I don’t know what it means when a guy begins turning down marginal notches. Maybe it means nothing other than that he’s bored of sex for its own sake. In my 20s, I basically went out of my way to sleep with any woman who I thought at all acceptable. Sometime in my early 30s, I stopped.
For inexperienced guys, it’s almost always a good idea to gain experience and go for the marginal lays. F**king a lot of different chicks will improve your knowledge of women, sex, the variety of female psychologies, etc. Often there is some attractive feature of a woman you can focus on. Even if you’re not 100% into the woman’s body or body type, doggystyle can still usually be pretty good.
To be sure, truly ugly women aren’t worth going for… there are many women I have turned down since I was very young: fat ones, most commonly. Fat chicks are often sexually aggressive because they have to be, as no decent guy will pursue them. I’ve also turned down a few religious chicks, in high school and early college, who I realized were time wasters and not going to have sex regardless of whether they liked me or how hard I tried.
As an adult, the most common problem I see among marginal women is, “Just a little bit too heavy.” I met one of those a while ago, and if she’d been just a few years younger or a few pounds lighter I would’ve gone for her. But she wasn’t and I couldn’t be bothered… a part of me still thinks, “She’s an easy lay, you should do her.” A larger part of me that thinks, “She won’t look that good naked anyway, and will the experience be better than reading a good book?” Probably not.
I stopped keeping track of numbers a long time ago. Every guy whose number is low thinks the number matters: the paradox is that guys whose number is high come to realize the number doesn’t mean much (this girl started to ask the number question, then stopped herself). Women can sense the difference… just like they can sense the difference between sex-positive guys who encourage their sexuality and sex-negative guys who will shame them.
(I’m not saying shame has no place. It does for a guy who wants a monogamous relationship and kids that he knows are his.)
Some guys, probably including me when I was younger, chase sex because of the physical pleasure, yes, but also the sense of validation, achievement, fulfillment, etc. Once a guy has done it enough, however, he realizes that the validation is empty for anyone but himself. No one really cares who he is f**king except him. And no matter how amazing it was the night before, the next morning he wakes up and still does whatever he does and is whoever he is.
This post is probably boring to many of you, and if I had read a similar piece when I was in my 20s I likely would’ve dismissed the guy as a jag-off and gone back to hounding. Beautiful women and sex excite me, but they are not so dominant as they were, and marginal chicks hold very few learning experiences for me. Maybe biology is catching up with me.
Like I said, though, for younger guys with less sex/woman experience, marginal notches are still valuable. And f**king almost any okay-looking chick raises your sexual market value in the eyes of other chicks. When you know your value is high, and you have experience with a decently large number of chicks, you don’t need the marginal chicks so much, though you may f**k one occasionally anyway, particularly in the middle of a dry spell.
I think I expected threesomes, group sex, sex with insanely hot chicks, etc. to make me into someone or something else… none of those things did. They might have at the very beginning, as a form of proof to myself or my psyche, but they don’t anymore. I know I can, but now what?
9 thoughts on “Turning down marginal notches”
As with most things, the law of diminishing returns applies. I think it’s a good thing to raise your standards. This is where real qualification comes in and is much more powerful.
Women are like food. You’ll feel it over time if you don’t have quality food or women in your life. But alone that’s not enough for meaning or even happiness. Necessary but not sufficient.
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