On Twitter there’s a dumb thread (the woman deleted it and I didn’t keep a copy… probably too embarrassing for her) about a chick complaining about guys using her for sex and then ditching her, usually after bad sex. That’s an easy diagnosis: she’s almost certainly chasing guys who are +2 or +3 above her in sexual market value (SMV). They’re not going to date her, they’re not going to try in bed, but, if she offers herself up, one of those guys will give her a tumble. I’ve been in the guy’s position before… my natural hunting ground is 7s: chicks less attractive than 7s aren’t of much interest to me, while chicks who are true 8s, are just not that common and are often particular. I’ve been with 8s and enjoyed relationships with 8s, but I don’t see/meet very many in everyday life, let alone bang them. I’m also just some hot chicks’s type, and when that happens I can cruise an 8 right into bed.
A few years ago (around the time I started writing on Reddit, or just before) I tried an app called Kinkd, which advertised itself as being something like Tinder or Feeld for kinky people, and, as players know, “kinky” = “easy & sex positive.” Downside, though, is that most openly kinky chicks are not the best looking. Fetlife has the online market pretty covered, but I gave Kinkd a shot and managed to meet two okay chicks, high 6s, without much work… both were novices and both liked that I knew about parties, events, etc. Don’t underestimate social proof in this area, either. Both chicks seemed like they might be 7s, based on their duplicitous pics, but real life reveals all. One was a straightforward, once-a-week lay for a couple weeks, and things ended when she said that “all guys are the same” because I said I liked her but didn’t think we are compatible for primary partnership. In a way, she was right… if she’s chasing guys +2 relative to her, guys like me will often take her for a spin but won’t buy. Rent/lease is enough. She delivers the ultimatum, we call her bluff. She repeats the process without recognizing her own complicity in it… many guys will take girls who “aren’t the best” if the girls offer easy, low-effort sex, as this girl did to me. Thanks hon! I liked busting my nut and when I closed my eyes, it was all good.
The other chick I did more or less the same thing with, although she was more reluctant to have actual sex. But the first time I saw her, I basically fingered her g-spot into a multi-minute orgasm of some kind (at least, she said it was). It was a strange experience for me and, I think, for her. Did do a lot of bonding in a small space, though, and, because my SMV was higher than hers and I also didn’t slut-shame her, she was into me fast. Too fast.
Both girls are the kind of chicks I am now mostly trying to turn down, as marginal notches. I also don’t want to get their hopes up as they invest me, only to be embittered when I say no.
It’s good for guys to give chicks a good sexual experience, even if the guy decides he’s not that into her. It’s not that much extra work, yet many guys don’t bother… most chicks are also responsive to toys, and something like an njoy pure wand is a good tool for both a chick a guy is into and one he isn’t (just for different reasons).
Female SMV is pretty straightforward for short-term activity and more complex over the long term. Male SMV is trickier and more contingent, since chicks have a wider array of factors they’re looking at and are just more arbitrary. But if a guy is getting consistent blowouts, his SMV is probably too low. Chicks are also herd animals and will value a guy with a girlfriend, even a low-status one, over a guy without one. Having one makes it easier to get the next. Guys can branch-swing too, although most lack the skill, discipline, game, and inclination to do so.
Most chicks who complain about pump-and-dumps are simply chasing guys too high above them. Chicks with reasonable expectations find what they want. People who have an accurate assessment of their SMV and act accordingly tend to do fine. This is more common among guys but still less common than it should be.
Everyone has the same options: improve their value; improve their game; change their environment. Chicks who are chasing guys +2 or +3 above them… are going to get the kind of outcomes this person is complaining about. This is the most common problem women who ask, “Why won’t guys commit to me?” have. They are almost never introspective enough to understand their own role.
Added: Another story, same basic situation. Mainstream writers won’t write frankly and honestly about SMV, particularly female SMV. That does a disservice to women, but the market for “You’re perfect, just the way you are” is much larger than the market for “This is how the real world works.” Most of us actively like our delusions and do not want to hear reality.
I am trying to write about things almost no one discusses. The role of female SMV in women who are repeatedly rejected almost never gets discussed, and, instead, it’s assumed that men are bad for “leading on” all these innocent women. In the real world, few of us are 100% innocent or 100% guilty, and most of us have egos that require someone else to be the bad guy, or girl.