I don’t know what it means when a guy begins turning down marginal notches. Maybe it means nothing other than that he’s bored of sex for its own sake. In my 20s, I basically went out of my way to sleep with any woman who I thought at all acceptable. Sometime in my early 30s, I stopped.
For inexperienced guys, it’s almost always a good idea to get some more experience and go for the marginal lays.
Truly ugly women aren’t worth going for. There are many women I have turned down since I was very young: fat ones, most commonly. A few religious ones, in high school and early college, who I realized were time wasters and not going to have sex regardless of whether they liked me or how hard I tried.
As an adult, the most common problem among marginal women, “Just a little bit too heavy.” I met one of those a while ago, and if she’d been just a few years younger or a few pounds lighter I probably would’ve gone for her. But she wasn’t and I couldn’t be bothered to go for her. A part of me still thinks, “She’s an easy lay, you should go for it.” But there is a larger part of me that thinks, “She won’t look that good naked anyway, and will the experience be better than a good book?” Probably not.
I stopped keeping track of numbers a long time ago. Every guy whose number is low thinks numbers matter a lot. The paradox is that guys whose number is high come to realize the number doesn’t mean much. Women can sense the difference. Just like they can sense the difference between sex-positive guys who encourage their sexuality and sex-negative guys who will shame them.
(I’m not saying shame has no place. It does for a guy who wants a monogamous relationship and kids that he knows are his.)
Some guys, maybe even me when I was younger, chase sex because of the physical pleasure, yes, but also the sense of validation, achievement, fulfillment, etc. Once a guy has done it enough, however, he realizes that no matter how amazing it was the night before, the next morning he wakes up and still does whatever he does and is whoever he is.
This post is probably boring to many of you, and if I had read a similar piece when I was in my 20s I likely would’ve dismissed the guy as a jag-off and gone back to hounding. Beautiful women and sex can and do still excite me, but they are not so dominant as they were. Maybe biology is catching up with me.
I think I expected threesomes, group sex, sex with insanely hot chicks, etc. to make me into someone or something else. None of those things did. They might have at the very beginning, as a form of proof to myself or my psyche, but they don’t anymore. I know I can, but now what?