Podcast with Tom Torero and Anthony

I read Tom Torero’s book Daygame and in it he talks about his early wing, Anthony, who eventually leaves the game for whatever reason… probably a chick. Or burnout. But Anthony is back in this podcast. Anthony is talking about burnout when he says, “If you overdo it [game], it can take you down.” I know that feeling. More often now I feel the void after sex. It’s more like looking into the abyss. I remember, in my 20s, reading about that sort of feeling and thinking, “What a load of shit. Dumbasses.” Now, here I am feeling the thing that I used to make fun of.

Anthony sounds like an interesting guy. He got a PhD, probably in finance. When I was young I also considered pursuing an academic path, as Antony actually did. I’m very happy I didn’t, especially given the miserable state of modern universities, but it’s notable how most guys writing game blogs have some academic or systematizing parts of their personalities. I’m guessing that players without those personality traits never write what they’re doing.

(I like player blogs: leave suggestions for new ones in the comments.)

Despite my feelings about the void, I don’t know what the alternative is. I’ve done some bleating about how I’m less excited about rogering chicks than I used to be. That bleating is true. But, at the same time… what else would I do? That is not a facetious or rhetorical question. I literally cannot think of anything more fun or meaningful than being in the game, however tenuously. Or anything I can reasonably do. It would be interesting to, for example, quit everything and go back to school to study aerospace engineering and try to become an engineer for SpaceX, but that is a very, very long jump from where I am now. I’m reluctant to throw away so many years of effort.

There is a part of me that wants to do just that, a part of me that feels like I’ve exhausted the major parts of game and my current work. I’m positioned well financially, but not so well that I can quit working forever. I’ve taken care to minimize expenses (that, plus an unwillingness to play Keeping Up With The Other Suburban Mommies, helped kill the relationship with my co-parent), but not to the extent that I’m totally financially independent. Could be there in five to ten years. At which point it will be too late to re-tool in a serious way.

Every day, at least five days a week, it is a good idea to get up and make a short list of things you want to accomplish that day. Every month or so, it is a good idea to write a list of things you want to accomplish that month. Every couple of months, things you want to accomplish that year. Do all that and stick to it and you will likely achieve what you want to achieve. Not everything (there will be slippage), but you will avoid pissing away a lot of days. This is true of work and of personal projects. Any individual day is insignificant, but the days add up. I did not invent this strategy and don’t recall where I first heard about it, but many companies and individuals use it, or variants of it.

Despite the preceding paragraphs, I feel like there is some new phase of my life coming up (writing this blog, now, instead of writing it five or ten years ago, when I had far more material, may be part of the change) and I don’t know what that change is. For most guys my age, that would likely be family, but, again, I’ve already been there and am not eager to do round #2. Though it is conceivable I will, somehow, at some point, likely under a more co-parenting arrangement than a traditional marriage or marriage-like arrangement.

Also… realistically… banging really hot chicks is amazing in the moment. Really, really amazing. The total pinnacle of existence, even when I feel empty after. When it’s really good, it’s a kind of peak experience. So there is that facet of life, and it’s one that I feel like a lot of other people miss. Or they sacrifice it for the sake of their families. Which is fine, and I respect that, but… damn. In the moment, man.

Some of Torero’s podcasts are too basic for my tastes, but this one I listened through. The notion of sparking, or creating an emotional moment in a chick’s otherwise dreary life, is also good.

I do wish Torero would go more into his own inner darkness. Maybe he has and I missed that. I have read most of Krauser’s books, and they seem to present a more complex view of Torero (that’s one way to put it) than the one I perceive in the podcast. Many people who get far outside the mainstream and into game have some inner demons propelling them forward, away from conventional society. I like the players who will go into the dark. When I’m with a girl I try to get into the darkness in her soul too. Most girls like it when a guy will do that in a non-judgmental way. Sometimes I do find that a girl is too messed up for me, but it is actually better to discover that sooner rather than later.

In addition: Kids, the player, and the Red Pill: Comprehensive statement. Most normal guys eventually want a family… like Jordan B Peterson says, what else are you going to do with the second half of your life? Young guys don’t have to worry about this much, but most guys in the 34 – 40 range ask the long-term questions. 


I take it back: I think I have to cut her loose

I mentioned a long-term lover in the context of recurring revenue,

One of them I like a lot for sex, but I’m thinking about ending it with her because she’s too unstable in some ways. She hates her job yet can’t seem to get out of it. She’s on a bunch of prescription drugs, including one that’s supposed to be a short-term drug, but she’s been on it for years (I don’t know what the fuck is the matter with her doctor).

But, on the other hand, she’s bisexual and a very reliable threesome partner. If she says she’s going to be somewhere, she goes there. We’ve had numerous threesomes and foursomes together because she’s so sexually uninhibited.

And then I followed-up,

a functional, attractive bi chick who shows up and likes to hookup with both girls and other couples… that’s rare. However much the drugs and some other aspects of her personality bug me, when I re-read what I wrote, I think, “Why formally break it off? We can see what happens.”

Last night, I met this girl for a typical, one-on-one sex date… and she didn’t want to have sex! Second time this has happened in recent memory. She lives not so far from me, but not that close either. Some aspects of her personality I like a lot, but others I find irritating. If we’re having good sex, the irritation fades and the bad things are tolerable or unnoticeable. If we’re not having sex, they’re foregrounded. She (apparently?) wasn’t on one or two of her meds, and that affected her. In which case, why didn’t she cancel? One possible, logical answer is that she sees me as a friend at least as much as a lover.

Any experienced guy who reads the preceding sentence should be hearing horror movie music. The moment you realize the girl may see you as too much of a friend is like watching someone go into the house where the killer waits with a knife.

She’s much younger than me, in her mid-20s, though she goes for much older guys. In my view she is getting too old to behave this way, or to be on drugs like she is. Sometimes she reads as older and more mature than she is, and sometimes she reads as having the psychology of a 14 year old. I’m re-reading what I said about her before, and the word “reliable” pops out to me, cause she’s gone from being reliable (a very desirable trait), to being unreliable… which means it’s probably time to let her go.

In writing this post, I’m also thinking about how few players write about ending it. There’s a lot written about openings, about overcoming anxiety, about the mid-game, about the number of dates and ideal venues, about closing, about sex. There is some written about retention, about being 85% “alpha” (not my favorite word) and 15% “beta” (also not my favorite word) in a relationship. There’s little written about having a chick more into you than you are into her and how to cut her loose. I think this girl is more into me because I stopped initiating contact with her a while ago, but when she initiates with me, I often respond. In that sense, I may have assumed the typical girl role, but in this very specific instance it’s a role I’m okay with. Was okay with, I should say, cause I’m not anymore.

Most often, when I’m ending it with a girl, I prefer to talk to her face to face or, if necessary, on the phone. I like to say directly to her that I like her but think we are not compatible. I like to wish her well and encourage her to be her best self. In person or on the phone allows much greater tone control than text messages do… texts are too damn easy to misinterpret. I’ll also get something closer to her authentic reaction when I do it in person. I think ghosting is a pervasive social cancer and it is bad for the person ghosting and the person being ghosted. In some situations it may be warranted, but most of the time it’s bad and you shouldn’t do, even if girls do it to you… a girl who ghosts you is communicating something deeply negative about herself.

Back to the girl I’m referencing: I basically know her too well and am too close to being or becoming one of her girlfriends. I liked her a lot better at the beginning, when she was mysterious and sexy, and much less now, when she is a mess. (I wonder: could she say something similar about me?)

One funny fact about her: at some point this couple I know, and she knows tangentially through me, who are in some kind of poly relationship, had a kid. They live in a house with other open relationship people and their kid. No word on a DNA test and I don’t know them that well. The guy is pretty cool, the chick is annoying and overweight… a deadly combination. Don’t know why the guy is with her, as he can do much better.

So at some point myself and the cut-her-loose girl and I were talking about it and I said, “I would never, ever raise a kid that isn’t mine.” (Not from birth, at least… I could imagine maybe some scenarios, though they’re pretty unlikely and far from where I am now). She asked, “Why not?” and I told her. She eventually said she could imagine having kids and living in a triad or a poly house (she was in a triad at the time, although she’s in the 5% of people who identify as poly but are actually attractive). Again, mentally, I was like, “You are so fucking far away from being able to have a kid. She finds it hard to find and maintain a boyfriend or primary partner. It’s obvious to me, now, why. From afar she seems mysterious, quiet, well-put-together, and wildly sexual. From up close, she seems distracted, confused, uncertain, and aimless. Most guys with anything going for them are going to like the sex, next the rest.

She is nice in some ways but her drugs are f**king her up and her financial life is a disaster. She’s also alienated from her family for reasons that seem partially justified and partially not. When a person cannot get along with their family, that is a very bad sign, too (you might see a theme in this post about bad signs). A woman (or man) can have a few bad signs and still be good, but as the bad signs pile up, the likelihood of being good drops and drops. I’m sure I display some bad signs to girls. With this girl, being alienated from your family can be justified…I have met normal people with awful families, and your family background is not destiny, but, combined with other signals, it’s not good.

My weekend goal was to not go out, but I went out last night to see this girl. I was only there for about an hour, and she seemed surprised by how quickly I wanted to leave… why hang out without sex? The psychic energy and night seemed wasted. At yoga this morning I thought about writing this post instead of focusing on the moment and movements. Minor things, but things. Today is also shaping up to be more social than I thought it would. Not a problem, but it is true.

Ms. Slav story update

Ms. Slav left for home on Monday, and we spent two weeks seeing each other every other day. She’s bisexual (or, as she says, she prefers “pansexual”) and was also having some sex with the girl she stayed with. The other girl is essentially straight but also inexperienced. She’s not into sex enough for Ms. Slav’s taste, and I would guess from seeing pictures of her that she’s not very competitive. I wish the other girl were hotter, but she is… not.

Ms. Slav is into being my nude model and making sex tapes with me, so that’s a major plus. I think she’ll be into posting them online when we get there. Like most chicks, when she sees nudes of herself taken by someone with a real camera and some small knowledge of photography, she’s properly impressed… to the point that she’s now talking about buying a camera (a good move in my view: if you develop your aesthetic eye even a little, iPhone pics will not satisfy).

Despite that, I still find myself not as excited about her as I should be. F**king her was really fun, don’t get me wrong, and I’m happy to have done it and will do it again, but I can’t get totally into her. Why?

This is embarrassing to admit, but on two separate occasions when I was fucking her, an unwanted thought came to the top of mind: “96% of guys would kill to be in this situation; why aren’t you totally into it?”

Maybe it is the condom thing, I don’t know. Or, it is true that sometimes we just don’t get into a person who is objectively very attractive.

On Saturday I did bring her to a pretty large party. I may function for her the way Libido Girl did for me. She loved the party, despite some hiccups due to some guest-list challenges caused by the organizers, and after we had some (very intense, very good) sex, she wanted to find a girl to hookup with. She wasn’t clear about how to do so in that environment, but I sure was, and practically the first couple I saw had a woman who was ALSO looking for another woman. She was probably in her early 30s but still very hot. They had never been to a full-on event before and had only gone to non-sex events, so they were excited. The other guy and I watched and participated a little bit. They had that mind-blown look that people get at their first orgies. Eventually, Ms. Slav and I had sex again.

The other woman got Ms. Slav’s number. I warned Ms. Slav that, in the clear light of the next day, many people are less interested, but Ms. Slav said, “Girls always text me.” She’s got an arrogant edge, but, as I mentioned, she is very hot. And the next day the other woman did text her, very promptly. They couldn’t meet before Ms. Slav left, but I’m now confident they will again.

Ms. Slav reminds me of something Nash said: very young chicks can get trained quickly by older guys into sexual experience and knowledge (I can’t find the specific posts where he talks about this). Ms. Slav made sexual debut at a very early age, and has continued since then: she is full of life. Although I haven’t heard about her oldest partner yet, I wouldn’t be surprised to find him 30+. Guys mostly have to develop on our own, while many girls get accelerated by older guys.

At the party, I was helped by my reputation and by the fact that I knew many people there. I led, Ms. Slav followed. A very good dynamic.

Ms. Slav also talked to her roommate/host about going to the party, but the roommate expressed a lot of interest, then didn’t go (a much more typical experience with women: interest, but failed execution). Behavior like this, and experience with it, is why a lot of venture capitalists are reluctant to invest in female entrepreneurs. The roommate had a good path to adventure and another, non-judgmental girl to go with, but didn’t bother. The whole path was open! Then the roommate expressed intense regret the next day, because she went to some boring average party and left after an hour. I’m always happy to leave heavy chicks at home.

Ms. Slav is also unusual because she’s extremely punctual and extremely straightforward. When she said, “I want to hook up with a girl,” I found an acceptable girl and she did. She had a great time. Unlike so many chicks, she wasn’t constantly tripping over herself and into failure. As many players know, a girl’s statement that “I’m interested in other girls” is often, if not bullshit, then at least not something she wants to execute. Finding chicks who say, “I want this thing” and then do this thing is too uncommon. I really like it when it does happen, but I don’t expect it to. I wonder how many chicks would have better sexual experiences if they showed up on time and learned how to cook (Ms. Slav also likes to cook and says she’ll cook for me when she gets her apartment set up).

Like Libido Girl, I think Ms. Slav would make an excellent wing-woman for threesomes.

I meant to update the story sooner, but work has been nuts and when I’ve not been working I’ve been dealing with personal stuff, or stuffing Ms. Slav. Now I wish I’d taken closer notes on what she said, because there are other amusing game-related things, but I have been tired and today is the first day I’ve had mental space to talk about Ms. Slav. The media-outrage articles don’t require as much deep thought, because typically they either exemplify an important Red Pill idea or need simple correction that Red Pill and evolutionary biology guys will already know. I would guess that, over time, as I transition away from the game, that will become the bulk of this blog.

(I still don’t know what should replace the game, but I do still feel it should be something.)

By the way, the 20-year-old came to town for a day to look for apartments, but I didn’t see her Snapchat saying as much until after she’d left. That’s just as well: she’s flakey enough that I may stop responding altogether and maybe re-initiate later on. I worry that I’ve been feeding her way too much attention relative to her behavior.

Correction: I know I’ve been feeding her way too much attention. She does reply within minutes of everything I send her, but if the logistics aren’t there I need to ease out till they are. I’m not convinced I’m going to have sex with her again. Her behavior is strange. Must be other dudes in the picture.

I did talk to Ms. Slav about getting an IUD. I want to go all the way, raw, and see if that ups my feelings about her.

“A lot of women don’t enjoy hookup culture—so why do we force ourselves to participate?”

A lot of women don’t enjoy hookup culture—so why do we force ourselves to participate?” More accurately, a lot of women are very happy to compete for the highest-status men. Women are not stupid and know that the highest-status men have lots of options. If a woman doesn’t grab his attention quickly, he’ll give it to another woman.

It is true that women don’t like it when a high-status man has sex with them, then ditches them. That may sour their feelings about “hook ups,” even as they’re still motivated to engage in them (with a sufficiently high-status man). For some women, chasing a high-status man is a gamble to get him to invest, and he often doesn’t. Women (correctly) worry that if they fail to hook up with a high-status man, some other woman will get him.

Plus, lots of women like hookups with a sexually competent man. Since a lot of men are sexually incompetent, the attraction to hooking up goes down.

There are also some women who like hooking up a lot, and they drive the narrative (Ms. Slav is like that, and I’m sure she’s broken up relationships before). The book Cheap Sex discusses this dynamic. The author also has not read Date-onomics. The book explains how small changes in the male-female ratio can lead to large changes in behavior. If there are more males in a given situation, there is more monogamy and commitment. If there are more females, there is greater promiscuity. Middlebury is 52% female, which is pretty good for women by the standards of modern colleges.

As usual, the writer doesn’t understand how female psychology evolved and doesn’t fully understand female preference for the highest-status men. Once a person understands that women are in intense competition with other women for high-status men, and that high-status men typically have multiple female offers to choose from, the supposed “dislike” for hookup culture while participating in it anyway becomes clear. Women may say they dislike hookup culture when they actually dislike not having emotional and relationship access to the high-status man they want both from.

“I know it was wrong but my desire for him and for adventure was so intense”

Some Like it Rough” is a basic female cheating story; the only surprising part is that the author claims she was monogamous for 9.5 years. The story ticks so many of the classic boxes:

Ilyas was my surf teacher for a week in Morocco. At that time, I was in a monogamous relationship for 9,5 years and I never cheated nor wanted to cheat on my partner.

She’s traveling alone and thus out of her typical environment. The likelihood of her being caught is low. This is why a lot of players love it when they open solo tourist girls.

I know it was wrong but my desire for him and for adventure was so intense.

Feelings matter more than commitments, which is why men should not marry. Marriage will not stop her. The feelings in the moment override everything.

Then he spanked me. And that changed my life. I had never been spanked during sex and I was amused and surprised. He kept doing it, and squeezing my butt too.

If a guy does not learn how to dominate a girl and do rough sex well, he is not going to keep her. Most women want to be dominated and want to submit. If a guy doesn’t make her submit, she will find another guy who will.

I was so thrilled about that incredible night, it was like having “real” sex for the first time.

More of the same.

I talked to all my friends about it and then to my boyfriend when we broke up. Everyone was very supportive and I never felt judged.

Women’s friends will encourage them to cheat. So why promise monogamy that won’t be reciprocated? Instead of pretending to do monogamy (that most people can’t or won’t do), I think going all the way in the opposite direction can be better for a guy with game.

“When a DNA Test Shatters Your Identity”

When a DNA Test Shatters Your Identity” is total Red Pill, in a mainstream package. Remember when I wrote, “DNA confirms: women like to screw around, lie about it?” Same idea, different package.

Be the guy she cheats with, not the guy she cheats on.

There is one suspicious pregnancy that I’ve knowingly been a part of. It was at a business conference, years ago now, with a woman who already had one kid and was, I think, bored with her husband. She wasn’t very attractive, a low 6 probably (sorry, for those of you who who might be imagining the porn fantasy), and I think I only managed to get with her because there were two or three low 7s who could be played off her. I don’t think any of the 7s got fucked, unless they were extra conniving about it. But mine did, albeit with some sneaking around. When we eventually got to it, she badly wanted me to use a condom and I, um, didn’t want to. I eventually won and we spent the better part of two days screwing. And she spent time telling me how much she loved her husband but that she’s bored with him and that they barely have sex anymore.

We didn’t talk too much after that, as I respect the Secret Society and didn’t want the rest of her life to know about her transgression. I eventually learned, through Facebook, that she had a second kid. I looked at the timing and couldn’t help noticing the timing was pretty much perfect.

Now. She might already have been pregnant. She might have screwed six different guys in the week before the conference. Her husband might’ve done the deed the night she got home. But it’s also possible that the kid is going to do a 23andme one day and learn something shocking.

When you realize what a lot of women are capable of, your whole life and outlook changes. The man-o-sphere and Red Pill are full of guys worrying about what happens if or when their chick cheats. It’s impossible to protect yourself fully, but a guy can demand the DNA test for any kids fingered as his, and he can also realize that for every chick who cheats, there’s a guy she’s cheating with.

Our whole society is also now built around admiring and supporting women who cheat. It’s possible for a guy to stand against that cultural edifice, but it’s really hard and kind of pointless. The rewards are in being the guy she cheats with.

Downside is that I think most cheaters are older, less attractive, and have already been in a relationship for a pretty long time. So long that they’re bored and likely under appreciated. So if the right new hotness comes along, it might be time for her.

I also think chicks like the contrast. If she’s chosen a good worker guy who makes good money but is a little boring, she might be ready for exciting musician guy with the tats and shit. But if she’s chosen a free-spirited artist and is sick of not making rent or paying for the guy while he works on his music, Mr. Shit-Together $$$$ may appeal to her. I’ve seen it go both ways, more or less.

Chicks declaim responsibility

Chicks declaim responsibility: there is a kind of dumb essay, “Dead Girls, Female Murderers, and Megan Abbott’s Novel ‘Give Me Your Hand,'” you can read through search engines for a laugh, but it is revealing about female psychology, “She’s not just any dead girl. Usually, she is white, straight, and cisgender; young and beautiful; not poor.” People care about hot fertile chicks and rich high-status guys. You may notice that not many murder mysteries focus on dead guys who are nice-guy janitors. They focus on presidents, CEOs, cops… guys who have power. As usual, most guys are just ignored. The murder of a young hot chick is exciting and also extremely transgressive (because she hasn’t had kids yet, probably). She excites great passion in men, up to murderous passion, and exciting that kind of passion in men is exciting to read about for women.

Young and beautiful chicks are intrinsically more interesting to both men and women, as lovers or as rivals. That’s biology at work. Women past reproductive age are not that interesting.

Abbott says, “the place women can go to read about the dark, messy stuff of their lives that they’re not supposed to talk about—domestic abuse, serial predation, sexual assault, troubled family lives, conflicted feelings about motherhood, the weight of trauma, partner violence, and the myriad ways the justice system can fail, and silence, women.” But like Camille Paglia says, any women who stays with a guy who hits her after the first time he does is complicit with the violence. She’s excited by it. Just like many if not most women who experience “sexual assault” do so because they set up the situation. They get drunk, go out, meet and entice guys, and then are surprised by what happens. The real thing no one talks about is female complicity.

Women, except for very rare women like Camille Paglia, don’t talk about this because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. Most of what women do is the fault of someone else, preferably a man. She’s just, you know, an innocent victim. Except that’s very rarely the case.

All this talk about “partner violence” and “sexual assault” communicates to men that women are childlike and inept. Smart, competent, and self-aware women rarely have those problems. Competent women identify potentially violent guys and avoid them. Contrary to feminist myth, those guys are readily identifiable.

And they attract women. What does that tell us?

Competent women avoid those guys… unless they are into potentially violent guys… and then when the guy does his extremely predictable thing, she depicts herself as a victim. Better for her reputation than taking responsibility for herself.

Camille Paglia also calls out the bogus #MeToo movement. It should be called the #ZeroResponsibility movement. There is nobody else like her in academia today. Christina Hoff Summers comes closest. Most “feminists” are just un-self-aware apologists for their own psychologies.

“28.3 percent of women… fantasized about…”

A 2014 study conducted by researchers at the University of Montreal and published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggested that 28.3 percent of women and 13.1 percent of men fantasized about having sex with more than one man at the same time, and that 24.7 of women and 75.3 percent of men fantasized about having sex with more than one woman at the same time.

That’s a summary from a trashy magazine,  but I would wager that most people won’t admit their deepest fantasies to researchers. The true number is likely higher.

I write this not to argue that you should indulge in a chick’s depraved fantasies, although I do that, but to remind you of who and what you’re dealing with beneath the surface.  Many if not most chicks will present one way and behave another. Most guys do not realize this immediately… it took me until I was well into my 20s to really get it, although I should have put together the pieces much earlier.

If you’re a guy who can execute a chick’s deepest fantasies, while also communicating to her that no one else needs to know about what she’s done, she may truly be yours.

If you’re on a date with a woman, there’s at least a one-in-four chance she’d like to try group sex. Most women will not admit that quickly, of course. But they might admit it to a non-judgmental, open guy who they’ve been sleeping with for a while.

Most guys never get to see how deep it goes (and don’t want to know). Even now, I’d bet the majority of you think you know but haven’t gone all the way. Even I’m not sure I have.

Ms. Slav story

I met this girl in a semi-warm atmosphere, and I met her because she was reading a book that I recognized: I asked her about the book, then showed her what I was reading, and when she seemed genuinely interested I asked if she wanted company for a minute (I had an errand elsewhere—a handy time constraint). In the land of Internet seduction everything is about “assuming the sale” and “asking forgiveness, not permission,” but in real life I don’t think it’s a good idea to be menacingly close to a sitting chick one has just met. Better to check with a simple, “I’ve got two minutes, mind if I sit down?” She was down and we chatted for a bit and I got her number. She’s got an accent and is from Central Europe, which is unusual, though her English is near flawless. She said no to a drink over text but did get a coffee, and at the coffee she admitted that she “kind of” had a boyfriend. She is also 18 (!), though I figured her for early 20s. We have some people in common, and that helped.

(If you’re a novice guy and want more detail on approach, see this.)

She drifted off at the time but did show up to a couple of events I was putting on. Then she went home in late May but said she’d text me when she got back. Around that time I was wrapped up in other matters and chicks, so I didn’t think much of her, as she seemed improbable. I was probably too intellectual with her, though she seemed to respond to that side of me.

On Tuesday Ms. Slav texted me to say that she’s back in town. Wednesday morning I proposed an adventure on Thursday. She said yes, and we met near a bar I chose. She was completely cool with it and maybe not surprised by the destination. I ordered us drinks at the bar and we talked books. One is about psychedelics, a topic that should interest many of you. I know people who’ve dropped acid and taken mushrooms, but this book felt like it scrambled my brain, because I didn’t know how amazing psychedelics can be.

I do know, however, that it’s not a bad idea to indirectly bring up drugs and sex, just to see what kind of girl one is dealing with. This one, it turns out, was lightly involved in some aspect of drug dealing in the city where she went to boarding school. F**k: that means she’s sex-positive and likely to want to get to it. We had lots of talk about drugs and their ability to help a person achieve their best self. The talk has a hippie-ish tinge, which is fine by me.

She also says, later, she lost her virginity at 13 to a guy who was 18. If her stories are remotely true, she’s had more experience at age 18 than most people have had by age 25. I can see that most guys her age would be unable to handle her. She’s too mature-seeming and experienced.

Ms. Slav said she has a fake ID and told me about her and psychedelics, which are, it turns out, her favorite kind of drug.

Needless to say, she checks all the “yes” boxes. We make out a little in the bar and I take her back. I slip a performance-enhancing drug, because I’m not sure how I feel after the Wednesday adventure. She’s wearing nice underwear, so she’s been thinking about what would happen. With Ms. Slav it’s good, but somehow I’m not 100% in the game. Maybe the desire was not hot enough in me: On Wednesday night I had a long, intense session with an occasional partner, so I was not at my physical peak.

She stayed over, and the next round in the morning was also good, but Ms. Slav says she’s not on birth control and doesn’t have an IUD, so finishing through the condom was tough. Maybe tough psychologically as well as physically. Good news is that the session lasted a long time, and Ms. Slav seemed to like the way I (man)handled her. She left, and then left town for the weekend and is supposed to come home pretty late tonight. I’m suposed to see her tonight or tomorrow night. I’d gauge 50-50 odds for it happening.

Friday I was worthless at work, and when I got home I took a very late nap, then went to the gym. Saturday I did some of the work I should have done Friday. Today I have a few free minutes.

Oddly, though she’s probably more attractive, Ms. Slav didn’t generate the huge, ridiculous boost and intense obsession that the 20-year-old did. Maybe because I’d been totally drained by the bedroom adventures of Wednesday night? Or maybe because I couldn’t totally hit it raw? Whatever the reason I am NOT complaining (if a guy complains about getting with a young hot girl half his age… just hit him in the face, like he deserves). I am *noting* it, however. The chemistry that makes one girl pop like a hit of MDMA while another is merely very good is mysterious. With this girl, texting discipline is easy, while with the 20-year-old I was besotted.

It’s an amazing world when like a week separates a single mom hitting on me and tagging a young lithe firm-breasted chick. Apart from the initial open, I think she picked me more than I picked her. I’m guessing too that she needed to see some social superiority/skills and some intellectual acuity. I never met the “boyfriend” but did see a few pics on her Facebook, so I’m guessing he was real, but with chicks… you never really know. No mention of him at drinks on Thursday. I didn’t ask and she didn’t tell.

If it weren’t for reading the stories of other players on the Internet, I think I’d still be under some serious misapprehensions about chicks. But when I see that other guys are experiencing some of the same things I am, it strengthens some of my hunches and lets me put together the strange pieces of the female psyche. Other guys’s stories also tell me that if they can tag young chicks, I can sometimes do it too. Which means you, the guy reading this, might also be able to do it.

Ms. Slav also let me make an AMAZING sex tape. I just looked at it for the first time. Holy hell, that girl is tiny and hot. Great at sex, great sounds, great body. I wonder if I’ll see her tonight or tomorrow, when I’m properly rested. Until today, I feel like I’ve barely had a spare moment to savor the experience and think about her. Contact with her over the weekend has been good, and she messages me far more than I message her. She reads as essentially less flakey the the 20-year-old. She also reads as a budding libidinous intellectual, or sex-driven intellectual. Usually the smartest girls are not sexy and the sexiest girls are not smart. This one seems to combine both.

It was nice to get her out… I’ve probably had 25 – 30 rejections / blowouts from randoms in recent months (correction: maybe longer than that, as I don’t keep careful track, so they’ve been spread over a pretty long time). I’ve not written about most rejections because they’re not interesting and there’s nothing to say about them: I don’t write about everything that happens to me regarding game or women… I choose the things that might be of more general interest. “Curate,” to use the annoying, contemporary word. Suddenly running into this yes-girl, or girl whose unusual boxes I happen to check, is very nice. Like her p***y.

I think I’m picking up sexually open chicks who really like older dudes. That, or I just spin the wheel enough to get the occasional hit. Not complaining, merely observing.

The hunt and the meal

A reply to this comment, and the reply grew so unruly that I post it independently.

>>I wrote it to show some contrast to the “notch hunt only” POV.

Maybe most guys who don’t feel the need to notch hunt also don’t end up writing player blogs. Because if they’re not driven by novelty and achievement, they’ll find an acceptable girl and stop, or stop for a while. Not much story there.

I’m in a weird space between being a notch hunter and a satisficer. I like (or liked) novelty but am not obsessed with whoever is next. But I also don’t want and won’t do the conventional relationship path. So I end up in between.

>>Super valid ^. And I LOVE the hunt, but I like this about you.

I’m glad you get to do what you love. More people should try to do what they love. I’m trying to understand myself, to some extent, by writing here. There is pretty much no one in the real world who I can say all this to. In real life, I don’t know any hardcore players, in the Internet sense of cold approach and such… I know some via sex clubs, but they don’t appear to pursue being a player in the way of daygame guys, for example. In college my friends thought I was a “player.” By the standards of bashful college guys, I probably was: by the standards of guys on the game journey, not at all. Reading about game helps codify and elaborate on things I suspect and think but have rarely seen discussed… or discussed in any depth.

Modern society is also TERRIBLE at attempting to turn boys into men. Thus the endless individual and social pathologies that are readily observed. I love WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER for its discussion of those things. But I rarely find the right guy to give a copy.

With Bike Girl……. I told her that moving in together will destroy what we have, which is both true and also an excuse. I’ve been softening a little bit to the idea of cohabitating with a woman again, at some point, mostly because I don’t think I want to live alone, or mostly alone, forever. But I’d have to find a very special, unusual woman. It’s hard for me to think of the characteristics she’d need to have.

Bike Girl is too normal and too young, not just in years but in dispostion or maturity, to consider that. She isn’t quite a “catch and release women who want families” girl, but I think releasing her is the right thing to do. She wants a guy she can live with and a guy who is more conventional than me. She wouldn’t put it that way, but I can see enough of her to know.

She doesn’t try hard enough to get what she wants, in either men or her work. She wants things to just come to her, and I’m like, “No… that’s not how it happens. Usually.” She is a passive girl, waiting for others to make things happen for her. I’m not going to make her baby happen. I’m not going to pay for her to live.

If I somehow let her move in with me, that would work for a year or two, till she gets bored. She’d be too comfortable. I wouldn’t be able to help her become whoever she needs to become. We’d probably end up not liking each other much.

Instead, I (probably) get to be the latest jerk to break her heart. She has nothing to do with it, of course. She is an innocent white flower.

>>This makes me smile. I can see how that ^ would be hard to cut off. Good for you, man. You have a access to side of sex most men (myself included) cannot even imagine.

A functional, attractive bi chick who shows up and likes to hookup with both girls and other couples… that’s rare. However much the drugs and some other aspects of her personality bug me, when I re-read what I wrote, I think, “Why formally break it off? We can see what happens.”

But I’m also not very excited about her anymore… without some excitement, why bother? In short, I am back and forth, as these last few paragraphs show. Could be that I’m addicted to the rush that success brings.