Don’t say anything, and instead change the debate

A player scheduled a date with a chick, then felt ill so he cancelled, then felt better and attempted to un-cancel (or reschedule, I guess) the date. The chick said she’s not free anymore and that she thinks he had other plans, and the other plans got cancelled. She “doesn’t believe in miracles.” Sounds like a girl who’s been around men and dating for a while.

So what would you do? Leave answers in the comments before you read on.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Okay, so what should you do? Red Pill Dad said, “That’s tough. My first thought is to make fun of her.” He also said, “Or, the other thing would be to just say: I’m sorry you feel that way—I’d still like to see you. Let’s meet at X at 7.” The player in question thinks she’s legit angry, though. He wants to reply, because “she’s essentially calling me a liar.”

I had a different take, “I’d ignore, roll off, try again next week.” Why? Attention points to the issue, and leads to “the question of the guy’s veracity” being the frame… which is not the frame you want, especially over text (if you haven’t read the essay on attention, go read it, as it’s foundational and fundamental). The issue of the player’s veracity is already lost: if he sees her in person again he can reiterate the truth, but she doesn’t believe him, and it’s unlikely that anything he can say over text will change her mind.

Even a token response seems sub-optimal to me. I’d say nothing, and doing nothing is an under-rated move. Notice how often chicks do it. And then when we (men) re-engage later, chicks act as if nothing has happened or changed. Many of us, myself included, have an often-counterproductive desire to have the last word, or to achieve closure in the conversation. We want to be right, or “right.” Chicks, however, are often willing to say nothing, and let absence speak: it can be a kind of power move, if done properly. Often, the best way to deal with the argument or disagreement is to change the frame, to not have that argument, and instead to have another. Attention to an issue foregrounds the issue. At first glance, maybe it seems as if the player’s options were fight her (weak frame) or grovel to her (also weak frame). Ignoring her, letting emotions calm down, feels like short circuiting the system.

When people argue, they are very rarely arguing about what is “right.” They are talking about their ego, their underlying big five personality traits, their social status, etc. How can we intelligently manage conflict? When a guy gets into this kind of ticky-tacky debate with a chick, he’s often lost the moment he engages. Think of nerds who engage chicks in political or social debates, that sort of thing…. they very effectively turn the chick off. Many men are overly logical with chicks, thinking that the situation is like a math problem, with a right answer. But chicks are not math problems, they are feeling/emotions problems, where logic as men know it often doesn’t apply. Many men are scientists and engineers while many chicks are social workers and HR people, telling us an important truth about chick preferences and man preferences.

The girl I call Cassie was prone to annoying feminist/SJW outbursts via text, and when she did… I ignored them and re-engaged later, when I was ready to see her. Those outbursts were annoying but overall I liked f**king her, she reliably went to sex clubs with me, and they were an annoyance but little more. I’d starve her attempt to make a fire of oxygen by not engaging, but I simultaneously didn’t agree with her feminist bullshit. That seemed like a decent middle ground to me. She’d sometimes do the same in conversation, which I also ignored, and directed the conversation to better places. I’d never have her be my girlfriend or a significant presence in my life, because she’s shown me who she is (annoying), but she is good for sex clubs and that is enough for her. She’s also said she wants to be in a relationship, not just someone’s secondary partner, but she can’t connect her off-putting feminist SJW outbursts from her lack of significant male companionship. Girls like her are not so common, but they can be found, especially in the big cities, or wherever spinsters and future spinsters gather.

Maybe the player’s desire to respond comes from scarcity mindset, and he felt the urge to get her back on board, to “fix” things… whereas that would drive her further away. Better to let her feelings change.

These strategies don’t always work and following them is no guarantee of victory (there are no guarantees in life apart from death, and that MDMA is awesome). The player with the dilemma shouldn’t have cancelled until he was sure he’d be sick. If he could have, he should have done a video call so she can hear/see he’s sick. We all make mistakes, however, and I have probably made more mistakes than most: we can only try to learn from those mistakes. If I hadn’t begun reading player blogs ten or twelve years ago there are many subtle lessons I’d not have learned.

The player should also go talk to more chicks (the answer to many dilemmas), as this one might be done with him. She might not be, you never know, but “talk to new girls” is almost always good advice.


An epilogue: between the time I wrote the above and published it, the player ignored the girl, and she double-texted him, with a positive second message. Ultimately she seems to have flaked, but I think the player learned from this situation. He wrote to me that he’d still like,

clarification on the interplay of strong frame and ignoring her behavior. Text admittedly makes things difficult here. But as much as you don’t want to reward bad behavior with attention, it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior.

There is no perfect answer here. I see a lot of sub-optimal advice online telling guys to cut out a girl at the first time of “disrespect.” This is ridiculous for most guys, as girls naturally shit test and more simply want to see what a guy is made of… or just banter. Girls love teasing, something many online autists struggle with.

Girls also feel different things at different times. If a guy does not have almost all the women in his life he can handle, he should not be prematurely ejecting girls for being girls. A lot of the advice I see in the community is about the guy flaunting his ego and also trying to protect his ego. Go ahead and do ego projection and protection if it makes you feel good, but I’d rather make connections with chicks and get laid.

I am worried that “it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior” is too much an ultimatum, and ultimatums are either a sign of weakness (most commonly) or a sign of great strength (very rarely). When a guy withdraws attention for poor behavior, that is enough: it is enough to do the thing, without announcing like a woman that the thing will be done. Much of this perceived desire to punish is about the man’s fear that he is weak, or that he somehow wishes to take revenge on all women, or to control all women.

See as well Red Pill Dad’s post, “Call a woman on her shit or put her in her place. If she’s your wife or girlfriend, OK, but even then you need to be careful, because directly confronting a woman, especially if she’s agitated or angry is falling into her frame. The best thing to do is ignore her, change the subject, or dismiss it without being combative.” Most people don’t change their minds and indeed stop listening altogether when someone confronts them head on. We most want to hear someone who already has status and/or credibility.

Integrating smart drugs, like MDMA (molly), smartly

The average guy who regularly uses drugs like MDMA (molly), coke, etc., may seem from the outside like an idiot and may even be one, but the guys who use MDMA to lead better lives don’t look or act like the average drug idiot. You probably won’t know who they are, unless they tell you, or unless you see them at a venue on a night that’s conducive to the rolling experience. Without having had that experience, it’s impossible to describe how beautiful and life-affirming it can be: and, for those reasons, it can also be a powerful tool in terms of bonding with chicks, and elevating their lives. Loads of girls love different experiences (their typical life is dreary, except when men who up to create some excitement) and it’s possible to intelligently experiment with altered states of mind and body. That almost no guys writing about the game mention this (kind of obvious) point tells us about guys writing about the game… the main exception I can think of is Delicious Tacos, who’s not writing about the game, exactly, but sometimes tweets that the most effective pickup line in the world is, “Hey, want to do some coke?” I’m not saying that should be your line… but he has a point. Loads of guys disparage nightclubs, none of them ever say, “coke is a key part of doing that game successfully.” Personally I don’t want to do coke, but its effectiveness in certain environments remains.

MDMA is better, though, as mentioned above, impossible to describe without having taken it, but it will lower inhibitions, increase tactile sensations, create greater social cohesion, and have some other positive effects, like making people who take it more open and outgoing. A lot of ppl don’t like clubs/raves, then they take MDMA, then they’re suddenly great! If clubs/raves look stupid to you, that’s because you’ve never experienced them on drugs, which is the only way they make sense. Booming nightclubs are horrible environments, unless you’re drunk or on drugs. MDMA is a much better experience than alcohol.

Girls go out and have a couple of drinks on dates because the girls are nervous and they also want to get laid, without their nervous forebrain getting in the way of their p**sies. Girls want to unabashedly and uninhibitedly love sex, but they often let their social and psychological programming and conditioning get in their way. The application of a bit of alcohol, or MDMA, can get her over the inhibition hump and into a total sex state, something that is obvious to most guys who have been around. Experienced girls will often be able to get there on their own, but even they can remain pretty inhibited until they try a little something that gets them where they want to go. Lots of girls mess things up for themselves and they know a little something will help them relax and get into the now. What can do that thing? Alcohol can, like MDMA, or coke. If it’s her first time with something like MDMA, she’ll be apprehensive, but it is an amazing experience: it opens you open to sensation and feeling and induces a kind of euphoria, if it’s paired with another person. Sense of touch becomes heightened.

There are limits to drugs, and don’t take opioids of any sort, ever, except under a doctor’s close supervision for medical reasons. That means heroin but also oxycontin, oxycodone, percocet, and many others (anyone who offers those is not your friend and needs help, but you should also maintain some distance from them). These are hugely addictive and will destroy you. Don’t hang out with people who do opioids of any kind, for any non-prescribed reason. These drugs are genuinely dangerous. In the United States we have a problem in that “drugs” are widely demonized, which makes no sense, because different drugs do wildly different things and have wildly different danger/risk profiles. Like this, a description of MDMA “therapy,” showing how this “party drug” can be deployed for other purposes. Many people find MDMA experiences with friends and lovers to be among the highlights of their life.

The best time for a girl is often that mix of fear and pleasure… a bit of fear/uncertainty/doubt is good (why riding motorcycles is so much fun for her… it’s safe enough while still feeling edgy). Drugs like mdma can do that as well, if you can show the skittish girls the research and demonstrate the substance’s purity, and explain your own experiences with it. Some party girls are pre-sold, but the girls who have never done it will need some time to integrate them into her worldview. Drugs are often like threesomes: girls are curious, but lack the organization, fortitude, and wherewithal to make them happen.

A lot of hot young girls are weird, awkward, and antisocial… a problem arguably becoming worse in the smartphone generation… until they get a little mdma/coke/booze in them, at which point they become more social, and they’re ready to shift from coke to cock. For hot girls, being weird, awkward, and antisocial when sober isn’t a problem, because plenty of guys will approach and escalate them. Such is the power of female privilege, which almost no one talks about.

Psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin aren’t sex drugs in the immediate sense. They’re drugs for opening the mind to different conscious states, and they’re better for girls you’ve already been sleepin with for a while. If the girl has already done them, compare experiences, and also congratulations because she’s telling you she’s a sexually adventurous slut. If she’s not, you can make fun of her being a scared square. In the game terms, girls who have never tried any of these drugs can be made fun of for being square and boring, and never exploring the contents of their own consciousness. It’s a light tease. Ones who have, are identifying themselves as sluts. The corollary is that guys who haven’t experimented have nothing to say–which puts it’s in a the “square” box. Part of the game is riding that edge between where the guy is not so square as to be boring but not so exciting as to be alienating. Where that line is, will exist in different spaces for different girls. I’m also finding girls who are against drugs don’t hold it against you if you frame it properly, and if you otherwise seem like a guy with a functional, good life. The kind of guy who has shit together, but who is also interested in some mind-expanding experiences, is pretty rare. Most people who have done or are interested in drugs are also druggie losers.

Because they’re druggie losers or idiots, it may seem that only girls who are amenable to that kind of thing will be into them. Or they are the stupid hippies in college. Those people can find each other and hook up and so on… but I’m not them and don’t want to mold myself to be them, personally. But the higher-caliber girls who are interested in amazing experiences won’t be obvious.

Today almost anyone can order drugs on the dark web, and test kits on the standard web from Dance Safe. Search for guidelines because they’re out there. If you are willing to read this blog you should be willing to figure some things out for yourself.

The aftermath of an MDMA roll is also important, because some drugs will leave people feeling wrung out and depressed. Whether your girl is one of them depends on you. Some girls are better off being alone and some need to snuggled and told that it’s all right. There’s no algorithm for this situation so you’ll have to feel out on your own which is best for a particular girl. Generally I prefer to separate or at least be in separate rooms during the recovery/hangover phase, if there is one.

Judicious (key word) use / offering of drugs is also almost never discussed among game guys, from what I can tell, and I’m interested in the omissions within the community. This is one. I’m not pro-drug, exactly, but look again at the description of MDMA “therapy.” It’s a better testimonial than any I give. I’ve never read a “field report” that consists of a guy talking about an MDMA-fueled music festival, or club night, or anything like that, which tells me that, again, there are missing pieces in the discourse. What are we here on this planet to do? One answer is, “have top experiences,” and for many people, this is a top experience. If a man can facilitate top experiences for a woman, that woman will bond to him. Most guys can’t, most women can’t really make anything happen, and the intersection of those two things is the dating market.

Here’s one chick’s story about her first time rolling, and the sex it entailed. Guys often can’t get hard on MDMA and girls often can’t come, but the feeling and experience itself is so amazing that neither cares. Sometimes girls can come, and when they can, their experiences often match this chick’s. If you’re aware of other, similar accounts, or want to write your own, please leave them in the comments.

Coffee with a marginal chick, and the sex club multiplier (Keynesian)

Had coffee with a marginal chick, one I used to sleep and go to sex clubs with, cause she’s in town… high 6 for the most of the time I’ve known her, has probably slipped down to a 6 now, but she also wanted to f**k, yet I wasn’t that keen on her. She’d set aside a huge block of time to see me, and, by implication, a huge amount of time in which she’d get f**ked. Setting limits and boundaries with girls is a reversal of the typical order, since girls are usually the ones setting boundaries, delivering “let’s just be friends” (ljbf) talks, etc., but I’ve been thrust into that role numerous times, most often by girls at the lower end of my plausible range, and so I talked to this one before we met up and made my “no sex” excuse, feeling a bit like a chick with an ardorous suitor must. I also had some logistical obstacles that, absent them, I might’ve taken her for an easy tumble, despite things.

What’s off about her? She 1. doesn’t shave/trim her bush adequately and 2. doesn’t like deodorant, for some weird hippie reason. Those things, combined with her weirdo social justice warrior tendencies, contribute to this underlying sensed of fucked-up-ness about her, and contribute to the way she’s forever not able to sustain proper relationships… and she’s the kind of woman who can never realize, or admit to herself, that the big problem is her. Not men. Her SJW/woke ideology blames men for everything and prevents her from looking properly at herself. One secret life superpower is to realize that 90% of whatever’s wrong with your life is due to you, not anyone or anything else. I’d not date her, ever… from my perspective, she’s fine for casual f**king and would be awful for anything else, a perspective I’m sure most other guys share, or come to share. Unless we’re f**king, she can be annoying. She’s not dumb, and if she could fix her personality and her relentlessly inane political/social views, she’d be pretty fun and interesting. Even now, 85% of the time, she’s fun and interesting, and fun to talk to. But the other 15% of the time, kills her overall vibe. The whole red pill / manosphere thing has a similar issue going on, where it’s like 60% correct and useful, but the other 40% consists of conspiracy theories, crazy authoritarian impulses, disdain for and failure to understand women, etc. The 40% guarantees it’ll never break into the mainstream, and it repels a lot of normal guys who aren’t lunatics, who go outside, etc. Which is a shame, but outside of my ability to substantially control/correct. I try to encourage and demonstrate some level of basic sanity and some level of basic connection to reality, but I’m one guy, and the past year has demonstrated informational pathologies in the community.

Back to the girl, a few years ago, we met this couple at a party, the girl an 8, the guy probably a high 7, kept trying to meet up with them but never quite did. They broke up, the girl had a nice little rebound with me, nothing super special, but I’d not have gotten her in the first place without Cassie, and she was fundamental to other adventures as well. I’ve written in a bunch of places that one tolerably attractive girl can be multiplied many times over through non-monogamy. In economics, there’s a concept called, variously, the Keynesian multiplier, the fiscal multiplier, and sometimes other terms. The basic idea is that, during a demand slump in a market cycle, government borrowing of a dollar can result in more than a dollar of economic output, because the demand slump means that supply slackens as well, and those dollars pumped into the economy will, under this theory, boost demand. But by how much? It’s hard to say, and macroeconomists debate the question (interest rates are an important variable too, and supply isn’t infinitely elastic) endlessly, and we’re not going to settle this question here, today. There’s also a p***y multiplier, particularly through sex clubs, in which a guy who has one girl is able to get two or six or more girls, as long as he brings the first one, and as long as she’s a down-ass chick. If you listened to Delicious Tacos’s podcast with Default_Friend and The Personality Girl, you’ll have heard DT make the same point, although I don’t think he’s done sex clubs (could be wrong on that, I’ve not read his whole oeuvre). There’s a distinct gap between guys who have or can get that first girl, and guys who can’t. Guys who can’t are either content being miserable and playing video games, or are trying to move into the “guys who can” category. Cassie is a kind of “multiplier” girl who has value for that reason, and she’s also way into me, because my SMV is higher than hers.

To a female 6 or high 6, I might look like a catch, like I’m within believable striking distance of her. To an 8, I’m fine, and if we mesh well in other ways, she might be very into me, but she’s unlikely to be as into me as a girl at least a point below me is. Cassie’s not quite that into me, maybe cause I’m not that into her. Apart from the SJW stuff, she needs to quit alcohol and probably sugar too… that stuff’ll get a person, particularly as she gets older. Going out with her was probably a waste of time, but I’m not opposed to preserving the option in the future, and, like I said, I do like talking to her, overall. Things don’t work out the way I’d like them to with my situation right now, I could be in a situation in which I’d like to hit a sex club with her… likelihood of that happening is low, 10%?, but not 0. Today I’m also emphasizing her bad qualities, she has many good qualities too, among them, she shows up when she says she’s going to show up. She f**ks when she shows up. She proposes doing things, and we do them. Simple courtesy of that sort, and not being a flake, is sufficiently rare for me to note it as a major positive. So many chicks can’t hold onto relationships because they’re flakey.

Re: burning leads, Redpill dad has a story about the value of not burning leads, a story that’s consistent with many of my own adventures and experiences. Guys are forever making ego-driven moves that cause them to pointlessly burn leads. A lot of guys, when they simply stop making so damn many mistakes, see a decent level of success, just from avoiding normal stupidity. Get a virtuous p***y cycle going and good things will happen.

Doing it differently (Playing the long game)

Xbtusd is back, with another essay about how top guys think about dating and pursue non-monogamy.

I just got word from a long term threesome partner, Anna, that she will be in town in a few weeks, and we scheduled a date. My relationship with Anna makes me think about how different RQ’s experiences are from mine, and how different mine are from the average guy. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into Anna, planting a seed and nurturing it as it grew. When the pandemic struck, Anna moved to another city to ride it out with her boyfriend. During lockdown, the four of us played online games together. When I went out of the country for the winter to a surf destination to escape covid winter, I kept in touch regularly via IG, commenting on her life and sharing mine with her. A lot of red pill commenters would probably say this is “beta,” or “soft”, or “cucked.” Is it? I don’t know, or really care. Human relationships are worth creating and maintaining for their own sake; treat people as instruments and you will become an instrument to them, to be discarded when your use is fulfilled. I don’t like fucking women I don’t know well and connect with as a person. Sex gets better the deeper you connect, not to mention that women need to trust you to fully to let go and have the best sexual experience possible. Want to fuck a girl in the ass? Tie her up? Cum on her face? Treating her like you like her helps, but liking her is exponentially better. 

I first met Anna years ago at a sex party. She and her boyfriend invited my girlfriend and I to fuck. We instead invited them to watch us fuck, and ended up spending a lot of time talking to them throughout the night. We made out a little, watched them fuck, but took it slow. This slow speed was unusual for the type of party I was at, but I wasn’t feeling their energy at first and wanted to get to know them better. Her boyfriend had recently moved to another city and was just in town for the party, so the four of us have never hooked up together. 

Right now, I’m also in the process of scheduling a date with a woman I dated years ago, Rose, who is now engaged. She and her fiance are non monogamous, so there was always an understanding that she’d be allowed to sleep with other men. Since then I’ve become friends with her fiancé, who is great, and Rose and I go on dates from time to time. Rose and I only started sleeping together again two years after she’d started dating her partner. I kept investing in the relationship because I wanted to sleep with her again, sure, I’m a guy, but also because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. She eventually proposed a threesome with her current fiance but I wasn’t feeling it. When Rose and I have date nights, we often facetime her fiance together so he feels included. I don’t get stuck in axiomatic thinking. I’m trying to get people to examine hilarious knee-jerk reactions that are at beginner level, red pill bullshit. If I’m living a fulfilling life, why call names? The desire to label others keeps the labeler frozen at the beginning levels. 

There’s a distinct difference between what I’m suggesting and pining away for a girl who is never going to fuck you (i.e. the dreaded friend zone): if you want sex and you realize she’s never going to go in that direction, accept it, and talk to new girls. However, investing in lots of female relationships will often bear fruit (as will investing in genuine friendships with men). As you have more unconventional experiences and relationship configurations, you start to see that trying to create win-win scenarios can produce very high long term ROI. Your perspective will shift. Your sense of the nature of sex culture will shift. I don’t care that much about variety, so what I’m proposing might not be attractive to everyone. But having girls who want to fuck you over many years, who are down to go to sex parties with you, have private sex parties with you, and do unconventional shit, takes investment. It takes time. It takes building trust. It takes reciprocity. The higher the trust the more likely you will have really incredible, outside of the norm experiences. As you have these experiences, they show you what’s possible, allowing you to understand what women want, and what you can offer that’s a compelling proposition. The more of these types of situations you’re in, the easier it is to brainstorm unusual arrangements that might hit the sweet spot on the venn diagram of what all parties involved want/need to get to a yes.

As RQ would say, there are levels to this game: 99% of the time, if you’re new to TRP, the advice—to not put chicks on a pedestal, don’t play the long game, don’t pine for some chick who you are “friends” with but secretly want to fuck—is extremely effective. But if you ignore the long game, and demand that a chick either sleep with you quickly or you’re out, you’ll rarely see what’s possible at the higher levels of game. Many chicks aren’t going to sleep with a guy immediately, and, if she does, she’ll frequently put him in the “casual sex’ category, and never want to sleep with him again.

In many ways, RQ’s levels align with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

Discussion/pattern level.

  • Self Actualization
    • FMF threesomes, BDSM, sex parties etc.
    • Women as members of a group but also evaluating them as individuals. We are both at once. Not all women are alike, though one can see patterns among them.
  • Psychological Needs
    • The evolutionary biology discussion:
      • Learning long-term patterns of attraction, behavior, and incentives for men and women.
      • Field reports and testing the theory in real life.
    • The (better) Reddit red pill discussion is about the need for men to: 
      • Improve diet, lifting, socializing, etc. 
      • Eliminate negative influences like video games, porn, TV, etc. 
      • Learning to approach and accept that women like sex and have sexual criteria. 
  • Physiological Needs/Safety Needs
    • A foggy mixture of confusion, hostility, admiration, and uncertainty:
      • “happy wife, happy life.” 
      • “What do women want?”
      • “I don’t understand why she did this thing.”
      • “She says she wants a nice guy but only dates assholes.” 
      • Putting women on a pedestal. 
    • Women are evil demons and shrieking harpies and just trying to shake men down for money. This is the “anger phase” that men who discover cheating, men with f**ked up lives, men who have suffered through the divorce and “family” law court system, etc. are facing. Most women aren’t trying to shake men down for money, but money and economic resources are a real consideration for women, because those things point to a man with a functional life who can provide for children. 

A lot of the perspectives you have at the beginning of the pyramid will change as you move from serving basic needs to exploring what’s possible at the outer bounds of what men have access to. It’s the difference between working at McDonald’s and being a scientist working on the human project. Long-term thinking can be crucial to success in the self-actualization phase, and self-actualization generally demands positive-sum relationships. A scarcity mindset leads to zero-sum relationships that aren’t as generative as they should be. The question I ask myself is: Are some of my investments a result of clinging to a scarcity mindset and my own limiting beliefs about my ability to bring more high quality women into my life? Unsure, but currently trying to fill the top of the funnel with some amazing women this summer.


Xbtusd’s other essays for Red Quest are here.

“The [male] feminist”

The [male] feminist” is solid reading about a guy who needs a dad or uncle or male cousin to take him aside and tell him to stop being a p***y. Much of what we perceive as social or gender dysfunction is actually, at its heart, family dysfunction and disintegration, and, because of families are smaller and more fractured than they used to be, we don’t know how to become adults, which usually also means “how to become a man” or “how to become a woman.” “The [male] feminist” is most notable for the absence in it, because there’s no mention of this guy’s father or uncle. Where are they? Does his uncle not exist? why not?

There used to be a guy who kept a blog named Goldmund, for example, who, whatever his flaws, talked a lot about his older male relatives and how they influenced his development. Unfortunately his blog has been effectively abandoned… but he’s one of the few guys I’ve seen talk seriously about family and family influence. A lot of “how to be a man” and “how to be a woman” are best conveyed by aunts, uncles, older cousins, those relationships. Default_friend tweeted the other day that she learns a lot from her mom and grandma (can’t find the tweet at the moment), which may help explain why she thinks modern feminism is re/tarded. Camille Paglia writes about the same in her books and essays, about the vital role extended family play in development.

Who or what replaces family? Schools, bureaucracies, ideologies. Except none of those replacements work, it’s like trying to live off McDonald’s and fast food: even if you’re technically alive, you’re barely living. In “The [male] feminist,” the guy absorbs an ideology pitched by power-hungry bureaucrats. The story is exaggerated for effect, I understand that, but normal guys, as they get older, they understand how to discard bullshit that doesn’t work. Even the pathetic snake guys who embrace “I am a feminist” as a way to get laid in high school or college, almost always quit at some point. You get old enough to see an ideology doesn’t work, you quit it. The most interesting part of many stories isn’t what’s in them, but what’s missing.

Chicks aren’t attracted to vulnerability, and the story’s narrator goes around with his belly exposed to every chick he runs into. Chicks like guys they can be vulnerable with, but not guys who are vulnerable. Or the guy is vulnerable is a minor way, like, “I am afraid of heights.” Or maybe, “My ex was super hot but also hurt me badly.” Your hot ex (social proof) hurt you, and now I, a lady, can heal you with my magic pussy? That’s minor vulnerability. Major vulnerability is something like outright incompetence. Competence is attractive to women, which is why effective men work so hard to develop it.

Lots of red pill guys get that masculinity is earned, not given, and that’s why so many primitive tribes have intense male initiation rituals. Femininity is given, not earned, just by going through puberty. That power must be learned to be wielded well, to be sure, but it’s there by showing up… something the male feminist in the story misses.

I don’t remember how the exact conversation went, but Short Dancer admitted that she slept with an incompetent guy her age (who I knew slightly) right before I started f**king her. The guy got her by virtue of proximity and luck, but he lacked masculinity identity and had no one, from what I can tell, to teach him about it. Then I got with Short Dancer, who was diplomatic, but also basically said that he lacked adequate aggression and masculinity. I thought the guy was okay, and if I’d been able to see a way to help him I would have, but, due to some other circumstances, there was no real way to do so. Maybe losing Short Dancer to an older, more masculine guy taught him something important. He seemed like a guy who might identify as a male feminist, although I never heard him actually do so.

Continue reading ““The [male] feminist””

A guy screws up a potential foursome with his endless monologuing

My then-girlfriend and I were propositioned by this couple, and it might have gone through, except for the guy’s personality. We met this couple outside of the open relationship and non-monogamy community because they lived near us and shared some common habits: the girl was a hot European, probably a high 8. We’d encountered them repeatedly, in the neighborhood, and they were friendly and normal at first… the guy also helped us find a small bit MDMA, which is nice). One night we were all drinking a bit and actually getting to know each other, as opposed to idle chitchat. It’s hard to describe the exact feeling, and nothing physical changed, but over the course of the night I felt the energy shift from “normal and friendly” to “this is more than friendly.” I’m sure my girlfriend felt the shift too, as she’d been sufficiently immersed in this world to know.

I wasn’t totally opposed to to the potential foursome (did I mention the girl is stunning?), but, even though my girlfriend and I could feel the sexual interest, the other guy couldn’t shut up. When we were all hanging out, he’d embark on these endlessly long rambles and tangents. Not sharing the conversation is one of my partner’s huge pet peeves, and she’s been annoyed at work when guys talk over her or try to talk over her, and she’d complained repeatedly and vociferously about guys who monologue. Just like this guy was doing. Sharing the conversation is a fundamental aspect of social skills, and this other guy wasn’t doing it. If a person is going to monologue, they better have Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld levels of story quality. This guy didn’t.

From what I could distil, they both had super interesting life stories, but we couldn’t extract those life stories, or hear them… I was thinking of the guy when I wrote Curiosity leads to sexual freedom… and threesomes… and storytelling, although he’s not the only one who’s had this problem.

Continue reading “A guy screws up a potential foursome with his endless monologuing”

Girls talking about their friend’s open relationship: It’s happening

The other day I’m in a mezzanine above the gym’s snack bar, and below me there are four chicks, one of them loudly describing her friend’s open relationship. Friends’s open relationship, more accurately, cause she knows, and the others there appear to know, this couple who are in an open relationship, and the girl talking in the snack bar says the guy is busy f**king a bunch of girls… and the girl is bisexual and also f**king a bunch of girls. The other three girls’s reactions is the most interesting part: one seems to be generally positive or approving of the situation. Another chick seems to be generally hostile and disapproving, and is trying to establish the consensus that the open relationship “is not okay,” to use girl terminology. Personally I prefer old-school Christian terminology like “they are damned” or “they are disobeying the will of God” or “they are sinners” instead of the new-school, wishy-washy, California SJW terminology like “not okay,” but, whatever, you call someone a heresiarch these days and everyone else looks at you funny. The other girl listening seems neutral, or is not loudly expressing her view of the situation. The speaker seems lightly positive, like she’s the teacher educating the others on the nuts and bolts of open relationships, and how this couple is doing it. Now, class, what is the square root of three?

On Twitter, I’ve been linking to articles discussing open relationships, sex clubs, and other aspects of non-monogamy, with the statement, “It’s happening:” I repeat “It’s happening” because it is happening, ready or not, and these girls are a small but real piece of evidence regarding the shift. Guys who want to be maximally successful should think about how the shift to non-monogamy might affect them and their game. I’m not saying all guys should do sex clubs (in fact I say the opposite in the free book), but guys should at a minimum be aware of it. Talk to enough girls and you’re going to run into girls who’re doing it, or interested. If you like hedonistic adventurous girls like I do, talking about your time in sex clubs will attract and intrigue them (you’ll be different from other guys).

This was an overheard conversation not so much notable for its basic content but for it happening at all. Word is spreading. It also showcased female group dynamics (remember: social life is primarily a team sport), because the girls were trying to establish consensus and sway the group… the hostile girl wanted the group to be hostile, the approving girl wanted its approval, and the neutral girl might end up being the deciding vote. Because I know you’re wondering, only one is attractive (the quiet one, but you knew that already too) and the other three are overweight. Does that change how you envision the situation?

I’d have a threesome with him. What, you wouldn’t? What do you mean, this hat makes me look like a slut? I saw that rope tattoo on your lower back.

Xbtusd on the “price” of sex, and how guys pay it

Default_friend predicts “The coming wave of sex negativity“, which is another way of saying, “Women will try to lower the ‘market price’ of sex by reducing supply”, and xbtusd has some thoughts about how that interacts with the “sex positivity” movement, to the extent it really exists, and most of this post is his:

There’s an embargo on saying “not all sex is good for women,” that you can think critically about how sex affects women, without being right wing or “sex negative.” It therefore becomes easy to be discredited as “not getting it” if you make any critiques of women’s sexual choices (and, perhaps, by implication, the choices of men). Because of the rules of liberal discourse, only women can weigh in on this debate in most media platforms; fortunately, you are not reading “most media platforms” right now. The women-only rule silences 50% of the population, and any woman who doesn’t agree with the pro-sex feminist take gets lumped in with the anti-sex religious nuts. A clever strategy, and yet it hurts us all when we can’t have honest conversations.

I think Default_Friend sees that discourse vacuum as harmful to women, and, simultaneously, that the narrative asserting “more and more sex for women is the only way to be empowered” is disingenuous. She’d like to see that conversation evolve: I feel like she’s pretty coherent in her worldview and consistent in her challenges to the current feminist narrative. She’d likely agree women are the worst slut shamers, and she’d understand why.

Continue reading “Xbtusd on the “price” of sex, and how guys pay it”

Delicious Tacos talks to Personality Girl and Default Friend about getting laid and other things

Personality Girl and Default Friend have a hilarious podcast with Delicious Tacos, a podcast covering many topics, including how women don’t (maybe can’t) understand what life and horniness as a man is like, alcoholism, writing, groupies, face, sociopathy, work, and Houellbecq (the key philosopher of the last 50 years, no one else who hasn’t done pr0n counts). My replies are disjoint and won’t make sense without listening to the podcast.

Hot, emotionally mature girls aren’t on the market much and aren’t drunk or snorting coke. Guys with alcohol or substance abuse problems are attracting girls who will accept those, and it’s dangerous to draw conclusions from that biased sample… I try not to generalize too much about women based on the women I’ve been with in the last ten years, because most of them are at the very least curious about or accepting of non-monogamy, while women who want a conventional family and children aren’t going to put up with that shit. Delicious Tacos lives in L.A. (all the normal girls stay out of California). The conversation is a very big city conversation, cause normal girls who want a husband and family live in the midwest, or Texas, or Florida, or any place that it’s possible to live a middle-class existence and have a family… they’re not in the big famous cities. That’s where the sluts are, and the people who can’t afford to have kids, so they might as well do all sorts of weird sex things. I’m one of them, I’m talking about my own here, but I’ve also spent lots of time in smaller cities where women in their 20s walk around with their children in strollers and their husbands next to them. Most of them are 10 – 40 lbs overweight, which is gross, but that’s where they are.

Despite all that I have a piece coming up in the next month or two about how I was dumb to not have figured out mdma earlier in my life, cause, used judiciously, that’s where many of the easy lays are. Lots of hot chicks lack personality, or drive, or the ability to admit the sex they want and get it, and need some external aid to get there. Trying to talk to a lot of hot girls age 18 – 24 isn’t easy, cause their knowledge base consists of inane gossip and an interest in drinking and drugs. That’s it. It’s hard to build commonality from that. Solution? A lot of conversation that uses The Game + insinuations of drinking/drugs now, or in times to come. I should’ve learned this earlier… in many ways I’m a slow learner.

Very true: pussy begets more pussy. Absolutely. Sex clubs are apotheosis of this. DT gets this. He says something like, the difference between 0 pussy and 1 pussy is a million times greater than 1 and 2, and pretty much everything in game is about moving from 0 to 1. Red Quest might be less interesting cause it’s mostly about moving from 2 to a million, via sex clubs + non-monogamy.

Agree that guys who get a lot fuck a lot of chicks, almost all of varying quality levels.

Delicious Tacos should get a counseling degree and do counseling for men. He’d be great at it, and he’d get out of the corporate grind office job, become more of a prophet than he already is. I’d refer guys to him. “You want to get laid, get your life in order? Talk to this guy, Delicious Tacos.” Would he be popular, though? Most therapists seem to need to take 20 sessions to get to the obvious, because they have to wait for the person they’re talking to to get to the idea on their own… I think Delicious Tacos would be like, “Your family’s fucked up, go learn the deadlift, and get in touch with your feelings that way.” If more guys mastered the deadlift and pullup we’d have less need for therapy.

His voice is peculiarly similar to mine, as are many of his life experiences, although I’ve never had alcohol or substance abuse problems… although I have been accused of being a sex addict (DT discusses “sex addicts” on the podcast). I don’t think I am, though, because I usually have some standards, and after I get my fill I go read a book or whatever.

He says that he used to get groupies when he showed his face… but then he sadly got doxxed… I’ve speculated to other guys that, to build a bigger following it’s necessary to show some proof-of-lay and become a public figure. Krauer and Tom Torero did that. Andy from Kill Your Inner Loser has done the same. I don’t think I care enough to want to take red quest to the next level that way, but it’s useful to hear ideas echoed. Like Balaji says, “we’re going to need to build a pseudonymous economy, where over the medium to long term, you separate out your real name, your earning name, and your speaking name. And in fact, you have multiple earning names and multiple speaking games, just like you have multiple usernames at different sites.” Balaji goes on,

Continue reading “Delicious Tacos talks to Personality Girl and Default Friend about getting laid and other things”

Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it

The Graphic Designer Who Hates Making the First Move is a universal story of a woman who can’t or won’t make the first move: she finds a guy she likes, “I think he’s cute and wish he’d just make the move and ask me out. I don’t get it.” Why doesn’t she make the first move? She doesn’t say. About another guy, she says, “I could ask him out myself, but I really want someone to take the lead and I want to be pursued.” Despite what you’ve heard from feminist teachers in schools, despite the bullshit you may have imbibed from the media, women are passive and won’t make the first move. As a man, it’s your job to make it, and it will almost certainly remain your job as long as men and women exist. Eggs are expensive and sperm is cheap, so, if you’re a man reading this, you’re going to need to be the actor, not the acted upon.

Sure, you may have heard women say “Ew, I can’t believe that guy hit on me.” Guess what? She’s making a female social power play, by saying that she’s so desirable and popular that she routinely rejects guys. That’s her game when she says something like that. Or, she considered the guy to be below her level (this always happens). The other day, I was walking along a strip of bars near me, and there was this woman, cute, wearing an outfit that was like 55% business / 45% T&A, skirt that was almost too short, tits almost hanging out too much, and I opened her with, I don’t know, something about business, something about the time of day, and she said something like, “Ew, no.” Or maybe just “No,” I don’t remember exactly, but it was an uncommonly cold rejection, particularly for a woman dolled up like she was.

And it doesn’t matter, the rejection, I mean.

Continue reading “Chicks want you to make the first move, so do it”