Rarely has a title been truer than UNWIFEABLE, a book in which a hot woman tells us boredom = death, a lesson many guys fail to learn… let’s review the evidence, as she f**ks a dull rich guy, gets “halfway through a boring night at dinner,” then begins drinking to make the people around her entertaining. In New York City, “I make new [female] friends who tell me their stories of suffering through boring-ass business guys who get them into Michelin-rated restaurants and how they feel no qualms about taking them for a $300 meal because the guy is getting their company.” Nice guys have been erroneously told that money will make girls like them. Two women “exchange a secret glance within the first few minutes communicating the exact same thing: This guy is the reason women give up on dating entirely. He’s not even a bad guy—at all. He’s just so boring.” A man “launches into the world’s most boring story about his cell phone provider, and as we walk across the gravel, I am counting steps, grateful for the gift of disassociation.” “I find him boring, and I want to make sure he knows that. So as Blaine watches, I begin to flirt with everyone in the immediate vicinity—his friends, the caterers, my coworkers, gay men just trying to get out of my way.” You, Mr. Nice Guy, think of yourself as “stable.” She thinks of you as “boring.”
It’s amazing to me how mean many of these people are… Mandy is mean to any guy who reciprocates her interest in a direct and kind way (they bore her). Guys are mean to her. Is this what normal people’s worlds look like? But she makes me think… how many chicks have I met like Mandy, who say they want to be wives, but don’t act like it at all… and are then surprised when they don’t become wives. It’s like guys who think they want to be players, but don’t hit the gym, don’t go out and socialize, and complain online about chicks. When there is a wide gap between stated desire and actions that might bring one closer to that desire, it is time for therapy to try and understand why that gap exists and what might be done to close it.
All of us broadcast signals. We image match. If the signals we broadcast conflict with what we think we really want, there are problems. Mandy thinks she wants to be a wife, but she chooses to f**k guys who are not interested, not even slightly, in being husbands. Chicks are not stupid, although chicks, like everyone, may not behave optimally. This one seems to have a pattern: reject or ignore outright the guys most interested in her, and chase down the ones doing drugs and sex. I personally am not huge on chicks who are drunk or high, although yes I have been there too. A positive, direct thing I can say about her, however, is that she takes responsibility for her behavior and doesn’t blame guys for having sex with her when she’s drunk. That being responsible for herself counts as a virtue today speaks to today’s media culture.
This book, UNWIFEABLE, is so dark. I wonder how many chicks could write books like it, in which I’d be a bit character (“I look up and see this guy putting on a condom. What’s his name again? But my FWB who gave me the coke is already inside his date so I guess to I have to…”) Not a lot, I hope… not zero, either.
If you want to f**k around a lot, Mandy’s story makes polyamory look pretty good… in theory at least you are supposed to like each other, and care, a little bit, about each other, while also f**king other people. In this book the guys are all predatory and malevolent (the ones who aren’t are “boring”), in Mandy’s view… what is their view? How many of them were f**king her and looking into her eyes clouded by drink or drugs and wanting a family?
In her late 30s, Mandy goes through what Rollo calls the epiphany phase:
I’ve previously described this phase as a parallel to men’s feminine-redefined midlife crisis. This is a precarious time for women, usually the years between 28 and 30, where she makes attempts to reassess the last decade of her life. Women’s psychological rationalization engine (a.k.a. the Hamster) begins a furious effort to account for, and explain to her reasonings for not having successfully secured a long term monogamous commitment from as Alpha a man as her attractiveness could attain for her. . . . The self-affirming psychological schema is one where she’s “finally doing the right thing”, when in fact she’s simply making the necessity of her long term provisioning and security a virtue she hopes men will appreciate.
Rollo’s a little too harsh here, because I think most chicks do fundamentally want love… from a sufficiently high value man. Many of them, however, have dysfunctional ways of going about it (the more dysfunctional the girl, the better she responds to gamey game?), or, like this one, prefers excitement to love. She gets herself better than a lot of people do… “There is a true irony that people who are blogging or podcasting all about the minutiae of their lives are sometimes the loneliest people of all.”
Mandy also chooses an environment that’s high in excitement and low in commitment (New York City) and within that environment, sub-environments that are the same (stand-up comedy). Her book is funny, but mostly sad, and it’s a sad lament for the spinsters and to-be spinsters out there. It is bleak at times… “I am thirty-six years old. I have $279 in my bank account. I have no job prospects. I have no romantic prospects. I have nothing. And it feels like such a relief.”
Mandy’s memoir is red pill in another package,
The main epiphany for me came in realizing that success is not a finite, limited resource, and that I was coming from a mentality of lack versus one of abundance. Understanding this is a huge part of the battle.
Guys have the same problems Mandy does, when we get jealous of the success of others, instead of measuring ourselves and realizing we live in a world of abundance, if we choose to view it that way and access it (most of us don’t, sadly). This chick is going through what a lot of guys do… with the key difference that sex is easily available to her, whenever she wants it, which isn’t true of guys. But people don’t appreciate what is readily available (when were you last truly grateful for clean running water?), so that is kind of invisible, as is the way of chicks.
What people say, particularly the negative things, are often reflections of their own inner state… we think it’s all about us when often it’s not… Mandy, “How many times have I said cruel things—including to my ex-husband—that I may not even remember because I was in a rage blackout?”
Mandy is not sex positive and never integrates f**king a variety of people into her conscious personality. This limits her ability to enjoy it or even do it well and effectively. Guys who have read the free book know that many chicks need time to convert from their typical monogamous script into a non-monogamous script.
A book that is more red pill than red pill guys (it’s also super fun to read apart from what can be learned from it). Guys can learn a lot by listening and parsing what women say… women in certain circumstances and situations… not the ones saying “Just be yourself” “Just be nice,” but the ones who are a little more real.