Don’t say anything, and instead change the debate

A player scheduled a date with a chick, then felt ill so he cancelled, then felt better and attempted to un-cancel (or reschedule, I guess) the date. The chick said she’s not free anymore and that she thinks he had other plans, and the other plans got cancelled. She “doesn’t believe in miracles.” Sounds like a girl who’s been around men and dating for a while.

So what would you do? Leave answers in the comments before you read on.

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Okay, so what should you do? Red Pill Dad said, “That’s tough. My first thought is to make fun of her.” He also said, “Or, the other thing would be to just say: I’m sorry you feel that way—I’d still like to see you. Let’s meet at X at 7.” The player in question thinks she’s legit angry, though. He wants to reply, because “she’s essentially calling me a liar.”

I had a different take, “I’d ignore, roll off, try again next week.” Why? Attention points to the issue, and leads to “the question of the guy’s veracity” being the frame… which is not the frame you want, especially over text (if you haven’t read the essay on attention, go read it, as it’s foundational and fundamental). The issue of the player’s veracity is already lost: if he sees her in person again he can reiterate the truth, but she doesn’t believe him, and it’s unlikely that anything he can say over text will change her mind.

Even a token response seems sub-optimal to me. I’d say nothing, and doing nothing is an under-rated move. Notice how often chicks do it. And then when we (men) re-engage later, chicks act as if nothing has happened or changed. Many of us, myself included, have an often-counterproductive desire to have the last word, or to achieve closure in the conversation. We want to be right, or “right.” Chicks, however, are often willing to say nothing, and let absence speak: it can be a kind of power move, if done properly. Often, the best way to deal with the argument or disagreement is to change the frame, to not have that argument, and instead to have another. Attention to an issue foregrounds the issue. At first glance, maybe it seems as if the player’s options were fight her (weak frame) or grovel to her (also weak frame). Ignoring her, letting emotions calm down, feels like short circuiting the system.

When people argue, they are very rarely arguing about what is “right.” They are talking about their ego, their underlying big five personality traits, their social status, etc. How can we intelligently manage conflict? When a guy gets into this kind of ticky-tacky debate with a chick, he’s often lost the moment he engages. Think of nerds who engage chicks in political or social debates, that sort of thing…. they very effectively turn the chick off. Many men are overly logical with chicks, thinking that the situation is like a math problem, with a right answer. But chicks are not math problems, they are feeling/emotions problems, where logic as men know it often doesn’t apply. Many men are scientists and engineers while many chicks are social workers and HR people, telling us an important truth about chick preferences and man preferences.

The girl I call Cassie was prone to annoying feminist/SJW outbursts via text, and when she did… I ignored them and re-engaged later, when I was ready to see her. Those outbursts were annoying but overall I liked f**king her, she reliably went to sex clubs with me, and they were an annoyance but little more. I’d starve her attempt to make a fire of oxygen by not engaging, but I simultaneously didn’t agree with her feminist bullshit. That seemed like a decent middle ground to me. She’d sometimes do the same in conversation, which I also ignored, and directed the conversation to better places. I’d never have her be my girlfriend or a significant presence in my life, because she’s shown me who she is (annoying), but she is good for sex clubs and that is enough for her. She’s also said she wants to be in a relationship, not just someone’s secondary partner, but she can’t connect her off-putting feminist SJW outbursts from her lack of significant male companionship. Girls like her are not so common, but they can be found, especially in the big cities, or wherever spinsters and future spinsters gather.

Maybe the player’s desire to respond comes from scarcity mindset, and he felt the urge to get her back on board, to “fix” things… whereas that would drive her further away. Better to let her feelings change.

These strategies don’t always work and following them is no guarantee of victory (there are no guarantees in life apart from death, and that MDMA is awesome). The player with the dilemma shouldn’t have cancelled until he was sure he’d be sick. If he could have, he should have done a video call so she can hear/see he’s sick. We all make mistakes, however, and I have probably made more mistakes than most: we can only try to learn from those mistakes. If I hadn’t begun reading player blogs ten or twelve years ago there are many subtle lessons I’d not have learned.

The player should also go talk to more chicks (the answer to many dilemmas), as this one might be done with him. She might not be, you never know, but “talk to new girls” is almost always good advice.


An epilogue: between the time I wrote the above and published it, the player ignored the girl, and she double-texted him, with a positive second message. Ultimately she seems to have flaked, but I think the player learned from this situation. He wrote to me that he’d still like,

clarification on the interplay of strong frame and ignoring her behavior. Text admittedly makes things difficult here. But as much as you don’t want to reward bad behavior with attention, it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior.

There is no perfect answer here. I see a lot of sub-optimal advice online telling guys to cut out a girl at the first time of “disrespect.” This is ridiculous for most guys, as girls naturally shit test and more simply want to see what a guy is made of… or just banter. Girls love teasing, something many online autists struggle with.

Girls also feel different things at different times. If a guy does not have almost all the women in his life he can handle, he should not be prematurely ejecting girls for being girls. A lot of the advice I see in the community is about the guy flaunting his ego and also trying to protect his ego. Go ahead and do ego projection and protection if it makes you feel good, but I’d rather make connections with chicks and get laid.

I am worried that “it would make sense to establish firm boundaries and expectations of behavior” is too much an ultimatum, and ultimatums are either a sign of weakness (most commonly) or a sign of great strength (very rarely). When a guy withdraws attention for poor behavior, that is enough: it is enough to do the thing, without announcing like a woman that the thing will be done. Much of this perceived desire to punish is about the man’s fear that he is weak, or that he somehow wishes to take revenge on all women, or to control all women.

See as well Red Pill Dad’s post, “Call a woman on her shit or put her in her place. If she’s your wife or girlfriend, OK, but even then you need to be careful, because directly confronting a woman, especially if she’s agitated or angry is falling into her frame. The best thing to do is ignore her, change the subject, or dismiss it without being combative.” Most people don’t change their minds and indeed stop listening altogether when someone confronts them head on. We most want to hear someone who already has status and/or credibility.

Integrating smart drugs, like MDMA (molly), smartly

The average guy who regularly uses drugs like MDMA (molly), coke, etc., may seem from the outside like an idiot and may even be one, but the guys who use MDMA to lead better lives don’t look or act like the average drug idiot. You probably won’t know who they are, unless they tell you, or unless you see them at a venue on a night that’s conducive to the rolling experience. Without having had that experience, it’s impossible to describe how beautiful and life-affirming it can be: and, for those reasons, it can also be a powerful tool in terms of bonding with chicks, and elevating their lives. Loads of girls love different experiences (their typical life is dreary, except when men who up to create some excitement) and it’s possible to intelligently experiment with altered states of mind and body. That almost no guys writing about the game mention this (kind of obvious) point tells us about guys writing about the game… the main exception I can think of is Delicious Tacos, who’s not writing about the game, exactly, but sometimes tweets that the most effective pickup line in the world is, “Hey, want to do some coke?” I’m not saying that should be your line… but he has a point. Loads of guys disparage nightclubs, none of them ever say, “coke is a key part of doing that game successfully.” Personally I don’t want to do coke, but its effectiveness in certain environments remains.

MDMA is better, though, as mentioned above, impossible to describe without having taken it, but it will lower inhibitions, increase tactile sensations, create greater social cohesion, and have some other positive effects, like making people who take it more open and outgoing. A lot of ppl don’t like clubs/raves, then they take MDMA, then they’re suddenly great! If clubs/raves look stupid to you, that’s because you’ve never experienced them on drugs, which is the only way they make sense. Booming nightclubs are horrible environments, unless you’re drunk or on drugs. MDMA is a much better experience than alcohol.

Girls go out and have a couple of drinks on dates because the girls are nervous and they also want to get laid, without their nervous forebrain getting in the way of their p**sies. Girls want to unabashedly and uninhibitedly love sex, but they often let their social and psychological programming and conditioning get in their way. The application of a bit of alcohol, or MDMA, can get her over the inhibition hump and into a total sex state, something that is obvious to most guys who have been around. Experienced girls will often be able to get there on their own, but even they can remain pretty inhibited until they try a little something that gets them where they want to go. Lots of girls mess things up for themselves and they know a little something will help them relax and get into the now. What can do that thing? Alcohol can, like MDMA, or coke. If it’s her first time with something like MDMA, she’ll be apprehensive, but it is an amazing experience: it opens you open to sensation and feeling and induces a kind of euphoria, if it’s paired with another person. Sense of touch becomes heightened.

There are limits to drugs, and don’t take opioids of any sort, ever, except under a doctor’s close supervision for medical reasons. That means heroin but also oxycontin, oxycodone, percocet, and many others (anyone who offers those is not your friend and needs help, but you should also maintain some distance from them). These are hugely addictive and will destroy you. Don’t hang out with people who do opioids of any kind, for any non-prescribed reason. These drugs are genuinely dangerous. In the United States we have a problem in that “drugs” are widely demonized, which makes no sense, because different drugs do wildly different things and have wildly different danger/risk profiles. Like this, a description of MDMA “therapy,” showing how this “party drug” can be deployed for other purposes. Many people find MDMA experiences with friends and lovers to be among the highlights of their life.

The best time for a girl is often that mix of fear and pleasure… a bit of fear/uncertainty/doubt is good (why riding motorcycles is so much fun for her… it’s safe enough while still feeling edgy). Drugs like mdma can do that as well, if you can show the skittish girls the research and demonstrate the substance’s purity, and explain your own experiences with it. Some party girls are pre-sold, but the girls who have never done it will need some time to integrate them into her worldview. Drugs are often like threesomes: girls are curious, but lack the organization, fortitude, and wherewithal to make them happen.

A lot of hot young girls are weird, awkward, and antisocial… a problem arguably becoming worse in the smartphone generation… until they get a little mdma/coke/booze in them, at which point they become more social, and they’re ready to shift from coke to cock. For hot girls, being weird, awkward, and antisocial when sober isn’t a problem, because plenty of guys will approach and escalate them. Such is the power of female privilege, which almost no one talks about.

Psychedelics like LSD and psilocybin aren’t sex drugs in the immediate sense. They’re drugs for opening the mind to different conscious states, and they’re better for girls you’ve already been sleepin with for a while. If the girl has already done them, compare experiences, and also congratulations because she’s telling you she’s a sexually adventurous slut. If she’s not, you can make fun of her being a scared square. In the game terms, girls who have never tried any of these drugs can be made fun of for being square and boring, and never exploring the contents of their own consciousness. It’s a light tease. Ones who have, are identifying themselves as sluts. The corollary is that guys who haven’t experimented have nothing to say–which puts it’s in a the “square” box. Part of the game is riding that edge between where the guy is not so square as to be boring but not so exciting as to be alienating. Where that line is, will exist in different spaces for different girls. I’m also finding girls who are against drugs don’t hold it against you if you frame it properly, and if you otherwise seem like a guy with a functional, good life. The kind of guy who has shit together, but who is also interested in some mind-expanding experiences, is pretty rare. Most people who have done or are interested in drugs are also druggie losers.

Because they’re druggie losers or idiots, it may seem that only girls who are amenable to that kind of thing will be into them. Or they are the stupid hippies in college. Those people can find each other and hook up and so on… but I’m not them and don’t want to mold myself to be them, personally. But the higher-caliber girls who are interested in amazing experiences won’t be obvious.

Today almost anyone can order drugs on the dark web, and test kits on the standard web from Dance Safe. Search for guidelines because they’re out there. If you are willing to read this blog you should be willing to figure some things out for yourself.

The aftermath of an MDMA roll is also important, because some drugs will leave people feeling wrung out and depressed. Whether your girl is one of them depends on you. Some girls are better off being alone and some need to snuggled and told that it’s all right. There’s no algorithm for this situation so you’ll have to feel out on your own which is best for a particular girl. Generally I prefer to separate or at least be in separate rooms during the recovery/hangover phase, if there is one.

Judicious (key word) use / offering of drugs is also almost never discussed among game guys, from what I can tell, and I’m interested in the omissions within the community. This is one. I’m not pro-drug, exactly, but look again at the description of MDMA “therapy.” It’s a better testimonial than any I give. I’ve never read a “field report” that consists of a guy talking about an MDMA-fueled music festival, or club night, or anything like that, which tells me that, again, there are missing pieces in the discourse. What are we here on this planet to do? One answer is, “have top experiences,” and for many people, this is a top experience. If a man can facilitate top experiences for a woman, that woman will bond to him. Most guys can’t, most women can’t really make anything happen, and the intersection of those two things is the dating market.

Here’s one chick’s story about her first time rolling, and the sex it entailed. Guys often can’t get hard on MDMA and girls often can’t come, but the feeling and experience itself is so amazing that neither cares. Sometimes girls can come, and when they can, their experiences often match this chick’s. If you’re aware of other, similar accounts, or want to write your own, please leave them in the comments.

Coffee with a marginal chick, and the sex club multiplier (Keynesian)

Had coffee with a marginal chick, one I used to sleep and go to sex clubs with, cause she’s in town… high 6 for the most of the time I’ve known her, has probably slipped down to a 6 now, but she also wanted to f**k, yet I wasn’t that keen on her. She’d set aside a huge block of time to see me, and, by implication, a huge amount of time in which she’d get f**ked. Setting limits and boundaries with girls is a reversal of the typical order, since girls are usually the ones setting boundaries, delivering “let’s just be friends” (ljbf) talks, etc., but I’ve been thrust into that role numerous times, most often by girls at the lower end of my plausible range, and so I talked to this one before we met up and made my “no sex” excuse, feeling a bit like a chick with an ardorous suitor must. I also had some logistical obstacles that, absent them, I might’ve taken her for an easy tumble, despite things.

What’s off about her? She 1. doesn’t shave/trim her bush adequately and 2. doesn’t like deodorant, for some weird hippie reason. Those things, combined with her weirdo social justice warrior tendencies, contribute to this underlying sensed of fucked-up-ness about her, and contribute to the way she’s forever not able to sustain proper relationships… and she’s the kind of woman who can never realize, or admit to herself, that the big problem is her. Not men. Her SJW/woke ideology blames men for everything and prevents her from looking properly at herself. One secret life superpower is to realize that 90% of whatever’s wrong with your life is due to you, not anyone or anything else. I’d not date her, ever… from my perspective, she’s fine for casual f**king and would be awful for anything else, a perspective I’m sure most other guys share, or come to share. Unless we’re f**king, she can be annoying. She’s not dumb, and if she could fix her personality and her relentlessly inane political/social views, she’d be pretty fun and interesting. Even now, 85% of the time, she’s fun and interesting, and fun to talk to. But the other 15% of the time, kills her overall vibe. The whole red pill / manosphere thing has a similar issue going on, where it’s like 60% correct and useful, but the other 40% consists of conspiracy theories, crazy authoritarian impulses, disdain for and failure to understand women, etc. The 40% guarantees it’ll never break into the mainstream, and it repels a lot of normal guys who aren’t lunatics, who go outside, etc. Which is a shame, but outside of my ability to substantially control/correct. I try to encourage and demonstrate some level of basic sanity and some level of basic connection to reality, but I’m one guy, and the past year has demonstrated informational pathologies in the community.

Back to the girl, a few years ago, we met this couple at a party, the girl an 8, the guy probably a high 7, kept trying to meet up with them but never quite did. They broke up, the girl had a nice little rebound with me, nothing super special, but I’d not have gotten her in the first place without Cassie, and she was fundamental to other adventures as well. I’ve written in a bunch of places that one tolerably attractive girl can be multiplied many times over through non-monogamy. In economics, there’s a concept called, variously, the Keynesian multiplier, the fiscal multiplier, and sometimes other terms. The basic idea is that, during a demand slump in a market cycle, government borrowing of a dollar can result in more than a dollar of economic output, because the demand slump means that supply slackens as well, and those dollars pumped into the economy will, under this theory, boost demand. But by how much? It’s hard to say, and macroeconomists debate the question (interest rates are an important variable too, and supply isn’t infinitely elastic) endlessly, and we’re not going to settle this question here, today. There’s also a p***y multiplier, particularly through sex clubs, in which a guy who has one girl is able to get two or six or more girls, as long as he brings the first one, and as long as she’s a down-ass chick. If you listened to Delicious Tacos’s podcast with Default_Friend and The Personality Girl, you’ll have heard DT make the same point, although I don’t think he’s done sex clubs (could be wrong on that, I’ve not read his whole oeuvre). There’s a distinct gap between guys who have or can get that first girl, and guys who can’t. Guys who can’t are either content being miserable and playing video games, or are trying to move into the “guys who can” category. Cassie is a kind of “multiplier” girl who has value for that reason, and she’s also way into me, because my SMV is higher than hers.

To a female 6 or high 6, I might look like a catch, like I’m within believable striking distance of her. To an 8, I’m fine, and if we mesh well in other ways, she might be very into me, but she’s unlikely to be as into me as a girl at least a point below me is. Cassie’s not quite that into me, maybe cause I’m not that into her. Apart from the SJW stuff, she needs to quit alcohol and probably sugar too… that stuff’ll get a person, particularly as she gets older. Going out with her was probably a waste of time, but I’m not opposed to preserving the option in the future, and, like I said, I do like talking to her, overall. Things don’t work out the way I’d like them to with my situation right now, I could be in a situation in which I’d like to hit a sex club with her… likelihood of that happening is low, 10%?, but not 0. Today I’m also emphasizing her bad qualities, she has many good qualities too, among them, she shows up when she says she’s going to show up. She f**ks when she shows up. She proposes doing things, and we do them. Simple courtesy of that sort, and not being a flake, is sufficiently rare for me to note it as a major positive. So many chicks can’t hold onto relationships because they’re flakey.

Re: burning leads, Redpill dad has a story about the value of not burning leads, a story that’s consistent with many of my own adventures and experiences. Guys are forever making ego-driven moves that cause them to pointlessly burn leads. A lot of guys, when they simply stop making so damn many mistakes, see a decent level of success, just from avoiding normal stupidity. Get a virtuous p***y cycle going and good things will happen.