Open relationships work for cool guys who are in control, which is a small portion of the male population. They flop for everyone else. Guys who’ve never been cool and in control HATE open relationships because they imagine themselves as the loser in the open relationship.
Superficially awakened guys who are wildly hostility to open relationships do so because they imagine themselves paying for some woman’s apartment while she does other guys, rather than the stronger one in which the guy can sleep around as much as he wants and she will also be his wingman. A long time ago I realized that I never wanted to be in a conventional relationship with a woman again and that I never wanted to live with a woman again. That was before open relationship dynamics had really taken off in the media again.
That being said I value people as ends in themselves and have been in open-style relationships. They work great for me, and, I think, for many guys, AS LONG AS:
- You don’t live with the woman or otherwise subsidize her economically (like through marriage),
- You don’t plan to have children with her, and
- You have no problem picking up and sleeping with women.
Most guys cannot achieve bullet three so open relationships are not for them. When you fulfill those requirements open relationships can be great. I already have kids and don’t want or need more, so I don’t consider women along those metrics.
Marriage used to be a contract in which men agreed to make money and provide resources to a woman who bears his children and solves domestic problems. That this contract broke down by the 1960s if not earlier should be obvious.
I want sexual novelty, excitement, and fulfilling relationships. ORs can do that, and they can be less atomizing than the relentless hunt that game involves.
I also don’t know what this will mean for me as I get older. I think I’m older than most of the guys reading and writing about the game.