I have a pet theory: People who are in very long-term relationships get bored of their partner and eventually crave something new, different, or novel. You may read that sentence and go, “Oh yeah, then I should be a player forever!”
The other part of the pet theory is that people who are always having short-term relationships and experiences eventually feel anomie, loneliness, existential meaninglessness, and a longing for deeper connection to another human being. Cue me: “Ramblings about a change in perspective towards game and life.”
I don’t see a way of resolving that tension. The long-term players I read (Krauser, Tom Torero, etc.) make me wonder if they really are going to be picking up girls forever—in another decade, are they still going to be stopping a girl to say that she looks like a greyhound, or like she just got out of yoga but didn’t have time to change?
Maybe the answer is yes. This is not going to be one of those dumb posts about how PUAs are eventually going to recant and shack up. I’ve shacked up (too young, granted) and I’ve been on the market for a long time and neither worked for me. Looking at the world around me, I see most couples eventually tiring of each other and descending into squabbling, and I see most singles tiring of the dating grind and the Groundhog Day effect of casual sex.
I begin to think that humans are by our nature discontent, and there is no final answer.
But I don’t know how a person lays out a life or plans well for the future that way.
For a long time I’ve been a sex-positive, sex-is-the-center-of-life person. Now I’m reading the Mark Regnerus book Cheap Sex, first referenced here, and he lays out many of the downsides of the sex-for-all, all-the-time culture that I believe in. He is wrong or at least misguided about some things, like the way he underemphasizes the extent to which modern sex and dating is driven by women’s desires to date and marry “up.” Women who consciously stop playing that game find a guy and get married. Women who feel the need to always move up, they often don’t.
But his chapter on “The Genital Life” makes me think. Maybe there is something hollow about what I’ve been doing. Maybe like everything, done long enough, it gets boring eventually. I don’t know. But I do know I’ve been at it for a long time. But if I really changed and “settled down” (I hate that phrase), I think I’d eventually get bored again.
Like I said in my ramble, I think it’s telling that almost all the online PUAs who write books and keep blogs had a substandard high school, college, and early 20s experience. Just like Neil Strauss.
Maybe guys do eventually work it out of their system.
To be sure, I’m not saying that I think tagging new chicks is bad. I still get that thrill. But afterwards, now, I more often get the, “Is that it?” feeling. And it is more of a feeling than a verbal question. The answer might be “yes,” and I have to focus on the positive. Most guys never achieve game skills or abundance, I think. So even getting to that point is amazing and I’m blessed for it.
The question is… what’s next? What then?
Maybe I know too much for long-term relationships. Knowledge can poison. For most guys, the answer is likely children. But I’ve already done that. And I am trying to spend more time with them (right as they want to spend less time with parents…)
Game starts with concrete skills and ends with philosophy.