My pet theory: people get discontent with what they have

I have a pet theory: People who are in very long-term relationships get bored of their partner and eventually crave something new, different, or novel. You may read that sentence and go, “Oh yeah, then I should be a player forever!”

The other part of the pet theory is that people who are always having short-term relationships and experiences eventually feel anomie, loneliness, existential meaninglessness, and a longing for deeper connection to another human being. Cue me: “Ramblings about a change in perspective towards game and life.”

I don’t see a way of resolving that tension. The long-term players I read (Krauser, Tom Torero, etc.) make me wonder if they really are going to be picking up girls forever—in another decade, are they still going to be stopping a girl to say that she looks like a greyhound, or like she just got out of yoga but didn’t have time to change?

Maybe the answer is yes. This is not going to be one of those dumb posts about how PUAs are eventually going to recant and shack up. I’ve shacked up (too young, granted) and I’ve been on the market for a long time and neither worked for me. Looking at the world around me, I see most couples eventually tiring of each other and descending into squabbling, and I see most singles tiring of the dating grind and the Groundhog Day effect of casual sex.

I begin to think that humans are by our nature discontent, and there is no final answer.

But I don’t know how a person lays out a life or plans well for the future that way.

For a long time I’ve been a sex-positive, sex-is-the-center-of-life person. Now I’m reading the Mark Regnerus book Cheap Sex, first referenced here, and he lays out many of the downsides of the sex-for-all, all-the-time culture that I believe in. He is wrong or at least misguided about some things, like the way he underemphasizes the extent to which modern sex and dating is driven by women’s desires to date and marry “up.” Women who consciously stop playing that game find a guy and get married. Women who feel the need to always move up, they often don’t.

But his chapter on “The Genital Life” makes me think. Maybe there is something hollow about what I’ve been doing. Maybe like everything, done long enough, it gets boring eventually. I don’t know. But I do know I’ve been at it for a long time. But if I really changed and “settled down” (I hate that phrase), I think I’d eventually get bored again.

Like I said in my ramble, I think it’s telling that almost all the online PUAs who write books and keep blogs had a substandard high school, college, and early 20s experience. Just like Neil Strauss.

Maybe guys do eventually work it out of their system.

To be sure, I’m not saying that I think tagging new chicks is bad. I still get that thrill. But afterwards, now, I more often get the, “Is that it?” feeling. And it is more of a feeling than a verbal question. The answer might be “yes,” and I have to focus on the positive. Most guys never achieve game skills or abundance, I think. So even getting to that point is amazing and I’m blessed for it.

The question is… what’s next? What then?

Maybe I know too much for long-term relationships. Knowledge can poison. For most guys, the answer is likely children. But I’ve already done that. And I am trying to spend more time with them (right as they want to spend less time with parents…)

Game starts with concrete skills and ends with philosophy.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

5 thoughts on “My pet theory: people get discontent with what they have”

  1. I’m divorced, early 40’s, and have been playing the field the last four years. I completely understand where you’re coming from, but now that I have an understanding of game and the red pill I believe there is no end to the game. And that’s a good thing.

    Once you have game you and as long as you keep your shit together you can always maintain 2-3 younger, hotter women in your life. I think relationships (whether monogamous girlfriends, multiple women you date, FB’s whatever) have a shelf life, and you just have to learn to enjoy the cycle of them while they last and realize it will only last a few months to a few years at best. The real long term relationships will be family and friends outside your women.

    I view my woman life like good cuisine – any given meal will satisfy me for a while but eventually I’m going to get hungry and need another meal again. That’s OK, good cuisine enhances my life and I’d miss it if it were gone, but it’s not my purpose in life or what gives it meaning. That has to be something much bigger and having that something bigger is the key.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Once you have game you and as long as you keep your shit together you can always maintain 2-3 younger, hotter women in your life

      True, but I feel like I’m getting bored by the process. I don’t even care (or care as much as I used to).

      The analogy to food is great.

      Like

      1. That’s a tough spot to find yourself in. Maybe you need to focus on upping your quality of girls vs quantity, or maybe it’s time to focus on a larger life mission. Definitely worth some introspection.

        I took a one month break from girls this summer for a reason out of my control. Turned out to be hugely positive, knowing I could go a month without made me even more outcome independent and that improved my quality of girls when I got back to it.

        Like

  2. “people who are always having short-term relationships and experiences eventually feel anomie, loneliness, existential meaninglessness, and a longing for deeper connection to another human being”

    More than three decades on this earth and I’ve never felt any of those things (except for existential meaningless, of course, but I would know that nothing mattered whether I was in an LTR or not).

    My friends and hobbies keep me busy and keep my life full of meaning. Girls are a side hobby, just like any other. I drop them when I don’t have time and pick them up when I’m bored.

    Maybe I’m an anomaly.

    Like

    1. More than three decades on this earth and I’ve never felt any of those things (except for existential meaningless, of course

      Neither had I, for a long time, yet now I’m starting to feel them. I want to respond with denial, but I also want to see what’s really going on inside me; denial is the easy way, I think.

      Like

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