Anything you read about dating in the legacy media is about weirdo outliers

Normal, reasonable people don’t have the weird, bizarre sex and dating problems that legacy media outlets are continually writing about: the point comes up because of a foolish advice column from a woman to a woman, titled “Why Isn’t Anyone Sliding Into My DMs?!” I’m not going to do a link because however dumb you think the material might be from the title, it’s dumber. I used to write analyses of this class of dumb article but then I was like… “Why?” Why bother? It’s pure entertainment, with no more bearing on reality than novels about dragons and swords.

The media is almost entirely made by people who are abnormally self-aggrandizing, self-regarding, grandiose, entitled, and/or narcissistic people… and those people are trying to make money in a shrinking, shrieking, deranged industry. Almost all of the dumbest stuff comes from NYC, too, I think because of the extreme gender skew there… college-educated women far outnumber men in the NYC metro area, creating an environment in which women have to compete much harder for men than they do elsewhere. The high cost of housing, because of legal constraints imposed by the city on building more housing also means that most people feel they can’t afford to have families, so they might as well f**k around a lot instead.[1] Women get pushed towards spinsterdom, because so few guys can afford the cost of an okay family housing unit. Normal girls in normal places, like Denver or Dallas or wherever, who want boyfriends, get them, and don’t have the constant struggle some NYC chicks do.

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“Tone” and “teasing” are hard to nail

I was reading some of Juggler’s book, which, like BradP’s, is very good, but as I was reading it I kept thinking about how hard things like tone and teasing are to nail. So many little things comprise “tone”… micro-expressions, micro-aspects of body language, subtle parts of the voice’s timbre… all these things matter, and should be put together effectively, for a guy to succeed. The number of romantically ineffective guys out there shows that this isn’t happening, despite the knowledge of how to make it happen being widely available. Juggler says, “I used to smile wrong. I would spot an attractive woman, make eye contact with her and then smile full-tilt. My expression jumped from dour to grinning in a split second. This came across as forced and awkward and kept me celibate for years.” I doubt it was only the smile that kept Juggler “celibate for years,” but I’m sure it contributed… people, particularly women, are highly attuned to interpersonal vibe, and highly attuned to people whose vibes are “off” somehow, as many guys’s are… we get many years of schooling in math, reading, etc., and almost no formal schooling in how to interact with other people.

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How to turn a woman off: be weak and indecisive

Women hate weak men: I’m leading with that generalization because a friend’s girl went out with a guy who kept asking her if this was okay, if that was okay, if what he said was okay, etc. With seemingly everything he said and did, he needed direct, explicit feedback from her indicating that what he was acceptable. Women, though, want guys who know how to lead and who can read a woman and understand where she’s at regarding him, and there’s also something to be said for being a guy who does what he wants and doesn’t appear to care what other people think, in a socially calibrated way. Paying attention to the woman’s tone, affect, and body language isn’t that hard to do.

The girl said her date’s behavior was a huge turn-off to her. He’d become the pathetic male feminist, who listens to what the NYT writes and what NPR says, and thus understands nothing about what or who actual women want. He didn’t f**k that night, and he should read Red Quest instead of the hyperwoke NYT. Don’t pay attention to what people say, pay attention to what they do. Regarding women, pay attention especially to who they do: it’s not the woke male feminists.

But, there is some danger in reading the paragraph above, because the exact opposite of the “is this okay?” guy isn’t right, either. It’s not like that guy, or any guy, should ignore everything about a woman’s preferences. Being boorish is wrong, most of the time, with most women. There’s an in-between state that is optimal: women love it when guys can “read” them and get them. If she’s on a date with you, chances are she’s more into you than not. Getting to this state of being bold and decisive without being overbearing is key, and in some ways this post elaborates on The top player (seducer) is an extreme insider or an extreme outsider, but not average.

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How Richard Hanania used The Game and evolutionary biology to overcome anxiety

It’s a story consistent with things you’ve read here on Red Quest, although few people probably want to “constantly troll people, and get them to hate you with a passion.” Instead of trolling people and getting them to hate you, it might be better to try and be right, and to grow, but the most interesting parts concern Hanania’s introduction to THE GAME, which goes beyond the game…

While in college, I read The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. The author was Neil Strauss, a journalist who as a New York Times columnist had achieved some level of professional success but had bad luck in his dating life. He started out by doing research on the “seduction community,” a group of men that in the early days of the internet got together to figure out how to meet and attract women

THE GAME is still the introduction many of us have to the game. Evolutionary biology underlies the game…

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The most powerful “privilege” is hot girl privilege, which is everywhere

A hot girl, “Heather,” moves in nearby: I chat with her because she’s hot (obviously), and I believe in fire & maneuver, or the practice of continually being in the game… a theme consistent with A lot of guys are pussies, but that means opportunity for the few who aren’t. People who succeed usually succeed because they are consistently doing things right, every day, and building towards their goals.

Heather seems receptive. I run into her a few times, and find out that she’s broken up with her boyfriend and moved out of his place, which is off in a boring suburb. She doesn’t know anyone… somewhere in the beginning she mentions that she finds guys easier to get along with. Mentally, I infer that, like a lot of hot girls, her real social skills are poor, and, because she is hot, she finds it easy to attract guys who want to f**k her, but who are too pussy to make a move, into her outer orbit, where those guys offer her attention but don’t have a real shot at f**king her.

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The saddest paragraph you’ll read today

A few weeks later, I drove a friend’s rented camper van from New York to Los Angeles, as a favor. I ended up staying in California for six months. Days would pass without anyone asking where I was or what I was doing, and I turned more of my attention to Feeld. It was an old strategy: when life doesn’t deliver on a promised expectation, I look for alternatives, and what I found on this app seemed like an alternative to the fantasy of family I was letting go of. “Feeld is for a new type of human,” Dimo Trifonov, the app’s founder, once wrote. “A human belonging to a new world, one of creativity, openness, respect and exploration.” This was one way to make my unwanted future tolerable, to at least make it interesting for myself: to pretend that there was such a possibility as a new kind of person in a new kind of world.

This is a woman who’s hitting her forties, her fertility dwindling, and the best thing she can think to do is…hook up with random couples on an iPhone app, so she can be their sexual plaything for a bit? She’s totally unmoored and disconnected from human society and doesn’t try to moor herself to anyone, or anything. She drifts, lonesomely, towards old age. The whole article is written like this, and it’s titled, “A Hookup App for the Emotionally Mature: Modern romance can feel cold and alienating.” Ha. “Emotionally mature?” Is she high?

Honey, you are not “emotionally mature,” and Feeld is for horny people to f**k. Emotionally mature people form real relationships and have families. Emotionally stunted women are in their 40s and still can’t form relationships.

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Life as a one-way function 

In the later seasons of MAD MEN, Don gets a hot secretary, Megan, and then up and promptly marries her.[1] Whether this is a good or poor idea is left up to the reader, but Megan wants to be an actress, like so many hot chicks who crave attention, and Don sets her up to be a copywriter, then an actress, and, because this is TV, she succeeds: Don Draper magic works (what? it’s a TV show). Her “career” suddenly becomes important. She and Don plan on moving to LA for her acting career. Don later decides he can’t go, but that Megan should go anyway. She becomes a glamorous LA woman. When Don arrives in LA, he doesn’t fit in with her life any more; she’s outgrown him, or grown in a direction orthogonal to him. In one of their last real interactions, she sets up a threesome for him, but it’s a melancholy, goodbye threesome, not a fun, life-affirming threesome. “Enjoy it,” Megan seems to be saying, “because we’re done, and this is a parting gift.”

Don thinks he’s going to show up in LA and Megan is going to be his… but she’s not. She’s not the girl, the secretary, he first met. You can’t turn a famous actress back into a secretary just hitting the big city for the first time, not when you have made her into something impossible to achieve for most women. In programming we call those “one-way functions:” easy to compute but difficult or impossible to reverse (without them, all you crypto HODLers would be hosed). Turning a secretary into a famous actress is a one-way function: she’ll never be the same, even though Don would like her to be. He can’t swoop in and have “her” again. He’ll never be the same in her eyes, because she’s changed, and been exposed to numerous high-status men. Don can have sex with her, but she’s become an actress, and the sex is sex, not her life. Sophistication goes up, rarely down. 

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What does a serious society look like? What does a serious movement look like?

The Case for American Seriousness is a great work that explains what’s wrong with many currents in American society, including the abortion discourse right now. As of June 2022, abortion is the current thing, replacing Ukraine, which was the current thing a few months ago. Last year, the current thing might’ve been the Jan. 6 attempted coup event. Before that, the election. Before that, the “defund the police” and “black lives matter” protests/riots. Before that, it was “immigrants welcome here.” I don’t entirely remember what else happened, but in 2016 it was an election.

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Woman is honest: Men being too explicit and asking permission for sex is a turn off

A chick named Jordana, of the “U Up?” podcast, admits what players and all women know: a guy who waits around and doesn’t make any moves isn’t attractive to women. A guy explicitly asking a woman to consent to sex is a turn-off. Women are creatures of indirection and uncertainty, and they live in the land of “maybe,” and they want a story for themselves and others about how whatever happened sexually “just happened.” Women don’t want to take responsibility for their sex lives. They want to get offers and say “yes” or “no” to them in the moment it’s happening, and that’s it. Jordana takes about 35 minutes of beating around the bush while talking to the guy to get to the main point: despite feminism, despite her progressive politics, despite her political beliefs… she wants the guy to make the move. She finds him asking her explicitly for sex to be a turnoff.

The strange thing isn’t that this is true… the strange thing is that she’s willing to admit it, publicly.

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