Unwifeable, a memoir, by Mandy Stadtmiller

Rarely has a title been truer than UNWIFEABLE, a book in which a hot woman tells us boredom = death, a lesson many guys fail to learn… let’s review the evidence, as she f**ks a dull rich guy, gets “halfway through a boring night at dinner,” then begins drinking to make the people around her entertaining. In New York City, “I make new [female] friends who tell me their stories of suffering through boring-ass business guys who get them into Michelin-rated restaurants and how they feel no qualms about taking them for a $300 meal because the guy is getting their company.” Nice guys have been erroneously told that money will make girls like them. Two women “exchange a secret glance within the first few minutes communicating the exact same thing: This guy is the reason women give up on dating entirely. He’s not even a bad guy—at all. He’s just so boring.” A man “launches into the world’s most boring story about his cell phone provider, and as we walk across the gravel, I am counting steps, grateful for the gift of disassociation.” “I find him boring, and I want to make sure he knows that. So as Blaine watches, I begin to flirt with everyone in the immediate vicinity—his friends, the caterers, my coworkers, gay men just trying to get out of my way.” You, Mr. Nice Guy, think of yourself as “stable.” She thinks of you as “boring.”

It’s amazing to me how mean many of these people are… Mandy is mean to any guy who reciprocates her interest in a direct and kind way (they bore her). Guys are mean to her. Is this what normal people’s worlds look like? But she makes me think… how many chicks have I met like Mandy, who say they want to be wives, but don’t act like it at all… and are then surprised when they don’t become wives. It’s like guys who think they want to be players, but don’t hit the gym, don’t go out and socialize, and complain online about chicks. When there is a wide gap between stated desire and actions that might bring one closer to that desire, it is time for therapy to try and understand why that gap exists and what might be done to close it.

All of us broadcast signals. We image match. If the signals we broadcast conflict with what we think we really want, there are problems. Mandy thinks she wants to be a wife, but she chooses to f**k guys who are not interested, not even slightly, in being husbands. Chicks are not stupid, although chicks, like everyone, may not behave optimally. This one seems to have a pattern: reject or ignore outright the guys most interested in her, and chase down the ones doing drugs and sex. I personally am not huge on chicks who are drunk or high, although yes I have been there too. A positive, direct thing I can say about her, however, is that she takes responsibility for her behavior and doesn’t blame guys for having sex with her when she’s drunk. That being responsible for herself counts as a virtue today speaks to today’s media culture.

This book, UNWIFEABLE, is so dark. I wonder how many chicks could write books like it, in which I’d be a bit character (“I look up and see this guy putting on a condom. What’s his name again? But my FWB who gave me the coke is already inside his date so I guess to I have to…”) Not a lot, I hope… not zero, either.

If you want to f**k around a lot, Mandy’s story makes polyamory look pretty good… in theory at least you are supposed to like each other, and care, a little bit, about each other, while also f**king other people. In this book the guys are all predatory and malevolent (the ones who aren’t are “boring”), in Mandy’s view… what is their view? How many of them were f**king her and looking into her eyes clouded by drink or drugs and wanting a family?

In her late 30s, Mandy goes through what Rollo calls the epiphany phase:

I’ve previously described this phase as a parallel to men’s feminine-redefined midlife crisis. This is a precarious time for women, usually the years between 28 and 30, where she makes attempts to reassess the last decade of her life. Women’s psychological rationalization engine (a.k.a. the Hamster) begins a furious effort to account for, and explain to her reasonings for not having successfully secured a long term monogamous commitment from as Alpha a man as her attractiveness could attain for her. . . . The self-affirming psychological schema is one where she’s “finally doing the right thing”, when in fact she’s simply making the necessity of her long term provisioning and security a virtue she hopes men will appreciate.

Rollo’s a little too harsh here, because I think most chicks do fundamentally want love… from a sufficiently high value man. Many of them, however, have dysfunctional ways of going about it (the more dysfunctional the girl, the better she responds to gamey game?), or, like this one, prefers excitement to love. She gets herself better than a lot of people do… “There is a true irony that people who are blogging or podcasting all about the minutiae of their lives are sometimes the loneliest people of all.”

Mandy also chooses an environment that’s high in excitement and low in commitment (New York City) and within that environment, sub-environments that are the same (stand-up comedy). Her book is funny, but mostly sad, and it’s a sad lament for the spinsters and to-be spinsters out there. It is bleak at times… “I am thirty-six years old. I have $279 in my bank account. I have no job prospects. I have no romantic prospects. I have nothing. And it feels like such a relief.”

Mandy’s memoir is red pill in another package,

The main epiphany for me came in realizing that success is not a finite, limited resource, and that I was coming from a mentality of lack versus one of abundance. Understanding this is a huge part of the battle.

Guys have the same problems Mandy does, when we get jealous of the success of others, instead of measuring ourselves and realizing we live in a world of abundance, if we choose to view it that way and access it (most of us don’t, sadly). This chick is going through what a lot of guys do… with the key difference that sex is easily available to her, whenever she wants it, which isn’t true of guys. But people don’t appreciate what is readily available (when were you last truly grateful for clean running water?), so that is kind of invisible, as is the way of chicks.

What people say, particularly the negative things, are often reflections of their own inner state… we think it’s all about us when often it’s not… Mandy, “How many times have I said cruel things—including to my ex-husband—that I may not even remember because I was in a rage blackout?”

Mandy is not sex positive and never integrates f**king a variety of people into her conscious personality. This limits her ability to enjoy it or even do it well and effectively. Guys who have read the free book know that many chicks need time to convert from their typical monogamous script into a non-monogamous script.

A book that is more red pill than red pill guys (it’s also super fun to read apart from what can be learned from it). Guys can learn a lot by listening and parsing what women say… women in certain circumstances and situations… not the ones saying “Just be yourself” “Just be nice,” but the ones who are a little more real.

What to write about in your game/player blog

Guys have asked, “What should I write about in the game blog?” (I said originally that the game blog acts as an ad to collaborators, among other things… check out the link). Write about whatever is going on and whatever you think about it, positive or negative. Most players who develop any skill will have some positive and some negative experiences, and readers respond well to something approximating authenticity. Write to teach yourself (it works) but also write to inspire other guys in their journeys… I retarded my own growth by not writing. Write too for others: over time, search engine traffic to your game blog will go up, leading to a virtuous cycle of men teaching men, and you never know when the right guy will stumble upon you and achieve enlightenment. The horrors of modern feminism happened because millions of women talked to each other about how to extract resources from men and avoid responsibility, and today men are too busy with video games to understand the world we live in. We need to teach other.

So if you did 10 approaches and they all failed, write about that. If you just had your first threesome, write about that. If you aren’t getting the things you want, write about that. If you are getting something you want, write about that. Write about the journey that brings you to where you are today and what you are doing this week to get you where you want to go. Write about the world around you. Few experiences are 100% positive or 100% negative. The guys who write overwhelmingly of one or the other either have skewed lives, or their psychologies are skewed, or there is something else going on.

Frustration and negativity also depend on a lot of things… like, if you’re a male 5 chasing female 7s, you’re going to have a hard time. Judge guys based on where they start and where they get to… if you’re a male 4 and improve yourself to a 5 and snag a 6, that’s victory, IMO. If you’re a male high 7 and are slumming it with 5s, that’s a thing you can do, but it won’t be that interesting to others. A well-known professional actor’s game blog wouldn’t be very intersting either… imagine, “I had to choose among a Victoria’s Secret Model, a starlette, the hottest waitress in LA, and another model, but I had to get up for a shoot in the morning, so I just had a threesome with two 9s.” Not problems most guys can relate to. If you are making some progress but not getting laid, write about that.

If your experience is 100% negative frustration, and you have volume (you don’t live in a small town/city), I don’t know what to say… you might lack any number of things… there are probably game checklists out there. The usual advice about lifting, fixing your diet, developing generic social skills without cold approach pressure… those things all apply.

There’s a saying in game, “Say what you see.” If you can’t think of things to say, talk about whatever you’re seeing and what you think about it. If you can think of any general lessons, talk about them. If you run a/b tests, describe what you find.

I started writing on Reddit, figuring I had a couple of things to say… then it turned out I had more to say… then I realized that many of the readers, voters, and moderators there are… who they are. Not all are fools, I want to add, but enough are fools that it’s impossible to explore the contours of non-monogamy there, and I am also not a fan of being beholden to the capricious. I began writing here, propitiously, a bit before Ms. Slav appeared, and she was an unusual experience: every guy has a thing about “this one girl who is different,” but I will claim that I have enough experience to say she is different.

Write on your own platform, not on Reddit or in a moderated forum, because you are harder to silence on a website than on someone else’s site. Forum quality declines to the level of the persons willing to spend enough time to moderate it. That rule explains much of what one sees. Independence is valuable.

A lot of guys, too, don’t really want to be players and just want to get a pretty and acceptable girlfriend. That’s a fine goal. It probably means the game blog will be truncated, just as many men’s lives are truncated by emotionally and psychologically murderous women. Or by emotionally, physically, and psychologically glorious women, who limit a man’s desire to chase strange. Just practice and tell us what happens. With enough practice you will become good, relative to where you started. I realized that I am the only person writing, who I am aware of, who has approached non-monogamy in the specific way I’ve been doing. Your revelations, which you teach yourself by writing, might also be useful to other guys. I know of at least two other guys who are seriously doing something like I have been doing, and another 10 – 20 who have read the book carefully and are thinking about it. If those other guys write their own stories, we’ll get rolling towards something like a movement. I just checked and about 30 ppl found their way here from search today. 20 – 50 will find their way here tomorrow. How did you find your way into the community? Probably from search, from a random link somewhere… I have links to all these guys, who all do something to shape the world we live in…

* Krauser PUA

* Dalrock

* Days of Game

* Rollo Tomassi / The Rational Male

* Magnum

* Good Looking Loser

* Red Pill Dad blog

* Reddit Red Pill

Don’t write under your real name. Legal names make you more vulnerable to the mob and the surveillance state.

Good blog writers show themselves to be engaged, learning, and practicing their trade. Bad ones reveal themselves as followers and fools. Interacting with chicks a lot generates the best ideas/stories: you see something, you hear something, you report back on it… it’s like trying to be a reporter who goes out and talks to people on the scene versus one who never leaves the office. One person is going to generate a lot of good insights and the other person is not. Bogus players write platitudes about cultivating “inner game” or write about how “not to back down” or give repeated, fifth-hand advice about “body language.” Guys who have something valuable to say write about this one girl they were talking to and how that went.

Interacting with chicks generates the best material.

Bring back knowledge from your journey and share the knowledge. Some of the writers above disagree with each other… some of them I often disagree with… all of them I think advance things a bit. Go advance things.

Rollo Tomassi Rational Male post

More reader questions… a batch ask about Rollo and The Rational Male… I think Rollo is a considerable improvement on the default state of the average guy. An average guy will see his life and knowledge improved if he reads The Rational Male book. Like in the one about “levels” of game/development, my view depends on where the guy is and what he needs… Rollo is above the median, so that’s good for a basic guy.

But.. you knew a “but” was coming… most of The Rational Male is more culture war than I’m interested in. I’m glad someone wants to prosecute culture war on the behalf of embattled men… though I personally want to do other things… I don’t spend time with angry feminists and I’m a bit more interested in guys talking about the real mechanics of real-world dating (and sex of course). About the practice and about specifics of how to make it work. That is what I encourage guys to blog about. I want to live more immediately. Yes, feminism is bad… yes, feminism has infiltrated some workplaces and many HR departments… in my everyday life it is never as bad as it’s depicted on the Internet, and I want to write about what I see in my life.

So Rollo is most into culture and culture war and hypergamy. I am most interested in game and f**king. Rollo wants to raise the level of the average guy, I think… I want to talk to guys who have game or want to develop game, the guys who want to get to the top. If you’re interested in getting laid a lot and understanding individual female psychology, I’m really talking to you. If you’re aiming to talk about large scale social forces… I am less into that. Obviously there’s some overlap between the two groups but the focus is different.

It’s pretty rare for me to link to Rollo because his material is fine but it’s rarely on the topics most vital to me. There’s a sidebar link to him because, like I said, I think his book is useful for some guys, and it covers material I don’t. I don’t agree with everything in it but that’s fine too… it’s better than the male average and that’s good enough for me. If you know an average guy, it is good to slip him a copy of The Rational Male book, particularly if he’s going through a tough breakup or divorce and is ready to understand reality. I can see giving the right guy the book.

Nash’s statement on Rollo… he’s more anti-Rollo than I am. If you want the anti-Rollo statement, read it.

I don’t think Rollo’s work describes “top guy” worlds or will help guys get to the top, though they will help average guys who are totally asleep or misled. For guys with game fundamentals, who want to reach the next levels, he’s not optimal. So is he “good” or “bad?” Depends on the guy and his needs. It’s nice that someone is attacking the bad feminist culture… I just don’t want to be that guy myself. It’s also not good to get stuck in that world… it’s better to get into a world where a guy is getting laid, building skills, etc.

A lot of the Internet consists of people announcing that something is 100% s**t, and something else is 100% genius… I don’t really do that binary thinking… there can be things with some positive aspects, some with neutral aspects, and some with negative aspects… including me… I wouldn’t expect anyone to agree with 100% of what I say… if someone did, that would be odd.

I have some theory and philosophy posts… but most of what I write germinates from some experience or other. Something happens, I talk to someone, I do something, then I write about it. That is, I believe, where the best material originates.

Festivals, parties, etc. and the network’s power

Festivals, concerts, the parties that go with them… I read almost no guys writing about them online. So… let’s talk about what happens, within my limitations, because I don’t have a lot of experience with music festivals and concerts, since they don’t match my personality properly… but I know people who do these things and can infer their power. I think the guys who get laid the most, with the hottest chicks, develop a network or ecosystem of people… the people who go usually have friends or make friends, and I think a lot of them have access to drugs that make them more open to meeting people (including chicks) and to offer access, just by starting with basics like, “What have you seen tonight?” “Are you girls rolling or what?”

Also, exposure is one way to get chicks. If you see a chick at two or three different venues, a logical open is, “Did you see at [place]? I think so.” Even a little bit of familiarity can pry open a closed chick. I have seen guys at parties just go by and say “Hey, what’s up?” to almost everyone they see at a party… then next time they’re like, “Hey did I see you at [venue]?” They’re planting lots of seed. At festivals with thousands of people this works less well but even among festival people I think the same faces will show up again and again.

Most importantly, many girls are in a flirtatious and open frame of mind… outside of their “everyday” mode. Party drugs (ecstasy, molly) can make people open to doing things they might not do otherwise. Some chicks like coke. That seems like less a sex/love drug and more of a… I don’t know what to call it.

The best people seem to have good logistics and things like afterparties planned and ready to go. The guys who do really well here seem to have broad, shallow networks. They meet lots of people (men and women), collect lots of numbers, and then keep in contact with people and facilitate connections. Many guys will have lists of girls and ask “Are you going to yyy venue/party this weekend?” Sometimes the hookup happens there, sometimes on a date after, etc. Lots of girls fall away… but the power of the network is high. Because it’s about the network and a momentum strategy, most guys aren’t going to show up and get laid… they are going to need to learn the world and the world’s rules, and meet some of the people in it. The winners building winning systems.

Drugs… are dangerous. They can be addictive. It is fine to like them but awful to need them. The other problem with drugs, apart from addiction, is that they destroy a lot of time. Many people after molly/ecstasy need like 48 hours or longer to recover. Alcohol is like this too of course. But if you come to rely on these things or do them too much, they will compromise your other goals in terms of fitness, finance, career, etc. I have seen men and women turning 30, 35, whatever, and realizing that their life consists of a series of parties and drug experiences and sex experiences, but… there is not much to show for it.

Most lives need balance. If you are compromising your other goals… you will suffer for it… the quality of your life, family, career, and development will suffer for it. Drugs can be an aid to reaching other people but they can also be very destructive. It’s also easy to get into dangerous credit card debt and have your financial life fall apart.

One thing… I have been at the outskirts of these worlds sometimes… and I can see their power but also their selection bias. The chicks in them are selected for being sex-positive s**ts. So other girls… may become unavailable to you or just less interesting. But some of them… are also good.

Sometimes in real life I’m really attracted to chicks I wouldn’t find appealing online. And that’s true of chicks too. Real life has seduction/feedback/eye contact mechanisms lacking online. We’ve spent our whole evolutionary history evaluating each other in the real world, and like 20 years evaluating each other online… then we are surprised when problems emerge from online.

Guys writing pickup material were almost all social ret**ds for most or all of their lives (a lot still are). They are introverts trying to work with their introversion. Their loner nature limits their social networks. So the things normal guys do for girlfriends and sex, don’t apply to most of the pickup guys. Because of their personalities, they’re blind or semi blind to some types of ecosystems.

These guys doing festivals etc. also have compelling pics, often with pretty girls, and use those to judiciously seed social media accounts. The average guy who spends his days playing video games, watching porn, etc., doesn’t have any of that visual social proof. He literally doesn’t spend enough time with women to understand them properly. His weaknesses are a kind of reverse Matthew Effect. As he gets weaker, he gets weaker, instead of stronger.

Also… if you meet real women… most of them are not like the resentniks online say they are. Yes, there are some bad ones. Yes, many of them will take free value if it’s offered to them (as many guys do). Most of them… are struggling. In ways different from the ways a lot of guys suffer, but not that different. Talk to them enough and you will see their struggle.

There are many good things about pickup seduction and red pill guys. There are also some blindspots, like with any movement/ideology. I want to talk about their positives but I also want to surface some of the blindspots. The world is huge and any person’s place in it tiny. We all mistake our realities for reality.

I’m not 100% sure how to get a guy totally outside the festival/concert/etc. scenes, into them. Just start going? Ask your friends (you have some of them, right?) to go? On this blog I often talk about how to get antisocial loser newbies going (example), but this is one area where I’m not sure how to do that.

One thing to ask is what value you’re bringing. Are you ripped? Do you set up photobooths? Do you have drug connections? Do you make connections among different people? Do you have an afterparty set up and ready to go? Guys should ask these questions and have good answers for them. Chicks bring value just by showing up and being hot. Guys… should try to answer this question. Just being there is okay but I think the better guys go past this.

In-person meetings are just more powerful and immediate than online meetings… online used to work… now everyone is online and it doesn’t. A common theme of my writing is that guys with good sex lives have good social lives. Usually that means minimizing the modern online bullshit of video games, TV, and social media. Top guys develop skills and abilities and social lives that are consistent with getting laid. This is why so much of the seduction conversation is hard… it’s almost never one single thing that gets guys laid… it’s a bunch of things. I have been trying to explain the things I do and I have realized that it’s not one thing, it’s a bundle of things.

Exceptional effort (that is effective) = exceptional results.

Like everything else in life.

Some recent experiences have me thinking about this (I hadn’t been able to capture this facet orf what I do until those experiences). And just observing the world around me. Almost no guy I know seems to have gotten the best sex life just via online. Maybe the ones who are super attractive and don’t need it that much.

Even within game… the best conversations are happening outside public spaces. I didn’t understand that when I started writing this blog, the best insights wouldn’t be posted publicly, they’d come from chats, emails, etc. If you are only living on the public side of the game world, you’re missing out.

The three-date “rule” before sex

Players (and, more often, wannabes) talk about the three-date “rule” before sex… guys will say, “If you don’t have sex by the end of date three, drop her.” But this rule is too strict: instead of mindlessly following it, analyze the mindset and experience this “rule” comes from… guys who are used to being taken advantage of, and from guys who are probably taking girls on expensive, elaborate dates (like dinner). Those guys worry that the girl is just tooling them for money and attention. If you’ve presented yourself as a provider guy and are spending $50+ per date… the girl might show up just to get free meals… like a squirrel in the back yard will keep showing up to eat birdseed, instead of going through the arduous process of hunting acorns. Smart, functional girls know that nothing valuable is truly “free,” but they might like the attention and have nothing else going on, so they’re happy to absorb some male attention, even if it’s shitty, low-quality attention. Too many guys have also heard and internalized stories about fast pulls of hot girls and then think every girl can/should be pulled and f**ked fast… my own stories like this one advance the “girls will f**k fast” narrative.

“Must get to fast sex” is the wrong mindset and narrative for most guys… Krauser’s memoirs, for example, are full of stories about five or more dates before sex… some hot girls need time. Instead of chasing speed, apply some simple tests to the girl and the dates,

1. Is progress being made?
2. Do you enjoy spending time with the girl?
3. Does she seem to be tooling you for value or attention? Some girls are intensely pleasurable to be around, and some girls are a chore whose presence might be okay if that’s the road to sex but otherwise have little going for them.
4. Does the girl herself seem high quality and to justify the investment? For me, a hot and wonderful girl is worth more investment than some marginal girl. I’ve been known to rumble a marginal 6 who is available, though I wouldn’t invest a lot of time and energy in her.

Experience will help you feel out each situation. Mr. V wrote,

 “+1. Was able to get past LMR this time! Prob worth a lay report to dive deeper/lessons.

Now, imagine a girl breaks up with you, then you fly 8 hours to see her, and the very next day she fucks some other dude…

Last night I was that other dude”

Good work Mr. V. Another guy predictably wrote, “Hats off to your patience, I would have given up after 3rd date.” Mr. V replied with the text I mentioned, about progress and pleasurable company.

Mystery’s 7 hour rule is an average… some girls can be had in less time, some girls need more. “Progress” will mean different things with each girl, but I’d count something like kissing, making out, touching her body, her touching yours, feeling her responsiveness, etc., as progress. If she’s ice cold on the first date and ice cold on the third, roll off and let her go.

If she’s running hot and then cooler and then hot again, maybe she’s deciding between guys, or has something else going on. Some girls will also be ready to f**k but then get their periods, or get colds, or have something else that gets in the way and interrupts momentum, but, if the guy is patient, it will happen. If the guy throws a fit because she’s not willing to f**k on his schedule, she’s learned something useful and negative about him.

Clearly each guy should do what he wants to do. But some hot and wonderful girls take longer than others… they have not been my main study, but they can be good. Patience can be good, and some girls have taken a long time and many dates to crack, and I don’t regret putting that effort in. I also don’t buy into the idea that the longer a guy has to wait, the better the girl is. Some quality girls are horny and want it now, some need to know the guy better and spend more time with him. How fast she goes is not a perfect indicator of how much she likes you. Some girls who are so-so about a guy in the beginning will warm up to him over time.

The quality of girl will also vary with how much energy you put into dating her. I might go for a lower-quality girl who is convenient and available… but I wouldn’t put a lot of effort into chasing her… this seems pretty obvious to me.

Some guys have way too many chicks in the air, which is a great and wonderful high-quality problem… not many guys have this problem. Most guys are getting past the girl’s filter, not trying to filter out girls. If you’re a guy with this problem, and you want to focus only on the “yes” girls who move fast to sex, that’s a choice. It’s a choice that may make sense for a high-status guy with this unusual problem, but it makes less sense for most guys. I’ve been in this situation, which is wonderful, and I have used sex clubs and consensual non-monogamy as filters.

When I don’t have enough time, mental space, and attention for more girls in my life, I’m much more likely to talk about sex clubs and consensual non-monogamy with girls and see which girls are super interested. This strategy sets me apart from other guys, to offer some understatement. It’s not an optimal strategy, but it is a filtering strategy to see which girls are more into me, than they would be to a similar, average guy.

Before a guy spouts off about three-date rules, he should be asking himself where he’s at, where the guy he’s giving advice to is at, and whether he’s talking from his ego, or from his true goals. A lot of guys spout off about fast sex and a low number of dates because they want to show off to other guys and try to look macho, but, if they implement such rules in their real lives, they’ll lose girls. I want to get laid, not feed my ego through posturing. Life is short and girls need to be f**ked.

The game’s endgame and picking up a girl at a private party

Got an invite to a huge private sex party… remember how I wrote, “game can be thought of a little bit like chess in that for good players the first 5 – 10 moves are memorized calls and responses and gamed out… the interesting stuff happens midgame”? This is an endgame story, making it less valuable than mid-game stories, where the real action lies, but, since I already wrote most of the story for a private group, I figured I’d tell the rest…

At the party, I ran into some friends, but then almost immediately talked to a gorgeous, short girl who used to be a high-end escort and probably had income that put her well into the 99%… she’s a true 9, though not a great conversationalist, or she was on drugs, or both… some other things about her stood out but are too private to share… asked for kiss when she left, and she said “maybe later.” In normal dating asking for the kiss is a bad move, but in this environment it’s the way to go.

Did an MFM with a couple I know… read Yoylo for an MFM example story… I have also laid out a threesome blueprint… this threesome happened because I’ve known them both for years… she is a solid 7, he is probably a male high 7 / low 8… he finds it hard to find the right women, and they are put together well. He’s had some of mine before, so it’s all good: I have spoken many times about reciprocity and balanced equation, and our equations are well-balanced. If there is a “game” story in this threesome, it is buried in the years prior… we are all casual friends who spent some time catching up, then had a casual threeway, and it was fun. Very intense one, too. Whatever “game” was involved happened long ago, but the threesome was hot, intense, and distinguished by the lack of jealousy or ego, and the dissolving of the mind in the pleasures of sex. Plus, we put on a bit of a show, which I like doing. Good non-monogamy can be a means of building wealth slowly, and it’s possible to discover that, over time, you are extremely rich. Extremely sexually rich, which many guys want to be but few guys are. 

Much later, I was about to leave and crash, but I saw this girl and had to say hi to her… she was receptive, so I got to chatting with this chick and she had great vibes, nice but not astonishing face, and just the best body. 25 or so… we chatted for a while and she noticed my paddle, which was hanging off a belt loop… remember the idea of “peacocking?” Having a paddle and restraint cuffs hanging around is the right kind of peacocking for the sex-party environment I was in.

This girl asked if I would spank her… of course, baby, I’d hate to deny a lady, and love to get my hands on her supple, tight ass… usually it’s the man’s responsibility to advance the experience and lead the girl, but, I later learned, she’d been waiting around all night in this sexually-charged environment without getting hit on. The two of us found our way to a more private back area, away from the crowds, and she was so cute (great, top level super feminine energy) and responsive. Some spanking/paddling, light choking/hair pulling… things moved fast and she was broadcasting horniness… so I kept going forward, checking in with her at appropriate places… and wow. I didn’t think I could rise to the occasion but did it (sometimes verbalizing “I’m not sure I can have sex again” helps me relax into it, while I go down on her and see if her moans can energize me to the point of capability), and sex with her was amazing… amazingly fun. Great and fast connection. Some girls also know how to get out of their own way in order to have great sex, and she’s one of those girls. 

Time between “Hi” and f**king was… 20 minutes? 30 minutes? I don’t know. It was almost too fast, even for me… she’d been marinating in the sexy environment and socializing for a long time and yet hadn’t been approached, or properly approached (later I found out too that she knew a guy there, a friend of friend, who had been chasing her, but she wasn’t into him).

Or, right girl, right time? I want to give her an 8 due to her body just being packed in all the right ways and feeling fantastic but probably a high 7. Everything about her felt and seemed right. Instant chemistry is rare. She seemed almost grateful to have me inside her, which is a huge turn-on. She expresses pleasure well and without inhibition. Hope she comes out… we talked about that, but she might be an “in the moment” girl who disappears later. I hope not.

Like I said, it happened almost too fast… I wanted more time to play with her body, to get to know her, but her sex temperature was so high that I felt I couldn’t not. We talked about some logistical things… “feminine energy” isn’t discussed as much as it should be. Hers was off the charts, for me. She was like crack. Other girls should take lessons in feminine energy and sounds from her. F**king her was great. She reminded me of Short Dancer, and it has been years since I have felt that way.

Did not see the former sex worker 9 again. I’d flirted with a few other girls, but I was so pleased to be with this one.

I’m also a r^t@rd in some ways… my stated overall life goals are different than the behavior I engaged in last night, so there’s that. I was pursuing pussy when in fact I should be trying to get my life sorted out. 

I wasn’t going to write this story at first, cause I don’t think there’s anything new to learn from it… but then I realized that that is the lesson: I’ve been building ecosystem/connections for many years, and staying in pretty good shape, and it came together, slowly and then very quickly. Years of effort led to a great sex experience. Did it happen in 20 minutes, or 10 years, or both?  Maybe I could point out that even sl*ts often want to know the guy/guys they’re sleeping with… more often than not they do… the first woman, the one I had the threesome with, came around not because I was a random but because I wasn’t.

Overall, I think I’ve contributed more value to the community than I’ve taken, and that was reflected in the private sex party. It was reflected in the invite itself, which few guys can access (we have to prove ourselves first, and I was very well-proven). A guy with reputation counts. The quality of my own connections was reflected in the people I knew there. It was reflected in the fact that I knew how to be once I was there, and knew where to flirt and where not to. Where to push forward and where to hang back.

The interesting things happen in the midgame… but this was the end game… the value had already been built. The reputation was in place. The beautiful 8 hadn’t been approached, or properly approached, and she was ready, so I went for it, although she did as much to show me that she was ready for sex as I did to take her… I was wandering through the orchard and spotted what might be a ripe fruit… I climbed up, checked it out… turned out to be ripe… and it was good. I had the skills she wanted, and she… well, she had what I wanted. The fruits of the network.

Tried not to drink too much and succeeded… I have a bad habit of, if the drink is in front of me, drinking it… exhausted the next day, however… I feel a little too old for this shit in some ways, to be honest. I still feel kinda off track… my forebrain and hindbrain continue to disagree… am I turning into a chick or something? Hope not.

This FR is late game…. it’s about the building of value and discovery and connections over many years. Very few guys can just walk into something like this… you have to know the players involved. The mid-game for this kind of thing can be read in detail here… if your version of the book is more than six months old, get the latest, because I’ve been updating it in response to other guys’s questions and observations. Thanks to other guys who have sent me their learning and their field reports: you have made the book better and stronger than it would have been.

FRs that deal only with the first couple interactions with a woman often aren’t interesting because they’re pretty well gamed out. FRs that cover end game, like this one, often aren’t interesting because there’s not a lot of value building or practice taking place… the value building took place in the past. I’d learned to be in the right place at the right time with the right attitudes and that was rewarded. This is a study about reaping wheat, not about growing it (much harder to grow than to reap, or to eat the food made from the wheat). I was surprised by the girl at the end and the speed with which it happened. But the conditions for that had been created over many years. I’ve had this happen before… but this girl was just f**kin hot, and she’s relatively to new to the scene/community. In some ways I got lucky, but you know how the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get? It’s like that.

Magnum has a different FMF report too.

If you like threesome stories, go read BradP.

Guys building a big non-monogamy ecosystem

A player I know has discovered a coven of group sex and open relationship people near him. Some of the players are quite wealthy and have oriented their lives around this activity, buying yachts and getting hotel rooms and pimping out their living spaces to make it all happen (the yacht thing isn’t necessary, but I guess it’s a nice touch if you have the cash… I don’t, and I don’t really move in those circles… though I know they exist… so don’t get caught up in that side alley, whining about income). The player almost can’t believe this thing exists, but I can believe it because I have seen versions of it. Non-monogamy and sex clubs become an ecosystem. It’s possible to rack up incredible numbers through this, if it is a guy’s goal to do so.

Let me try to explain the dynamics, from my interactions and observations… I have been at the periphery of this kind of thing, and sometimes the center, but have not been interested in going all the way, into making this the sole and entire focus of my non-work life. A lot of the guys at the top, doing penthouses and boats, are quite a bit older and as a result are not with the chicks who most interest me, but that is not universally true. These guys (and some women)….

* Go to clubs/events most weekends, or on vacations. There’s an international circuit of people doing this.

* Network with the people they meet. It’s not that much different than business networking except it’s more emotional and obviously instead of business relationships you are probing, establishing, and maintaining sex relationships. The social aspect of this is important and easy to do poorly. Outsiders think you just show up, bang/mate, then separate, like lizards or something. Not really, not if you’re doing it well, and outside of pornography sex has emotional or psychological components (most of the time). If there’s no emotional component for you, consider getting tested for psychopathy.

* For guys who want younger/hotter chicks, the trick is finding them. They do show up… they are just uncommon and in demand, obviously. Guys can maintain decent sexual value into their 40s and even early 50s, if they want. For most women, SMV begins to drop seriously at 30, and almost all by 35. Supply-demand is real.

* When you have more girls than you can handle (it happens) and are friends with more couples than you can handle, you begin doing parties as the logical next step for maintaining those connections and putting quality people together. Many activities have “levels,” with the advanced levels being occluded from novices and even intermediates. For parties, a guy might know six, eight, ten, twelve interested people, sometimes more, invite them over… and suddenly he’s  the host and he has the status that comes with being the organizer. Leaders have status… it’s polite to thank the host, and the hosts of sex parties can get thanked in interesting ways. The host need above-average emotional intelligence, which is lacked by most many guys.

* If you have the money and space to host great parties people will like you better. Chicks are super sensitive to environment and emotional cues, while most guys will happily f**k hot chicks in any available conditions: Dirty sheets, plates in the sink, whatever, guys will happily f**k a hot chick who will bend over there. Chicks are much more attuned to lighting, cleanliness, mood, etc. So if you can just buy the booze and weed, set up the mirrors / beds, get superior lighting (Philips Hue, don’t cheap out here if you can avoid it), etc., then people will be more likely to want to attend your things. So hosting can be the next step, for guys who are established in the community and have a female partner who is aligned with the guy.

* Really rich guys will buy boats, penthouse apts, penthouse hotel rooms, etc. It’s not necessary (you don’t need to be wealthy to do this), but these guys are out there. Usually they have worse game and need other guys to seduce the chicks.

You don’t need to be wealthy, but renting space, arranging things, etc., can cost money. So I don’t want to imply that it’s easy for poor guys to do this. Overall, most guys aren’t determined to maximize the amount of sex they have, and you can tell as much from their behavior. Most people can’t connect what they say with what they do… the successes in this world almost always can (or have lucky genetics).

The chicks who have these fantasies and desire these things will like guys who can activate their fantasies and execute them in a safe and controlled environment. Most chicks also need aftercare, etc. They want to bond, not just be sex toys who are going to be discarded after the event. Many guys wrongly neglect aftercare, cuddling, etc. Guys need to do a LOT of things right, here, if they are to get in and stay in. Listen to chicks and you will learn that many guys do basic things wrong. Aftercare is one example I’m thinking about right now. Read through Red Quest and you will come across many others.

Some other things about this big ecosystem…

* Chicks vary in their propensity to engage…. some are super scared, some are pretty eager. Find the eager ones and reassure the scared ones. Obviously a lot of chicks have group sex fantasies, are curious about how other people f**k, etc., but will not explore those without guys to guide them. Be that guy and find other guys who are non-judgmental and encouraging. Some girls can be converted over time.

* If you fully enter and connect to this world you might be astonished by the fact that it is larger than you know, though most people are smart enough not to advertise they’re into it, since the social judgment is too intense. Smart chicks know that their sexual reputation is linked to their ability to marry high-income men, so they don’t want to be known, in most cases, as a girl who does these things, because that will impact their ability to marry and have children, when they want those things. You’ll also find business connections in the places you might not expect to find them. Things that start about business often end up being about sex… and things that start about sex often end up being about other things, like business. People are made to network with others who share common interests. God can be a common interest in churches… sex can be a common interest… and people who form sex communities often trust each other and therefore want to do business together too.

* The people in this world are pretty discriminating, especially when it comes to guys. Many more guys want to get in it than chicks, but most guys are not competent enough. Even guys who think they want to get in, typically can’t handle it. Getting into this world requires people in both sexes who can handle it. Lots of people (guys included) form quick emotional attachments to their sex partners and then want to monopolize those partners… even if they fantasize about this world, it doesn’t work. People who are doing events will monitor newcomers for negative and positive traits and guys (or chicks) who can’t handle it will not be invited into the higher tiers of things. Sufficiently badly behaved people will be booted, although this is rare. Sex clubs are much smaller world than conventional bars, and word about badly behaved people will get around fast, leading to doors that swing shut.

In life you are always being judged and always proving yourself.

Real question is…… eventually……. how do you want to live your life?

Most people who learn about this world discover they do not want to spend their lives immersed in it. Just like most guys seem to have about four to five good years in the game… but the people who do keep it up can have experiences few others do.

This no doubt sounds like a lot of work, but… a lot of work compared to what? I know people, even employed people, who spend 20+ hours per week on video games and Instagram, etc. Is this a worse hobby?

Think about the things people you know do when they’re not working… is this better? Worse? Would you rather be f**king or leveling up your level 29 wizard? Would you rather be getting beers with “friends” from the office or f**king a hot chick?

These things are not very compatible with very young child family life, and a lot of people with kids are too tired to pursue them. As the kids get older it becomes more possible to pursue them but most people in western countries let themselves go, get fat, and get outcomes consistent with their weight, fatness, lifestyle, and sugar intake.

A lot of guys with high numbers also don’t have consistently high quality, so there’s that.

Some guys spend a lot of time building up their non-monogamy ecosystem and once the machine starts, it purrs along. I’m trying to help guys get started and to understand the underlying principles at work. I think the book does that well, but most guys reject the knowledge and the power.

I don’t tell other guys what to do. Personality traits and dating

I don’t tell other guys what to do, unless they ask (or unless, in a business setting, I’m paying them)… even if they do ask, I aim to set up the problem space and the principles involved, then let them decide for themselves. There’s some divergence between me and other other guys on topics (example), and that’s fine…. read me, read them, decide for yourself. The basic principles of game and seduction are well established and if you want to ignore them, do it. I’m writing about my experiences and observations… maybe they’ll work for you… maybe not… I have said to guys privately, “Assume everything I write is bullshit and try it out for yourself.” What I do isn’t for everyone… we all have different preferences, life experiences, big five personality traits, etc. What is right for me may not be right for you, or for other guys. I’m just talking about what I’ve found… and how I’ve organized it and what some of the underlying principles are, or seem to be. I also don’t have the energy for online combat… it’s largely pointless… if other guys want to do other things, good, go do them… that is fine. Experience teaches best.

I will argue that most guys don’t understand what is possible, for the right guy, and most guys don’t know s**t about women. The stories are about what’s possible. We’re social learners and I don’t think most guys get how deep the rabbit hole goes.

In terms of five-factor personality, I am pretty open to experience, as regular readers will understand. My conscientious is strongly bifurcated… I am super conscientious in many respects, but also very easy going and careless in others… this could be unusual. I’m not sure. Extraversion is similar… I need to time to recharge from social experiences but I am also capable of managing social experiences, like all players must be. I can be agreeable in some ways, especially in social circumstances, but I have also read How To Win Friends and Influence People, and head-on disagreement rarely solves or improves anything. To change a person’s view, come at the views via indirect angles that slowly change foundations over time. Direct disagreeability is usually counterproductive. Status/coolness first, THEN evangelize for whatever the thing is. I’m low neuroticism… no surprise there… many women are highly neurotic, and I calm them down well.

“The cat years”

Another super sad spinster story. “The cat years” is depressing… looking at the dark side of life is important… for women, not having a family sets them up for a life that is composed more of misery and missed opportunities than for joy… yet younger women are systematically misled. I have some compassion and pity for spinsters… they messed up and they are an example to other women of what not to do.

Write your player blog. It’s an advertisement, but not in the way you think.

The best and most actionable advice and guidance for guys looking to build their game and become players is private… it’s happening in group chats, emails, etc. It’s not happening in public, where some advice is good, some is bad, and a lot is too general, happening at the wrong “level” of abstraction. The public sphere has a lot of good and useful information in it, particularly for the newest guys who are learning the basics, but each guy has specific challenges, sticking points, etc., and those guys need targeted aid. In addition, each guy has different internal psychological challenges, and those internal challenges are very hard to self-diagnose… if they were easy, we’d not have the entire field of psychology. Almost all of us want to protect our own egos and so turn away from difficult truths… me included. To be the best, however, we need to get feedback on our challenges and to ultimately confront them. Improvement comes from doing what’s uncomfortable. Small group dynamics can’t be replicated by individuals or by large groups.

Write your player blog. It’s an advertisement, but not in the way you think. To get into the deeper levels, you need to show that you’re not an idiot (many guys are idiots or have other underlying issues) and that you’re willing to put in the effort necessary to make progress. Write your player blog and reach out to the guys who don’t seem to be idiots. That’s where the better ideas, peer-to-peer coaching, encouragement, etc. happen. You likely won’t get into the substantive and specific conversations without some demonstration that you’re not an idiot first. The blog is that demonstration. It’s hard for a lunatic to write a sustained story of his actions and progress so far. I’ve read blogs by guys who appear to be nuts and I appreciate those blogs… because they warn me to avoid the guy. I try to be understanding and accepting of individual quirks and proclivities, but I also want to identify the nuts so I can be somewhere they are not.

The blog need not be “unique,” a concern some guys appear to have… write about what you’re doing, what’s happening to you, what you notice with chicks, etc. Even a blog about blowouts is more interesting than what most guys do (nothing, or repeating platitudes, or writing vaguely about why this one special girl isn’t into them, etc.). Most guys don’t get the feedback they need to improve. Don’t overthink the blog, start it with whatever you’ve got. For most, starting is the hard part.

This is a kind of “do as I say, not as I do” moment of advice. I have spent most of my time as a player struggling to learn things on my own instead of accelerating my learning by tapping into the advice/guidance of others. It has worked out okay for me, but I could have done better and probably should have. I also didn’t realize that the material that rises to the level of blogs, or twitter, is only a small amount of that which remains in private chats.

I’m going to be a bit arrogant and say that I am better at this than most guys, yet I am still amazed at the s**t other guys come up with. There are many guys much better at this than I am, too. Some of them are writing publicly… I include many of their blogs in the links panel… and I bet almost all of them will have more specific and detailed advice in private than they do in public. But they, like me, don’t want to waste time on wankers. Most of the guys I have been speaking to in private, I have also been reading in public for months or years.

Consider this story… in college when that happened, I was operating by instinct and didn’t really know what I was doing… I think that is one reason I encourage guys to write online… most guys have no idea what we’re doing… game gives us a framework. To take my work specifically, with sex clubs, almost no one is writing about this topic. Non-mono more generally is covered by a handful of people, including me, and now from Yoylo and Magnum at times… and that’s it… it’s invisible to most players, and misunderstood by others. The guys who stumble into it, are doing it by accident (I have some examples of this but they have been sent to me in private… I don’t disclose private information). We need to turn game from lore into a proper program, a proper course of study. I’ve attempted to make “players doing sex clubs” into a proper program.

THE GAME and MYSTERY METHOD turned seduction from lore into a proper program… and they are still valuable… I am seeking to do the same… I would not have been able to do this without starting the blog… now I hope that others will take up the ideas and extend/apply it. It can be done. The lows are low… but the highs are high.

Good blog writers show themselves to be engaging, learning, and practicing their trade… bad ones reveal themselves as followers and fools. Interacting with chicks a lot generates the best ideas/stories: you see something, you hear something, you report back on it… it’s like trying to be a reporter who goes out and talks to people on the scene versus one who never leaves the office. One person is going to generate a lot of good insights and the other person is not. Bogus players write platitudes about cultivating “inner game” or write about how “not to back down” or give repeated, fifth-hand advice about “body language.” Guys who have something valuable to say write about this one girl they were talking to and how that went, and why they think it worked or didn’t work. I became friends with Red Pill Dad because of his blog, whereas his Twitter feed was too scattered to judge him. I think he judges me on this blog, like he should.

Interacting with chicks generates the best material.

Blog for yourself… but blog for other people… it’s worth doing even if no one reads it. At first, you’ll get almost no traffic and no readers. Over time, readers will emerge and find you organically through search. That is how we build awareness and a movement, and this is how we have a conversation that can’t happen any other way. Reddit has effectively banned this conversation. No one wants to have it on Facebook, under real names, because it’s so dangerous and so contrary to the social order. Feminists have taken over the public discourse about sex, sex roles, dating, etc., by having independent conversations, one whacked-out lunatic at a time. We don’t want to be like whacked-out feminist lunatics, but we do want to inject some reality into the world. I have heard from guys who stumbled onto Red Quest… then used the links in the side bar to see what others are saying/writing/thinking… and it’s changed their lives. You can change someone’s life. This only really happens in blogs. Twitter is almost invisible to search, and it’s very now: what you say on Twitter no longer matters, three days after you say it. Reddit’s Red Pill is now “quarantined” and thus has been de-indexed by search engines. It’s up to all of us, as individuals, to carry the story forward. I’m helping to make this conversation happen, but I’m one man: for it to happen, you need to speak up too. If not you, who?

Overall, “Most guys don’t care much about getting laid, I hypothesize,” and that’s a key reason many guys aren’t telling their story.