The average guy and the player have different problems

In thinking about responses to “Open or poly relationships from the superior position or inferior position” and “Game-aware guys being ‘poly’ or ‘open’,” I realized something obvious that almost never gets discussed: average or below-average guys have very different problems from players (and elite guys in general). In terms of women, the average guy has trouble lifting consistently; he eats sugar; he’s never cold-approached in his life, or only a couple times while drunk; he half-asses online dating; he has trouble attracting and retaining a single woman. Because he has trouble attracting and retaining one woman, being open or poly are either repellent to him (he’s risking the greatest source of value in his life) or something he might reluctantly engage, but only because he fears, possibly correctly, that if he doesn’t acquiesce, she’ll leave anyway in search of newer, shinier guys.

The player has different problems (and he does have problems). He has trouble cracking the very top tier of chicks; he spends too much time seducing each individual chick; he’s working on his game ecosystem and sustaining his investments; he’s aware of the way evolutionary biology make long-term male-female cohabitation difficult; he’s trying to maintain his psychological state in order to maximize his results. He is somewhat alienated from the larger society, in which other guys (with weak or no game) disdain players or underrate the value of sex.

The player might not like being open or poly, but even if he doesn’t, he’ll consider those labels as ways of maintaining chicks over the medium or long run, when the chicks start asking, “Where is this going?” He’s not very afraid of that “Where is this going?” question, because if one chick drops off, he’ll get another, or three or four. For the same reason he doesn’t worry much about “his” chick flirting with other guys or engaging in other forms of bad female behavior.

Players also know that when a woman is looking for a long-term provider guy, she’s probably going to reject the player. That’s okay. There are more girls out there. Younger prettier girls in developed countries don’t care much about material assets or “good” secure guys. They want fun and excitement. Players learn that and give it to them.

The Red Pill movement and many associated writers often lump these two groups together. A lot of guy, maybe the majority, never get out of the average phase. So we see guys making universal statements based on their own limited perspectives.

The problem is:

In the community, we do a terrible job talking about “types.” Types… as in “not everyone is the same.” Not the girls… and not the guys. We are all different types. And that means that we need game that applies to our specific place in the SMP.

And very few people distinguish among these groups.

I’m writing more for the player than the average guy. The material for the average guy who needs a boost is bountiful. In the sidebar to this blog, there is a cornucopia of information related to game, evolutionary biology, interacting with women, improving value, and delivering value. The material for the player is rarer. I think most guys who get into “game” just want a nice, pretty girlfriend, and when they find one, they stop. That is why the deep psychology that keeps men in the game interests me. Those are the guys who don’t stop after they advance a couple levels into the dungeon. They keep going, deeper and deeper into the maze, looking for the next achievements and for the deeper heart of human social existence.

There’s nothing wrong with getting into the game and finding a nice girl and stopping. If a guy gets what he wants, great for him. But his experiences aren’t likely to generate the deeper insights that make for more interesting writing.

Reddit suffers similarly. Most of the guys on it are average or below-average. They’re frustrated and often angry. It comes out in their writing and votes. Many of them also want to vent and complain more than improve. I get the impulse: modern feminism is about hating men and enforcing special female privileges. It’s also true that many women will behave as badly as the men around them allow them to behave, which is often pretty badly. The venting and complaining, I get it, but I don’t care that much about it. I’d rather work on making my own place in the world the best it can be. So I’m not likely to be as popular, and that’s okay.