getting laid much and don’t have high value, think women are dumb / mean / cruel / all whores / etc., vs. how many guys who are getting laid and have high value often don’t think that.

Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come the first two or three times, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychologically pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and like, I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… every girl is different, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

“Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity”

The Atlantic is now warning men to not get married: “The Bored Sex: Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity—despite having been taught that they were designed for it.” This should be a familiar point to any regular reader here, where you have been warned many times to not get married. When a woman is bored, she’ll divorce you and take half your money, or she’ll cheat, then divorce, then take half your money.

And guys sign up for this why…?

For players, the corollary is, yes, it is worth hitting on that married / LTR chick. She might say yes.

How I started learning the game and seduction

If there is one thing I have learned about chicks, it’s that most guys lack masculinity and that chicks are hungry for masculine guys. So much of the “the game” is about how to be a masculine guy. If you can do that, you have 90% covered, and the rest is logistics, approaching, etc. Chicks yearn to express their essential femininity, but they need a guy w/ masculine polarity to achieve that.

There are two main ways I can write this story… one way is to make a “Journey of the mythic hero” story following Joseph Campbell’s schema, which is compelling to readers but, in my case, less honest than the real answer, which is that I’ve learned game/seduction by muddling through, learning bits and pieces of things here and there, and not having real confrontations with demons or the underworld… my story has also been pretty bereft of benevolent helpers (think of the Obi-wan/Yoda role in Star Wars, or Gandalf/Strider in The Lord of the Rings), probably to my detriment. When I was younger I of course had lots of talks with guys (and some girls) about how to get chicks, date, have sex, etc., but those talks were typical haphazard ignorant bluster, with more myth than reality guiding us. Even the termination my longest-term relationship was not a very low point, because I had become mentally, logistically, financially, and psychologically ready for it before it happened… I think it was a much lower point for my ex than for me. I also try to keep my material needs restrained, which is a useful way of buying freedom. Every time you spend money, you are also buying your way a bit closer to bankruptcy… I internalized that notion early on, and it has rewarded me. When other guys are spending stupid money to impress chicks… I’m trying NOT to do that.

My origin story doesn’t start with consciously learning seduction and the game, because when I “started” in high school and college The Game didn’t exist and guys like me tried our best more or less on our own, or listening to our friends’s bad seduction advice. I had to try and understand chicks by looking at their (inconsistent) actions and by listening to their (self-justifying, inaccurate) talk. Naturally, I noticed that what chicks said and what they seemed to do was different (one example), but I also had bad game with hot chicks and inadvertently good game with so-so chicks. With hot chicks, I would put myself in the friend zone, orbit for months at a time, be scared to make a move, be scared to make her mad, agree with everything she said. This worked about as well as you would imagine.

With so-so girls, though, I would run hot-cold, be indifferent, be a cocky asshole, etc., and in this way I had more sex and sexual experiences than the average high school guy, although still not a lot (like 6 – 7 total). Big exception to this was one very hot girl toward the end of my senior year of high school who I did my usual orbiting thing with, but she was ready to lose her virginity before college and, in hindsight, I believe she selected me because I was a pretty safe choice to get some sexual experience with. That was a good read on her part and we “dated” until we left for separate schools. Often, a guy’s first hot chick relaxes him psychologically, because he realizes that hot chicks are still humans and that, realistically, ten seconds before he blasts in her, how much better is she than a somewhat less hot chick who is still acceptably pretty? Right.

Today, I’m actually not sure I’m “good” at game… certainly wasn’t in high school. But by the time I was in early college, I knew I needed to make a stronger effort to be more social, and I’ve kind of been doing that ever since. It’s a fight against some of my natural introvert tendencies. Like any logical guy, I realized that I am not going to get laid by hanging out in my room reading. Beyond that, it’s just been reading, observing, and trying to apply what I read and observe. Starting with The Game, around the time it came out. And The Red Queen. I also paid attention to the world around me… often, the hotter the guy, the better he did, and that kept me into intense physical activity.

When I started school, I managed to get with a fairly attractive chick pretty quickly, and that introduced me to the idea of network effects, although I didn’t know the term at the time. Today, some of my game is still about networks and network effects for me… this is why sex clubs and non-monogamy work for me: I can bring in new chicks, which most guys can’t, which gives me status/reputation, so that I can bang more of the high-libido chicks who have already been filtered. In school, the guy who gets the reputation for getting chicks, tends to get more chicks. The more you try, the better you get. Chicks can tell a guy who is good with women from a guy who isn’t. Competence is attractive to chicks. So I’ve been working on competence my whole life.

That’s why I wrote You only see the tip of the spear. It often takes ten years to succeed overnight. The game is not that hard for most guys, but I bring this up because guys who succeed young are usually a) good looking, b) athletic (or musical, or some other talent/skill), c) naturally outgoing, or d) don’t take rejection hard, so they persist in the face of rejection. When younger, I would spend weeks or sometimes months moping because some hot chick rejected me… I was too dumb to know that I should really thank a chick who firmly rejects me, because I can move on to other chicks. I also thought that if I just showed a chick how much I like and care for her, she would like me back (in fact, the opposite is almost always true). So I had some pathologies and some strengths.

I was sensitive to rejection when I was younger… I had to get over that. Most guys are rejected by most chicks most of the time. I won’t say I am now absolutely totally immune from the sting of rejection… but I recognize it as part of the process, like the good pain from lifting heavy objects. I also figured out that chicks, particularly young hot chicks, like hot guys, so that kept me involved with various forms of athletics, which are both personally satisfying on a visceral, physical level, and satisfying because the results help attract and retain chicks. It seems like most guys in the game, writing about the game, are cerebral bookworms who don’t get the physical, tangible world. Or those guys aren’t even bookworms and are instead damaged, ignorant men with neither good bodies nor good minds. Chicks are physical, tangible creatures, and they like hot guys both for aesthetics and because they know how guys are better in bed, have good stamina, can throw the chick around, etc. There is the book by Geoffrey Miller, What Women Want, that chicks want a “tender defender:” a guy who is strong and competent, maybe potentially scary to other guys, but who is tender to the individual chick and who uses his strength to gratify her sexually without hurting her physically. Being into sports helps a guy develop into that physically, while also growing him psychologically by putting him into adverse conditions and making him perform.

Over time in college I got a system together for getting with chicks, involving chitchat, social circle questions, and inviting them over for a beer and a movie. Pretty simple stuff, but I racked up a decent number of chicks/lays that way from my sophomore year on, as I figured out that rejection is okay. I was also working in chick-friendly jobs, so that was a good source of chicks and caused me to write, “Don’t be too eager to get a corporate job and wear a suit [Career][lifestyle].” Most conventional jobs yield very little access to hot chicks and are filled with guys and fat/old women, so when you’re young, and if you can afford it, you’re not going to be bad off taking jobs in bars/restaurants, tutoring centers, pools, etc. that are likely to yield easy access to lots of hot chicks. Like all college students and 20-something guys I didn’t appreciate that my peers and everyday life brought me into natural contact with tons of young hot chicks, something that stops happening after age 30, when access to young hot chicks has to happen online or with a lot more engineering.

I took a hiatus from game for a long stretch in my 20s, but even during that hiatus I didn’t stop doing sports, I didn’t stop reading, and I was actively working to build my career. Over time I was working to just understand the female mind and understanding how to appeal to chicks. In school I was taught that men and women are the same. To seduction guys, to Red Pill guys reading this now… I’m sure you’re laughing. But I think the same things are taught today. A lot of guys get confused when they find chicks aren’t attracted to the exact same things guys are attracted to, and that chicks have evolved to have somewhat different preferences.

I’ve also had to learn to tame my nerd tendencies. Chicks really do just want to have fun. I would love to discuss philosophy, books, public policy, theory of the firm, things like that, with chicks. But 98% of chicks don’t want that… chicks just want stories about your life, about her life, interpersonal gossip, personality discussion. There is a reason why 90% of celebrity gossip is consumed by chicks. So I’ve learned to re-frame my conversational topics… chicks will do some idea talk, but only after a lot of sex and after they’re well into my frame. Brain topics are good once a chick has already decided she likes you sexually. They don’t substitute for visceral attraction. Ideally, I have a couple stories from within the last month or two that will appeal to a chick’s sensibility. About a party, a drama between friends, those kinds of things. What kinds of things I’ve learned. I have “just learned” about massage in a bunch of different months… it’s a handy thing to have “just learned about.” There are others.

Chicks are so heavily into “feelings” and “interpersonal relationships.” Even intelligent/intellectual chicks want to be made to feel feminine by a high-status guy. The number of chicks who are really into abstract/cerebral topics is very small. Smart chicks will want to go there, but after a guy has shown himself to be fun and masculine.

Most chicks LOVE sex but are also kind of afraid of it and guys. It is hard to underestimate the underlying psychological fear inside most chicks’s heads. I try to alleviate it… most chicks are amazed by that effort, because I don’t think most guys “get” how fearful chicks are. Chicks get slut-shamed by society, they are justifiably worried about sexual assault, they are worried about what their friends will think… most chicks love a guy who is sex positive, who doesn’t shame them, who can alleviate their own anxieties. Today that means a guy who can be present and who isn’t on his smartphone 24/7 and who thinks social media is for girls and that what happens online doesn’t matter. I try to get chicks to focus on the here and now and to be as honest with me as they can about what they want sexually. Chicks seem confusing to guys because chicks are also confusing to themselves. Weird, right?

Chicks want to come… they want good sex… they want guys… they just have a biologically wired urge to try and make guys prove themselves, and to put barriers up to sex. I focus on the “chicks want good sex” thing and de-emphasizes the barriers and the nature of female psychosis. Guys who seem to have trouble with chicks reverse those two things… they focus on barriers and competitions, rather than the innate drive to sex.

So I guess “practice” and “trial and error” is a lot of where my “game” came from. And building underlying value, where possible. I’m still building it, in the body and mind. Probably will keep doing it, until I die.

To be me, part of the game is just extending a lot of leads and seeing who’s into it. Being a little bit flirty in a deniable way. Like I said, chicks really do want to be with hot guys who aren’t going to sexually shame the chick… that seems to be pretty rare. I had some problems with internalized feelings of sexual shame around female sexuality when I was younger, but those are absent now.

I have also learned to try and work with my own personality, not against it… that means making my nerdy personality more flirty. Or, and I have used this example before, I’m not musically inclined, so I don’t use playing an instrument and going to concerts/music events in the game, even though those kinds of things seem to work really well for some other guys. I do try to tap into a chick’s dream-state and to get her out of her everyday, logical and stressed-out state.

Along the way I picked up The Game (the book)… I discovered some online writers, many of whom are in the sidebar right now… that gave me a lot more theory, which fed into my practice, and helped me with some sticking points and taught me about ideas like “shit tests” and that sort of thing. I also got more into the idea that it is possible to meet chicks randomly, in a “cold” environment. I built up some “warm” environments for meeting chicks, which helped, but I got a bit better at just chatting up chicks at coffee shops, places like that.

Today, I actually do quite a bit of somewhat “indirect” openers, like with Bike Girl, and am not a big “direct” opener most of the time. This girl was a more direct opener, because of the environment.

Today, I’m also trying to practice the things that I know lead to high value and good outcomes. It seems I am also in a better environment than many guys. Being in a rural or suburban area is poison to game. Being in an urban area with one and ideally two decent bars within walking distance is amazing. Today, some urban areas have hot chicks in them, and universities do, and that’s it. Most chicks don’t take care of themselves and they default to getting fat early. Hot chicks over age 30 are just too rare. The older the guy, the more he has to think about his pipeline for chicks age 20 – 30, who are in prime territory, as he is not likely to default into them. The average chick is also fat and thus invisible to me.

Most guys just don’t go all the way. They can’t or won’t. So they don’t succeed. I am weird because I have gone further and farther than most guys bother. I think I am fairly actualized, as a person… now I am thinking about how to help the next generation become actualized.

I actually think I like the sex-club world because there’s a kind of algorithmic approach to it… you find another couple you like, you chat with them, excuse yourself to get more drinks, and later on you can ask if they want company, then proceed from there.

I write many long posts on many subjects because it’s not possible to answer completely and honestly in shorter spaces. So many guys seem to be giving and taking game advice from Twitter, which has its place, but it’s way too hard to reach the necessary depth in a small number of characters.

I’m not convinced I’m really up there in daygame terms with the advanced guys; I have just figured some stuff out and set up some systems that work for me. The various things I do (online, cold approach, some ecosystem, non-monogamy) work together and complement each other well. I didn’t exactly set out to these things, but they began coming together as I tried out various routes and realized that no single route works best for me. Guys like Krauser and Tom Torero, who seem to only do cold approach… I admire them, but I also lack their tenacity, in some ways. Doing hundreds of truly cold approaches… it seems super time consuming, and I don’t see that many attractive chicks wandering around on a given day. I’m not a great daygamer and would rate my skills as advanced beginner / low intermediate. I just don’t have the practice. I do have expert-level skills in one or two areas (outside of game and women), so I know what expertise feels like. I also know I don’t have that expertise in daygame. I still stumble over words, can’t quite decide what to say/do next, don’t speak fluently, etc. Not all the time; with this chick I was on, granted that she also made it easy and was out to meet guys.

And I’ve definitely hit some pitfalls, especially around 1. One-itis, 2. Expecting chicks to be logical instead of random, and 3. Thinking in my mid-20s that I should somehow find a “good” girl and get settled w/ her. I’ve definitely missed some common pitfalls organically / through luck, most notably marriage, getting fat/complacent, thinking women are angels, and probably one or two others. Even my one-itis problems were less extreme than some guys’s one-itis. Some guys make themselves a random hot chicks bitch for years and years… I didn’t do that, though I have some embarrassing stories from my teens.

People also tend to get out what they put in. People who put in extreme effort, tend to get out extreme results. Those who don’t, don’t. Many hot young chicks don’t put in extreme effort and suffer for their lack of effort as they move through life. Hot chicks who ghost, act bitchy, etc…. that’s an external manifestation of their internal problems. Yes, I would still like to f**k those chicks, but they are the ones who suffer. Trick is to allocate attention correctly.

Like most normal men, I admire guys with deep skills I lack, and that is why I link to many daygamers in the sidebar. The main domain where I have skills/experience most guys seem not to have, or to have developed, is in leveraging the non-monogamy scene in game, so my aim has been to discuss more of that and less of the things I lack expertise in. If I didn’t have some other things going for me, I would probably do a lot more daygame because I would have to.

There is no “moment of clarity” for me. For a lot of guys, that happens because of divorce, because of their one-itis getting banged by some hot guy, because they look in the mirror one day and see a fatass who has been playing video games for the last three years solid, because their “one and only” girlfriend leaves them. I’ve missed most of the very deep bottoms. I like the game because I am curious about how the world works, and because it has taught me things I likely wouldn’t have learned on my own. A couple thousand guys have found this site via search engines, and in that batch I hope there are a couple who have learned how to improve their own lives. We exist on this planet for a very short time, too short to suffer so many bad relationships. But, by historical standards, the world is changing very quickly. From 1900 to 2019 the world has changed in almost unbelievable ways. The things our parents or grandparents did, may not be the right things for us to do.

Most of the “bad” things women do to or with men… are only possible because guys enable them. If a guy withdraws attention and stays away from a woman who is not going where he wants, a lot of the “problems” one reads about will go away. Women thrive on attention.

If I write a book about how to be a man and achieve greater dating success, this post will probably be the introduction. It might be my only other major Red Pill work.

The university mess up and the dorm bicycle

As a university freshman I had a “friend,” we’ll call her Kate, who had a boyfriend at another school out-of-state. She talked about him quite a bit while sober… then would get drunk and become the dorm/school bicycle. If I remember correctly, my roommate had a ride pretty early on.

One night she knocked on my door late at night and came in crying because she’d f**ked some guy who apparently only lasted a minute, then she saw him kissing another girl later that night. She ran up to him, slapped him, and ran away. You may be thinking, “This is just another crazy chick,” but apart from that and some of her sex habits, she seemed pretty normal. She got into bed with me and eventually finished up crying. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top or something like that.

As the conversation petered out, I was trying to decide if I should try to f**k her or not… and I decided not to. Or I was too scared to. I think I didn’t go for her more because of the residual boyfriend guilt than anything else. So there was this super-available, pretty girl… and I didn’t hit it.

But Kate’s madness was an early reference experience that clued me into the idea that what I saw on society’s surface, was (is) different than what’s actually going on. Knowing what I know today, of course the obvious thing is to bend her over, rail her (protected!), and then send her on her way, or just kick her out and tell her to find another orbiter to cry on, but I was not so advanced then. Thinking of myself, then vs. now, is also why I’m willing to entertain and respond to more newbie questions than some guys will… myself at that age did not have the comprehension that I do now. I also didn’t understand that lots of chicks will cheat and for that reason it’s fine to take shots at married chicks or women with boyfriends. If she is going to cheat, I want to let her cheat with me!

At the end of her first year, Kate transferred to her boyfriend’s college… and then broke up with him! This is one of the many reference experiences that can be distilled into the macro point that chicks are random. (See also.) In my younger life I spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to logic out chicks’s behaviors, and it took an embarrassingly long time to reach the “chicks are random” conclusion that most players eventually find. Trying to be overly analytical about an individual chick is foolish. Across many chicks, you can discern patterns, but a single chick is likely to be a random collection of impulses that she doesn’t understand, let alone you. Often if you try to probe for the logic behind a chick’s actions, you’ll get total nonsense, and if you probe too hard, the chick will just get angry. “Why don’t guys just get it?” she thinks. She knows that what she feels in the moment is reality, so guys should understand that too.

Right after college, Kate moved back to my city and I made the mistake of inviting her to a fairly formal party. We went and I tried to bang her after. She still looked good, although less good than she had at age 18/19, but she wouldn’t let me bang her. I was disappointed and still had some residual of the mindset that since we’d had a fancy “date,” we should f**k at the end. Obviously, experienced players know that’s a stupid mindset. She had yet another boyfriend who was supposed to move to our city in a couple months.

After that night, I stopped contacting her, although she kept contacting me for a couple weeks after. I had learned enough to give up on chicks I wanted to bang, but who weren’t going to bang me. I think she saw me as soft and safe (she was somewhat correct about that at the time) and I didn’t want to be in that frame.

So Kate. At some point we were Facebook friends, and we may have done some chatting on Facebook like 10 years ago, but I just tried to look her up to see what she’s like today and discovered she must have unfriended me. That is okay with me, because I can’t imagine having anything to say to her today, but I remember her because of how f**king puzzled I was as a freshman just learning how chicks really work.

Addendum to the fashion post: figure out your weaknesses

After reading the comments to fashion and clothes for players, I thought about the two black guys I’ve known who did well with white chicks. Both of them did the basic stuff right, like lifting, but they also dressed “up” at least one level compared to anyone else in a given situation. If everyone else wore jeans and t-shirts, they’d be in dress pants and a collared shirt. They wore suits much more often than I would recommend for the typical guy.

Why? Since neither was (or is) stupid, they understood that they needed to play against and overcome stereotype. That meant dressing better than the average guy, speaking better than the average guy, and being friendlier/warmer/more smiley than the average white guy. Their (probably subconscious) goal was to communicate to chicks, “I am friendly and am not going to hurt you. I have my life together.” Their goal was to avoid the immediate reaction (which, sorry black guys reading this, is often justified in everyday experience).

My goal is usually to NOT appear like a boring office drone. Given my life and personality, I need to increase my implied “edge” and not seem to boring. Both the guys I’m thinking of, needed to convey other ideas to functional, middle-class chicks and higher. Contrary to what you may see in porn or elsewhere in anxious men’s writing, most functional chicks are NOT attracted to low-class and ghetto behaviors / personas. The exceptions tend to make for spectacular stories, but they are exceptions.

It’s possible that lower-class/ghetto behaviors are effective with equivalent girls, but I don’t know a lot about the bottom-level world of true social and economic dysfunction. My sense is that most chicks in it are fat/ugly by their early 20s if not sooner. When I did conventional online dating I would run into occasional girls from that world, and even had sex with a few, but we never really got along correctly because the cultural/intelligence chasm between us was too wide. Plus, as I said, I think most chicks in that culture have terrible diet and exercise habits, so even if they start off as attractive teenagers, the decline is swift. Perhaps other guys can chime in with experiences.

There might also be a world of super rich people hooking up mostly with each other, or where the guys have so much money that the gap between “paying for it directly” and “implicitly paying indirectly” is very small. In this world, maybe it makes sense to wear $5,000 in fancy clothes that other ultra-rich people can recognize. But if this world exists, it’s very small and immaterial to me, as well as to virtually all guys who aren’t already in it.