Lately I’ve been talking about time horizons and how there’s frequently a tension between what’s optimal in the short term versus the long term: when you’re thinking about an action, set of actions, program, program of study, etc., it’s useful to consider “tonight” “this week” “this month” “this year” “this decade” “these two decades.” Some guys can have great days, or great weeks, that don’t add up to anything, a topic that arises due to The curious, cautionary fates of many of the guys who go deep into game and Internet. The question is, can guys get different time horizons in alignment, despite those time horizons being in tension with each other?
A great night tonight might mean this, but if you do that every week, that’s catastrophic. A great decade might mean a lot of grinding work, but without any of the things that can make life worth living. Many top guys figure out how to balance their time horizons, and many ineffective guys focus exclusively on the short term (girls of course do the same, but girls face a different set of game constraints than men do). Sugar is short term, measured in seconds or minutes, as are video games, measured in hours. But developing special and unique skills might take years, and yet you won’t develop them if you don’t put the work in every day. On a day-by-day basis, it might be fun to f**k around, and then watch as months or years pass, that time put into a video game machine or bong, instead of something lasting, sustainable, and meaningful.
When I speak of how there is no easy way, there is only the hard way, I’m saying that top guys usually have to focus on doing this today that might not bear fruit for months or years. It’s easy to misinterpret red quest as a work and philosophy because you only see the tip of the spear: you read a work that’s the result, often, of decades of work. Top guys manage to think short and long term: a great experience right now, but also a set of activities and strategies that’ll help guys “build wealth slowly” as xbtusd likes to say. What’s great in the short term may be poisonous long term. I can’t tell you how to optimize your life, but I can tell you you should be aware of this principle. In sexual terms, I’ve tended to optimize for short-term activities: hours to months. In the last year or two, I’ve been trying to change that, and instead focus on years to decades… which may mean moving against my feral player instincts. Can I lay the foundations for a good life, long term, or will I be waylaid by my desire for carnal sluts? Tune in next year to find out.
Some Internet can be good, too much is bad. I’ve been doing too much. What? I’m not perfect, I make mistakes.
If there’s a message in red quest besides “group sex is fun and people should try it out, and here’s how to do it” it’s “things are complex and resist simple / easy answers.” Most of us want easy answers, most of us have limited attention spans, most of us are ineffective… with the results seen everywhere. This post isn’t immediately actionable in a universal way, like “lift” or “don’t eat sugar” or “call your mom” is, but it applies to many of us, if not most.
21 thoughts on “The time horizon question”
Hard to measure:
(2) Have fun
Wisdom. I don’t have anything to add to your message for everyone.
So much of Red Pill/PUA thinking is tactical. Which is great for suitable guys and suitable gals to find each other, and wind up in bed that night. Or for a “long game” (in tactical terms), maybe within a month of follow ups texts and early dates.
But it eventually leads so many who are tactically brilliant to a strategic hole. How does conquering this next hill get me to where I really want to go in life, beyond the added notch? If I fight on in this same direction, does that mean I’m guaranteed to one day Arrive and Win?
Consensus on that, from those who’ve tried it, seems to be No. As in, Hell No. Very, very few men seem to be satisfied as PUA Seducer For Life, endless new notches as the others fly away.
I’m thinking a lot these days about how to apply these ideas in my own life. Trying to define the endgame, then work back to strategies, then tactics. Discussion is welcome. I’m interested to compare my preliminary thoughts with other men.
As I cross 50, I know that I want to again find someone who is comfortable and happy to share every day life. To enjoy a home, some informed sightseeing and travel, some hospitality we offer to good people. Someone who understands me with depth of compassion and easy flow of conversation, and pleasant sex. And who will very likely stay with me through future hard times, including if there are more medical problems, and when the end comes.
The kind of girls XBT almost picked up at the log cabin sure ain’t that (I assume).
I think finding a woman in her mid-30’s or older to marry will be my best bet. Marriage here doesn’t necessarily include a contract with the state. Someone emotionally mature with some depth, compassion, ability to understand what I’ve been through. Or at least, to somewhat get it. Who shares some of my favorite cultural references without my having to explain everything. Someone who’s already had kids, who are now adults, and not interested in having any more. If divorced rather than widowed, then for a valid reason beyond “I got bored and wanted to get the house, cash and prizes for leaving.”
With an open marriage, so I don’t need a permission slip for someone on the side, nor does she. Maybe she still carries a torch for her ex. Maybe she has another man or woman she loves. Maybe she’d rather have some nights to herself. Fine with me.
In the process of finding someone compatible like this, perhaps I’ll be able to find more than one woman who might like to have this role in my life. I’d hope some of them would like ongoing long term friendship/romances, including sex. Recognizing they might come and go through the rest of my life. But, if things turned awful with my wife, there might be another woman already in the wings.
If I’d done this the first time, my loss would have still been tragic, but not as crushing.
Along with this, I’d like to have an ongoing romance/friendship with a much younger woman, one of the few who’s fascinated and turned on by older men. It’s okay if she doesn’t know a single Boston or Mr. Mister song, doesn’t know if Challenger is a space shuttle or an aftershave, if Doc Brown is an inventor from Hill Valley or that guy on the news telling you about third shots now available at Walgreens. The point would be to add a young, fresh, closer to innocent energy of love to my life.
Ideally, more than one young woman. Recognizing they might come and go throughout the rest of my life.
Damn, when I was in high school I never suspected that I’d now be on the cutting edge of discussing these things online in an electronic version of an Amateur Press Zine With Comments. And with a pseudonym, due to cancel culture against things they dislike but haven’t made illegal yet.
Is my vision possible for me? I don’t know. Until I learn of something better, it’s my strategic goal, if I can discover the tactics to get there.
This vision leaves out the possibility of fatherhood at a later age, but that’s a whole other can of worms I’ll save for conversation later.
I think there’s not that much about fuzzy hats from Project Hollywood that can help me. Mostly uncharted territory, in a society very different than what I knew as I grew up.
Don’t have time to reply fully right now, but get a throwaway email at https://protonmail.com next time, and use it when you reply… that’s good enough for this purpose, and it will make private conversation easier.
I have also tended to pursue tactics at the expensive of strategy/goal, something that’s been on my mind lately…
Will do later today or tomorrow, thanks!
Looking for it…!
A lot of good thoughts here regarding exit strategy–something RedQuest and I have talked about quite a bit. Because at some point the notches become less satisfying, and I’d argue that most guys will live a better life post 50 with a main chick and possibly children, as children give your life meaning and structure in a way almost nothing else does.
The trick is finding such a woman. I thought I’d found my unicorn, but it’s looking increasingly like that’s not the case–when push comes to shove, she doesn’t want to open the relationship, and that’s just not going to work in the long run as we all know.
I’ll write a longer post on this on my own blog, but suffice it to say, here’s the conundrum as I see it: most chicks want monogamy, but in a monogamous relationship sex and desire eventually dry up. When that happens, people become dissatisfied and want to cheat/leave the relationship. How do you prevent that? By practicing ENM (ethical non-monogamy): you have a primary partner who is like a wife or steady GF, but you can both see other people outside the relationship, provided there is trust and open communication. This way you have the love, structure, and support that you would get in a marriage, along with the sexual freedom you would get being single–at least some of the time.
The problem is most women will not agree to that. Instead, they’ll do something like what my GF is doing now where sex starts to happen less, I start to feel the call of the wild and wanting to cheat as a consequence, but when I communicate that to her (I have probably not done this as effectively as I could–still learning…) she will neither offer more sex–or any other sort of monogamous solution for it drying up–nor allow us to open the relationship so I can sate my desire. It is likely that for me that the search for a partner who GROKS the paragraph above will continue.
Regardless, I do think guys need an exit strategy of some kind, because the loneliness of being a player in the long term is in many ways as or more dangerous than getting married at the risk of divorce, etc. Maybe a third way is serial monogamy, like what chicks do? Not sure. I’m still trying to figure things out myself.
> The problem is most women will not agree to that.
Some will. In my experience there are more women willing to agree to ethical non-monogamy than agree to not have kids (eventually).
I believe the most important frame to have is that ENM is non-negotiable, which means introducing it very early in your relationship. Introducing non-mongamy later gives the impression it’s optional or negotiable. Early in the relationship also reduces the chances for you to waver because you like her (“she’s perfect, if not for monogamy!”).
Agree re: kids, https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/04/15/kids-the-player-and-the-red-pill-comprehensive-statement/
The best lessons often come from looking at the people around you, talking to them, etc. Also talking to people from throughout the lifespan, from childhood to old age. I get the sense that a lot of very online people are also super isolated and even lonely, as well as disconnected, and their disconnection generates many of their extreme and often incorrect views.
RPD, I think you and your girlfriend are in a very unusual position, because you have market power and the ability to get a new woman at will. That describes a small number of total men, though a larger fraction of the men who women talk most about.
Sooner or later I think you’ll find a chick who wants a kid with you and that will be your exit strategy.
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>>But it eventually leads so many who are tactically brilliant to a strategic hole. How does conquering this next hill get me to where I really want to go in life, beyond the added notch? If I fight on in this same direction, does that mean I’m guaranteed to one day Arrive and Win?
This is what I think has happened to me, to an extent. In some ways, I think using psychedelics in a deliberate, spiritual setting has helped me integrated short + long term. Set and setting matter, here.
>>Trying to define the endgame, then work back to strategies, then tactics. Discussion is welcome. I’m interested to compare my preliminary thoughts with other men.
I don’t know you well and therefore can’t say, and even if I did I’d probably not be able to say, but, for most people, family is important, it seems, https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/04/15/kids-the-player-and-the-red-pill-comprehensive-statement/
>>Damn, when I was in high school I never suspected that I’d now be on the cutting edge of discussing these things online in an electronic version of an Amateur Press Zine With Comments. And with a pseudonym, due to cancel culture against things they dislike but haven’t made illegal yet.
Life is strange and unexpected…
I think the micro tactics pickup teaches are still important, chicks want to be amused and entertained and teased at any age, it seems. But if you go tactics –> strategy –> goal, that may be worse than goal –> strategy –> tactics. The associative law may not apply in life as it does in algebra. Some functions are one way. For a long time, my goal was to sleep with as many hot chicks as I could, which is a somewhat short-term goal, dictating short-term strategy + tactics. That’s been changing, writing RQ is probably a symptom of the change.
If you are still reading this thread, I’ll say again, get an email address!
Great post. Reminds me of this gem from Jimmy Jambone, about how “the attraction switches, as defined by Mystery, happen to be positive characteristics that can make you a better person”.
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