Date structure and arc: how to plan and execute dates

When I’m planning and executing initial dates with a girl, I have a repeatable structure or arc that usually goes like this: date one, we meet at a bar, have a drink or two. If the girl seems particularly “on,” I might suggest drink two or three at my place. More often, I’ll suggest we go to a second bar, get a drink, make out a bit on the way there or at the bar, then suggest we go back to mine. A fair number of girls say yes. Some guys report that trying to pull on the first date increases their flake and fall-off rates greatly, but that hasn’t been my overall experience (or Red Pill Dad’s, he’s told me in private). Xbtusd says he never tries for first-date sex. My theory is that girls respect the ask, even if they say no, but that theory may be wrong. 

Towards the end of date 1, I’ll usually suggest date 2, which is dinner at my place, ideally two days later (so if date 1 is a Tuesday, date 2 would be a Thursday). If the girl’s schedule is tight, I’ll try to establish a date/time for date 2. It could be the next night, but I prefer two days later, maybe three or four if necessary. If the girl can’t make it for more than four or five days, I feel like momentum is often lost and not regained, but at times that can’t be helped. Some light texting with the girl helps retention between dates 1 and 2. For date 2, I never make something new and always make something easy for me, usually vegetarian, because a fair number of girls are vegetarian. Salmon is a good choice too: something light and easy. Red Pill Dad has a great risotto recipe in the linked field report. Risotto is a smart, solid choice because it gives the girl something to do to contribute, so you’re not merely serving her, but stirring rice is also brain-dead easy, so the girl (probably) can’t fuck it up. I’ve tended to prefer a meal that I can prep in advance and put together in maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Girls are impressed by anyone who can cook, because most people are so dysfunctional that they flush massive amounts of cash down the toilet eating in restaurants and eating takeaway every year. You should be able to cook, because if you can’t you’ll get fat in addition to wasting that money on takeaway. RPD’s risotto gambit is a clear improvement on what I’ve generally made. 

For date 2, she’s already at my place, so we make out some while dinner is being made, drink wine, etc. We can “watch a movie” after, or transition into sex. If she says no, that’s okay. 

For date 3 I’ll typically do another bar meet, and maybe a walk after the bar, then try for my place for sex. If for some reason that hasn’t happened yet, I might do date 4 as dinner at my place again… I don’t rigorously follow the three date (fake) “rule”, but if I don’t feel like there’s good momentum, I’ll let go after date 3. It’s not super common that a girl won’t have sex during date 2. 

This is a pretty efficient overall arc for me. Different guys will do different things, and you should do whatever arc you like and find effective. Xbtusd says he LOVES to take girls dancing on a weekend night. That wouldn’t be my first choice, primarily because I don’t like it that much, but also because a lot of girls won’t like it (too chaotic for them, don’t dance, don’t like dancing), and it’s a chaotic environment that may lead to the girl getting distracted. The girl also has to decide she wants to come back at the end of the night, whereas with my model, for date 2, she’s already at a good venue for sex. But xbtusd is working to maximize his own preferences, not necessarily to shoot for the highest lay percentage chance. Nash likes taking girls on a restaurant dinner dates, and he’s the only player I’ve heard of who does this (search for the string “dinner” on his blog, you’ll find lots of discussion). If you’re a guy who knows what he wants and gets results you find satisfying from what you’re doing, do that thing. 

I’ve talked about this some in How to think about “future projection” on dates, and how to retain girls better and in Asking a girl too many questions, date structure. Those contain links to some other players’ thoughts on date structure. Xbtusd feels that he never reads discussions about the specifics of date arcs and models, so I’d like to remedy that deficit. 

Date one is usually one to two hours, unless it’s headed towards fooling around or sex, in which case it can go overnight. Date two can last anywhere from about two hours to all night and into the next morning. Date three is usually an hour or so of “date” and then we get in bed. I’ve tended to try and pull the girl on date one under the theory that, even if she says no, she’ll respect me trying, but some guys have found a two-date model in which they have a chaste and short first date leads to better retention. I don’t have a strong opinion on this subject because I’ve felt my retention has been all right with the “try to pull, but not too hard” model I’ve used since I was in college or just after. Lots of girls never come out the second time, due to any number of factors not under the guy’s control. Chicks are random. 

Usually I’ll pay for drinks, but if she insists on splitting I don’t fight. It’s smooth if you can pay when she’s not looking, slip the bartender cash or whatever, girls like being girls. Preferably the bars are within walking distance of wherever I live, but that’s not pragmatic for everyone. One goal is for the girl to have to make very few decisions, especially possible “no” decisions. 

Most girls are incapable of leading or making anything happen. If sex and reproduction were the responsibility of girls, the species would crumble because girls wouldn’t make any moves. But women bear far greater costs from gestating and bearing children, making them the pickier sex (as is universal in sexually reproducing species), so it is the responsibility of the man to plan, do, and execute things. If you don’t, some other guy will. A fair number of my sex experiences happened, I’m convinced, cause I was in front of the girl and made the move. Don’t feel fooled or hornsnoggled by feminism. You’ll know that feminism and feminists have a point when girls start asking you out and planning and executing dates (xbtusd says that, in his decades of dating a girl has never planned and executed a date for him). If I waited for girls to do that, I’d still have failed to make sexual debut. Be the man. Feminism is a lie. 

Normal girls like it when you taste them for desert.