I read Tom Torero’s book Daygame and in it he talks about his early wing, Anthony, who eventually leaves the game for whatever reason… probably a chick. Or burnout. But Anthony is back in this podcast. Listen to the whole thing.
Anthony is talking about burnout when he says, “If you overdo it [game], it can take you down.” I know that feeling. More often now I feel the void after sex. It’s more like looking into the abyss. I remember, in my 20s, reading about that sort of feeling and thinking, “What a load of shit. Dumbasses.” Now, here I am feeling the thing that I used to make fun of.
Anthony sounds like an interesting guy. He got a PhD, probably in finance. When I was young I also considered pursuing an academic path, as Antony actually did. I’m very happy I didn’t, especially given the miserable state of modern universities, but it’s notable how most guys writing game blogs have some academic or systematizing parts of their personalities. I’m guessing that players without those personality traits never write what they’re doing.
(I like player blogs: leave suggestions for new ones in the comments.)
Despite my feelings about the void, I don’t know what the alternative is. I’ve done some bleating about how I’m less excited about rogering chicks than I used to be. That bleating is true. But, at the same time… what else would I do? That is not a facetious or rhetorical question. I literally cannot think of anything more fun or meaningful than being in the game, however tenuously. Or anything I can reasonably do. It would be interesting to, for example, quit everything and go back to school to study aerospace engineering and try to become an engineer for SpaceX, but that is a very, very long jump from where I am now. I’m reluctant to throw away so many years of effort.
There is a part of me that wants to do just that, a part of me that feels like I’ve exhausted the major parts of game and my current work. I’m positioned well financially, but not so well that I can quit working forever. I’ve taken care to minimize expenses (that, plus an unwillingness to play Keeping Up With The Other Suburban Mommies, helped kill the relationship with my co-parent), but not to the extent that I’m totally financially independent. Could be there in five to ten years. At which point it will be too late to re-tool in a serious way.
Every day, at least five days a week, it is a good idea to get up and make a short list of things you want to accomplish that day. Every month or so, it is a good idea to write a list of things you want to accomplish that month. Every couple of months, things you want to accomplish that year. Do all that and stick to it and you will likely achieve what you want to achieve. Not everything (there will be slippage), but you will avoid pissing away a lot of days. This is true of work and of personal projects. Any individual day is insignificant, but the days add up. I did not invent this strategy and don’t recall where I first heard about it, but many companies and individuals use it, or variants of it.
Despite the preceding paragraphs, I feel like there is some new phase of my life coming up (writing this blog, now, instead of writing it five or ten years ago, when I had far more material, may be part of the change) and I don’t know what that change is. For most guys my age, that would likely be family, but, again, I’ve already been there and am not eager to do round #2. Though it is conceivable I will, somehow, at some point, likely under a more co-parenting arrangement than a traditional marriage or marriage-like arrangement.
Also… realistically… banging really hot chicks is amazing in the moment. Really, really amazing. The total pinnacle of existence, even when I feel empty after. When it’s really good, it’s a kind of peak experience. So there is that facet of life, and it’s one that I feel like a lot of other people miss. Or they sacrifice it for the sake of their families. Which is fine, and I respect that, but… damn. In the moment, man.
Some of Torero’s podcasts are too basic for my tastes, but this one I listened through. The notion of sparking, or creating an emotional moment in a chick’s otherwise dreary life, is also good.
I do wish Torero would go more into his own inner darkness. Maybe he has and I missed that. I have read most of Krauser’s books, and they seem to present a more complex view of Torero (that’s one way to put it) than the one I perceive in the podcast. Many people who get far outside the mainstream and into game have some inner demons propelling them forward, away from conventional society. I like the players who will go into the dark. When I’m with a girl I try to get into the darkness in her soul too. Most girls like it when a guy will do that in a non-judgmental way. Sometimes I do find that a girl is too messed up for me, but it is actually better to discover that sooner rather than later.