Whoops. Last weekend. Backsliding in game.

Went to a private party two Saturday nights ago, intending to see some friends and leave. Said party was much larger than I thought it would be, with fewer people who I knew, but enough that I could do a lot of chitchat and set merges. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman I’ve f**ked a few times before, not recently (last time was two years ago?) and have also hung out with apart from f**king. She looks very good for her age, late 30s, with a high 7 body (must have been boy-slender while she was younger, so she has grown into her body, as some very thin chicks do) and a less-good high 5 / low 6 face. Her body looked very good in her lingerie bodysuit… we got around to talking, very close together, a lot of eye f**king, and then I asked if I could kiss her (necessary in that environment). She said yes and it progressed straightaway from there, into kissing, groping, me spanking her vigorously… despite some wrist/elbow problems, that I foolishly ignored in the moment, with her getting more and more into it, me getting more into it, moving her by her hair, having her go down on me to get me hard, then me bringing her onto a bed for a minute. It was very on, and we f**ked on the bed, then I put her on a spanking bench and really let rip.

I don’t mean to brag, but I railed this girl harder than Amtrak. I also caught that mystical moment when you’re pleasurably f**king the girl, you’re totally engaged, but you’re not moving too much towards orgasm and can control the flow. We probably f**ked hard. I believe she had one clitoral orgasm with her fingers, then, while she was on the spanking bench (not this sex bench but in the same neighborhood), and I felt off, and she then had a full-body g-spot vaginal orgasm. I think the spanking bench was key because she could relax the tension in her entire body and let her weight be distributed along her shins, knees, and torso, with just her p***y opening available at the end for me to rail. And I could hold her by the neck, hair, or hips… having her by the back of the neck seemed to do it for her, so I did that. Maybe she got a little bit of choking sensation from the weight.

I almost came from her clitoral orgasm, but I managed not to by slowing my speed and even holding still while she spasmed. Then, as her p***y began to relax again, I started going again. I asked her if it was too much and she said no, and sure enough I could not outlast her more intense orgasm. It felt like hours passed, but realistically it was probably like 10 minutes, maybe 13 – 15… 10 minutes of extreme exertion… not quite like sprinting (no one can sprint for 10 straight minutes), yet still enough to be physically exhausting. I know about the hours thing, because I have checked the tape and seen that what can feel like an hour turns out to be six minutes or something (chicks will also posit that we were at it for like an hour, but time stamps don’t lie to either of us). I have even asked chicks… “How long was that?” “30 minutes.” Then the tape shows that it was like 6 or 7 minutes… you cannot trust people on the subject of sex. Even if we don’t mean to lie, we lie.

When this chick, I will call her Skinny Minnie, and I finished we lolled together for a while, very much in our own world. Other people instinctively and intelligently let us be. It felt like we were in that post-sex bonding high state for many hours, but, again, I’m sure it was in reality far shorter than that.

I admire women in the 35 – 50 range who haven’t given up… there could be a lot more women who still have some sexual allure in that age range, but they don’t because they love sugar, simple carbs, and drinking more than they love sex, sensuality, and connection. Obviously no 40 year old woman is going to be as attractive as a hot 20 year old woman, but many of them could still have something going for them if they weren’t lazy and undisciplined. Saying this is like complaining about the weather, as I’m not going to change it, but my admiration for those who don’t let themselves morph into jabba the hut and then blame it on their kid or their job has gone up.

I theorize that Skinny Minnie and I were just familiar enough with each other to have great sex, but not so familiar as to be bored. We’d just gotten over the unfamiliar to familiar line and could thus relax into the f**king. The only regret is the condom, though it was necessary given the circumstances. The great sex may have had nothing to do with familiar/defamiliar and it might just be one of those things that happens if you go at it enough times and keep honing your skills.

For someone who probably has annoying feminist political views and who probably hates children, I like Skinny Minnie a lot. Online life is disfiguring our ability to hang out, bond with other people, and not go into paroxysms of bullshit over every relatively minor political thing that happens. I’m talking to you too, angry Red Pill guys.

On Sunday (a little less than two weeks ago now), I went to a more sedate event… and this girl was there! Unbelievable. She was also there with another couple, who we met together. We talked some, but she has had some tumultuous life events and problems that I don’t want to enumerate because they are very specific to her. I was so so hot for her at first… I have pictures that make you think she’s a high 9 and pictures that could make you think she’s a high 6. Angles and lighting, man. I was so hot for her when I first laid, and now I can barely remember why. Some chicks, when body and mind are very appealing to me, I can stay very attracted for a very long time (e.g. Short Dancer).

Strangely, I feel bad on the net about that weekend, because it moved me further away from my “long range” goals. I also ate a piece of bread and some pasta at the event on Sunday, against paleo principles… eating wrongly is interesting because a very small amount of wrong goes a very long way for me… when I have slipped in the past, I have felt substantially worse than I typically do, yet with very little slippage. I can’t fathom the typical people (fatties, mostly) who eat all this sugar and feel like shit 98% of the time. That could explain why so many people are f**king c**ts.

I wasn’t congruent between short term and long term goals. I can likely “get away” with it in some sense, but that is not a good way to think if you want to build lasting, purpose-driven relationships. Most people WILL notice incongruence over time. That is also the basis for some of my view in relationships with women, like, it is good to trust but verify… so you basically trust her, but if you have the opportunity, double check. She says she’s with her best friend Tuesday night, so next time you see the friend, “Tell me about Tuesday.” Does the best friend know what you mean right away?

She’s working late, so you bring her a snack without warning… you walk in, drop it off quickly, and leave. Is she happy to see you? What’s her body language like with her coworker? Etc. Is her behavior congruent with what she says? Contrary to what you read among angry Red Pillers, most women are pretty congruent, once they are established in a relationship. But it is also a good idea to keep the temperature of the congruence… is she suddenly developing new “guy friends?” Is her relationship first? Is what she wants and what you want the same? Does she say she wants a family but doesn’t behave that way? Does she say she wants to party but you can tell she wants a family? These are all things to think about.

Then there are other forms of incongruence. Does she try to put on a smart/intelligent face but is actually dumb? Is she actually pretty smart but trying to appear dumb? Probably no one, myself included, is 100% consistent and congruent, but it is good to keep your eye on the gauges and note when one is out of whack. Smart chicks are of course doing the same to you, and if you are not living the way you say you are, she will notice.

I don’t think very many people are totally hit blind and without warning about the various ways relationships break down… if you listen to your internal senses, without being paranoid, and run little spot checks… you can figure out what’s up. It’s true that there are a lot of social retards out there in the Internet, who can’t do this, and then bad things happen to them… but most of us need to cultivate our own instincts. If we do that, many problems can be prevented or foreseen, and prepared for. Many men today also do not fundamentally understand that no relationships is automatically permanent… she can leave at any time… once you have internalized this idea, you will structure your life accordingly.

Skinny Minnie… she doesn’t have the best face but her body is still doing well. There is another girl, I’ll call her Blondie, who I slept with for a while four or five years ago… she was curvy (in a genuine, good way) with a flat stomach… not very bright but very attractive, very sexual. So good in bed. Probably a low 8. Maybe mid 8 (then). Now… high 5? Low 6? I saw her again recently, and she is one for whom the idea of the wall was invented. Just shocking degradation, and without having had a kid, over a short period of time. Skinnie Minnie is older but has better discipline (I think) as well as a better body type for aging. Some girls also really know how to f**k and be f**ked, and Skinnie Minnie is one of them.

So that was the weekend before last. Last weekend (six days ago now), I went to a friend’s party that had some elements similar to the prior weekend… but almost no one of interest. One pretty 22-year-old freak (which I like and say in a positive way) who doesn’t shave under her arms (HUGE turnoff to me) was interested… I’ve run into her before… interest is low due to hair issue. It’s a real shame because she’s a solid high 7 if she shaves properly and normally. Watching an attractive woman sexually neuter herself is f**king painful.

Another woman was there who was I just not into… she’s like 43 or 45 or something and is in not bad shape for her age, but to me she’s just not of sexual interest. Drop five or seven years and I think she’d be in the acceptable ballpark. Another couple was asking me what I think of the woman, and I was like, “She’s just not my type.” They kept going, “Why?” I didn’t want to say, “Too old and beat up,” even though that’s the answer… they know it, and I know it, and they know I know. Everyone knows why I wasn’t interested, but in this atmosphere it’s dangerous to admit, “I want the hot chicks not the other ones.” Particularly for casual liaisons. I bet this woman was SMOKING hot when she was 22. She has nice interpersonal energy, bubbly personality, but I feel bad for her… no kids, still trying to make it happen, not getting there. Too many fatties at the party in general… almost all of them were the kind of people who make you think, “With a little bit of discipline and time in the gym you could raise your value a lot.” Something that was true of both the men and the women, by the way. Too much of a freakshow for me, overall, although two of the guys there have basically set up a club/party ecosystem. It’s not an easy way for it to happen, but I understand the appeal.

It’s always funny to feel sexual energy and interest from a chick who is not of interest. As I ratcheted my sexual energy down, she ratcheted hers up. It’s extremely rare for a genuinely attractive chick to move on me… I’m not sure it’s ever happened… sure, sometimes they might hang around in proximity, that sort of thing.

If you get an unattractive woman hitting on you, it should remind you of what women have to go through… an unattractive woman is not a sexual threat to me. A chick may get unwanted attention from a guy who is 8 inches taller than her and outweighs her by 40+ pounds (not that common anymore because of how fat the average chick is, but let’s assume this is for an attractive woman, as large chicks are their own man repellant).

This weekend I am going to lay low and focus on family things and the better relationship. I need to do that more consistently, but I am struggling more than I should between different desires. Magnum reviews the new Krauser book and it sounds like the book is covering some of the psychological territory I am in. I will write more about the book when I am done with it and will probably give my copy away.

One interesting thing is that over the course of my player journey, if I had one, I have gotten better at letting go of chicks who I am not so interested in, and letting go of chicks who are less interested in me. It has probably reduced the lay count quite a bit (fine with me), but it is a better way to live. I was more dogged at first, and there is a place for doggedness… but doggedness can degrade your psychology and make you not like chicks very much.

This has turned into a ramble, but my method for writing is to read some things or have some experiences and then reflect on them and what they mean. These are some recent experiences and some ideas on what they might mean.

Short Dancer vignette

I was thinking about Short Dancer, a girl I saw on and off for like six or nine months, a few years back… on and off, because at the time I wanted her to come to the fleshpots with me and she would not, despite my persuasion work. I wish I’d been monogamous with her for a while, or “monogamous” in my case, as I think I liked f**king her better than just about any chick between now and then. If I had done that, though, this blog wouldn’t have the stories it does… even fewer people would read it than read it now. Despite the numbers and the experiences and the groups that I’ve done between her and today, I liked Short Dancer a lot, enough that I think I made the wrong decision with her, partially because I had a lot going on at the time, and, when I have a lot going on, it’s naturally harder to commit, even temporarily. Sometimes one great chick can be better than 10 okay or good ones… that’s why I think a lot of guys in the game quit it or take long breaks from it, when they find a girl they’re really into, who reciprocates the interest. When you have enough good, but not extraordinary, experiences with chicks, the best chicks become the reason you continue.

Short Dancer was young and in some ways has a conservative temperament… that may surprise you, since she was with me for a time… though in other ways, ways important to me, she does not, and the tension between those two was an interesting part of her personality. I kept trying to get her into a sex shop with me, for example, and she would not go… one time I picked her up in a fireman’s carry and made to bring her in, but her objections seemed to be genuine, so I put her down and we continued on our way. Apart from fleshpots, she accepted many of the things I wanted, and the sex with her was just about flawless… her beauty, her willingness, her submissiveness, her femininity… we had a great dynamic, better in some ways than w/ other chicks since then (which is why I feel like I made an error in letting her pass, to go chase other chicks who are often very good but not quite on the level of the thing we had).

Short Dancer came from an ecosystem, so there’s no game story around her, apart from me cultivating masculinity and making a move when the time was right. So few guys cultivate masculinity today. There’s also not a great story about why I like her more than other chicks… I just do. Good physical chemistry went a long way with her, plus, she also didn’t throw much in the way of shit tests and didn’t have the hot-young-chick disposition around relentlessly tooling guys, going to clubs/parties, etc. The chicks who like basic clubs, attention on social media, that kind of thing, I tend not to get along with them, even when I rope them in, and that could be part of the reason I found the Tinder experiment so awful.

Short Dancer is one of those girls who look even better nude than clothed… I wasn’t 100% sure what I was going to get when I undressed her the first time, but I got everything I might have wanted. She liked posing nude for me, and I like that… she showed some of the shots to a girl we mutually knew, and the other girl was like, “Wow.” Couldn’t believe it, even though the other girl is a too-heavy tramp, or maybe just an attention whore… hard to say. She was too basic for me. Short Dancer also really liked taking direction, even more than most chicks, which I also like.

No real lesson here, just some musing. When Short Dancer was in my life I felt pretty good. The age gap is too large for her to be a good long-term prospect. She is one of the very few girls I find occupying my head space… I jerk my attention away from her, but if I’m not careful it drifts back to her, in a way that it doesn’t drift back to most other chicks. At the time I don’t think I appreciated her, and I was still excited to go chase new chicks… something that I find myself less excited by right now.

In private someone asked if I’ve tried to get her back in… and I have! Unsuccessfully. She also had, maybe has, an official boyfriend, and both of us have complicated schedules, plus, now there is a distance challenge. We all make mistakes, and letting her go was  one of mine… not one that I really consciously made at the time… I let her drift, and she sensed that I wasn’t going to do the monogamy she wanted. Red Pill doctrine incorrectly holds that chicks who you are “aloof” from are going to pine for you and keep coming after you forever… that is true of some chicks, but more functional, intelligent, and self-aware chicks who want a boyfriend/partner and do not get it from you, are going to cut you out and get it from someone else. They may boomerang back periodically based on what they’re finding, and based on guys who won’t make them their girlfriends, but when they find an acceptable guy who will commit, they will depart, and they may simply never talk to you again.

I miss Short Dancer… not something you hear on a lot of player blogs. Do most guys not miss particular chicks, or are they not willing to admit it? Genuinely don’t know the answer here. The best psychology is always oriented towards the future, so maybe guys wisely don’t dwell on the past. Yet many players online seem intent on maintaining a hard-ass facade.

Bike Girl: One year away thoughts

Bike Girl ended a year ago, and I’ve already forgotten most of the details of the end… I wish I’d started writing the blog sooner, as many of the details around various chicks have faded away. There is no substitute for writing very close to the events as they happen in real time. Everything becomes abstract and mushy, given sufficient distance. I’ve been encouraging many guys to write their players journey blogs, and the value of fresh material is part of the reason why… the value of random search engine traffic is another… mostly you should write for yourself, but the fact that you might reach some other poor suffering dude is a nice bonus.

About Bike Girl, Anastasia asked on Twitter, “Have you heard about her after?” Not too much: little bit here and there… we kept fucking for a while after the breakup… but really we are too different. She is more looking for a guy who is kinda chill and matches her, or a guy who will take care of her (likely financially)… I am neither… she wouldn’t put it that way, though. Fort Worth Playboy asked, “How would she frame it?” A good question. I think she’d frame it as I’m a jerk and a player who takes advantage of her. I pretend to offer girls one thing, then don’t follow up on it. She was ready to move to the next stage and I cruelly ditched her. She is pretty enough that she can find guys who will happily commit to her… she has a few in her orbit… like so many chicks she’s most into a guy who won’t commit to her room, board, and upkeep. I’m a little harsh in the last sentence, as she did have a job when I was with her. But only a little harsh.

I think I confuse some chicks, because I don’t really read as fuckboy (contra this, which reveals more about the quality of Low-cut top girl’s mind and thinking than it does about me), but I also don’t really read as monogamous “good guy.” So chicks don’t really know how to categorize me… The ones I get along with, aren’t bothered by this. The chicks who are happy doing something a little different than the standard categories (e.g. consensual non-monogamy), often like me quite a bit because they get to be different. The ones who want the usual are often flummoxed. The ones who like me are okay thinking in shades of gray, rather than black and white. In conversation I ask a lot of “Why?” and “How do we know that?” and “Are we certain of that?” kinds of questions. Not in a mean way… I don’t try to use them as cudgels… but in a searching way… and girls who are searching like those questions… girls who already know everything don’t like them very much.

I think you can tell which kind of girl I like better. The chicks who are happy doing something a little different than the standard categories (like consensual non-monogamy), often like me quite a bit because they get to be different. Chicks who like rigid categories need to find guys who fit in those categories.

I hope Bike Girl is doing well. I could ping her again… last I heard I believe she was dating someone. I wish her well… but she is going to have a tough time trying to get a “got it all” (looks + money + charisma) guy. She can get a guy w/ one or two of those, I think. She seems like the kind of chick who will keep looking for the “just right” guy, as her 40th birthday sails past and her fertility window closes. I know some women who just stay on the shelf too long… it’s sad, but common. Maybe increasingly common. Our idiotic culture tells women that she should HAVE IT ALL. Stupid. But almost no one “has it all.” Not men. Not women. No one in our culture tells men that we need to “have it all.” I wonder why.

(That last statement is sarcastic.)

With the blog, Nash says, “I can tell by the way you write that pieces are ‘fresh,’ they aren’t stewed-on for weeks… and I appreciate that about your writing. I want to do more of that.” Some of them I sit on for too long… not all, though. I’m a fan of the 12″ MacBook and similar computers for their portability… got an idea? Pop in for coffee, execute it, move on. It’s amazing how far tech has come… laptops used to have to be big and heavy to be functional… now they don’t. By the way, don’t buy a 12″ MacBook the day this is being published in May 2019, as they are overdue for an update.

UPDATE: The 12″ MacBook is dead and now replaced by the 13″ MacBook Air. A less portable machine and I wish the 12″ MacBook had been updated.

I was tempted at times to start the blog earlier, but I didn’t because I knew it would suck up more time and energy than is desirable. As a consequence, many of the details have faded; looking at my writing from just one or two years ago shows me as much. I remember previous girls, that they existed, a few things about them and about us… but not the stuff that speaks to how it really was. Strangely, my habit of making sex tapes provides many of those details for other girls. One of my favorite girls, I haven’t written a lot about here, but I think about her a lot.

She was likely a high 7 / low 8, principally due to her youth and hobbies (dancing). For whatever reason I connected with her strongly, but she did not want to do what I wanted to do (sex clubs), and I let her go. I wonder if I should have stuck with her longer… of all the chicks I’ve slept with, for some reason she stays with me the most. One of the early times we fucked, probably the third or fourth, at the end of it she sighed happily and said, “I needed that.” A little moment… a minor one… one I would have forgotten if not for the video… but the way she says it… it’s nice, like a few seconds later when she said that she’d been thinking about seeing me all day. She sounds so satisfied. Very satisfying to me in turn.

Sometimes I leave the camera on for a while after the sex, and the conversation after is tremendously interesting. I think people are more honest and less guarded right after fucking. I didn’t realize that making fuck tapes would catch some of those moments. Come for the smut, stay for the talking.

I have some more stories I need to finish, but I don’t think they have much in the way of real learning points, so they don’t seem urgent. I have been doing a bit of cold approach, but not in a good or consistent way… my head space has been bad for that, and it shows.

Social cooperation vs. competition

This is another of the posts that guys in their 20s can pretty much ignore, as it’s not terribly applicable to them, but as I read “The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis: What a growing body of research reveals about the biology of human happiness—and how to navigate the (temporary) slump in middle age” I see some aspects that apply to me, even if I wish I did not. Like, “Midlife is, for many people, a time of recalibration, when they begin to evaluate their lives less in terms of social competition and more in terms of social connectedness.” I would not say that I have abandoned competition, which I still feel, but I feel less of it, and I realize that a lot of the competition I perceived when I was younger was just imagined. In any given situation I was often competing more than anything else against myself. And it’s often better to change the game than to keep competing in it. This is most obviously true for guys with one-itis. Instead of chasing after that one Magical Special Girl, go find another one… and make Magical Special Girl compete with the other girl. If she doesn’t, she was never yours.

Do you not get the promotion you wanted at work? Get another job.

Etc.

There is something to the idea that “age is just a number.” We have all met older people with incredible optimism and grace, while we have all met 20-year olds with the soul of 55-year-old accountants. But while there is something to that idea, biology imposes its own costs. You do not see 40-year olds suddenly breaking into the NBA. If you are 40, you will not get the kind of mentorship and even tolerance at work that raw 23-year olds might get. Injury rates go up over time. Such observations fueled “The deep psychology that keeps men in the game.” While guys don’t crash into the wall like most women do in their 30s, there is a wall and we do eventually hit it. Eventually, even with extreme diet discipline and gym discipline, a guy’s ability to get younger-hotter-tight (YHT) is going to decline. This is NOT an argument that you should think to yourself, “I am 35, it must be time to SETTLE DOWN.” But if you have been in the game for five years, ten years… you may find yourself thinking such thoughts. There are some real trade-offs, like the ones from “Two possible paths forward: Hedonistic partying vs children.”

One fact about the modern world, too, is that you can never surrender… your girl or wife (if you’re crazy enough to marry) could leave you at any time. Constant vigilance and preparation is the way of the modern world. You might not like it, but it’s true. It’s also true of women, by the way.

From the article, this also makes sense, “My dissatisfaction was whiny and irrational, as I well knew, so I kept it to myself.” Many of my dissatisfactions are whiny and irrational. They persist anyway. Overall I am well placed. Yet I feel that I could be doing a little better. A lot better, in some ways. I find myself thinking about chucking my career and doing something different, more technical… realistically I am not going to do it, but the dissatisfactions are there.

Also, I have been saying for a while that the death of elderly relatives is a common point for people to re-evaluate their lives, “As I moved into my early 50s, I hit some real setbacks. Both of my parents died, one of them after suffering a terrible illness while I watched helplessly.” For people in their teens and 20s it is easy to feel immortal. But the immortal feeling often wanes over time.

I also notice a common pattern: people with large, functioning families work much better with age and aging. People who are alone, isolated, or with dysfunctional families work worse, especially in the face of injury. I don’t have empirical support for this observation but it is what I observe. One of the tragedies of the contemporary world is isolation. At any given moment isolation feels like the easy road, but over the long term it may be better to take the hard one.

I just wrote a tweet, “When you figure out the game and get your fundamentals in order, most of the rest is execution. That’s why most pickup, game, and Red Pill guys quit or fade away… the execution is the harder part.” I don’t think I’m a game master, but I have been doing enough things right for a long enough time that I have fundamentals in order. My main contribution to the community has been in writing about non-monogamy and sex clubs as they can apply to the game. If I have an “innovation,” that is it, but I don’t think it will become wildly popular, as non-monogamy is a sub-culture and game/pickup is a sub-culture… so I am target the tiny overlap between the two. Not a big market. Fortunately I did not write the book to reach a big market (that market doesn’t exist) but to explain what I have learned for the small number of people who wish to learn or think.

The rest of my game is mostly application of ideas better articulated elsewhere. That is why the sidebar links are important. I still like hooking up w/ hot chicks, don’t get me wrong, and I am not likely to turn into a TradCon. I do feel less competition than I used to, and more cooperation, so that is nice. In some ways, not giving a shit has its advantages w/ chicks, as they can sense that and it intrigues them. I wasn’t good at this, which players call “abundance mentality,” when I was younger. When I was younger I also thought it was important to be “right.” Now I realize that the overwhelming majority of people don’t care about truth or being right… they just want to be emotionally validated and have their team win. With a lot of things it’s like, “Uh huh, right, okay, great,” and then we move on to building connection or doing business or just to something that matters.

I have spent too much of a Saturday writing this post, but reading the piece sparked it in me, and I want to get it out while it’s fresh.

The positive, light-side frame, not the negative, dark-side frame

This turned into a non-actionable ramble, but it is a fundamental statement of my views and psychology… it emerged in response to this Nash comment, so if you want to understand the context, check that first.

In the RP and seduction communities, I get the sense that some guys (maybe most?) are kind of cold/damaged. They’ve failed too many times and are seeking revenge, or seeking to “get a free one” off chicks. Or to get a chick in the inferior position, so that HE has the power (for once) and will get to feel what it’s like to have arbitrary power over another person. None of those are good primary frames, in my view, even if they can be attractive at times.

I actually try to cultivate kindness… BUT not being “nice” or weak. I’m very keen on reciprocity as a fundamental part of the human experience, and I’m cagey about people trying to steal value. I don’t think I’m “nice.” I will be very angry if someone tries to use me, or get one over on me, although in the modern world that means “withdraw attention” is usually the only option.

BUT. We are also stuck on this planet together, and I would like to make the world a better place. I really do believe game makes the world a better place, as chicks want to be seduced by competent guys and of course guys want to seduce hot chicks. There are some ways that our biologies have caused incentives to be mismatched between guys and chicks. To fail to acknowledge that would be stupid. Within that context, however, I try to create “win-win” wherever possible, while also acknowledging that, of course, sometimes it is not possible to do “win-win.” I try to find chicks who want to do the same thing.

“Win-win” means trying to make sure the chick has the opportunity to get off. It means holding her after. Even in group sex situations, it is common to hold the chick after… she has had an intense experience, and needs to be helped down from it. It means that I usually have some food around, so we can have a snack. Most chicks are too dumb or self-centered to do these things, but some are self-aware enough to do them. A lot of chicks report most guys are not doing this stuff. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s a factor of chicks trying to get guys +1 or +2 SMV compared to them, and then they get what they give.

I don’t like the view, even if it’s purely psychological, that the goal of seduction is to get one over on the chick, or to punish the chick for all the times a chick has been a bitch to the guy. A guy should protect his value from chicks (or anyone) who will take it… but he should also try to be generous where and when possible. Especially in low-cost, high-value situations. Like holding a chick after he’s f**ked her. Simple thing that will make her experience much better.

Or invite chicks to the gym… to read a book he thinks is good… etc. It’s both good for the chick and also gives you information about her. A basic, lazy ignorant chick is probably only good for one thing, and she can be mentally put into that one-thing bucket. A highly responsive chick might be good for other things. When you find a chick who also wants to make the world a better place, that is valuable information. When you find a chick who wants to wants to watch TV, eat junk food, and complain… that is also valuable information. Obviously there are many gradations between the two.

Many guys, I sense, never get to the stage where they are seriously evaluating the chick, and discarding the chicks who aren’t any good. So if they struggle and struggle, then get to the stage where they have choice… they are sometimes tempted to be mean to the chick. Experienced guys learn that is very rarely good. Most of the time, simple disconnection is the right response to mean, bad, lazy, or stupid chicks. Trying to be mean in return… is rarely a good idea. Sometimes it might be. But very rarely.

I sense that a lot of guys in pickup, seduction, RP (distinct communities at times, but I will put them together my purposes now) want to present a bravado front… look at me, the great player/wizard, with all these chicks before me… I can treat them like dirt, or at least not very well, and they still come back for me… and if she doesn’t come back for more, BEHOLD!, for she will be replaced by another chick, for I am the great player/wizard of seduction, ready to replace that chick.

OF COURSE, sometimes a chick should be replaced. Of course, a guy is only as good as his options. Of course, a guy should be seeking new leads if his plate is not totally full. BUT, he should also try to improve the lives of the chicks he’s f**king, if he can, to the extent he can, while making sure that he only acts in ways that the chick merits. If he senses even for a moment that the chick is using him, or is withdrawing because of his generative nature… then he must pull back.

Top chicks, especially top chicks who are mentally sound, will respond will to a generative person. F**ked up chicks may respond less well. But I want more mentally sound chicks in my life, and fewer messes. You get what you give… there are some exceptions to that principle, but over time and over many scenarios, it plays out.

Nothing is perfect, and I have misjudged chicks and situations before. But I still want my basic frame and mode of being in the world to be positive and to be building new and good things. That can be executed in many different ways… with a chick you’ve just f**ked, though, it usually means you should hold her after. People want to connect with each other. In some ways, we have a very “cold” society in which we’re heavily disconnected. I like game because it creates the connections people yearn for but often don’t know how to make for themselves, anymore.

Enough ramble… I could keep going. I think the basic idea is here, though. If guys want to see more of my not-immediately-actionable ramble posts, there is a tag for them.

Sonny Arvado and Pancake Mouse on the image match and reciprocity

This turned into a ramble post… enter at your own risk.

I read 29 Truths About Game because of Pancake Mouse’s link, and it is an interesting post very much in the vein of Good Looking Loser (it sounds like Chris from GLL and even reads like it at times). Sonny Arvado is very much of the “get jacked and go hit on chicks” school. I notice this: “the Karmic Laws of the Universe are pretty airtight” and “People tend to get their IMAGE MATCH. They date people on a similar level in the eyes of society.” This seems mostly true. It’s very uncommon to see incredibly disparate people together. When you do see it, it stands out. When I brought Ms. Slav to Thanksgiving, we stood out… she is too young for me in the eyes of most people, so we made no sense together. But she feels much more mature for her age than most chicks her age, and I… well, I am the “black sheep” in many ways. SA Girl and some other chicks from my life have been like this too. The older I get… the wider the age spread gets… the more I experience this disjunction.

BUT: I also stand out among my peer group. I am more serious about diet and lifting than pretty much anyone else I know. I watch less TV and do less social media than pretty much anyone else I know who is my age and younger. I’m not sure that these young tight chicks are my “image match.” But there is less separation between us than there is for most guys my age and younger chicks. This is why game people say guys need to work on value and value delivery mechanisms together. Only do value, and you are on the self-improvement hamster wheel instead of getting laid. Only do value delivery, and if you don’t have underlying value, most hotter chicks will blow you off.

It helps to have a life that is somewhat, a little bit together. I have met chicks whose lives are not going well. They are not fun to be around, even when they are physically attractive. Their desperation manifests itself, sometimes in strange ways. Bike Girl was a little bit like this. Her life was okay but she had no career, at an age when career-focused girls (and guys) are really starting to ascend, and people who focus on partying and/or just drifting / dreaming / arts are starting to struggle or suffer. The older you are, the harder it is to be the party guy, without substantial financial resources. Not impossible, just harder. (All generalization I make should be seen as generalizations… I can think of exceptions to all of them.)

I have gone on some dates with chicks who admit their primary dating goal is getting a free meal because they have no money. I prefer later meets at alcohol venues… that avoids such chicks pretty easily.

The guys who completely neglect looks, though, pretty much suffer. We live in the wealthiest time period in human history. Most girls who want to be self-sufficient, will be self-sufficient, easily. Most attractive girls can sell sex any time they like, ranging from full-on sex to being a restaurant hostess. Attractive chicks don’t want or need money alone. Money and earning power is nice, layered on an attractive guy, but it is rarely enough. Maybe for guys with really spectacular amounts of money. Not for guys who are anywhere near normal. And a guy who is “money first” will at best attract girls who feel the same. Not a smart thing. The best girls are typically looking for the “full package.”

One advantage with younger girls is that they rarely reek of desperations (“rarely” is not “never,” like girls trying to steal meals from stupid guys online). They may be making bad choices, but the bad choices haven’t yet caught up with them. Chicks in their late 20s to early 30s, often stew in their bad choices. I have dated some of these chicks, seen the hungry look in their eyes when they see me and think, “Okay, he’s dominant and non-pussy enough, but he’s also got a job… I should take this one and make him mine.” Hasn’t worked yet. I’m pretty lucky I’ve not gotten baby-trapped.

It’s also possible to change girls’s personalities, somewhat. Not totally. Most chicks who get with me find that they read more, they cook more, they work out more, and they spend somewhat less time in bars. They also go to different kinds of parties.

I have had consistent interesting challenges where girls want to go to generic concerts and I do not. Like, at all. I’m fine with chicks going to concerts, although I know that most people also use concerts to change their mental states and put them in a more sexual frame of mind. Chicks who like concerts or even worse music festivals very much go in my “low priority” box.

I’ve also never been much a nightgame guy. I just don’t like it. I find it boring and fake. One reason I like sex clubs is because I find them exciting and authentic (in the right circumstances, on the right nights… on the wrong night they are horrible and I leave). I did do some parties and bar things in my early to mid 20s, when my entire peer group was also doing those things, but they didn’t favor my personality much then and they REALLY don’t favor my personality much now.

Some young chicks find me boring, and they are pretty much right. A super high-energy chick who wants to go out three to five nights a week… is not going to like me much. And I’m not going to like her. Those kinds of girls also either have to be rich with family money, or they are going to burn out quickly. I’m not big on economically dysfunctional girls, as that is usually also an indication of psychological dysfunction. I can go there, but those girls will often not be into me.

Like finds like.

I like what Arvado says about “Like finds like.” Krauser’s story is interesting because he has some pictures of himself and his friend Mike in his memoirs, and they’re both fat. If not outright fat, at least tubby. Yet they seem to overcome some of their physical deficits through sheer effort. That’s pretty impressive to me. But they both meld their ENTIRE lives around pickup. Sounds hard and exhausting.

I do know a lot of people, but often through business. So hot young chicks who are party animals will find me boring. But young chicks who attend to more conventional status markers will like what they see, sometimes.

I like making and learning things.

I tend to like girls who are above-average in intelligence. I don’t mind average-intelligence girls, but they tend not to like me so much. A lot of girls who are most into me, find most guys kind of boring. I have been told a lot that I am strange because I’m very interested in body/physical development but am not a stupid meathead. Many girls seem to think they must have one or the other. As regular readers know I like some very unconventional things, and try to lead new girls into those things, which repels some girls but intensely attracts others. Girls have said they don’t know what box to put me in. That makes sense, actually. They are also seeing the results of someone who has spent almost no time watching TV, playing video games, or being on social media. When you cut out a lot of the crap and instead spend time learning and developing, you get interesting results. Uncommon results. Chicks are used to common guys, or guys who uncommon in a few specific ways. They are not used to guys who have focused on both mind and body. They are often a little wrong-footed as they get to know me.

Chicks also recognize that high-status guys are often on the market for pretty short periods of time. A chick has to act fast.

So this is a bit of a ramble. I don’t know how much you have to learn from Sonny, beyond GET JACKED and do the right diet… useful, sure. I have written before that there are some kind of silly debates between “inner” and “outer” game.

I find them silly because the two tend to feed into each other. Guys who improve their own psychologies tend to also improve their bodies, fashion, living situation, etc. Guys who lift, dress better, stand up straight, etc. tend to also improve their interior mental status. “Inner” and “outer” are recursive feedback loops. Work on them both. Let one influence the other. You can find guys with greater outer and no inner and vice-versa, they are just rare.

I have spent a lot of my life working on self development. When a chick is with me, I tend to try and help her work on her own self development too. Chicks who don’t want to do that, tend not to stay with me much. They get bored and leave.

Chicks tell me they can’t figure me out… I like that. I am not so complicated and don’t want to pretend to be. But most chicks, they seem to encounter guys who are all mind or all muscle (or neither). Then they find me… who is pretty hard to push around and has been for a while (I was easier to push around when I was younger and dumber).

Girls with high numbers

As usual, Nash arrives with a lot of perceptive comments, in response to this post, and I have so much to say in return that I’m just going to foreground it all here. If you don’t read that link first, most of what follows will not make sense to you.

> I would assume you don’t buy the “girls lose the ability to bond when they have X number of sex partners” argument.

Actually, I think that’s true for the average girl, who just gets f**ked up by too many partners. But there are some girls who have hindbrain/forebrain agreement and can seem to do it.

The bigger problem for those girls is that most guys, even sex-positive man-slut guys like me, don’t want to bond with the most promiscuous girls. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, that kind of thing. And it’s often tough for girls to put their partners first. Tough, but not impossible.

So is it true on average? Yeah. But it’s probably less true in the sex-positive community, where a structure for this thing exists.

Ms. Slav seems very uninterested in the concept of “quality men.” This is part of what bothers me: she lets too much of her value go. Riv likes to say men build their value, women protect their (pre-existing) value. Ms. Slav is not quite good enough at that, for my taste. This goes back to the idea of sex-positive, sexually experienced girls finding it hard to get primary partners. Even within the open-relationship and sex-club scene, there are some rules and principles. If a girl is not going to put a primary man first, she is not likely to find and keep one.

Even I am focused on value and reciprocity. Even girls in the scene find casual sex easier than longer-term bonding.

Nash also wonders if Ms. Slav is “damaged goods,” or if she will become that way. I can’t tell. Not yet. I think most chicks who are “damaged goods” cannot accept their past or reconcile their sexual proclivities with their higher-order thinking. Ms. Slav seems to have aligned forebrain/hindbrain. For that reason, I don’t think she’ll turn out as “damaged goods.” No guarantees, obviously.

A girl who is sex positive and likes to have a lot of sex with a lot of partners, and can admit that to herself and not be ashamed of it, will probably not turn out be damaged goods. Unusual goods, yes. But not damaged.

I’m somewhat hesitant to write about Ms. Slav as much as I have, because she is so unusual. A typical girl would generate less commentary from me.

While I’m not jealous per se, I do want to see people behave by the correct rules and principles. I try to impart those rules and principles to Ms. Slav. She has not totally absorbed them, however. I’m fine with group sex and non-monogamy if value is being exchanged for value. Ms. Slav is throwing the value equation out of whack, and I see it, and it makes me unhappy.

>>Separately: I read American Gods by Gaiman a few years ago (so-so book). He has a character called Pandora. She is like a lovely, predatory courtesan… she “consumes you” as you fuck her. And the character never came off as malevolent to me.

Maybe… maybe somewhere… there is a highly-sexed girl (as in 50+ partners) that comes out at the level of “sex goddess,” giving herself in this open, radiant way, year after year, with no corruption.

I am open to the concept… but I have never seen it.

I have seen it, I believe. Ms. Slav may be like this. I am thinking of another woman I was seeing for a while who has this kind of quality. Some of these women are just very independent and don’t want to conventionally pair-bond. They don’t want kids. They have self-sustaining, good jobs. It’s not super common, but I have seen it. Ms. Slav may be like this. She has a lot of work ethic. Her family is very rich, too.

I think some women like this become escorts. Why not make big bucks for doing something you’re already doing for free? Kind of like how a lot of amateur porn is now being made under the aegis of Pornhub’s Verified Amateur program. Why give it away, when you have something valuable enough to make a few bucks at it?

I don’t know what will happen with or to Ms. Slav. She is at least seven years away from thinking more seriously about kids and family. More likely ten years. A long time for me. An ocean for a girl her age.

What I’m up to isn’t for everyone. Yet many players are implicitly doing this. Sexually adventurous chicks are surely more responsive to players than sexually non-adventurous chicks. You probably aren’t getting many girls of this type among introverted Asians, however. Maybe some Japanese girls. I have heard about the kink clubs in Japan.