You are not a special and unique sunflower: Jung and game

I tweeted this, last week, “At least half a dozen guys have messaged me to say they think they know a chick from one of my stories.” Ms. Slav, most often… since I’ve written most often about her. I think the repeated identifications are a sign, a sign that patterns in human behavior are universal. We are less unique than we think.

What is happening to me… is happening to guys and chicks in every city. It’s happening all around you, you just don’t know it, or realize it. I didn’t know about this whole sex club, open relationship world existed until the chick I call #1 introduced me to it. Now I realize that it’s organized and that the people in it have to be organized if they’re going to keep it going on a regular basis. I have also slowly realized that the number of people involved is far, far greater than I ever would have realized. And also that more women are open to it than young Red Quest would have guessed. Many women are open to this pattern… though almost all want primary partners too.

To our parents… we are irreplaceable. And if our parents are any good, they are irreplaceable to us. But the parent/child relationship has many patterns. Rapidly, as you move away from that, we are more and more replaceable, and more like other people. Ideally, children are the same to their parents… they are a pattern, yes, but also unique and irreplaceable.

Game is about learning the patterns… if there were no patterns, it’d be no good.

I am more similar to other guys like me than I want to think. You are probably more similar to other guys than you want to admit.

Because the patterns are universal, I see patterns in other people and they see them in me. Baller psychologist Carl Jung argues that each of us taps into a universal unconscious that shapes us… maybe that is also why so many people believe in reincarnation/access to past lives… because that is the universal pattern reaching into them. The book I have been talking about lately, KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, is heavily influenced by Jung. It sets up types of guys. You should read it to get your head straight, and to figure out which type you are most… I am most MAGICIAN, I’m sure regular readers will not be surprised to discover. This has good aspects and bad aspects… good or bad I’m kind of stuck with them… I will probably never truly be a KING or WARRIOR guy, regardless of my own desires. To change fundamental types at this stage in my game… not easy.

The interesting thing to me is that no guy, from what I have seen, has written comprehensively about the patterns involved in game (as elucidated by Krauser, etc.) AND the patterns involved in sex clubs. A few people have written about one or the other, but not both.

That’s the one uncommon thing about me. I have seen the patterns and reported back on them. Guys have been seeing the patterns in game for a while… Nash wrote about a book from the ’70s that isn’t SO different from what modern gamers do. The old newsgroup alt.seduction spawned the SoSuave forum, and those two things energized Neil Strauss and Mystery. Strauss and Mystery seeded the London Daygame guys. All of those sources have percolated in my own mind, and they have influenced the book I put out.

Smartphones are changing some tactics but the overall strategy is the same. Jung gets it… he understands that we are patterns, and, if we are to have a chance at breaking the pattern, we have to see it first. Most guys never get the sex lives they want because they have bad value or they never get the patterns down. We need to read books so we can find the patterns hidden from us in our regular lives. Many men are frustrated by the game (that is the cause of sites like PUAhate and SLUThate) because they think they can never engage the methods that make guys successful, or the reality of sexual competition contravenes their early programming… frequently religious and sometimes feminist.

Knowing you are second-rate, sexually… it must be hard. Now we have porno and game blogs that CONFIRM you are a second or third rate guy. How do you respond? Some guys up their game. Some guys fall into depression. Some guys engage in denial, hate, and anger. Some guys spend their lives hunting for the girl who is the exception… there are girls who are exceptions… they are just super rare. If you have the skills to get girls in the centre of the distribution, you likely have the skills to get the rare girls, but not the other way around.

I think that’s the psychology behind haters and male feminists… the ones who see the pattern but can’t learn how to use the pattern. Guys who succeed learn the seduction process, through experience or synthetically through the game. Our processes are pretty similar. We think we are special, but we are wrong. Other guys think they know the chicks I have discussed… actually, they are seeing archetypes of those chicks, and that’s it.

Trippy, right? At the top of the game, the game starts to sound like hippie bullshit again. At the bottom of the game, the game is a struggle to amass sufficient value to attract decent chicks. It’s very dog-eat-dog.

When we are kids we think we are special. Some people never get past that notion. The rest of us learn that we have to make ourselves special.

When you read a book like WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER you find out that you are less special than you had thought… but you also learn how to optimize your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. I have many weaknesses… but I have probably not emphasized them in the writing here. Maybe they can be guessed.

It’s funny to me, being the repository for other people’s projections and experiences.

One of the big things many guys have to learn, or unlearn, is that women love f**king… but they are compelled by their psychologies to conceal that somewhat, and they are told by the society they grow up in to conceal their love. So a lot of guys remain ignorant about female nature for a long time… some guys forever… thus movies like THE MATRIX resonating. Learning the truth, recognizing your own inadequacy in some domains… it can be very painful. For guys who are soft, who have never competed in sports or lifted in the gym, it can be really hard. For guys who have spent their lives optimizing the wrong thing, thinking that women will be attracted to well-paid, boring IT workers… it can be brutal and shattering.

There is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Particularly for men.

Girls who do stupid things, like yell back at a carload of guys late at night

Last night I went to a party and afterwards came back with three other people, two girls and a guy. As we were walking back to one of the girls’s place, someone in a car full of black guys yelled… something… I don’t know what, at the girls. And the one I knew yelled back and gave them the finger. Mind, the hour was late and we were in a deserted neighborhood, in a neighborhood that might politely be called gentrifying.

We were crossing the street, and the guy driving the car kept going, then stopped to start to spin around, to return to us. I told the girls to hurry, which the one who shouted didn’t really do… I kept an eye on the car, but fortunately it got caught up in some other cars coming and going, and we got inside the building. I’m not sure that the girls or the other guy realized what was happening, but, when we got inside, I told her that it’s not smart to yell at a car load of guys in on an empty street late at night… she disagreed some… she might be right about them being assholes, but that the time and place for taking her feminist stance was completely wrong.

I was also totally unarmed, without even an extending baton or real pepper spray (triple-action spray). I think this chick forgets that there are two worlds, maybe more than that but I will focus on these two… a predominantly white and Asian white-collar professional world with norms that focus on resolving conflict verbally, trading, making money, etc. The other world is predominantly black and focused on brutality, drugs, and prison mores. It’s dysfunctional and a lot of people in the white, top world forget that the black, bottom world exists. If you fail to remember this, you may pay for it… last night we were fine, but there were four or five of them and two of us. It’s somehow racist to point out that I don’t want to deal with a car full of guys and them being black makes it worse.

It’s a mistake to think your world is the only one… many white-world dwellers condemn the police, often justifiably, for publicized instances of brutality… but I think the police also absorb a lot of the ghetto world street mores, not law school world mores, and they forget that the other world exists. Police also mostly keep ghetto dysfunction in its place. In many cities, we have built palaces to ghetto dysfunction called public housing, or just bad neighborhoods… but many people are pushing into those bad neighborhoods, and conflict results. White liberal voters want MORE palaces of ghetto dysfunction, as long as the palace is far away from their immediate neighborhood. I was basically in one of those gentrifying neighborhoods. If you go outside of your zone, you are also seeking conflict, which is not smart (unless you know what you are doing and do it deliberately, in which case good for you I guess).

Obviously there are many black people in the white, productive world and many white people in the ghetto values world, but the pattern is super clear, and assume the pattern holds until proven otherwise. That is why I wrote in the fashion post about two black guys I know/knew who did well with white chicks, and how they consciously or unconsciously worked to neutralize the ghetto race associations. The associations that the guys from last night were diligently working to cement. They were probably guys who are used to going to prison, have been in and out of it, etc., which are also the guys I don’t want to deal with unless I absolutely have to.

So I was annoyed with this chick. If she wants to pick a fight with a carload of black guys in an area with lots of traffic during the day, that’s her prerogative I guess. But it’s a f**king stupid thing to do late at night. I have become somewhat more preoccupied with just not putting up with retarded behavior.

I have talked about this before, but most chicks who have problems with guys invite those problems in. This girl’s behavior would be an example of inviting the problem in. I think I have a little bit more contact with or knowledge of the ghetto world than most white city liberals, so I am less tolerant of interacting with it. Overall I like this girl and no one is perfect, but damn it’s annoying to watch someone invite dysfunction into her life this way.

“Types, truth, bad vibes, and the red pill attachment style”

We haven’t had a Nash bomb lately, so “Types, truth, bad vibes, and the red pill attachment style” is very welcome, though it will disappoint guys hungry for field reports.

i like how you call most ‘red pill’ assertions as essentially either defensive or reactive to the woman’s imperative….this is absolutely correct in my opinion, and a huge drag on guys progress’ in learning to get better with women…..

I think it’s a little different… it depends where the guy starts from. For a lot of guys who have been completely unsuccessful their whole lives, it is necessary to start by protecting what little value they have. And building that value up. Without some underlying value, it’s easy to see only the “bad” side of women. Kind of like how fat chicks are much more likely to see the “bad” side of men… because she is sexually invisible, or visible only to the lowest guys, she finds the “men bad” argument very palatable. You almost never see attractive women who are hardcore feminists. It also seems pretty rare to see attractive men who are hardcore Red Pill “harsh truthers” to speak Nash’s language.

I never, ever try to create Anxiety in women. In no way does Anxiety turn women on.

Mr Anxiety is not only a Type, but he is also very confused on this topic. So much so, I am certain that Desire is not his specialty.

Even if Nash doesn’t try to create anxiety, I can almost guarantee he sometimes does. Maybe often does. When you withdraw attention. When she realizes she’s losing you. When she realizes that you’re higher value than she thought and she’s been a bit of a bitch. When she’s debating whether to see you that night or see someone else (not necessarily male) that night. Etc. At some point… she’s got to be a bit anxious about whether she’s hooked you, as much as you’re worried about whether you’ve hooked her. Typically the guy is worried at first, but the chick worries later on… if she’s never got some anxiety, that’s not great. Chicks are very attracted to ambiguous relationships, and ambiguity implies some anxiety about what the relationship is.

There is such a thing as too much anxiety and such a thing as too much security. Most guys generate too much security and are boring. This is the source of the “anxiety” advice. Within the context of a longer-term relationship, security is good… and there are different types of security and anxiety, and Nash talks of some of those types.

Notice how the hardcore Redpill guys are constantly yammering about bipolar girls (BPD). I’m a Secure type, I don’t aim for “broken” girls, so I really know almost nothing about BPD girls. My “vibe” doesn’t attract them. They are never in life.

I have pretty limited experience with really badly behaved chicks… I think most badly behaved chicks show themselves pretty early, in smaller ways, before they get to the really terrible behaviors, and I think that I notice, sometimes subconsciously, the bad behavior… and don’t reward it. So I don’t think I get far with the really f**ked up chicks. Or I don’t go deep with them.

A girl who is too fucked up… I don’t want her around. This includes chicks who want to extract money from me (for example demanding dinners out), chicks who are excessively negative, chicks who are too into drugs… there are probably some other types I am missing too. Oh I know, chicks who have a history of violence or violent exes.

The last one is important… contrary to the blue pill media narrative some chicks like violent guys and cultivate those guys in their lives. Like I said previously, most female bad behavior doesn’t spring from nowhere… for chicks, the same is true of men. Smart chicks see precursor signs of bad male behavior and cut those guys from their lives, fast. Dumb chicks, fucked up chicks… they see the signs and ignore them or worse like them.

All of our lives are patterned (a topic for another upcoming post)… if a chick has a pattern of past “abuse” or what have you… she is part of that pattern and you as a guy need to rid yourself of her. You will be the “next abuser” in her narrative of injustice.

The same thing is true at work. If you have a worker, colleague, whoever, who has a long history of supposedly being exploited by bosses, companies, etc…. you know the problem is probably with him. Anyone can get in a bad job situation once or twice… three or more times and it’s the worker’s fault.

There are more commonalities between job patterns and dating patterns than most red pill guys realize. Something to think about in that.

Most people will show/tell you who they are… usually not directly, but you can get the point. Believe them and react accordingly. Protect yourself to the extent you can.

Has Nash, or you, read KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine yet? I don’t see it in Nash’s blog search. It is a book about understanding the self, and a book about types.

One more point, not very connected to the above… I heard from a guy who asked about Nash and I disagreeing with each other in comments. It was a bit of a strange message because it seemed to assume that two people must agree about everything, or be enemies? Whatever it is, I think we are more aligned than not, and I find his thinking very interesting. But it’s also fine and normal for people to have some differences of view and talk them out… like normal people… unlike followers seeking gurus online. Or gurus seeking followers. I am not a guru. I have done some things right… some things wrong… most things in the middle… ideally I am trying to help other guys accelerate their own learning.

For an example of some disagreement, Nash uses way too many capital letters in his post… we don’t need so many proper nouns. But that is a deliberate decision on his part, I’m sure.

I’m also a little bit more sympathetic to mainstream “Red Pill” than he is, in his post… for the basic guy, getting off video games, improving his diet, hitting the gym, socializing more, developing new skills and hobbies… just not handicapping himself… is likely going to do a lot for his practice with chicks. Just not doing the bad things is “enough” for a lot of guys to see significant improvement. Maybe not enough for a guy to become a true player, but enough that he’s no longer stepping on his own dick. If a guy can implement some basics… that is a big jump over his starting space.

Oh yes, and most guys are not reading at all… so they do not have the tools to understand human relations… some guys are naturals and don’t need that, some guys are too dumb to comprehend what they read, but a lot of guys aren’t living up to what they should because they have not discovered the many guys who have ALREADY asked the questions we all are asking, and answered some of the questions. The tools are available… many guys aren’t using them.

So there is my Friday afternoon rambling, before the Internet-free weekend. Go outside, talk to people, read a book.

More backsliding

More backsliding, after this incident … there is a tentative foursome scheduled for me, Ms. Slav, Peaches, and Peaches Man on Thursday. Without me, I do believe it would be a threesome, or conceivably a fivesome, … we’ll see. Tentative, because chicks are leading the way on this one, and we all know what that means.

It’s hard to turn down a free lunch.

It’s also stupid to eat just because it’s there.

It’s weird to be in position to be a little blah about f**king a couple hot chicks, but here is me … I should go do some cold approach to remind me that I am not special and I should not believe I’ve got a magic c**k.

Gay guy hits on me as I walk back from coffee

I was walking back from coffee this morning when a gay guy shouted at me, “How do you do it?” I asked him, “Do what?” He basically gave me an up and down motion and was like, “THAT.” I laughed and told him “practice,” somewhat nonsensically, and kept walking. But it gave me a little sparkle. “Still got it!” I thought.

Obviously I’m not gay and there is absolutely nothing that that guy could have done to seduce me, but I bring this up to encourage guys who are unsatisfied with their sex and romantic lives to try daygame (this is a bit hypocritical because I have not done a hue amount of daygame, but I have done some). Many chicks will react the way I did… pleasantly, and they’ll be kind of flattered, even if there is a 0% chance they will sleep with you. Many guys seem to think that chicks are out to be silently mean, cruel and judgmental. Most are not. You will get some blowouts but in my experience probably the most common reaction is a bit of confusion.

You may notice that I was a bit confused and so my response didn’t really make sense, but that’s okay. Some chicks will thank you for stopping them and a larger number will walk away with a smile on their face. Many women are complaining to their friends that they have no way to meet guys. Be the way. Most women won’t take any real action whatsoever to improve their lives and rely on guys to direct their lives, then find themselves frustrated when no guy appears to direct them.

Be that guy.

There is an extreme shortage of good vibes in the world.

Whoops. Last weekend. Backsliding in game.

Went to a private party two Saturday nights ago, intending to see some friends and leave. Said party was much larger than I thought it would be, with fewer people who I knew, but enough that I could do a lot of chitchat and set merges. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman I’ve f**ked a few times before, not recently (last time was two years ago?) and have also hung out with apart from f**king. She looks very good for her age, late 30s, with a high 7 body (must have been boy-slender while she was younger, so she has grown into her body, as some very thin chicks do) and a less-good high 5 / low 6 face. Her body looked very good in her lingerie bodysuit… we got around to talking, very close together, a lot of eye f**king, and then I asked if I could kiss her (necessary in that environment). She said yes and it progressed straightaway from there, into kissing, groping, me spanking her vigorously… despite some wrist/elbow problems, that I foolishly ignored in the moment, with her getting more and more into it, me getting more into it, moving her by her hair, having her go down on me to get me hard, then me bringing her onto a bed for a minute. It was very on, and we f**ked on the bed, then I put her on a spanking bench and really let rip.

I don’t mean to brag, but I railed this girl harder than Amtrak. I also caught that mystical moment when you’re pleasurably f**king the girl, you’re totally engaged, but you’re not moving too much towards orgasm and can control the flow. We probably f**ked hard. I believe she had one clitoral orgasm with her fingers, then, while she was on the spanking bench (not this sex bench but in the same neighborhood), and I felt off, and she then had a full-body g-spot vaginal orgasm. I think the spanking bench was key because she could relax the tension in her entire body and let her weight be distributed along her shins, knees, and torso, with just her p***y opening available at the end for me to rail. And I could hold her by the neck, hair, or hips… having her by the back of the neck seemed to do it for her, so I did that. Maybe she got a little bit of choking sensation from the weight.

I almost came from her clitoral orgasm, but I managed not to by slowing my speed and even holding still while she spasmed. Then, as her p***y began to relax again, I started going again. I asked her if it was too much and she said no, and sure enough I could not outlast her more intense orgasm. It felt like hours passed, but realistically it was probably like 10 minutes, maybe 13 – 15… 10 minutes of extreme exertion… not quite like sprinting (no one can sprint for 10 straight minutes), yet still enough to be physically exhausting. I know about the hours thing, because I have checked the tape and seen that what can feel like an hour turns out to be six minutes or something (chicks will also posit that we were at it for like an hour, but time stamps don’t lie to either of us). I have even asked chicks… “How long was that?” “30 minutes.” Then the tape shows that it was like 6 or 7 minutes… you cannot trust people on the subject of sex. Even if we don’t mean to lie, we lie.

When this chick, I will call her Skinny Minnie, and I finished we lolled together for a while, very much in our own world. Other people instinctively and intelligently let us be. It felt like we were in that post-sex bonding high state for many hours, but, again, I’m sure it was in reality far shorter than that.

I admire women in the 35 – 50 range who haven’t given up… there could be a lot more women who still have some sexual allure in that age range, but they don’t because they love sugar, simple carbs, and drinking more than they love sex, sensuality, and connection. Obviously no 40 year old woman is going to be as attractive as a hot 20 year old woman, but many of them could still have something going for them if they weren’t lazy and undisciplined. Saying this is like complaining about the weather, as I’m not going to change it, but my admiration for those who don’t let themselves morph into jabba the hut and then blame it on their kid or their job has gone up.

I theorize that Skinny Minnie and I were just familiar enough with each other to have great sex, but not so familiar as to be bored. We’d just gotten over the unfamiliar to familiar line and could thus relax into the f**king. The only regret is the condom, though it was necessary given the circumstances. The great sex may have had nothing to do with familiar/defamiliar and it might just be one of those things that happens if you go at it enough times and keep honing your skills.

For someone who probably has annoying feminist political views and who probably hates children, I like Skinny Minnie a lot. Online life is disfiguring our ability to hang out, bond with other people, and not go into paroxysms of bullshit over every relatively minor political thing that happens. I’m talking to you too, angry Red Pill guys.

On Sunday (a little less than two weeks ago now), I went to a more sedate event… and this girl was there! Unbelievable. She was also there with another couple, who we met together. We talked some, but she has had some tumultuous life events and problems that I don’t want to enumerate because they are very specific to her. I was so so hot for her at first… I have pictures that make you think she’s a high 9 and pictures that could make you think she’s a high 6. Angles and lighting, man. I was so hot for her when I first laid, and now I can barely remember why. Some chicks, when body and mind are very appealing to me, I can stay very attracted for a very long time (e.g. Short Dancer).

Strangely, I feel bad on the net about that weekend, because it moved me further away from my “long range” goals. I also ate a piece of bread and some pasta at the event on Sunday, against paleo principles… eating wrongly is interesting because a very small amount of wrong goes a very long way for me… when I have slipped in the past, I have felt substantially worse than I typically do, yet with very little slippage. I can’t fathom the typical people (fatties, mostly) who eat all this sugar and feel like shit 98% of the time. That could explain why so many people are f**king c**ts.

I wasn’t congruent between short term and long term goals. I can likely “get away” with it in some sense, but that is not a good way to think if you want to build lasting, purpose-driven relationships. Most people WILL notice incongruence over time. That is also the basis for some of my view in relationships with women, like, it is good to trust but verify… so you basically trust her, but if you have the opportunity, double check. She says she’s with her best friend Tuesday night, so next time you see the friend, “Tell me about Tuesday.” Does the best friend know what you mean right away?

She’s working late, so you bring her a snack without warning… you walk in, drop it off quickly, and leave. Is she happy to see you? What’s her body language like with her coworker? Etc. Is her behavior congruent with what she says? Contrary to what you read among angry Red Pillers, most women are pretty congruent, once they are established in a relationship. But it is also a good idea to keep the temperature of the congruence… is she suddenly developing new “guy friends?” Is her relationship first? Is what she wants and what you want the same? Does she say she wants a family but doesn’t behave that way? Does she say she wants to party but you can tell she wants a family? These are all things to think about.

Then there are other forms of incongruence. Does she try to put on a smart/intelligent face but is actually dumb? Is she actually pretty smart but trying to appear dumb? Probably no one, myself included, is 100% consistent and congruent, but it is good to keep your eye on the gauges and note when one is out of whack. Smart chicks are of course doing the same to you, and if you are not living the way you say you are, she will notice.

I don’t think very many people are totally hit blind and without warning about the various ways relationships break down… if you listen to your internal senses, without being paranoid, and run little spot checks… you can figure out what’s up. It’s true that there are a lot of social retards out there in the Internet, who can’t do this, and then bad things happen to them… but most of us need to cultivate our own instincts. If we do that, many problems can be prevented or foreseen, and prepared for. Many men today also do not fundamentally understand that no relationships is automatically permanent… she can leave at any time… once you have internalized this idea, you will structure your life accordingly.

Skinny Minnie… she doesn’t have the best face but her body is still doing well. There is another girl, I’ll call her Blondie, who I slept with for a while four or five years ago… she was curvy (in a genuine, good way) with a flat stomach… not very bright but very attractive, very sexual. So good in bed. Probably a low 8. Maybe mid 8 (then). Now… high 5? Low 6? I saw her again recently, and she is one for whom the idea of the wall was invented. Just shocking degradation, and without having had a kid, over a short period of time. Skinnie Minnie is older but has better discipline (I think) as well as a better body type for aging. Some girls also really know how to f**k and be f**ked, and Skinnie Minnie is one of them.

So that was the weekend before last. Last weekend (six days ago now), I went to a friend’s party that had some elements similar to the prior weekend… but almost no one of interest. One pretty 22-year-old freak (which I like and say in a positive way) who doesn’t shave under her arms (HUGE turnoff to me) was interested… I’ve run into her before… interest is low due to hair issue. It’s a real shame because she’s a solid high 7 if she shaves properly and normally. Watching an attractive woman sexually neuter herself is f**king painful.

Another woman was there who was I just not into… she’s like 43 or 45 or something and is in not bad shape for her age, but to me she’s just not of sexual interest. Drop five or seven years and I think she’d be in the acceptable ballpark. Another couple was asking me what I think of the woman, and I was like, “She’s just not my type.” They kept going, “Why?” I didn’t want to say, “Too old and beat up,” even though that’s the answer… they know it, and I know it, and they know I know. Everyone knows why I wasn’t interested, but in this atmosphere it’s dangerous to admit, “I want the hot chicks not the other ones.” Particularly for casual liaisons. I bet this woman was SMOKING hot when she was 22. She has nice interpersonal energy, bubbly personality, but I feel bad for her… no kids, still trying to make it happen, not getting there. Too many fatties at the party in general… almost all of them were the kind of people who make you think, “With a little bit of discipline and time in the gym you could raise your value a lot.” Something that was true of both the men and the women, by the way. Too much of a freakshow for me, overall, although two of the guys there have basically set up a club/party ecosystem. It’s not an easy way for it to happen, but I understand the appeal.

It’s always funny to feel sexual energy and interest from a chick who is not of interest. As I ratcheted my sexual energy down, she ratcheted hers up. It’s extremely rare for a genuinely attractive chick to move on me… I’m not sure it’s ever happened… sure, sometimes they might hang around in proximity, that sort of thing.

If you get an unattractive woman hitting on you, it should remind you of what women have to go through… an unattractive woman is not a sexual threat to me. A chick may get unwanted attention from a guy who is 8 inches taller than her and outweighs her by 40+ pounds (not that common anymore because of how fat the average chick is, but let’s assume this is for an attractive woman, as large chicks are their own man repellant).

This weekend I am going to lay low and focus on family things and the better relationship. I need to do that more consistently, but I am struggling more than I should between different desires. Magnum reviews the new Krauser book and it sounds like the book is covering some of the psychological territory I am in. I will write more about the book when I am done with it and will probably give my copy away.

One interesting thing is that over the course of my player journey, if I had one, I have gotten better at letting go of chicks who I am not so interested in, and letting go of chicks who are less interested in me. It has probably reduced the lay count quite a bit (fine with me), but it is a better way to live. I was more dogged at first, and there is a place for doggedness… but doggedness can degrade your psychology and make you not like chicks very much.

This has turned into a ramble, but my method for writing is to read some things or have some experiences and then reflect on them and what they mean. These are some recent experiences and some ideas on what they might mean.

*Sex and the City* and the woman’s age

Spinster Candace Bushnell, the woman who wrote the original *Sex and the City* book and then created the famous TV show, is now in her 50s and has written a book about how being single and childless at that age sucks for chicks… most of you readers already know this, of course, because older women are competing for a pool of guys who would rather date women in their 20s or 30s, if possible.

Let’s not reiterate that again, instead I will observe that I am of the age in which pretty much every high school and college girl I knew watched the show when it came out and watched it again on DVD (before streaming was common, many movies and TV shows shipped on plastic discs that had to be purchased one-by-one, for you young guys reading this). Younger chicks perceived it as very glamorous. I also read the *Sex and the City* book way back when and watched most of the show, here and there, usually w/ chicks. I think the key to a chick’s interpretation of either is how old the chick is. For teen girls and girls up to the late 20s (perhaps 28/29), the show reads as glamorous f**king around in the city and being serenaded/seduced by a wild variety of hot hot men who are going to pick up the tabs for fancy dinners, whisk them around to clubs, etc. The shiny fantasy rules.

For women over age 28/29, *Sex and the City* starts to look like the “cock carousel” much-discussed online by men… older women see the guys in the show are getting copiously laid while offering the women a minimum of commitment, and female-female competition is fierce and relentless. NYC is expensive and, in the real world, it’s very hard for most women to make enough money to have a reasonable standard of living in the city without a guy to subsidize her. But a lot of the guys want to play the field and will not subsidize her. Older women detect underlying sadness in the show, but most younger women don’t detect the underlying sadness until it’s too late.

A lot of women feel like they have to viciously compete in NYC due to male/female ratios that favor men. That’s the thing the city still has most going for it, for players. Many women don’t read enough and don’t understand why NYC is a different market than most cities in the rest of the country.

Older women can accept that NYC is hard, choose a guy she perceives as “lesser,” or go poly, or just fuck around and accept that they’re not going to have kids, which will make them bitter and alone when older. Most women want kids, though, and can’t be happy without a family. Thus the neuroticism and deep unhappiness of single women over age 35. Such women are dangerous as bosses, I want to add.

The *Sex and the City* TV show’s undercurrent of hysteria is because most of the women are over 30 and know time is not on their side. The show is similar except that there is an unrealistic deus ex machina for Carrie at the very end. But if you watch the show carefully, you’ll be aware that most of the women in it are not very happy because they know they are living their lives poorly.

I also think many chicks have a dangerous precedent because they get enormous sexual market power (SMV) very early, as teens (provided they are not fat), and can fairly easily maintain that SMV power for fifteen years just by not being fat. Today, chicks using online dating can feel the incredible SMV power of their youth even more keenly than chicks before online dating. The decline in SMV can be rapid, however, leaving many women psychologically wounded because what was “easy” for them has suddenly become hard. The same thing happens to a few guys, like the high school athletes gone to seed who had high SMV and see it drop. More common is the guy who sees his SMV rise as he works on his body, mind, and income throughout his 20s and 30s.

Candace Bushnell was probably warned about her shelf life but decided that hot short-term sex is better than having a family, particularly a family with a low-status male.

The writer of the article that got me started on this piece is a feminist, yet she also notices, “Then I read some of the original Observer pieces, which were tough and unsentimental, even caustic.” That is also my reading, because even then Bushnell was in her 30s competing for cool guys who really want chicks in their 20s. Bushnell and her friends discover what lots of women do. The feminist writer says of the new Bushnell, “The book captures the buoyancy of the writer’s brand, but it also has a weather-beaten, mellow quality. If the women in ‘Sex and the City’ were living the dream, these characters are trailing after, reminiscing about, sometimes questioning it.” The women in *Sex and the City* were never living their dream, except for promiscuous Samantha, as their true dream is having a wealthy cool guy and having a family with that man. Something none of them were on the path to doing because they were too busy f**king hot guys. Lesson for guys is simple, be the hott guy. This lesson has been well-learned and now many women complain of “players.” Players exist because women prefer hot fun-loving guys to boring reliable provider guys. Even provider guys are figuring out that there is little benefit to being a provider guy and a lot of benefit to hitting the gym and being a party, hot-sex guy. I don’t think every guy has what it takes to be a party hot-sex guy but many do.

Women in many big cities and upper-middle-class households are socialized to chase the job and career, like men. Then women discover as they get older that those things are less satisfying than having a family, but they are not going to drop their socialized acceptance of the lame careers they have as middle managers.

That article has lots of bullshit in it, such as talk of “how our ideas of masculinity and femininity have shifted” between 1997 and today. They haven’t much. Yes, among some gender freaks in Brooklyn there are loser androgenes, but very few hot chicks will deliberately make themselves less hot and very few top guys will deliberately make themselves more feminized. There is more gender confusion, with fat chicks leading the way, but on the whole masculinity remains and guys who want a good sex life cultivate their masculinity, and women who want top guys cultivate their femininity.

Today of course the Internet helps guys learn the game and helps people interested in sexual depravity like myself discover others interested in sexual depravity. So I do believe that weird sex practices are increasingly prevalent, and players who don’t slut-shame women and who lift weights will have much greater access to those practices.

I am thinking about next life steps because I don’t want to be the equivalent of a 35-year-old woman who has f**ked her best years and highest value away and is struggling to set up what she wants to do next… a very common pattern that players age 30+ are familiar with. I wonder how many guys would also be better off moving to the midwest, where family is more valued, when they/we are less excited about chasing random chicks (guys under age 30 can ignore this statement). Many people also see their life priorities change when their parents or other family age or die… that can be a jarring reminder that life is finite and some of our choices preclude us from pursuing particular paths. At age 20 it is easy to think you will be young forever and that your family will be the same forever… you will not and they will not.

I don’t get the sense that lots of younger chicks still watch the show but I have run into a few who have, often at early ages (11, 12, 13… I meet them when they are much older I want to add!).

Overall, *Sex and the City* reaffirms that chicks want to be seduced by hot guys. That is what all their fantasies are about, in TV or in fiction, and men can learn how to seduce and be seductive.